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1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,538
It seems today
that all you see.
2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:07,908
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
3
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,545
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,382
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,319
Lucky there's a family guy.
6
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,389
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
7
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,057
All the things that make us.
8
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,858
Laugh and cry.
9
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:30,098
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,239
Peter, I need you to
pick up the dry cleaning.
11
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:39,440
Here's the ticket.
12
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:40,908
It's the Chinese
one over on Elm.
13
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,214
All right. Well, I need my
other white shirt back anyway.
14
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,812
This one's getting
kind of smelly.
15
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,046
And if I wore another color,
16
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:47,457
I think it would
just throw people.
17
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,749
You only have
two white shirts?
18
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,851
Well, I had a third one,
but it got ruined
19
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,986
at that wine tasting at
Michael J. Fox's house.
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,722
Hi. I'm Peter Griffin.
21
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,291
Now, we were going to show you
the actual scene,
22
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,593
but it... it would just
make us all sad.
23
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,430
So, I-I'm just going to
tell you what happened.
24
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,399
See, he has this disease,
and it makes him shake a lot,
25
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,067
and what with all the shaking,
26
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,969
he spilled his wine
all over my shirt,
27
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,838
and my shirt, uh, was ruined.
28
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,607
So that's what that was.
29
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,609
Um... I mean, he was
very nice about it.
30
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,179
He said, he said,
"Send me the bill."
31
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:22,049
Which, I mean, that's not
how he said it, uh, but...
32
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,717
You know, we got there.
33
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,187
Anyway, I sent him the bill,
and he sent me this check.
34
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,589
But, uh... it's...
35
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:29,936
I-I don't, I don't,
I don't think
36
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,892
I'm going to be able
to cash this. Um...
37
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,928
I don't... You'd think Tracy
Pollan would, would be in charge
38
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,264
of the checkbook, you know?
39
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,074
'Cause I mean, what else
is she doing right now?
40
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,668
I don't, I don't think he's got
the leverage to Rita Wilson her
41
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,836
around town anymore.
I mean, I-I, that's...
42
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,338
I mean, that's
where it's gotten.
43
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,840
So... Anyway, that's what
happened to my shirt.
44
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,743
I'm glad we took the high road
on this one.
45
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:50,978
Wh-what's that?
46
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,481
Oh, wait, now they're telling me
they do want to show it.
47
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,450
I really like the finish
on this Shiraz...
48
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,119
Son of a bitch!
What is your problem?
49
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,726
Aw, damn. Which one's
the Chinese one?
50
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,133
That's probably it.
51
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,180
You stop make bing bong!
Every bing bong two cent!
52
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,348
What you want?
53
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:30,218
Uh, yeah. I'm here to
pick up my cleaning?
54
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,853
Aw, cool, look at that!
55
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,155
Aw, this seems like it'd
be a great place to work.
56
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,357
But I...
57
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:39,727
I didn't go to college.
58
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:40,861
That 20 dollar.
59
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,632
Hey, uh, I think you
forgot my shirt.
60
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,268
There no shirt. Well, no, I
know you have my white shirt.
61
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:48,869
Can you check again?
No need check.
62
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:49,937
I no have your shirt.
63
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,972
Listen here, Washee-Washee,
you do have my shirt.
64
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,106
I no have your shirt.
65
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,308
You yes have my shirt!
66
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,852
You get out my store!
You get me shirt!
67
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,878
You go or I call police!
You no dare call police!
68
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,147
Oh, you want to play game,
fatso? You big, big...
69
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,816
911! Fine! I go.
But this no over.
70
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:03,951
I take picture of Ang Lee.
71
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,287
Good! He do too many white
people movie anyway!
72
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,592
You no come back, ever!
73
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,628
I no like you American!
And all you American look alike!
74
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,530
Oh, we all look alike, do we?
75
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,966
Well, look who's talking!
76
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,805
What do you mean we
can't go there anymore?
77
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,674
Who gives a crap?
We'll get a new cleaners.
78
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,176
They're all the same.
They are not all the same!
79
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,446
Peter, I have been going to
Mr. Washee-Washee for ten years,
80
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,715
and I am not finding
another dry cleaner.
81
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,717
Now we are going to
invite him over for dinner,
82
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,819
and you are going
to apologize.
83
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,554
All right, fine.
84
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,689
Hello?
85
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,492
Hi, Mr. Washee-Washee,
it's Peter Griffin.
86
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,994
Um, my wife wants to invite
you over for dinner.
87
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,029
What you having?
Number 32?
88
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,970
Peter, isn't there something
you'd like to say
89
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,939
to Mr. Washee-Washee?
90
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,275
Peter.
91
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,776
Fine.
92
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,513
Mr. Washee-Washee, I'm sorry
I was rude at your store.
93
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,481
Is okay. I accept
your bad apology.
94
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:08,788
Good. Now give me
back my shirt!
95
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,484
Peter!
I no have your shirt!
96
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,252
You yes have my shirt!
Enough!
97
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,121
You all banned
from my store!
98
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,188
Bing bong.
99
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,224
Great, Peter.
Nice going.
100
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,792
This dinner was
a disaster.
101
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,194
Eh, Clash of the Titans
owl was worse.
102
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,863
So you're from Greece.
103
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,465
Oh, I've always
wanted to go there.
104
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,633
What's it like?
105
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,704
Yeah, I can't... I can't
understand a word he's saying.
106
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,441
Yeah. I told you, Lois,
only Harry Hamlin can.
107
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:34,784
If you're going to
invite the owl
108
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,410
you got to invite
Harry Hamlin.
109
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,513
I will not have Harry
Hamlin in this house.
110
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,485
413, 413.
111
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,186
I think this is it, Chris.
112
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,922
Ooh! The Mr. Sulu Show!
113
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:53,794
Sulu, he star of the show.
114
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:59,933
Other guys just along
for the ride.
115
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,103
He's got my shirt
in there, I can feel it.
116
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,472
All right, I'm going inside.
117
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,585
I knew it!
118
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,387
Drop it,
or I blow you head off!
119
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,490
Listen, Washee-Washee,
that's my shirt,
120
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:23,957
and I ain't leaving
here without it.
121
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:24,958
That no your shirt!
122
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,025
Oh, yeah?
123
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,062
Okay, it's not my shirt.
124
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:33,133
You break in my house,
I can kill you legally.
125
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,111
Fine, shoot me! But
you're going to ruin the shirt.
126
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,236
Take off shirt!
127
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:38,439
Well, it seems we're
at an impasse.
128
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,873
How do you propose
we settle this?
129
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,910
We have fight. But
I pick venue. Deal.
130
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,848
Round One.
131
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,316
Fight!
132
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,005
You lose.
133
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,846
Hi, I'm here
for Peter Griffin.
134
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,912
Wait over there.
135
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,421
Not the best way to spend
a Thursday night, huh?
136
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,889
You can say that again.
137
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:31,158
I was hoping to be at this
Democratic Party fund-raiser.
138
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,426
Oh, God, is that tonight?
139
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,262
Aw... You know, I
promised Barry I'd be there.
140
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,398
I, I call him "Barry," you
probably know him as "Barack."
141
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:39,800
Um... yeah.
142
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,635
So what are
you doing here?
143
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,737
Ah, I'm picking up
my friend Peter.
144
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,106
Are you picking up
a... boyfriend?
145
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:50,578
No, actually. I got arrested for
protesting the Wal-Mart opening.
146
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,613
Oh, yeah. I went to
the first part of that,
147
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,857
but then some fireworks went off
148
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,282
and I ran for two miles
straight.
149
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,786
I'm Denise.
I'm Brian.
150
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,622
Hey, would you mind if
I asked for your number?
151
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,857
Who knows? Maybe we could
get arrested together.
152
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,628
Sure. I'd like that.
153
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,964
Number 3287.
154
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,033
Come on, Peter.
I'm here to take you home.
155
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,702
I don't know, Brian.
156
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,104
This is the only world
I know anymore.
157
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,072
Peter, you've been
in there for 15 minutes.
158
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,880
Good morning,
everyone.
159
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,882
Oh, crap,
he's in love again.
160
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,951
I know, I know. But
this time it's for real.
161
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,521
You know, I, I really feel
like Denise is the girl
162
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,922
I've waited my whole life for.
163
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,324
Oh, please, you've only
known her a week.
164
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,792
Besides, I thought Jillian was
165
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,427
the girl you waited
your whole life for.
166
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,662
Well, Jillian was.
167
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,263
But I'll, I'll never
get her back.
168
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,766
But Denise... I really think
there's something special there.
169
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:48,335
Brian, you went to one
protest rally with her.
170
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,670
It's hardly a date.
171
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,071
Oh yeah? You want to see?
172
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,098
I'll call her right now
and ask her out to dinner.
173
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,244
Hey, Denise?
It's me.
174
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,513
Brian.
175
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,580
Brian Griffin.
176
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,082
Oh, boy.
177
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,251
Um, hey, listen, you know,
I've had such a great time
178
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,386
hanging out with you,
and I was thinking...
179
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:09,189
How about we go
on an actual date?
180
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,092
Sounds great!
181
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,159
Bye.
182
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,494
So?
183
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:17,197
Well, guess who has
a date on Saturday?
184
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,365
Not me.
185
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,805
- Put the dog out.
- The dog's crying.
186
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,816
Can someone put... Lois!
Can someone put the dog out?
187
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,975
I'm trying to read!
188
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,145
What the hell?
What's the matter with you?
189
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,114
Did an ambulance
go by or something?
190
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,863
Hey, Brian... Aw, sweet!
Morning drinking!
191
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,499
Whoo, yeah!
192
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:53,901
Party!
193
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,803
Peter, I'm not getting
drunk for fun.
194
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,238
I'm, I'm drinking
because I'm sad.
195
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,240
Because I'm never going to
meet the right woman.
196
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,810
Because I'm... I'm going to
die old and alone.
197
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,544
Oh, you're
Rip Torn drinking.
198
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,255
Well, you know, listen.
Instead of sitting here
199
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,447
feeling sorry for yourself,
200
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,659
why don't you take Quagmire's
class on picking up chicks?
201
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:10,818
Quagmire teaches a class?
202
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,324
How come I've never
heard about this?
203
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,688
'Cause Quagmire forbids us
to tell you about his life.
204
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,356
As you may recall, he hates you.
205
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,792
Ah, wouldn't help me anyway.
It's a hopeless situation.
206
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,140
You know, if you ever want to
get anywhere with this girl,
207
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,063
you gotta ditch that
negative attitude.
208
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,965
You're, you're as
bad as Negatron.
209
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,399
Do as I command,
210
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,903
and we will defeat the Autobots
once and for all!
211
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,404
Nope. Not going
to work.
212
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,374
Oh, come on. What
did we talk about?
213
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,743
Autobots always win.
214
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,286
You think Optimus
Prime's gonna be dead,
215
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,311
but then he's not dead.
216
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,782
I'm taking this from a robot
that turns into a canoe?
217
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,116
When there's a battle on
218
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,952
a gently-moving river,
you'll want me.
219
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,893
Now as I said before,
I can't make you into studs.
220
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,863
I can only help you bring out
your "inner stud."
221
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,665
But there's a lot
of potential here.
222
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,734
Now how many of you guys think
223
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,321
a woman is looking
for Prince Charming?
224
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,372
Wrong! They're looking for
bastards like me!
225
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,607
Well, I don't,
I don't know about that.
226
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:10,711
Mort, How many times you been
laid since your wife died?
227
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,345
Do Muriel's clothes count?
228
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:13,613
No! You want to know
229
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,383
how many times I've been laid
since last night? 60!
230
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,452
Why? 'Cause I'm not trying
to be a girl's Prince Charming.
231
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,821
I'm trying to be
that big mistake
232
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,189
they made at the bar
last night.
233
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,691
Look, what's the
first thing you say
234
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,125
to a woman when you meet her?
235
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,661
Pleased to meet you.
That's a handsome scarf pin.
236
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,229
No! You say,
237
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,407
"Hi, there. How's your
relationship with your father?"
238
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,734
If she says anything
positive, move along.
239
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,435
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
240
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,237
Brian! What are
you doing here?
241
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,006
I'm in your class.
What? No way!
242
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,340
I don't want you in here!
243
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,009
Too bad. Here's my
class receipt.
244
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,476
Now teach me how
to find love.
245
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,945
All right. Fine.
246
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,715
But you lick yourself once
in this class and you're out!
247
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,118
Don't look,
don't look!
248
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,619
I spilled something.
249
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,629
All right, time to practice
what we've learned.
250
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:03,731
You're up, Brian.
251
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,032
Now, go hit
on that fat chick.
252
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,600
What? Why?
Do it or you get an "F".
253
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,402
All right.
254
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,238
Uh, excuse me.
255
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,907
I was just looking you
over and I had a question.
256
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,919
Are those highlights in
your hair or potato chips?
257
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,510
Highlights!
Okay.
258
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:20,580
Hey, will you sign this form
that says I hit on you?
259
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,082
Sassy!
260
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,352
You've got me sweating
above and below my ass.
261
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,854
Let's go, lover.
262
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,693
Okay, what the?
263
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,428
I know, I know.
264
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,265
Quagmire told us to dress
flashy so girls would notice us.
265
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,533
Oh, right, peacocking.
How's the class going?
266
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,135
Well, so far so
good, I guess.
267
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,436
But tonight's
the real test.
268
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,472
I'm gonna try out what
I've learned on Denise.
269
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,606
Well, good luck.
270
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:47,841
Hey, who was that
fat chick
271
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,218
sneaking out of
here this morning?
272
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:52,145
Oh, that was someone
I met from class. Bettina.
273
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,347
Ooh, that's way too
fancy a name for her.
274
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,884
Her name should be
"Thud" or... or "Oof."
275
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,859
You know, I have to admit,
Brian, I'm glad you called.
276
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,394
I sort of missed
hanging out.
277
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,595
Call me The Paw.
278
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,297
That's what I go
by now, The Paw.
279
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,698
Oh, okay.
280
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:12,800
Yeah.
281
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,601
A lot of babes
here tonight.
282
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,404
Shut up for a couple minutes,
I'm gonna look around.
283
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,372
Uh, Brian, you're being
kind of disrespectful.
284
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,673
Ah, relax, baby.
285
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,460
Hey, check your phone.
I sent you something.
286
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:25,178
Oh, my God!
Is... is that your...?
287
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,948
Yeah. How'd you like to get hit
in the face with that?
288
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,292
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna go.
289
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:30,676
Why, you getting
more moles put on?
290
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:33,453
You know, I came here 'cause
I thought I'd made a mistake
291
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,754
by not giving you a chance,
292
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,858
but it's obvious you're
just another typical jerk.
293
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,527
Denise, wait...
294
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,265
All right, let's see
what you guys have done
295
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,742
to make yourselves look
like douchebags.
296
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,068
You're a son of a bitch.
297
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,603
You're teaching us all this
crap about how to get women
298
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,272
and it's all a
bunch of bull!
299
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,975
I came here 'cause
I wanted to get Denise back
300
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,810
and instead, you
ruined my life!
301
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,546
These skills aren't for women
you care about, you idiot.
302
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,915
This course is in getting
laid, not finding love.
303
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,350
So, what's the point?
304
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,319
If you never find love,
then it's just meaningless sex.
305
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,555
How will I get the woman
of my dreams?
306
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,823
Only when you're ready.
307
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,591
And maybe not even then.
308
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,794
You see, women are a lot like
Saturday Night Live sketches.
309
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,463
Lots of them are awful,
some are decent,
310
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,265
and a few are pretty good.
311
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,234
But then there's that one...
That one woman
312
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,371
who's as amazingly perfect
as "Massive Head Wound Harry."
313
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,908
For me, that woman
is Cheryl Tiegs.
314
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,476
You'd never fall
for these tricks.
315
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,644
That's why I keep trying
to figure out
316
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,546
how to bring you
back into my life.
317
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,082
So we can make it work.
318
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,417
I still remember the day we met.
319
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,588
Hey-ho, look at the man
on the unicycle.
320
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,900
Look at the man on the unicycle
with a parrot on his shoulder.
321
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,758
Hey-ho, put five cents
in the hat.
322
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,494
That's quite a skill
you've got there.
323
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,796
Well, ever since I got
discharged from the Navy,
324
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,498
I do anything
I can to make money.
325
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,466
I'm thinking about getting
my pilot's license.
326
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,036
Well, I think
unicycles are sexy.
327
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,975
Glenn, these past few weeks
have been amazing.
328
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,077
I think I'm falling
in love with you.
329
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,146
I know. I feel the same way.
330
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:07,580
If this is the kind of joy
331
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,083
the '80s has in store
for me, I'm ready.
332
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:13,186
But that wasn't the case.
333
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,822
In fact, things went
wrong real fast.
334
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:24,464
Uh, Cheryl, don't you think
it's time for us to go now?
335
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,832
Why? We just got here?
336
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:26,900
I'm having a good time.
337
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,301
Yeah, I can tell.
338
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,413
You've been talking to
John Davidson for half an hour.
339
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,305
Hey, Glenn, great
to meet you.
340
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,107
John Davidson, host
of That's Incredible.
341
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,076
Oh, hey, John.
I like your work...
342
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,310
not!
343
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,246
That was the first time
anybody ever used that.
344
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,613
First time, I swear to God.
345
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,650
Glenn, I've about had it
with your petty jealousy.
346
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,986
I'm starting to think this
relationship is a mistake.
347
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,421
Well, maybe it is.
348
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:51,591
Wow, did you just break up
with Cheryl Tiegs?
349
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,060
I sure did.
350
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,427
What do you think
of that, folks?
351
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:57,130
That's incredible!
352
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,404
Someday...
someday we'll make it right.
353
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,074
You shouldn't have tried
these tricks on Denise, Brian.
354
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,042
But if you ask me,
she got lucky,
355
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,619
because now she's dodged
the bullet of being
356
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,479
in a relationship with
a loser like you.
357
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,585
Well, you just think you know
everything, don't you?
358
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,816
Y-You're like a black
woman in hindsight.
359
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,086
I told you.
What did I tell you?
360
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,388
Didn't I tell you?
'Cause I told you.
361
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,856
Mm-hmm, and when
did I tell you?
362
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,225
A long time ago.
363
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,860
And what did I say would
happen when I told you?
364
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,097
Exactly what just happened.
365
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,941
Wha... Are... Are you...
366
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,310
Cheryl?!
367
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,577
Hi, Glenn.
368
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,279
Oh, my God. Cheryl.
369
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,680
Wha... what are
you doing here?
370
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,616
Well, you know, it's
been so many years,
371
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:50,693
and I was in the neighborhood,
372
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,752
and I thought I'd just
drop by and say hi.
373
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:55,455
My new boyfriend I guess knows
you, and told me where you live.
374
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:59,892
Hey, Cheryl, get your fat ass
over here before I dump you.
375
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,861
He's so bossy.
376
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,096
I love it.
377
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,298
Well, it was great
seeing you, Glenn.
378
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:25,918
Where is he?!
379
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,388
Where's that
son of a bitch?!
380
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,490
What's going on, Quagmire?
381
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:31,958
You dirty bastard.
382
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,560
I always knew
you were low,
383
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,696
but you're nothing more than
a backstabbing, junkyard cur.
384
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:39,032
What the hell, man?
385
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:42,035
My whole life's been
dedicated to Cheryl Tiegs!
386
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,303
Yeah, I know. So what?
387
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,871
Your dog is dating her!
388
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,005
No way.
389
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,674
You're banging Cheryl Tiegs?
390
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,842
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
391
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,111
Light the beacons.
392
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,689
Cheryl Tiegs.
393
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,057
Nice.
394
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,399
I really like
this restaurant.
395
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,468
You seem to
like everything.
396
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,270
Brian, you're acting
a little distant.
397
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:51,471
Yeah, get whatever you want.
398
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:55,007
Oh, hey guys, fancy me
running into you here.
399
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,643
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
400
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,945
Listen, Brian, I...
I've been a real heel,
401
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,047
and I'd like
to make it up to you.
402
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:04,817
Oh, well, that's very kind of
you, but there-there's no need.
403
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,320
No, no, no, no,
I-I-I-I want to. I want to.
404
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,422
In fact, you know, since
you guys are already here,
405
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,558
I'd like to treat
the four of us to dinner.
406
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,026
Well, sure, I...
wait, who's the fourth?
407
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,562
Oh, my new girlfriend.
408
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:16,729
Here she is.
409
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:17,864
Jillian?
410
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,166
Hi, Brian.
411
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:20,400
How are you?
412
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,801
Oh, he's doing great.
413
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,069
Isn't that
right, pal?
414
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,005
Guy looks like a million bucks,
all green and wrinkly, right?
415
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:27,374
Oh, get in here.
416
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,509
Ha-ha, hey, ho, ho,
whoa, heh.
417
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,579
Okay, let's, uh,
let's have dinner, huh?
418
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,917
So, uh, how did you
guys get together?
419
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,253
Um, he showed up at my door
420
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,155
and said he was
a Federal Boob Inspector.
421
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:46,092
And I was gonna tell him to
go away, but he had a warrant.
422
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,527
It was a Snickers
wrapper, Brian.
423
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,162
I held up a
Snickers wrapper.
424
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,431
But then he started saying
things to me
425
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:54,066
that my father might say
if he were still alive,
426
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,736
and I knew I liked him.
427
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,614
Well, I guess you guys have
gotten pretty close, huh?
428
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,308
Did Quagmire ever tell you
he was obese as a child?
429
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,142
Did Brian ever tell you
he once had a tick
430
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,712
on the back of his neck that he
couldn't reach with his mouth,
431
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,847
and it swelled up to the
size of a ping-pong ball?
432
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,525
Well, it was still smaller
than that thing
433
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,083
you had on your lip
for three years.
434
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,685
Oh, three years?
You mean like
435
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,721
the three years you
have left on this planet?
436
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:15,955
Oh, that's nice.
437
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,358
Hey, if you guys are so
close, maybe Jillian should know
438
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,327
that you teach a class
in picking up women.
439
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,429
And Cheryl should know
that you took that class.
440
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,797
Does Jillian know you're half
Polish, Mr. Quagglechek?
441
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:25,864
You son of a bitch!
442
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,407
Enough. Stop it,
both of you.
443
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,643
You obviously have
no respect for either of us.
444
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,845
Yeah, you're
acting all mean.
445
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:42,249
Now I'm glad you made me
face away during sex.
446
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,684
Maybe you boys will get
it together someday,
447
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,986
but it looks like that's
all you are... boys.
448
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,621
Yeah. Boys.
449
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,290
Yay, I helped.
450
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,325
Cheryl, wait.
Jillian.
451
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,527
I'm sorry.
I'll do anything, please.
452
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,166
Meg?
453
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,535
Yeah, this still
happens sometimes.
454
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,576
Hey.
455
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:10,743
You okay?
456
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,844
Yep.
457
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,413
Just waiting for my car.
458
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:18,785
Look, I'm sorry
I did what I did.
459
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,322
Cheryl's great,
and I hope someday
460
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,890
you get the chance
to be with her.
461
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,859
No. I'm never gonna get
that chance again.
462
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,895
I blew it for good, Brian.
463
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:30,229
And you know what?
464
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:31,764
I deserve to be lonely.
465
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,099
I'm no saint.
466
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,234
I dated Jillian
just to hurt you.
467
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,836
It's okay.
468
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,406
It probably wouldn't have worked
out, like everything else.
469
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,841
Hey, you know,
may-maybe it took us
470
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,176
stealing each other's girls
to finally become friends.
471
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,578
Yeah, maybe.
472
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,920
Oh, hey, uh, listen,
Cheryl actually drove me,
473
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,423
and I spent all my cash
in the restaurant
474
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:58,791
even... even... even though
you said you'd pay.
475
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,361
So, uh, would you mind
giving me a lift home, buddy?35165
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