Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,638
It seems today
that all you see.
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,975
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
3
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:11,412
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
4
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,382
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,585
Lucky there's a family guy.
6
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:21,389
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
7
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,057
All the things that make us.
8
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,858
Laugh and cry.
9
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:30,098
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,940
Oh, hi, Bonnie.
What's up?
11
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,510
Hi, Lois, um,
I hate to bother you,
12
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:45,113
but I'm going out
of town for a few days
13
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,880
to visit my father
in the hospital.
14
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,582
I was hoping that
while I was gone,
15
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,484
you could look in
on Susie and Joe.
16
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,153
And go have sex
with Quagmire.
17
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,421
Quagmire!
Quagmire!
18
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,356
Aw, shucks, you can't
blame a guy for trying.
19
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,591
Giggity-giggity-giggity!
20
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,563
Well, of course, Bonnie.
I'd love to help.
21
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,964
Meg, sweetie?
22
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,199
Yeah, Mom?
23
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,168
Bonnie wants you to look
after Susie and Joe
24
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,002
while she's out of town.
25
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,538
What?! Why me?!
26
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,340
I don't want to
have to do that.
27
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,442
And Bonnie said
you are very pretty.
28
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,744
But I... How did
that come up?
29
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:17,978
Oh, y-you know...
30
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,547
we were talking
about pretty people.
31
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,449
And... and I said
Rachel Maddow,
32
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,685
and she kind of took the baton
from there and said Meg Griffin.
33
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,053
Who's Rachel Maddow?
34
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,356
A model.
35
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,325
Yeah.
36
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,294
Okay, I'll do it.
37
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,033
Whoops.
38
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,969
Oh, hey, uh,
excuse me, fella?
39
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:44,104
Yeah, what do
you want, shrimp?
40
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,839
Oh, just a few moments
of your time.
41
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,040
Hang on.
42
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,747
Let me just get
this little guy assembled.
43
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,279
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doodie, doo.
44
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:52,513
So where you from?
45
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,548
Newburyport.
What's it to you?
46
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,318
Oh, I'm just always interested
in where people are from.
47
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,387
Everybody's got a story,
that's what I believe.
48
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,189
All right, I think
we're all set here.
49
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:09,263
Wow. Never seen
that happen before.
50
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,631
What the devil
happened here?
51
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,276
I've assembled that
rifle a million times.
52
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,202
Well, I don't know
if it's just the rifle.
53
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,312
What are you talking about?
54
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,737
I think you're going soft.
55
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,082
I mean, when was the last time
you tried to blow something up,
56
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,241
or take over the world,
57
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,708
or even used the phrase,
"Damn you"?
58
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,811
Hey, I got a lot
on my plate, man.
59
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,580
I'm learning to use the toilet,
I'm learning what shapes are.
60
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,916
I-I spent half an hour laughing
at my own feet yesterday.
61
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,319
Yeah, you're losing it, man.
You're losing your edge.
62
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,920
Well, I don't care
for your tone
63
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,123
and I'd say you deserve a good
kick in the...
64
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,225
Oh, look!
65
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,759
Oh, Brian, look at them!
66
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,933
Come in.
67
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,270
Drop it, creep-o!
68
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,839
Don't move,
Catherine Deneuve!
69
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,508
Freezerino, Paul Sorvino!
70
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,310
What are you doing,
Mr. Swanson?
71
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,346
I'm tryin' out
some cop entrances.
72
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:02,650
Oh, well, I'm here to help
you out while Bonnie's gone.
73
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,218
Oh, great.
74
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,519
Uh, do you have
any experience
75
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,087
helping out people
with special needs?
76
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,823
Well, I did work for that
old lady down the street.
77
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:13,927
Meg, could you come
here, please?
78
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,329
What is it?
79
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:18,065
Could you see if I'm getting
a bed sore on my back?
80
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,334
Sure.
81
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,935
It looks fine
to me, ma'am.
82
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,437
Thank you, dear.
83
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,773
I must have just
slept on it wrong.
84
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,276
I stole Meg's cutaway.
85
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,417
What the hell is
going on in here?
86
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,094
Well, Brian, I thought
about what you said
87
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,887
at the park, and I've
decided you're right.
88
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,121
I have gone soft.
89
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,123
I've lost my
sadistic streak.
90
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,559
So I've built a concentrated
neural enhancement device,
91
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,261
designed to boost
my evil side.
92
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:49,630
All right, shall we take
this thing for a spin?
93
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,832
Now, when I say so,
hit that button.
94
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,404
Okay, hit it.
95
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,354
Well, how do you feel?
96
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,555
I don't know.
97
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,056
I don't feel any different.
98
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,058
Well, why don't you
try insulting me?
99
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,159
Yeah, okay.
100
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:22,062
Um, sometimes you
chase helicopters.
101
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,263
That's kind of lame.
102
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,698
Yeah. Um...
103
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,800
Besides, I do that
to protect the house.
104
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,637
Helicopters are going to hurt
us, and I make them stay away.
105
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,505
You know what?
Didn't look at it that way.
106
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,040
Thank you for protecting us.
107
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,706
Look, your machine
obviously didn't work.
108
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,453
It just needs a few
adjustments, that's all.
109
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,546
Come on, help me get
some of Peter's tools out
110
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,280
of the "gay-rage."
111
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:13,080
...97, 98, 99, 100.
112
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,915
Ah, thanks, Meg.
113
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:18,419
I really appreciate you helping
me out these past couple of days.
114
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,953
Sorry I bit you yesterday.
115
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,188
That's okay.
116
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:24,091
I guess now I know not to get
too close to your bowl, right?
117
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,893
Yeah.
118
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,929
I know you're not trying to hurt
me, but part of me doesn't know.
119
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,801
Oh my God, is it ten of 8:00?
120
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,503
Aw, damn it, I missed the bus.
121
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,037
Oh, well, that's
all right, Meg.
122
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,271
I can drive you to school.
123
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,873
That'd be great. Thanks.
124
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,279
So, uh... how are
your academics going?
125
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,015
Good. Real good.
126
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,117
That Puerto Rican street
gang give you any trouble
127
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,552
on your way home from school?
128
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,754
What Puerto Rican street
gang? You're welcome.
129
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,389
Oh, hang on,
there's a red light.
130
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,990
Got to hit the brakes.
131
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,061
So, um...
132
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:04,131
I hear you teenage girls are
pretty hot on that, uh...
133
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,833
Nic Cage.
134
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,902
Uh, no, not really.
135
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,739
Okay.
136
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,442
Hey, can you tell me
what Lady Gaga is?
137
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:18,846
Is that a band, or a
soda, or a store, or...
138
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,715
one of those terms
like "donkey punch"?
139
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:22,550
No.
140
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,384
Is it a douche?
141
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,288
Is Lady Gaga a douche?
142
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,923
I don't think so.
143
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,859
Well, whatever it
is, I like it.
144
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,561
Ah, green light.
145
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,732
Is... is it hard
being a paraplegic?
146
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,568
Well, it's no picnic.
147
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,370
Unless your version of a picnic
is being the basket.
148
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,639
Well, you seem like you have
a good attitude about it.
149
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,442
Yeah, you know, it's like we
handicapped people say:
150
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,612
"When life ruins your legs,
you just gotta make legonade."
151
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,914
I can sort of relate to that.
152
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,016
You know, sometimes
it's really hard being me,
153
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,318
and I guess I just
make Megonade.
154
00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,653
That sounds disgusting.
155
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:00,954
All right, we're here.
156
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,558
This is my school.
157
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,094
Yeah, isn't that where
you wanted to go?
158
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,729
Well, y-yeah, but...
159
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,931
most times people just
drop me off a block away
160
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,966
so they don't have
to be seen with me.
161
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:13,901
Aw, that's gay.
162
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,368
I don't mind being
seen with you.
163
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,369
You don't?
164
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,471
Of course not.
165
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,842
Well, I-I better go,
I don't want to be tardy.
166
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,211
Ah, that's not going to happen
from missing one class.
167
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,613
People are born that way.
168
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,047
Now run along,
or you'll be late.
169
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,521
Hey, who's that,
your boyfriend?
170
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,324
Yeah.
171
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,960
Yeah, that's my boyfriend.
172
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,769
Meg, you're here early.
173
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,738
Oh yeah, I just
wanted to make sure
174
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,574
you got a nice hot breakfast
before you head off to work.
175
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,076
Oh. Well, thanks.
176
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,210
What's with the getup?
177
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,411
Oh, nothing.
178
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,781
I just wanted
to look sexy for Susie.
179
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,583
How are your eggs, Joe?
180
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:05,819
If he doesn't say anything
about me calling him "Joe,"
181
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,688
that means we're truly in love.
182
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,657
She just called me "Joe."
183
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,824
That's kind of weird.
184
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,459
But I'll just let it slide.
185
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:13,894
She's got nothing going on.
186
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,896
Besides, what harm could it do?
187
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,765
They're delicious,
Meg. Thanks.
188
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,900
You're welcome, Joe.
189
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,069
Ah, I should have
said something.
190
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,871
He let me say it twice now.
191
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,606
It's like we're married.
192
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,741
This is Patrick Stewart.
193
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,243
How are you liking
the program so far?
194
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,096
Aah! Oh, geez, you scared me.
195
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,464
What happened
to your clothes?
196
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,766
Hey, what are you doing?
197
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,415
Brian, have you seen...?
198
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:09,950
Whoa, what the hell
happened to you?
199
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:13,420
Easy, easy, man, easy.
200
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,825
What the hell is
your problem?!
201
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,226
Me? What did I do?
202
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,104
You're the one going all
Michael Hutchence over here.
203
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,096
You just stay away
from me, you psychopath.
204
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,331
Hey, ow.
205
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,233
Look, I don't know
what's going on here,
206
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,619
but don't be throwing things,
because that's just not safe.
207
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,606
What?
208
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,008
Oh... my... God.
209
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,745
Good Lord!
210
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,380
I... am a genius.
211
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,415
What... what is it?
212
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,550
Don't you see, Brian?
213
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:44,985
My machine did work.
214
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,220
It created an evil clone
of me.
215
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,727
That's why I didn't
feel more evil...
216
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,223
All the evil energy
went into him.
217
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,225
Well, kill it. It almost
choked me to death.
218
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,127
I shall do
no such thing, Brian.
219
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,362
It must be studied.
220
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,965
If I can decode the genetic
puzzle of this being,
221
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,900
perhaps I can determine
how to apply it
222
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,468
to my own neurological makeup.
223
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,136
Evil Stewie, come with me.
224
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,405
We're going to run
a few tests on...
225
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,573
Oh, my God, a baby!
226
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,909
Are you okay?!
227
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,687
Hi, honey.
228
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,788
What?
229
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:55,856
What'd you say?
230
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,324
I just said hi.
231
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,527
Is that, uh... is that
Bonnie's dress?
232
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,329
Oh, yeah.
Susie spit up on me,
233
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,798
and I didn't want
to go all the way home,
234
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,033
so I just threw
this on.
235
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,367
I hope that's okay.
236
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,737
Yeah, it's fine,
I guess.
237
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,239
Oh, here's that
juice box you asked for.
238
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,774
Oh, thanks, Meg.
239
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,442
What's wrong?
240
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,810
Oh, nothing.
241
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,512
It's just that I like
to put the straw in myself.
242
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,515
Oh, I-I'm sorry. Here.
243
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,684
Yeah.
It's not the same now.
244
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:27,187
I'll, uh, I'll just get
another one.
245
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,422
I'll get it!
246
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,991
Hello.
247
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,559
Oh, hi, Meg, it's Bonnie.
248
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,394
How is everything going there?
249
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:35,462
Oh, great.
250
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,528
Has Joe died?
251
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:37,865
What? No.
252
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,399
That's good.
253
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,002
I was just calling to tell him
my father is recovering well
254
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,037
and the doctors say
he'll be fine.
255
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,073
That's great. I'll tell him.
256
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,742
I'll be flying back
first thing in the morning.
257
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,210
That's great, too.
258
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:53,613
Okay, bye, Bonnie.
See ya tomorrow.
259
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,680
Bye.
260
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,883
Who was that?
261
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,717
Oh, uh, prank call.
262
00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,053
Oh, yeah, I, uh, get
a lot of those.
263
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,522
I can never figure
out who it is.
264
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,257
Who is this?
265
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,644
Wheely-wheely stupid head,
but you wish that you were dead.
266
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,228
Listen, I don't know
who this is,
267
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,663
but you better cut it out!
I'm a cop, you know!
268
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,400
Oh, what, are you gonna report
me on your can't walkie-talkie?
269
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,802
I'm gonna hang up now.
270
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,136
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!
271
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,981
I got three more of these
I wrote on a napkin.
272
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,207
All right, three more.
273
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,998
Ma'am, is this your bag?
274
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,367
I don't know how that cocaine
got in there.
275
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,502
Ma'am, this bag contains
a concealed weapon.
276
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,804
I'm gonna have to place you
under arrest.
277
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,374
Oh, my goodness,
how did that get in there?
278
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,309
You're gonna have
to come with us, ma'am.
279
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,743
What happened to the coke?
280
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,212
There's no coke
in here.
281
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,982
Ricardo's gonna kill me.
282
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,392
This is nice, Joe.
283
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:49,362
A night out, a good dinner.
Thank you so much.
284
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:50,940
Well, I wanted to do
something special.
285
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,165
Show you how much
I appreciate
286
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,867
all the hard work
you've been doing.
287
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,068
Oh, it's been my pleasure.
288
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,603
So, listen,
there's something
289
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,571
I wanted to talk
to you about.
290
00:13:58,638 --> 00:13:59,506
What's that?
291
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:02,409
Do you ever think
about having another baby?
292
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,111
I don't know.
293
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,578
I guess I'm open
to it.
294
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,280
Really? Oh, that's great!
295
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,815
So, I'll get off the pill...
296
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,117
What do you mean?
297
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,252
Nothing. Nothing. Forget it.
298
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,787
I-I think I'm just
a little scattered tonight.
299
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,656
I'm probably just PMS-ing.
300
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,958
Oh, grody.
301
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,759
Hey, this is supposed
to be a fun night.
302
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:20,928
What's wrong
with you?
303
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,163
You know, I could ask
the same of you.
304
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,732
We haven't made love
in two weeks.
305
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,467
We haven't made
love ever!
306
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,638
Oh, great!
Now you've upset the baby!
307
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:38,045
Oh, God! Oh!
308
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:42,415
This feels right, but it
tastes like a dirty penny.
309
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,753
This is ridiculous.
310
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:47,979
Evil Stewie could
be anywhere.
311
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,565
You know, this really
is all your fault.
312
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,491
If you hadn't told me
I was going soft
313
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,958
I wouldn't have
created Evil Stewie,
314
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,294
he wouldn't have escaped
315
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,396
and we wouldn't be trying
to track down a murderer.
316
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,898
For all we know he could be
killing someone else right now.
317
00:14:58,966 --> 00:14:59,899
Oh, no.
318
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:00,900
Oh, no.
319
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:01,834
Oh, no!
320
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,270
Oh, yeah!
321
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,413
Listen, guys, I got
something to tell you.
322
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,682
And I don't really know
how to break it to you,
323
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,418
so I'm just going to come
right out and say it.
324
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:19,819
Meg has a crush on me.
325
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,826
Oh, my God!
Get over yourself!
326
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,396
Well, look, all I'm saying is,
327
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,165
I remember when Brian had
a similar difficulty with Meg.
328
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:35,335
Maybe she's prone to quick
and severe infatuation.
329
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,037
Yeah, with a dog,
not a cripple.
330
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,938
Hey, easy there.
331
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,607
All right,
look, maybe I'm wrong.
332
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,276
Maybe I misread a few
of Meg's signals.
333
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:46,113
Sorry I bothered you.
334
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,984
Excuse me, Lois, I have
to go make a phone call.
335
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,586
Hey, wheely stupid head,
336
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,322
I heard you think
Meg likes you.
337
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,489
Who is this?!
338
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,658
How are you getting
this information?!
339
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,696
Oh, my God, Joe was here.
340
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:04,864
Yeah, he just left.
341
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,700
I know. I can feel him.
342
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,502
I can smell him.
343
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,204
Mm, I can taste him.
344
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,440
Okay, I get the smell part.
345
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,043
But, Meg, I think we
have to have a talk.
346
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,111
Sweetheart, you don't...
347
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,180
You don't have a crush
on Joe, do you?
348
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:23,083
Um... I don't know.
349
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,186
Oh, my God, you do have
a crush on him.
350
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,355
What, Mom?
Why shouldn't I like him?
351
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,557
When I'm with him,
he makes me happy.
352
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,225
And he needs me.
353
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,594
Oh, Meg,
you're fooling yourself.
354
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,064
It's classic
Florence Nightingale Syndrome.
355
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,432
You're taking care of him
and you're feeling a closeness
356
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,169
that you're misinterpreting
as a romantic connection.
357
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,603
But think about it, Meg.
358
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,272
You two have
nothing in common.
359
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,407
You know, you're right, Mom.
360
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:50,343
I hear you loud and clear.
361
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,229
Meg, what the hell
did you do?!
362
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,498
I made us the same, Joe.
363
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,167
We're exactly alike, you and I.
364
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,703
Now we can be together.
365
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,738
My God, we have to get you
to the hospital.
366
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,215
No, but I mean after
soccer practice.
367
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,083
You got anything
planned for then?
368
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,452
I mean, nothing,
nothing.
369
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,321
Keep walking.
You don't know me.
370
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,962
The doctor says
you're going to be fine.
371
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,464
And your family's on the way.
372
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:47,066
But that was a crazy
thing you did, Meg.
373
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,301
I know.
374
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,470
I'm... I'm so sorry.
375
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,405
I just wanted us
to be closer.
376
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,341
Look, Meg, I do
care for you,
377
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,244
but I care for you like
I... I would a niece
378
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,045
or a good friend's
daughter.
379
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,648
I feel like such an idiot.
380
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:04,351
Don't. I'm lucky
to have you as a neighbor,
381
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,053
and even luckier
to have you as a friend.
382
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:11,090
Thanks. I'm lucky
to have you as a friend, too.
383
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,260
When is Bonnie
coming home?
384
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,328
I have to
apologize to her.
385
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,464
Well, you can
apologize right now.
386
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,531
Hi, Meg.
387
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,067
Bonnie, I'm so sorry
I got you arrested.
388
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,802
No, it's all right, Meg.
389
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:27,106
Look, I was a teenage girl
with a crush at one time myself.
390
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,109
I know sometimes
it makes you lose touch.
391
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:31,511
Thanks for being
so understanding.
392
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,813
I-I hope I didn't get you
into too much trouble.
393
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,716
I mean, you're not gonna go
to jail or anything, are you?
394
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,518
No, I'll be around.
395
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:42,355
I need these voice-over checks
to support my gambling addiction.
396
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:48,727
Evil Stewie?
397
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,863
Wherever you are,
if you can hear me,
398
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,132
I'm completely
defenseless right now.
399
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,539
Okay, there you are.
400
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,008
Well, this is a gift, Brian.
401
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,677
Thank you for making it so easy.
402
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,946
Hey, well, you know,
you're doing me a favor.
403
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,682
I've had enough; I can't live
with that stupid family anymore.
404
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,619
Do me a favor and end it
all for me, will ya?
405
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,255
Delighted to
oblige, Brian.
406
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,565
Oh, come on,
not this thing! Really?
407
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,866
Brian, it's me, Stewie.
408
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,102
Shoot him!
No! Brian, you know me.
409
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,670
Look at me.
Shoot him.
410
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,072
All right, there's
only one way to settle this.
411
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,341
Look at your feet.
412
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,809
Why? They're just feet.
413
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,478
Wh-What are they
doing down there?
414
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:46,979
They're like leg hands!
415
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,254
Nice job, man!
416
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,157
That was really
brilliant.
417
00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,959
Thanks. Just glad
this nightmare is over.
418
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,762
And I'm really glad I
didn't kill the wrong Stewie.
419
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:03,730
Yeah, me, too.
420
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,632
Hey, come on,
I'll take you home.29690
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof