All language subtitles for The.Kominsky.Method.S01E07.1080p.BluRay.x265-KONTRAST

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You gonna say something?

Eventually.

I'm gathering my thoughts.

It's really
just a yes or no answer.

Oh, it's much more than that.

Only if you need to
make me feel bad.

Sandy, there are certain things
we have to do in life

that are distasteful,
but absolutely necessary.

I can think of several.
Can you?

And I'm feeling bad.

There's colonoscopies,

engagement parties, flossing.

Let's see...

Being stuck in a car with you.

Taxes, Sandy!

Taxes are one of those
distasteful things

that we must do.

We really had to go through
colonoscopies to get here?

Did you actually think
the government

would just forget about you?

It's possible, yes.

- Hollywood has.
- That's amusing.

It's good you can joke
at times like this.

I fucked up, Norman.
What do you want me to say?

Are you gonna help me or not?

Three hundred thousand dollars!

- Thereabouts.
- "Thereabouts." A little tip.

When begging, it's good
to have an exact number.

You'll get it all back.

We'll set up a payment plan,

say, you know,
$1000 a month.

Math isn't really
your strong suit, is it?

- Why?
- Why? That's 25 years.

You know how old I'll be when
you finish paying me off? Dead!

Okay. How about if I push it up
to $1100 a month?

Still dead.

Listen...

I'm sorry
I put you on the spot.

I got myself into this mess,
I'll get myself out.

Good.

So, just to be clear,

I shouldn't count on you
to bail me out?

Sandy, my concern is not about
the 300 grand.

It's about you and me.

That kind of money
can ruin a friendship.

What do you think jail
will do to our friendship?

Well, it'll be
a white-collar jail.

You'll be playing tennis
with Bernie Madoff.

I don't play tennis.

You'll learn. It's fun.

- What's goin' on?
- I'm leaving.

- You're on your own.
- Oh, Min, come on!

Mom said not to rely on you.

She said you were a rotten human
being, but I didn't believe her.

Look, I may have had my flaws
as a husband,

but as your father,
I've been solid gold.

Yeah, 24 fuckin' carat.

What did you think
was gonna happen?

Well, it sounds
a little silly now,

but I was kind of hoping
by the time the IRS figured it out

I'd be in a vase
on your mantel.

Mantel?

You're going under the sink
next to the drain cleaner.

Just give me a couple of days.
I've got a plan

to get us through this.

Does it involve you
robbing a bank?

That's plan B.

Hey, I get to be glib.
You don't.

Sorry.

So, what's your plan?

Honesty.

I'm gonna go to the IRS

and I'm just gonna
tell them the truth.

Which is?

I haven't figured
that out yet.

I disagree. He's made his bed.

Now he's gotta lie in it.

Please spare me the clichés.

He is your oldest
and dearest friend.

Yeah, but that's only
because Ed Jacobs died.

Norman, you have the money.
Just give it to him.

Excuse me,
but whatever happened

to "Never a borrower
or a lender be"?

You wanna take advice
from Shakespeare?

He also said,
"Kill all the lawyers."

I agree with that too.

You know the right thing to do.

- Just do it.
- He'll never pay me back.

It's ridiculous
what he's proposing.

Sweetheart, you don't want
the money back.

- I don't?
- No!

You give it to him as a gift.
No strings.

Hmm.

Interesting.

Sandy's a proud man.

If I don't let him pay me back,
he will go nuts.

Well, you just have
to reassure him.

No, no, I...
I want him to go nuts.

That'll be the fun part.

Why can't it just be
a noble gesture?

That's in there too.
It's genius, really.

No strings is the biggest
string of all.

I think maybe you're losing
the spirit of this.

I still want it structured
as a loan.

Otherwise he'd pay taxes
on the money.

Or doesn't pay taxes
on the money

and we're right back
where we started.

Well, I'm gonna leave it to you
to figure out the details.

Yeah.
Definitely a loan.

But I don't want him
to pay me back

no matter how much
he cries about it.

This is gonna kill him.

No strings.

I'm sorry to make a scene,
but this is really hard for me.

When Mickey died...

Mickey was my accountant
for over 30 years,

and when he died...

I just lost it.

I mean,
you've got to understand

he was so much more
than an accountant to me.

He was my friend.
He was my mentor.

Oh, hell, I'm just gonna say it.

He was like
a surrogate father.

So when he died...

I kinda, like,
lost my mind, you know?

I let all the paperwork slide.

And then when I realized
that April 15th

had come and gone

and I hadn't filed my taxes

I didn't know what to do.

Without the Mickster,
I was just lost.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

But why didn't you get
a new accountant?

Because, uh...

Because getting
a new accountant

would be acknowledging
that Mickey was dead

and I still can't do that!

Thank you.

Well, Mr. Kominsky,

how do you propose
we resolve this?

Honestly, I think
I should pay you back.

I should pay you back
a 100 cents on the dollar.

Plus interest and penalties.

Yeah, sure, of course.
It goes without saying.

So...

what do you think
about $1000 a month

till we're square?

That would take quite some time.

Twenty-five years.

I don't think that's gonna fly
with my boss.

Do you own the building
that you teach from?

Yeah. Why?

If we seize the asset, sell it,

we get our money,
and everybody's happy.

I'm not happy.

Well, one way or another,

this gets resolved
in 48 hours.

Or?

We're the IRS.

Use your imagination.

Gee, I-I gotta tell you,

I liked the $1000 a month better.

Just excuse me.

Hey, Norman, what's up?

Yeah, no,
I-I can meet you, yeah.

That's great.
No, I'm on my way.

Fuck you very much.
I'll be back with the money.

Hey.

I took the liberty of ordering

you a Jack Daniel's
and Dr Pepper.

- Thank you.
- I hope you don't mind.

I was curious,
so I took a sip.

And?

I spit it into here.

Charming.
So what's up?

After giving it much thought,

I've decided to give you
the money.

Oh, Norman,
Norman, thank you.

Thank you.
I am beyond grateful. Thank you.

And like I said, I promise you,
I'll pay you back every penny.

No, no, no. That's the one thing
that won't happen.

I'm giving it to you as a gift.

No, no, no, no.
I-I gotta pay you back.

Why?
Because you have your pride?

Yes, yes,
because I have my pride.

That's not my problem.

I'm giving you the money
free and clear.

No strings.

So you write me a check
for 300 grand

and I'm supposed to carry on
like nothing happened?

No, I'll write the IRS a check.

I don't trust you
with the money.

Wow.

Why don't you just cut off
my balls?

Why don't you just take my
money and be grateful?

I can't. Giving me the money
with no strings

is like the biggest string
of all.

Well, that's a very
cynical attitude.

Norman, I have to
pay you back.

- I have to make the effort.
- No.

See, what's gonna happen is

you'll start out all gung-ho
with a lot of enthusiasm

and then before you know it,
you'll be late

on a couple of payments
and I'll have to ask you,

"Where's the money?"

And you'll get snippy with me

and just like that,
our friendship will be over.

I'll get snippy with you?

Look at that.
You're already snippy.

So you're assuming that
I not only won't pay you back,

I'm incapable
of paying you back?

Correct.

Okay. All right.

Well, thank you
for your offer.

Here's my counteroffer.

I'd like you to take
that $300,000,

tie it up with that string
that you claim is not a string,

and shove it up your ass.

Not as much fun
as I thought it would be.

Hi, this is Lisa.
Please leave a message.

I know you're not
really thrilled

with me, um, right now...

...but compared to everybody
else in my life

"not thrilled" makes you

president of the Sandy Kominsky
fan club.

Anyway, uh, I'd appreciate
if you called me back,

and soon, because I may not
have a phone much longer.

Bet you get a lot of vomit
in these Uber cars.

Oh, don't worry. Don't worry.

I-I'm not a puker.

The only way booze
is jettisoned from my body

is through my winky.

You're a good listener.

Important skill
as you move through life.

Thank you. F-five stars.

Fuck it, six stars! Eh...

Okay.

All right.

Oh, let's, let's just see here.

Okay.

Jambox is in pairing mode.

Okay. There we go.

Hang on here.

Hang on.

Bluetooth is connecting.

Yeah, baby!

Oh.

Music.

Peter Frampton.

Peter, Paul and Mary.
Peter Gabriel, there you are.

♪♪ Michael row the boat ashore ♪♪

♪♪ Hallelujah ♪♪

Damn it. That's the wrong Peter.

Lisa?

I'm sorry!

Hey, it's Mr. Piss-boy.

Where's your mother? Prick.

She's not home.

Oh, shit.

Well...

Well-well-well,
when is she coming home?

I-I can't hear you.
Come closer.

Wh-when is-is she coming back?

A little closer.

Are you, are you deaf?

Perfect.

- Whoo!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What the fuck?

Whoa!
You little dick!

Fuck you, man!

Whoo.

God damn you!

No, no, no, no, no! Ah!

Dance, Piss-boy!

What the hell is going on?

I want you to give me
another chance!

Mathew, stop!

Wha-what are you doing here?

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry

for taking you for granted.

You're the best thing
that's happened

to me in a really
long time, and...

I hope you come visit me
in jail.

Why are you going to jail?

My accountant died.

All right, look. Come...

Come inside.
Come on. Come with me.

- His name was Mickey.
- Okay.

He was a great guy.

Look, come on.
Here. Step, step.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- You got here fast.
- Yeah.

- Thanks for coming.
- Well, sure.

I'm sorry to have
to call you like this.

- Oh. No, no.
- It's just...

Well, he's, he's an unusual man,
your father.

Yeah.
He's an idiot.

Come on, Dad.

Why do I smell
like gunpowder?

Come on.
Let's get you home.

I'm a little foggy, um...

Did I win you back?

- No.
- Okay. I'm gonna keep trying.

Let me know when it stops being cute
and turns into stalking.

- Will do.
- Come on, Dad.

Yep. Keep going.

Mathew!

So are you ready
to take some advice,

or do you still think
you have all the answers?

I don't have any answers.

What do you got?

I may have misspoke.

Really? How so?

You made a very generous offer

and I was, uh,
less than gracious.

Less than gracious?

You told me to shove it
up my ass.

Like I said, I misspoke.

What my father is trying to say

is that he's very grateful
for your help

and deeply appreciates
your friendship.

Thank you, but I'd like
to hear him say it.

You really want to rub my nose
in it, don't you?

You're right.
I'm being petty.

Well, you are.

So say it.

Dad.

I am really thankful
for your help.

You are a good friend.

All right.

Here's the final number
with interest and penalties.

Wow. I think I'd like
to rub some more.

Just write the check.

All right.

Let me just jot down

in the memo
"No strings."

Okay.
Who's less than gracious now?

Suck it up.

Thank you.

You should get down
on your knees

and thank God
for a daughter like that

because you did nothing
to deserve her.

Oh, you wanna talk about
the daughters we deserve?

Because I think you win
that argument.

How dare you?

Phoebe's problems
are not my fault.

So you're gonna put it
on your dear, departed wife?

Oh, that's very classy.

Eileen and I went
to Al-Anon.

They cleared us
of all responsibility.

Whatever you need
to believe, buddy.

Come on!

What I believe is that
you're an ungrateful little man

whose bitterness
about his failed acting career

poisons his entire
outlook on life.

The only reason
my acting career stalled

is I was stupidly loyal
to an agent

who couldn't find his asshole
with a flashlight and a rake!

Oh, really? Shall I list

the many successful actors
I've represented,

some of whom have named
their children after me?

Bullshit! Nobody names their
child Norman.

Ask Suzanne Somers
what she named her Cockapoo.

- That's not a child!
- Oh, yeah?

You should see
how she treats that dog.

If you wanna talk
about successful,

I had a Tony Award
when I signed with you.

- I was hot!
- Yeah, you were hot.

And then you came to Hollywood

and you pissed off
every Jew that counted.

You burned bridges. You burned roads.
You burned tunnels.

If there was a path to success,
you set it on fire.

Well, forgive me for having
standards, for having integrity.

Standards and integrity
are for Oscar winners.

Everybody else
has gotta bend over.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Jesus! Excuse me.
Hold it! Hold it!

I'm so sorry.
I'm not usually this person.

You know what?
I don't need this shit.

I got a class to teach.

Oh, sure, the Kominsky Method.

A how-to from a never-was.

Hey, I may not have had
the career I wanted,

but at least when I look
in the mirror,

I don't see an agent.

No, you see an old man
desperately trying

to look young by not shaving.

I had this look long before
it was trendy.

Sandy Kominsky.
Paid in full, bitch!

And I have no car.

Okay, we've got time
for one more.

Anybody feeling lucky?

I'd like to go.

Margaret. Wonderful.

What do you got for us?

I've been working
on a monologue

from Albee's Virginia Woolf.

Really?
That's kind of a tall order.

I know.

But I think I'm ready
to try it.

Okay.

Go with God.

George...

who is out there somewhere
in the dark.

George, who is good to me
and whom I revile.

Who understands me...

and whom I push off.

Who can make me laugh and I...

choke it back in my throat.

Who can hold me at night

so that it's warm,

and whom I will bite,
so there is blood.

Who keeps learning
the games we play

as quickly as I can change
the rules.

Who can make me happy,

and I do not wish to be happy,

and yes, I do wish to be happy.

George and Martha...

for whom I will not forgive
for having come to rest.

For having seen me
and having said,

"Yes, this will do."

Having made the hideous,
the hurtful,

the insulting mistake...

of loving me...

and must be punished for it.

George and Martha.

Sad, sad, sad.

Margaret, I've been
doing this for a long time,

and that's one of the finest
pieces of acting

that I have ever seen.

Thank you for being my teacher.

Good job.

Mindy, it has come
to my attention

that I may have a bit
of a character defect.

- A bit?
- Let me finish.

Because, you know,
a bit is just a little...

You gotta let me talk, Min.

The defect of which I speak

is that I take people
for granted...

especially those
that give a damn about me.

I know I've let you down,

and I wanna do
something concrete,

you know, to make up for it.

You wanna take me
for ice cream, Dad?

Oh, Jesus.
Would you please, Min?

Apparently, I'm only good
for one thing in life.

That's teaching.

I seem to fuck up pretty much
everything else that I do.

Not everything.

Most everything.

This place wouldn't be here

if it wasn't for you.

This is where you belong.

So, from now on,
I work for you.

What are you talking about?

Now that the studio
is in the clear,

I'm gonna put it in your name.

Dad, I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.
To me, at least.

You can tell your mom
to go fuck herself.

Hello.

- Hey.
- What brings you here?

I'm not happy with the way
that we left things.

Really?

Really.

Well, to be completely truthful,

I'm not too pleased with it,
either.

Okay.

Well, let me start...

by saying I'm sorry
for some of the things

that I said to you.

Just some of them?

Now you go.

I'm sorry, as well.

Okay, then. Well...

One last thing to do.

This is the first
of 300 payments

of $1000 each,

paid monthly,

rain or shine.

Alive or dead?

Sure.

I now understand
how important this is to you.

Thank you.

Hang on one moment.

What are you doing?

Just a second.

Alex!

I want to thank you
for your excellent service.

Thank you.

You rat fuck bastard.

What? You don't like Alex?
He's a lovely man.

Would you like to order
your stupid drink?

Well, I sure as hell
can't hang out with you sober.

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