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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,834 Dennis. 2 00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:07,967 Wake up, buddy. 3 00:00:08,488 --> 00:00:10,632 Smell the stew, okay? 4 00:00:10,734 --> 00:00:14,408 Breathe in the arousing aromas 5 00:00:14,578 --> 00:00:16,845 of this delicious st... Ah, screw it. 6 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:22,373 What the hell was that? That's hot as shit. 7 00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:23,940 Yeah, yeah, that's a whole bowl of stew 8 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,289 you took right in the grill. 9 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,508 See? It does wake people up. 10 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,509 Why am I in a hospital? 11 00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,821 And why is your head still on? Did they reattach it? 12 00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,344 Left the skin pretty loose, I see. 13 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:38,998 You didn't behead me, you stupid idiot. 14 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,044 You had a 105-degree fever, 15 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,697 and you were hallucinating. 16 00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,656 You were too weak to even lift the ax. 17 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,049 You did collapse and shit yourself 18 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,267 and stink up the whole castle. 19 00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:50,096 You know, Dee, I, uh... 20 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,142 I'm starting to think I might have had COVID. 21 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,057 - Oh, yeah? You think? - Yeah. 22 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,146 Mr. Reynolds, you're finally up. 23 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,625 What is that? 24 00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,280 - It's stew. What's the update, man? - Stew. 25 00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:02,674 Uh, okay. How are we feeling? 26 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,850 Uh, outraged, violated, 27 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,895 disgusted at the looseness of my sister's neck, 28 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,375 covered in stew, 29 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,769 dragged from my castle to a dingy hospital 30 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,727 where I'm about to be saddled with an enormous bill. 31 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,686 Well, there is no bill. It's free. 32 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:15,992 Ireland has public health care. 33 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,950 Oh, well, then that'll be fine. 34 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,169 It's free, huh? 35 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:21,998 Well, then maybe I ought to get my neck done. 36 00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:25,784 Yeah, your sister's a stitch. 37 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,525 Oh, yeah? Have you heard the one 38 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,483 about the hot Irish doctor who has a fling 39 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,442 with the hilarious American tourist? 40 00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,096 'Cause I could give you the punch line 41 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,793 over drinks tonight, my place. 42 00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:37,274 Uh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Sounds great. 43 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,278 - Tonight it is. - Tonight it is. 44 00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:44,150 Looks like mama's about to have 45 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,587 a little of the old luck of the Irish. 46 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,177 You know, I'm just so glad you're feeling better, 47 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:12,483 Dennis, I really am. 48 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,050 Now, a couple quick things about the castle, 49 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,487 I do need you to clear out of here for the night. 50 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,663 - What? - Mm. 51 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,317 Dee, I haven't even begun to do half the things 52 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:21,492 I want to do with this castle. 53 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,494 - Now you're asking me to leave? - Yeah. 54 00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,148 Oh, Christ! 55 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,366 Frankenstein in the house. 56 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,499 - Christ. What is this? - What are you doing? 57 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:31,197 Just want to reconnect with my kids. 58 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:33,156 Not you so much, more Dennis. 59 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,723 Like, you know, father-son thing. 60 00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,595 I mean, you know, it's one of the strongest bonds there is. 61 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:40,380 - Come on. Give me a kiss. - What are you doing? 62 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:41,990 - A kiss? No! - Come on, give me a... lean down, give me a kiss. 63 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:43,688 Give your daddy a kiss. 64 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:45,855 No, no! God. Get your lips away from me, Frank. 65 00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:46,995 What? 66 00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:49,034 - Cut the bullshit. What's your angle? - What are you doing here? 67 00:02:49,118 --> 00:02:50,521 Charlie's got a new dad. 68 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:52,626 A-a new dad? 69 00:02:52,711 --> 00:02:54,119 - Weird. - Yeah. 70 00:02:54,204 --> 00:02:56,179 I want to humiliate the jerk. 71 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:58,355 I want to send his Irish ass packing. 72 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,139 - He's jealous. - Yeah. 73 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,359 Okay, well, listen, I-I don't have any interest in the, uh, 74 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,622 interpersonal dynamics between an old man 75 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,190 and his roommate/surrogate adult son, 76 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,713 but if we can incorporate 77 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,932 the castle into it in some way, then I'm in. 78 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:12,108 - Done. - No. 79 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,413 - No. - Yes. 80 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,198 Goddamn it, no! You listen to me. 81 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:18,636 This trip has been absolutely ruined because of you, okay? 82 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,465 And I have one chance tonight to have a good time in Ireland, 83 00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,119 so here is what is going to happen, 84 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,643 I'm going to go down to the bog, I'm going to gather peat moss 85 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,862 to burn it to try and get rid of the shit smell 86 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,777 that Dennis stunk up the castle with. 87 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,302 Do not be here when I get back. 88 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,691 Cool. 89 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,352 She's... 90 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,615 - Bent out of shape. - Yeah. 91 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:44,270 Well... just me and you, huh? 92 00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:47,099 Yeah. 93 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,884 It's a little odd being one on one, though, you know. 94 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,234 I feel, I feel like we usually have a buffer. 95 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,449 Yeah. 96 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:54,930 Yeah. 97 00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,766 So, Mac, 98 00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,464 when did you hear the call to become a priest? 99 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:07,206 Oh, when God took away my Irish identity 100 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:10,949 and made me Dutch to smite me for the urges that He gave me 101 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,560 when I made the original sin of being born. 102 00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:15,736 That's not the way God works, Mac. 103 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,564 He doesn't smite us. 104 00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:19,958 Yes, He does. Yes, He does. Remember the flood 105 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,568 that took out the whole world? 106 00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:23,527 Remember? Then-then-then Noah made that ark, 107 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,268 and he saved himself but no women, 108 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,965 which was really cool. 109 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,446 Not sure how he made more people after that, though. 110 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:30,838 Could've been another rib situation. 111 00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:33,189 Either way, then God made the Ark of the Covenant 112 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,539 where he promised to never, ever do it again. 113 00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:37,367 Then a bunch of people looked at it. 114 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:40,239 He didn't like that, so he blasted them, too. 115 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,372 Remember, the Nazis got their faces all melted off, 116 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,504 and the-the guy with the whip and the hat, he was cool. 117 00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:47,681 I think you've mixed that story up with Indiana Jones. 118 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:49,509 Oh. I did? 119 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,685 - Yeah, but listen... - Oh. 120 00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:54,427 Many of the stories in the Bible are metaphors. 121 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,690 Parables with lessons. 122 00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,779 What's the lesson of the last one? Don't look at my shit? 123 00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:00,520 Look, you're looking at this all wrong. 124 00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,740 The Bible is a guidepost. 125 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,872 Interpretations can change over time. 126 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,309 They can? 127 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,311 Yes, and so can the Church. 128 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:11,183 Our God, the God we teach here, 129 00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,924 is a merciful God. 130 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:16,014 One that loves us for exactly who we are. 131 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,277 Otherwise, why would He have made us that way 132 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,626 in the first place? 133 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,977 Yeah. 134 00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,110 Yeah. Wow. 135 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,372 Thanks, Gus. 136 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,852 That's John Patrick Kelly. 137 00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:28,980 Killed by the plague. 138 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,987 And his son William, also the plague. 139 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,251 And Michael Kelly. 140 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,687 He was attacked by the village loon, 141 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,645 became a loon himself. 142 00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:41,779 He died from eating rocks, which he thought were eggs. 143 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,782 Oof. Yeah, I've made that mistake, yeah. 144 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:47,219 So, are all the Kellys buried here? 145 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,829 Uh... 146 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,789 Honored, yes. Buried, no. 147 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:54,182 They were all thrown from a cliff into the sea. 148 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,837 You see, legend has it 149 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:59,275 that only when a man is thrown from a cliff into the sea, 150 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,581 may his soul be released. 151 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,192 - Huh. - When I pass, I'll have the same done for me. 152 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:07,587 All Kelly men must be thrown from a cliff into the sea. 153 00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,546 Wow. 154 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:10,721 - That's pretty cool. - Yeah. 155 00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:12,026 Yeah. What about the women? 156 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,767 Oh, the women are thrown from a cliff as well. 157 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:14,899 Mostly alive. 158 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:17,380 Just to see if they can fly, 159 00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:19,207 as they're presumed to be witches. 160 00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:21,079 Right. Right. 161 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:24,038 Well, we... we honor their spirits. 162 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:26,867 Ah, yes, their spirits watch over us. The men, that is. 163 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,042 Ah. 164 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,306 The women roam the land 165 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,786 as terrible hags and banshees 166 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,268 whose wailing warns of impending death. 167 00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:37,878 If you ever see 168 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,358 a gruesome woman 169 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,273 covered in filth 170 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:43,014 with long, stringy hair, 171 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:45,408 who's horribly shrieking 172 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,235 in the night, 173 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:48,669 the end is near. 174 00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,324 Whoa. 175 00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:56,897 I mean, how am I supposed to know what peat is? 176 00:06:56,981 --> 00:07:00,031 What am I, a botanist? 177 00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:02,163 Hey-o. I'll burn you. 178 00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:04,427 Be like lighting a match. That works. 179 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,077 Oh. 180 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,128 Hey-o. That's my guy. 181 00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:13,000 A selfie, huh? You got it. 182 00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:17,004 Oh, goddamn it. 183 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,093 Dennis got me all worked up about my neck. 184 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:22,140 Here. 185 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:24,925 I mean, that's just insane. 186 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,446 Maybe if I stand back a little bit. 187 00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,798 Let's see here. 188 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,239 Oh! 189 00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:36,325 Ew. 190 00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:39,331 Oh, shit. 191 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,991 Oh... Help! 192 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:47,992 Dennis! 193 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,124 Um, I... 194 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,257 This is crazy, but I think I'm stuck. 195 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,260 Am I sinking? 196 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,563 Oh, shit, I'm sinking. 197 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,697 Yes. 198 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,616 Yes. 199 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,878 You're right. 200 00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,924 Huh? Who you talking to? 201 00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:09,317 Hmm? Oh, uh, nothing. It's just the-the castle. 202 00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:10,580 The castle? 203 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:11,798 - Oh. - Yeah, don't worry about it. 204 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,583 - Yeah, no. - Okay, we've got it. 205 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,846 - What? - It'll be a dinner. 206 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,501 - Hmm? - A banquet of humiliation. 207 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:21,895 Wait a minute. The old turd in the soup trick. 208 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,680 - What? No. We're not... - Turd in the soup. 209 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,030 We're not putting a turd in someone's soup, Frank, okay? 210 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,424 Can we be a little bit more sophisticated than that? 211 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,949 All right, so you invite them to a classy dinner. 212 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,559 You wine and dine the man 213 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,996 while also pointing out all of his character flaws, 214 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,563 and then you lure him over 215 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:40,218 to the castle's murder hole. 216 00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,525 Is that like a-a glory hole? 217 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,005 A predecessor to the glory hole, perhaps. 218 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,399 It's a discreet opening concealed in plain sight, 219 00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,574 except, instead of for sex, 220 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,577 it's used for murder. 221 00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:55,494 - You didn't see that there, did you? - No. 222 00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,583 No. Yeah, so you'll 223 00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,150 lure him under the hole, 224 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:01,152 where I will, uh, douse him with boiling oil 225 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:04,938 or hot tar or really any scalding substance. 226 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,636 Wait, you're gonna char the guy? 227 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,072 Yeah. 228 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,508 - Gonna char him up? - Yeah. 229 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:10,988 I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's-it's 230 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,250 got to be hot enough to be annoying as shit, right? 231 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,381 - You know what I mean? - Yeah. Burn him. 232 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,774 Uh, he's gonna get burned. 233 00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:15,949 But, I mean, Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, 234 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,429 so we can expose him 235 00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,431 as the child-abandoning monster that he really is. 236 00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,607 - Exactly. - Oh, FYI, 237 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:24,001 I'll know exactly when to pour the boiling substance on him 238 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,917 because I'm going to be hiding in this passageway here. 239 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,832 I'm gonna take this painting, 240 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,311 cover up the passageway. 241 00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:32,357 I'm gonna cut out the eyeholes 242 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:34,664 so I can see everything that's happening. 243 00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,013 That's something I've always wanted to do, 244 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:38,189 and it fully takes advantage of the castle. 245 00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,060 It also happens to be the castle's preference 246 00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:42,585 for how this is all gonna go down. 247 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:43,934 - Oh, right. - Yeah. 248 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,544 Wow. I wouldn't have been able 249 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,503 to think of this all by myself. I... 250 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,939 I mean... You know, 251 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,811 the sickness and anger inside of you is diabolical. 252 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:55,511 - Way to go, son. - Well... 253 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,991 I suppose all of your years of neglect 254 00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,124 and misdeeds 255 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,518 have allowed me to harness the darkness inside me 256 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,868 and to unleash it 257 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:07,523 without conscience, so... 258 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,569 Yeah, perhaps I owe you a... 259 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,485 thanks for making me the man I am today, Frank. Thank you. 260 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,835 You're welcome. 261 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:18,226 Yeah, y... Maybe I'll just, um... 262 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,454 - There. - Oh. 263 00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:29,545 Was that okay to do? 264 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,982 Yeah, it was nice. 265 00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:35,376 Good. 266 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,987 So, you're telling me 267 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,379 that the whole Cain and Abel thing 268 00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,380 didn't actually happen? 269 00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,556 Metaphor. 270 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,383 This is all so confusing. 271 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,081 Yes, look... 272 00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:47,388 Our faith is... it's complicated. 273 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,042 Can I admit something? 274 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:52,611 You said you were, you were born a certain way. 275 00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:54,744 - You're... different. - Mm-hmm. 276 00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:57,094 You have urges that, traditionally, 277 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,662 the Church has been very clear about. 278 00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:00,706 Well... 279 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:03,448 I have those urges, too. 280 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,668 - You do? - Yes. 281 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:08,192 I, too, have an eye for the lads. 282 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,412 It's not uncommon. There's nothing wrong with it. 283 00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:14,241 It's who He made us. 284 00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,679 But, uh, our path, 285 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:19,420 this path, is very clear. 286 00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:22,293 We must never act on those urges. 287 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:25,426 That's gonna be really hard for me. 288 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,254 That's what he said. 289 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,693 That's-that's really good. 290 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:31,650 Thank you. I'm sorry. 291 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,870 It just slipped out. 292 00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,219 That's what he said. 293 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,613 Shh! Shh. 294 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,741 Sorry. 295 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,051 Sorry. 296 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,530 Help! 297 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,663 Oh, God, help. 298 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,143 - Hello? - Hello! 299 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:48,754 - Hello? - H-Hello! 300 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,322 - Hello... - W-W-Waitress? 301 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,716 Oh... my God. 302 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,805 What the hell are you doing out here? 303 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:59,460 What are you doing out here with a toiletry bag? 304 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,593 Are you gonna brush your teeth in a stream or something? 305 00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:04,335 No. I was gonna shave my legs. 306 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,424 Ew. Gross. 307 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:09,732 Um, hey, can you help a girl out and then get me of this bog? 308 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,081 Are you stuck in there? 309 00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,735 Yeah. 310 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,432 I know. 311 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:15,955 I also seem to be sinking. 312 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,174 - And, uh... I know. - Uh-oh. 313 00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,610 And I-I-I have a date tonight 314 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:19,916 with a real hot Irish doctor. 315 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,392 Is he meeting you here, or...? 316 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,748 You got me. No, no. He's meeting me out there. 317 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,053 - I bet. - So that's why I want 318 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,838 to get out of here. I also don't want to die, 319 00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,317 but, either way, could you p... Just give me a big tug, 320 00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:31,797 and I bet you could get me out. 321 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:33,973 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. I got you. Let me just... 322 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,538 - You're a livesa... - Grab my hand, and I'll... Psych! 323 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,371 "Psych"? 324 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:43,461 - Your face. I'm kidding. No, I got you. - Okay. 325 00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:45,289 - Psych! - Oh... 326 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,812 Two times. 327 00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:49,249 - I will get you. - Hey, uh, well, just quick tip 328 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,121 for you, nobody does "psych" anymore. It's kind of dumb. 329 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,688 - Oh, do they not? - Nah, it's not funny, it's dumb. 330 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,820 - I feel like it's classic. I-I got you. - Oh, you got me. 331 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,387 - You got me. I got you, and you got me. - I got you. 332 00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:57,736 Okay. 333 00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,477 It's fun. All right, here we go. Psych! 334 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,697 Oh, my God. Just... Come on. Knock it off. 335 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,524 Cut the shit. Get me out of here. 336 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,135 I will, I will, I will. All you have to do is one thing. 337 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,050 Yes. Great. What? 338 00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:09,269 Say my name. 339 00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,532 Hmm? 340 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,228 Just say my name. What is it? 341 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,671 Oh, o... kay, yeah. 342 00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,804 Yeah, yeah. 343 00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,109 - It's... That's easy. - Okay. 344 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:25,068 Just, just give me, give me a second. 345 00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,157 Well, Mac, this is it. 346 00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:29,507 The end of a typical day in my life. 347 00:13:29,591 --> 00:13:31,596 It's modest, pious, 348 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,119 and somewhat dull, 349 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:36,082 but I can't imagine my life any other way. 350 00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,933 - What do you think? - Gus, 351 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,648 knowing that there's somebody here 352 00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:44,348 that's exactly like me gives me the courage 353 00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,394 to-to want to do it, too, so tomorrow 354 00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:49,657 I am going to join the seminary. 355 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,182 Grand! I am so happy for you. 356 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:55,533 And I must admit, I'm happy for myself, too. 357 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:56,926 Having someone here 358 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,015 who knows how I feel will help keep me 359 00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,060 - on the straight and the narrow. - Yes. 360 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,193 And no matter how strong those urges get, 361 00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:05,064 and they will be strong, 362 00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:06,457 we must never, ever give in to them 363 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,893 because we would get kicked out of the Church. 364 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,242 - Good, good. - Yes. 365 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,983 And we'll never, ever leave each other alone 366 00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,724 in the room with the wee lads. 367 00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:15,031 Yes, and I also think... 368 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,249 Wait, what? 369 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,469 Or the wee lasses, whatever you're into. 370 00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,253 There's no judgment here. 371 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,690 And, of course, you know, if you do slip up, 372 00:14:22,774 --> 00:14:25,041 you'll go to a new parish, they sort the family out, 373 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,173 have some chats, perhaps some money changes hands, 374 00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,045 perhaps not. No harm, no foul. 375 00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:31,003 You come back, you're grand. 376 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,918 Uh... 377 00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,352 Yeah, I'm gay. What are you talking about? 378 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:40,665 Oh... 379 00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,710 No. I'm gay. That's it. 380 00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,364 I'm a gay man. 381 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:48,064 I'm a gay man who has trouble controlling his... 382 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,588 urges with other 383 00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,720 gay adult men, 384 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,894 and that's the end of it. 385 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,985 Goddamn it. 386 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:07,170 Ah, welcome, welcome. Come in, come in. 387 00:15:07,255 --> 00:15:08,647 You're leaving us waiting out there forever. 388 00:15:08,731 --> 00:15:09,944 No, no, no. Come on in. 389 00:15:10,029 --> 00:15:12,436 Welcome, welcome. Shirley, let me take your coat. 390 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,786 Frank, his name is Shelley, okay? You know this. 391 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,396 And you couldn't take his coat if you tried, dude, 392 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:17,615 'cause it's buttoned to his pants 393 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:18,921 in traditional Irish style. 394 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,575 I'm not wearing a coat. 395 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,664 Right, he's not even wearing a coat, man. 396 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,710 All right, look, we brought you this. We made it ourselves, 397 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,320 - with love. - Mm. 398 00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,932 You made cheese together? 399 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,934 Uh, well, personally, 400 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:34,197 I think cheese should be sprayed out of a can, 401 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,763 but to each his own. 402 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,417 Yeah, well, normally I would agree with you, Frank, 403 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,376 but Shelley's really opened my eyes to a whole new world. 404 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,987 Oh, yeah? Well, that can be very blinding. 405 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,033 But I'm sure, by the end of the evening, 406 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:46,426 we'll all be seeing clear. 407 00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:49,081 Let's sit down. 408 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,867 I don't like how you said that. I don't like how he said that. 409 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,346 - Ah, yeah. - Wow. 410 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:54,957 - Well, come on in. - Cool. 411 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,436 - Wow. Okay. - Yeah. - Very nice. 412 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,961 Put it right there. Welcome. Sit down there. 413 00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,658 - Went all out, huh? - Shirley, you over there. 414 00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,486 - Charlie, there. - Here? 415 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:03,966 Welcome, and thank you all for coming. 416 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,577 You know, it's been a very trying time 417 00:16:06,661 --> 00:16:09,928 with Charlie finding his biological father, 418 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,843 who abandoned him when he was a child, by the way. 419 00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:14,715 Not judging, just the facts. 420 00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,668 Okay, I can't really read the tone of this dinner, you know? 421 00:16:16,752 --> 00:16:17,675 It's very confusing. You're being mean, 422 00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:18,850 you're being nice. What are you doing? 423 00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:20,983 No, no, I-I want everybody to be happy. 424 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,594 In fact, in the spirit of that, I bought everybody a gift. 425 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,727 So, just look under your seats, and you'll see 426 00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:29,034 a nice gift for you. Uh, Shelley, you go first. 427 00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,210 - Oh. - Oh, wow. 428 00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,733 - Yeah. - Okay. 429 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,819 Very nice. 430 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,174 Swim goggles? 431 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,132 Yeah, they're good ones, too. 432 00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,700 They'll protect your eyes from any chlorine 433 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:44,963 or oils or any other hot liquid 434 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,965 that might come in contact with your face. 435 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,706 That's, that's very kind of you, Frank, yeah, thanks. 436 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,534 Yeah, Frank, I'm not seeing a present for me. 437 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,014 No, no, no. 438 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,667 Just the one gift, just for Shelley. 439 00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,018 Eat up. Yeah. 440 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,194 Eat it while it's hot. It's, uh, 441 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,370 it's, uh, butternut squash soup. 442 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,111 And for the special guest, 443 00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,851 there's a couple meatballs in there. 444 00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,723 Didn't put any goddamn meatballs in that soup. 445 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:08,421 - Do you hear something? - Yeah. 446 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:11,294 Oh, it's probably your stomach grumbling from hunger. 447 00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:12,991 Eat up before they get cold. 448 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,427 Oh, why don't I get any meatballs? 449 00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,039 Now, just for the special guest. Eat up, Shel. 450 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,516 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't eat that. 451 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,302 What's in the soup, Frank? 452 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,265 Just butternut squash. A simple soup. 453 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,614 Are the meatballs turds? 454 00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:31,270 What? No, no, they're homemade meatballs. 455 00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,620 Shelley, eat 'em up before they get cold. 456 00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,448 - Go on. Go on. - No, don't-don't-don't eat them. 457 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,582 - Go on, Shelley. - Frank, you eat a meatball. 458 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,498 You want me to eat the meatball? 459 00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,366 Yeah, just eat a meatball. Eat one. 460 00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:47,895 All right. 461 00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:49,459 Grab a meatball, scoop it out. 462 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,612 Delicious. 463 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,831 Now, Shelley, have, have a meatball. 464 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,050 No, no, no, no. 465 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,660 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 466 00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:14,835 No, Shelley doesn't want one yet. 467 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,011 Chew it. Chew it. 468 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,400 And then swallow it. 469 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,275 Chew it up. 470 00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:28,762 Oh! I knew it! 471 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,155 I knew it, Frank! 472 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,765 You're not trying to bring us closer together, 473 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,115 you're trying to drive us apart! 474 00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:34,333 I knew you couldn't host a dinner without a motive. 475 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,508 You just can't do it. 476 00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:38,076 All right, you got me. Okay? 477 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,210 I'm tired of you hanging out with him the whole vacation. 478 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,341 I mean, all right, go ahead, 479 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:43,429 go, have your fun, 480 00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,040 but when you get back to Philly, 481 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,390 I don't want to even hear the name Shelley. 482 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,479 Well, I'm not coming back to Philly, Frank! 483 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,570 I think there's another man in this room. 484 00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,572 Never mind him. What'd you say, Charlie? 485 00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,269 I said I'm not coming back, Frank. I want to stay here. 486 00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:58,836 I'm gonna stay here, 487 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,272 and I'm gonna work in my dad's shop with him, 488 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,882 if-if that's all right with you. 489 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,015 Oh, that would make me the happiest man in the world. 490 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:06,626 Well, you do that, and... don't... 491 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,107 don't even think of coming back because we're finished. 492 00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,326 That's the end of it. 493 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,154 All right, Frank, if that's how you feel, 494 00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:13,329 we'll get out of your hair. Come on, Dad. 495 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,805 I'm sorry about this. 496 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,461 Thanks for the goggles, Frank. 497 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:25,645 Frank! What the hell was that?! 498 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,257 Charlie picked Shelley. 499 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:31,347 I... I'm talking about the turd soup, man. 500 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:32,870 You know, I'm starting to get caught up 501 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,350 in this whole father-son thing, too, 502 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,830 but then you put a-a turd in your mouth. I mean, my God. 503 00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:39,137 He had me up against the wall. What was I supposed to do? 504 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,049 Not eat a poopy. 505 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:46,275 Clementine? Valentine? 506 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,190 Diana? Denise? 507 00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,321 Dennis? Dane? 508 00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:51,628 Goddamn it. 509 00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,238 I've named every name in the entire world. 510 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,153 How have I not gotten it yet? 511 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,938 Oh, no, no, no. You-you got it a while back. It's just... 512 00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:00,506 I'm really enjoying watching you struggle. 513 00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,813 You drunk bitch! 514 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,426 Okay. 515 00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:08,819 I'm gonna save you. 516 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,734 Unlike you, 517 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:13,258 I'm not a psychopath. 518 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,391 Oh, ugh, God. Okay. 519 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:21,223 Okay. Oh... Oh, God. 520 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,528 Uh-oh, uh-oh. Now I'm in it. 521 00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:26,010 Hold on. No. Oh. Let go. No, let go! 522 00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:27,490 - Yes, you're doing it. - No, you're pulling me in. 523 00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:28,752 - Yes. - What are you doing? 524 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,449 - No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. - Thank you! 525 00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:31,842 - It's working. You're doing it. - You're pushing me under. 526 00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:33,452 - You're doing it. - Let me out. 527 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:36,151 - Oh, you are my hero. - My legs are stuck. 528 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,979 - Oh, yes! - Wait! 529 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,373 - Wait, wait, now I'm stuck. - You're stuck? 530 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,549 I would suggest you don't move 'cause you're just 531 00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,029 - gonna sink. - Help me out. 532 00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:46,639 Oh, no, I'm not gonna do that 'cause I got a date, 533 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,250 - but I'll come back. - No, no, no. 534 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,729 - You can't leave me here. - Great job! 535 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:50,904 Oh, you dirty bitch. 536 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,819 I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna kill you. 537 00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:54,169 - I'll be back after my date. - I'll kill you. 538 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,735 Thank you so much. 539 00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,604 Help! 540 00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,481 I'm so sorry about Frank. I... 541 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:03,874 I can't believe he tried to feed you shit. 542 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:05,005 I'll never forgive him for that. 543 00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:08,270 Ah, Charlie, it's good to forgive. 544 00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,010 You know, a true Kelly 545 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,274 always puts things right with the men in his life. 546 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,754 Yeah. 547 00:21:14,838 --> 00:21:16,756 Not so much the women. 548 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,977 Thus, the curse of the banshees. 549 00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:21,674 Right. 550 00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:23,981 Help! Help! Help! Help! 551 00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:26,201 Help! 552 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,159 Help! 553 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,247 What is that? 554 00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:33,904 Are you seeing that? What is that? 555 00:21:48,785 --> 00:21:50,312 What was that? 556 00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,357 A banshee. 557 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,361 ♪ 558 00:22:45,973 --> 00:22:47,456 I want to go somewhere exotic. 559 00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:48,892 Ireland, baby! 560 00:22:48,976 --> 00:22:50,197 An all new season. 561 00:22:50,281 --> 00:22:52,374 Do you mind if I go sample some of your jellies? 562 00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:54,111 No, help yourself.Delightful. 563 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,596 A banquet... What? 564 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,684 Ew. 565 00:22:58,768 --> 00:23:00,291 Of humiliation... 566 00:23:01,292 --> 00:23:02,340 And murder. Wait, what? 567 00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:06,605 All right. This is why Irish people hate Americans. 568 00:23:14,784 --> 00:23:15,788 No one has seen a stolen food truck, would ya? 569 00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:17,921 Um... no. 570 00:23:18,005 --> 00:23:19,879 Someone stole a truck. Broad daylight. 571 00:23:19,963 --> 00:23:21,359 Put your seatbelt on. Seatbelt? 572 00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,840 Put your seatbelt on or we're not leaving. Jeez! 573 00:23:23,924 --> 00:23:25,668 Your good thieves. Best in town. 574 00:23:25,752 --> 00:23:26,756 Thank you. 575 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:27,971 It is a small town. 576 00:23:29,233 --> 00:23:32,065 It is hard to be a warrior with dignity. 577 00:23:44,074 --> 00:23:45,209 Brace yourselves. 578 00:23:45,293 --> 00:23:46,689 Give me your best arguments.Sure. 579 00:23:46,773 --> 00:23:48,212 Pop culture is a religion. 580 00:23:48,296 --> 00:23:49,518 Fire. 581 00:23:49,602 --> 00:23:51,694 You're in an era where we worship celebrity. 582 00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:52,825 Oh, and also... 583 00:23:52,909 --> 00:23:54,174 Susie, shh! 584 00:23:54,258 --> 00:23:56,394 I don't listen to people, I listen to God. 585 00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:57,871 It's constitutionally guaranteed. 586 00:23:59,699 --> 00:24:01,356 Oh, terrible. 587 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,488 I'm here to present the future. 588 00:24:03,572 --> 00:24:05,882 I posted that black square, I deleted that black square, 589 00:24:05,966 --> 00:24:07,072 I reposted the black square, 590 00:24:07,156 --> 00:24:09,005 and then I redeleted the black square. 42005

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