All language subtitles for Hercules S06E05 Hercules_ Tramps . Thieves.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.UNVSL

It's nice of you to
drop in, Autolycus.

You're a funny man, Hercules!

So funny, in fact, I
think I busted a gut.

- Why are you following me?
- Practice, my good man.

If I can sneak up on you,
I can sneak up on anyone.

Huh. Well, you might want to oil your
hook. It makes a noise when you open it.

Oh. Thanks for the tip. Mm-hmm.

So. Where are we headed?

We? No. "We" aren't
going anywhere.

"I" am going to Thracia.

Ah, you're gonna help 'em
with that bank thing, aren't ya?

- What do you know about it?
- Only that it's the best idea
since the Kama Sutra.

Imagine, a whole town...

putting all its
money in one place.

One-stop shopping for a
wonderment such as, uh, myself.

And that's exactly why
I'm gonna help them...

secure their bank.

- Bye, Autolycus.
- Now I see how you are,
Hercules.

I offer to spend some quality
time with my good friend,

and, no, you leave me on the
side of the road like an old sofa.

Well, okay, that's fine. I'll just
have to think of something to do.

After all, I am the
King of Thieves.

I hate it when he does this.

All right. You can come along.

Hey! But you have to promise
me you won't rob the bank.

I promise.

- Uh-huh.
- What? Wha...

What are you doing? I'm just making
sure you aren't crossing anything.

Hercules, I'm a thief, not
a liar. I have my standards.

Mm. All right. "I promise
not to rob the bank." Okay?

Okay. Hey.

Tough thing about
Salmoneus, huh? Yeah.

That massage parlor
bust was a real drag.

What did you do then? I told
him to give me my dinars back,

or I'd curse him
to Hades. Really?

Excuse me. Do you know
where I could find the sheriff?

In there. Bye now. Thanks.

All right.

I only promised
not to rob the bank.

Hey! Autolycus!

♪♪

Not bad, huh?

Well, a family
establishment, eh?

Ooh! Say, Toots, how about a
Horizontal Mambo on the rocks?

Gee, mister. I never
heard of that one before.

What's in it? Me and you
and not a whole lot else.

You'll have to, uh,
pardon my friend.

He's in a lot of pain.
"Horizontal Mambo."

Behave yourself. I'm
gonna go say hi to the sheriff.

♪♪ Sheriff! Good to see ya.

Yeah, hi, son. Not now.
Show's about to start.

Welcome, gentlemen! Yeah, well,
we don't want to miss the show.

And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for:

We're proud to present
our star attraction!

The cherry in your cola,

the wood in your pecker,

Miss Luscious Deluxe!

♪ Think you're
likin' what you see ♪

♪ Hey, fella, take
a tip from me ♪

♪ I don't really
mean to flaunt ♪

♪ But I get what I want ♪

You know that lady?

That's no lady.

That's my wife.

This is the story
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued
mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared to
challenge their power...

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the
minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,

wherever an
innocent would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

Hail!

♪ I'm not the
poster girl for tact ♪

♪ I'll take the tunic
off your back ♪

♪ You're a deer caught
in my headlights ♪

♪ As far as I'm
concerned 'Cause, honey ♪

♪ I get what I want ♪

♪ Don't ask me to make it
When it's so easy to take it ♪

♪ Forget my sweet demeanor ♪

♪ I'll take ya to the cleaner ♪

♪ Pay close attention
while I bump and grind it ♪

♪ I'll put your money
where you'll never find it ♪

She's your wife? My ex-wife.

We were a couple of
crooked kids, crazy in love.

Life with Luscious
was full of booty.

We stole a lot of stuff too.

So how'd you... screw it up?

Our passion was just
too great to be contained.

It blew us apart, I tell you!

Well, that and I let her rot in
prison for a crime I committed.

Well, it's good to see
chivalry is not dead.

Who's that? A friend of yours?

♪ I like the things
that don't come free ♪

♪ I'd bite that apple
right off of your tree ♪

♪ That's why I get what I want ♪

- ♪ Oh, please don't join us ♪
- ♪ Sugar, I get what I want ♪

♪ She likes to flaunt it ♪
♪ Baby, I get what I want ♪♪

It's not what you think.
There was this job, this...

priceless marble
bust of Cleopatra.

I hear they're doing her head
next. Anyway, on my way out...

I dropped the garter
belt that I was wearing.

Can we keep the details on a
strictly "need to know" basis?

Oh, this is important. See,
Luscious and I, we used to swap...

an article of clothing
for good luck.

It's a long story. Anyway, the
garter belt was hers, and it was...

this stupid, monogrammed
lingerie, and the next thing I knew,

the local stooges are hauling the
old ball-and-chain off to the big house.

And you didn't confess,
to get your wife out of jail?

Well, that was our agreement. If one of us
got caught, the other one wouldn't tattle.

Still, she divorced me the
day she was sentenced.

Ah, the nerve of some
people. Tell me about it.

Well, still, we all
make mistakes, right?

And judging from the eye she's
giving me, I'd say my little honey jugs...

is ready to kiss... Hoo,
hoo... and make up.

Lay one on me, baby.

That's for leavin' me in
prison, you miserable...

wart on the ass of an ass.

You, on the other hand, need to
tell me where you've been all my life.

Just... tryin' to keep your
ex-husband out of trouble.

If there's one thing he
doesn't need help with, it's that.

The name's Luscious, but
don't take my word for it.

Why don't you stop by my
boudoir later, and I'll prove it to you?

Twice.

Hmm.

So, uh, that's how you
two kiss and make up, huh?

Sorry I couldn't talk
to you in there, but, uh,

I never miss one
of Luscious's shows.

Well, she does
pack quite a punch.

Uh, I'm tickled to death that you
came down here to help finish the bank,

but was it my imagination,

or was that the King of Thieves
I saw you come into town with?

You see, he's
a... He's a friend.

A-And he gave me his word
he wouldn't cause any trouble.

Well, if his word's good enough for
Hercules, it's good enough for me.

Now, there's the bank,
and I'll see you at midday.

All right, Sheriff.

Oh! Sorry.

This thing gets away
from me sometimes.

Yeah, well. No harm done.
I couldn't help overhearing.

You're Hercules, aren't you?

Eh, something tells me I
should say no. I knew it!

This is definitely a sign!

I got my palm read this morning,
and the fortune teller told me...

I was in store for a career
change! Well, congratulations,

and best of luck finding a
new job. Well, I won't need it!

The job found me!
I'm your new sidekick!

No, I don't think so.

Oh, come on! You need
a new number two guy.

I've got number two written all over
me. A-As tempting as that sounds,

the position's already
filled. Oh, don't worry.

I wouldn't expect you to hire me
without first seeing what I can do.

Uh-huh. Did I mention it doesn't
pay very well? I don't need any money!

By the end of the day, I'm gonna prove
I've got what it takes to be your sidekick.

Okay.

Oh, come on, guys. Let's
do it again, until we get it right.

And walk, two...
Left! Left, left, left!

My left or your left?
My left. Always my left.

All right.

Kuff. Linc. Shoo!

Nice hoof-work, butts.
My left, her left! Whatever.

If you've come back for more
abuse, I would be happy to oblige.

Now you're starting to
sound like an ex-wife.

I don't mean to be rude,
but why don't you go die?

Uh, one day, perhaps.

But for now, I
just want to say...

I'm sorry. And what do you have to
be sorry for? We had a deal, right?

If one of us got caught, we
agreed to keep our mouth shut.

Yes, but as your husband, I
had a bigger promise to keep.

I let you down, kitten.

Ancient history. Now if you'll
excuse me, I have to go fix my face.

If I don't knock 'em dead out there, the
management's threatening to replace me...

with a nude mime.

Show business. What a killer.

Say, cookie-puss.
Here's a thrill.

Why don't you buy the
club out from under 'em?

That way they can
never tell ya it's curtains,

because the stage
will all be yours.

With what money? I'm still
waiting on your alimony payments.

Oh... them.

Yes, those. Uh...

I swear the check's
in the mail. Mm.

But in the meantime,
until they get here,

give me one more chance
to make it up to ya! Hmph!

I'll even work if I have to.

Aw, come on, Luscious.
I'm on my knees beggin' ya.

I'd forgotten what a
hopeless romantic you can be.

You didn't use to call me
"Otto Erotic" for nothin'.

Ohh!

Ooh!

And with that, I now declare...

the First National Bank of
Greece open for business!

Ahh! Well, you still have
your jaw. That's a good sign.

No. More than
that, it's a miracle!

She bought my entire spiel!

I mean, she accepted my apology.

Really? I guess some
people never learn.

Au contraire, longhair.

Today I learned a lesson
I'd forgotten a long time ago.

True love never dies.

It just... hibernates,

laying dormant like a... like
a cold sore waiting to fester.

A romantic.

'Scuse me, but aren't
you a friend of Hercules?

Young man, I'll have you know that
my fame is almost as widespread as his.

Really? What have you done? Ever
seen the statue of the Venus de Milo?

The one with no arms? Mm-hmm.

You did that? No, but I stole the
arms, and that's what made it a classic.

I guess you could say I
work in negative space.

Wow! Then you're
a real pro! You bet.

I need your advice. See, I
want to impress Hercules.

But I just don't know
how to go about doing it.

Well, young man, you've
come to the right place.

With Hercules, first thing you gotta
do is tell him that he looks old and fat.

He loves that. Yeah, it's
a little inside joke. Really!

And you want to be on the
inside, don't you? Oh, sure.

Yeah, who wouldn't? Next thing I'd
do is, I'd call him by his stage name.

"Captain Froufrou." Stage name?

Mm-hmm. It's a little ditty he picked up
during his brief stint in show business.

See, he used to ride the manatees at
the Athens Aquarium Ski Spectacular.

Wow! What a guy! Oh, you bet.

Oh, kid. One final tip.

There's nothing Hercules appreciates more
than someone who can get the drop on him.

So if you can manage somehow to
put a boot print in his ass, you're golden!

Thanks a lot, mister.

Oh, kid. Kick him really hard.

Ain't I a stinker!

Sheriff, what happened?

Somebody made a withdrawal
without having an account.

The bank's been robbed! And
your friend is the main suspect.

Autolycus.

The bank gets robbed the day
the King of Thieves shows up.

And, we find his grappling
hook at the scene of the crime.

Now, technically, we call
that an open-and-shut case.

Autolycus may not be a saint,
but he has never broken his word.

I respect your
loyalty to your friend,

but I got a town
to take care of,

which leaves me no choice.

I gotta send a posse
after him. I understand.

And if I have to bring
him in myself, I will, but...

there's something I have to do
first. You do what you gotta do.

"Entrez-nous"!

Oh, hi. Did I come
at a bad time?

When you're with me, sugar,
it's never a bad time to come.

Take a load out. I mean "off."

Um, have-have
you seen Autolycus?

Not since last night.

Well, I thought you should know there's
a... there's a warrant out for his arrest.

Oh, no! Old Nimble Fingers
left his hook behind, did he?

- How'd you know
it was his hook?
- Lucky guess.

Besides, he's always
leavin' something behind.

You don't seem too
broken up about it.

I stopped letting Autolycus disappoint
me a long time ago, Hercules.

Maybe you should
try doing the same.

I thought you'd forgiven him.

What's the point in
holding a grudge?

These hands have more...
valuable things to hold. Yeah.

Sure you can't stay a while?

Um... No.

But, you know, thanks. I've...

I've got a thief to catch.

- Mm.
- And, uh, I, uh...

I have to find Autolycus too...

Bye. - Bye-bye.

His loss.

Hello!

Oh, yeah. That hurt.

- You all right?
- Yep.

Everything looks
A-okay from here.

You, uh, need any
help getting up?

Nah. I think I'll
just stay here.

- Keep an eye on things.
- You haven't by any chance
seen my friend, have you?

That guy Autolycus? Yeah.

- Man, it's a small world!
- So you've seen him?

- How did you know that?
- Klunter, focus.

Saw him a little while ago.

- On the other side of town.
- Thanks.

Oh, by the way, you're
looking old and fat,

Captain Froufrou.

I don't wanna know.

Barkeep, give me a glass
of your finest cheap stuff.

And don't be stingy.
This is a celebration.

What's the occasion? New
beginnings, my good man.

Until my old lady let me off the
hook for what a heel I'd been,

I had no idea how guilty
I'd felt all these years. Hmph!

To ex-wives everywhere.

May they forgive
us all! Hear, hear!

Has anyone seen this man?

- Talk about toast.
- You're under arrest for
the robbery of the town bank.

Well, I guess the
drinks are on me!

Grab him!

- After him!
- Come on! Whoa-ho-ho!

Let's split up! He
went thataway!

He's gotta be over here!

You look down that way!

Now I know why those guys yodel.

Well, this is no time to stand here
with my schnitzel flapping in the breeze.

♪ Yodelay-ee-who ♪
Stop!

- Thief!
- Huh? Thief?

Oh, lederhosen,
don't fail me now!

Whoa-ho-ho!

You're not so tough
now, are ya? Come on!

- Hey, come on! We can lift this!
- Whoa-ho-ho!

Whoop! Hey! Hoo-hoo!

Oh, gee! Ha!

- Oh, fig...
- You looking for this?

Oh, Hercules. Thank the gods.

Care to fill me in on the joke?
Sorry, Autolycus, but I'm not laughing.

I have to bring you in,
for your own good. Well.

All right. A man's gotta
do what a man's gotta do.

Duck, it's Hera!

Would you believe Zeus?

A flying Hydra with the runs?

There he is! Grab him!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

There'll be no
lynching here today.

But he stole our money!
That's for a jury to decide.

I'm afraid the verdict
is already in, Hercules.

I'm guilty.

You gave me your word
you wouldn't rob the bank.

I don't know who's dumber,
Hercules... me for getting caught,

or you for taking
the word of a thief.

I know what you're doing.
And it's not going to work.

If you mean rotting here in the
hoosegow, it seems to be working just fine.

You're protecting her.
Luscious robbed the

bank, and now you're
taking the fall for her.

Take a look at my business
card, Hercules. What does it say?

"For a good time..." Wrong one.

There. See? It says the "King of
Thieves." What does that tell ya?

It tells me, you're too good at
what you do to make me believe...

that you accidentally left
your grappling hook behind.

Oh, yeah? Maybe I
did it on purpose, huh?

Subconsciously. To keep myself
from being a bad influence on the kids!

See, Hercules? You
finally rubbed off on me.

Well, old friend. Good-bye.

Why don't we just make
that, "See you later"?

Paying your last
respects, are you?

Last respects?

Yeah. Your friend.

Since when has robbery
become punishable by death?

Since he robbed this
town of everything it's got.

Without money,
we can't grow crops.

Without crops, we can't eat. What if I
were to get your money back for you?

It wouldn't change what happened, but your
people would be back on their feet again.

All right, Hercules.

You find that money by sundown,
and I'll consider your proposition.

Good. You don't,

and that friend of yours
will never need another hat.

Klunter?

Wow. You're good.

I try. What do you think?
"Master of disguise."

Can your sidekick do this?

Not that I've ever noticed, no.

Man! He must be better
than I thought. Here!

Try my milk.

You know, why don't I not?

Besides, I-I should be going. I
don't want to interrupt your date.

- My date?
- That is one horny bull.

♪♪

♪♪

Hope you didn't
come to talk again.

I just can't stand
all this teasing.

Actually, I came
to say good-bye.

- Good-bye?
- Yeah.

Autolycus is gonna be
executed at sundown, and I...

can't stick around
to watch that happen.

Executed? I-I thought he
was just going to the slammer.

Yeah, well, so did I. Until
the sheriff told me otherwise.

You know, what's really sad is

that Autolycus didn't
even get all the money.

What do you mean? Well,
you see, there's this false wall.

At the back of the
vault. And behind it...

is where they hide all the real
valuables. The real valuables?

Oh, you know.
The priceless kind.

Rubies, family
heirlooms... Diamonds?

Yeah, I think so. Anyway, I
guess it's true, what they say:

a life of crime
just doesn't pay.

Yeah, well. It was
nice meeting you.

Toodles. Diamonds!

Hello, again. Will you
let me have a look?

"Doctor, is it... ""What
seems to be the trouble?"

Hmm.

"You sound a little congested."

"We'll clear that cash
right out of there."

"Don't worry about a
thing. You're safe with me!"

You are so busted.

You're not the first to notice.

What? Coming!

Well, that's my ride.
Catch you on the flip-flop!

No, the only place
you're going is jail.

Thanks, but I've already been
there. For a crime I didn't commit.

So the way I see it,
I've got a freebie coming.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is
the second time you've been here.

True. But I didn't
steal anything this time.

So why don't you just make it easy on
yourself, and forget you ever saw me?

- It's never easy.
- I know kung fu...

karate, and three or
four other Eastern words.

- You don't wanna mess with me.
- We all have to do
things we don't wanna do.

- That's not bad.
- "L" for Luscious.

You know what?
You're pretty good.

Three years with the Flying
Piazzu Brothers Circus.

No kidding! You know, I
caught your show in Corinth.

Hey, was that
Lizard Lady for real?

- Iguana with a wig.
- Thought so.

- Hmm?
- Go ahead.

Do it. I'd do it to you.

No, you wouldn't. You're basically
a good person, just like Autolycus.

Which is why you won't be able
to live with yourself if he dies today.

Maybe. But I'm doubly sure I won't be able
to live with myself if I die in his place.

You won't have to. The sheriff's
agreed to drop the charges...

if the money is
returned by sundown.

You'd do that for me?

You'd let me return the
money without turning me in?

Like you said,
you did your time.

Return the money, and
there's no harm done.

Besides, you were
married to Autolycus.

And that was punishment enough.

That's all she wrote,
Mr. King of Thieves.

What's the rush,
Dudley Do-Right?

I haven't even
touched my dessert!

You'll get your dessert,
all right. Your just dessert.

Nothin' like a
funny executioner.

There's the thief!

Ah, my adoring fans
have come to rescue me.

I'll take fries with that. He
won't get away with this!

Well, that's "noose" to me.

The loot's right through here.

Uh-oh.

Let's just forget about
Autolycus and live in the now.

Shall we?

You don't want to
do this, Luscious.

All right. Enough of
the gentleman routine.

You can't just walk
around looking like... you...

and play hard to get.

It's false advertising. Like
I said, you don't wanna...

Do this. Say it again.

I dare ya.

You don't wanna
do this. And why not?

Well, because you're just
trying to get back at Autolycus.

What are you talking about?

I already said I'd
help him, didn't I?

Well, that's why you're
doing this now, isn't it?

Knowing I'm his friend, to find
some other way to punish him, huh?

Rats!

Oh, boy!

I know how mad you
are. I mean, I would be too!

But... he's willing to die
to show you he's sorry.

I-I think it's time to
forgive him. Huh?

At least tell me it was
hard to say no to me.

Believe me, I've... done
things that were a lot easier.

So. You coming?

I mean... let's go.

Stretch his neck!

- Where is my money?
- Stretch his pretty
little neck!

Back! Give us some room.
Please. Come on! Out of the way!

Unhand me, you swine!

If I'm to face death,
I'll do so bravely.

Do you have any last words?

Why, yes, my good
man. Thanks for asking.

I just happen to
have a few last words.

- No, no. We've heard enough.
- And, in no particular order,
they are:

Aardvark. Abode. Abnormal.

Abominable. Absolute! Abyssinia.

Now, you're sure this is
everything? Don't you trust me?

Oh, all right!

Rats!

- Happy now?
- Yes. Thank you.

Hey! That's our heist money.

Let me guess. You, uh,
stole it fair and square.

That's right! And
Luscious is stealin' it back.

She switched teams.
Saddle up, boys!

Where did all these
guys come from?

Did I forget to mention that I have a
gang that might not take too kindly...

to what we're doing?

It's always something.

All right. I don't want any
trouble. Here's your money.

All right. Showtime.

Uh, Nimrod! Nincompoop!

Nemesis. Necrophilia.
When's the show gonna start?

I'm gettin' too old for this.

Did you see that?

Yeah, it was a nice job. Duck!

Now can I be your sidekick?

No!

Pardon me.

Well, that about
does it! See ya later!

"I'll see ya later!" Oh, you're
funny, you know that? Very funny!

Oh, yeah. We're a team.

Z-Zymoscope. Zymosis?

Zymurgy. And of course,
who could forget, "Zyzzyva."

Well, I guess that's it.

Um, Sheriff. Yeah. Oh!

Get on with it! Get on with it!

Uh, do you have
any last... requests?

No, no, people.

Come on, now. There are rules.

You know what I'd really like?

A nice, ripe peach!

But... peaches are
out of season. I'll wait.

Oh, no... Come on!

You been stalling long enough.

Yes, he has.

Time to tell everyone
the truth, Autolycus.

Oh, my hero!

- You can untie him now, Sheriff.
- I can, but I won't.

I see you, but I
don't see the money.

That's because it's in the
bank, where it's supposed to be.

You see, this was all a
test. Wasn't it, Autolycus?

Uh, yeah. Test.

- Yes, of course!
- What better way to make sure
that your bank...

is as secure as it can be, than to have
it tested by the King of Thieves himself?

We've identified all the
possible weaknesses,

and you can rest assured that
your money is perfectly... safe.

Let him go.

No "noose" is good
"noose." What a fickle crowd!

But in this case,
I'm all for it.

Let them eat cake!

Yeah. Have you ever heard this thing,
"Never look a gift horse in the mouth"?

Sure, and "Don't stand
to close to his ass," either.

Get this buckle.

After all this time wanting to get
back at you, now I owe you an apology.

Oh, let's just call
it even, kitten.

You look beautiful.

I was thinking...

- What I meant to say...
- I just meant...

You first. No. You.

Well, I've been walking
around for a long time now.

And the last memory I
have of you is one that...

I regret.

And, uh, I'd like the
chance to change that.

What'd you have in mind?
Let me buy you dinner?

Oh, yeah? Sure
you wanna do that?

I've got very expensive tastes.

A woman after my own heart.

Bring out Luscious!

- Luscious?
- The stage beckons!

When you kissed me
before, in your dressing room,

did you mean that,
or was that just...

part of your act?

Guess you'll just have to
stick around and find out.

And now, the woman
you've all been waiting for:

the wind beneath your wings,
the zippity in your doo-dah...

Luscious Deluxe!

♪♪

♪ I'm back in business
You know what I mean ♪

♪ Got all my assets
Where they need to be ♪

♪ And if you see me coming
Just don't stop and stare ♪

♪ Let's find out what
the market will bear ♪

♪ Goin' to give
it All I've got ♪

♪ As you can
see I've got a lot ♪

♪ I'm a high-risk venture
With a low, low fee ♪

Ah, the mystery that is woman.

Brother, you said a mouthful.

Just wish I could have
helped her buy this place.

Ah, don't worry. I helped
her get a loan at the bank.

Soon as the paperwork goes
through, this place will be hers.

Wait. Let me get this right.

The bank gives you money? Sure!

With a viable cosigner
and a clean credit rating,

you'll get a fixed-term loan
amortized over 30 seasons...

Which is really preferable to an
A.R.M., because it protects you...

from fluctuating interest
rates. What are the rates now?

Eight and a half percent. Eight
and a half? That's highway robbery!

Say! I gotta get
into this bank racket.

Autolycus, I think you
may have found your calling.

♪ No more just
around the corner ♪

♪ No more right
around the bend ♪

♪ You know I'm
back in business ♪

♪ Again ♪

♪ I'm back in business again ♪♪

♪♪

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