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1
00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:02,359
It's coming down!
2
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,939
Hurry!
3
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,842
Sorry to crash the party
4
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,542
but Cassandra's coming with me.
5
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:23,623
Party's over.
6
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,024
Quickly! Quickly!
7
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,264
Hercules!
8
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,664
Hurry!
9
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,473
No, no!
10
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,114
Oh, no, I'm blind!
11
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:57,586
I swear from now on I'll
sing in the shower instead.
12
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,552
I'll...
13
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,296
Who is this, and why
are you calling me at...
14
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,500
6:02 a.m.?
15
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,975
Rob! Rob, it's me, Eric.
16
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:19,974
Oh, thank goodness
you're not dead.
17
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,247
What was your first clue?
18
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,959
Well, we heard you had
an earthquake last night.
19
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,578
It was all over the news
here. Didn't you feel it?
20
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,650
Eric, I'm a producer.
I don't feel anything.
21
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,082
Glad to hear it, 'cause Rob,
22
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,057
apart from the fact
that it's still raining,
23
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,854
I got some bad news.
24
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,189
What?
25
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,378
It better be good.
26
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,476
Oh, Rob, I was just
thinking about you.
27
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,354
No, my weekends
wouldn't be complete
28
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,652
without a little
taste of Tapert.
29
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:07,318
What?
30
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,340
Get me down from here!
31
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,077
Where'd he go?
32
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,619
Shut up!
33
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:34,484
Howdy.
34
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,224
Hey, boy.
35
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:51,703
You can't use
traps in paintball.
36
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,900
Paintball ain't just
a game, soldier.
37
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,700
It's a metaphor for life.
38
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,245
It's survival of the fittest.
Search and destroy.
39
00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,939
Kill or be killed.
40
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,777
These are a few of
my favorite things.
41
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,256
Able Baker Charlie Niner Niner.
42
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,847
Identify yourself, come on.
43
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:14,156
Liz. You on a secure line?
44
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:16,662
Uh-huh.
45
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,829
I'll be right there.
46
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,040
Snake eyes. Better
luck next time.
47
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,374
Mr. Bond, your
baccarat table is ready.
48
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,822
Mr. Bond, your
baccarat table is ready.
49
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,714
Where's Lady Luck
when I need her?
50
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,541
Mr. De Niro?
51
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,712
Call for you, Mr. Coyle.
52
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,345
Oh, there you are.
53
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,915
Say, I've forgotten my phone
number. Can I use yours?
54
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,756
Drop dead, you geek!
55
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:54,000
Vinny, I told you please
don't call me here.
56
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,545
I'll have the money
for you by next week.
57
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,333
I'm sorry. I just
can't get it together.
58
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:01,466
Oh, Liz, hi. How are ya?
59
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,208
The office? Now?
60
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,903
Wait a minute. I've
got a better idea.
61
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,707
Why don't you come
over to my place?
62
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,808
I got a new water bed.
We could play submarine.
63
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,046
Hello?
64
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,163
For the last time, Jerry,
nobody's bugging the office.
65
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:27,793
That is exactly what
they want you to think.
66
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:32,029
You know who loses with
these weekend meetings, people?
67
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,105
Me.
68
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:34,753
But you called the meeting, Rob.
69
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:38,370
Don't change the subject.
All right, let's get started.
70
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,745
Wait a second. Who's missing?
71
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,579
Melissa.
72
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,449
Is this thing working? Hello?
73
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:50,923
Rob, how nice to hear from
you. Coffee? Tea? Prozac?
74
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,922
Where the hell are Alex
and Bob? I'll find out.
75
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,474
You know that's what I love
about you, you're always...
76
00:04:58,498 --> 00:04:59,659
Behav...
77
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:13,212
Hello. MELISSA:
Rise and shine, losers.
78
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,476
Oh, Melissa, hello.
79
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:17,775
Everyone's waiting for
you in the conference room.
80
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,182
What... They need our help?
81
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,551
Okay, okay. We'll
be right there.
82
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,153
Bob, wake up! Wake up!
83
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,327
Now's the time
to show our stuff.
84
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,075
Hi, everybody.
85
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:46,706
Bob says hi, too.
86
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,310
When are you two losers
gonna get your own apartment?
87
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,649
Hey, this is our first
job in Hollywood.
88
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,316
We want you all to know we're
here for you 24 hours a day.
89
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,585
Is that a good thing?
90
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,457
Well, you know, I was
just telling Bob that...
91
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,789
Cut it out. All right,
shut up, the both of you,
92
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,923
and sit down.
93
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,475
Now, I have a fishing
trip planned today.
94
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,778
And the sooner we get this
over with, the sooner I can leave.
95
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,967
Now then, we got a problem,
people, and it's not pretty.
96
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,470
Our bread and
butter, the big cheese,
97
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,577
the top banana has vamoosed.
98
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,777
Oh, for cryin' out loud, people,
99
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,412
Kevin Sorbo has disappeared.
100
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,792
This is the story
of a time long ago,
101
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,197
a time of myth and legend,
102
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,066
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel
103
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,935
and they plagued
mankind with suffering.
104
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,306
Only one man dared
to challenge their power.
105
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:50,739
Hercules.
106
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:55,015
Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,
107
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,574
a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.
108
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,612
He journeyed the earth, battling the
minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
109
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,488
the all-powerful
queen of the gods.
110
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,784
But wherever there was evil,
111
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,955
wherever an
innocent would suffer,
112
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,966
there would be Hercules.
113
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,336
What do you mean Kevin
Sorbo's gone missing?
114
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,386
No star, no show. No
show, no paycheck.
115
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,829
No paycheck, no
kneecaps. I got debts!
116
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,043
Well, he was supposed to arrive
in New Zealand this morning,
117
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,067
but he didn't show.
118
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,798
I propose we send
a recon team, Tapert.
119
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,269
Back in Korea we had a saying,
120
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:56,807
"You never leave a man behind."
121
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,768
When were you in Korea?
122
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,814
I was there for the
Olympics, missy!
123
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,315
It was hell.
124
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,113
Melissa, it's Rob.
125
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,052
I told you not to call me here.
126
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,783
Send Davey in
here on the double.
127
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,989
You wanted me, boss?
128
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,763
Davey, I'm gonna give you one last
chance to prove you're not a moron.
129
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,302
Gee, thanks. ROB: I don't care
130
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,249
if you have to go around
the world, young fella,
131
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,172
I want you to find Sorbo and
find him quick, you understand?
132
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:30,400
Melissa, book him on the Concorde,
but make sure he flies coach.
133
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,607
Davey, don't screw this up.
134
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,046
Count on me, boss.
135
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,448
I won't let you down.
136
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,415
He's a dope fiend. I know it.
137
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,654
And what if he doesn't find him?
138
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,535
Then I'm gonna be hobbling all
the way to the unemployment office.
139
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,187
Not necessarily.
140
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,189
When the going gets tough,
141
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,394
the tough get goin'.
142
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,272
Now, a good soldier always
carries an extra pair of socks,
143
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,240
a can opener, a cap of cyanide.
144
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,209
But a great
soldier... That's right.
145
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:08,806
A great soldier never gives
in, no matter what the odds.
146
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,983
Is he insane, or am I crazy?
147
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,086
Which question would
you like me to answer first?
148
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,954
I suggest we base this story
around another character.
149
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,585
Like who?
150
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:23,161
Like Ares, God of War.
151
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,131
Why, I remember the
time Ares framed Hercules
152
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,296
for murdering his wife.
153
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,646
The plan was so simple.
154
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:41,374
It verged on genius.
155
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,276
There he goes!
156
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,446
I got to hand it to you, Strife.
157
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:52,284
This has worked out better
than I could ever have imagined.
158
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:53,988
It's been fun.
159
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:57,293
And when all else fails,
160
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,299
the God of War is one
lean, mean, fightin' machine.
161
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,591
Jerry, great idea.
162
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:34,893
All right, everybody. Get
to work. I'm going fishing.
163
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,702
Hey, you are not actually going to
listen to that psychopath, are you?
164
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,239
No offense. None taken.
165
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,235
All right, Liz, spit it
out. The fish are jumpin'.
166
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:48,440
Well, why not do a show about
a woman we can all look up to?
167
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,781
You know, a woman of the '90s. A woman
who takes matters into her own hands.
168
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,582
Oh, wake up, Liz. We can't
afford Margaret Thatcher.
169
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,847
No, I'm talking about
170
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,821
Callisto.
171
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,721
When it comes to
making Hercules suffer,
172
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:07,790
well, Ares isn't even a
close second to Callisto.
173
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,732
And remember that time
she poisoned Herc's family?
174
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,501
Surprise.
175
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:18,975
You've never witnessed the effects
of Xanthalian venom before, have you?
176
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,180
It affects the mind.
177
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,408
What do you want?
178
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,747
Safe passage through
the Labyrinths of the Gods
179
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,342
to the Tree of Life.
180
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:32,583
One bite of the fruit
cures any illness...
181
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,890
And a whole one
makes you immortal.
182
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,896
And when it comes
to trading blows,
183
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,693
Callisto does it with a smile.
184
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,638
You're gonna die
on your birthday.
185
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,106
How convenient.
186
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:01,377
No!
187
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:05,315
Blow it out and make a wish.
188
00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,627
Hey, great idea, Liz.
189
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,967
All right, get to work
everybody. I'm going fishin'.
190
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,055
Oh, hey, wait.
191
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,894
Uh, excuse me.
192
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,266
What? What? Um...
193
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,598
Aren't Ares and
Callisto both bad guys?
194
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,366
Brilliant. So?
195
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:27,876
Okay, well, um, don't they
need a good guy to fight with?
196
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,849
I mean, without Hercules,
they won't have anything to do.
197
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,596
Dumb blonde! Hey!
198
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:49,063
You know, I hate to admit
it, but they got a point.
199
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:55,898
You know, I am really getting tired
of people telling me what I can't do.
200
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,368
Can someone please
tell me what I can do?
201
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,572
What now?
202
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,276
Uh, Bob has to
go to the bathroom.
203
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:07,584
Oh, all right, all
right. Take a break.
204
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,981
And we have confirmed
there are, in fact,
205
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:13,322
six people trapped inside
the apartment building.
206
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,028
Rescue teams are on the scene...
207
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:22,202
Hey, Melissa, there's something
I've always wanted to ask you.
208
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,994
Do you sleep on your stomach?
209
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,570
No. Can I?
210
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,533
Paul, I'm wasting my
life in a dead-end job,
211
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,670
while I watch the rest
of the world pass me by.
212
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,945
Now why would I want to make
things worse by dating you?
213
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,279
I Know you don't
mean that, baby.
214
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,819
Hey, why don't you let
me take you to Vegas?
215
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,955
I can teach you
how to play roulette.
216
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,391
Make it Russian roulette,
you got yourself a deal.
217
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,119
Paul.
218
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,088
Get the hell away from Melissa.
219
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,930
Your shake. Enjoy.
220
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,095
Ah, no thanks, you can
have it. I changed my mind.
221
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,547
Look, get Eric on
the phone, will ya?
222
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,369
And fix me something I can chew.
223
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,138
And now with my new
army of lava people,
224
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:08,810
Hercules will never...
Screw with us again.
225
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,816
Cut! Cut! Come on!
226
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,249
Cut it, everybody!
227
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,810
Listen. I know this ain't
Shakespeare, Patrick,
228
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,253
but "screw with us?"
229
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:19,349
Come on. Gimme a break,
will ya? Now who's on the script?
230
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,641
I'll take mine well
done, Melissa.
231
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,066
It's sushi, Rob. You eat it raw.
232
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,327
Hello.
233
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:31,436
Ah, Eric.
234
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,563
Any word on Kevin?
235
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:33,833
No, no, nothing yet.
236
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,017
Why are you whispering?
237
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,203
Well, I told the crew
Kevin's running a little late.
238
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,476
If they find out he's missing,
239
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,002
I could have a
panic on my hands.
240
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,980
These people have
families to support.
241
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,949
Families, schmamilies.
Come on, Eric.
242
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:45,985
Aren't we all one
big family, anyway?
243
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,745
Well, look, just stall
them as long as you can.
244
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,483
Gesundheit.
245
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,494
You're welcome.
246
00:14:56,562 --> 00:15:00,021
Now, Eric, buddy, I don't
want you to worry about a thing.
247
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,568
I got the greatest staff in the
world working on this problem
248
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,001
even as we speak.
249
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,269
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
250
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,427
Renaissance Pictures.
251
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,195
Oh! Oh, that's wonderful news!
252
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:16,070
You tell him we're looking
forward to seeing him soon.
253
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,640
Yeah. Bye-bye.
254
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,405
Oh, my God!
255
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:26,877
The head of the studio's
on his way over here now!
256
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,690
The head of the
studio is coming!
257
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,766
FEMALE AUTOMATED
VOICE: Red alert! Red alert!
258
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:41,892
Gloves!
259
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,130
The head of the
studio is on his way.
260
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,227
Apron!
261
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,102
Estimated time
of arrival... Jacket!
262
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,699
One minute, 37
seconds. Rose petals!
263
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,203
Right. One minute, 36 seconds.
264
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,573
One minute, 35 seconds.
265
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,311
Polish! Dust! Vacuum!
266
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,012
Pictures erect!
267
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,384
Sparkle! Shine!
268
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,825
He's gonna fire us all. I'm a
dead man. I'm a dead man!
269
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,224
Bring him on, baby!
270
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,030
Shut up, the both of you!
271
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,034
Nobody's getting fired.
272
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,005
Now, the studio doesn't
know Kevin is missing,
273
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,007
and it is going
to stay that way.
274
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,886
Mr. Hollinsfoffer, it's always a
pleasure to have you here, sir.
275
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,837
Say, you're a pretty good
liar. Are you an executive?
276
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,386
Oh, no, I'm
Mr. Tapert's assistant.
277
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:44,907
Come see me in my
office Monday morning.
278
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,423
We need more people
like you in management.
279
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,869
Oh, B.S., how nice to see you
again. It hasn't been long enough.
280
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:55,033
What the hell is everybody doing
here on a Sunday anyway, huh?
281
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:57,067
Say, is it Sunday?
282
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,772
We were so busy,
we didn't even notice.
283
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,211
That's what I wanna hear!
284
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,772
Like I always say,
weekends are for communists.
285
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,650
Look what happened to them.
286
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,168
By the way, what's
with the rubber pants?
287
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,738
Oh, well, they're
the new rage, B.S.
288
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,607
All the kids are wearing
rubbers these days.
289
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,543
Isn't that right,
Liz? Yeah, yeah.
290
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,643
And if they're not,
well, they should be.
291
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,550
Make note to self, buy
12 pair of rubber pants.
292
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,881
Hmm. Thanks for the tip, Tap.
293
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,262
Anytime, B.S. Say
hello to the wives.
294
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:53,261
Why am I here?
295
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,097
Oh!
296
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:56,695
During the earthquake,
297
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,364
a chandelier fell down,
hit me on the head.
298
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:01,430
It was then that I had a vision.
299
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,339
A new direction for the show.
300
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,705
Hercules, The Musical!
301
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,439
Huh? Like La cage aux folles,
302
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,243
only better, bigger, brighter.
303
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,409
Goes something like this.
304
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,454
You start with your
basic damsel in distress.
305
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,183
Stop wasting your time.
306
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,904
You need a partner to enter the contest.
- Yeah, right.
307
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,690
No one's crazy enough
to dance with you.
308
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,457
But guess who comes along!
309
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:25,998
I'll be your partner.
310
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,644
Where'd he come from? B.S.: All
you need now is a dance teacher.
311
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,160
The kind of gal who can teach
him how to shake a tail feather.
312
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:34,036
Honey, if you try
313
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,837
I know you'll reach the sky
314
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:41,539
Just learn to spread
your wings And fly
315
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,132
When it's time for
them to strut their stuff,
316
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,057
they set the
dance floor on fire.
317
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:19,052
Get them off that
dance floor now!
318
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,618
Come on!
319
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:34,832
Brilliant.
320
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,960
Real showstopper, B.S.
321
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,198
You said it. Yeah,
they'll love it in Cleveland.
322
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:42,366
If they knew what they liked in
Cleveland, they wouldn't live there.
323
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,746
Yeah, what is it?
Rob, it's Davey.
324
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,542
I haven't been able to
find Kevin yet, but, uh...
325
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:53,183
Yeah, don't worry. I'm on to a new
lead on where he might be, you know.
326
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,915
Oh, Davey. How nice to hear
from you. Thanks for calling.
327
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,547
Enjoy the rest of your vacation.
328
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:58,921
Uh, uh, but, uh...
329
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,961
Say, what did he
mean, "Find Kevin?"
330
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:06,198
Oh, not "Find Kevin."
"Find... Heaven."
331
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,291
He's on a religious quest.
332
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:09,935
Isn't that right, Liz?
333
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,903
You betcha. Davey
hasn't been the same
334
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,167
since he saw George
Burns' face on a tortilla.
335
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:19,035
It's no use. He knows.
336
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,476
It's true! It's true!
337
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:24,039
Kevin Sorbo's gone missing.
Oh, please, don't fire me!
338
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,018
Please! I throw myself
on the mercy of the studio.
339
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,284
You lied to me.
340
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,119
I never said Kevin
wasn't missing.
341
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:40,230
You never said he was
missing. You're fired!
342
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,598
You can't fire me. I quit.
343
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:45,297
You can't quit. I fired you!
344
00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:48,500
Oh, come on, guys.
We're all friends here.
345
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:56,974
I'm blind. Mommy?
346
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:04,756
You, you, you, you, you,
347
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:07,389
and you are all fired!
348
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,658
Thanks, Paul.
349
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:11,625
Well, it was fun
while it lasted.
350
00:22:11,697 --> 00:22:13,723
Maybe Sinbad is hiring.
351
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:16,633
Nice poker face,
you sniveling coward.
352
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:22,103
Hey, wait a minute. That's
it, poker face. We bluff.
353
00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:23,865
What are you talking about?
354
00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:26,071
Well, our show
may not have a star,
355
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:28,512
but the audience
doesn't need to know that.
356
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,015
Earth to Paul.
357
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:33,644
Once they turn on their TV
set, they'll see. No Hercules.
358
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:36,621
Yeah, but what
if that is the story.
359
00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:39,657
You know? Like, maybe
Hercules is caught up
360
00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:43,093
in this, this big vortex.
361
00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:48,263
Remember that vortex
that led to a parallel world,
362
00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:50,125
where everything was backwards?
363
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:54,071
Ares, this is, uh,
a new look for you.
364
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:56,205
What did you expect?
365
00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,234
I am the God of Love.
366
00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:07,045
It wouldn't kill you
to let it all hang out.
367
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,816
Please, no. It's not ladylike.
368
00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:12,625
Aphrodite's shy. Wow.
369
00:23:12,791 --> 00:23:15,317
Now that is funny.
370
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,595
What is this? You
promised me an execution.
371
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:21,064
I did, didn't I?
372
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:28,169
And Hercules had to fight
his evil twin, The Sovereign.
373
00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:30,767
Run, Iolaus!
374
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,551
No!
375
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:47,751
Well, why can't we stick
Hercules in the vortex too?
376
00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:51,596
So, while Hercules is
trapped in the vortex,
377
00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:54,566
all the other characters have to
run around and help each other
378
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,395
to protect the world
from The Sovereign.
379
00:23:58,404 --> 00:23:59,929
You idiot!
380
00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:02,304
Kevin Sorbo played
The Sovereign.
381
00:24:08,247 --> 00:24:09,658
Where do you think you're going?
382
00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:12,379
Hey, Hollinsfoffer just
fired us, remember?
383
00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:16,451
Good point. I'm going fishing.
384
00:24:16,522 --> 00:24:17,933
Nice working with ya.
- Right. See ya.
385
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:20,256
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
386
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,352
Back! Back! Back!
Back! Back! Back!
387
00:24:22,428 --> 00:24:23,862
Nobody's going anywhere.
388
00:24:23,929 --> 00:24:25,557
Somebody has to handle this.
389
00:24:27,066 --> 00:24:29,058
- You're all rehired.
- Whoo-hoo!
390
00:24:29,501 --> 00:24:31,129
Now if you'll excuse me,
391
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:33,798
I have to call an emergency
meeting with the board of directors.
392
00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:37,274
And I expect this to be taken
care of by the time I get back.
393
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:38,869
Hat!
394
00:24:45,184 --> 00:24:46,846
I'm outta here!
395
00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:48,217
Eric is on the line.
396
00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:52,688
Yes, Eric, go ahead.
397
00:24:52,758 --> 00:24:55,489
Did Kevin show up yet? ROB: I
was gonna ask you the same thing.
398
00:24:55,561 --> 00:24:58,497
I think the crew's getting
suspicious. They know something's up.
399
00:24:58,564 --> 00:25:01,625
If they found out I lied
to them, I'm dead! Dead!
400
00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,168
Well, Eric, just
keep your pants on.
401
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:06,103
But for God's sake, don't
zip 'em up too fast. It's a killer.
402
00:25:06,238 --> 00:25:08,400
Somebody's gotta
lower that light.
403
00:25:08,474 --> 00:25:10,385
Oh, Rob, I've got a little
problem with one of the extras.
404
00:25:10,409 --> 00:25:12,708
Okay, everybody, that's lunch!
405
00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:14,337
Gotta go!
406
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:20,684
Well, fellas, I'm afraid we're
gonna have to face the ugly truth.
407
00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:24,350
It's time to find
a new Hercules.
408
00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:34,958
What's the matter,
somebody's puppy die?
409
00:25:38,003 --> 00:25:41,371
Ooh, tall, dark and handsome.
410
00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:43,368
I miss you, Jer.
411
00:25:43,742 --> 00:25:46,007
A hard man's good
to find these days.
412
00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:47,978
Well, I told you, Beth,
413
00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:49,709
relationships are for the weak.
414
00:25:49,782 --> 00:25:51,944
A week, a day.
I'll take an hour.
415
00:25:52,017 --> 00:25:53,815
Truth is, I only need
a couple of minutes.
416
00:25:54,286 --> 00:25:56,881
How is Captain Happy, hmm?
417
00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:58,748
Have mercy.
418
00:25:59,158 --> 00:26:00,990
Look. Can we just
get started already?
419
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,655
All right. But don't
get your hopes up.
420
00:26:03,762 --> 00:26:07,426
It's not easy to find qualified
applicants on such short notice.
421
00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:10,434
Everyone,
422
00:26:12,805 --> 00:26:14,603
this is Johnny Pinto.
423
00:26:15,007 --> 00:26:16,669
Say hi, cutie pie.
424
00:26:16,842 --> 00:26:18,640
Shh. Save it.
425
00:26:19,311 --> 00:26:22,338
Johnny here is my gardener.
He trims my hedges twice a week.
426
00:26:23,115 --> 00:26:25,107
You should see the
size of his Weedwacker.
427
00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:28,486
Okay, studly?
428
00:26:28,554 --> 00:26:31,422
Sure, but I just
got one question.
429
00:26:31,490 --> 00:26:33,721
What's my motivation?
430
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,728
Let me explain.
431
00:26:36,795 --> 00:26:40,095
Hercules has just met up
with his old flame, Nemesis.
432
00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:42,497
And she's got quite
a surprise for him.
433
00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:44,798
And you save his life.
434
00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:46,839
And this would be Evander.
435
00:26:46,905 --> 00:26:51,605
Yes, it would.
Evander, our baby.
436
00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:53,606
Shh!
437
00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:56,110
Our baby?
438
00:26:57,149 --> 00:26:58,617
But Nemesis has a secret,
439
00:26:58,684 --> 00:27:01,745
and she's too ashamed
to admit the truth.
440
00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:05,418
He's my son. You
don't wanna try me.
441
00:27:05,491 --> 00:27:07,051
But it doesn't
matter to Hercules,
442
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,152
who promises he'll
always look after Evander.
443
00:27:09,228 --> 00:27:12,562
I'll be back to see
you every chance I get.
444
00:27:13,899 --> 00:27:17,461
And before you know it, I'll
be teaching you how to wrestle.
445
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,269
And throw the discus.
446
00:27:24,676 --> 00:27:26,542
You don't know it now,
447
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:28,670
but one day
448
00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:31,473
you'll realize you're different.
449
00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:36,288
And you'll wanna
be like everyone else.
450
00:27:36,355 --> 00:27:40,258
But you never will
be. You're special.
451
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:42,757
You're very special.
452
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:47,265
I will always be there for you.
453
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,824
Always.
454
00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:52,361
Sock it to us, Pinto.
455
00:27:52,471 --> 00:27:54,099
And make it good.
456
00:27:55,741 --> 00:27:57,471
One moment, please.
457
00:28:07,819 --> 00:28:09,549
Mmm-mmm.
458
00:28:14,426 --> 00:28:18,830
Evander, I'll be back to
see you every chance I get.
459
00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:21,209
Before you know it, I'll be
teaching you how to wrestle.
460
00:28:21,233 --> 00:28:23,532
How to... How to
throw the discus, huh?
461
00:28:23,602 --> 00:28:27,095
It won't be an easy life to
live, but I'll be around to help.
462
00:28:27,172 --> 00:28:30,836
You know? I will be there.
463
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:35,981
Whoo, yes! Oh, yes!
464
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,248
Oh.
465
00:28:43,322 --> 00:28:44,688
Pretty good, huh?
466
00:28:46,325 --> 00:28:50,262
Evander, I'll be back to
see you every chance I get.
467
00:29:00,505 --> 00:29:04,374
Hey, Evander, I'll be back
to see you every chance I get
468
00:29:04,509 --> 00:29:07,274
Before you know it I'll be
teaching you how to wrestle
469
00:29:07,346 --> 00:29:08,905
And throw the discus
470
00:29:08,981 --> 00:29:11,780
Well, it won't be
an easy life to live
471
00:29:12,784 --> 00:29:17,085
Well, if we ever make a show called
Rejects, we'll know where to look.
472
00:29:17,823 --> 00:29:19,086
Beth, what are you doing to me?
473
00:29:19,157 --> 00:29:20,887
I've seen better actors
in a puppet show.
474
00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:22,670
Well, what do you expect?
You should have told me
475
00:29:22,694 --> 00:29:24,026
when you knew Sorbo was missing.
476
00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,463
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's not my fault, okay?
477
00:29:26,531 --> 00:29:29,626
It's these damn writers. I thought
they'd have something for me by now.
478
00:29:29,868 --> 00:29:33,498
Come on, say that again. Please.
479
00:29:37,576 --> 00:29:39,704
You want a piece
of me, tough guy?
480
00:29:44,850 --> 00:29:47,115
You'll have to go through Liz.
481
00:29:47,185 --> 00:29:48,949
Ten bucks on Liz, first round.
482
00:29:50,989 --> 00:29:52,355
Come on!
483
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:55,856
Would you guys quit
it? I mean, come on!
484
00:29:56,061 --> 00:29:58,223
Now, look. We're all
working on a hit show here.
485
00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:01,597
And no matter what happens,
nobody can take that away from us.
486
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,464
Except Kevin Sorbo.
487
00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:05,536
Yeah.
488
00:30:05,604 --> 00:30:09,439
We have Davey on line
one, and Eric on line two.
489
00:30:11,843 --> 00:30:13,243
Yeah.
490
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:16,612
Yeah, go ahead, Davey.
491
00:30:16,682 --> 00:30:18,878
Kevin Sorbo's not in Spain, man!
492
00:30:19,017 --> 00:30:20,747
Davey, just slow
down. Take a breath.
493
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:25,314
I can't slow down. My life
depends on it, you know?
494
00:30:25,691 --> 00:30:26,989
You see?
495
00:30:27,059 --> 00:30:29,790
Now that's the kind of commitment
I look for in my employees.
496
00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:32,073
Now, if you folks had been
working as hard as Davey here,
497
00:30:32,097 --> 00:30:33,725
I'd be fishing now.
498
00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:35,934
Davey, remind me
to give you a raise.
499
00:30:39,971 --> 00:30:41,030
Go ahead, Eric.
500
00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:43,200
Ah, the crew found out!
501
00:30:43,575 --> 00:30:45,908
Eric, calm down. I
can't understand you.
502
00:30:46,144 --> 00:30:47,544
I tried to pretend I was Kevin,
503
00:30:47,612 --> 00:30:49,581
but for some
reason it didn't work.
504
00:30:49,648 --> 00:30:52,618
Oh, the horror! Get off
me! I made you people!
505
00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:55,263
Hey, you tell those idiots down
there to behave, or they're all fired.
506
00:30:55,287 --> 00:30:58,155
No! Oh, tell my wife I love her!
507
00:30:58,256 --> 00:31:01,192
Tell my son what
a great man I was!
508
00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:09,733
We lost him.
509
00:31:10,168 --> 00:31:11,602
We're next.
510
00:31:12,070 --> 00:31:13,402
When the board finds out,
511
00:31:13,472 --> 00:31:16,601
they're gonna feed us to the
mechanical shark in the amusement park.
512
00:31:18,777 --> 00:31:23,147
Somebody's gotta
stop this insanity! Liz!
513
00:31:28,587 --> 00:31:29,816
Too ugly.
514
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:33,791
Too blonde. No. No.
515
00:31:34,192 --> 00:31:36,127
No. No.
516
00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:38,129
I brought smelling salts.
517
00:31:38,196 --> 00:31:40,563
No, thanks, Melissa.
I'm trying to cut down.
518
00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:46,705
Oh, hey, while you're here, take
an inch or two off the top, will ya?
519
00:31:46,772 --> 00:31:47,967
I'm getting a little shaggy.
520
00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:49,166
Oh, can I?
521
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:52,109
Well, that would be the
frosting on the cake of my day.
522
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:57,705
Oh, officer, they
said they were 18.
523
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:00,177
What happened?
524
00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:02,448
Aftershock. You slipped
and fell on my fist.
525
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,452
Oh.
526
00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:08,383
All right now, people,
we're back to square one.
527
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,760
How do we have a Hercules
episode without Hercules?
528
00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:17,935
Well, sir... What
about young Hercules?
529
00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:21,566
Go on.
530
00:32:22,908 --> 00:32:25,139
Well, he was a teenager
once, wasn't he?
531
00:32:25,210 --> 00:32:28,044
I mean, when did
he first meet Iolaus?
532
00:32:28,113 --> 00:32:31,049
And what was the
first monster he killed?
533
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:34,643
And how long has he
been wearing those pants?
534
00:32:35,554 --> 00:32:37,785
Hercules has always
been a do-gooder,
535
00:32:37,856 --> 00:32:40,883
but remember that
Iolaus was a thief.
536
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,537
Don't worry. I'll take
it. Mine! Mine! No.
537
00:32:42,561 --> 00:32:45,053
Maybe they weren't
always such good friends.
538
00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:47,190
After all, boys will be boys.
539
00:32:47,265 --> 00:32:50,167
And remember,
balance is the key.
540
00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:54,272
Ooh! Ooh!
541
00:32:54,339 --> 00:32:56,467
Looks like Hercules
is a little off-key.
542
00:33:01,179 --> 00:33:02,613
Balance...
543
00:33:03,582 --> 00:33:04,845
Is...
544
00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:07,880
Key!
545
00:33:08,019 --> 00:33:11,456
Maybe he was even a little
too cocky for his own good.
546
00:33:11,523 --> 00:33:13,754
Guess I beat Ares'
security system.
547
00:33:25,937 --> 00:33:27,872
That is a big snake.
548
00:33:41,553 --> 00:33:44,648
It would be just like
The Wonder Years,
549
00:33:44,756 --> 00:33:46,622
but with giant snakes.
550
00:33:47,292 --> 00:33:49,523
We're saved!
551
00:33:50,762 --> 00:33:52,560
Melissa, you're a genius!
552
00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:54,065
Uh, excuse me.
553
00:33:54,132 --> 00:33:55,794
I'd hate to be a
party pooper here,
554
00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:58,701
but we'd have to
recast the entire show,
555
00:33:58,770 --> 00:34:01,035
and we haven't even found
one decent actor today.
556
00:34:01,106 --> 00:34:03,234
Well, Skipper's got a point too.
557
00:34:03,341 --> 00:34:05,173
Oh, but it'll make
a great spin-off.
558
00:34:05,243 --> 00:34:07,303
Melissa, remind me to
give you next Sunday off.
559
00:34:08,747 --> 00:34:09,771
Coming through.
560
00:34:09,848 --> 00:34:12,443
The board of directors are
animals. They want blood.
561
00:34:12,517 --> 00:34:15,681
If we don't come up with something
by 5:00, the show is canceled.
562
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:16,915
What?
563
00:34:21,526 --> 00:34:22,653
Hmm.
564
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:29,462
Oops.
565
00:34:35,106 --> 00:34:37,666
What? Bernie, speak English.
566
00:34:38,176 --> 00:34:41,738
Are you telling me he'd rather
do a hemorrhoids commercial?
567
00:34:42,347 --> 00:34:44,839
Fine. Fine. Then
I'm sure he'll enjoy
568
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:47,283
sticking it where
the sun don't shine!
569
00:34:50,155 --> 00:34:51,555
Don Knotts won't do it.
570
00:34:52,057 --> 00:34:54,925
Well, keep at it, Beth. I don't
wanna see your face around here
571
00:34:54,993 --> 00:34:56,859
until you find me
a new Hercules.
572
00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:01,226
What are you gonna
do? It's almost 5:00.
573
00:35:03,468 --> 00:35:05,334
Actors.
574
00:35:06,037 --> 00:35:08,302
I wish we could do away
with them altogether.
575
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:12,069
Say, that gives me an idea.
576
00:35:15,580 --> 00:35:18,072
What if we turned the
show into a cartoon?
577
00:35:18,249 --> 00:35:20,878
Why, we could have a bunch
of toons doing all the things
578
00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:24,047
that made this show the
money-making machine that feeds us all.
579
00:35:24,189 --> 00:35:27,353
I never quit.
580
00:35:31,663 --> 00:35:33,598
Now drop him!
581
00:35:38,603 --> 00:35:41,539
Cartoons. It's perfect.
582
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,734
They're never late,
they don't complain,
583
00:35:43,808 --> 00:35:45,333
and they won't ask for raises.
584
00:35:45,744 --> 00:35:48,873
Hello! Am I the only one
in this room getting oxygen?
585
00:35:48,947 --> 00:35:52,406
You still need Kevin's
voice. No Kevin, no cartoon.
586
00:35:54,386 --> 00:35:56,912
Well, this is pointless.
587
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:03,186
We should surrender
while we still got our dignity.
588
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:05,388
We're ruined!
589
00:36:05,597 --> 00:36:07,589
I gotta get outta town! Quick!
590
00:36:08,033 --> 00:36:11,094
Whoa! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait! Whoa!
591
00:36:11,803 --> 00:36:16,036
Now, we have an idea.
592
00:36:21,346 --> 00:36:23,281
Go on, tell 'em.
593
00:36:24,549 --> 00:36:26,450
You're gonna love this.
594
00:36:26,551 --> 00:36:29,350
This is the story
of a time long ago,
595
00:36:29,421 --> 00:36:31,652
a time of myth and legend,
596
00:36:31,823 --> 00:36:34,452
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel
597
00:36:34,526 --> 00:36:37,291
and they plagued
mankind with suffering.
598
00:36:37,429 --> 00:36:40,831
Only one animal dared
to challenge their power.
599
00:36:41,066 --> 00:36:42,432
Chimpules.
600
00:36:47,105 --> 00:36:48,767
Pretty great, huh?
601
00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,274
Let me get this straight.
602
00:36:51,342 --> 00:36:52,605
Yeah.
603
00:36:52,677 --> 00:36:56,170
You guys sit there like
vegetables for six months,
604
00:36:56,514 --> 00:37:00,076
and the first idea you
come up with is Chimpules?
605
00:37:00,819 --> 00:37:03,721
Well, we were saving
it for the right time.
606
00:37:04,956 --> 00:37:06,891
How the did they get these jobs?
607
00:37:06,991 --> 00:37:08,789
Don't look at me,
Liz hired them.
608
00:37:08,860 --> 00:37:10,624
I used to babysit for
them in high school.
609
00:37:10,695 --> 00:37:12,960
I didn't realize they'd
turn out to be such idiots.
610
00:37:14,165 --> 00:37:16,430
Okay, okay, look.
611
00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:19,760
We didn't go to film
school for nothing.
612
00:37:20,038 --> 00:37:24,237
And we've been working
on this idea, day and night.
613
00:37:25,110 --> 00:37:27,079
And frankly, I think...
614
00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:30,976
No, I know you guys
are jealous of our talent.
615
00:37:31,816 --> 00:37:32,977
And you know what?
616
00:37:33,051 --> 00:37:34,542
It's not fair.
617
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,749
It is not fair! Not fair!
618
00:37:37,822 --> 00:37:39,085
Ow!
619
00:37:39,457 --> 00:37:40,755
I've had it with you!
620
00:37:40,825 --> 00:37:44,125
Die! Die!
621
00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:50,031
Ow, my eye! Get your
finger outta my eye!
622
00:37:50,702 --> 00:37:53,900
Excuse me. The board
of directors are on the line.
623
00:37:53,972 --> 00:37:55,964
They'd like an answer.
624
00:37:57,342 --> 00:37:58,935
Rob,
625
00:37:59,344 --> 00:38:01,609
I've been in this
business 20 years.
626
00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:04,913
And I think it's safe to say,
627
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:08,447
this is the worst staff in the
entire history of television.
628
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,888
I'm gonna gouge your eyes out!
629
00:38:17,595 --> 00:38:19,006
FEMALE AUTOMATED
VOICE: Smoke detector.
630
00:38:19,030 --> 00:38:21,499
Please evacuate the
building in an orderly fashion.
631
00:38:21,766 --> 00:38:23,359
This is not a drill.
632
00:38:23,434 --> 00:38:26,768
That's it. Little Jerry ain't
fiddlin' around no more.
633
00:38:31,609 --> 00:38:34,579
Oh. Melissa, get me a towel,
will ya? My hair is melting.
634
00:38:35,513 --> 00:38:39,348
Use my diploma, you dummy.
It's not doing me any good!
635
00:38:40,552 --> 00:38:44,546
Mr. Hollinsfoffer, I hope
this doesn't reflect negatively
636
00:38:44,622 --> 00:38:46,113
on my situation.
637
00:38:51,095 --> 00:38:52,859
No! JERRY: Like
that, huh? Do ya?
638
00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:53,990
Ooh!
639
00:38:54,866 --> 00:38:56,459
Yeah, I like it!
640
00:39:24,596 --> 00:39:25,689
Hi.
641
00:39:37,075 --> 00:39:39,874
Die! Die! Die!
642
00:39:39,944 --> 00:39:42,209
Goddamn!
643
00:39:45,817 --> 00:39:47,479
Is this a bad time?
644
00:40:08,940 --> 00:40:10,238
Oh!
645
00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:14,235
This is a great day, indeed.
646
00:40:14,312 --> 00:40:15,678
You said it, Uncle.
647
00:40:16,114 --> 00:40:19,551
Causing that earthquake
was a stroke of genius.
648
00:40:20,718 --> 00:40:24,177
I knew my brother couldn't put
his show above innocent lives.
649
00:40:24,389 --> 00:40:26,984
Mudslides, fires, earthquakes.
650
00:40:27,392 --> 00:40:29,384
I'll bet he's had
quite the busy day.
651
00:40:29,894 --> 00:40:32,363
Oh! Nice.
652
00:40:32,530 --> 00:40:33,862
And now...
653
00:40:35,066 --> 00:40:39,299
With these mortals about
to, uh, kill each other.
654
00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:42,798
The show's as good as canceled.
655
00:40:44,309 --> 00:40:48,804
Yes, pretty soon my
brother's Legendary Journeys
656
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,542
will be but a distant memory,
657
00:40:50,982 --> 00:40:53,213
and I'll be able to watch
Millennium in peace.
658
00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:54,976
I miss Cop Rock.
659
00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:58,012
Oh, I'll sing something for you.
660
00:40:58,323 --> 00:40:59,518
No.
661
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:02,427
I do not believe this!
662
00:41:03,294 --> 00:41:05,854
You can't have rescued
everyone in the city by now.
663
00:41:06,230 --> 00:41:08,859
It looks like you've underestimated
me again there, dear brother.
664
00:41:08,933 --> 00:41:11,061
But then, what else is new?
665
00:41:11,202 --> 00:41:12,864
You are pathetic.
666
00:41:13,137 --> 00:41:14,537
Pathetic.
667
00:41:14,605 --> 00:41:18,633
Pretending to be a mortal...
This Kevin Sorbo character?
668
00:41:18,977 --> 00:41:21,378
And you know what
Dad thinks about actors.
669
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,580
Wait, wait, wait. Since when did you
start caring about what Zeus thinks?
670
00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:30,087
Besides, the, uh, world
isn't ready for the truth.
671
00:41:30,755 --> 00:41:34,886
This is not over,
Hercules. We'll meet again.
672
00:41:34,959 --> 00:41:39,488
Hmm. Have your people
call my people. We'll do lunch.
673
00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:54,479
Kevin Sorbo.
674
00:41:54,545 --> 00:41:56,605
Kevin!
675
00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:58,274
Am I interrupting anything?
676
00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:00,341
Oh, we're saved!
677
00:42:00,651 --> 00:42:02,415
Thank God!
678
00:42:05,223 --> 00:42:07,089
We've been so worried.
679
00:42:07,158 --> 00:42:13,425
Kevin, I... You're... Oh, Kevin!
680
00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:15,227
Can you ever forgive us?
681
00:42:15,299 --> 00:42:17,791
We thought we could
do the show without you.
682
00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,394
Boy, were we wrong, huh?
683
00:42:19,470 --> 00:42:20,529
It's been a long day.
684
00:42:20,638 --> 00:42:23,767
It's true. There's
only one Hercules.
685
00:42:24,042 --> 00:42:25,203
You're telling me.
686
00:42:25,276 --> 00:42:27,711
Uh, by the way, Kevin...
687
00:42:28,079 --> 00:42:29,638
Where the hell were you all day?
688
00:42:29,714 --> 00:42:33,344
Oh, I, uh, I got
stuck in traffic. Hmm.
689
00:42:33,818 --> 00:42:36,845
Hey, after all, I'm only human.
690
00:42:42,693 --> 00:42:44,293
Kevin, we wanna
talk to you about...
691
00:42:53,471 --> 00:42:55,372
On the brighter side,
692
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:58,535
after one of the most destructive
earthquakes in recent memory,
693
00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:02,477
we're happy to report there
have been zero casualties.
694
00:43:02,847 --> 00:43:04,907
All thanks to a mystery man
695
00:43:04,982 --> 00:43:08,680
who performed miraculous
rescues throughout the Southland.
696
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,217
If you're watching,
whoever you are,
697
00:43:12,890 --> 00:43:15,450
the City of Angels owes
you a debt of gratitude.
698
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,493
Thank you and good night.
48675
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