All language subtitles for Hercules S04E12 Men in Pink.DVDRip.NonHI.en.UNVSL

Be sure you account for
every dinar, Salmoneus.

My brother intends
distributing them to the poor.

To the poor?

I mean, to the poor.

May they always benefit
from the King's generosity.

Yes, he always had a big heart.

Why, I remember
when we were little,

he gave my toys to
the servant's children.

What an...
Inspiration to us all.

Uh-huh. Um, I ought
to get back to work.

I promised King Pholus I'd be
done by the time he finished his nap.

Don't worry.

I'm sure you'll
have plenty of time.

Alone at last.

Just the million of us!

And though we can't
be together for long,

we'll always remember
the time we shared.

Who's there?

I warn you, I know Hercules!

If anything happens to me,
he's gonna be very upset.

Agh! Hey.

What's the big idea?

Please, I'm only the King's
accountant! Take the money!

Just leave my commission,
okay? I'll do anything!

You can start by
letting go of my leg.

Your leg? Of course.

Shoeshine, Your Mercifulness?
The name's Autolycus.

Perhaps you've heard of me?

Who?

Oh, the King of Thieves!

It's an honor to be
robbed by you, sir.

Think nothing of
it, my good man.

You say you know Hercules?

Me, Salmoneus, know Hercules?

We're the best of friends.

Like strawberries and cream,

apples and honey,
peaches and herb.

Funny, he never mentioned you.

Really?

Listen, since we've got
the big guy in common,

you're not gonna
hurt me, are you?

Well, that depends
on you, now doesn't it?

You can either stand here
and watch me take this money,

or I can club you over the
head, and I'll take it anyway.

What was the first part again?

King Pholus!

No!

Rosethorn...

- By the gods...
- They've killed the King!

Well, best of luck.

Easy-elay-oo-hoo!

Autolycus, wait!

After all we've been
through together!

You've got to take me with you!

Whoa, laddie. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ouch! Seal off the city!

I want them found! Right away.

Here. Get your fresh fruit here!

We've got apples,
oranges, lemons, pineapples!

Oh, and pomegranates,
prickly pears...

Can't find them anywhere.

Get your fresh fruit here.

Come on, sir. You sir.
Fresh fruit for you, sir?

Fruit in the morning.
Ah, you, miss...

What can I get for
you this fine day?

Do you have any kiwis?

Sorry, we don't carry them.

That was close.

Tastes delicious. You
going to eat yours?

Listen, melon
head, I work alone.

Especially when I'm
escaping certain death.

Hey, you're gonna
have to pay for that!

Guards!

There they are! Uh,
just put it on our tab.

Come back! Come back
here! Don't let 'em get away!

Whoa!

They're the ones!

Wrong way. No, no, no!

They must've gone down here!

Where are we? TWANKY:
Oh, no, no, no! Stop, stop, stop!

Would you stop
that! It's pathetic!

Honestly, I've seen more
creativity in a wet kipper!

Now, then, girls, women.

Dance is like a language.

You must use your
bodies to speak.

And what does the body say?

It says, "Ooooh! Ooooh!
I'm euphoric! Ooooh!

"Ooooh, ooooh. I'm melancholic."

But above all,

girls, you must use your bodies to
tell the world, in no uncertain terms,

"I am woman."

That gives me an idea.

This is no time to be
thinking about women.

On the contrary, my
soon-to-be beardless friend.

Now is the perfect time.

One and two and
three and four. Say...

What's your size? Huh?

This is the story
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel

and they plagued
mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power.

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen.

A strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the
minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,

wherever an
innocent would suffer,

there would be Hercules.

Ooh. Now, this is to die for.

Say, are you a spring or winter?

Winter. But that's not
the point. We're innocent!

Oh, sure, they'll believe that.

You were holding the knife,
and I'm the King of Thieves.

If we're lucky, they'll
only kill us once.

That's a good point. Now,

about that make
over... Uh, uh...

It is with a heavy heart that I take
my brother's place on the throne.

But royal duty compels me
to take control of his armies,

and his vast riches,

and his imported collection
of fine jams and cheeses.

Now, then,

I need not stress

the importance of bringing
these two assassins to justice.

We'll seal off the city and go door to
door, if needs be, but I want them found!

Look and down and look

and head, yes round,
round, round. Oh...

Oooh, lovely! Smile.

Smile! Good.

Oh. Now into the picture. Oh.

Oh, that's so lovely. That's
wonderful, girls! Much better.

Now, then, take a break.
Catch your breath. Uh.

Excuse us. Uh, hmm. Oh!

Well, I was going to
say, "May I help you?",

but it appears events
have passed us by.

Um, I'm Autolyca,

and this is my
partner, Salmonella.

Charmed.

What happened to your face?

I cut myself.

Waxing. Ha.

Anyhoo, we're a couple of nomadic
showgirls looking for a stage to grace.

Oh. Well, then.

Ladies...

I think you better show
me your particulars.

No. What dance
steps do you know?

Oh. Oh.

Uh. Oh.

Well, we know them all, the,
the Mambo... Uh. The Tango...

The Cha-chi. And the Joanie!

Oh. Well, I can see you both
have very sizeable resumes.

But unfortunately, all our
positions are filled at the moment.

Oh. I knew it!

We're worthless! Oh! Ow!

Now, Salmonella,
speak for yourself.

Uh, well...

Oh, I suppose an extra
pair of legs can't hurt you.

Make you run faster, anyway.

You two can be our
understudies. Oh, happy day!

Now then, I'm the Widow Twanky,

known throughout
the Western world

as "Laughing Lizzie,
the Sailor's Surprise."

Now, if you want to join my Traveling
Terpsichore of Toe-Tapping Tulips,

you shall have to
observe a few simple rules.

Oh, we'd love to hear them.

Well, rule number one.

We do two shows a day. Mm-hmm.

And after the second show, I
like my Tulips flossed. Mm-hmm.

And in their pajamas and in bed.

And I'll even help tuck them in!

Rule number two.

No alcohol and no junk food.

Your body is a temple,

and I will not brook the sullying
of its porticos on my watch.

Hallelujah.

And rule number three.

No men.

No problem! No problem! Hee!

Right.

Girls,

could I have your
attention, please?

Let's give a big,
warm, Tulip welcome

to the newest
members of our troupe.

Autolyca and Salmonella.

Howdy-do, sisters! Oh!

Howdy-do! Howdy-do!

Right. Let's go from
the top, shall we?

Um...

Why don't you two
just sit this one out?

Rest your best feature,
pay attention to the steps,

and you'll pick
it up in no time.

Now, Cupcake,

are you ready? I was born ready!

Some girls die for diamonds

Some gals go for gold

But if you want
the key to my heart

Just listen to what you're told

I don't need tons of jewels

Rings and things
are meant for fools

To make our two hearts meet

Feed me something sweet

I crave lots of candy

Cookies and cakes are dandy

Let me lick your lollipop

And you can try my lemon drop

So if you dip into my cookie jar

Then Sugar Daddy, we'll go far

Kisses and hugs
just ain't enough

I want a bite of your cream puff

Ooh, don't make me repeat

Feed me something sweet

Feed me something sweet

Bravo! Bravo!

What a snake charmer.

Tell me about it. If I don't get a
looser skirt, I'm gonna blow my cover.

The Athens Grand Royale Hotel

have graciously extended to us

the full utilization
of their facilities

whilst we're
performing in the area.

And I don't want to
catch any of you girls

in the gambling halls or the taverns.
- Aww.

Am I making myself clear?

Yes, Widow Twanky.

Good.

Keep an eye out for them.
They can't hide forever.

Front, boy.

Coming, sir.

This way, girls.
Room assignments.

Watch your step.

This way, girls.

Quickly. Up you
go. Up the stairs.

Oh!

Two whom does this
belong? Cupcake?

Oh, Widow Twanky,
Mistress Twanky,

I cannot tell a lie.

It's hers. What?

Sorry, sister. It's
for your own good.

Smuggling sweets!

And on show day, as well.

But I...

Don't you "but" me, young lady!

Ow! Now, then,

you go up to your room,
and you stay there all day.

And while the rest of us
are relaxing in the spa,

you should have ample opportunity
to discover the ramifications

of your ingestatory
overindulgence!

Now, off you go!

- And you! Go on!
- Yes, ma'am.

Well, come on. Your
legs aren't painted on.

Oh-ho. Whee.

Whee!

Aw, gee, Autolyca,

thanks for saving my butt.

Oh, think nothing
of it, Cupcake.

It's a butt worth saving.

Besides, us girls, we
need to stick together.

Close together. Oh, I feel
so bad about Salmonella.

Taking the blame
for me, and all.

Oh, don't give it a
second thought. I haven't.

I guess I'm a slave
to my sweet tooth.

There's just something about
frosting that makes me feel all...

Mmm... All
boop-boop-a-doopy inside!

But you still manage
to keep your figure.

Oh, I just hate you.

I swear, if I ever met a man
who loves sweets as much as I do,

I'd tie him to my bed
and never let him go.

I like the way you think.

So tell me, uh,

what else do you like in a man?

Well,

he'd have to be
kind to animals, too.

And maybe a little,

I don't know, wild
and dangerous!

Ooh. Arrgh!

But I guess that's
just wishful thinking.

I haven't exactly been
lucky when it comes to love.

Call it female intuition

but I think your luck
is about to change.

Oh, ho, this is just great.

I can't believe I let
him talk me into this!

I feel so exposed
without my beard.

So vulnerable,

so naked,

so, so,

so smooth!

Mmm!

It's about time.

Well, hello.

Excuse us.

Didn't mean to disturb you,

Miss... Monella. Sal Monella.

What an enchanting name.

So full of mystery.

Can I help you with something?

Oh, have you seen these
two men, Miss Monella?

No, no, no. Never, never, never.

Not allowed to have men. No, no.

Please, No.

Would you mind looking?

How hideous!

Don't be alarmed,

but these two men have
assassinated the King.

But don't worry.

We've sealed off the city.

They'll be found soon enough.

I should hope so.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I
have to get ready for my show.

Ah, you're a dancer. Well...

I should have guessed from the
curvaceous musculature of your

legs.

So kind of you to notice.

Oh, very little escapes
my watchful eye.

Especially when it
is feasting on such a

gorgeous creature.

Perhaps we'll meet
again, Miss Monella.

Only the fates can tell.

Bye!

Bye. Bye-bye. Bye.

Oh, Salmonella, my friend, I haven't
felt this way since, oh, last week.

Where have you been?

We've got to get out of here!

Oh, that Cupcake. What a dish.

Whooee! I ought to have her eating out
of the palm of my hand by supper time.

Will you forget the girl? Gekkus
and his men were just here.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're still
alive. The disguise must've worked.

A little too well.

He kissed my hand.

Ooh, a wanted man,
eh? You little vixen.

Hey, now, this is you.

Are we going
somewhere? Not we. Me.

I borrowed these threads from
a very generous looking couple.

They didn't seem to mind.

In fact, they didn't
seem to notice.

Gadzooks.

If I were a woman,
I'd kiss myself.

Wait! You can't leave
me again like this.

Sorry, old girl,
you're grounded.

Last one to their
room's a rotten egg!

Oh!

I'm so sorry. Think
nothing of it, my dear.

Why, the world is just a chaotic
stage, just teeming with activity.

A little bump and grind here
and there is to be expected.

Oh, gee.

I never thought of
it that way, mister.

I guess you're right.

Why, where are my manners?

Ha. I forgot to
introduce myself.

Farciferous Von Baklava,
Esquire, at your service.

Oh! Golly! I have never had
an esquire at my service before.

I'm Cupcake.

Oh, and is that your dog?

Why, yes, it is. Cupcake,
meet Cream Puff.

I named her after my
greatest culinary creation.

You... Invented the cream puff?

I certainly did. I own a string
of bakeries all across Greece.

Oh, gods forgive me, but I
am a slave to my sweet tooth.

Oh, you don't say?

Oh, I doo-bee-doo.

But the money, the castles...

That can't mean a
thing to me until I know

all the animals of the
world are safe and happy.

I guess that's why I
turned my gardens into a

sanctuary for abused wildlife.

You mean, you care
about animals that much?

How could I not? Just
look at that face. Oh.

There, there.

I rescued Cream Puff here
from a band of murderous pirates.

Oh, my!

That sounds so dangerous.

It was, Cupcake.

Very,

very, dangerous.

Oh, wow.

It's not every
day that I meet an

animal-loving, daredevil pastry
mogul with a sweet tooth like mine.

Come on, girls, hurry along.

Too many bubbles
can make you go blind.

Cupcake, is this
gentleman bothering you?

Oh, no.

I was just stroking his poodle.

You hardly know him.

Now, run along.

You're dripping
all over the floor.

I guess I got to go.

It was nice meeting you.

Yes, well.

As for you,

if you wish to have anything
more to do with my Cupcake

you will have to go through me.

You

strapping young buck.

You can lick my lollipop.

And I will suck your lemon
drop. Da-da da-da da-da...

Peeping Tom!

Don't flatter yourself,
cookie puss, it's me.

Can't a girl have some privacy?

Relax. It's nothing I
haven't seen before.

On second thought...

Autolyca, it's Cupcake.

Can I come in?

Quick, get up and answer the
door! She can't see me like this!

I'm in the tub.

Where are my melons?
Don't look at me.

Autolyca? Just a minute.

In here, sweetie.
In the bathroom.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Am I interrupting?

Not at all, Cuppie.

Three's company!

Oh, Autolyca, you were right.

I finally met my dream man!

Oh!

Oh, I just knew you
would, snookie lumps.

Heh-heh. You know
what I always say?

If something looks too
good to be true, it probably is.

She's just jealous.

He sounds wonderful.

And who do we
think we are today?

Xena and Gabrielle?

Now, come on girls,
chop-chop! The stage awaits.

Well, looks like your
not-so-secret admirer is here.

Just my luck. And my shoes
don't even match my tail!

Oh! Oh my goodness,
oh my goodness,

oh my goodness, oh my
goodness, oh my goodness...

Oh, what's the matter?

Reena and Deena...
Food poisoning!

I told them to keep away
from that pickled chinchilla.

Oh, what are we gonna do?

They were our opening act.

You two! You're on!

Us? Yes! With your
dance experience,

the Hoochie Coochie Jiggle
Wiggle should be no problem at all!

Hoochie Coochie Jiggle Wiggle?

Oh, sure. The Hoochie
Coochie Jiggle Wiggle.

That's our favorite.

Oh, a couple of pros.

I love it. The show must go on!

Gee, you gals are a
lot braver than I am.

Oh. Oh.

I'd be too embarrassed to go out
there in front of everyone and get naked.

Naked?

Yoo-hoo!

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening, and
welcome. Welcome one and all

to the Athenian Royal Palladium.

Now, are there any married
men in the audience?

Yes. MAN 2: Yeah, I am.

Well, get home to your wives!
Should be ashamed of yourselves.

Is there anybody from Corinth?
It's over. Finished. Kaput.

Nothing personal,
but I hate your guts!

You think you got
it rough, puff ball?

The last thing I need to
see before I go is you naked!

I don't want to die, I don't
want to die, I don't want to die!

Then let's make
like Zeus, and bolt.

How can we? Gekkus's
guards are everywhere!

And now, without
any further ado,

I'd like you to put
your hands together for

the Hoochie Coochie

Jiggle Wiggle.

Oh!

Oh, thank you, girls. That
was a sublime performance!

Run along and
have a light supper.

But remember to be back
in time for tonight's show.

Oh, beautiful!

Where'd you score the buds?

Gekkus sent them to me.

He wants me to meet
him for dinner at his castle.

What do you think?
Should I play hard to get?

Is your wig on too tight?

Aside from the fact that he's trying to
kill us, he seems like a really nice guy.

Listen, Sally, you're not
that kind of girl, remember?

Oh, what do you know? You're just
jealous 'cause nobody sent you flowers.

Sure, they did.
Hey, give them back!

Nobody ever gave me flowers
before! Here's one for your date.

By the way, clean up your side
of the room, will you? It's a sty.

Well, I never!

Cupcake, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

I was just kind of hoping
Farciferous would show.

Maybe he didn't
like me, after all.

Now, I know that's not true.

These came for you.

Oh!

Oh, they're from Farciferous!

He wants to meet
me at the gazebo!

Oh, that sounds so romantic.

I think he's the one
for you, Cupcake.

My advice,

don't do anything I wouldn't do.

- And that's not a long list.
- Oh, Autolyca.

You are so bad.

And it feels so good.

I didn't think you were coming.

I'm so sorry to keep you
waiting, sweet cheeks, but...

Well, I had a delivery
to take care of.

A delivery? Yes.

A pregnant yak went into labor.

Oh, but I'll spare
you the gory details.

Oh, no, please.

Tell me what happened.

They were twins. Oh.

Two of them.

We tried to reach the bull,

but he was out grazing.

Oh, Farciferous,
you are so brave!

Not at all.

It's what any extraordinary man
in my position would've done.

Oh.

But enough about me.

I've got a little
surprise for you.

Now, sit down right here.

For me?

May I? Uh, huh.

Oh!

Oh.

Mmm!

Sprinkles. My favorite.

Gimme some sugar, baby.

Oh!

Fricasseed squab. My favorite.

Leave us.

You are the most incredible
woman I've ever met.

You're not just a
dancer, you're an artiste.

Oh, Gekki.

You're such a talker.

I have something for you.

Mmm, no.

They're a family heirloom.

I want you to have them.

Oh, Gekkus,

I don't know what to say.

You're the first man,

who's ever given
me his family jewels.

There's plenty more
where they came from.

Oh.

Oh!

Cupcake, have... Have I
done something wrong?

No.

You've done everything right.

Then what's the matter?

I'm so...

Happy.

Hate to see you depressed.

I never thought a
small town girl like me

would be lucky enough
to find a swell guy like you.

Most men lie,

and steal, and
lead double lives.

But it's different with you.

It is?

I feel like I can trust you.

You do?

Oh, I may not be the smartest
girl in the world, Farciferous.

But if you gave
me half a chance,

I know I could make you happy.

I'm yours.

What's the matter?

Cupcake,

I think I...

Respect you.

Me, too.

Good.

Because I... I
really have to go.

Did you enjoy your
dinner, my darling?

Yes, thank you.

But I really should be getting
back to the theater now.

Oh, but you will
miss the best part.

Ohh!

Dessert.

I don't eat dessert
on the first date!

I must have you.

But you don't know
anything about me!

I know enough. I
know I love you.

No!

I'm not that kind of girl!

I don't care what
kind of girl you are.

All I care about is us.

Now my no-good
brother is out of the way,

we can have the world.

But I thought you
loved your brother.

Loved him? I loathed him.

Having him killed was
my greatest triumph.

Now, kiss me, before I explode!

Does this mean we
still can't be friends?

Salmoneus?

Where are you?

Well, at least one
of us got lucky.

Who is it?

It's Cupcake. I
need to talk to you.

Uh, just a minute.

Why, Cupcake, what's the matter?

Oh, Autolyca,

I don't know what I did wrong.

He just left me.

Oh, there, there, dear.

I guess I was
stupid to think that

someone like that could love me.

Now, you listen to me, Cupcake.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Your heart's as
big as they come.

And if he can't
see what I see then,

he doesn't deserve you.

You're so good to me, Autolyca.

Why, you're the
best friend I ever had.

Cupcake,

there's something
I should tell you...

Well, well, well.

I should compliment you on your
fashion sense. You almost had me fooled.

Almost.

Who are you?

You just don't know
when to quit, do you?

I had you pegged as
a guy from the get-go!

Let go of me! All
right, cut it out!

It's me you want.

I'm sorry, Cupcake.
I... I tried to tell you.

Take them to my castle,
and summon the executioner.

Ugh! Get your hands off me! Ugh!

I never meant to hurt
you, Cupcake. Honest.

Honest? That's a laugh.

Aren't you a heartbreaker?

Me? What about you?

If you'd been a better date,
we wouldn't be in this mess.

If I'd been a better date, I'd be
picking out a wedding dress now.

Would that be so bad?

Some people struggle
their whole lives to find love.

I'm just not ready for that
kind of commitment, okay?

Will you two shut
up! He started it.

If I could just reach
under my skirt.

You are desperate.

I just stopped by to tell you,

you'll be dead shortly.

Leave the girl out of this,
will you? It's us you want.

Yeah. She doesn't know
you killed your brother

and set us up for the fall.

Oops.

Listen, from now on,
whatever instinct you have,

do the opposite.

I set you up because
you are an idiot.

You just happened to be in the
wrong place at the wrong time,

which makes you an idiot, too.

You're telling me.

Well, enough chat.

Time to die.

Now would be a good
time for some moves.

Ah, keep your skirt on.

Kill them!

Come on!

Agh! Come on, let's go!

May I?

You may. Come on!

Ugh!

Hurry!

After them!

Now then, girls,
we're a few short,

so I'm going to improvise.

Now, then...

I want to see those
legs high in the air,

but not too far apart.

Come on!

Ooh!

I think we lost them.

Yeah? You think they know that?

Agh!

Well, boys, any
more bright ideas?

Oh! That hurt!

There they are!

It's about time you
gentlemen showed up.

You knew we were men?

Oh, stuck out like a sore thumb.

Help!

I think that just about does it.

Oh!

Nobody move, or I cut the cake.

Wait, don't hurt her.
Um, take us instead.

What are you, nuts?

Not another step!

He's a maniac.
He killed the king.

No! No, it's not true.

I loved my brother. He...

He was like family to me.

Oh, men!

Enjoy your stay.

Cupcake, um,

I know there's nothing I could ever
say to make up for what I've done and...

Well, you have no reason
to believe a louse like me,

but when I told you
I didn't deserve you,

I, um...

Well, I meant it.

Well...

It was interesting knowing you.

Cupcake...

The guy you're
looking for is out there.

I know you'll find him.

Who knows?

Maybe you'll be that guy.

Someday.

I feel like such a fool.

I thought he liked me for me.

Men! They're only
interested in one thing.

I never thought I'd say this,

but I feel so... So used.

Oh, well, never mind.
Look, I mean, it's his loss.

Actually, uh... It is.

Oh!

Question, uh, if you knew that we
were men, why'd you play along?

Well, I think all men should
walk a mile in women's shoes.

They might learn a thing or two.

Don't you agree, sonny?

You said it, Twank. Oh!

Actually, my feet
are killing me.

Well, we got to run.

Well, goodbye, boys.

And remember, I'll always
keep a warm spot open for you.

You come back any time.

You never know.

Bye.