Original subtitles

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- We clear? - Yeah, let's go.

Let's move.

Hey.

Here, take the case.

No need to shoot, okay?

You got it, sweetheart?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got it.

Well, give it to him.

Nice shot, Mrs. Anderson.

Why, thank you, Mr. Anderson.

Chuck.

Hi, um...

Hello, Chuck.

Miss me?

Let's talk a little...

Hey, that was a fast date. Is everything okay with you and Sarah?

Everything except her ex is in town.

This dude has a really nasty habit of popping into my life...

- ...at the most inopportune of times. - Stalker ex. Not awesome.

Does he know that you and Sarah are dating?

Yeah, he's taking the whole "we can still be friends" thing to heart.

Don't sweat it, Chuck. This guy can't hold a candle to you.

What does he have that's so great?

Uh, that would be good looks...

...sophistication, an exciting career, and much more history with Sarah.

I'm sure that Sarah will take care of it.

This guy will be out of your life in no time.

Something tells me it won't be quite that simple.

Do you wanna talk? Watch something else?

No. No, I'm good.

I'm just-- I'm just gonna hang. I'm fine. I'm gonna be fine.

So I'm just gonna sit here alone.

Not technically, but, you know, emotionally.

So...

This is what I'm talking about.

I'm worried about Lester as the new assistant manager.

Why, is he making you work?

Please, Chuck. I have mad work-avoidance skills.

True, true.

No, he's drunk with power, man.

- I once read that Mussolini started in retail. - Really?

- Hmm. - Mm-hm.

- Well, it could be worse. It could be Casey. - Lunch break, Orange Orange.

Yogurt again? Can't we have a meatball sub?

We're not eating, idiot. We got a new mission.

- Does it have anything to do with Bryce? - I don't know.

If I know Larkin, he's probably here for a roll in the hay with Walker.

- Hey, get a ball there. - Look at them.

Visiting from their Mighty Jocks sporting-goods store...

...with their colas and their tacos.

They can't treat my store like a frat house.

Grimes. Grimes.

Come here. Come here. Get in there and kick those ruffians out.

That's Mitt and his merry band.

Not only are they giants, they are psychopaths.

Look, I'm sorry. Management means making tough decisions.

Now go in there and kick them out.

Short pass to his left.

- He's got it, yeah. - Ha-ha-ha.

You guys having a good time? Good.

Well, sorry. Can I get a second, please?

One second, man. We're in the middle of the play.

Right, well, okay. Obviously, you haven't heard.

Heard what?

We have some new rules here at the Buy More.

Basically, uh, we're just requiring customers to clean up after themselves...

...and allowing others to enjoy the various video-game consoles...

...specifically, the "Madden Football," you know.

And if it's possible...

...we could all just kind of, as a group here, myself included, okay...

...use our indoor voices, as my mother used to say.

We're so sorry. We didn't mean to offend anybody.

We didn't know you had new rules. I'm gonna clean up my lunch.

Thank you so much.

I was nervous about asking you, because--

Oh, you're just gonna...

There you go, buddy. We're all cleaned up.

And, dude, if you ever interrupt another one of my games...

...it's gonna be your face that gets smushed.

You understand that?

Perfectly.

All right, buddy. Thanks.

Any idea what Bryce is doing in town? He's not staying with you, is he?

Not now, Chuck.

Ahem, is there something you'd like to share with the class?

No, sorry, general. Zipping it up.

The Fulcrum threat is far worse than it originally appeared.

We've learned one of their agents stole an encrypted microchip...

...containing top-secret information out of the DNI.

The information on the chip contained highly classified intelligence.

A refresh for the new Intersect.

Is there anything on that chip that could compromise our cover?

Unfortunately, yes.

Agent Larkin has learned that Fulcrum hired Von Hayes...

...a wealthy software magnate...

...to decrypt the chip and deliver the encoded information back to them.

Mr. Hayes is throwing a lavish party at his Bel-Air estate this evening.

The finest dining, music and food.

Your job will be to pose as a married couple and steal back the chip.

See, this is what I'm talking about.

Finally, a mission I can sink my teeth into.

Dust off the tux, polish up the dancing shoes.

No, Chuck. This mission is going to require a real spy.

Sorry I'm late. L.A. traffic is still the worst.

Bryce will be posing as Sarah's husband.

Chuck, you'll be posing as a waiter.

Try and flash on and identify the Fulcrum agent.

Hello, Mrs. Anderson.

Hey, Casey. So, what's the deal with the mission?

You were working on the plan?

Yeah, we're making it airtight so even you can't screw it up.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

So, what's the scoop with the "Andersons"?

- You worried Bryce is gonna steal your girl? - Okay, Sarah and I are purely professional.

So I resent any accusation otherwise.

And second of all, I can't take an interest in my coworker's mission?

I mean, I figure if I'm gonna be stuck being a spy for a while now...

...I think, you know, I wanna learn a little lesson from the master.

Hmm.

All right, the microchip is stored inside a vault in Von Hayes' mansion.

All Bryce and Sarah need to do is slip out and grab it.

Aren't people gonna be asking questions if they see them snooping?

Bryce and Sarah will be very affectionate.

That way, no one will ask too many questions when they're looking.

That's the beauty of PDA.

The company knows how to put you into a cute outfit.

We're not undercover yet, Bryce.

Well, you can't be too careful.

You never know who's watching, Mrs. Anderson.

Yeah, uh, about the Andersons...

...I really think that we should keep it strictly a cover this time.

Okay. Everything all right?

Yeah, it's just with Fulcrum getting closer and closer, we should be focused.

You know, no distractions.

You're right. Yeah, no distractions.

I have to admit, though, it sure was fun while it lasted.

I've always found that lunch travels better in a bag, but maybe that's just me.

Yeah, well, Lester made me kick the Mighty Jocks...

...out of the home-theater room, so Mitt burrito'd me.

What've I told you about direct confrontation...

...with the Mighty Jocks? Mitt specifically?

Run with my tail between my legs and go get John Casey.

Yeah, I know.

You ever have someone show up in your life and just make you feel so damn small?

Yeah, the...

There's always gonna be someone cooler, better-looking, more athletic.

There's one thing that we have that they don't.

- I got a beard. - Brains.

- Mm-hm. - Brains.

And if we use our brains, then we're gonna be okay.

You're right, I know. All right, good talk.

Uh, okay, yeah.

- There you go. - Schmutz.

- Hey. - Hey, I was just on my way home.

I got this thing to do with Sarah. What's going on?

Uh, well, I went by the Orange Orange to ask Sarah to be a bridesmaid.

- That is so sweet, Ellie. - Yeah, um...

Chuck, when I got there, I saw her holding hands with another guy.

I think it might be her ex.

Really? Uh, did you get a good look at him?

He was faced the other way.

But, uh, dark hair, sort of classically handsome.

I don't know if I'd call him "classically handsome."

Maybe from, like, a weird angle or from really far away, maybe...

They were holding hands, huh?

Yeah. I'm really sorry, Chuck.

Don't be, ha-ha-ha. Don't be, El.

Why? Why be sorry? No, it's all good.

She's probably letting him down easy.

Trust me, things have never been better between us.

Grimes, I thought I told you to toss those meatheads.

I tried. Dude, what do you want me to do?

Maybe they'll respond to somebody who's in authority.

Don't you think you should lead by example, Lester?

Slovenly buffoons.

Okay, listen to me.

What about a plan that doesn't require direct confrontation?

- Talk to me. - Come on now.

You've got it, yeah.

Go.

Whoa, come on.

Whoa, yeah, baby. Yeah, baby.

Last play of the game.

Come on, you gotta do--

I'm taking it to the house.

- Whoo! - Hey, you got it.

Six, five, four, three...

...two...

- Ow. - What the hell?

That was a game-winning drive!

A game-winning drive!

And now what does it look like?

Kind of hard to tell, little bit of a glare.

Super Bowl-winning drive!

Franchise mode, all-Madden!

I can tell you're upset.

You could've asked us to leave nicely.

I didn't even wanna kick you guys out. I'm just an employee.

- My boss made me do it. - Who's your boss?

- Come on, don't make me-- - Who?

Guy over there, skinny guy.

You, dead.

After work, I'm gonna kick both your asses.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

You too.

What, no rose for me this time, lover boy?

Cute.

We're just protecting our cover.

Sales up at the Buy More?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, Buy More is good.

We just got a new MacBook SMC Firmware update...

...so, you know, things are a little nutty, ha-ha.

I can imagine.

It's--

So, uh, staying with Sarah, huh?

Protecting our cover.

- How are things between you guys? - We're good. Good, good, good.

Solid. Why, did she say something?

No, it's just she's a beautiful girl pretending to be your girlfriend.

I was afraid you'd let the lines get blurred and fall for her.

What, me, fall for Sarah? Please.

Hey, guys.

So how do I look?

Good.

Yeah, yeah, real good.

Red's not really my color, so...

I forgot, ahem, my jacket.

Or salmon or whatever that is.

Ladies and gentleman, welcome.

As you all know, today is yours truly's birthday.

Thank you.

Ha-ha-ha. No, no, no. I have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm rich, handsome, an extraordinarily gifted lover...

...but most importantly, I know how to throw one hell of a party.

So let's get it on, people.

Cheers.

Hey, Bartowski, Von Hayes is at Table 8.

Grab a bottle of wine, see if you flash on anything.

- Any security behind you? - No.

- You're still a great dancer. - You're a little rusty.

Yes, sir, of course. Fantastic.

Will you just let me lead?

No.

Hey. Quit screwing around, Bartowski.

Now get close to Von Hayes.

Whoa, whoa. Hey.

- Oh! I'm so-- I'm sorry. - What the hell are you doing?

- I'm so sorry. - No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop.

You know, I'll get a fresh bottle.

- I'm so sorry, sir. - You do that.

Good help is so hard to find these days.

I didn't flash on anything.

Keep looking. Get your head in the game.

The cameras on the east and west walls cross for about two seconds.

Lambada.

The forbidden dance.

That's the blind spot.

Get a room.

Right?

- Are you on drugs? - No.

That was a $1000 bottle of Lafite Rothschild.

- I'm so very sorry, sir. - "So sorry."

Were you dropped as a child from a great height?

Actually, I couldn't confirm or deny that.

- Is everything all right? - Congratulations.

You have succeeded in hiring possibly the worst waiter in history.

You heard the man, Jorge. You're fired.

- I'll call security to take you out. - No, no, no.

No, I need this job. Please, have some compassion, some mercy.

Hello, Mr. Hayes. Do you have my microchip?

Hello.

My bosses don't like to wait.

Perhaps we could talk in private.

Terminate. Exterminate.

Initiate burn notice.

Let's go.

Hey, whoa, wait. No, no.

- Let me finish my shift. - Bartowski.

Shift's over.

Time to meet your maker.

I'm too young, upwardly mobile and handsome to die.

Don't worry, Morgan. I'll take care of Anna when you're gone.

I'd rather be drawn and quartered. Let's go, Morgan.

We can't go. Mitt is going to kill us, dude.

Unhand me now. All right, let's get it together here.

- What? - All right? I'm not scared of Mitt.

You are crazy, man. I am not going anywhere.

That's why I got the girl.

Dead man walking.

Oh, you know what? Holy smokes. I just remembered.

Big Mike wanted me to finish this inventory by tomorrow morning.

Morgan, you can't let a bully like Mitt push you around.

This isn't high school.

No, it's worse.

This is Buy More.

Jeff. Jeff.

Moron. Bryce and Sarah are at the vault. Come back to the van.

No, I flashed on a Fulcrum agent, but I didn't see her face.

Wait, we need to know what she looks like. Go back in, get me a real ID.

I'm locked out.

Well, since I'm not a complete idiot like a certain someone...

...by which I mean you, I tapped into the security system.

- Try it now. - Pretty impressive.

Just get in and find the Fulcrum agent. You got five minutes, go.

Is that Jorge?

You promised us the decrypted chip two weeks ago.

Instead, you're throwing a party.

Ah, what's the point to being rich if you can't have a little fun?

You have decrypted the information on the chip?

Yes, yes, it's all finished.

The, uh, question is, where's my fee?

Forget the 15 million.

Oh, my God.

I think I'll just take my chip.

It's in my vault. Um...

I'll take you right--

I'll take you right there. Just...

Okay, Casey, the microchip is not in the vault.

It is on Von Hayes' key chain.

I also got a look at the Fulcrum agent.

- What's she look like? - Oh, my gosh, just so awful.

I mean, incredibly creepy. Think psycho elfin queen.

- Did you say Fulcrum? - Sarah.

- Casey, what's going on? - Von Hayes is on the move.

- Where? - Headed for the front, got the chip.

Freeze. Federal agents.

Hey, Fulcrum agent has Chuck. She's leaving out the back door.

Sarah, what are you doing?

Chuck's in danger. That agent will kill him if we--

No, our covers are on that microchip.

If we don't get it, all of us get killed.

Sarah.

Bartowski and the CIA. How could it not go wrong?

You gotta believe me.

The whole creepy elfin thing was a compliment, I swear.

Ever since my librarian introduced me to The Hobbit...

...I've been hooked. I don't know if it's they eyes or the ears.

- Shut up, Jorge. - Chuck. Duck and cover.

Go.

Chuck, are you okay?

Chuck, hey.

Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah. - Run!

Oh, my God.

- Hi. - Hey.

Dr. Cuddy to Radiology.

I, uh, brought you some gardenias.

They're my favorite. How did you know?

Well, I'm not an entirely incompetent spy, you know.

Thank you.

You can put them over there.

Bryce Larkin, huh?

I guess no matter what it is, I'll always come in second to that guy.

Not always.

Ellie said you had a concussion.

Oh, it's just a minor concussion. I'm fine.

It's my ego that's hurt more than anything.

- I don't believe it. - What's up, babe?

That is Sarah's ex.

That guy just won't back off.

Know what, Chuck might be too nice to say anything, but I'm not.

Whoa, hold on, babe.

Let me handle this.

I'm sorry. It's my fault. If I didn't get fired, this never would've happened.

Hey, don't apologize, okay?

It is not your job to protect me.

Well, all things being considered, that's probably a good thing.

Yeah, you have a lot of good qualities.

But, uh, I'm not sure bodyguard is one of them.

- Hey, bro. - Hey.

Whoa, that cut looks infected.

I better take a look at that. Come on.

Sorry, bro, you got a lot of dirt in there.

Ow.

So how do you know Sarah?

She's my ex.

Based on all the flowers you sent, I'd say you still had feelings for her.

- It's complicated. - I know.

She's dating my soon-to-be brother-in-law, Chuck.

I didn't know.

Sarah said she wanted to tell me something, but then she got hurt.

Ouch.

- Cut's pretty deep there. - Ah.

So, um, Chuck and Sarah, is it serious?

I'm specializing in cardiothoracic medicine.

That means there's one thing in the world I know best:

the human heart.

Spent enough time with them to see how they are together.

See how she looks at him.

My professional opinion?

She's in love with Chuck, dude.

You look terrible.

Did you guys actually sleep at the Buy More last night so you could avoid Mitt?

- What? No. - Please, I'm not afraid of that miscreant.

And if he were here, we'd tell him.

Jeff, put that away.

No way. This is like Faces of Death all over again.

I'm gonna make a fortune.

- No. No. You wanna do this? - Let's do this.

- Let's do this. - Yes.

You guys didn't show up last night.

I felt like a girl who got stood up on prom night.

What's wrong? Don't you wanna dance with me, bearded little man?

Um...

You think that maybe we could work this out together?

You know, man-to-man kind of thing?

We could use some new PSPs.

- "We"? - We.

Oh, God.

All right, uh, you know-- Yes, I just have to take two weeks' advance pay.

But, yeah, fine.

Okay, you got a deal.

Deal.

That's right, don't ever come back.

Wow, how did you do that?

You just gotta learn to speak their language.

You bully a bully. Yeah.

- Chuck. - You--

Wow, you really ought to think about toning down the entrances a notch.

Sorry. Comes with the job.

Uh, look, I've already had a pretty long day, and I gotta get to work.

So if you have any life-changing bombs that you'd like to drop on me...

...could you please save it for later?

I'm worried about Sarah.

There's nothing to worry about. She got a minor concussion and few bruises.

No, that's not what I'm worried about.

She went off mission.

Not only did we lose the microchip and the agent, you almost got killed.

Okay, she went off mission to protect me...

...which, by the way, is her job, and wins her points in my book.

Sarah has feelings for you, Chuck.

Feelings that will get her killed.

People we deal with are cold-blooded assassins.

They have no emotions, no feelings.

The only chance we have is to think and act like they do.

Anything less gets us killed.

Sarah knows what she's doing, Bryce.

- Sarah Walker's room? - Oh, Room 808.

Chuck.

Just the guy I was looking for.

These are for you.

Wow, Devon, thanks.

I've never received flowers from another man before.

But there's a first time for everything.

- They're not from me, Chuck. - That's a relief.

They're from Sarah's ex.

I intercepted them before they got to her room.

- This guy won't take no for an answer. - Indeed.

- Thanks for looking out. - Hey, that's what bros are for.

All right.

Bryce.

Hello?

Bryce, I almost bought your little speech, but--

Who's Bryce?

Von Hayes? Von Hayes, we've been looking for you.

- Who is this? - Jorge. Jorge Carmichael.

- Uh, who? - The waiter who dropped the Rothschild.

How did you get my number? I sent the flowers to that female agent.

Yeah, yeah, well, uh, you know, I'm her supervisor.

Your little case has made its way up, you're gonna be dealing with me.

If you wanna stay alive, you need to tell me where that microchip is.

Don't worry, I have it. It's safe, just don't let those people catch me. Okay?

Just get me the hell out of here, Jorge. I'm living in a Lamborghini.

You can't imagine how little legroom there is.

I know you're pissed off that I screwed up you plans...

...but I have some good news.

- I found the microchip. - How?

It doesn't matter how. The point is I did it.

What exactly did you do, Bartowski?

I negotiated the return of said microchip.

Of course, I did have to agree to certain terms.

What terms?

Well, one, he'll only make the exchange with me.

Uh, two, he wants full immunity from any government prosecution.

- I can live with that. - There's one-- Just--

Ha, ha. Sorry.

- There is kind of one more little bitty thing. - What?

We're gonna need roughly $4.5 million in unmarked bills.

Preferably small denominations.

Oh, how am I doing?

Great.

- Looks like we'll release you in a few hours. - Oh, great.

Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.

Well, unfortunately, I can't promise the same.

What?

I don't like Fulcrum, so I'm only gonna ask once.

Where's your boss?

Okay, here he is, Chuck. You're on.

Have you got the cash?

Yeah, I have it. It's in the-- It's right here in the bag.

Do you have the microchip?

- Give me the cash. - You first.

- No, you first. - I'm pretty positive you go first.

Just make the exchange, moron.

I've never done a hand-off before. I'm really not used to this spy stuff.

- A little stressful, isn't it? Yeah. - Yeah.

- I got an idea. - Oh, yeah?

- We'll go at the same time. - Same time.

- I'll count to three. - You'll count.

- You wanna count? - No, it's too much pressure.

- I'll count to three. - On three or after three?

- What do you want? - After three.

- It's like one, two, three, change. - Okay, here we go. One.

Two.

Trouble, Chuck. Make the exchange.

- You told me I could trust you. - No, no, no, wait.

Wait, no.

I can never get a break.

You, stay here this time.

Hey, where are you--?

Don't you need this?

Give us the chip, Mr. Hayes.

Don't move! Drop your weapons!

Sorry, fellas.

Someone's paying us a lot of money to take that chip.

Hold on. Wait, don't do anything. No shooting.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

May I have your attention, please?

Um...

In my hands, I'm holding $4.5 million in unmarked bills.

Now, I'm not sure what the current going rate for thug-for-hire work is...

...but I'm feeling pretty confident that it's a lot less than this.

Now all I ask is that you let Von Hayes and my two friends here go...

...and the money's all yours.

Or you can die horrible deaths in a hail of gunfire.

The choice is yours, really.

That was amazing.

- Thank you, Jorge. - Don't mention it.

- All right. - No, no, no, don't encourage him.

Appreciation wouldn't kill you. I did get the microchip back.

You also gave away $4.5 million in taxpayer money.

Nobody's perfect.

- Where you going? - To get it back, idiot.

Don't need Casey to tell me I'm a good spy. I think I'm doing fine.

Fact of the matter, it's not as hard as it's cracked up to be.

Okay, let's try this one more time.

The microchip, please.

Hey.

- The microchip, now. - Release the kid first.

Kid? Honestly, we're born in the same year.

Give me the chip, and I'll let him go.

Promise.

The chip?

There. Now release him.

Sorry.

- You got it? - Yeah, I got it.

Take it.

Take the shot, Sarah.

Sarah, take the shot.

Take it.

When you want something done right, you do it yourself.

Morgan, you said you got rid of them.

End him, Morgan.

My friend, please. Please fix this.

I'm the boss, you can't touch me.

You gonna buy me a taco.

- Yeah right, okay. Ha-ha.

Uh, Mr. Mitt, sir.

Hey, uh, I though we had an understanding before.

We did, before.

Now we need a PlayStation 3.

I'm broke, man.

Well, if that's the case, then scram, you little loser.

- You can't talk to him like that. - Piss off, Yoko.

You can't talk to me like that. Right, Morgan?

I don't hear anything.

You guys hear anything?

- Oh, did you hear that? - Damn.

Sweep the leg, Morgan. Sweep the leg.

Just so you know...

...I think my fist is bigger than your entire head.

Lay off him, meatheads.

- Anna, what are you doing? - Saving you, babe.

Um, I don't really think that that's the right idea here.

Hey, I don't fight girls.

Neither do I.

Oh!

I need a background clearance on a one Anna Wu.

Nice shot, Miss Wu.

- I might have a candidate for field work. - No.

- Chuck. - Aah! You--

What did I say about the entrances?

We need to talk about Sarah.

She had a chance to take the shot back there, and she didn't.

She hesitated and it almost cost us the microchip and your life.

I know.

What are you gonna do about it?

I don't know, Bryce. You tell me. What am I supposed to do?

You'll do the right thing.

You always do.

It's why I sent you the Intersect in the first place.

Hey, uh, Bryce.

You forgot your glasses.

You keep them.

If you're gonna be a real spy, you're gonna need them.

I don't-- I don't wanna be a real spy.

From what I've seen, it's a little too late for that, Chuck.

I'm sure you hate me right now...

...but someday you're gonna realize I was looking out for you.

I have been all along.

I know I hesitated.

I let my guard down momentarily, and it was a mistake.

But I can protect Chuck.

Hand me that shammy, will you?

- Hey. - Hey.

Everything okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, just-- There's, um...

I had a couple of things I wanted to tell you before dinner.

Yeah, me too.

- Look-- I'm sorry. - Look--

Look, we both know how I feel about you, so I'm just gonna shoot straight.

Sarah, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

You're beautiful, you're smart, you laugh at all of my stupid jokes.

And you have this horrible habit of constantly saving my life.

The truth is, you're everything that I thought I ever wanted and more.

And for the last few days, all I can think about is our future together.

About what it's gonna be like once I get the Intersect out of my head.

How we'll finally be together for real. No fake relationships.

No covers, no lies.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize...

...that you and I can never have a future together.

I fooled myself into thinking that we could, but the truth is we can't.

Because even if we had a real relationship, it would never really be real.

I'd still never know anything about you.

Your real name, your hometown, your first love, anything.

And I want more than that.

I wanna be able to call you at the end of a bad day...

...and tell you about some funny thing Morgan did...

...and not find out that I can't because you're off somewhere in Paraguay...

...quelling a revolution with a fork.

I'm a normal guy...

...who wants a normal life.

And as amazing as you are, Sarah Walker...

...we both know...

...that you will never be normal.

You know, someday when the Intersect is out of your head...

...and you have the life you always wanted, you'll forget all about me.

I seriously doubt that.

Come on, we better get inside. They're waiting for us.

- Hey, it's our favorite bridesmaid. - I'm so excited.

Wait till you see the dresses that I picked out.

Hey, buddy, I'm glad to see you guys worked things out.

Who knows, maybe you're next, huh?

That's my favorite.

Hmm, not bad.

Carmichael.

Charles Carmichael.

I hate Bryce Larkin.