All language subtitles for 10th Kingdom S01E01

("Wishing on a Star"
by Anne Dudley)

♪ Ah...I'm wishing

♪ I'm wishing on a star

♪ To follow where you are

♪ I'm wishing on a dream

♪ To follow what it means

♪ And I wish on all the rainbows

♪ That I've seen

♪ I wish on all the people

♪ Who really dream

♪ I'm wishing on a star

♪ To follow where you are ♪

[Virginia] My name is Virginia

and I live on the
edge of the forest.

(chuckles)

Well, kind of.

My dad's a janitor.

That's how we got
to have an apartment

on the edge of Central Park.

And you might
think that the fact

that I still live with my
dad is a bit sad and...

(snorts)

Well, you might be right.

Oh!

But, I don't know, I'm
all he's got really and...

I'm sort of permanently

between boyfriends
at the moment.

So, you know.

I'm just a waitress at
the grill on the park,

(chuckles)

but one day, I'm going
to find a partner

and open a restaurant of my own.

All I need's a good man
who's interested in food.

(creaking)

(clicking)

(slam)

Did you see this? Look at this.

This has been chewed.

It's not my job.

This is an electrician's
job, but who gets to do it?

Where are you going?

To work, Dad,
like I do every day.

Oh.

On the way back,

use the stairs.

(ding)

Just in case.

(caws)

(slow ominous music)

(caws)

(caws)

(footsteps)

Who's there?

(footsteps)

(zaps)

(twinkling)

(vibrating hiss)

(lighthearted orchestral music)

So, where exactly
are we going?

To Beantown, in the southwest
corner of your kingdom, sir.

You're accepting the throne
that the craftsmen there

have made for your coronation.

Well, is it much further?

Can't we stop and go
hunting or something?

Very shortly, sir.

We must make a brief stop

at the Snow White
Memorial Prison.

(sighs)

I hate these outer provinces.

The people are so common.

Your stepmother has
applied for parole again

which we will, of
course, turn down.

(sighs)

It's simply a routine
courtesy visit.

(creaking)

What!

Stop it!

[Relish] You're pathetic.

Call yourselves trolls?

You make me ashamed.

Sorry Dad.

Sorry, Dad.

It won't happen again.

[Relish] This is the last
time I come and rescue you.

Come on, Dad, take
off the magic shoes.

[Relish] I can handle them.

(whooshing)

(groans)

(zaps)

[Tony] You know what
I'm startin' to think?

I'm startin' to think that
the only kind of people

they want in this
country are guys like me.

You know, guys who will work
for scraps, do six jobs.

Basically, bend
over and take it.

Wanna know something, darling?

10, 15 years tops, this country

is finished as a democracy.

I'm telling you, as
a caring society,

where people do things for each other,

we're done,
we're finished.

We are out of here.

Your barbecue ribs are
on top of the microwave.

(dings)

Tony, I have been
calling this elevator

for the last half hour.

I thought you fixed it.

I did, sir, but
it's broken again.

Well, don't take
all night on it.

You've got to look
at that boiler.

It's driving everybody crazy.

There's air in the pipes.

The whole system's got
to be drained and bled.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

I just have to fix the
leak in number nine

and then I'm right on it.

Tony, I am only going
to tell you this once.

There are an awful lot of people

out there who would
love your job.

An awful lotta people.

Yes, sir.

Drain the system.

I'd like to drain his system.

- [Victoria] Bye, Daddy.

- Oh, oh, oh, listen.

Don't go through
the park, promise?

- Yup.
- Have you got a coat?

You're gonna get cold.

Oh, what did you
fix me for dinner?

(whoosh)

- [Woman] Wait.

Come to me.

(snorting)

(foreboding orchestral music)

(yawns)

Well, this is
marvelous, isn't it?

Not exactly the red
carpet treatment.

I'm sure they
won't have forgotten

about our visit, Your Majesty.

(creaking)

Suck an elf.

Oh, you were right.

"Maximum security."

We're not supposed
to be in here.

Dad, no one's ever
allowed in there.

(creaking)

This is where they
keep the Queen.

What did they..

(whoosh)

(slam)

Stop.

(slam)

Dad, this is really bad.

(creaking)

(slam)

[Blabberwort] No, Dad,
Dad, where are you going?

- Dad..
- Dad, this could be a trap.

[Burly] Dad, don't.

- No!
- Dad!

(whoosh)

[Woman] Open the door.

Open the door to
everything you desire.

(creaks)

(woman singing acapella)

Giles?

Giles?

(menacing orchestral music)

(creaking)

Hello?

(sighs)

Giles.

(slam)

Hello, princey!

(laughing)

(thud)
(yells)

Did that hurt?

I'd like you to
meet my sister.

(thud)
(yelps)

(thud)
(yells)

(moans)

(yells)

(thud)

Now he's mine.

I get the first shot.

You got the first last time.

[Bluebell] I always
get the first--

Enough.

You're a long way from
your castle, Wendell.

Perhaps you should
have stayed there.

My silly little stepson.

You, you...

You will pay for this.

On the contrary.

I think that you will
beg at my feet for food.

Do you know what this is?

This is a very
special kind of dog.

This is a magical dog.

I hope you like dogs, Wendell.

You're going to spend the
rest of your life as one.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(pat)

(twinkling)

(laughing)
(clapping)

(barking)

Come, come, Prince Wendell.

You don't greet people
on all fours, do you?

(laughing)

[Relish] Get him.

Stop him, bring
him back to me alive.

We'll get him.
He's not going anywhere.

He can't escape.

We're in a prison.

Well, Your Highness.

Just what do you have
to say for yourself?

(stutters)

Where's my tail gone?

[Virginia] I guess
you get to a certain age

and you realize that
nothing exciting

is ever going to happen to you.

And maybe that's
just the way it is.

You know, maybe some people
just have quiet lives.

(muffled shouting)

Give us some food, say.

I haven't had any
food since yesterday.

Let us out.

Come on, just give us the key.

Let us out.

You.

(gasps)

Hello.

What are you?

Me?

A very, very fine
chap, falsely impris--

Do not make me ask again.

I'm a...

(scratches)

Shh...

Half-wolf.

If I give you your freedom,

you must agree to serve me
without question.

Oh, breakfast, lunch, dinner.

I am your wolf.

"Loyalty" is my middle name.

I've turned Prince
Wendell into a dog.

Good idea.

Find him before the trolls.

Oh, trolls.

Wait.

Give your will to me.

Be mine to summon

and control.

Do you understand?

[Wolf] Yeah.

(suspenseful action music)

(grunts)

(thud)
(yells)

(yells)
(thud)

Come on.

(sniffs)

(sighs)

(growls)

(crashing)

(whoosh)

(tinkling)

(barks)

(growls)

[Wolf] Huff, puff.

What's going on here?

(whooshing)
(twinkling)

(boom)

(gasps)

(yells)

(thudding)

(boom)

Wow.

(big city music)

(boom)

(boom)

(boom)

[Burly] Suck an elf.

Where are we?

Wow, get a look at that.

This isn't part of
the nine kingdoms.

This is a magical place.

Look at all those lights.

[Bluebell] They must go
through a ton of candles.

Maybe we should
claim this kingdom.

That's a sensational idea.

Let's grab it before
someone else does.

I hereby claim this land
and all its inhabitants

in the name of the Troll Nation.

Henceforth, it
shall be known as...

What shall we call it?

(gasping)

The 10th Kingdom.

Ah.

[All] The 10th Kingdom!

(epic instrumental music)

In a month, I will have
crushed the House of White.

I will have Wendell's
castle and his kingdom

and for helping me
to escape you may

have half his kingdom to rule.

Half the fourth
kingdom, but it's huge.

What's your plan?

What do I have to do?

Simply allow me the
use of your children

until they've captured
the Prince for me.

That's all?

Tell no one what
you've seen, of course.

Do I get to choose

which half of the
kingdom I want?

(moans)

Oh my god, I've killed it.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm sorry.

(whimpers)

Where's your master?

How come you don't
have a collar?

(faraway chatter)

Come on, let's get out of here.

(comedic orchestral music)

(grunts)

[Bluebell] Ah...

(gasping)

Hello.

(screams)
(loud slam)

(laughs)

(footsteps)

Oh, my wallet.

(clicks tongue)
(growls)

Look at this.
It's not even leather.

Are there any other
shoes in here?

[Blabberwort] What's this?

(groans)

(smack)
(grunts)

♪ Night fever, night fever

♪ We know how to do it ♪

More magic.

(distant siren wailing)

(howling)

No.

Virginia, just leave.

Go.

(barks)

(grunting)

There.

There's been an incident.

Aha!

Lookie look.

[Burly] Dog hairs.

Ah, calfskin.

Nicey nice.

Squeaky clean.

(growling savagely)
(struggling)

"If found, please
return to Virginia Lewis,

"apartment 2006, number two,

"East Eighty-Onest Street."

"Eighty-Onest Street?"

Yeah, that's what it
says, "eighty-onest."

How 'bout this way?

Come on, let's go!

[Burly] Come on, let's go.

(breathes in deeply)

(exhales)

(gasps)

Meat.

(growls)

(soft atmospheric music)

(chatter)

(door opens)

(clattering)

Hi.

Oh, and where
have you been, huh?

I've been covering for you.

[Virginia] Thank you.

Your head, you're bleeding.

I smashed my bike
and I lost my wallet

and I've picked up
a new boyfriend.

Oh...

(laughing)

Well, hello.

I hit him with my bike,
but I don't think he's hurt.

I mean, he's not
bleeding or anything.

[Candy] What's his name?

I don't know, he
doesn't have a collar.

Uh huh, come on,
let's see, huh?

You look like a
prince to me, huh?

Yes.

Hello, Prince.

Hello, hello.

(soft atmospheric music)

Oh...

(snarls)

(growls)

Tasty.

Remember what you came here for.

Find the Prince,
find the Prince.

But huff puff.

A wolf's got to eat, hasn't he?

Can't work on an empty stomach.

(sniffs)

(gasps)

I smell dog!

Would you believe it?

Work and pleasure combined.

All right, you
can stay in here

and I'll come back when
I can and check on you.

Don't make a noise or
you'll get me the sack.

(barks)

Shh.

Quiet or I'll put you outside.

So, the specials are lamb--

Lamb?

(gasps)

New season's lamb, I hope.

Young and juicy and frolicking
provocatively in the fields,

bouncing up and down
with soft, fluffy wool.

(gasps)

Stop it.

Pull yourself together.

Some shepherdess not
really paying attention

to the flock, probably asleep,
if I know little girls.

Well, I'm not gonna eat her.

(chuckles)

Not if there's a lamb filet
or a nice fat rack of chops.

I'm not greedy.

Well, I am greedy.

I don't know why
I just said that.

I have a substantial appetite.

Born to gorge.

That's me.

(honking)

(yells)

- Suck an elf.

(honking)

(grunting)

All right.

(brakes squealing)

(glass shattering)

(radiator hissing)

(yelling)

(smash)

Our carriage is here.

(laughing)

(soft atmospheric music)

Okay.

[Wolf] No, no!

[Victoria] Sir,
what can I get you?

Rare implies
dangerously cooked.

When I say, "rare," I
mean just let it look

at the oven in terror,
then bring it out to me.

No fries, no vegetables.

Just meat.

Red...

As a young girl's first blush.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- I missed that.
- I'll have a jug of margarita,

a diet cola, and two beers, okay?

(barking)

And my wife will have--

I'm sorry, I'll be right back.

A double, big...

(clattering)

[Voiceover] Cold plates.

All right, that's it,
I'm taking you outside.

(sighs)

(slow ominous music)

(chuckles)

Okay, Candy, very funny.

You can come out.

I suppose you wrote that, eh?

(barks)

Bark once.

(barks)

(chuckles)

Okay, bark twice.

(barks twice)

(shrieks)

Okay, so, you got
the lamb special

and six glasses of warm milk.

Yeah.

(gasps)

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

- Uh huh?
- I almost forgot.

Uh, I'm looking for
this lovely lady

who..uh..found my doggie.

Oh, so, it's yours.

Oh.

I'll tell Virginia.

She's out back.

Can you

understand everything
I'm saying?

(barks)

Just stop it!

Well, who's in danger?

Both of us?

(barks)

Whoa.

Just wait a minute.

(ominous instrumental music)

Oh, you can't come in here.

Oh.

(growls)

Um...

She must've gone home, you know?

Maybe she hurt
herself when she fell.

Oh, poor little sausage.

Why don't you tell
me where she lives?

That way I can thank her.

Oh, Well, I...

I can't tell you
where she lives.

You know, um, I don't
know who you are.

Oh...

(slam)

Oh.

You can tell me.

(snarls)

(distant siren wailing)

This is my stop.

You gotta go now.

(sighs)

Okay, you can just
stay one night

and then you're on your own.

Do you understand?

(barks)

I've gone crazy.

How can I be talking to a dog?

(barking)

Yes, I have.

Don't try and reassure me.

(snoring softly)

That's Mrs. Graves
from next door.

And her husband,
and their son Eric.

(barks)

(barks)

(sighs)

What's happened to them?

(ding)

(creaking)

Wait here.

(barks)

Shh, Wait.

I'm gonna go see
if Dad's all right.

(ding)

(foreboding orchestral music)

Dad.

Dad, wake up.

(door closes)

[Burly] What do you think?

Look.

Here they are.

(sighs admiringly)

Soft cow.

Nicey nice.

(loud growling)

[Bluebell] Walk the catwalk.

(chuckling)

Hello there, girlie.

These shoes.

They've been very
badly cared for.

They're, they're scuffed,
and cracked and neglected.

(crashing)

You have nice
shoes and so tiny.

We have hundreds
of pairs at home.

So we know what
we're talking about.

[Virginia] Who
are you and what

have you done to my dad?

[Burly] Aw, he's
just sleeping.

Hit him with a bit of
troll dust, that's all.

Troll dust?

I am Burly the troll, feared
throughout the nine kingdoms.

[Blabberwort] I am
Blabberwort the troll,

dreaded throughout
the nine kingdoms.

[Bluebell] And I am
Bluebell the troll,

terrified throughout
the nine kingdoms.

(yelling)

(explosion)

(gasps)

(crackling)

So, where is he?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

[Blabberwort] Prince Wendell.

- Who?
- [Burly] The dog.

- (yelps)
- (grunts)

[Blabberwort] We are going
to count to three and then

we are going to make you
into a pair of shoes.

One, I'll cut the shoes.

Two, I will shape the shoes.

Three, I will stick--

All right, all right!

I'll tell you where he is.

He's here.

He's just, uh, outside.

[Burly] Show us.

Take us to him.

(groaning)

[Bluebell] Go
through the door.

Be careful.

Shut up, Bluebell.

(ding)

Where is he?

(ding)

He's hiding, uh...

Behind those doors.

(grunting)

(yelling)

(gasping)

That room was not
there a moment ago.

You are crafty.

(soft menacing music)

There's no one in here!

Oh, yes, he's here.

I'm, I'm just gonna
operate the secret door

and show you where he's hiding.

[Burly] No!

It's a trick.

[Bluebell] Open this door!

(slam)

(screaming)

Suck an elf.

(yelling)

Open up.

(zapping)

All right, come on.

Let's get out of here.

Dad'll be all right.

I think it's you they're after.

(knocking)

(snoring)

(knocking)

Oh, whatever it is, go away.

Good evening.

Trolls have been to
visit you first, I see.

(claps)

No matter.

Tonight and tonight
only, I am authorized

to make you a unique offer.

Namely, the end to all your
personal and financial problems.

Hey, hey, just hold
it a second right there.

You take another step,
I'm gonna call the cops.

This is private property.

Under the terms of this policy

I am, in exchange
for information

as to the whereabouts
of your daughter,

able to offer you
this magic bean

which, once eaten, will give you

six glorious wishes.

(snorts)

Is this her?

This can't be her.

What do you mean?

Oh, she's succulent!

What a dreamy, creamy girl!

(whimpering)

(whimpering)

(howling)

Tasty, or what?

(grunting rhythmically)

(yelling)

(yelling)
(crackling)

(exhausted sigh)

I've been thinking
back over the years

and I feel this
is quite the worst

spell we have ever
been put under.

We've had some stinkers
but nothing like this.

She's a powerful
little witch, that one.

I think we might
be in her pocket.

[Blabberwort] Hmm?

What?

I think she might
have shrunk us

and put us in a
matchbox in her pocket.

That's ridiculous.

You're falling to pieces.

Get a grip on yourself.

How can we be in a
matchbox, you idiot?

Where are all the matches?

(vibrating squeal)

(soft boinging)

What the hell's it doing?

Six big wishes.

Imagine having
anything you desire.

And from the look of
your modest surroundings

I'm sure there are many things
that you'd love to change.

I, oh...

Well, you know, I would...

Uh, just get the hell out
of my apartment, all right?

Well...

This is a joke, right?

No, no.

It's a standard
multiple-wishes deal,

six wishes, no going
back on wishes once made,

no making five wishes and
wishing for another thousand.

Now, come on, is that
a fair deal or what?

Now...

Where is your lovely daughter?

(sniffs)

What do you want her for?

Simply to reclaim my little
doggy which she found earlier.

Dog?

There's even a reward involved

which I intend to
give her personally.

(sighs)

If she's not at work she'll
be at my mother-in-law's.

Ooh.

She's always trying to
turn Virginia against me.

Does this mother-in-law
like, uh, flowers?

She likes money.

That's the only thing
that impresses her.

Address, please.

It's been a pleasure.

Wait, hold on a second.

How long does this take to work?

Oh, don't worry,
the first three hours

are the worst.

(sighs)

Anything I want, huh?

(snorts)

Ooh...

Okay.

All right, for my first wish...

(stomach grumbling deeply)

For my f...

For my f...

(groaning in pain)

[Virginia] Hello?

[Grandma] Who is it?

It's only me, Grandma.

Hi.

(laughing)

For a moment there I
thought it was your mother.

(laughs)

Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.

Would you mind if I
stayed the night tonight?

You know, she'll
come back one day.

She'll just swan
in without a word.

You don't think she could
be in Aspen, do you?

She always loved the snow.

Well...

I think she would
have come back by now.

I don't know, 14 years is
a long time for apres-ski.

Don't be cheap, dear.

(barking)

(yipping)

God, what's that?

This is a stray
I picked up today.

Well, just keep
him away from Roland.

He's probably got fleas.

Aw, you don't have fleas.

Do you have fleas?

No, shh, shh.

(yipping)

Thanks.

You know, you could still be

something in society, Virginia.

I have connections, you know.

Your mother's debut at
the Ritz Carlton was, ah.

A coronation.

At 19 she could have
had any bachelor

in the whole of New York.

And what does she end up with?

Dad.

Dad.

Don't throw away your life
the way she did, Virginia.

I can see the whole thing
happening all over again.

You're a waitress,
for god's sakes.

(thud)

Who are you going to meet?

Some eligible short-order cook?

(laughs)

No.

(knocking)

(knocking)

Oh, so, of course
you never fixed

the pipes like you promised.

That I've come to expect.

But this!

I can, um, this...

I can explain all of
this, and I'm going to.

I'll get on it right
away, Mr. Murray.

No.

"I'm gonna get on it"
is not good enough.

I want you and your daughter
out of this apartment today.

You're fired!

Fire, fired?

No, please, Mr. Murray...

What, you big jerk?

I wish you and
your entire family

would kiss my ass and
be my slaves forever.

What did you just say?

(hiss)

Oh, Master.

(short laugh)

[Burly] How long do you
think this spell will last?

It can't last long.

[Burly] 100 years?

At most.

Maybe only 50.

We'll just have to make
the most of our imprisonment.

And agree not to eat each other.

Absolutely, absolutely.

We'll do the hundred
years and maybe

if we're lucky we'll
only have to do

two-thirds of the spell
and get out early.

(doorbell buzzing)

(smooth orchestral music)

(gasps)

Oh.

I, there must be some mistake.

I do apologize.

I was looking for
Virginia's grandmother.

I am she.

That cannot be.

Her young sister, perhaps.

Her mother perhaps.

But her grandmother?

Pah!

You are a dazzling beauty.

Oh.

Well, I, I don't have my
makeup on or anything yet.

May I come in?

I have flowers.

Yeah, but who are you?

I am Virginia's suitor.

Her betrothed.

(kisses)

Betrothed?

She didn't say anything
about a fiance.

How like her, how modest.

Most girls would brag and
boast about dating the heir

to an enormous fortune,
but not Virginia.

Oh, well, do come in.

I'll, I'll just go
and get dressed.

Of course.

Get dressed.

(humming)

Okay, Wish Master.

Give me a never-ending
supply of beer.

Two?

You call that a wild
night where you come from?

Oh.

(adventurous instrumental music)

Oh!

Hey, oh, Murray, Murray!

Murray, you got to see this.

The refrigerator,
it just keeps go...

What are you doing?

I'm worried that they're
not clean enough, Master.

Shall I lick your shoes again?

Let me see your tongue.

All right, five more minutes.

How is your mother
coming with that door?

Oh, uh, almost
done now, Master.

Well, just hurry--

No, stop, no, no, no.

Once was enough.

Here, open this.

What shall I wish for next?

I wish...

I wish I had
something that would

clean this apartment
all by itself,

and I would never
have to lift a finger.

(whirring)

[Vacuum] Oh, here we go.

(gasps)

(laughing)

Here we go, clean, clean,
clean clean, clean...

Clean.

[Vacuum] Oh, gotta
get this cleaned up.

Oh, oh, look here.

Oh, there's dust
all over the floor.

Pick it up, pick
it up, pick it up.

Oh, here's some over here.

Here's some more, oh!

(muffled shrieking)

I am so bad.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Oh, still...

I suppose you would look
better surrounded by potatoes.

(giggles)

Where's the garlic?

The rosemary?

Oh, what do I have
to work with here?

Three-year-old dried herbs?

(growls)

Oh huff, you're not gonna
fit in the oven, are ya?

Not in one piece, anyway.

(upbeat orchestral music)

♪ Shepherdess

♪ Makes greatness

♪ The little lambs are lonely

♪ Shepherdess ♪

(gasps)

Oh, what am I doing?

I should untie you.

Oh, a poor old lady
frightened out of her wits.

I should untie you...

But first I'll put a dollop
of fat in the oven tray.

[Virginia] Grandmother?

Oh, oh, guests are up.

Breakfast isn't ready.

Grandmother?

[Wolf] In here, darling.

(knocking)

Grandmother?

[Wolf] In here, darling.

Good morning.

Do you want some coffee
or toast or something?

(whimpering)

What's wrong?

You got a cold?

(whimpers)

Grandma?

Surprise!

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

You're fantastic.

Your picture doesn't
do you justice.

Wow!

Oh, no.

How did this get here?

No, no, oh no.

Oh, no.

By the way, where is the dog?

Sleeping in if I know royalty.

Oh, you smell great.

I've had little teasers
of your scent before,

Virginia, but in the flesh, ah!

Perfumes are not for me, no.

I respond favorably to
the audacity of a woman

who flaunts her
own aroma, and you,

Virginia, you smell
like Sunday lunch.

(snarls)

You keep away from me.

Oh, beautiful eyes,
beautiful teeth.

All the right stuff in
all the right places.

No doubt about it, I am in love.

Mmm...

(glass shatters)

Oh, let me put your mind at rest.

Now that I've seen you eating
you is out of the question.

Not even on the menu.

Oh, now, I know this
is going to come out

of the blue but
how about a date?

We've started badly but I
take all the blame for that.

(snarls)

(thud)

Oh.

Come on, give us
a chance, please.

Ooh!

Oh, you are one dynamic lady.

There's no question there.

(slam)

(howling)

(thud)

(sighing)

(faint shrieking)

(shrieking)

Oh my god.

Grandmother!

[Vacuum] Out of my
way, out of my way.

Work, work, work.

No, no, no, no.

Okay, okay, fine, fine.

Thank you, that's enough, go.

Thank you, go do something else.

Mmm...

What, no, hey, hey,
get up, get up, get up.

Listen, you've already
kissed me three times today.

Let me kiss you again, Master.

No, go clean something.

You're ridiculous.

Master, oh, wonderful Master.

My wife has a surprise for you.

Oh, really?

Well, I'll take care of her.

You go get me a beer.

Yes, Master.

It's my husband's
Rolex Oyster.

Solid gold.

Are you sure it's not one
of those cheap imitations?

Oh, no, Master.

Whoa, oh!

(gasping)

I bought it for
my husband's 40th

birthday but you must have it.

All our possessions
are yours now.

Murray, I'm gonna
take your wife

out and buy her some underwear.

Of course, Master.

Help yourself.

Uh, Master.

I, um, I think there
might be someone

trapped in the elevator.

I can hear voices and banging.

Yes, well, I don't
know if you've noticed,

but I'm no longer Mr.
Fix-It, so why don't you get

your rich behind out
there and fix it yourself?

At once, Master.

(shattering)

I think we need
some spending money.

Um...

Wish Master, how about
a million dollars?

(doorbell rings)

(gasping excitedly)

(chuckles)

(laughing)

Oh, yes, I'm rich.

I'm rich, I'm rich!

Say hello to Benny.

(sputters)

Can I help you?

Oh, I hope so.

I'm very confused.

You must be Paul's referral.

He said you'd drop by
to make an appointment.

Can you tell me
what I'm doing here?

Let's get to know
each other a bit

before we tackle the
big questions, okay?

Yeah, big questions.

Now, I'm going
to give you a word

and I want you to
say the first word

that comes into your mind, okay?

Game, yeah.

Here we go, "home."

Cooking.

"Coward."

Chicken.

"Wedding."

Cake.

"Dead."

Meat.

"Sexual."

Appetite.

"Love."

(gasps)

To eat anything fluffy!

(grunts)

Sorry, sorry.

More than one word.

Start again.

(frantic instrumental music)

You know, Murray,
this is ridiculous.

No, stop.

Listen, I want everybody out
of here except your wife.

I had no idea you had
so many relatives.

Of course, Master.

[Vacuum] Clean,
clean, clean, clean.

You can go.

Be with you in
a moment, Murray.

Just got to pucker
up to the Master.

Uh, uh, don't pucker.

Hey, hey, cut that out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?

Stop.

[Vacuum] Clean it up,
clean it up, clean it up.

My curtain. Would you just..

Clean it up, clean
it up, clean it up.

Clean it up!

[Tony] Oh, jeez.

(shattering)

I said...

Stop!

Stop, stop!

(sirens wailing)

(shouting)

[Officer] Upstairs, cover the exit.
move it, move it!

I can't stop it, Master!

Thank you, thank you, Master.

All right, just take it.

I'm trying!

It's not gonna stop, Master.

Master, wait!

Come on.

Please, just, let's go.

(yelling)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Officer] Move, move!

Wait a minute, whoa!

What's the matter?

Spread 'em!

All right, what have I done?

Bingo, lookit here.

The money from the robbery.

Hey, hey. No, hold on a
second, no, no, no. Hold. Hey.

That just appeared
in front of my door.

I've been in my
apartment all day.

All these people can
vouch for me, right?

Yes, oh Master.

I've been here all day just
having a beer with friends.

(explosion)

You know, I think
you're still holding back.

(snorts)

What is really troubling you?

Okay, all right, all right.

Doc, I met this terrific
girl and I really,

really, really like her
but the thing is that...

Go on, say it.

Say it!

I'm not sure whether
I, I want to love her,

or eat her.

(growls)

- Oh.
- Oh.

Of course, I blame my parents.

They were both enormous.

They couldn't stop eating.

Every day I came
home from school

it was, "eat this,
eat that, eat her!"

You shouldn't punish yourself.

Oh, I should, I should.

I'm bad, I'm so bad.

I've done so many bad things!

But that wasn't me, you see?

That was when I was a wolf.

Doc, I wanna change.

I want to be a good person.

Oh, can't the lion
cuddle up with the lamb?

Can't the leopard rub
out all its spots?

This is the exact
spot where I found you

so this is really where we have

to go our separate ways, okay?

- (barks)
- (sighs)

(barks)

Look, I'm not the
adventure type, you know?

I mean, I'm a waitress.

This just really...

This isn't my thing.

Whoever these people
are who want you,

they can have you.

(barking)

No, I got to go.

Goodbye, I gotta go.

(whines)

Here is the reading list
I strongly recommend now.

Okay.

Why don't you come back
and see me next week?

Oh, but you don't understand.

I won't be here next week.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

You're not going to
intimidate me with suicide.

That's better.

Okay.

If you cooperate and give us

the dealer's name, maybe I'll
put in a good word for you.

Dealer, what dealer?

I'm not taking drugs.

Yeah, right.

You don't remember
stealing the money

because you were
under the influence

of these magic mushrooms, right?

Magic mushrooms?

No, I didn't take...

Well, I swallowed
the bean, but I didn't...

I almost fixed the
elevator now, Master.

We will break the
spell, trust me.

I trust you.

I trust you more.

No, I trust you more.

Yeah.

I trust her more.

I trust her!

I always trusted her!

Suck an elf!

(yelling)

(slamming)

[Burly] We're moving.

We're going down.

Is that good or bad?

We are about to
enter the underworld.

Prepare yourselves.

(ding)

(yelling)

This isn't the
underworld, you idiot.

This is where we came in.

Magic, indeed.

How did she do that?

Ah, suck an elf.

(gasps)

Sheep, sometimes I like sheep.

Ooh!

Excuse me, I need
everything on this list

and anything else you might
think is useful, please, Miss?

(gasps)

Thank you very much.

And if my plan is
successful I will

certainly invite
you to the wedding.

That's mine, that's mine, too.

[Tony] Hey, hey, couldn't
we come to some kind of deal?

You know what?

I can give you
anything you wanted.

Anything whatever, I'm serious.

A house in the Hamptons,
boats, cars, women.

Whatever you want.

It won't make it any
better trying to bribe us.

(suspenseful instrumental music)

Well, what have I got to lose?

I wish I could escape from
this police car right now.

(chuckling)

Wes, the brakes are failing.

(honking)

No!

"How to Marry the
Girl of Your Dreams."

That's exactly what
I'm looking for.

Oh, my god.

(crashing)

(slam)

Stupid idiot.

Stop that man right now!

He's getting away.

Hey, pal.

Thank you, thank you.

No, wait, you
haven't paid for those!

(barking)

Look, I cannot take you
back to where you came from

because I don't know
where you came from.

No, look, this
really is it, okay?

Good luck.

[Tony] Sorry. I didn't do it!

Dad?

[Tony] Ah, Virginia.

Dad!

You won't believe
what's happened to me.

Don't bet on it.

Come on.

Fan out, you guys, fan out!

Is that the dog
that guy wants?

Why don't you just
give it to him?

Dad, I don't
think he is a dog.

He's trying to say something,
talk to me or something,

but I can't understand
what he's saying.

Trying to talk?

Yeah, I don't know.

All right, you watch this.

I wish that I could understand

everything this dog is saying.

What?

[Wendell] You're
in terrible danger.

Both of you.

It worked, it worked.

[Wendell] If you
value your life,

you have to do exactly as I say.

Listen, shh, what?

[Wendell] We have
to find the way back.

He's talking, he's
talking, can't you hear him?

No.

[Voiceover] Keep alert.

- Come here.
- What?

(yelling)

Why are all these
cops after you?

And why are you
wearing handcuffs?

They think I did a bank job.

What?

I'll explain later.

[Wendell] Would you
two stop rabbiting

and help me find the mirror?

Now, it's a mirror
but it may not look

like a mirror from
the other side.

You have to look
very, very carefully.

We're looking
for a magic mirror.

Yeah, of course we are.

(barking)

[Wendell] Just
look for a piece

of forest that doesn't fit.

I'm sure this is where...

- Look.
- I dont..what?

There it is.

That's weird.

There they are!

If you value your
lives, follow me.

Uh, uh, come on.

(gasping)

Where the hell are we?

I don't know but I'm pretty
sure it's not Central Park.

[Wendell] Follow me.

The dog said follow him.

[Wendell] Hurry up.

(whimsical orchestral music)

What happened to everybody?

[Wendell] Well, the same thing

that happened to you, old chap.

Troll dust.

It looks like it's
starting to wear off.

Is that dog talking again?

Come on, come on.

So, what shall we do when
we have our own kingdom?

Ah, I know, I know.

We'll have servants,
thousands and thousands

of servants to polish our shoes.

Dad, let's go home.

What? No, I can't go back yet.

Police are all over Central
Park looking for me.

Well, we can't stay here.

[Wendell] Shh, I
can smell the trolls.

He says he can smell trolls.

We'll have footwear
parties where you

have to change shoes
six times an hour.

And anyone found
having dirty shoes

will have their face sewn up.

(laughing)

[Wendell] Come
along, then, follow me.

Whoa, no, hold on a second.

I'm not going to follow you.

Where are we?

[Wendell] Ugh.

We're in the southernmost
part of my kingdom,

where I was attacked by my
stepmother and turned into a dog.

This is the Snow White Memorial

Prison, housing
the most dangerous

criminals in all
the nine kingdoms.

All right, back
up, the nine what?

[Wendell] Kingdoms.

I am Prince Wendell, grandson
of the late Snow White

and soon-to-be-crowned
king of the fourth kingdom.

And who might you be?

I'm Tony Lewis, janitor.

I think you already know
my daughter Virginia.

The "Troll Kingdom."

"Red Riding Hood Forest," wow.

Wait, hold on a second.

So what is this?

It's Cinderella, Sleeping
Beauty fairy tale stuff?

(sighs)

[Wendell] Well, the
golden age was almost

200 years ago when the
ladies you refer to

had their great
moments in history.

Things have gone downhill
a bit since then.

"Happy ever after" didn't
last as long as we'd hoped.

All the rulers of
the other kingdoms

are due to attend my coronation.

Some will have to
travel great distances.

The kingdoms are vast.

No one crosses the borders
except on special occasions.

Who was the stepmother
who turned you into a dog?

[Wendell] She is the most
dangerous and evil woman alive.

Sounds like my mother-in-law.

[Wendell] Look, we can't
sit around talking all day.

We must find my
stepmother's cell.

This way.

Virginia, he said follow him.

Come on, come on.

(powers down)

[Wendell] Look.

There's a dog bowl down here.

That's the dog
that's got my body.

Oh, it's outrageous.

What did she do, this woman?

She poisoned my
mother and father.

Tried to kill me, as well.

Basically, poisoned
his mom and dad

and tried to kill him, too.

Virginia, are you all right?

I, I feel weird being in here.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm just going to
wait outside for a minute.

[Wendell] Trolls
have been here.

Okay, just don't
go too far, okay?

Stay outside the door.

(laughs)

Virginia!

Virginia!

Prince, Prince, Prince.

[Wendell] I wasn't scared.

It's just that people mustn't
see me as a dog, Antony.

It's deeply, deeply
embarrassing.

I could care less
about you being a dog.

Virginia, Virginia!

Where are they?

I never should have trusted
trolls to do anything.

Be careful what you say.

I'm the only reason you got out

of prison in the first place.

Of course, Your
Majesty, and for that

I'm eternally grateful but I
can't stay here any longer.

No one must see the
Prince like this.

(barking)

Have your children bring the
dog to me when they return.

I am not your lackey.

I am Relish, the Troll King.

And you will do well to remember it.

Of course, Your Majesty.

And I will reward you
handsomely with half

of Wendell's kingdom
as I promised.

Just exactly when do I get it?

Soon.

But now I must go.

I have stayed too long already.

(panting)

Oh, get in the carriage.

Where are you going?

There's nowhere you can hide.

When they find
out you've escaped

there will be
roadblocks everywhere.

They'll search every house
and carriage in the kingdom.

Not every carriage.

(sweeping orchestral music)

Shouldn't we go
back for the dog?

No, we can't.

The troll dust will
be wearing off.

(ringing)

Wait a minute, do you hear that?

They're all waking up.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, the Queen
will be very angry.

Aw, the Queen can suck
an elf for all I care.

We've captured the witch
from the 10th kingdom.

Let's go tell Dad.

But what about
the witch's father?

Perhaps he's a great warlock.

Oh, he's handcuffed.

A great idiot, more likely.

(laughs)

I wish I could be
there when the governor

finds him in the Queen's cell.

(laughs)

I don't...what are you doing?

I've gotta find...

It was some kind of spell.

Me and the lads been
laid up for over a day.

I've searched every
inch of the prison

but the Queen's gone, sir.

I have been the governor
of this prison for 12 years.

No prisoner has
ever escaped before.

That's a very
impressive record.

[Wendell] Whatever
you do, Antony,

don't tell him I'm a dog.

Why not?

Speak when you're spoken to.

[Wendell] Because the Queen
has got some terrible plan.

My whole kingdom
may be in jeopardy.

No one must know I'm helpless.

All right.

Where is the Queen?

I wish I was home.

I wish Virginia and I were back

in our apartment
in New York now.

Well, it seems you're not.

(coughing)

(gagging)

(gagging)

(spits)

(soft boinging)

[Wendell] Oh, no, Antony.

You didn't swallow a dragon
dung bean, you moron.

I guess that means I've
had all my wishes, huh?

How did the Queen escape?

I'm telling you,
I have no idea.

Then why were you found
locked in her empty cell?

I am an innocent victim.

I have never been in trouble
with the police my entire life.

Then why are you
wearing handcuffs?

Well, because I'm
wanted for armed robbery

which I didn't have
anything to do with either.

[Wendell] Oh,
carry on, Antony.

You're doing
spectacularly well so far.

Look, look, I'm from
a different dimension.

I came here from a
different dimension

led by that dog, who is
actually Prince Wendell.

[Wendell] Oh, I told
you not to say that.

Prince Wendell?

Look, I can make you break rocks

with your teeth for 100 years.

(clinking)

I'm telling you,
it's the truth.

That is the Queen's dog.

She has been
permitted to keep him

in her cell for three years.

Don't insult my intelligence.

I'm not, I'm telling
you, it's the tru--

All right, fine, I'll prove it.

Bark once if I'm
telling the truth.

[Wendell] I have no
intention of barking, Antony.

He is being just stubborn.

Listen, you have to
let me go immediately.

I think my daughter
was abducted by trolls.

(slap)

That's enough.

I'll get the truth out
of you soon enough.

Warder, remove his handcuffs.

Issue him with prison
uniform and put him in,

uh, yes, put him
in 103 with Acorn

the dwarf and Clay
Face the goblin.

Clay Face the goblin?

I don't want to be put in
any room with Clay Face...

No!

Where's my daughter?

What about the
Queen's dog, sir?

Get the furnace going.

I'll slip some rat poison
in his dinner tonight,

and we'll chuck him in
the incinerator tomorrow.

[Wendell] Did you hear that?

Antony, did you hear that?

You have to get me out.

It's your duty.

(discordant tribal music)

Get her in the boat.

Get her in there.

Hey, that's my boat.

It's ours now.

(Punch)

Now, let's get out of here.

(yelling)

Sit down and steer.

(yelling)

[Jailor] Middle bunk.

(soft snoring)

[Acorn] So, what
are you in for?

Um, actually, a pretty
serious bank robbery.

Couple of people got hurt
but that's the way it goes.

And you?

Aggravated assault.

I'm very easily aggravated.

I'm Acorn.

Got any metal on ya?

Knives, forks?

Coat hangers?

Sorry.

If you get stabbed...

Save the knife
for me, won't you?

Of course.

[Clay Face] Do
you like carving?

Well, not flesh or anything.

[Clay Face] Look
what I'm doing.

Ah.

You've got real talent.

My name's Clay
Face, the goblin.

Tony.

What are you in for?

Carving.

Will you be my friend?

What exactly does that entail?

[Bluebell] Row!

[Blabberwort] Fake stroke
one more time and

I'm going to let you have it.

Keep rowing.

I'm rowing.

(fastpaced tribal music)

(light cheerful music)

Any minute now.

I'm sure Prince
Wendell will arrive

to receive the coronation throne

which our craftsmen
have tirelessly

spent the last two years making.

He's not coming, is he?

Of course he is.

Have no worry.

I'm sure he's been delayed
for a very good reason.

Horrible news.

There's been a breakout
from the prison.

The Queen has escaped.

The Queen?

The Queen.

Put up the roadblocks.

She must be caught
or we're doomed.

Oh, hey, wonderful news!

Wonderful news.

Prince Wendell is coming.

Thank goodness.

He'll know what to do.

(epic orchestral music)

(cheering)

Welcome to Beantown,
Your Majesty.

[Wendell] Psst, Antony.

Over here.

Behind the governor's door.

[Tony] How did
you know it was me?

[Wendell] You have a
distinctive unwashed smell.

What are you doing?

I'm scrubbing the floor.

What do you think I'm doing?

[Wendell] Have
you got a soap bar?

Well, yes. What, do you want
me to wash you?

[Wendell] No, just stay there.

Don't go away.

Prince...

[Wendell] This is the
governor's master key.

Make an impression in the soap.

He'll be back any moment.

Here.

Very stubborn stain, sir.

(ominous instrumental music)

(caws)

(howling roar)

[Bluebell] I think
she's waking up.

Good morning.

(laughing)

[Burly] Get someone over here.

[Prisoners] We promise
to serve Prince Wendell,

kind and brave monarch
of The Fourth Kingdom,

and pledge to mend
our naughty ways

so that we may all live
happily ever after.

(grumbling)

What is this stuff?

Baked beanstalk.

Baked beans?

Beanstalk.

(gags)

My god!

I can't eat that.

It tastes like an old mattress.

No, it doesn't.

Old mattress has a
sweaty, meaty taste.

And how often is
this on the menu?

Three times a day.

That's beanstalk juice.

Takes a bit of gettin' used to.

(gags)

Listen, um...

Let's say I wanted
to talk to somebody

and I wanted to get
something, made.

For instance, for
the sake of argument,

a small piece of metal.

Who would I have to talk to?

I mean, who's Mr.
Big around here?

- If you want anything
bought, sold, borrowed,

or made in here, you have
to see the Tooth Fairy.

Uh, the who?

The prison dentist.

Ah.

Uh, and how would
I get to see him?

Oh, um, that's easy.

Oh, yeah?

(punch)
(yells)

(knocking)

Oh, oh, that's no good.

They'll all have to come out.

What do you mean, "come out?"

You haven't even
looked in my mouth yet.

Sit down.

I, I...

Come on.

There, that's it.

(chuckles)

There.

Would you like some candy?

What? You're a dentist.

You shouldn't be
giving people candy.

Why not?

Well, because it rots teeth.

Ah, rubbish.

Well, of course it does.

Well, excuse me.

Who is the tooth
extractor here, eh?

You or me?

- Well, I..I
- I'm just gonna...

What are you doing?

I'm just putting
the straps on.

Straps, what do
we need straps for?

Yeah, the straps of comfort.

Tooth decay is caused
by three things.

Number one, poor diet.

Number two, not
brushing properly.

And number three...

Bad fairies.

(groans softly)

(chuckles dementedly)

You know, I, I
think I could, um--

Ah, just let...

Ah! What?

Does that, does that hurt?

Ow, ah!

Uh huh.

Good.

How about this?

Whoa, no.

Wait a minute...

(groans sharply)

No, no!

Ah, loose teeth.

I thought so.

Oh...

Don't you worry.

We have a bag of
magic teeth here.

You can't...

I came to you for help.

Help?

Yeah, I...

I've got to get a, a
key made out of this.

What's it worth?

Uh...

Oh, oh, look, look.

See that?

Oh...

Ow!

This...

ls a hand-worn clock.

The little hands
go around, and it

tells the time very intricately.

I...

(loud ticking)

We call them watches.

Ah, but this is a Rolex.

Solid gold.

Ah.

Yeah, well, as long as it's not

one of those cheap imitations.

Oh, aw, hey!

(chatting)

Hey, what?

Hey, look.

Prince Wendell's carriage.

Raise the barrier.

Your Majesty.

(barking)

Do you mean to
say he just drove

right through Beantown
without stopping?

That was on Wednesday,
Lord Chancellor,

and he hasn't been seen since.

The throne makers are furious.

They're threatening to
boycott the coronation.

It's so unlike the Prince not
to send word of where he is.

Perhaps it's just, uh...

Coronation nerves.

I'm sure he'll turn up soon.

Let us not forget that the
Evil Queen is now at large.

Where is Wendell?

Where is he in his kingdom's
greatest hour of need?

Things look very bad indeed.

Terrible.

Quite awful!

Still...

I expect it'll all turn
out happy ever after.

Oh, yes.

Now, to the real crisis.

There is a shortage of bluebells
throughout the kingdom.

My color scheme for
the coronation banquet

will have to be
completely rethought.

[Burly] She's awake.

Strip her.

(moans softly)

(yells)

Oh my god.

You're a captive of
the merciless trolls now.

The merciless!

Without mercy.

Ah!

Pretty little feet.

Nicey nice.

Who runs your kingdom?

My kingdom?

Who's in charge?

Ah, the president!

Wendell was trying
to rally an army

from your kingdom to attack us.

Wasn't he?

No.

(yells)

This could be a
long torture session.

I'll tell you anything
you want to know.

Torture first, then you talk.

It's better that way.

Rush a torture, ruin a torture.

(chuckling)

(creaking)

Dad's here.

Dad?

Why don't you take
off the shoes?

[Relish] In these
shoes I am all-powerful.

I can rule the world.

[Burly] Come on, Dad.

Just slip 'em off.

Dad!

Where have you been?

You're a day late.

Uh, well...

He, he...

Who's this?

Supposed to bring back the dog.

Oh, forget the dog, Dad.

We've discovered
another kingdom.

The mythical 10th kingdom.

Talked of only in myth.

Don't talk rubbish.

There is no 10th kingdom.

Oh, but there
is, and this witch

put us in a box of matches.

You were captured?

By this, girl?

She's a witch.

How many of their
soldiers did you

kill before you were captured?

None.

None survived.

Who wants to be whipped first?

It's true.

Look at this.

♪ Gimme that night fever

♪ We know how to show it ♪

They are called
the Brothers Gibb.

And the song, it
concerns a deadly fever

that only strikes on Saturdays.

There's more to all this

than the Queen is telling me.

(adventurous instrumental music)

Prince, I've got the key.

[Wendell] Oh, brilliant.

The governor's in the kitchen

making me another poison dinner.

Quick, use it now.

Open the door.

There are spare
uniforms in here.

You can put one on and,

just march me
out of the prison.

Oh, come on, hurry up.

Shh, somethings
wrong with the key.

It's not turning.

Must be a...

You must really love pain.

What?

Oh, no, no, no, no,
you don't understand.

I, I was just coming down
the hall and I tripped

on the loose brick,
and I fell and I found

myself right here in front of
your door and I found this.

Did you lose one?

Take him downstairs and
give him 50 beanstalk lashes.

Right now.

No, no, you know,
that's not necessary.

I was coming by to ask you,
do you have a laundry here?

[Wendell] Oh, dear.

Sorry about that, Antony.

[Tony] No, listen, I don't...

Here boy.

Here, boy.

[Tony] You're hurting me.

Here you are, doggy.

There.

That should give you
a nice, long sleep.

(whip cracks)
(yells)

(whip cracks)
(yells)

(whip cracks)
(yells)

(whip cracks)
(yells)

(whip cracks)
(yells)

(whip cracks)

[Tony] Ouch!

You will dance for me
and when you've finished dancing

you'll tell me how
to invade your kingdom.

Uh, you know, I'm not,

I'm not much of
a dancer, really.

Actually.

You'll dance when
you wear these.

(sizzling)

Wake me when they turn red.

(creaking)

(sniffs)

Conceal the coach then
prepare a room for the Prince.

Welcome home.

We have missed
you, Your Majesty.

(soft ominous music)

(door closes)

[Dog] Who's that?

She was the stepmother
who poisoned Snow White

with the apple all
those years ago.

She was once the
most powerful woman

in all the nine kingdoms

and this was but one of her five castles.

What happened to her?

When she was finally caught,

they heated a pair of iron slippers
over red-hot coals

and made her dance at
Snow White's wedding.

She crawled out into the snow,

dragging her raw, blistered, useless feet
into a swamp nearby.

This broken woman

was once the fairest of them all,

but she kept her magic mirrors

and searched for a successor

and that, of course, was me.

I will finish her work

and destroy the
House of White forever,

and pity the fool who tries
to stand up to me!

(epic orchestral music)

("Wishing on a Star"
by Anne Dudley)

♪ I'm wishing on a star

♪ To follow where you are

♪ I'm wishing on a dream

♪ To follow what it means

♪ And I wish on all the rainbows

♪ That I've seen

♪ I wish on all the people

♪ Who really dream

♪ I'm wishing on a star ♪