All language subtitles for bobs.burgers.s12e03.1080p.web.h264-cakes

- Oh, my God.
- So, we smashed

- all the pumpkins...
- Yep.

- In the pumpkin contest.
- Yep.

And Principal Rosenthal

is supposed to announce
the winner tomorrow.

We have to promise each
other to never speak of this again.

We'll never speak of this again.

Wait, what was that?

I don't know. Let's
get out of here.

Ugh, Gayle, what was
that on your finger?

- It smells terrible.
- How do you know it isn't your finger?

Oh, yeah. It's me.

♪ Goblins, ghouls and ghosts ♪

♪ And bears,
why'd I say bears? ♪

♪ I don't know, they're scary ♪

♪ It's Halloween. ♪ Aah!

Oh, Mike. Ooh, are you dressed
as a mailman for Halloween?

Just kidding. Ha!

That's very funny.
Here's your mail.

- And here's some candy.
- I think those are cough drops.

Nah, they taste
like cough drops,

but they're technically candy.

They're very good,
Mike. Try one.

I think I'll just wait until I
can eat real candy. Bye.

- Hey, kids.
- Hi, Mr. Mailman.

- I mean, Mr. Mike.
- Costume parade.

Wow. You kids look great.

I'm a Grad-iator, a gladiator
who just got his master's.

Ooh, smart and historical.

Tina, let me guess. You're a...

- dinosaur.
- Nice try.

I'm the Sherlock-ness Monster.

I'm a mystery who
solves mysteries.

Oh, I love it. Louise,
uh, what about you?

I'm Peter Pan's Labyrinth.

That's terrifying.

- What? This?
- Linda, make her stop.

Louise, stop
scaring your father.

- No.
- Hey, you kids put your costumes on

a little early this
year, didn't you?

You're gonna help out down here

before you go
trick-or-treating, right?

We put 'em on early
so they can stretch out.

Each of us is gonna
go up a size tonight.

All right, well,
start wiping menus

and keep an eye
out for any little kids

that are
trick-or-treating early.

Ugh. Not looking
forward to seeing

the sad looks
in their little eyes

when I give them Dad's
quote, unquote "candy."

That candy is sophisticated,

and some people
just don't get it.

It tastes like old leaves.

Yeah. That's what
they were going for.

Oh, quick thing. Your Aunt
Gayle is gonna be here any minute.

Do not say how
good my hair looks.

Even though I just had it
done and it looks amazing.

Let's just tamp down
the compliments, okay?

That's gonna be hard,
Mom. You look...

Why are we tamping again?

It's just, Gayle's
doing so well lately

and I don't want to
mess with that, you know?

Did you know she's
working with a life coach?

Is that someone who coaches
her to be better at that board game?

- I don't think so.
- Wait,

we're not paying for
this life coach, are we?

I think the first two
sessions are free.

So she just has to fix
her life in two sessions.

I don't think Aunt Gayle
is a two-session lady.

Shush, shush, shush,
here she comes.

- Hey, Gayle.
- Hi, kids.

Linda, I need to speak
with you in private.

My world is crumbling around me!

Yeah, I think she's
in a good place.

Bob, we need the kitchen.

- Little sister talk.
- Okay.

Uh, I was just wiping stuff,
but I can go wipe other stuff.

So, what is going on, Gayle?

I got a strange letter
in the mail today. Look.

"Pumpkin smasher!"

Yeah, Linda.

Because of what we did

27 years ago.

But it's crazy. I mean,
maybe it's just a flyer

for a Smashing Pumpkins concert.

I already considered that.

But I looked it up and
they're in Italy this week

playing the pope's birthday.

Okay, maybe you're right.

Maybe this is about that day.

But who would send this?

I don't know. What do
we do? What do we do?

Let me get you some lunch.
I think you're just hoopy.

That's my expression for
hungry and loopy. Hoopy.

Bob, Gayle needs a
burger. She's hoopy.

So go back in the kitchen.

We didn't try to listen
through the pass-through at all.

But if we had, we would've
had trouble hearing.

Could you talk louder next time?

All right, sit here.
Relax. Breathe.

Not like that.

No. Linda, your mail.

Look! That's the
same envelope I got.

Wait, what? That's
weird.

Is it a letter from
Hugh Jackman?

Uh, yeah. It's just, uh...

- It's just Hugh Jackman. That's right.
- Nice.

Uh, Gayle. Uh, kitchen.

Bob, sorry. We
need the room. Again.

Uh, okay. Uh, flip
this in a minute.

Yeah. Yeah, I got it. Yeah.

Sounds like you're
not gonna do it. It's fine.

"Pumpkin smasher!"

Who the hell is sending these?

That's what I was saying.

I know. Gayle, let me think.

Talk louder.

- Kids, shoo!
- Ugh, fine.

Bob, hold the kids down.

- Did you flip the burger?
- Yep.

Yep, so much.

Okay, something's going on.

Someone's messing with us.

- We need to go back home.
- What? Why?

Because we need to find
out who's messing with us.

I say we ignore 'em.
Throw 'em away.

Take that, letter.

My life coach, Dane Kang,

says you have to
confront your past.

So you can either hide
your head in your butt

or you can come with me
and we face this together.

Also, my license is suspended
'cause I let my cat drive.

Little bit. So I need a ride.

Uh, all right. Uh,
let me talk to Bob.

Bob, do you remember that
terrible secret I told you about

that Gayle and I
did in high school?

When you pooped
in the convertible?

No, different secret. Worse.

- The pumpkin contest thing?
- Yeah.

Yeah. I-I think the convertible
thing was worse, but...

- Look at this.
- Whoa. That's weird.

Gayle got one, too. She
wants to go back home

and figure out who
sent 'em, and I think

- I have to go with her.
- No, you don't.

I'll be back before the
kids leave to trick-or-treat.

Oh, God. I thought
it would be fun

to be in one of these
secret meetings,

- but it's not.
- Now kiss me

- like it's the last time you'll see me.
- Wait, what?

No, nothing. Just
kiss me regular.

- Sick!
- I didn't even know you were dating.

I'll be back. Maybe. Probably.

Uh, everything's
fine. Love you. Bye.

Gayle, what are you doing here?

- Did you follow me?
- I always follow you.

You should turn around more
often. Why'd you come here?

I, uh... I just wanted to give
my pumpkin some eyebrows

so he can make more expressions.

Yeah, that's a good point.
But you're not allowed

to change it the night
before the contest.

It's not fair for the rest of us

- and my pumpkin, Mr. Face Holes, over here.
- I know.

I was just embarrassed
by how bad mine was

compared to your...
Whoa! Wh-Whoa! Aah!

- Oh, my God. Linda!
- Whoops.

I'm such a klutzo-buttso.

All right, let's
just clean this up

- and get out of here.
- Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!

Gayle, no! No, no! Oh, my God.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

I broke my fall with my
wrists like you're supposed to.

Oh, this is bad, Gayle.

You smashed one, too.

Yeah, but that was mine.

You smashed someone else's.

How the heck are
we gonna explain this?

Oh, God, you're right.
What are we gonna do?

We got to tell somebody.
It's not our faul...

Oh, whoa!

Why did they put
these stupid pumpkins

so close to the
edge of the table?

So, now we have to tell someone

- that we smashed three pumpkins.
- Or...

we push over the whole
thing, smash all the pumpkins,

pull out a screw in the table,
make it look like an accident

and slip out of here
without anybody seeing us.

- Are you serious?
- Linda, we could get in big trouble.

It would send us
down a dark path in life.

You in jail, me on the run
with an endless list of lovers.

- Gayle.
- Sorry.

Okay, let's do it. Oh,
you're already doing it. Okay.

Goodbye, Mr. Face Holes.

So, let me get this straight.

Mom and Aunt Gayle
just disappeared

on a mysterious mission?

She just has to tend

to a little business
in Hunkawtaway.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Tend
to a little business, yeah.

That doesn't sound shady at all.

Is Mom a Breaking Bad?

No. She's just supporting
your Aunt Gayle.

Are Mom and Aunt Gayle
getting new boobs together?

Or switching boobs?

Like Face/Off but Boob/Off?

- Mm... no.
- Trick or treat.

Oh, we got our
first trick-or-treater.

Hi, there. Happy Halloween.

Here you go. Uh,
take a few of these.

Um, do you have
anything different?

- These are actually pretty good.
- Eh.

J-Just try one.
You-you might like it.

He doesn't want one, sir.
Come on, buddy. Let's go.

How does he know
he doesn't want it?

He never tried one.

- Trick or treat.
- Don't go here.

Bye.

Wait, no. Oh, my God.

We're officially a
"don't go there" place.

You live by the
weird, old candy,

you die by the weird, old candy.

All right, we're
closing for a little bit.

I'm gonna go buy
different candy.

Stay here. Lock
the door behind me.

You sweep, you dustpan,

you, um, make sure
they sweep and dustpan.

You know we're not gonna
do any of that stuff, right?

I know, I know.
Just pretend, please.

- I'm pretending we're done.
- Mm.

Okay. "Who sent us those
letters?" brainstorm. Go.

It has to be somebody
who saw us that night.

But who? We were so careful.

I mean, were we? Wait a minute.

What about Marty
Deblusio-Klein? Remember?

We bumped into him
on our way out of school.

That's right.

He came back
because he forgot his trumpet.

We told him we were doing
marijuanas under the bleachers.

- It was the perfect alibi.
- Or maybe

it wasn't. Maybe
he was suspicious.

Hmm. Maybe we should
pay Marty Deblusio-Klein

a little visit, see if he
sent us those letters.

I heard he's living at
his mom's old house.

Because he murdered her?

No. She moved to Florida.

Because she murdered someone?

No. Not everyone
murders someone, Gayle.

That's not true.

What is happening?

We're exhausted
from watching the restaurant.

How does it somehow
look worse in here?

We actually did sweep a
little, but then we played in it.

We're taking a dirt nap.

All right, so, I think I did
pretty good candy-wise.

We want to trust you, Dad,

but we don't want
to get hurt again.

Are you sure it's
candy and not vitamins?

I don't know. Why
don't you guys tell me.

- Sour Sack Babies?
- Yeah, that's right.

I asked a kid in the store
what the best candy was.

His dad was concerned,

but they both agreed
these were a huge get.

I can't believe these
weren't sold out.

Believe it, baby. I
found these three bags

shoved back behind
some candy corn.

Ugh. Now we have to give
these out to other people.

It's not right.

Tina, don't make that
sound. Look, how about this:

whatever's left at
the end of the night,

you kids can keep
for yourselves.

- Deal. -Yay!
- There he is.

Whoa!

Uh, okay. Uh,
take it easy, Louise.

Give me some. I want
to rub them on my face.

- Tina, stop.
- Don't worry.

We're gonna get
you out of there.

Oh, my God.

Wow, the house
hasn't changed a bit.

They still have the cute
little bars on the windows.

Wait, what are we
gonna say to him?

Don't worry, Linda. I've been
working on talking to humans

with my life coach, Dane Kang.

Happy Halloween.

You didn't think we'd come here,

- did you, Marty?
- Aah!

You messed with
the wrong sisters.

Wait, Gayle? From
high school? Linda?

Hi, Marty.

What is happening?

You know what's happening.

This is about the
pumpkin carving contest.

What pumpkin carving contest?

Uh, you know, the
one from 27 years ago?

When we were in high school?

Wait, you mean the
one that got canceled?

Aha! Suddenly Mr. "I
Don't Know Anything

About Pumpkin Carving Contests"

knows a lot about a certain
pumpkin carving contest.

So, you think I'm the one
who smashed all the pumpkins?

And you waited 27 years
to confront me about it?

I didn't do it, I promise.

We know you didn't. But
you did write some letters,

and we'd like to look at
your marker collection.

Gayle, I'm starting to think

that Marty didn't
write the letters.

- What letters?
- Eh, maybe you're right.

You know, I always
thought it was Scary Terry

who smashed all those pumpkins.

Huh. Why would you think that?

I mean, it's Scary Terry.

And I heard she
entered the contest,

so, you know, maybe she thought

she wasn't gonna win,
so she smashed 'em all.

Maybe she's the
one who sent the letters.

Do you know where
Scary Terry lives?

I don't know where she lives,
but I know where she works.

She's a pet groomer down
at To Groom It May Concern.

- We're out of here.
- Aw, so nice to catch up with you, Marty.

I'm so glad we stopped
by. Love your costume.

You're a great Smurf!

I really hope Scary
Terry's not the one sending

- those notes.
- I know.

Remember when
she ate that spider?

- Remember when she set that bus stop on fire?
- Yeah.

Oh, boy. This is it.

Huh. Doesn't look
like they're open.

- Nobody's in there.
- Wait, look. There's a dog in there.

Or some kind of big squirrel?

- I don't know. I'm a cat person.
- That's creepy.

It's just sitting
there. By itself.

I guess they are
open. Should we go in?

Hello?

Oh, hello.

Aah! -Aah!

Oh, it is a dog.

- Hi, Terry.
- Linda? Gayle?

- Yeah. Yeah, it's us.
- Surprise.

What are you doing here?

And why are you
backing away from me?

Uh, we're here 'cause, uh...

- our car broke down.
- I have a UTI!

- What?
- Yeah, we were driving and then our car broke down

and then Gayle's pee was
burning. Bad. Unrelated.

So, we called a tow truck
and came in here to wait.

Anyway, what a surprise.

You're here.

Well, it's a real treat
to see both of you.

Like "trick or treat"?

I get it.

I like this.

I better finish up
with Jasper here.

Do you two want to
sit? We have chairs.

I'd offer you something to eat,
but we only have dog treats.

- I'll try a dog treat.
- Gayle, no.

Uh, how long you been
grooming pooches?

Long enough to do this.

- Aah!
- Oh!

That's a fun trick

that you shouldn't do again.

I cut people hair, too.

Not officially. But I'll
give you a great rate.

Gayle, you look like you
could use a little touch-up.

- Or Linda?
- No. More you.

She seems like
she just got a haircut.

- It looks great.
- Nope. Looks terrible. Awful.

Uh, but we're fine.
We don't-we don't...

we don't want to
take up your time.

They're scared.

No, we're not scared.

You know what? On
the house. Gayle, come.

Come. Come, come.

Good girl.

Oh, Gayle.

Leave the bangs.

Happy Halloween.

I don't want to get
ahead of ourselves,

but I think we might be turning
into a "do go there" place.

Ugh. We need to slow this down

if we're gonna
have any left for us.

Or we just go
trick-or-treating ourselves?

No. Later for that.

Right now, we need to
stay here and figure out

how to protect these poor,
innocent Sour Sack Babies

from these horrible
actual babies.

Should we just give them cash?

Dang it. Here comes another
one. What's their problem?

Trick or treat.

Welcome. Hope
you like great candy,

'cause we have Sour Sack Babies.

- Yeah, I know.
- You know? -

- Trick or treat.
- Trick or treat. -Hey, there.

Hang on. Just taking
care of grim reaper here.

Here you go.

- Trick or treat.
- Oh, my God.

You got to be
freaking kidding me!

They're like ants.

- Gimme, gimme, gimme!
- I want one!

O-Okay, here. Everybody,
please, just wait your turn.

Do you have tropical
Sour Sack Babies?

- What?
- Tropical. Sour. Sack. Babies.

No. We have this kind.

Y-You've done
Halloween before, right?

Wait, grim reaper?

Y-You just took some.

- Thanks. Bye.
- Trick or treat.

Aah! Make it stop!

Good girl. You're doing great.

Yes, you are.

You know, it's kind of funny

that we're all together,
hanging out on Halloween.

- What do you mean?
- Well,

we were all in that
pumpkin contest

that got canceled
back in high school.

Oh, yeah. That was a shame.

You know, some people think

that someone smashed all
the pumpkins on purpose.

What? Who would
do something like that?

Oh, I'm sure they
had a good reason.

But if you knew who it
was, what would you do?

Maybe send weird
letters to them?

Something worse?

Don't worry.

Your daddy's coming soon.

You guys know Mr. Rosenthal.

Mr. Rosenthal? Our
principal from high school?

Yeah. This is his dog. He's
on his way to pick him up.

I'm sure he'd love to see you.

FYI, he's older
now. It's noticeable.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, that'd
be nice to see him.

- Linda got older, too.
- You know what?

Can I go get some product?
It's for wirehaired terriers,

but your hair has
the same texture.

Okay.

- Aah!
- Dog toy.

Gayle, we got
to get out of here.

What? No. We got to figure
out if Terry sent the letters,

and if she did, we
got to confront her

and say "Stop it."
You'll do that part.

Or my new plan.
We get out of here

and send her a
strongly-worded email

when we get home.

And maybe a
negative Yelp review.

Trick or treat.

I was here first.

- Trick or treat.
- Ooh, Sour Sack Babies!

Okay. Try-try and
form a line. Everyone.

Parents, i-if you could
please control your kids?

Grim reaper? Are you serious?

I can see that you
just put a baseball cap

on top of your costume.

Does your dad know
you're doing this?

It's my dad's hat.

Okay, fine. Just take one.

- But that's it.
- Father!

Stop giving away candy!

I can't help it. It's
stupid Halloween.

Wait. What's in Dad's bowl

is our last bag! We
don't have any left

for ourselves!
Somebody, do something!

- Here. Here. Take it.
- There's just too many of them!

- Here. Take it. Here.
- Why did Mom have to leave us alone on the day

- of the child zombie candy-pocalypse?
- Here. Take it. Here.

Gayle, come on.

She's gonna come
back any second.

No. We're gonna
see this through.

What's she gonna do, kill us?

I should trim your
claws. Uh, I-I mean, nails.

Both of you. I've
got a great cutter.

It's really sharp.

- Yeah, okay, let's go.
- Run. Run!

Run for the car!

Oh! And now the
dog's chasing us!

Hey!

Run, Gayle, run!
We're gonna die!

I'm too young to die!

I'm so much younger than you!

Aah! -Aah! Scary Terry!

Linda! Gayle! Jasper, come!

Oh, God, why did
we park so far away?

I don't know! It
seemed like a good spot!

Wait. Somebody's here.

Help! Help! We're being chased!

Forget it, Gayle. Let's just go!

Linda? Gayle? Is that you?

Oh, hi, Principal Rosenthal.

Well, hello. I haven't
seen you in years.

- How are you?
- We're very good.

You're still alive. That's nice.

It is nice. I'm here
to pick up my dog.

He needed a haircut
'cause he's dressing up

as James Spader from
Blacklist for Halloween.

Ja...

- Jasper?
- Oh, God,

- here she comes!
- Help us.

She's chasing us! Aah!

You come here, little man.

I'm so sorry,
Mr. Rosenthal. He got out.

Somebody opened his pen.

Oh, sorry. That was an accident.

We were running because we
thought you were chasing us,

but you were chasing the dog?

No, I was chasing you, too.

I have this great product.

Remember? The thing I said
two seconds before you ran out?

Why did you run out?
We were catching up.

We were talking about
the pumpkin carving contest

- that got canceled.
- Oh, God, I remember that.

- Uh...
- You know, Linda,

the sad thing is we
never got to announce

- that you were...
- Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, uh...

Oh, I w... I-I was just gonna
say we were gonna announce...

♪ Oh, we're singing ♪

- ♪ Halloween, Halloween ♪
- Oh, I was just gonna say you were...

-♪ It's such beautiful time of year.
♪ -What? What? What? What? What?

Linda, you're being weird.

We never got to announce

that you were the winner!

- And you said it.
- Wait, what?

- Linda was gonna win?
- Yeah.

Linda, did you know
you were gonna win?

I found out at school
the day before.

I was in the hall
on my way to poop

when I heard some
teachers talking

in the principal's office
about the pumpkin contest.

Then I heard Mr. Rosenthal say
that I was gonna be the winner.

That mine was the most creative.

- Creative?
- I knew you'd be crushed.

I knew how hard
you worked on yours,

and I just couldn't
let it happen.

Wait, you dropped your
pumpkin on purpose?

Sorta. Yeah.

So you smashed all the pumpkins?

Sorry. If you want to
arrest us, I understand.

Uh, I mean, me.
Gayle wasn't there.

Wait a second. So, who
sent us those freakin' letters?

- I don't know.
- I did.

Huh?

- Who the hell are you?
- I'm life coach,

personal trainer and
inventor Dane Kang.

Hi, Dane Kang. Wait, it was you?

Yes, Gayle. Of course
I sent you the letters.

And I'm proud
of you. You did it.

I did? What did I do?

What the heck is going on?

I knew the only way to get Gayle

to confront her past
was to bring it back

and shove it in her face.

And if she rose
to the challenge,

she could move forward
in all areas of her life

and to the gold star
level of my program.

Ooh.

I didn't know life
coaches did that stuff.

- Oh, they don't.
- Can I have your card?

Well, why did you
bring me into all this?

Gayle talks about you a lot.

- No, not that much. Maybe once.
- We've had one session,

and I feel like I've
known you all my life.

Though I expected you
to be older and very ugly.

Anyway, you're welcome.
You're all welcome.

Now I got to go pretend to be
a client's long-lost love child.

Bye, Dane Kang.
I'll call you Monday.

Well, this was fun.

You're gonna want to rub
this in with your fingertips.

- Give me your hand.
- Okay.

Trick or treat.

Here. Last one. Yeah.

No more Sour Sack Babies, okay?

Oh, no. Don't-don't cry.

Here. W-We have these.
Take as many as you want.

Oh, my God.

Ugh. Total disaster.

And now we don't have
any Sour Sack Babies.

This feels like rock bottom.

I don't even know
if I have the energy

to trick-or-treat anymore.

I mean, we'll go, but
my heart won't be in it.

Just my mouth.

Well, good thing I saved

three of these things
for you kids, huh?

- Yay! Oh, my God!
- Yes!

I could kiss you. And I will.

Give me those lips!

I am never handing
out good candy again.

- Mm-hmm. -Yeah.
- Yep, yep, yep.

I mean, what kind of
life coach does that?

He's the best. That's why

- he's $400 a session.
- What?!

But, you know, the
first two are free.

And I think I'm fixed now,

so I just need to
cancel your credit card.

- Oh, God.
- Linda,

I wish you would've just told
me that you were gonna win

that pumpkin carving contest.

I know. But I guess
sometimes I don't tell you

good stuff that happens
to me 'cause I don't want to,

you know, rub it in.

When good things happen to
you, it does make me happy.

Is this just because

sometimes I fly into
violent rages of jealousy

and cry in the closet
until I throw up?

- Yeah, maybe.
- Well, I still want to know

what's happening
in your life. I love you.

You're my sister
and my best friend.

And my archnemesis.

I love you, too, Gayle.

Also, my pumpkin was
way better than yours.

Mr. Rosenthal's stupid.
Oh, speaking of pumpkins,

look at those. They're good.

- Too good. I want to go smash them!
- Gayle, no!

♪ Goblins, ghouls,
ghosts and bears ♪

♪ Why'd I say bears? ♪

♪ I don't know, they're scary ♪

♪ It's Halloween ♪ Aah!

♪ Okay, bears
aren't that scary ♪

♪ They're just big and hairy ♪

♪ They eat nuts and
berries, not scary ♪

♪ But what the heck,
it's Halloween ♪ Aah!

♪ Halloween, ooh ♪

♪ Halloween, scary, scary ♪

♪ Halloween ♪

♪ Halloween-ween-ween ♪

♪ Goblins, ghouls,
ghosts and bears ♪

♪ Why'd I say bears? ♪

♪ I don't know, they're scary,
it's Halloween. ♪ Aah!

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