Original subtitles

Everybody, come see what Mr. Pickles is doing!

What? No! Dad!

What? What is all this racket?!

Mr. Pickles and the three Steves

were just in here with some kind of monster.

Oh, go to bed, Dad. Oh, Grandpa!

Bye, everybody! I'm off to school.

Bye. Hey, who's truck is that?

It's mine. Huh?!

I bought a truck and a cabin in the mountains.

I'm moving out! What?!

What, why?

I'm tired of Mr. Pickles

tormenting me all the time

and everybody thinking I'm crazy.

I just want to live out my days in peace.

Don't worry, I'll be back from time to time to say hi.

Yeah, see you, Grandpa.

Ooh, there's a sale on Band-Aids!

Morning, Merl. Lovely day, isn't it?

If by lovely, you mean cold and lonely...

Pornography.

I'll keep ya company up at your cabin.

Oh, I sure do miss my wife.

Morning. Morning!

How did you find me?

No! Aah!

Got ya!

I knew you'd come eventually.

And when you did, I'd be ready.

You messed with me for too long, Mr. Pickles.

This ends today.

Don't play cute with me.

Why do you think I bought a cabin in the middle of nowhere?

So I could kill you and no one would ever find out about it.

Now, any last words?

Of course not. You're just a dumb dog.

I may be a dog, Grandpa, but I'm not dumb.

Yeah, you are. Look who's in the cage.

Wait, you can talk all of a sudden?

Nah. I always could.

But I only whip it out on special occasions.

What? I knew you were evil,

but I always thought you were still just a dog.

How can you talk?

Let me out of this cage,

and I'll tell you everything inside.

It's cold out here. Brr.

I'm not stupid.

I don't care if you can talk, I'm gonna kill ya anyway.

Fine. Then I guess you'll never know why I'm evil.

Now, tell me why you're evil.

Well... it all started a long, long time ago.

In the lost city of the Pabanatra Fagonopolis.

The ancient ones would sacrifice a dog to appease the gods.

But on this particular day, something unexpected happened.

Merl? What are you doing here?

Well, with the cold and the recent passing of my wife,

I thought you might entertain the idea of some company.

I could use a good cuddle. What?!

Sorry, I'm kind of in the middle of something...

Nothing sexual.

Just lie by the fire, hold me tight,

and tell me everything's gonna be all right.

No! I'm not gonna cuddle with you. I'm busy.

Here! Hey! You're gonna cuddle me good.

What? Hey, what are you doing, Mr. Pickles?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want to cuddle with him or not?

Wait, did that dog just talk...

Now, Grandpa...

did you want me to finish my story,

or should I just get to the part where I kill you, hmm?

Think you can make it all the way to your truck, old man?

I told you I was ready for you.

I'm gonna get you, Grandpa!

Oh, watch out! Whoa!

Now everybody will think I know how to ski and be impressed.

Help! Help me! Hey, get out of my selfie!

An evil dog is after me!

Get lost before I selfie you in half.

Oh.What? Hey, huh?

What do you want, you dumb dog?!

Say. That's a nice blade.

Here I come, Grandpa!

Does this go to the bottom of the mountain?

No, you idiot. This is the flight to Mexico.

Hey, stewardess, can I get another beer?

I don't have any beer, but how about a shot?

Where do you think you're going, Grandpa?

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Hey, stewardess, get back in here with my beer!

See you in hell, Mr. Pickles!

Hey, is this Mexico?

Help! There's an evil talking dog after me!

That the same evil talking dog who lives with the troll

next to the unicorn's gingerbread house?

I bet the evil talking dog hangs out with the centaur

over by the elf village!

Hey, what about mermaids?!

Shut up! Mermaids is real. I seen one in a river once.

- You did not! - You liar!

You calling him a liar?!

He says he's seen a mermaid, he's seen a mermaid.

Huh? Oh! Hey, get out of here!

No dogs allowed!

Ah, you might want to re-think that policy.

Agh! That dog just talked! You see that dog talk?!

Uh, what are you having, dog?

Give me a rail bourbon with a pickle back.

Make that two.

Did I say stop playing?

Ah. Good stuff.

Just get it over with and kill me.

Aren't ya gonna say anything?

It didn't have to end this way, you know?

I just wanted to show you I could talk

so you'd go tell everybody.

Would have been hilarious.

But you had to go and try to kill me.

Now things aren't so funny, are they?

Why do you hate me so much?

You were always trying to tell everybody the truth about me.

What choice did I have but to make you look crazy,

so no one would believe you.

I don't believe it, either. Shut up!

This is between me and Grandpa.

It's Grandpa and I.

If you're gonna speak English, at least use proper grammar.

Oh, boy. Well, what now?

We can't go back to normal.

Like you said...

What if I move to another country

and you never saw me again?

I like it up here in the mountains, Grandpa.

You picked a good spot. The fresh air is nice.

Oh, get to it, you dumb dog.

Fine.

Any last words?

Before I die, tell me,

how are you able to talk. Why are you evil?

Breaking news! Huh?

This grandpa is wanted in the murder of Merl Cuddles Magginty.

What? You set me up? Click.

What's that? A speaker?

And there's a big reward for his capture.

And it doesn't say "dead or alive,"

so dead will do just fine.

What?!

Have fun in prison, Grandpa.

What? Freeze, Grandpa!

You're under arrest for murder!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Grandpa.

You done gone and done it now, I tell you what.

Don't worry. Life in prison ain't so bad.

You know, besides getting raped and killed all the time.

Watch out! Huh?

Hey, you guys doing to Mexico?

Grandpa, are you oka...

Grandpa? Where'd ya go?

- Hi, Will. - Hi, Dave.