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1
00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:30,415
Push, push, push!
2
00:00:30,416 --> 00:00:33,999
I can't do it! It hurts!
I hate you, bitch!
3
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:34,915
Hey!
4
00:00:34,916 --> 00:00:39,332
Sorry, but the expectant mother often
lashes out at her support system.
5
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:41,665
Lainy, why do we have
to play "mom" every day?
6
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,749
I don't even want to be a mom.
7
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,540
Never say that, Kate.
8
00:00:45,541 --> 00:00:49,499
Being a mom is the greatest
thing a human being can do.
9
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,874
And someday, when
we do it for real,
10
00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:53,749
we're gonna have to be
there for each other.
11
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:56,165
- Because our moms are dead.
- Mm-hmm.
12
00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:58,958
Now hold my hand! I'm crowning!
13
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:05,915
♪ The hotel above and the
street below People come... ♪
14
00:01:12,041 --> 00:01:15,165
Lainy, did you call
me just to yawn?
15
00:01:15,166 --> 00:01:17,541
Kate, I can't dictate
what my body needs.
16
00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,374
But you really think
it's happening today?
17
00:01:20,375 --> 00:01:21,415
Are you serious?
18
00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:24,999
He's taking you to a fancy
restaurant on your anniversary.
19
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,582
He's going to propose!
20
00:01:27,583 --> 00:01:31,374
I mean, he said he has something very
special to ask you. It's happening.
21
00:01:31,375 --> 00:01:33,957
Oh, gosh! I can't handle it.
22
00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:36,624
Okay, so you really
think today is the day?
23
00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,374
I know today is the day.
24
00:01:38,375 --> 00:01:41,207
And today is also the day
that I find a gray pube,
25
00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:43,207
because I just found
a gray pube. Wow.
26
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:44,290
Ooh, can I see?
27
00:01:44,291 --> 00:01:46,165
- Get the hell out of here!
- Okay. All right.
28
00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:47,915
It'll make your bush look wiser.
29
00:01:47,916 --> 00:01:50,707
Now this thing is going to look
like Steve Martin by the summer.
30
00:01:50,708 --> 00:01:55,500
Goddammit. Mark, where are my tweezers
that are supposed to be just for me?
31
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,166
Oh, God, are you okay?
32
00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:02,290
All good. That's why I
leave the pillows there.
33
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:06,207
Found it. Sorry about that.
Had a nasty-ass ingrown.
34
00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:08,040
- Get out.
- Okay.
35
00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:10,082
Goddammit.
36
00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:11,415
Are you going to say yes?
37
00:02:11,416 --> 00:02:12,915
Uh, yes.
38
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,249
Yeah, marriage!
39
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:16,957
I've been waiting for
this moment for so long.
40
00:02:16,958 --> 00:02:18,250
Honey, it's happening.
41
00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:21,332
Do I have a mustache?
42
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:22,791
No, you're insane.
43
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,540
No, do I have a
fucking mustache?
44
00:02:25,541 --> 00:02:27,499
I love you so much.
I'll see you at school.
45
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,250
- Bye.
- Hey, do I have a fucking mustache?
46
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,999
Oh my God, Mark? Mark?
47
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,250
Yeah?
48
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,457
Oh, this time you
don't come in. Come in!
49
00:02:43,458 --> 00:02:44,624
Okay. Just...
50
00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:49,165
Oh...
51
00:02:49,166 --> 00:02:50,791
Oh, babe.
52
00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:53,790
- Oh my God.
- We're having a baby.
53
00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:55,208
We're gonna have a baby.
54
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,375
Why is it wet?
55
00:02:58,041 --> 00:02:59,750
It's piss, Mark.
56
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:06,874
{\an8}"Oh, Romeo! Romeo!
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"
57
00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:11,124
{\an8}"Deny thy father
and refuse thy name,
58
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,290
{\an8}or if thou wilt not,
59
00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:15,124
be but sworn, my love,
60
00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:18,540
I'll no longer be a Capulet."
61
00:03:18,541 --> 00:03:19,916
Ms. Newton...
62
00:03:20,708 --> 00:03:23,540
I'm unbelievably
uncomfortable right now.
63
00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:26,790
Okay. Thank you for
expressing that to me, Brett.
64
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,499
Go ahead, take your seat.
65
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,833
Now, does everyone understand
66
00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:36,040
what's happening in
this masterful text?
67
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:39,457
Yeah, Juliet's trying to smash.
68
00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:44,207
Yes. Very funny, Liam. That
is one way of looking at it.
69
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:46,125
But it's more pure than that.
70
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:51,457
These two people are in love,
and that's how you all got here.
71
00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:53,125
Your parents fell in love,
72
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,458
and then you gave them the
greatest gift of all...
73
00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,375
when you made them
mommies and daddies.
74
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:01,750
You have a mustache.
75
00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:03,499
I knew it.
76
00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,915
Oh!
77
00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:09,875
Everyone, work on
your summaries, okay?
78
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,540
Hi.
79
00:04:15,541 --> 00:04:17,582
Hey, smoke show, I
left my watch at home.
80
00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,249
Mind grabbing it on
the way to dinner?
81
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,915
Makes everything else I'm wearing
look a little better, you know?
82
00:04:21,916 --> 00:04:24,083
Sure, I can grab it.
83
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:27,207
Sounds like you want to look
really sharp for tonight.
84
00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:28,582
I gotta look good for you, babe.
85
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,665
Thanks for getting the
watch. I'll see you tonight.
86
00:04:30,666 --> 00:04:31,666
You got it. Bye.
87
00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:35,250
You look happy. I don't like it.
88
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,874
I think Dave's popping
the question tonight.
89
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:39,540
Ooh!
90
00:04:39,541 --> 00:04:42,040
I guess I can free myself
up to be maid of honor.
91
00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:43,749
I can't do weekends, though.
92
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,249
Yeah. I don't know if you'll
have to worry about that.
93
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,749
What are you doing here?
94
00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:50,040
I'm a guidance counselor,
so I'm guiding.
95
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:52,000
A lot of lost souls
in this school.
96
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,249
If it wasn't for me,
it would be a shitshow.
97
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,416
Hey!
98
00:04:57,625 --> 00:04:58,874
Where were you?
99
00:04:58,875 --> 00:05:01,791
You smell like
cocaine. I'll be back.
100
00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,165
We can talk about dresses later.
101
00:05:04,166 --> 00:05:07,000
What have you got in your
locker? Eight ball, nine ball?
102
00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,541
♪ Do it, baby, do
what I should think ♪
103
00:05:16,791 --> 00:05:19,375
♪ Do it, baby, do
what I should think ♪
104
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,332
♪ Do it, baby, do
what I could think ♪
105
00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:24,583
♪ I ain't never
rep a set, baby ♪
106
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:26,624
♪ Ain't do no wrong ♪
107
00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:29,041
Wait till I decorate this place.
108
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:32,665
♪ 'Cause I want to
make it, so badly... ♪
109
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,666
Ah!
110
00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:35,790
There you are.
111
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:38,582
- ♪ Don't at me ♪
- ♪ Hell no ♪
112
00:05:38,583 --> 00:05:41,875
♪ You rep my city
for so damn long ♪
113
00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:46,500
Oh, Dave.
114
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:50,082
Size four? I love
that you think that.
115
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,875
♪ Do it, baby, do
what I should think ♪
116
00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:56,458
♪ Do it, baby, do
what I could think ♪
117
00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:58,250
Gosh.
118
00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:25,125
Sorry. Hi.
119
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,000
Don't get up.
120
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:30,833
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
121
00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:36,708
Did you see I had a little
stumble on the stairs?
122
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,500
A stumble?
123
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:41,916
I think that girl tripped me.
124
00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:45,290
You look nice. I like the dress.
125
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:47,541
Well, thank you.
I'm a little tight.
126
00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:50,540
I feel like I'm breathing
through a straw.
127
00:06:50,541 --> 00:06:53,541
But we're all going to end
up that way someday, right?
128
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:57,666
I'm just joking about
getting old and dying.
129
00:06:59,291 --> 00:07:00,291
Let's order.
130
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,333
Showtime.
131
00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:09,749
So, anyway, um...
132
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:13,415
Four years, me and
you, long-ass time.
133
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:14,707
You're telling me.
134
00:07:14,708 --> 00:07:16,707
And I was thinking to myself,
135
00:07:16,708 --> 00:07:19,250
"Dave, it's time to
level this shit up."
136
00:07:20,291 --> 00:07:21,832
- Yeah, level it up.
- Right?
137
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:23,165
The champagne you ordered, sir.
138
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:25,040
I got it, thanks.
You guys can go.
139
00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:28,707
We're in the middle of
something really important.
140
00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:30,083
Let's go.
141
00:07:30,666 --> 00:07:35,416
Lainy... ...I want you to make
me the luckiest man alive.
142
00:07:35,916 --> 00:07:37,207
Bon appétit.
143
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:39,208
Oh my God. It's beautiful.
144
00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,666
This is it, right? It's here?
145
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:44,416
Aw...
146
00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:46,790
Where you at?
147
00:07:46,791 --> 00:07:48,874
What the... What are you doing?
148
00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:50,290
I am... I...
149
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,624
Sorry, I thought...
150
00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:54,665
Um... I'm just really nervous,
151
00:07:54,666 --> 00:07:57,375
but say what you were saying,
don't worry about this.
152
00:07:58,250 --> 00:07:59,290
Lainy...
153
00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:02,458
I want us...
154
00:08:05,666 --> 00:08:07,249
to have a threesome.
155
00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,874
Uh, a what what?
156
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,041
A threesome.
157
00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:14,290
Look, babe, our
relationship is strong.
158
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:15,707
Let's open it up, right?
159
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:17,499
Oh, uh, this is Moira.
160
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:20,791
Hi! Davey's told me
so much about you.
161
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,708
Oh, it's my dress. I knew
I left it over there.
162
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:27,749
What the fuck, Dave? I thought
you wanted to get married.
163
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,833
Lainy, come on.
164
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,124
You can't have a
threesome with your wife.
165
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:34,332
- That's weird, right?
- Yeah, that's gross.
166
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,415
Wife, weird. Girlfriend, cool.
167
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,249
Anyway, I'm going to
pay for this check.
168
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:39,957
We'll go back to my apartment,
169
00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:42,790
chisel you out of that
dress, and see what happens.
170
00:08:45,708 --> 00:08:48,166
Lainy, what the fuck?
171
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:53,166
Lainy, you are causing a scene.
172
00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:57,208
You want a scene?
You want a scene!
173
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:04,540
I'll show you a fucking
scene! You want a scene?
174
00:09:04,541 --> 00:09:07,624
Here's a scene coming
at you and your dress!
175
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:08,958
Fuck you!
176
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:10,665
Lainy.
177
00:09:10,666 --> 00:09:12,375
I didn't really eat dinner.
178
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:15,083
Lainy!
179
00:09:15,666 --> 00:09:17,249
This food sucks.
180
00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:19,500
It doesn't have to be Moira!
181
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,166
- Ms. Newton?
- What?
182
00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:35,708
Do you want me to
hand out the quizzes?
183
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:42,208
No.
184
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,833
It's going to be an oral exam.
185
00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:48,625
What?
186
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:52,749
I'm assuming you're
all familiar with oral.
187
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,165
Little perverts.
188
00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:57,625
Brett.
189
00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:01,332
What is Romeo and Juliet about?
190
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:03,707
Oh, um, it's a
beautiful love story.
191
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:07,332
Wrong answer.
192
00:10:07,333 --> 00:10:09,374
Boo. Everyone boo Brett.
193
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,707
Boo.
194
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:14,790
- Really "boo" him.
- Boo!
195
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:17,458
Boo! Very naive.
196
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:19,624
Who was it?
197
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,249
Ah! Liam.
198
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:26,999
Yes. Liam, will you remind us, what
is Romeo and Juliet really about?
199
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,290
Romeo just wants a piece?
200
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:31,957
Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding!
201
00:10:31,958 --> 00:10:32,874
Right answer!
202
00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:36,957
Tell him what he's won! A big
fat dose of reality, kids.
203
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,415
Because guess what?
204
00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:41,624
Romeo doesn't just
want Juliet. No!
205
00:10:41,625 --> 00:10:45,290
Romeo wants pussy from
all over fair Verona.
206
00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:48,207
And he wants a fucking
threesome with Moira?
207
00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:51,208
Have you ever heard of Moira?
208
00:10:51,791 --> 00:10:52,999
What's a threesome?
209
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,374
A threesome? Glad
you asked this.
210
00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:58,624
Okay, everybody take notes,
because this is important.
211
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:02,541
Get out your phone calculators and
whatever else the fuck you want.
212
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:08,041
A threesome is when
three people...
213
00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:14,499
do what only two
people should do.
214
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:15,915
Like a seesaw?
215
00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:18,124
Exactly like a seesaw!
216
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:20,415
You know what? Pass
your books to the front.
217
00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:22,874
Everybody pass copies of
your books to the front.
218
00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:26,290
Come on, I don't have all day.
Come on, give me the fucking books!
219
00:11:26,291 --> 00:11:28,415
Let's go, let's go, come on!
220
00:11:28,416 --> 00:11:29,958
- Hurry up!
- I'm scared.
221
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:35,125
Is this about your mustache?
'Cause it looks a lot better.
222
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:41,082
This isn't about my mustache.
223
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:44,875
This is about the fact
that Shakespeare...
224
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,000
is dog shit.
225
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,458
And love...
226
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:53,000
is a fucking lie.
227
00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:13,500
Um, Ms. Newton, should
we evacuate the school?
228
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,499
Mm-hmm.
229
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,332
♪ Look, shit got me tripping
Fighting with my demons... ♪
230
00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:22,290
Stay away from the fire.
We're not sure how it got lit.
231
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:23,874
We'll get to the bottom of it.
232
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:27,540
Get out, kids! We're
gonna die! Get out!
233
00:12:27,541 --> 00:12:30,415
I don't want to burn
to death! Get out!
234
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,749
♪ It don't come with a coupon ♪
235
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,124
♪ And they'll never catch it
Like a ♪♪♪♪♪ with no arms ♪
236
00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:36,415
♪ Baby, I'm trippin' My
feelings been fryin' me ♪
237
00:12:36,416 --> 00:12:38,707
♪ I blame it all on anxiety
I had two chops... ♪
238
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:41,624
All right, guys, come
on. Hurry up, let's go.
239
00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:43,582
♪ They showing real
love That's unlikely ♪
240
00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:45,207
♪ Fuck you, I ain't
ask you to like me ♪
241
00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:47,790
♪ Watch for that snake, he might
bite me Watch out for anybody... ♪
242
00:12:47,791 --> 00:12:50,583
Excuse me. Sorry.
Everyone, stay warm.
243
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,583
Stay calm.
244
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:56,291
Okay. Excuse me.
245
00:12:59,041 --> 00:13:00,707
♪ Anxiety, keep on trying me ♪
246
00:13:00,708 --> 00:13:02,457
♪ Feel it quietly ♪
247
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,125
♪ Tryna silence me, yeah ♪
248
00:13:04,708 --> 00:13:05,708
♪ Anxiety... ♪
249
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,999
♪ Somebody's watching me... ♪
250
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,000
Hi.
251
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,707
Oh, honey. I am so sorry.
252
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:17,124
It's not your fault.
253
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:18,166
Look at me.
254
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:21,499
You are the moon. And the stars.
255
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,707
And he is a dirty diaper.
256
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:28,625
A tampon landfill monster.
257
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,040
I just thought he was the one.
258
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:32,624
You know, like the one, one.
259
00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:33,708
Fuck Dave.
260
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:36,375
You don't need him or any guy.
261
00:13:37,291 --> 00:13:38,915
I want a family.
262
00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:40,165
That's my dream.
263
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:43,082
You will have that
dream. Anyone can.
264
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,624
Anyone except for me,
265
00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:50,999
because Dave wants to explore
new vagina holes and butt holes.
266
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,582
What about my holes?
267
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:54,999
My holes aren't good enough
to shit a baby out of?
268
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,082
Okay, can you stop saying holes?
269
00:13:57,083 --> 00:14:00,374
Sorry, it's just thinking
about a baby's thick head
270
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,415
coming out of my hole
is just too much.
271
00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:04,583
I can't take that right
now. Oh, thank you.
272
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:10,540
You're not drinking.
You look like shit.
273
00:14:10,541 --> 00:14:13,625
You don't want to talk about
holes. Are you fucking pregnant?
274
00:14:17,708 --> 00:14:19,415
- No!
- No?
275
00:14:19,416 --> 00:14:21,374
No! Get rid of it!
276
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:22,499
What?
277
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,749
No, I'm sorry. I don't
know why I said that.
278
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:25,874
I'm sorry. God.
279
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:29,124
I just... I thought that
I would have a baby first
280
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:31,832
and you would wait too
long and, you know,
281
00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:34,249
try and adopt and that
wouldn't really pan out
282
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:37,457
and you would just get some
weird pet, like, off-brand,
283
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:39,707
like a ferret or some
shit. I don't know.
284
00:14:39,708 --> 00:14:41,707
But I'm so happy for you.
285
00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:42,832
A baby?
286
00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:47,707
Lainy, I didn't want
to tell you right now.
287
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:48,874
Please don't be mad.
288
00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:51,249
Stop! Why would I be mad at you?
289
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:53,165
A baby. I'm so happy for you.
290
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:54,500
Well, I mean...
291
00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:57,999
Yes, but you just demanded
I have an abortion.
292
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,665
This is terrible timing. I
thought that you would be engaged
293
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,957
and I'd be pregnant and
it'd be so nice, but I...
294
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,832
No, it's fine. It is nice.
295
00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:06,166
It's amazing.
296
00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:09,375
You're having a baby.
297
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,790
I know. It's so weird.
298
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:13,165
So crazy.
299
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:17,374
Thank you for knowing I
was gonna need to eat.
300
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,665
Yeah, I knew.
301
00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:24,541
To just celebrating you and
not thinking about Dave.
302
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,290
Hi, I'm Dave, and
we're the Threesomes.
303
00:15:28,291 --> 00:15:31,957
This is the first song off
our debut album, Threesome.
304
00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:33,499
It's called "Threesome."
305
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:45,374
Are you sure you're all
good to be here today?
306
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:46,374
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
307
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:48,458
I'm, uh, fine.
308
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:52,082
Being at work is the best
thing for me right now.
309
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:53,874
Why would you want
a family anyway
310
00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:56,915
when you're working with these
bleeding hemorrhoids all day?
311
00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:57,957
You heard me, Liam.
312
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,790
You're the only
teacher who can't swim.
313
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,124
Lots of people can't swim.
314
00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:02,999
I'm gonna fuck his dad,
become his stepmom,
315
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,207
and put him up for adoption.
316
00:16:04,208 --> 00:16:05,874
We're not supposed
to threaten them.
317
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:08,624
Lanes, this is me. You got
this, bitch. You're the GOAT.
318
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:11,040
Don't talk like that
in front of the baby.
319
00:16:11,041 --> 00:16:13,290
It's not even a baby
yet, it's just an embryo.
320
00:16:13,291 --> 00:16:15,832
It's not even an embryo,
it's just fermenting cum.
321
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:17,915
It's just sitting
in there like...
322
00:16:17,916 --> 00:16:21,249
Thank you so much for
that visual today.
323
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:24,207
Ha! Golden Girls, Golden Girls.
324
00:16:24,208 --> 00:16:27,165
Wow. How do you even know that
show? Aren't you too young?
325
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:30,040
No, I looked up older lady references
so I could connect with you guys,
326
00:16:30,041 --> 00:16:31,707
my senior coworkers.
327
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,832
Now, let me see the hand.
328
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,207
I need to go live with
this to show my followers.
329
00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,625
- No, you don't need to see my hand.
- Let me see. Stop.
330
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,290
Okay.
331
00:16:42,291 --> 00:16:44,082
- Oh, no.
- No, it's good.
332
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:45,749
{\an8}Looks like I got some bad intel.
333
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:47,332
{\an8}No, it's actually really good.
334
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:50,332
I decided I wasn't
ready to settle down.
335
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:52,166
Really? At your age, honey?
336
00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:55,791
Because aren't you
in your, like...
337
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000
forties?
338
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,832
Yes, I am. Are you okay?
339
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:03,415
- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine. Please.
340
00:17:03,416 --> 00:17:04,625
- Okay.
- Okay.
341
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,165
God, I hate her.
342
00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:08,290
She's the worst.
343
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:12,833
It's like, look at that.
She's a teacher of children.
344
00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:16,499
Are you allowed
to smoke in here?
345
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,750
Yeah, it's just pot.
346
00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:24,082
Can you believe that
tarantula's gonna be a mother?
347
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,582
Shirley's pregnant?
348
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:26,625
Yeah.
349
00:17:27,166 --> 00:17:29,374
Her and Kate will be
together all the time,
350
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,833
which frees us up to
work on our friendship.
351
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:37,249
One, two. One, two. One,
five, six, seven, eight.
352
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:47,082
No, no, no.
353
00:17:47,083 --> 00:17:48,791
Oh, God. Would you talk to me?
354
00:17:49,458 --> 00:17:50,457
Please.
355
00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:52,290
- Hi!
- Would you just talk to me?
356
00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:55,040
Lainy. Oh, my God, what
are you doing here?
357
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:58,290
- Oh, getting coffee. It's a coffee shop.
- You okay?
358
00:17:58,291 --> 00:17:59,999
- I'm good.
- Want to talk about it?
359
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,915
- Nope.
- Chin up.
360
00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:02,874
- Okay, please get off of me.
- My God, sad outfit.
361
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:06,000
I'm just catching up with a good
friend, so I can't really talk.
362
00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:07,707
Who's this?
363
00:18:07,708 --> 00:18:08,708
Um...
364
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:10,582
Latte.
365
00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:12,541
- His name's Latte?
- Yeah.
366
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:17,708
Yeah. It's, you know,
just spelled like latte.
367
00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:19,207
Would you please?
368
00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:21,040
I did not know you were
such a little slut.
369
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:23,540
- Okay. Please.
- I love this for you. So proud.
370
00:18:23,541 --> 00:18:24,749
Okay. Thank you.
371
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:27,999
No, I don't... want to do this.
372
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,207
Can I use your bathroom?
373
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,874
- Yeah. Right there.
- Oh, God.
374
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:32,082
She stresses me out.
375
00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:34,250
Sorry, I work with
her. She's the worst.
376
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:37,915
She's always just, like,
talking to me, you know?
377
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:41,332
Kind of like, I guess, what
I'm doing to you right now.
378
00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:43,749
Well, you gotta pay that
stuff forward, right?
379
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,250
Wait a second.
380
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:48,749
Old Navy?
381
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:52,208
Oh my gosh. This
is really amazing.
382
00:18:52,958 --> 00:18:54,208
Are you my mirror?
383
00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:59,582
- No, it's not good.
- We got to work on our mirror work.
384
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:01,665
Look, I don't want to upset you,
385
00:19:01,666 --> 00:19:05,665
but Old Navy is in no way
affiliated with the Navy.
386
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,874
- What?
- I know, I'm so sorry.
387
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:09,665
- Oh, no.
- Somebody had to tell you.
388
00:19:09,666 --> 00:19:11,125
You're old enough to know now.
389
00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:15,124
I have to stop thanking all their
employees for their service.
390
00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,957
Yeah, and applying for
veterans' benefits.
391
00:19:17,916 --> 00:19:19,374
What is your name again?
392
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,457
My name is Latte.
393
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:23,582
- No, stop. What was your real name?
- My name is Josh.
394
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:25,500
- Josh?
- Yeah.
395
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,041
Well...
396
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:31,040
Black cold brew for Josh.
397
00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:33,165
- That's me.
- Cold brew in the winter?
398
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:35,582
- And...
- You don't have to say it. I'm right here.
399
00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:37,540
- You don't...
- Kid's hot chocolate with...
400
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:39,665
a crazy-slash-ridiculous
amount of whipped cream.
401
00:19:39,666 --> 00:19:42,082
So much whipped cream that
it's pretty much a milkshake.
402
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:43,291
For Sasha Fierce.
403
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,916
- Wow.
- Thank you. Very thorough.
404
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,624
You can give them
any name you want.
405
00:19:48,625 --> 00:19:50,124
I'm trying to live out loud.
406
00:19:50,125 --> 00:19:52,540
- Well, that's deafening.
- Yeah.
407
00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:54,040
Yeah.
408
00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:56,124
All right. I'm going
this way, which...
409
00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:57,790
- I'm over here.
- All right.
410
00:19:57,791 --> 00:19:59,415
- Have a nice day.
- You too.
411
00:19:59,416 --> 00:20:01,250
See you when we're
both swabbing the deck.
412
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:02,958
What's that?
413
00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:07,624
I was going for another
Old Navy... bit.
414
00:20:07,625 --> 00:20:10,124
Oh, yeah. Uh, anchors
away. Land ho!
415
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,458
What'd you call me?
416
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:15,333
Oh! Sorry. Land
sophisticated lady.
417
00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:18,749
Bye, Latte.
418
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:19,916
Ms. Fierce.
419
00:20:28,666 --> 00:20:31,499
Everything's so soft here.
420
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:32,583
I know.
421
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,791
Oh, God, these mannequins
are really freaking me out.
422
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,500
That's what you're
going to look like.
423
00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:41,374
I'm with child.
424
00:20:41,375 --> 00:20:42,999
- Sanpellegrino.
- Thank you.
425
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,166
Thank you.
426
00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:48,915
Man, my boobs really hurt.
427
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,124
- Really?
- Yeah.
428
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,374
And I can't stop puking.
429
00:20:54,041 --> 00:20:55,833
- Oh, that's cute.
- Gross.
430
00:20:56,916 --> 00:20:59,707
Does it look like "picking
up the boys from soccer"?
431
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,999
You know, this store is just...
It's a little much, right?
432
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,832
Yeah, no, it's like, it's awful.
We didn't have to do this.
433
00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:13,415
You dragged me in here. I
wanted to get a pedicure.
434
00:21:13,416 --> 00:21:14,624
No, no, no.
435
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:17,124
I just want you to see
how supportive I am.
436
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:20,374
And you are. I always
feel supported by you.
437
00:21:20,375 --> 00:21:22,915
If this is too
hard, that's okay.
438
00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:24,957
No, it's not tough for me.
439
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:26,207
I've just...
440
00:21:26,208 --> 00:21:29,666
I've been feeling a little
lonely lately, but I, uh...
441
00:21:30,833 --> 00:21:33,832
You know, you probably don't
even remember what that's like.
442
00:21:33,833 --> 00:21:37,624
Uh, married people
can feel very lonely.
443
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:39,665
I have been really
horny, though.
444
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,040
- Really?
- I can't stop masturbating to weird stuff.
445
00:21:43,041 --> 00:21:43,957
Oh.
446
00:21:43,958 --> 00:21:46,749
- Like The Golden Bachelor.
- Yeah?
447
00:21:46,750 --> 00:21:49,207
Something about it. Maybe
because my dad left?
448
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:53,708
Okay. You know, we should
have more, like, secrets.
449
00:21:54,458 --> 00:21:56,332
What's wrong?
450
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:58,791
- I'm gonna throw up my acai bowl.
- Oh.
451
00:21:59,541 --> 00:22:01,874
- You want me to hold your hair?
- No. I'm okay.
452
00:22:44,541 --> 00:22:48,665
Yeah. I'm 11 months,
he won't come out.
453
00:22:48,666 --> 00:22:51,374
I'm gonna start charging
him rent. It's so hard.
454
00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:54,165
Miss, are you all right in
there? Do you need another size?
455
00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:55,915
No, I don't. Thank you.
456
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:57,875
Oh, sweetheart.
457
00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:02,540
I know. You're adjusting to the
changes your body is going through.
458
00:23:02,541 --> 00:23:05,415
Just remember, this is a gift.
459
00:23:05,416 --> 00:23:07,832
You and your husband
must be so excited.
460
00:23:07,833 --> 00:23:10,375
Or your wife. Or your...
461
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:14,583
DoorDash driver.
462
00:23:15,166 --> 00:23:16,040
Oh.
463
00:23:16,041 --> 00:23:18,790
Uh, can I have a moment?
Can we have a moment?
464
00:23:18,791 --> 00:23:21,915
Women are miracles.
How far along are you?
465
00:23:21,916 --> 00:23:24,832
Maybe, judging by your
facial bloating, five months?
466
00:23:24,833 --> 00:23:26,832
- I'll break your fucking neck.
- What was that?
467
00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:28,749
I've been a freaking wreck.
468
00:23:28,750 --> 00:23:32,207
Well, I would be too if
my ankles were that big.
469
00:23:32,208 --> 00:23:34,458
So how long have
you been pregnant?
470
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:40,374
Thanksgiving. It's
my favorite parade.
471
00:23:40,375 --> 00:23:41,290
What?
472
00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:44,540
I'm gonna go and get you a burrito,
and then I'm gonna rub your feet.
473
00:23:44,541 --> 00:23:46,624
- You need to be pampered.
- Yes, I do.
474
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:48,874
- Okay, stay right there.
- Yes. I will.
475
00:23:48,875 --> 00:23:49,958
Okay.
476
00:23:53,625 --> 00:23:54,625
Lainy?
477
00:24:00,291 --> 00:24:02,624
- Come on.
- Do I have anything on my face?
478
00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:05,290
No, you're great. You
know, everyone likes water.
479
00:24:28,375 --> 00:24:29,665
Hey, you've reached Dave.
480
00:24:29,666 --> 00:24:31,207
- And Moira.
- And Andy.
481
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:32,916
We're busy right now.
482
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:34,582
Leave a message.
483
00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:36,125
Get your finger out of there.
484
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:46,500
Hi!
485
00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:49,790
- I heard you coming.
- How you doing?
486
00:24:49,791 --> 00:24:51,082
- Oh, my gosh.
- You good?
487
00:24:51,083 --> 00:24:52,375
Yeah. I'm good.
488
00:24:53,333 --> 00:24:55,374
I texted you last
night. Did you get it?
489
00:25:01,791 --> 00:25:05,916
Mmm! So great. You
guys do a great job.
490
00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:57,165
Mazel, mazel, mazel.
491
00:25:57,166 --> 00:25:58,499
Thank you.
492
00:25:58,500 --> 00:25:59,915
Congratulations, Mama.
493
00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:01,333
Oh, thanks.
494
00:26:05,958 --> 00:26:07,040
Looking good, Mama.
495
00:26:07,041 --> 00:26:08,207
Oh!
496
00:26:08,208 --> 00:26:09,375
Thanks.
497
00:26:10,416 --> 00:26:12,375
Bro, move, she's pregnant.
498
00:26:20,166 --> 00:26:21,166
Pregnant.
499
00:26:22,708 --> 00:26:27,332
The next stop is Metropolitan
Avenue/Lorimer Street.
500
00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,290
Oh, oh.
501
00:26:36,291 --> 00:26:37,375
Thanks, yeah.
502
00:26:41,541 --> 00:26:43,416
- You look so beautiful.
- Yeah.
503
00:26:44,375 --> 00:26:46,208
Oh, thank you.
504
00:26:46,791 --> 00:26:49,250
It's like your skin is glowing.
505
00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:50,916
Wow.
506
00:26:51,666 --> 00:26:53,874
It's probably
because I'm pregnant.
507
00:26:54,833 --> 00:26:56,874
Mom, I want to get pregnant.
508
00:26:56,875 --> 00:26:59,915
- I want to get pregnant tonight.
- What? No, no, you don't.
509
00:26:59,916 --> 00:27:02,958
- Not when you're 15.
- You never let me do anything!
510
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:07,083
Sorry.
511
00:27:07,666 --> 00:27:09,083
Fuck you.
512
00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:16,541
Hey. Thanks.
513
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,416
Everyone settle.
514
00:27:33,500 --> 00:27:35,124
Mamaste.
515
00:27:35,125 --> 00:27:36,415
Mamaste.
516
00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:41,707
Let's all take a slow breath
into our space of motherhood.
517
00:27:41,708 --> 00:27:44,207
Inhale and pull up
from the vagina.
518
00:27:45,791 --> 00:27:49,624
And exhale through
your butthole.
519
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:55,999
Up, up, up through the vagina.
520
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,915
And out the anus butt.
521
00:28:04,666 --> 00:28:06,707
Now open your eyes.
522
00:28:06,708 --> 00:28:08,124
Welcome.
523
00:28:08,125 --> 00:28:10,707
Before we begin, any
new mamas here today?
524
00:28:10,708 --> 00:28:12,540
There's a new next to me.
525
00:28:12,541 --> 00:28:13,624
Mamaste.
526
00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:15,874
- Mamaste.
- Mamaste.
527
00:28:15,875 --> 00:28:18,499
Mama some. Moccasin.
528
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:20,541
How many weeks are you?
529
00:28:22,291 --> 00:28:23,915
We do the Mayan calendar,
530
00:28:23,916 --> 00:28:27,457
so it's like Labor
Day, leap year,
531
00:28:27,458 --> 00:28:28,625
Thanksgiving.
532
00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:32,165
Sorry, I'm in my space
still, but do your class.
533
00:28:32,166 --> 00:28:34,500
Let's keep those in now.
534
00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:37,915
You are so very
welcome here today.
535
00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:42,041
Now let's all get into happy baby
or whatever pose feels right to you.
536
00:29:05,791 --> 00:29:06,833
Okay...
537
00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:11,916
Hmm... Oh!
538
00:29:12,708 --> 00:29:15,832
Holy fuck! Oh, God.
539
00:29:15,833 --> 00:29:17,415
I'm okay. I'm fine.
540
00:29:17,416 --> 00:29:20,415
- Please don't touch me.
- I just want to make sure that the baby...
541
00:29:20,416 --> 00:29:22,540
Hey, hey, step away from her.
542
00:29:22,541 --> 00:29:24,583
If she wants help, she will ask.
543
00:29:34,083 --> 00:29:35,625
Hey, hey.
544
00:29:36,125 --> 00:29:39,499
Thank you so much for
standing up for me in there.
545
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:41,207
Of course. Are you okay?
546
00:29:41,208 --> 00:29:42,707
Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Yeah.
547
00:29:42,708 --> 00:29:45,374
The energy in there was
just like a little nuts.
548
00:29:45,375 --> 00:29:48,207
- Right, yeah.
- Thought I would try the yoga thing...
549
00:29:48,208 --> 00:29:50,499
but that was
obviously not for me.
550
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:53,915
It smelled like a fucking
queef salad in there.
551
00:29:53,916 --> 00:29:55,374
Yeah, it did.
552
00:29:55,375 --> 00:29:57,125
Right? It's disgusting.
553
00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:59,332
- Yeah. I'm Megan.
- Lainy.
554
00:29:59,333 --> 00:30:03,332
Ugh, my hormones are out of control,
and my husband is driving me insane.
555
00:30:03,333 --> 00:30:04,874
I'm sure I don't
have to tell you.
556
00:30:04,875 --> 00:30:09,416
Well, actually, I don't have a husband,
so you probably do have to tell me.
557
00:30:10,583 --> 00:30:12,291
Oh, because I...
558
00:30:13,291 --> 00:30:15,040
We're not together.
559
00:30:15,041 --> 00:30:17,957
I'm single, doing it alone.
560
00:30:17,958 --> 00:30:19,790
Bless you, that is so brave.
561
00:30:19,791 --> 00:30:21,541
- Thank you. Yeah.
- Yeah.
562
00:30:22,166 --> 00:30:24,374
How's it going? How's
your pregnancy going?
563
00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:25,541
Perfect...
564
00:30:27,333 --> 00:30:29,749
ly sucky.
565
00:30:29,750 --> 00:30:30,957
- God, it sucks.
- Yeah.
566
00:30:30,958 --> 00:30:34,374
Right? I hope this little shit
appreciates everything I'm going through.
567
00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:35,457
- Well, it won't.
- Right.
568
00:30:35,458 --> 00:30:36,458
How are your nipples?
569
00:30:37,291 --> 00:30:38,124
Real big.
570
00:30:38,125 --> 00:30:40,458
No, no, no, I
meant, are they dry?
571
00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:42,832
Because mine are like scones.
572
00:30:42,833 --> 00:30:45,915
So dry. I thought
it was the only one.
573
00:30:45,916 --> 00:30:47,665
No, I have the best nipple balm.
574
00:30:47,666 --> 00:30:49,082
Really? Wow.
575
00:30:49,083 --> 00:30:52,165
- You should get some of this.
- Oh my God. Yes. Thank you so much.
576
00:30:52,166 --> 00:30:53,416
God, I need it.
577
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,915
Ugh!
578
00:30:55,916 --> 00:30:57,332
Is that a normal amount or...
579
00:30:57,333 --> 00:30:59,790
A little bit actually does
go a pretty long way...
580
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,290
- but that's okay.
- Thank God.
581
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:03,916
Oh, little bit? Okay. I'll
put the rest of it back.
582
00:31:04,708 --> 00:31:06,332
Actually, why don't you keep it?
583
00:31:06,333 --> 00:31:08,165
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, totally.
584
00:31:08,166 --> 00:31:09,374
- That's so nice.
- Yeah.
585
00:31:09,375 --> 00:31:11,457
I wish I had something
cool to give you.
586
00:31:11,458 --> 00:31:12,915
- You're so funny.
- Thank you.
587
00:31:12,916 --> 00:31:14,832
Is it weird if I
ask you to hang out?
588
00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:16,665
No, no, I would
love to hang out.
589
00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:18,124
- Amazing.
- Yes.
590
00:31:18,125 --> 00:31:19,874
Oh, fancy seeing you here.
591
00:31:19,875 --> 00:31:23,665
- There's my guys.
- Oh my God. So cute.
592
00:31:23,666 --> 00:31:25,124
- Yeah.
- Hi.
593
00:31:25,125 --> 00:31:27,999
Cute little face almost
tore my asshole open.
594
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,332
Why don't you come over
for dinner this week?
595
00:31:30,333 --> 00:31:31,832
- Hey!
- Put yourself in. Here.
596
00:31:31,833 --> 00:31:33,790
- Okay.
- And I'm Steve, by the way.
597
00:31:33,791 --> 00:31:35,332
- Hi.
- Sorry, my husband, Steve.
598
00:31:35,333 --> 00:31:36,415
Congratulations.
599
00:31:36,416 --> 00:31:37,791
On what?
600
00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:41,166
On being preg... pregnant?
601
00:31:41,875 --> 00:31:44,290
Oh, yeah, I am pregnant.
602
00:31:44,291 --> 00:31:46,541
- Oh...
- Sorry, I...
603
00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:50,416
Pregnant, loving it,
but hating it. Ugh! God.
604
00:31:51,541 --> 00:31:53,415
- Right?
- All right. Well, we'll see you later.
605
00:31:53,416 --> 00:31:54,790
Yeah. Nice to meet you.
606
00:31:54,791 --> 00:31:56,790
Nice to meet you.
Bye, little cutie.
607
00:31:56,791 --> 00:31:58,540
Why are you so early?
608
00:31:58,541 --> 00:31:59,582
Was that early?
609
00:31:59,583 --> 00:32:01,333
What the fuck am I doing?
610
00:32:09,791 --> 00:32:11,749
Thanks for coming to this.
611
00:32:11,750 --> 00:32:13,582
Hey, I want to
spend time with you.
612
00:32:13,583 --> 00:32:17,790
If that means I'm going to Shirley's
corny gender reveal party, so be it.
613
00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:22,915
So, I was thinking
about your baby shower,
614
00:32:22,916 --> 00:32:26,540
and I think we should do, like, a
Real Housewives of New Jersey theme.
615
00:32:26,541 --> 00:32:30,582
- Like, big hair, long nails.
- Yeah?
616
00:32:30,583 --> 00:32:32,332
- Like, really go for it.
- Yeah.
617
00:32:32,333 --> 00:32:36,750
Well, um, it's just going to
have to be a joint baby shower.
618
00:32:37,458 --> 00:32:38,458
Joint with who?
619
00:32:40,958 --> 00:32:44,457
Oh, my God, you're
so pretty! Oh, oh...
620
00:32:44,458 --> 00:32:46,540
Sad. Your life.
621
00:32:46,541 --> 00:32:47,499
Okay.
622
00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:48,915
I'm so proud of you.
623
00:32:48,916 --> 00:32:51,874
Wait, come outside. We are
about to do the reveal. Ah, ah!
624
00:32:51,875 --> 00:32:53,915
- So squishy. Okay, come on, guys.
- Okay.
625
00:32:53,916 --> 00:32:56,207
Piñata time! Let's go.
626
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:58,790
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
627
00:32:58,791 --> 00:33:01,957
Gather round, mother fingerers,
I want to make a toast.
628
00:33:01,958 --> 00:33:05,749
Well, looks like I got
my baby girl pregnant.
629
00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:08,082
Whoopsie daisy.
630
00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:10,957
Turns out my scrote gravy's
more potent than I thought,
631
00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:13,540
shooting premium gasolina.
632
00:33:13,541 --> 00:33:16,457
This guy's the reason
there's so many lesbians now.
633
00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:18,874
All right, should we fuck
up this baby or what?
634
00:33:18,875 --> 00:33:21,624
Hold on! I want to do a speech.
635
00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:22,832
It's my time, baby.
636
00:33:22,833 --> 00:33:24,332
- Yeah, go ahead.
- I love you.
637
00:33:24,333 --> 00:33:25,707
- I love you.
- I love you.
638
00:33:25,708 --> 00:33:26,874
Aw.
639
00:33:26,875 --> 00:33:29,207
- I'm going to go kill myself.
- No, no, no.
640
00:33:29,208 --> 00:33:32,457
So, we weren't sure if it should
be Rawn or me who whack the piñata
641
00:33:32,458 --> 00:33:34,124
to reveal our baby's gender.
642
00:33:34,125 --> 00:33:37,082
But we have finally
decided that the honor
643
00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:40,249
should go to someone who's gone
through some really tough times lately.
644
00:33:40,250 --> 00:33:43,832
So, I thought this might lift that
200-pound spirit off the ground.
645
00:33:43,833 --> 00:33:46,707
Lainy, get up here
and whack this baby!
646
00:33:48,125 --> 00:33:49,582
- Lucky.
- Stop.
647
00:33:49,583 --> 00:33:52,040
Uh, yeah, I'd rather not.
648
00:33:52,041 --> 00:33:53,041
Boo!
649
00:33:54,916 --> 00:33:56,707
Go. Come on.
650
00:33:56,708 --> 00:33:58,790
Okay, got it. Thank you.
651
00:33:58,791 --> 00:34:00,915
- Yeah, give it a whack!
- Okay.
652
00:34:02,375 --> 00:34:05,540
Okay, I really don't understand
why I'm the one doing this.
653
00:34:08,333 --> 00:34:09,625
Fuck the haters.
654
00:34:13,250 --> 00:34:14,915
I'm okay. I'm okay.
655
00:34:16,458 --> 00:34:18,540
- Oh my God!
- She can't swim!
656
00:34:18,541 --> 00:34:20,416
- Shit.
- She can't swim!
657
00:34:21,458 --> 00:34:22,583
Hang on!
658
00:34:23,416 --> 00:34:26,540
It's a girl! It's red inside!
659
00:34:26,541 --> 00:34:30,166
It's blood! That's your blood!
660
00:34:31,041 --> 00:34:32,499
Whoo!
661
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:33,583
I'm gonna...
662
00:34:34,708 --> 00:34:36,665
- Oh, God.
- Fuck you, Lainy!
663
00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:51,875
She can't swim!
664
00:34:53,250 --> 00:34:54,832
- Lainy, hi.
- Hi.
665
00:34:54,833 --> 00:34:56,832
- Come in.
- Thank you. Thank you.
666
00:34:56,833 --> 00:34:59,249
- Oh my God. It's so nice.
- Oh, thank you.
667
00:34:59,250 --> 00:35:03,125
Yeah. I brought you a book.
I think you'll dig her.
668
00:35:03,708 --> 00:35:05,499
Why are you so sweet?
669
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:07,040
I'm just a really great person.
670
00:35:07,041 --> 00:35:08,374
Should I take my shoes off or...
671
00:35:08,375 --> 00:35:11,540
Uh, yeah, I mean only if you
don't mind stepping on food.
672
00:35:11,541 --> 00:35:14,291
Our place is so dirty, it
should just be condemned.
673
00:35:16,708 --> 00:35:19,374
Hey, he's got the
knives again, Steve!
674
00:35:19,375 --> 00:35:20,375
I'm on it!
675
00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:25,375
Sorry.
676
00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:27,750
Connor!
677
00:35:29,625 --> 00:35:31,708
Connor, come here, buddy!
678
00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,040
Connor!
679
00:35:36,041 --> 00:35:37,874
- Oh, you!
- Hi!
680
00:35:37,875 --> 00:35:38,832
He went that way.
681
00:35:38,833 --> 00:35:39,875
- Okay.
- Yeah.
682
00:35:42,916 --> 00:35:45,290
I've had such a day.
683
00:35:45,291 --> 00:35:48,290
And this gives me such bad
heartburn, but I don't even care.
684
00:35:48,291 --> 00:35:50,083
- Thank you.
- Of course.
685
00:35:50,958 --> 00:35:55,875
To treating pregnant women like
people and believing in science.
686
00:35:56,666 --> 00:35:57,665
Hear, hear!
687
00:35:57,666 --> 00:35:59,582
- Cheers.
- Cheers, thank you.
688
00:35:59,583 --> 00:36:02,374
Daddy saves the
day. No harm done.
689
00:36:02,375 --> 00:36:03,375
Amazing.
690
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,915
Oh, and I hope you don't mind, but
I invited my brother to dinner.
691
00:36:06,916 --> 00:36:08,499
He just moved into our garage.
692
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,290
You make him sound like a loser.
693
00:36:10,291 --> 00:36:11,915
Well, just temporarily.
694
00:36:11,916 --> 00:36:13,832
Broke up with this horse twat.
695
00:36:13,833 --> 00:36:17,166
Ever since then, he's just, like,
been walking around in sweats.
696
00:36:17,791 --> 00:36:18,999
Pathetic.
697
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:19,915
Mmm.
698
00:36:19,916 --> 00:36:21,333
You don't drink, Steve?
699
00:36:21,958 --> 00:36:24,457
No. I am in the program.
700
00:36:24,458 --> 00:36:27,082
Yeah, child of an
alcoholic right here...
701
00:36:27,083 --> 00:36:28,832
- so I get it.
- Oh, no, no.
702
00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:33,165
I'm just a pretty big follower
of Jada's Red Table Talk.
703
00:36:33,166 --> 00:36:34,124
Mmm.
704
00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:37,249
And she thinks it's
harmful for men to drink.
705
00:36:37,250 --> 00:36:39,999
- Great.
- Plus, I'm a really angry drunk.
706
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,999
Like, terrible.
707
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,374
- Steve.
- I don't remember, but it happens.
708
00:36:43,375 --> 00:36:44,375
I do.
709
00:36:45,458 --> 00:36:48,582
Oh. Speak of the queen.
New episode, just dropped.
710
00:36:48,583 --> 00:36:51,040
- Perfect timing.
- See y'all later.
711
00:36:52,916 --> 00:36:55,332
The deadbeat crashing
in your garage is here.
712
00:36:55,333 --> 00:36:56,333
Hi.
713
00:36:56,958 --> 00:36:58,457
Oh, my God, Latte.
714
00:36:58,458 --> 00:36:59,457
What?
715
00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:00,458
Lainy.
716
00:37:01,416 --> 00:37:02,665
Wow.
717
00:37:02,666 --> 00:37:04,207
You guys know each other?
718
00:37:04,208 --> 00:37:07,165
- Yeah, we do. We met a few weeks ago...
- Yeah.
719
00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:08,958
But you didn't seem
like you were...
720
00:37:10,750 --> 00:37:11,999
Rockin' a baby?
721
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,250
Yeah, exactly.
722
00:37:13,875 --> 00:37:17,332
Old Navy clothes. You can
hide anything in there, right?
723
00:37:17,333 --> 00:37:18,832
Wow.
724
00:37:18,833 --> 00:37:21,832
- This is nuts.
- Where did you two meet?
725
00:37:21,833 --> 00:37:24,749
A coffee shop. I feel like
I was just buying coffee,
726
00:37:24,750 --> 00:37:27,999
and then he just came up to me
and started talking my ear off.
727
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,249
And usually I wouldn't
talk to a stranger,
728
00:37:30,250 --> 00:37:32,332
but it seemed like he
really needed someone.
729
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:35,540
Yeah, and Lainy got some
kind of pudding milkshake?
730
00:37:35,541 --> 00:37:37,915
Huh. Was it a pudding
milk... It was...
731
00:37:37,916 --> 00:37:41,249
I remember there being a lot more
nutrition in it than that, but...
732
00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:43,624
- Should've gotten a double. Yeah.
- I did.
733
00:37:43,625 --> 00:37:45,582
- Oh, you did? Okay.
- I actually did.
734
00:37:46,958 --> 00:37:49,583
So, is your husband here?
735
00:37:50,166 --> 00:37:52,332
I don't have a husband.
736
00:37:52,333 --> 00:37:54,415
Wow. Josh. That's very subtle.
737
00:37:54,416 --> 00:37:56,332
What? I can, you
know, ask anything.
738
00:37:56,333 --> 00:37:58,665
It's not like I'm saying,
"Hey, are you single?"
739
00:37:58,666 --> 00:38:00,040
I mean, you're single, though?
740
00:38:00,041 --> 00:38:00,999
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
741
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,082
This is just from, like,
a one-night thing, so...
742
00:38:04,083 --> 00:38:06,165
- Okay. I mean, great.
- Yeah.
743
00:38:06,166 --> 00:38:07,333
On Thanksgiving.
744
00:38:07,916 --> 00:38:08,749
Really?
745
00:38:08,750 --> 00:38:09,832
Wow.
746
00:38:09,833 --> 00:38:12,415
- Yeah.
- People usually stay home on Thanksgiving.
747
00:38:12,416 --> 00:38:13,332
What a rebel.
748
00:38:13,333 --> 00:38:15,790
Yeah. Not me. I get
right out there.
749
00:38:15,791 --> 00:38:20,625
I get those sweet
Black Friday-eve deals.
750
00:38:21,458 --> 00:38:23,915
You got pregnant at
a Black Friday sale?
751
00:38:23,916 --> 00:38:29,500
Yep. Nothing gets me riled up
like a coupon for a Vitamix.
752
00:38:31,291 --> 00:38:32,499
Yeah.
753
00:38:32,500 --> 00:38:36,582
- Anybody want tea? I could go for some.
- Sure.
754
00:38:36,583 --> 00:38:39,207
- Can we make tea?
- No, please. Yeah. Here, I got some.
755
00:38:39,208 --> 00:38:41,375
- I'll have some black tea.
- Oh.
756
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,040
Black tea. Cool guy.
757
00:38:44,041 --> 00:38:46,749
That's me. You know, throw
some honey in my shit.
758
00:38:46,750 --> 00:38:48,790
Did I tell you I'm a tea-cher?
759
00:38:48,791 --> 00:38:50,375
You did not tell me that.
760
00:38:50,958 --> 00:38:51,790
What do you do?
761
00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:55,874
I am the Chief Zamboni
Officer at Wollman Rink.
762
00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:58,082
- Wow. Cool.
- Fire.
763
00:38:58,083 --> 00:39:00,457
Yeah, fire. Or whatever
my students say.
764
00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:03,625
- No, no, no. You're on fire!
- Oh my God! I'm on fire!
765
00:39:04,291 --> 00:39:05,500
- Where's my phone?
- Lainy!
766
00:39:06,291 --> 00:39:07,666
Oh, my God! The baby!
767
00:39:08,375 --> 00:39:09,749
She knows about the baby!
768
00:39:09,750 --> 00:39:12,207
- Fuck this.
- No! Steve!
769
00:39:12,208 --> 00:39:14,707
Ten years! Are you kidding me?
770
00:39:14,708 --> 00:39:16,915
Goddammit!
771
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:23,332
♪ Don't everybody like
The taste of apple pie? ♪
772
00:39:23,333 --> 00:39:26,165
♪ We'll snap for yo' slice of
life I'm tellin' ya why... ♪
773
00:39:27,291 --> 00:39:30,291
Lainy, are you okay
in there? Can I help?
774
00:39:30,916 --> 00:39:31,916
Um...
775
00:39:32,666 --> 00:39:34,415
No, no, no. I'm all good.
776
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:37,374
It's just a tiny burn. It's very
little. Don't worry about me.
777
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,665
I'm a teacher.
778
00:39:38,666 --> 00:39:41,500
We deal with this sort
of thing all the time.
779
00:39:42,083 --> 00:39:44,290
Kids light themselves on fire?
780
00:39:44,291 --> 00:39:47,874
I'm fine. Okay? Don't
even think about it.
781
00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,707
Okay, I'm coming in, but no
touching without permission.
782
00:39:50,708 --> 00:39:52,499
- I promise.
- No, no, no. Hold on.
783
00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:54,374
Give me just one second.
784
00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:56,374
- You watch him.
- Yeah.
785
00:40:00,708 --> 00:40:02,041
Borrowed your robe.
786
00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:04,166
You borrowed Steve's robe.
787
00:40:09,791 --> 00:40:13,665
I'm okay, by the way. Like,
I'm cool to go back out.
788
00:40:13,666 --> 00:40:14,582
No, no, please.
789
00:40:14,583 --> 00:40:17,082
Can we just stay here for
like five more minutes?
790
00:40:17,083 --> 00:40:18,083
Yeah.
791
00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:19,749
Yeah.
792
00:40:23,166 --> 00:40:25,041
It's just all so isolating.
793
00:40:26,416 --> 00:40:27,665
Yeah.
794
00:40:27,666 --> 00:40:29,416
And you haven't
even had one yet.
795
00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:31,208
Right.
796
00:40:32,666 --> 00:40:33,916
They don't tell you.
797
00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:38,000
Women don't share what it's
like, what really happens.
798
00:40:39,041 --> 00:40:41,207
- With pregnancy?
- With birth.
799
00:40:41,208 --> 00:40:43,416
Think about it. How many
birth stories do you know?
800
00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:47,707
- None.
- Exactly.
801
00:40:47,708 --> 00:40:50,457
I mean, some will talk about
how many hours they labored for,
802
00:40:50,458 --> 00:40:52,625
but that's it.
803
00:40:53,791 --> 00:40:54,749
Why is that?
804
00:40:54,750 --> 00:40:57,415
Because you go through this
whole thing, this whole trauma,
805
00:40:57,416 --> 00:40:59,832
and then just, bam,
right away, you're a mom.
806
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:03,290
No time to process what's just
happened or what's about to happen.
807
00:41:03,291 --> 00:41:04,291
Right.
808
00:41:06,666 --> 00:41:08,625
Did you have trauma with Connor?
809
00:41:09,250 --> 00:41:12,040
It was actually
after he came out.
810
00:41:12,041 --> 00:41:13,665
Everything went awry.
811
00:41:13,666 --> 00:41:15,833
I started bleeding
out a lot, and...
812
00:41:16,791 --> 00:41:18,040
Um...
813
00:41:18,041 --> 00:41:21,790
He was on my chest, so I
was actually in heaven.
814
00:41:21,791 --> 00:41:23,000
I was so fine.
815
00:41:23,625 --> 00:41:27,040
But what was happening wasn't okay.
I was just losing a lot of blood.
816
00:41:27,041 --> 00:41:29,833
And it was the first
time I saw Steve scared.
817
00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:33,000
Did you think you were
going to, like, die?
818
00:41:34,291 --> 00:41:35,291
Maybe.
819
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:42,833
God.
820
00:41:43,541 --> 00:41:44,958
Did I just scare you?
821
00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:48,207
No.
822
00:41:48,208 --> 00:41:49,583
Can't wait.
823
00:41:52,791 --> 00:41:55,708
Did your mom talk to
you about your birth?
824
00:41:57,916 --> 00:42:00,457
My mom died when I
was like six, so...
825
00:42:00,458 --> 00:42:01,915
I'm sorry, Lainy.
826
00:42:01,916 --> 00:42:03,208
It's okay.
827
00:42:03,875 --> 00:42:06,541
God, it's so nice to
talk to someone real.
828
00:42:10,791 --> 00:42:13,458
Meg, I have to
tell you something.
829
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,457
I get it. We want to
be pregnant so badly,
830
00:42:17,458 --> 00:42:19,790
and then we finally are,
and it's out of our control.
831
00:42:19,791 --> 00:42:20,832
It's scary.
832
00:42:20,833 --> 00:42:23,958
My postpartum was so bad with
Connor, I didn't think I'd make it.
833
00:42:25,333 --> 00:42:27,957
It's not that. I, um...
834
00:42:27,958 --> 00:42:31,875
But to see you doing it,
and how brave you are...
835
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:34,583
you give me strength.
836
00:42:36,750 --> 00:42:40,332
Can you smell that? It's like
burnt plastic or something.
837
00:42:40,333 --> 00:42:41,541
No.
838
00:42:42,416 --> 00:42:44,624
So I gave him my
number. Maybe he calls.
839
00:42:44,625 --> 00:42:48,000
I have no idea what I'm even
hoping for at this point.
840
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:51,249
You know what I'm hoping?
841
00:42:51,250 --> 00:42:53,582
I'm hoping that you get
the psychological help
842
00:42:53,583 --> 00:42:55,207
that you so desperately need.
843
00:42:55,208 --> 00:42:57,957
Because you need help. You
need not a little help.
844
00:42:57,958 --> 00:43:00,082
You need a paramedic.
845
00:43:00,083 --> 00:43:02,915
You need an ICU nurse.
You need a doctor.
846
00:43:02,916 --> 00:43:04,249
You need a psychologist.
847
00:43:04,250 --> 00:43:06,999
You need a dentist and a
proctologist to work together
848
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,749
and meet each
other in the middle
849
00:43:08,750 --> 00:43:11,624
near your foam belly and
sort all of that shit out
850
00:43:11,625 --> 00:43:13,540
and, boom, pull it out!
851
00:43:13,541 --> 00:43:17,040
How dare you walk around
with that fake fucking belly!
852
00:43:17,041 --> 00:43:18,790
Can you keep it down?
853
00:43:18,791 --> 00:43:21,457
{\an8}I could. But I won't.
854
00:43:21,458 --> 00:43:24,040
You don't just
wake up one morning
855
00:43:24,041 --> 00:43:27,499
and strap it on and now all of a sudden
you're all fabulous and pregnant.
856
00:43:27,500 --> 00:43:28,874
That's not how it works.
857
00:43:28,875 --> 00:43:32,375
Honestly, what's going to happen if
someone you know catches you with this?
858
00:43:33,708 --> 00:43:36,040
What am I going to do?
859
00:43:36,041 --> 00:43:37,790
You'll have a
little miscarriage.
860
00:43:37,791 --> 00:43:40,457
Oh my God. Little Susan.
861
00:43:40,458 --> 00:43:44,124
You had all of the
names in the world
862
00:43:44,125 --> 00:43:46,499
and that's what you landed
on for your fake baby?
863
00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:47,874
Why am I listening to you?
864
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:50,582
You have three active
restraining orders against you.
865
00:43:50,583 --> 00:43:54,040
Which says to me there
are three people out there
866
00:43:54,041 --> 00:43:58,415
who sees my passion, who
knows that I'm a go-getter.
867
00:43:58,416 --> 00:43:59,499
Not you.
868
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:02,290
"I gave my number to
someone, I hope they call."
869
00:44:02,291 --> 00:44:03,415
Do I do that?
870
00:44:03,416 --> 00:44:05,457
Fuck no! I show
up at their work.
871
00:44:05,458 --> 00:44:08,207
I show up at their house. I
show up at their mother's house.
872
00:44:08,208 --> 00:44:10,624
I'm fucking everywhere.
And that is why...
873
00:44:10,625 --> 00:44:13,665
Okay, well thank you so much
for this very helpful feedback.
874
00:44:13,666 --> 00:44:14,916
You're welcome.
875
00:44:16,250 --> 00:44:17,833
Logan, get in here.
876
00:44:20,458 --> 00:44:21,791
Results are back.
877
00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:24,332
As predicted,
878
00:44:24,333 --> 00:44:25,582
you're stupid.
879
00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:27,749
Thanks for shopping with me.
880
00:44:27,750 --> 00:44:29,999
Mark does not give one
shit about this baby.
881
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:30,999
He does.
882
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,082
No, I don't even think
he knows the due date.
883
00:44:33,083 --> 00:44:34,749
I'm sure he knows the due date.
884
00:44:34,750 --> 00:44:36,333
Mark, what's the due date?
885
00:44:36,958 --> 00:44:38,165
I'm not hungry, babe.
886
00:44:38,166 --> 00:44:39,582
- Exactly.
- He's probably...
887
00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:41,875
Exactly. Let's check
out the baby monitors.
888
00:44:42,666 --> 00:44:44,665
Why is all this shit
in black and white?
889
00:44:44,666 --> 00:44:47,665
I don't want the nursery to look
like Tim Burton decorated it.
890
00:44:47,666 --> 00:44:50,915
Well, babies can only see black and
white in the first couple months.
891
00:44:50,916 --> 00:44:52,207
- Really?
- You didn't know that?
892
00:44:52,208 --> 00:44:53,290
Where did you hear that?
893
00:44:53,291 --> 00:44:54,874
Precious Little Strangers.
894
00:44:54,875 --> 00:44:57,124
Precious Little...
What is that? What?
895
00:44:57,125 --> 00:44:58,665
It's an Instagram account.
896
00:44:58,666 --> 00:45:01,040
You should be following it.
I'm surprised you're not.
897
00:45:01,041 --> 00:45:02,875
Like every pregnant
woman follows it.
898
00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:05,790
Okay, not every pregnant woman.
899
00:45:05,791 --> 00:45:08,707
Are you okay? You, like,
don't seem excited.
900
00:45:08,708 --> 00:45:11,790
Well, why are you reading all
this pregnancy stuff anyway?
901
00:45:11,791 --> 00:45:14,833
Because I'm... I want
you to see how...
902
00:45:15,458 --> 00:45:17,583
Like, so I know what
you're going through.
903
00:45:19,125 --> 00:45:21,290
- Well, that's nice.
- Yeah.
904
00:45:21,291 --> 00:45:22,540
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
905
00:45:22,541 --> 00:45:24,249
It's probably just my hormones.
906
00:45:24,250 --> 00:45:25,290
Hi.
907
00:45:25,291 --> 00:45:26,915
No baby?
908
00:45:26,916 --> 00:45:30,332
Way to pour salt on the wound, kid.
He doesn't know what he's saying.
909
00:45:30,333 --> 00:45:31,582
Why no baby?
910
00:45:31,583 --> 00:45:35,124
Not everyone has a baby.
Okay, kid, move along, please.
911
00:45:35,125 --> 00:45:37,374
Me hurt baby?
912
00:45:37,375 --> 00:45:39,790
What a little psycho.
913
00:45:39,791 --> 00:45:41,415
- Yeah, okay. Let's go.
- Connor!
914
00:45:41,416 --> 00:45:42,707
No, that sounds like his mom.
915
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:44,874
- We should...
- No. He needs to find his own way.
916
00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:48,000
- It's the only chance he'll learn.
- Stop! We've got to find his parents.
917
00:45:50,125 --> 00:45:52,332
- Are you hiding?
- I'm relaxing.
918
00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:54,125
What are you hiding from?
919
00:45:55,250 --> 00:45:57,457
Where did you go?
Connor, come back here!
920
00:45:59,083 --> 00:46:01,458
Connor? Come back here, please!
921
00:46:04,625 --> 00:46:05,708
Balls.
922
00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:07,916
Connor!
923
00:46:13,291 --> 00:46:14,832
Oh, there you are.
924
00:46:14,833 --> 00:46:18,750
Don't run away like that again,
okay? Ever, ever, ever. Come here.
925
00:46:20,041 --> 00:46:21,041
Lainy!
926
00:46:27,833 --> 00:46:29,165
Hey.
927
00:46:29,166 --> 00:46:30,957
Steve, what the hell?
928
00:46:30,958 --> 00:46:34,332
It's called an empathy
bump, all right?
929
00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:36,416
So that I can feel your pain.
930
00:46:37,125 --> 00:46:40,207
And, babe, I've got to
say, really not that bad.
931
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:42,166
- Get the Mazda.
- Yeah.
932
00:46:43,583 --> 00:46:44,791
Let's go.
933
00:46:45,916 --> 00:46:46,832
Where's Lainy?
934
00:46:46,833 --> 00:46:49,333
I don't know. She
just disappeared.
935
00:46:49,916 --> 00:46:51,915
I'm really worried
about her, you know?
936
00:46:51,916 --> 00:46:54,332
No. You need to worry
about yourself, okay?
937
00:46:54,333 --> 00:46:56,625
Lainy is a self-sabotager.
938
00:46:57,250 --> 00:46:58,332
Ugh.
939
00:46:58,333 --> 00:47:00,541
I can tell you just
learned that phrase.
940
00:47:01,375 --> 00:47:04,416
No... What gave it away?
941
00:47:15,125 --> 00:47:17,249
- Hello?
- Hey, Lainy, it's Josh.
942
00:47:17,250 --> 00:47:19,582
I hope I didn't catch
you at a bad time.
943
00:47:19,583 --> 00:47:26,208
No, no. I was just, um,
reading to, uh, sick animals.
944
00:47:26,875 --> 00:47:28,874
Oh. That's nice.
945
00:47:28,875 --> 00:47:32,000
Look, I just wanted to see if you
wanted to come by the rink this week.
946
00:47:33,875 --> 00:47:36,082
Oh, gosh, let me
check my schedule.
947
00:47:36,083 --> 00:47:39,582
I'm so busy. Oh! Looks like
I'm free. I'll be there.
948
00:47:39,583 --> 00:47:41,832
Okay, well, how about tomorrow?
949
00:47:41,833 --> 00:47:42,999
That'd be great.
950
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,790
Okay, awesome. I guess
I'll see you tomorrow.
951
00:47:45,791 --> 00:47:47,125
See you there.
952
00:47:49,791 --> 00:47:52,083
Things are looking up.
953
00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:08,999
God, this feels so good. I haven't
done this since I was a teen.
954
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:10,291
It never gets old.
955
00:48:10,875 --> 00:48:12,750
It's the best job in the world.
956
00:48:15,708 --> 00:48:18,582
♪ She don't trust weathermen
Holidays, born-agains ♪
957
00:48:18,583 --> 00:48:20,499
♪ Anything that models peace ♪
958
00:48:20,500 --> 00:48:23,665
I just loved books. I know
it's corny, but, like,
959
00:48:23,666 --> 00:48:26,290
they changed my
life. And poetry.
960
00:48:26,291 --> 00:48:28,915
- Who's your favorite?
- Anne Sexton.
961
00:48:31,291 --> 00:48:32,624
Ever hear of her?
962
00:48:32,625 --> 00:48:35,249
Who hasn't heard of
Anne Sexton? You know?
963
00:48:35,250 --> 00:48:36,207
You?
964
00:48:36,208 --> 00:48:38,749
Yes, me is one of those people.
965
00:48:38,750 --> 00:48:41,166
Am I better on the ice than
you thought I was gonna be?
966
00:48:42,166 --> 00:48:43,166
Fuck!
967
00:48:44,333 --> 00:48:45,624
- You okay?
- Yeah.
968
00:48:45,625 --> 00:48:47,105
- What if you just kinda like...
- Oh!
969
00:48:48,416 --> 00:48:51,415
All right, team...
970
00:48:51,416 --> 00:48:53,332
- Sorry, I'm a little...
- Nice job!
971
00:48:53,333 --> 00:48:55,290
♪ Take her out dancing ♪
972
00:48:55,291 --> 00:48:59,249
♪ Mister, you're
missing it still ♪
973
00:48:59,250 --> 00:49:00,416
Oh my God!
974
00:49:02,541 --> 00:49:04,540
You know how to do
anything cool, though?
975
00:49:08,333 --> 00:49:09,582
♪ I don't know how to act ♪
976
00:49:09,583 --> 00:49:12,582
♪ Slow motion for me,
slow motion for me ♪
977
00:49:12,583 --> 00:49:15,333
♪ Slow motion for me Move
in slow motion for me ♪
978
00:49:18,083 --> 00:49:20,583
How'd you know you
were ready to be a mom?
979
00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:24,000
Oh...
980
00:49:25,208 --> 00:49:26,208
I mean...
981
00:49:26,958 --> 00:49:28,166
Everyone wants that.
982
00:49:28,916 --> 00:49:29,916
You wanna...
983
00:49:31,333 --> 00:49:32,750
get married and have a baby.
984
00:49:33,375 --> 00:49:34,708
Why shouldn't I want that?
985
00:49:35,291 --> 00:49:36,374
No, I mean, I know...
986
00:49:36,375 --> 00:49:39,290
I knew I wanted kids
at a weirdly young age.
987
00:49:39,291 --> 00:49:40,791
That's amazing. I...
988
00:49:42,375 --> 00:49:44,624
You're so lucky you
have your sister.
989
00:49:44,625 --> 00:49:46,915
- I don't have siblings.
- Yeah.
990
00:49:46,916 --> 00:49:49,957
I, you know, I don't have family,
so I don't wanna be alone.
991
00:49:49,958 --> 00:49:52,791
I've always known
I want a family.
992
00:49:54,208 --> 00:49:57,333
I'm just getting a little worried
that that's not in the cards for me.
993
00:49:58,500 --> 00:49:59,500
What?
994
00:50:00,458 --> 00:50:03,290
I mean, not the baby.
Like, I'm having a baby.
995
00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:06,582
Yeah, no, you know, the
partner stuff. Yeah.
996
00:50:06,583 --> 00:50:09,166
It'll happen. You
know what they say.
997
00:50:09,958 --> 00:50:11,708
Kiss a lot of turds, right?
998
00:50:13,125 --> 00:50:14,125
No.
999
00:50:14,541 --> 00:50:16,875
No one says that. It's toads.
1000
00:50:17,375 --> 00:50:19,415
Like "The early
turd gets the worm."
1001
00:50:19,416 --> 00:50:22,290
No, it's bird. "Early
bird gets the worm."
1002
00:50:24,583 --> 00:50:25,749
It is bird.
1003
00:50:25,750 --> 00:50:28,457
But it is "kiss a lot
of turds" for sure.
1004
00:50:31,041 --> 00:50:32,041
Oh, man.
1005
00:50:32,791 --> 00:50:35,499
See that guy messing up
the ice with his skates?
1006
00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:36,916
He's doing it on purpose.
1007
00:50:37,541 --> 00:50:40,915
Hey! Stop fucking up the
ice, you piece of shit!
1008
00:50:40,916 --> 00:50:43,125
We could have you
killed in minutes!
1009
00:50:46,166 --> 00:50:48,499
Do you guys have any hot
chocolate around here?
1010
00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:49,500
Yeah.
1011
00:50:50,791 --> 00:50:52,457
You gotta be shitting me.
1012
00:50:52,458 --> 00:50:55,165
We should Photoshop some
dicks into their mouths.
1013
00:50:58,458 --> 00:51:01,790
I was coming over to ask if you
thought it was over the top.
1014
00:51:01,791 --> 00:51:03,332
I guess I have my answer.
1015
00:51:03,333 --> 00:51:06,541
No, I mean, I love it. I love it.
I think it's quite provocative.
1016
00:51:07,541 --> 00:51:09,624
I'll give you boys some privacy.
1017
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:13,832
Um, I'm sorry. I was, like, just
trying to make crazy-ass Fallon laugh.
1018
00:51:13,833 --> 00:51:14,832
Yeah.
1019
00:51:14,833 --> 00:51:18,499
We were just being funny. It's not
like we're taking that seriously.
1020
00:51:18,500 --> 00:51:19,790
- Yeah, it's ironic.
- Yeah.
1021
00:51:19,791 --> 00:51:22,500
It's, yeah, so, yeah. Sorry.
1022
00:51:23,250 --> 00:51:25,457
I have to talk to you
about something, so...
1023
00:51:25,458 --> 00:51:28,457
Okay. Is it that
you're in love with me?
1024
00:51:28,458 --> 00:51:29,707
Because I already knew.
1025
00:51:29,708 --> 00:51:32,915
No, no, no. No, I just...
1026
00:51:32,916 --> 00:51:34,124
You're scaring me.
1027
00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:35,916
You can't be in
the delivery room.
1028
00:51:37,416 --> 00:51:40,915
What do you mean? Why wouldn't
I be able to be in there?
1029
00:51:40,916 --> 00:51:43,082
If you say Shirley's going
to be in there with you...
1030
00:51:43,083 --> 00:51:44,665
- I'm going to murder someone.
- No.
1031
00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:46,749
She is not going to
be in the room, okay?
1032
00:51:46,750 --> 00:51:49,290
But she did surprise
me and she got a doula,
1033
00:51:49,291 --> 00:51:51,915
and there can only be two
people in the room, so...
1034
00:51:51,916 --> 00:51:56,833
So you're choosing Mark and
some placenta-sniffing midwife
1035
00:51:57,458 --> 00:52:00,165
over your best friend who
you've known your whole life?
1036
00:52:00,166 --> 00:52:02,290
You know what? Can we
just be honest for once?
1037
00:52:02,291 --> 00:52:03,832
Okay, I'm ready to be honest.
1038
00:52:03,833 --> 00:52:05,790
- That sounds nice.
- Great. Let's do it.
1039
00:52:05,791 --> 00:52:07,374
You're pissed
because I'm pregnant.
1040
00:52:07,375 --> 00:52:11,165
No, I'm not. That's so insane
that you would think that.
1041
00:52:11,166 --> 00:52:12,582
I'm so happy for you.
1042
00:52:12,583 --> 00:52:15,374
I've been going
everywhere with you,
1043
00:52:15,375 --> 00:52:18,540
showing you how happy I
am about this pregnancy.
1044
00:52:18,541 --> 00:52:20,665
Yeah, you seem
real happy, Lainy.
1045
00:52:20,666 --> 00:52:21,999
Look, I'm just mad
1046
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:26,207
because you're being a
stupid, tit-faced jerk butt.
1047
00:52:26,208 --> 00:52:29,415
Oh, it is you, my friend,
that has the face of a tit.
1048
00:52:29,416 --> 00:52:31,332
- Really? Me?
- That's what you are.
1049
00:52:31,333 --> 00:52:33,415
All right. Can you
two bitches calm down?
1050
00:52:33,416 --> 00:52:36,207
You can't even come up with
proper fucking swear words.
1051
00:52:36,208 --> 00:52:38,082
I love you both
equally, all right?
1052
00:52:38,083 --> 00:52:39,457
Okay. Forget this.
1053
00:52:39,458 --> 00:52:41,040
Oh, fuck her.
1054
00:52:41,041 --> 00:52:44,207
Ms. Newton, I found
this on the bleachers.
1055
00:52:44,208 --> 00:52:46,250
Oh! Um...
1056
00:52:46,875 --> 00:52:48,165
Oh.
1057
00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:50,874
You did the right thing to
bring it to me. Thank you.
1058
00:52:50,875 --> 00:52:53,458
You don't have to tell anyone
about this. I'll handle it.
1059
00:52:54,333 --> 00:52:55,624
Score.
1060
00:53:00,666 --> 00:53:03,457
So, wait, you were saying,
okay, so then you dated...
1061
00:53:03,458 --> 00:53:06,750
I dated an ice cream
scooper at Casey's Scoops.
1062
00:53:07,541 --> 00:53:10,624
But then I realized I was just,
like, in it for the ice cream...
1063
00:53:10,625 --> 00:53:12,665
and that's just not enough.
1064
00:53:12,666 --> 00:53:14,874
- No.
- You gotta have chemistry, too, right?
1065
00:53:14,875 --> 00:53:17,665
You can also just have ice
cream and not date the scooper.
1066
00:53:17,666 --> 00:53:19,582
I figured that out. I
figured it out too late.
1067
00:53:19,583 --> 00:53:21,124
Ever dated a pregnant woman?
1068
00:53:21,125 --> 00:53:23,540
You're the least pregnant
person I've ever dated.
1069
00:53:23,541 --> 00:53:25,124
Wow. You wait till
they're crowning.
1070
00:53:25,125 --> 00:53:27,916
I want them to be, like, two
weeks away from dropping.
1071
00:53:28,875 --> 00:53:30,666
So are we dating?
1072
00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:35,832
No. I don't know. I mean, I'm
seeing a lot of other people.
1073
00:53:35,833 --> 00:53:36,874
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1074
00:53:36,875 --> 00:53:39,915
- I'm sorry you're in the friend zone.
- The friend zone.
1075
00:53:39,916 --> 00:53:42,874
I thought you were gay until,
like, five minutes ago.
1076
00:53:42,875 --> 00:53:45,833
We can always just joke
around if you want.
1077
00:53:47,375 --> 00:53:49,040
I don't always joke around.
1078
00:53:49,041 --> 00:53:52,040
Okay, no, I'm... you know.
1079
00:53:54,916 --> 00:53:58,875
My nerves are turned on
1080
00:53:59,583 --> 00:54:03,583
I hear them like
musical instruments
1081
00:54:04,708 --> 00:54:06,333
Where there was silence...
1082
00:54:07,625 --> 00:54:08,625
The drums...
1083
00:54:10,833 --> 00:54:14,000
The strings are
incurably playing
1084
00:54:15,291 --> 00:54:16,458
You did this
1085
00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:19,624
Pure genius at work
1086
00:54:19,625 --> 00:54:22,958
Darling, the composer
Has stepped into fire
1087
00:54:25,708 --> 00:54:26,916
Anne Sexton.
1088
00:54:28,583 --> 00:54:29,708
What's it called?
1089
00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:33,000
"The Kiss."
1090
00:54:44,708 --> 00:54:45,707
Oh, sorry.
1091
00:54:45,708 --> 00:54:47,207
- No, I'm sorry.
- No.
1092
00:54:47,208 --> 00:54:48,624
- I'm fine. It's fine.
- It's okay.
1093
00:54:48,625 --> 00:54:51,582
No, I'm just a little self-conscious
about my body right now...
1094
00:54:51,583 --> 00:54:52,915
Oh, yeah.
1095
00:54:52,916 --> 00:54:55,041
You know, I... Sorry.
1096
00:54:58,375 --> 00:54:59,375
You want to dance?
1097
00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:01,375
Yes.
1098
00:55:41,875 --> 00:55:42,875
♪ Anyone ♪
1099
00:55:45,791 --> 00:55:46,791
♪ Anyone ♪
1100
00:55:48,875 --> 00:55:51,708
♪ You can blame me ♪
1101
00:55:52,666 --> 00:55:55,333
♪ Try to shame me ♪
1102
00:55:55,916 --> 00:56:00,250
♪ And still I'll care for you ♪
1103
00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:06,249
♪ You can run around ♪
1104
00:56:07,750 --> 00:56:09,833
- Want to take a break?
- Sure.
1105
00:56:10,833 --> 00:56:12,040
Whoa.
1106
00:56:12,041 --> 00:56:14,040
- Dave.
- Lainy.
1107
00:56:14,041 --> 00:56:17,750
What are you doing here? I
didn't know you liked, um...
1108
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,915
- Drinking on a boat?
- Yeah, that's crazy.
1109
00:56:20,916 --> 00:56:23,625
What the fuck is that?
1110
00:56:25,625 --> 00:56:27,499
Um, I may have
gained some weight.
1111
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:30,499
What? What is going
on? What did you do?
1112
00:56:30,500 --> 00:56:33,333
- What did I do?
- I thought you were on birth control!
1113
00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:35,707
How could you do this to me?
1114
00:56:36,958 --> 00:56:40,332
You're such an asshole. And don't
worry because it's not yours.
1115
00:56:40,333 --> 00:56:42,749
Wait, so... When did you even...
1116
00:56:42,750 --> 00:56:44,000
Thanksgiving.
1117
00:56:44,541 --> 00:56:47,040
- We were at my parents' house in Vermont.
- Mm-hmm.
1118
00:56:47,041 --> 00:56:50,540
- We were together the whole time.
- No, obviously not.
1119
00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:52,083
Not when you were, uh...
1120
00:56:54,375 --> 00:56:56,291
- Asleep?
- Bingo.
1121
00:56:56,875 --> 00:57:01,290
When you were asleep, I
went to Black Friday sales.
1122
00:57:01,291 --> 00:57:04,749
And... fucked somebody
at a Brookstone?
1123
00:57:04,750 --> 00:57:05,875
Costco.
1124
00:57:06,458 --> 00:57:08,165
Because they have the best deals
1125
00:57:08,166 --> 00:57:10,333
and the best dick.
1126
00:57:11,750 --> 00:57:13,540
And I don't even know
what you're looking at.
1127
00:57:13,541 --> 00:57:14,624
What do you even do?
1128
00:57:14,625 --> 00:57:16,165
I'm a scientist.
1129
00:57:16,166 --> 00:57:18,500
That's not a real job.
What do all of you do?
1130
00:57:19,083 --> 00:57:20,875
We're all scientists.
1131
00:57:22,208 --> 00:57:24,999
I've moved on. And I
suggest you do the same.
1132
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:26,416
Excuse me.
1133
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:31,207
Someone actually beautiful
is coming through. Me.
1134
00:57:39,125 --> 00:57:40,375
Surprise!
1135
00:57:41,041 --> 00:57:42,665
- Meg!
- Lainy.
1136
00:57:42,666 --> 00:57:43,915
Hey!
1137
00:57:43,916 --> 00:57:45,582
Oh my God, Lainy.
1138
00:57:45,583 --> 00:57:47,000
Your room is so cute.
1139
00:57:47,583 --> 00:57:49,083
It's so sweet.
1140
00:57:50,083 --> 00:57:52,499
Thank you! That is so nice.
1141
00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:53,791
Oh, I love it.
1142
00:57:54,750 --> 00:57:59,082
What are you doing here in
my... belly of the woods?
1143
00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:02,124
A prenatal depression workshop's
nearby that's supposed to be amazing.
1144
00:58:02,125 --> 00:58:03,666
So I thought I'd
come surprise you.
1145
00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:06,332
Oh, cool. I don't have that.
1146
00:58:06,333 --> 00:58:07,333
Oh.
1147
00:58:07,916 --> 00:58:09,540
Okay, well, I do.
1148
00:58:09,541 --> 00:58:11,833
You're gonna make me
face these chicks alone?
1149
00:58:13,083 --> 00:58:14,083
No.
1150
00:58:14,750 --> 00:58:16,750
I wouldn't do that
to a friend. I'm in.
1151
00:58:19,208 --> 00:58:22,332
- It's supposed to be very therapeutic.
- Okay, great.
1152
00:58:22,333 --> 00:58:24,165
- We'll just give it a go.
- Let's do it.
1153
00:58:24,166 --> 00:58:26,374
- My God, you really popped this week.
- Didn't I?
1154
00:58:26,375 --> 00:58:28,250
Yeah. It just kind of hits.
1155
00:58:33,958 --> 00:58:36,874
I didn't know so many women
got depressed during pregnancy.
1156
00:58:36,875 --> 00:58:40,583
Yeah. Because we're so ashamed for
not just bubbling over with gratitude.
1157
00:58:41,166 --> 00:58:43,957
Excuse me, legitimate
pregnant lady coming through.
1158
00:58:43,958 --> 00:58:44,958
Six weeks.
1159
00:58:45,833 --> 00:58:47,957
Nice boobs. I can say
that. I've got them.
1160
00:58:47,958 --> 00:58:51,250
I've got them too. It's not
offensive if you have them.
1161
00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:54,249
What the hell are
you doing here?
1162
00:58:54,250 --> 00:58:57,040
Oh, I see. Good enough
for thee, but not for me.
1163
00:58:57,041 --> 00:58:58,540
You're a pregnancy tourist.
1164
00:58:58,541 --> 00:59:00,749
- You shouldn't be here.
- You shouldn't be here.
1165
00:59:00,750 --> 00:59:02,249
- You shouldn't.
- You shouldn't.
1166
00:59:02,250 --> 00:59:03,458
Get...
1167
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:05,707
Don't punch my baby!
1168
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:06,916
Hello, ladies.
1169
00:59:07,500 --> 00:59:08,749
How are you guys doing?
1170
00:59:08,750 --> 00:59:10,374
Good.
1171
00:59:10,375 --> 00:59:11,458
Bullshit!
1172
00:59:12,583 --> 00:59:14,749
You don't have to
lie in here, sisters.
1173
00:59:14,750 --> 00:59:16,499
This is a place of truth.
1174
00:59:16,500 --> 00:59:19,583
How do you really feel
during your pregnancies?
1175
00:59:20,708 --> 00:59:21,708
Tell me.
1176
00:59:22,458 --> 00:59:23,500
Come on.
1177
00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:25,415
I'm angry.
1178
00:59:25,416 --> 00:59:27,750
I ate a cupcake out of
the trash can last night.
1179
00:59:28,416 --> 00:59:30,665
My nipples are so dry!
1180
00:59:30,666 --> 00:59:31,875
Yes!
1181
00:59:33,083 --> 00:59:33,957
Thank you.
1182
00:59:33,958 --> 00:59:34,915
I know.
1183
00:59:34,916 --> 00:59:36,458
I've got a hairy butthole.
1184
00:59:37,250 --> 00:59:38,457
What the hell are you doing?
1185
00:59:38,458 --> 00:59:40,415
- I've got a hairy butthole.
- Shut up.
1186
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,290
All right, ladies. We are going
to take a quick pee break,
1187
00:59:50,291 --> 00:59:52,499
which we'll be doing
every three minutes.
1188
00:59:52,500 --> 00:59:55,290
And if you're the one woman who can
still shit while she's pregnant,
1189
00:59:55,291 --> 00:59:56,875
good for you. Now
is your chance.
1190
00:59:57,500 --> 00:59:59,915
- Thank you so much. This is great.
- Of course.
1191
00:59:59,916 --> 01:00:02,250
Get it out. She's amazing.
1192
01:00:02,791 --> 01:00:04,707
Oh, shit. My sitter just bailed.
1193
01:00:04,708 --> 01:00:07,000
Oh, sorry. That sucks.
1194
01:00:07,750 --> 01:00:10,166
Would you mind watching
Connor tomorrow night?
1195
01:00:10,750 --> 01:00:12,499
I don't know.
1196
01:00:12,500 --> 01:00:14,332
Please. It's Steve's birthday.
1197
01:00:14,333 --> 01:00:17,750
Josh has a hockey game he has to work,
and I don't have anybody else to ask.
1198
01:00:18,666 --> 01:00:20,250
It's kind of nice to be needed.
1199
01:00:21,291 --> 01:00:22,374
Yeah, of course.
1200
01:00:22,375 --> 01:00:23,958
We love having you over.
1201
01:00:24,625 --> 01:00:25,916
Josh especially.
1202
01:00:27,125 --> 01:00:29,457
- Really?
- Oh, cool. She's also bailing tonight.
1203
01:00:29,458 --> 01:00:30,541
Okay, I got to go.
1204
01:00:31,083 --> 01:00:34,332
♪ Got a ticket for
the city that's fire ♪
1205
01:00:34,333 --> 01:00:37,750
♪ Tech 9 for the side
that'll fight ya ♪
1206
01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:39,875
Thanks.
1207
01:00:41,125 --> 01:00:44,125
♪ Put your picket down
come on and riot ♪
1208
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,208
Fuck you.
1209
01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:53,125
Hmm.
1210
01:00:55,583 --> 01:00:57,124
- Hi!
- Hi!
1211
01:00:57,125 --> 01:01:00,165
Thank you so much.
You are a lifesaver.
1212
01:01:00,166 --> 01:01:02,457
My pleasure. You look beautiful.
1213
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:03,999
- Thank you. I showered.
- Yeah.
1214
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:05,416
Hey, Connor, off the couch.
1215
01:01:06,166 --> 01:01:08,749
Oh, hey. Uh, guess who
we're going to see?
1216
01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:09,665
Wow.
1217
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:12,124
- Hey, I might shave my head. Why not?
- Do it.
1218
01:01:12,125 --> 01:01:14,332
- Please don't do that.
- Okay, well, have fun.
1219
01:01:14,333 --> 01:01:15,707
- Thank you so much.
- Go.
1220
01:01:15,708 --> 01:01:17,624
I still want to throw
you that shower.
1221
01:01:17,625 --> 01:01:19,290
Okay, no, but go
have a good time.
1222
01:01:19,291 --> 01:01:21,124
- We're fine. We got it.
- Thank you. Bye.
1223
01:01:21,125 --> 01:01:22,375
All right. Bye.
1224
01:01:25,750 --> 01:01:27,083
Hi.
1225
01:01:29,041 --> 01:01:29,999
Hi.
1226
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:31,290
Oh, yeah!
1227
01:01:31,291 --> 01:01:32,499
Do you want this?
1228
01:01:32,500 --> 01:01:34,583
But, yeah, I thought
we were going to...
1229
01:01:36,083 --> 01:01:37,499
get married, start a family.
1230
01:01:39,916 --> 01:01:43,582
Did you ever tell such a big lie
you don't know how to get out of it?
1231
01:01:45,458 --> 01:01:47,457
I ate the whole cookie.
1232
01:01:47,458 --> 01:01:50,124
- Peek-a-boo.
- Oh my God! Oh my God.
1233
01:01:50,125 --> 01:01:52,624
- You scared me.
- I was over here.
1234
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:54,665
Let me tell you a real story.
1235
01:01:57,458 --> 01:01:59,125
There was once a family...
1236
01:02:00,875 --> 01:02:03,458
of beautiful,
beautiful princesses...
1237
01:02:05,125 --> 01:02:06,875
called the Kardashians.
1238
01:02:07,500 --> 01:02:11,332
And they lived in a palace
1239
01:02:11,333 --> 01:02:15,165
that their dad bought them
by defending a murderer.
1240
01:02:16,083 --> 01:02:16,999
Hey, hey.
1241
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,374
Uncle Joshy.
1242
01:02:18,375 --> 01:02:21,665
Yeah, yeah, don't get
all riled up, Con-man.
1243
01:02:21,666 --> 01:02:22,749
Yeah, sorry.
1244
01:02:22,750 --> 01:02:24,957
I thought I'd do a
little better with that.
1245
01:02:24,958 --> 01:02:26,000
You're very cute.
1246
01:02:26,708 --> 01:02:29,207
Let's read the book
we like, all right?
1247
01:02:31,500 --> 01:02:34,625
The Book with No Pictures.
1248
01:02:35,583 --> 01:02:38,708
"This is a book
with no pictures."
1249
01:02:40,083 --> 01:02:41,457
"It might seem like no fun
1250
01:02:41,458 --> 01:02:44,000
to have someone read you
a book with no pictures."
1251
01:02:44,833 --> 01:02:48,165
"Probably seems
boring and serious."
1252
01:02:48,166 --> 01:02:51,415
"Except, here's how books work."
1253
01:02:51,416 --> 01:02:55,707
"Everything the words say, the
person reading the book has to say."
1254
01:02:59,500 --> 01:03:03,040
"Now it's time for me to
sing you my favorite song."
1255
01:03:03,041 --> 01:03:05,749
♪ "Glug, glug, glug
My face is a bug" ♪
1256
01:03:05,750 --> 01:03:09,333
♪ "I eat ants for breakfast
Right off of a rug" ♪
1257
01:03:44,875 --> 01:03:46,541
Want to come back to my place?
1258
01:03:48,625 --> 01:03:51,750
The garage. Right
down... downstairs.
1259
01:04:00,958 --> 01:04:02,165
It's roomy.
1260
01:04:02,166 --> 01:04:04,624
Well, the car's not here.
It's usually right there.
1261
01:04:04,625 --> 01:04:07,166
Okay, I want to
have sex with you.
1262
01:04:07,833 --> 01:04:09,207
Fantastic.
1263
01:04:09,208 --> 01:04:12,790
But I'm very self-conscious of
my body right now, as I've said.
1264
01:04:12,791 --> 01:04:14,207
Sure, yes.
1265
01:04:14,208 --> 01:04:15,915
So, there's going to
be a couple rules.
1266
01:04:15,916 --> 01:04:18,082
Okay, great. I'm
down with rules.
1267
01:04:18,083 --> 01:04:21,415
You know, Cider House,
Vanderpump, all the rules.
1268
01:04:21,416 --> 01:04:23,790
Okay, well, just two rules.
1269
01:04:23,791 --> 01:04:25,708
No touching me and
no looking at me.
1270
01:04:26,458 --> 01:04:28,332
Oh, okay. I mean, you know,
1271
01:04:28,333 --> 01:04:31,290
it's not exactly the
experience I had pictured,
1272
01:04:31,291 --> 01:04:35,207
but if that doth what
m'lady require of...
1273
01:04:35,208 --> 01:04:37,749
- What?
- Yes. Yes. It's cool.
1274
01:04:37,750 --> 01:04:38,833
Great.
1275
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,333
I'll be right back.
1276
01:04:41,958 --> 01:04:43,041
Okay.
1277
01:04:44,583 --> 01:04:45,624
You okay?
1278
01:04:45,625 --> 01:04:47,500
Yeah, I just...
You surprised me.
1279
01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:50,416
Hands locked in this position.
1280
01:04:51,375 --> 01:04:52,375
Okay.
1281
01:04:55,208 --> 01:04:58,791
♪ All this all
work, no vacation ♪
1282
01:04:59,458 --> 01:05:03,083
♪ Stay up off my Instagram
Pure temptation ♪
1283
01:05:03,666 --> 01:05:05,790
♪ Hit a switch on
a fake ♪♪♪♪♪... ♪
1284
01:05:05,791 --> 01:05:09,207
I want to go down on you, but
I don't really know how to.
1285
01:05:09,208 --> 01:05:10,874
Oh, well,
1286
01:05:10,875 --> 01:05:17,499
you just, like, lick around the clitoris
and if you can sneak a finger in, great.
1287
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:20,290
No, no, no. I know how to.
1288
01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:22,082
I don't know how to get there.
1289
01:05:22,083 --> 01:05:23,915
- Oh. Right, right.
- Hand in the...
1290
01:05:23,916 --> 01:05:26,375
Well, maybe I can go up on you.
1291
01:05:27,250 --> 01:05:28,250
Problem solved.
1292
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:30,541
Okay. Yeah.
1293
01:05:31,541 --> 01:05:33,582
- Okay.
- Get on up there.
1294
01:05:33,583 --> 01:05:36,082
Okay, just let me know
when you're kind of close.
1295
01:05:36,083 --> 01:05:37,125
Okay.
1296
01:05:37,625 --> 01:05:39,124
♪ I'm off that la-la ♪
1297
01:05:39,125 --> 01:05:40,874
♪ I'mma get it
wet like jacuzzi ♪
1298
01:05:40,875 --> 01:05:43,333
- Okay, I feel your feet there.
- Yeah.
1299
01:05:44,333 --> 01:05:47,165
- Tell me when you're close.
- Okay, I'm...
1300
01:05:47,166 --> 01:05:49,291
I'm trying to make my landing.
1301
01:05:50,166 --> 01:05:51,915
Yeah, you know, I don't...
1302
01:05:51,916 --> 01:05:54,457
- Okay, I'm gonna...
- How long...
1303
01:05:54,458 --> 01:05:56,541
- You're still up there. Okay.
- Let me...
1304
01:05:57,666 --> 01:05:59,374
See. I'm gonna kind of...
1305
01:05:59,375 --> 01:06:01,499
All right, this might
work better. Okay.
1306
01:06:01,500 --> 01:06:02,582
What's...
1307
01:06:02,583 --> 01:06:04,999
- Just...
- Just describe what you're doing.
1308
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,290
I'm, like, trying
to sit on your...
1309
01:06:07,291 --> 01:06:10,582
No, that's, you know what,
that's not... It's fine.
1310
01:06:10,583 --> 01:06:13,082
- I think I'm okay.
- Okay.
1311
01:06:13,083 --> 01:06:15,499
I don't need you to do that.
That's really sweet, but I'm...
1312
01:06:15,500 --> 01:06:17,749
- Okay.
- I'm ready, you know.
1313
01:06:17,750 --> 01:06:19,874
- Okay, sure.
- She ready, you know.
1314
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:21,665
Are you? Oh, you're ready.
1315
01:06:21,666 --> 01:06:23,749
- Okay, okay.
- Wow. Nice.
1316
01:06:23,750 --> 01:06:25,291
- Thank you.
- Yeah
1317
01:06:28,083 --> 01:06:30,000
- Oh, my God.
- That feels good.
1318
01:06:34,083 --> 01:06:36,999
Oh, that feels so good.
You like that, Iceman?
1319
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:38,374
Who is Iceman?
1320
01:06:38,375 --> 01:06:40,332
You. Because you
drive a Zamboni?
1321
01:06:40,333 --> 01:06:42,499
- Oh, okay, yeah.
- Okay, I don't have to...
1322
01:06:42,500 --> 01:06:44,499
- Just trying something.
- No, I love it.
1323
01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:46,040
- I love it. I'm Iceman.
- Okay.
1324
01:06:46,041 --> 01:06:48,457
- The Iceman Cometh.
- Oh, yeah.
1325
01:06:48,458 --> 01:06:50,582
- I mean, not yet. Not yet.
- Okay.
1326
01:06:50,583 --> 01:06:52,499
Let me try it the other way.
1327
01:06:52,500 --> 01:06:54,915
- Oh, I was liking that.
- Yeah, but this is better.
1328
01:06:54,916 --> 01:06:56,082
This will be good.
1329
01:06:56,083 --> 01:06:57,665
- Okay.
- This is...
1330
01:06:57,666 --> 01:07:01,041
- All right. Back in business.
- Oh my God.
1331
01:07:03,833 --> 01:07:05,207
- Oh my God.
- So good.
1332
01:07:05,208 --> 01:07:06,750
Oh, God.
1333
01:07:08,583 --> 01:07:11,457
- Wait. Is that the garage?
- No, no. It's fine.
1334
01:07:11,458 --> 01:07:13,707
- Where's the clicker?
- I got it. I got it.
1335
01:07:13,708 --> 01:07:15,916
Okay. Neighbors?
1336
01:07:17,291 --> 01:07:18,875
Is there anybody out there?
1337
01:07:21,125 --> 01:07:23,290
Close it. Somebody's
gonna come by.
1338
01:07:31,208 --> 01:07:33,666
♪ Darling, you send me ♪
1339
01:07:34,250 --> 01:07:38,624
♪ I know you send me ♪
1340
01:07:38,625 --> 01:07:40,083
That was really nice.
1341
01:07:40,833 --> 01:07:41,833
Yeah.
1342
01:07:44,583 --> 01:07:45,790
It's a great view.
1343
01:07:47,125 --> 01:07:48,208
Thank you.
1344
01:07:49,750 --> 01:07:51,540
Hey!
1345
01:07:51,541 --> 01:07:52,832
Hey.
1346
01:07:56,958 --> 01:07:58,125
Oh my God.
1347
01:08:00,750 --> 01:08:01,833
Can I be honest with you?
1348
01:08:03,291 --> 01:08:04,291
Yeah?
1349
01:08:06,166 --> 01:08:07,166
I...
1350
01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:12,000
I haven't felt this
connected to someone...
1351
01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:14,708
like, ever.
1352
01:08:16,541 --> 01:08:17,874
Me, too.
1353
01:08:17,875 --> 01:08:21,041
Good, because I really...
1354
01:08:22,125 --> 01:08:24,416
I think we could make this work.
1355
01:08:25,125 --> 01:08:29,041
I do. Like, you and me and
the little person in there.
1356
01:08:34,458 --> 01:08:38,708
It just feels so good to finally
be able to trust somebody again.
1357
01:08:39,750 --> 01:08:41,500
I totally trust you.
1358
01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:45,374
I didn't know if I'd ever
feel like this again.
1359
01:08:45,375 --> 01:08:46,749
Mm-hmm.
1360
01:08:48,375 --> 01:08:51,624
- I can't do this.
- Can't do... Can't do what?
1361
01:08:51,625 --> 01:08:53,415
- I'm sorry.
- Wait...
1362
01:08:53,416 --> 01:08:56,749
I have to... I have to leave.
1363
01:08:56,750 --> 01:08:58,790
Wait. Can't do what?
1364
01:08:58,791 --> 01:08:59,874
You have Connor?
1365
01:08:59,875 --> 01:09:02,041
Yeah. Wait, what did I say?
1366
01:09:02,916 --> 01:09:04,458
Why are you leaving?
1367
01:09:11,666 --> 01:09:13,624
Everyone just stick together.
1368
01:09:13,625 --> 01:09:16,082
No touching the butterflies.
1369
01:09:16,083 --> 01:09:18,582
Do not disrupt
their metamorphosis.
1370
01:09:18,583 --> 01:09:19,874
I'm totally fucked.
1371
01:09:19,875 --> 01:09:22,124
Are you? 'Cause the
way I understand it
1372
01:09:22,125 --> 01:09:24,457
is Josh is the one that
got bit of a fucking.
1373
01:09:24,458 --> 01:09:27,415
Stop it! Come on!
1374
01:09:27,416 --> 01:09:30,416
Sorry. Butterflies
make me anxious.
1375
01:09:31,166 --> 01:09:34,415
I almost told him. I
almost and then I...
1376
01:09:34,416 --> 01:09:36,499
No touching.
1377
01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:39,207
I don't know what relationship
could possibly survive
1378
01:09:39,208 --> 01:09:41,165
this level of dishonesty.
1379
01:09:41,166 --> 01:09:43,999
I've lied so much. I
don't know what to do.
1380
01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:47,708
He's going to find out the truth about
my pregnancy at some point, right?
1381
01:09:48,333 --> 01:09:50,291
I mean, he's not going
to forget about a baby.
1382
01:09:51,333 --> 01:09:54,291
God. I can't believe I
fell for Meg's brother.
1383
01:09:54,875 --> 01:09:58,666
It's ridiculous. Like,
I really like him.
1384
01:09:59,708 --> 01:10:01,833
You're going to have
to get that baby out.
1385
01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:04,666
I need to get rid of my baby.
1386
01:10:05,333 --> 01:10:06,500
Oh, shit.
1387
01:10:07,416 --> 01:10:09,416
Why are they only
landing on you?
1388
01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:12,749
- Are they on me?
- Yeah.
1389
01:10:12,750 --> 01:10:15,832
Are they on me right
now? Right now?
1390
01:10:15,833 --> 01:10:17,832
- Yeah.
- Get bug spray.
1391
01:10:17,833 --> 01:10:20,207
Get some bug spray.
Get them off me.
1392
01:10:20,208 --> 01:10:22,665
- Get these evil demons off me!
- Stop it.
1393
01:10:23,875 --> 01:10:25,624
- Sorry. She's fine.
- No touching.
1394
01:10:25,625 --> 01:10:27,707
I didn't touch them!
They were touching me!
1395
01:10:27,708 --> 01:10:30,624
Please don't raise your
voice in here, ma'am.
1396
01:10:30,625 --> 01:10:31,832
I will fight you.
1397
01:10:31,833 --> 01:10:33,832
I'll fuck you up.
1398
01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:37,207
I will bite your
fucking aorta right out.
1399
01:10:37,208 --> 01:10:39,040
Butterflies, attack!
1400
01:10:39,041 --> 01:10:40,915
- I'm coming to get you.
- Come on.
1401
01:10:40,916 --> 01:10:42,750
Piece of shit bitch.
1402
01:10:49,916 --> 01:10:51,374
Thanks for meeting me.
1403
01:10:51,375 --> 01:10:52,500
Of course.
1404
01:10:56,416 --> 01:10:57,416
How are you?
1405
01:10:58,500 --> 01:11:00,666
I'm good. I stopped
puking, so...
1406
01:11:01,750 --> 01:11:03,041
That's great.
1407
01:11:05,083 --> 01:11:07,040
How about you? Are you puking?
1408
01:11:07,041 --> 01:11:08,041
No.
1409
01:11:10,250 --> 01:11:12,207
- Why would I be puking?
- I don't know.
1410
01:11:12,208 --> 01:11:15,583
Sometimes in the
morning people get...
1411
01:11:17,708 --> 01:11:19,958
like, their tummy
rumbles and... Nothing?
1412
01:11:22,625 --> 01:11:23,874
Are you okay?
1413
01:11:23,875 --> 01:11:24,958
Yeah.
1414
01:11:26,291 --> 01:11:28,833
I guess I'm just nervous
about the baby shower.
1415
01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:33,666
It's gonna be great.
Thanks for including me.
1416
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:36,750
What does that mean?
1417
01:11:37,958 --> 01:11:39,707
What? Thanks for including me.
1418
01:11:39,708 --> 01:11:42,333
Why would you not be invited?
You're my best friend.
1419
01:11:44,916 --> 01:11:46,541
It's okay. I...
1420
01:11:47,416 --> 01:11:48,332
You and Shirley.
1421
01:11:48,333 --> 01:11:49,915
It looks like it's
gonna be amazing.
1422
01:11:49,916 --> 01:11:52,165
It's gonna be better than
anything I could have done.
1423
01:11:52,166 --> 01:11:54,332
I have to actually run.
1424
01:11:54,333 --> 01:11:56,332
I have like a million
papers to grade.
1425
01:11:56,333 --> 01:11:57,915
- Are you good?
- Yeah.
1426
01:11:57,916 --> 01:11:58,999
- You're okay?
- Yeah.
1427
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:00,083
Okay. All right.
1428
01:12:22,750 --> 01:12:25,124
I wanna see a paternity
test, am I right?
1429
01:12:25,125 --> 01:12:28,124
No. I can't believe someone's
gonna be calling me "daddy" soon.
1430
01:12:30,041 --> 01:12:31,125
Wow.
1431
01:12:31,583 --> 01:12:33,750
- Hey, look what I found.
- What?
1432
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:36,915
What the fuck is that?
1433
01:12:36,916 --> 01:12:38,499
I've always wanted a cow.
1434
01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:40,374
That's an alpaca.
1435
01:12:40,375 --> 01:12:42,582
I've been milking her
for an hour and a half
1436
01:12:42,583 --> 01:12:44,415
because they only have
fake milk at the bar.
1437
01:12:44,416 --> 01:12:48,332
I only got like a teaspoon for
this macchiato with little Bessie.
1438
01:12:48,333 --> 01:12:49,500
What a giver.
1439
01:12:51,833 --> 01:12:53,457
- That's obviously a boy.
- What?
1440
01:12:53,458 --> 01:12:55,500
You've been jerking
off a boy alpaca.
1441
01:12:56,250 --> 01:12:59,582
That explains the sounds,
and it's quite salty too.
1442
01:13:01,916 --> 01:13:02,916
Macchiato?
1443
01:13:03,375 --> 01:13:04,375
I'm gonna pass.
1444
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:07,125
Garrett, can you take
this cow to my car?
1445
01:13:08,541 --> 01:13:09,874
Hi, Lainy.
1446
01:13:09,875 --> 01:13:11,083
Hey, Connor.
1447
01:13:11,750 --> 01:13:12,791
Connor?
1448
01:13:13,583 --> 01:13:15,708
Oh, shit.
1449
01:13:22,250 --> 01:13:24,208
- Fuck.
- Is that your man?
1450
01:13:25,916 --> 01:13:28,457
- Fuck!
- Fuck!
1451
01:13:28,458 --> 01:13:29,458
Fuck!
1452
01:13:34,250 --> 01:13:35,750
She's gotta be here somewhere.
1453
01:13:39,916 --> 01:13:43,415
Hey! What are you gorgeous
humans doing here?
1454
01:13:43,416 --> 01:13:45,249
Your friend Shirley invited us.
1455
01:13:45,250 --> 01:13:47,707
Classic Shirley.
1456
01:13:47,708 --> 01:13:49,666
Why haven't you
returned my calls?
1457
01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:51,375
Calls? What?
1458
01:13:52,083 --> 01:13:52,915
You okay?
1459
01:13:52,916 --> 01:13:54,208
Never better.
1460
01:13:54,875 --> 01:13:56,665
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.
1461
01:13:56,666 --> 01:13:59,707
Are these your friends
you've never mentioned?
1462
01:13:59,708 --> 01:14:01,540
Mm-hmm. Josh.
1463
01:14:01,541 --> 01:14:02,707
- Hi.
- Hi.
1464
01:14:02,708 --> 01:14:04,374
- And Megan.
- Hi.
1465
01:14:04,375 --> 01:14:06,165
- Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you.
1466
01:14:06,166 --> 01:14:08,374
And then there's
Steve and Connor.
1467
01:14:08,375 --> 01:14:10,415
Everyone!
1468
01:14:11,416 --> 01:14:16,332
May I have your...
attention please.
1469
01:14:16,333 --> 01:14:17,624
Thank you.
1470
01:14:17,625 --> 01:14:19,124
Um...
1471
01:14:19,125 --> 01:14:21,290
First off, Kate and
I are so happy...
1472
01:14:21,291 --> 01:14:23,207
that you could make
it to our baby shower.
1473
01:14:23,208 --> 01:14:25,165
Round of applause!
1474
01:14:27,250 --> 01:14:28,540
- Hi.
- Hi.
1475
01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:30,082
Um...
1476
01:14:30,083 --> 01:14:32,915
Well, I didn't know that it
was gonna be this insane,
1477
01:14:32,916 --> 01:14:36,332
but it does look kind of cool,
so thanks for making me do this.
1478
01:14:36,333 --> 01:14:38,499
- Stop it.
- What? Oh.
1479
01:14:38,500 --> 01:14:39,583
Like, I love you.
1480
01:14:40,375 --> 01:14:41,290
Give me a break.
1481
01:14:41,291 --> 01:14:43,749
- Yeah.
- It's like so many emotions.
1482
01:14:43,750 --> 01:14:46,333
Sorry. But...
1483
01:14:49,500 --> 01:14:51,916
I wanna talk about
someone else for a minute.
1484
01:14:53,666 --> 01:14:58,500
Someone we all know and
love named Lainy! Whoo!
1485
01:15:00,541 --> 01:15:04,540
No. This is your day. Keep
it focused on you, please.
1486
01:15:04,541 --> 01:15:07,874
Lainy, everyone at
school and on the web
1487
01:15:07,875 --> 01:15:10,374
knows that I am the sexiest
teacher in the world
1488
01:15:10,375 --> 01:15:12,582
and that kindness is
my favorite hobby.
1489
01:15:12,583 --> 01:15:14,707
So I want this to
be your day, too.
1490
01:15:14,708 --> 01:15:17,499
I don't want it to be. It's your
day, so please leave me alone.
1491
01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:20,165
- Really, please leave me alone.
- Okay. Come here.
1492
01:15:20,166 --> 01:15:23,249
Context, Lainy is pregnant
and thinking of terminating,
1493
01:15:23,250 --> 01:15:26,249
which is so fine because you know
I'm pro-choice like a Rolls Royce.
1494
01:15:26,250 --> 01:15:27,582
Oh my God.
1495
01:15:27,583 --> 01:15:29,624
But this could be our
unicorn's last chance!
1496
01:15:29,625 --> 01:15:31,540
Wait, no, you need to
go into the wrinkles.
1497
01:15:31,541 --> 01:15:33,499
So we're hoping that
we can talk her...
1498
01:15:33,500 --> 01:15:34,916
- into keeping it, right?
- Stop.
1499
01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:38,040
- Yes!
- My God, the chat is on fire.
1500
01:15:38,041 --> 01:15:39,999
- Enough.
- Wait, no, that's my phone.
1501
01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:42,290
No, I'm turning it off.
You're acting like a crazy...
1502
01:15:42,291 --> 01:15:43,332
Stop it!
1503
01:15:43,333 --> 01:15:45,750
- Oh my God!
- Enough!
1504
01:15:46,958 --> 01:15:48,874
I'm not having an abortion!
1505
01:15:48,875 --> 01:15:50,707
Not that there's
anything wrong with that.
1506
01:15:50,708 --> 01:15:52,333
Jesus, Shirley, I would.
1507
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:53,957
Kate has.
1508
01:15:53,958 --> 01:15:55,249
My mom tried.
1509
01:15:55,250 --> 01:15:57,874
Wait, so you are
having the baby! Whoo!
1510
01:15:57,875 --> 01:16:00,374
Keep it! Keep it!
Keep it! Keep it!
1511
01:16:00,375 --> 01:16:02,165
Stop it! Stop it!
1512
01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:06,332
I'm not! I'm not having the baby!
I'm not... I'm not pregnant!
1513
01:16:11,041 --> 01:16:12,208
I've been lying.
1514
01:16:15,375 --> 01:16:16,625
I'm faking it.
1515
01:16:23,666 --> 01:16:24,666
Meg.
1516
01:16:25,750 --> 01:16:27,500
Steve, get the fucking Mazda.
1517
01:16:34,166 --> 01:16:36,458
Josh, let me explain.
1518
01:16:37,916 --> 01:16:39,583
You need serious help.
1519
01:16:49,333 --> 01:16:50,458
I'm sorry.
1520
01:17:15,250 --> 01:17:16,832
I know you'll never
love me again.
1521
01:17:16,833 --> 01:17:18,833
I just hope someday
you don't hate me.
1522
01:17:21,791 --> 01:17:23,041
I don't hate you.
1523
01:17:25,291 --> 01:17:26,290
You don't?
1524
01:17:26,291 --> 01:17:28,500
No. I love you.
1525
01:17:29,458 --> 01:17:31,166
I knew that something was up.
1526
01:17:32,291 --> 01:17:33,958
I just didn't know what it was.
1527
01:17:35,166 --> 01:17:36,875
I'm not even mad at you.
1528
01:17:37,583 --> 01:17:39,625
I mean, I'm really mad at Mark.
1529
01:17:40,666 --> 01:17:43,333
For not being happy
about this baby at all.
1530
01:17:45,083 --> 01:17:48,000
It's been really hard
doing this without you.
1531
01:17:49,250 --> 01:17:50,874
Fuck.
1532
01:17:52,208 --> 01:17:53,666
I was jealous.
1533
01:17:54,708 --> 01:17:58,332
Of you... I was really
jealous of Mark.
1534
01:18:00,125 --> 01:18:01,375
That's funny.
1535
01:18:02,041 --> 01:18:03,040
For real.
1536
01:18:03,041 --> 01:18:06,250
I've always been jealous of Mark. He
gets to spend so much time with you.
1537
01:18:07,291 --> 01:18:08,915
I want to be your husband.
1538
01:18:08,916 --> 01:18:11,874
You should be. I
hate my husband.
1539
01:18:11,875 --> 01:18:14,832
Sometimes I'll just look
at him and be like, "God!"
1540
01:18:16,666 --> 01:18:19,541
No. He's a good guy.
1541
01:18:21,250 --> 01:18:22,708
And he loves you so much.
1542
01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:26,833
And he's going to love this baby.
That's who I'm really jealous of.
1543
01:18:27,916 --> 01:18:31,624
This baby gets to have
the coolest, funniest,
1544
01:18:31,625 --> 01:18:34,333
most badass mom in
the whole world.
1545
01:18:35,375 --> 01:18:37,416
You forgot to say sexiest.
1546
01:18:38,333 --> 01:18:41,500
Most fuckable mom. This baby...
1547
01:18:43,125 --> 01:18:44,291
No, but really.
1548
01:18:45,625 --> 01:18:47,750
This kid is lucky.
1549
01:18:48,916 --> 01:18:50,082
You really think so?
1550
01:18:50,083 --> 01:18:53,375
Are you serious? You're the
only family I've ever known.
1551
01:18:54,208 --> 01:18:57,040
You getting your own
family made me, like,
1552
01:18:57,041 --> 01:19:00,708
just crazy and desperate
to find my own soulmate.
1553
01:19:01,500 --> 01:19:03,708
Bitch, I'm your soulmate.
1554
01:19:04,291 --> 01:19:05,416
Come here.
1555
01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:19,582
♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪
1556
01:19:19,583 --> 01:19:23,625
♪ That love was meant
for beauty queens ♪
1557
01:19:24,250 --> 01:19:28,250
♪ And high school girls
With clear-skinned smiles ♪
1558
01:19:28,750 --> 01:19:30,165
♪ Who married
young and then... ♪
1559
01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:31,374
Hey.
1560
01:19:32,375 --> 01:19:34,458
I saw the baby on Instagram.
1561
01:19:35,166 --> 01:19:36,499
She's perfect.
1562
01:19:36,500 --> 01:19:38,208
Uh, it's a he.
1563
01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,332
I'm the worst.
1564
01:19:44,333 --> 01:19:47,875
I'm not the kind of person who's going
to comfort someone who's hurt me.
1565
01:19:50,083 --> 01:19:51,083
That's fair.
1566
01:19:52,916 --> 01:19:55,375
All I ever wanted
was to be a mom.
1567
01:19:56,791 --> 01:19:58,250
Since I was a little girl.
1568
01:19:58,875 --> 01:20:00,541
So I put that bump on.
1569
01:20:01,125 --> 01:20:02,833
I went to that
stupid yoga class.
1570
01:20:04,250 --> 01:20:07,833
And I met you. And I couldn't help
but want to be friends with you.
1571
01:20:08,875 --> 01:20:09,916
And I got stuck.
1572
01:20:11,458 --> 01:20:12,999
You could have just told me.
1573
01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:15,666
I know what a mindfuck it is
being a woman, pregnant or not.
1574
01:20:16,416 --> 01:20:19,875
Well, I wanted to tell
you. I was just...
1575
01:20:21,583 --> 01:20:24,999
Do you remember what it's
like to want a family so bad?
1576
01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:27,208
Of course. Of course.
1577
01:20:29,750 --> 01:20:32,832
I've just always wanted
someone to choose me. You know?
1578
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:34,125
Lainy.
1579
01:20:35,166 --> 01:20:39,040
The most important relationship you are
ever going to have is with yourself.
1580
01:20:42,041 --> 01:20:43,540
Well, I miss you, girl.
1581
01:20:43,541 --> 01:20:44,791
Come here.
1582
01:20:48,833 --> 01:20:50,499
I'm so sorry.
1583
01:20:50,500 --> 01:20:51,624
It's okay.
1584
01:20:51,625 --> 01:20:54,333
Oh my God. I was just
watching this thing and I...
1585
01:20:58,333 --> 01:20:59,583
Oh my God.
1586
01:21:00,875 --> 01:21:03,082
Oh, no, no! No!
1587
01:21:03,083 --> 01:21:05,083
- Yes. Yes.
- No! No!
1588
01:21:05,708 --> 01:21:06,958
- No!
- Oh my God, Josh!
1589
01:21:07,583 --> 01:21:09,790
- Hey, you get down from there right now!
- No!
1590
01:21:09,791 --> 01:21:11,375
The neighbors are staring!
1591
01:21:12,416 --> 01:21:13,957
I'm not coming down ever!
1592
01:21:13,958 --> 01:21:17,165
Josh, can I please talk to you
for a minute? Just one minute.
1593
01:21:17,166 --> 01:21:18,874
Why? So you can
tell me another lie?
1594
01:21:18,875 --> 01:21:22,124
You're not a teacher. You're
really a lighthouse keeper.
1595
01:21:22,125 --> 01:21:23,500
I lied.
1596
01:21:24,250 --> 01:21:27,582
I lied to you when I told you that
I got pregnant on Thanksgiving.
1597
01:21:27,583 --> 01:21:31,499
I lied to you when I said I
do charity work for animals.
1598
01:21:31,500 --> 01:21:34,290
I don't. I've never done
any charity work, ever.
1599
01:21:34,291 --> 01:21:38,874
I donate canned goods if they're
doing a drive or something,
1600
01:21:38,875 --> 01:21:42,499
but it's just the stuff I don't
want to eat, really, you know?
1601
01:21:42,500 --> 01:21:46,415
French cut green beans,
creamed corn. I, you know...
1602
01:21:46,416 --> 01:21:48,374
I like cream corn.
1603
01:21:48,375 --> 01:21:49,290
Steve.
1604
01:21:49,291 --> 01:21:53,958
The point is that I'm not lying to you
when I say I am totally in love with you.
1605
01:21:54,916 --> 01:21:57,666
I know it's a big ask, but
can we just start over?
1606
01:21:59,333 --> 01:22:01,125
My name's not Sasha Fierce.
1607
01:22:02,666 --> 01:22:03,666
Hi.
1608
01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:06,458
My name is Lainy Newton.
1609
01:22:07,583 --> 01:22:08,708
What's yours?
1610
01:22:14,708 --> 01:22:17,416
Haven't you ever done
something stupid for love?
1611
01:22:24,166 --> 01:22:26,082
Well, it was wrong,
and I'm sorry.
1612
01:22:45,416 --> 01:22:46,583
Ow, my arms.
1613
01:23:17,125 --> 01:23:18,416
Can I come in?
1614
01:23:20,250 --> 01:23:21,250
No.
1615
01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:23,291
I brought steak frites.
1616
01:23:33,166 --> 01:23:34,583
So how you been feeling?
1617
01:23:35,208 --> 01:23:36,832
What do you want, Dave?
1618
01:23:36,833 --> 01:23:39,083
I've never known you
to be this considerate.
1619
01:23:40,666 --> 01:23:41,666
Is it mine?
1620
01:23:45,833 --> 01:23:48,124
- Yes.
- Crap, dammit, I knew it.
1621
01:23:48,125 --> 01:23:50,582
I fucking knew it. I knew it.
1622
01:23:52,416 --> 01:23:53,582
They're yours.
1623
01:23:53,583 --> 01:23:54,666
They?
1624
01:23:56,125 --> 01:23:57,750
What, like twins?
1625
01:23:58,666 --> 01:24:00,540
Three? Oh, no.
1626
01:24:00,541 --> 01:24:03,915
How? How? Oh my God!
1627
01:24:03,916 --> 01:24:04,916
Oh, wait.
1628
01:24:07,875 --> 01:24:10,708
No, I can't. I can't do that.
1629
01:24:11,708 --> 01:24:13,749
Oh, my life's over. Shit!
1630
01:24:13,750 --> 01:24:15,290
No, that's good. That's good.
1631
01:24:15,291 --> 01:24:17,915
Yeah, we're gonna...
Yeah, three. That's crazy.
1632
01:24:17,916 --> 01:24:19,583
You gonna keep
all of them, or...
1633
01:24:20,166 --> 01:24:21,540
God, you suck!
1634
01:24:24,625 --> 01:24:26,582
Oh, it's not real?
That's not real?
1635
01:24:26,583 --> 01:24:28,790
Oh, my... Oh, thank God.
1636
01:24:28,791 --> 01:24:32,666
Fuck yeah! It's not real. Yes!
1637
01:24:35,250 --> 01:24:36,749
You are such a dick.
1638
01:24:36,750 --> 01:24:38,375
You're a dick.
1639
01:24:39,166 --> 01:24:41,082
I mean, four years.
1640
01:24:41,083 --> 01:24:44,333
Four fucking years. Were
you ever in love with me?
1641
01:24:44,916 --> 01:24:46,332
Lainy, yes.
1642
01:24:46,333 --> 01:24:47,500
I was.
1643
01:24:48,166 --> 01:24:50,958
Now, did I fall out
of love with you? Yes.
1644
01:24:54,375 --> 01:24:55,375
I'm sorry.
1645
01:24:56,333 --> 01:24:58,207
I'm sorry I couldn't
make you happy.
1646
01:24:58,208 --> 01:25:00,708
No, Lainy, it's not you.
1647
01:25:01,916 --> 01:25:04,374
I realized that I
couldn't make you happy.
1648
01:25:04,375 --> 01:25:08,499
You know, you wanted
to be a wife and a mom,
1649
01:25:08,500 --> 01:25:10,624
and I thought I wanted
that, too, but...
1650
01:25:13,166 --> 01:25:16,166
I realized that I
wanted so much more...
1651
01:25:17,916 --> 01:25:19,665
- Success.
- Pussy.
1652
01:25:26,166 --> 01:25:27,583
I do still love you, though.
1653
01:25:28,916 --> 01:25:30,333
I want you to be okay.
1654
01:25:31,875 --> 01:25:32,957
That's sweet.
1655
01:25:32,958 --> 01:25:34,790
I'm sweet.
1656
01:25:36,375 --> 01:25:38,208
You wanna bone one more time?
1657
01:25:38,708 --> 01:25:39,750
No.
1658
01:25:40,916 --> 01:25:42,332
Why don't you head
back over there...
1659
01:25:42,333 --> 01:25:43,813
- before I stab you?
- Right. Okay.
1660
01:25:48,958 --> 01:25:51,250
♪ It's nice of you to say ♪
1661
01:25:52,000 --> 01:25:54,000
♪ We can still be friends ♪
1662
01:25:57,416 --> 01:26:00,041
Yes! Yes!
1663
01:26:00,541 --> 01:26:03,666
♪ Sure I always knew
We were worlds apart ♪
1664
01:26:05,958 --> 01:26:09,291
♪ But that don't help
the sadness In my heart ♪
1665
01:26:09,791 --> 01:26:15,750
♪ It's gonna take a long time
To get you off of my mind ♪
1666
01:26:21,625 --> 01:26:26,791
♪ Gonna take a long time ♪
1667
01:26:27,541 --> 01:26:28,958
♪ One, two, three... ♪
1668
01:26:34,916 --> 01:26:36,540
bell hooks said,
1669
01:26:36,541 --> 01:26:39,540
"The one person who
will never leave us,
1670
01:26:39,541 --> 01:26:41,708
whom we will never lose,
1671
01:26:43,291 --> 01:26:44,625
is ourselves."
1672
01:26:45,291 --> 01:26:51,125
"Learning to love our female selves is
where our search for love must begin."
1673
01:26:52,333 --> 01:26:53,790
Ms. Newton,
1674
01:26:53,791 --> 01:26:57,124
learning about female
selves is mad boring.
1675
01:26:57,125 --> 01:26:59,666
- Shut off, Liam.
- Okay.
1676
01:27:00,500 --> 01:27:01,832
No more questions, Brett.
1677
01:27:01,833 --> 01:27:03,625
- But, Ms. Newton...
- Brett...
1678
01:27:04,375 --> 01:27:07,540
I need you to back up
off me today, okay?
1679
01:27:07,541 --> 01:27:09,624
But I'm glad we
communicated about this.
1680
01:27:09,625 --> 01:27:13,541
Lainy! There's a
Zamboni outside.
1681
01:27:20,208 --> 01:27:24,665
♪ Honey, I'm still free
Take a chance on me ♪
1682
01:27:24,666 --> 01:27:29,124
♪ If you need me, let me
know Gonna be around ♪
1683
01:27:29,125 --> 01:27:33,708
♪ If you've got no place to
go If you're feeling down ♪
1684
01:27:34,833 --> 01:27:39,415
♪ If you're all alone When
the pretty birds have flown ♪
1685
01:27:39,416 --> 01:27:41,915
♪ Honey, I'm still
free, take a chance... ♪
1686
01:27:47,541 --> 01:27:50,415
You know, I once
stole my own car
1687
01:27:50,416 --> 01:27:54,375
so I could use the insurance
money to buy my girlfriend a bag.
1688
01:27:54,958 --> 01:27:57,791
- A bag?
- Yeah, like a designer bag.
1689
01:27:58,875 --> 01:28:00,707
That's really stupid.
1690
01:28:00,708 --> 01:28:02,291
Yeah. Lainy...
1691
01:28:03,458 --> 01:28:04,625
you are insane.
1692
01:28:05,291 --> 01:28:08,125
Really, I think you may
be clinically insane,
1693
01:28:08,958 --> 01:28:11,958
but you make me laugh so much.
1694
01:28:12,583 --> 01:28:14,290
I love the way you look at me.
1695
01:28:14,291 --> 01:28:16,582
And I love looking at you.
1696
01:28:16,583 --> 01:28:18,000
Aw.
1697
01:28:18,500 --> 01:28:22,125
I had the best sex I've ever had
with you and I didn't see anything.
1698
01:28:25,250 --> 01:28:28,915
You know, someone once
said, "Watch out for love,
1699
01:28:28,916 --> 01:28:32,833
unless it is true and every
part of you says yes...
1700
01:28:34,291 --> 01:28:35,541
including the toes."
1701
01:28:37,166 --> 01:28:38,666
Anne Sexton.
1702
01:28:39,416 --> 01:28:42,375
Look, I guess what
I'm saying is...
1703
01:28:43,416 --> 01:28:46,041
Hi, my name is Josh.
1704
01:28:48,250 --> 01:28:50,124
♪ If you're all alone... ♪
1705
01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:57,165
♪ Honey, I'm still free
Take a chance on me ♪
1706
01:28:57,166 --> 01:29:01,624
♪ Gonna do my very best
Baby, can't you see? ♪
1707
01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:06,082
♪ Gotta put me to the
test Take a chance on me ♪
1708
01:29:06,083 --> 01:29:08,415
♪ Take a chance on me ♪
1709
01:29:08,416 --> 01:29:10,832
♪ Come on, give me
a break, will you? ♪
1710
01:29:10,833 --> 01:29:12,915
♪ Take a chance on me ♪
1711
01:29:14,583 --> 01:29:17,707
♪ Oh, you can take
your time, baby ♪
1712
01:29:17,708 --> 01:29:19,874
♪ I'm in no hurry ♪
1713
01:29:19,875 --> 01:29:23,124
- ♪ Know I'm gonna get you ♪
- ♪ Know I'm gonna get you ♪
1714
01:29:26,208 --> 01:29:28,040
- Oh, sorry!
- Oh, no.
1715
01:29:28,041 --> 01:29:31,207
- Oh, my God, no, I got it!
- I drive this!
1716
01:29:31,208 --> 01:29:33,124
- I got it!
- No. Take your foot off the gas!
1717
01:29:33,125 --> 01:29:35,915
- I thought I was on the brake!
- Get out of the way!
1718
01:29:35,916 --> 01:29:37,457
- No, it's not!
- All right!
1719
01:29:37,458 --> 01:29:38,750
You're on the gas!
1720
01:29:39,541 --> 01:29:41,624
- Oh...
- Fuck!
1721
01:29:44,333 --> 01:29:46,416
Look out!
1722
01:29:47,625 --> 01:29:49,291
Oh, shit.
1723
01:29:52,208 --> 01:29:54,208
Oh, fuck.
125361
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