Original subtitles

Ha ha ha!

♪ The world has held great heroes As history books have showed

♪ But never a name went down to fame Compared with that of Toad

♪ The clever men at Oxford Know all that's to be knowed

♪ But none of them know half as much as intelligent Mr Toad...

♪ But never a name went down to fame Compared with that of Toad! ♪

Ha ha ha ha! Ho ho ho ho! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Whoo hoo! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Quack quack quack quack!

Ha ha! Oh!

Hello-o-o!

Toad!

Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Yippee! Wahey!

- Hello, you chaps! - Hello, Toad.

Ohh!

Great heavens! Look at that thing!

This is the life, eh?

Such elegance, such smoothness! Such silent speed!

Not quite as much silence as there was, Toad!

- What? - I said it's not as silent as it was!

- Eh? How do you mean? - Toad, what is that contraption?

It's the latest thing, Badger.

It's the only thing! Ha ha!

A steam-powered punt!

Ohh!

- It takes a great deal of skill. - Yes, it would.

One needs a natural sense of balance and understanding of the river.

- Huh! - The keen senses of a natural navigator.

- Toad! - As I said to the secretary

- of the Henley Regatta... - Toad!

...for some people the river is an open book.

- Toad! - Ahead of you!

For whom every curve and ripple spells out a meaning. To whom the river says...

- Look out! - Ha ha! No, no, not "look out".

What...? Aaagh!

- Ohh! Oh! Agh! Help! - Toad!

Oh, dear. He seems to have abandoned ship.

He-e-elp! Save me!

- You or the punt, Toad? - Me, me!

No, no, the punt. No, me, me! Oh, help!

Quack quack quack!

Oh, dear!

Poor Mr Toad.

Indeed, my dear Chief.

Poor, poor Mr Toad.

Ooh! Oooh! All I can say is that it's lucky I'm the sort of chap that I am.

How do you mean, Toad?

Just look at how I reacted to danger back there.

Lots of ordinary people would have panicked.

Anyone would think it was YOU that saved US!

It was you that needed fishing out of the river!

What absolute rot!

I didn't need your help. I was enjoying myself tremendously.

Oh, there will never be anyone quite like that animal!

Hmm. Oh! Yes, I suppose you're right, Badger.

There never will be anyone quite like me!

Don't be too sure, my friend. Don't be too sure.

- Hello! - Aagh!

Oh! Ohhh! Oh, Chief!

What are you doing in my hammock, eh?

I was only... Did you have a good day at the races, Chief?

Yeah... I had an excellent day at the races.

Oh, thank heavens for... Oh, that's nice, Chief.

Because I, my son, have come up with a winner.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Go and get the others!

Right, you lot, shut up!

- I've got news for you. - News?

And there's someone here what I'd like you to meet.

Toad!

Chief, it's Toad, it's Toad!

Yeah, unmistakeable! Know him anywhere, wouldn't you?

You want to know something else?

Mr Toad here has very hospitably invited us to live with him at Toad Hall.

- Chief! - Well...?

Erm, what about, you know, Rat and Mole and... Badger?

Who? You don't want to worry about silly old Rat and silly old Mole

and silly, stupid, pompous old Badger!

Just leave them to me!

So when are we moving in, Chief?

Just as soon as we've captured Toad.

Oh, right, Chief. Just...

But I thought... I mean...

Mr Toad's here, Chief!

- You pathetic heap of nothing! - Ow! Aagh!

That ain't Toad.

Not... not Toad?

Most certainly not.

Isambard Beerbohm Toad, at your services.

Here! Why is he using that funny voice?

Here! Why is he using that voice?

Hang on! I didn't say that!

Did I?

- Who is this lout? - Lout? Who are you calling a lout?

Now, look here, Toad!

He ain't Toad! He ain't Mr blooming Toad of Toad Hall at all, at all!

- He's not? - No!

But he's going to be.

You're going to be, ain't ya?

You are going to be Mr Toad of Toad Hall!

But I don't quite understand, Chief.

Of course you don't. That's because you've got a pudding for a brain!

Ow!

Mr Isambard is an actor.

Yeah, so it seems.

Yeah, and an even better con man.

- Too kind, Chief. - Con man, Chief?

"Presactly."

When I seen him first at the races, he was hanging about the nobs' enclosure.

Yeah. Who was it? Who was you being? Eh?

Hmm? Oh, erm...

The Right Honourable Charles St John Vere De Vere Vere! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. Ha ha ha. Good, isn't he? Eh?

In a spot of bother an' all, wasn't you, eh?

Absolute sure-fire tip for a winner in the 3.30.

- Not a brass farthing to put on it. - Tragic, mate.

Offered my bookie my gold watch.

Wouldn't take it, miserable blighter! Solid gold.

- Worth a fortune. - Hmm.

- Still... - I wonder if, well, erm...

That is, you know, er...

I could, like, buy the watch off of you.

I say!

What about, er, a guinea and a half?

Oh. Oh, dear.

I mean, it is solid gold and I need a fiver to put on the gee-gee.

Oh, look, better forget it, eh?

Hang on. Here you are, one fiver.

Well, it's a bargain then.

And 'ere it is!

Oh! Solid gold, eh?

Solid brass. Nothing inside, like your head.

- You mean? - Yeah, conned I was, something rotten!

But after I had calmed down a bit, I knew him and me was born to be partners.

Partners?

Chief Weasel and Mr Toad of Toad Hall.

- You mean him? - Of course!

But, Chief, if he's not Toad, how...

How do I manage to sound so uncannily like our friend Mr Toad?

I am an actor.

And I have a natural ear.

And having had the occasion to study Mr Toad,

I now feel quite at liberty to say, ahem...

I say! Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, yeah, that's Toad to a T.

Yes.

So, with the assistance of my good friend Isambard here,

we'll be moving out very soon.

There's rich pickings at Toad Hall, Isambard.

So I believe, Chief.

So I believe. Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha-a-a!

Well, it was a stupid, stupid idea in the first place.

Huh! I mean, a steam-driven punt indeed!

Phew! It's a good job I'm particularly clever

or I don't know what might have happened!

Hello? Hello, what's that?

Ah! Ah, good evening, Officer.

- Is something the matter? - Good evening.

Yes, good evening. If this is anything to do with...

- Ha ha ha! - What? Who...?

- Who is your...? I mean... - Hmm!

You're me. But you can't be because I'm me.

I mean... I'm dreaming. I must be dreaming!

Pleasant dreams, I hope, Mr Toad.

You! Oh, no! Hey! Help!

- Night-night, Mr Toad. - Help! I say! No, stop this!

No! Help! Help!

- Help! Oh, no! - Push!

Ha ha ha!

So, Chief, on to our new home, eh?

Ha ha! Ha ha! "Presactly", Isambard. Ha ha!

Our new home. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I won't be a minute with the cake, Toady.

- Hmm? Yes, right oh, old chap. - Will you get me the teapot?

- Eh? - The teapot!

Where is it? Er...

- Where is it? - Usual place, Toad!

Oh, yes. In the sideboard?

No, Toad, in the corner cupboard!

Corner cupboard. Oh, yes.

Of course! Ha ha ha ha!

You don't seem altogether yourself. You are all right?

I'm fine, thank you, fine. Ah, cake!

Hmm. Only sponge cake, I'm afraid.

- Ah, my favourite! - Oh, Toad, what nonsense!

- What? - Your favourite is cream cake.

- You know perfectly well it is. - Hmm? Er...

Oh. Oh, yes, yes. Well, I, erm...

- Nice of you to be so polite about it. - Ah, yes.

Well, we toads are like that.

Ha ha! Oh, yes, you are yourself after all! Ha ha!

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

- There's an invitation here for you. - Invitation?

I'm having a little tea party on Saturday.

- Ah! - Here! It will save the postman's legs.

I should love to come.

It's such a cosy little place.

- Well, it suits me. - Quite right, Mole.

And you ought to stay here, whatever Ratty thinks.

Sorry, Toad? Whatever Ratty thinks?

Hmm? Hmm!

Oh, I didn't mean to say that. It slipped out.

Whatever do you mean, Toad?

Well, I don't think that he ought to call you a stick-in-the-mud,

even if you don't like boating and travelling and all that. Hmm!

He's quite right, of course.

Mole, I don't suppose he meant it.

He was probably just in a bad mood.

Huh! Hmm.

Well, I'd better go and make the tea.

Do help yourself to cake, Toad. There's a good chap.

Yes!

And, erm... I'm going to help myself to a lot more.

Quack quack!

Yes, and you've got her looking really spick-and-span, Ratty.

Hmm. Not bad, is she?

Boating is such fun! As I said to Badger, I don't think it's a waste of time.

A waste of time? Did you say Badger thinks it's a waste of time?

Well, that's not actually what he said, no.

No, I thought not. Honestly, Toad!

No, no, actually he said something about, erm... childish.

- Or was it selfish? - What?

I thought he was talking about me at first. Ha ha ha ha!

Seems we're two of a kind. Eh?

Yes, evidently.

A waste of time? Boating? Badger?

Hmm! Tsk tsk! I know, Ratty! Huh! I know!

- And I said... - Hmm?

"Well, Ratty," I said, "he may be old..."

Ah! Hmm?

"But a pompous, interfering old fool he is not!"

Are you sure you're not making all this up, Toad?

Making it up? Making it up?

I say, steady on, Badger!

I mean, I know you think I'm foolish and irresponsible,

but I'm not one to come between friends.

- Now, am I? - No.

No, you're not, Toad. I'll grant you that.

Empty-headed you may be at times, but never cold-hearted.

Now, hmm...

Pompous, interfering old fool?

Oh! Ratty! Ratty!

Oh! Phew!

What's that? I can hear something.

It's a motorcar. It's coming ever so fast.

Oh! It's not going to stop!

- Get out of the way, stupid creatures! - Look out, look out!

Oh! Ohh!

Ow! Ouch!

Oh, dear. Are you all right?

I'm bruised, but I'm all right.

Come on! Come on, everyone! Are you all right?

Hello. What's this?

What's this?

"Mole will be at home at 4pm this Saturday."

Be at home, will he? Yes, and so will I!

Badger's bound to be there and after the things he said about me,

no, I shall steer well clear of that little party.

"Great pleasure in enjoying your company for tea."

I fear I would not enjoy their company at all.

I never thought I'd live to see the day when...

The... truth will out,

as my dear old father used to say!

Not one. Not one reply.

I can't understand it. They might have written even to refuse.

I suppose I'd better answer it.

Oh... Oh, Mr Mole!

- Billy! - Waah aah aah!

There, there, Billy!

- Then he nearly ran over us, Mr Mole. - Yes, he did.

You're quite sure there's no mistake? Mr Toad wasn't teasing?

- No, sir, Mr Mole. - Turrned you out of the old caravan?

Yes, Mr Mole. And now we've got nowhere to go.

And it's nearly winter time.

Well, maybe he thinks you need somewhere better for the winter.

Perhaps he means to fix you up in the stables or a barn.

- Or even Toad Hall. - No, Mr Mole, he's not.

He said we were to get out and to stay out!

He said... we were a "nuin-sance".

And... and a pack of...

...a pack of scroungers.

Ohh!

- I can't believe it. - It's not fair.

No, stick-in-the-mud or not, we'll have to see Rat and Badger about this

and see what they've got to say.

Yes... Well, thank you, Billy.

Thank you all for telling us your story.

Boo hoo!

I know it must be painful and upsetting for you.

Yes. It's all right, Mr Badger.

Yes, well, help yourselves to cake and lemonade.

Cor, thanks, Mr Badger! Lemonade and cake!

It just doesn't seem real.

I mean, Toad's always been a silly, selfish chap,

but this is downright vicious.

Well, there it is.

A lot of us seem to have changed.

Yes. Yes, we do.

I never imagined that you thought of me

as a pompous, interfering old fool, Ratty, but...

What? I never...

Toad told me what you said. I quite understand, I quite understand.

That's rubbish. I never said anything remotely like that.

I have the deepest respect for you.

Even when you so clearly disapprove of my boating, my love for the river.

I... disapprove?

- Ratty! - I don't disapprove! I never said that!

- Ratty! - Toad said you did.

Toad said you despised me as a stick-in-the-mud.

What, me? Despise you?

Call Badger...? What's going on, Badger? Something's going on!

- Oh, my! - Yes, yes.

Something mightily unpleasant.

Wait there.

Oh! It's you three, is it?

Yes, Toad, it's us three.

There are things that we wish to discuss with you.

- Oh, really'? How interesting! - Is it all right if we come in, Toad?

Well, since you ask, no, it's not!

- Oh, Toad! - "Oh, Toad"!

I've got some friends in and you haven't got an appointment...

- Appointment? - Yes, it's not convenient.

- Oh, my! - Friends, Toad? What friends?

Us friends, Mr Badger. That's what friends!

- You! - So it was weasels we could hear.

Toad, are they forcing you? Are they holding you against your will?

Don't be so stupid, Mole. Of course they're not forcing me!

- They're sharing Toad Hall with me. - What?

Oh oh oh oh!

Help!

Help, somebody, help! Help, help!

The magistrate will have something to say about this.

Oh, pooh to the magistrate! It's none of his business who I have here.

It's none of your business either!

- But Toad, the magistrate is... - He most certainly is, Mole. And...

You scoundrel! I've a jolly good mind to...

No, Ratty, that's not the way.

And if Toad wants these creatures as his friends,

then it's his business.

Well, very gracious of you, Badger, I'm sure!

And if you would take yourselves off my property...

- I... - Now!

- Badger, just let me... - No, Ratty, no, no!!

Let us take ourselves off.

Oh! Boo hoo hoo!

Oh! Ohh! Ohh!

Ohh!

Huh!

We shall not trouble you again. Come, Rat. Come, Mole.

And that... I believe, is that!

Oh! Not Toad?

My goodness, Badger! But he looked exactly like him, talked exactly like him.

Well, yes, though there was something about him that made me feel uneasy.

He said, "It's none of HIS business."

- None of whose business? - That's just it.

None of the magistrate's business.

I said, "The magistrate will have something to say about this."

Yes, and my word, she will! Mrs Carrington-Moss will be... Oh!

Yes, "none of HIS business". He did say that.

Yes, Mole, he did.

All the same, it must have just been a slip of the...

- Hmm? - The teapot!

- A slip of the teapot, Mole? - No, Ratty.

He didn't know where the teapot's kept. He came round to tea.

Like he'd been 100 times. He didn't know where it was kept.

- I say! - Mm-hm!

It was when he told me you thought I was a stick-in-the...

- Oh, my! - Yes. You see?

By Jove, Badger, I think I'm beginning to! Another Toad!

Yes, yes.

And if that creature is not the real Toad,

then where is our friend?

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness me!

You rotters! Phew!

I never want to see another dish as long as I live!

Oh, don't say that, Mr Toad!

I'll say what I jolly well... Why?

Cos you'd have to dry 'em with your eyes closed!

Dry them?

Well, you wet 'em, Mr Toad, so it's only fair, innit?

- Ha ha ha! - Yeah. Ha ha ha!

Well, I'm jolly well not going to.

You can do what you like, but I am not and that is that!

Oh! Can we really do what we like, Toad?

Yes.

No, all right, all right, I'll dry them!

Erm, now, the tea towel.

Oh, dear. Where do I keep the tea towel?

It must be in a cupboard somewhere.

Oh, tsk! No.

It's not in...

By Jove! It's the downstairs maid's uniform.

I wonder...

Yes.

Why not?

I mean, I've done it before.

I am a master of disguise.

Yeah! Look at the way I escaped from that deep, dark dungeon!

I was that simple washerwoman. Ha ha!

And if a washerwoman, why not a downstairs maid? Ha ha!

Who can restrain the genius of Toad?

Come on, Toad, the dishes is waiting!

Oh, yes. Sorry!

Hee hee hee hee! Hee heel Hee hee, hee hee!

Tsk!

Huh!

Well, I think you should start to move in on the others.

I'd get rid of that Badger character for a start.

Don't underrate him.

It's difficult to underrate these yokels if you ask me!

I ain't asking you! And don't get...

Here! Who the heck's that?

What? Oh, it's only a maid.

I didn't know Toad had a maid. Here, you!

Oh, erm, yes, sir?

- What do you think you're doing? - I'm doing the dusting, Your Lordship.

Oh.

What's your name then?

- It's Edith, sir. - Edith, eh? That's nice.

Your work for Mr Toad?

Oh, yes, sir. And a lovely, handsome, clever person he is, sir.

Oh, yeah, yeah. All right then.

Go on, get on with it.

Yes. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Er, just a minute... Edith!

Are you talking to me...? Yes, sir?

That's a lovely pair of shoes you're wearing.

- They're just like Mr Toad's. - Hmm? Oh, yes.

The master gave them to me. He's so kind and generous.

Oh, yes, he is, isn't he?

And what about the... trousers?

The... Ha ha! The t-trou... The t-t...

Oh, he gave me those as well, sir, on account of I has the most awful cold legs.

Oh, really? Oh, ain't he kind?

Oh, yes, sir. He is, sir. Oh, yes, sir, indeed.

It's a pity he couldn't have given you something to hide that ugly face of yours!

Ugly? Who are you calling ugly? I'll go and polish the door knocker, sir!

No, you won't, Mr Toad!

T... Toad? But I am a...

I... I... Ohh!

Oh, drat, oh, double drat!

- Eh? - Chief, it's Toad...

He's here, isn't he? No thanks to you!

Take him back to the cellar and lock him up!

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I've got a better idea. Yeah, ha ha! Yeah!

I think I've got a little job for... Ha ha ha! Edith!

- Ha ha ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha ha ha!

Can you see anything, Ratty?

Give me a moment, Mole. I haven't focused the thing yet.

- Hey! - What is it, Ratty?

- What's she doing there? - She?

That little downstairs maid that used to work for Toad.

My word, she's put on weight!

Fairly bulging out of that...

- Hang on! - What is it?

It's not the maid. It's...

- No, it can't be. - Who, Ratty, who?

- It's Toad! - Oh, my!

Excellent, Chief. Excellent.

Ha ha ha! Yeah. Yeah, good old nosh-up, wasn't it, eh? Ha ha!

A delightful, erm, nosh-up. Ha ha ha!

I must compliment you on your - ha ha ha - kitchen staff!

Eh? Ha ha ha ha! Yeah, she's a little treasure, ain't she?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! She looks a little weary to me.

Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, don't she though?

Yeah, I tell you what, Edith. You can go to bed now.

Just as soon as you've done the washing-up. Ha ha ha ha!

I say! Rotters!

Ha ha ha!

Oh, you beasts!

Absolute beasts!

We've got to get him out and soon.

And the Weasels. And this other Toad.

My word, yes! The scoundrel!

But first, we've got to get ourselves into Toad Hall.

- Not through the front door. - There is the tunnel.

Exactly. And who better to lead us through it than you, Mole?

- We still have to get near to the hall. - Yes...

I think a diversion will be needed.

Right, nearly time to go.

- Billy, Ernest... - Yes, Mr Rat?

- You know what to do? - Yes, Mr Rat.

We're going to create a does... does a... divers...

- Diversion, Billy. - Yes, I know, I know.

Yes, well, off you go. And do take care.

Yes, Mr Mole. Don't worry, Mr Mole. Bye!

Bye, Mr Mole!

Aw! "Don't worry, Mr Mole." I do hope they'll be all right.

Listen to those villains! Just listen to the noise!

Very nice, Mr Isambard. Very nice. You ought to be on the stage!

Here! Have you checked up on Toad?

Yes, Chief, half an hour ago.

- Well, check up on him again! - Yes, Chief.

- I'll do it. - What?

So it's done by someone with a grain of intelligence.

Yeah. Yeah... Oh!

Besides, I want to see if there's a '75 claret in our host's cosy little bedroom.

Oh, yeah? Helping yourself to the best, are you?

Sweets to the sweet, Chief. Sweets to the sweet.

Yeah.

And you lot keep the blooming noise down!

That's it! The youngsters have done it!

- Someone's shooting! - Get after 'em! That way! Quick!

Come on, come on, come on!

Have you got them? What was they firing?

They wasn't firing nothing. It was rip-raps and bangers.

What? Fireworks?

Flipping kids!

All I'm saying is that you might have got here sooner.

Ouch! Ouch!

- I say, chaps, do hurry up! - All right, Toad, I'm doing my best!

But I've been tied up in here for days.

- Won't be a minute. - You've been a minute already!

- Toad, stop complaining! - Stop complain...?

- Ssh! - What is it, Rat?

- Someone coming! - Back here! Behind the wine racks!

Yes. Yes. No! What about me? Don't leave me! I say!

- Ohh! - Toad?

- Oh, it's you! - What are you up to?

Up to? What am I up to? What can I be up to?

Tied in my own cellar by you beastly rotters!

- Oh, shut up, Toad! - Ooh! Tsk!

What I'm interested in is your very fine '75 claret.

Or do I mean MY very fine '75 claret? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! You... you rotter!

Now, then, let me see.

Yes, it should be somewhere, erm, here.

What?

Ohh!

Poor chap. The wine seems to have gone to his head.

That's him. That's Isambard Toad. He is an actor and he is also a villain.

It's a good job we've seen you first, Toad. He's the absolute image of you.

Nothing of the sort! Mole, look! Much coarser features, nothing like my nose!

Yes, thank you, Toad.

Let's untie him before anyone else turns up.

Abso-bally-lutely and let's get out of here!

Erm, yes.

"Erm, yes"? Ha ha ha! No "erm" about it, Badger! I should think not.

Ah! Ooh! Oh!

Thank you, Mole. Free! Free at last!

Phew! Now, quick, come on!

That, I know, was our intention.

Was?

Ha ha ha! Was?

It's my intention, don't you worry! Now come on!

- We've had an amazing stroke of luck. - Oh, good. Now come on!

- And we would be fools not to use it. - Badger, stop talking! Let's get out!

Toad, let's hear what Badger has to say.

Tsk! Ohhh, no-o-o!

Just this. If Isambard can become Toad,

then Toad can become Isambard.

Yes. What's he talking about?

- You mean join in with the Weasels? - Exactly.

A spy in the enemy camp.

By Jove, Badger! You've got something there!

Ha ha ha! But who's going to...? He's gone mad!

Look, Toad, you can't just run.

If this wretch doesn't return with his claret,

the Chief Weasel will look for him.

MY claret! Well, what about it?

Then he'll know that you've escaped.

The game will be up and he'll fortify Toad Hall

against your inevitable attempt to regain it from him.

Yes, but... But I...

I can't stay here!

- Of course not, Toad. - Eh? Oh, phew!

He'll stay here while you take his place upstairs.

I take his place up... While I take his...?

Dress in his clothes with him tied up in yours.

Oh ha ha ha! No! I won't do it, I won't!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no... No!

- It's the best way. You'll be all right. - Fat lot you know about it!

They'll never know. Just pretend to be him pretending to be you.

Me pretending to be him pretending to be me? Is that all?

That, and see what you can learn of those villains' plans.

- Badger, it's im... - Soon you can go to bed.

And in the morning, you can pretend to leave for London.

And why are you leaving for London?

Ha ha! It's er...

It's my silly old aunt.

On her death bed, so I hear, and she's rich as Croesus.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes.

So, I'll pop along and be fearfully nice to the poor old soul

and persuade her to leave me lots of the clinking stuff.

Oh, yeah. You can persuade her to leave us all some an' all!

- Ha ha! Ha ha ha! - Heh heh heh heh!

Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ahem!

Well, better make a start, don't you know?

Wouldn't want to get there too late, if you see what I mean?

Too late? Oh, yeah!

Ha ha! Too late! Yeah!

Ha ha ha! Too late! Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Yes. Ha ha ha!

Poor, simple souls. They think I'm in London!

Ha ha ha! Brilliant! Hee hee!

Do you mind if I have another cream cake?

They kept me awfully short of cream cake!

Look, Toad, I thought you were supposed to be telling us

about some plan you'd brilliantly uncovered.

Hmm... Was I? Oh, gosh, yes! They're going to blow you up!

- Blow us up? - What?

They're going to blow up your homes. Yours and Mole End and Ratty's.

- Oh, my goodness! - How?

Well, they've dug holes underneath your homes

and they're going to fill them with explosives and blow them up.

And you'll have no homes and you'll have to go away

and won't bother them any more.

Hmm! Hmm! On Friday.

Friday? The day after tomorrow!

Just enough time to organise our defences. But...

- Yes, Badger? - We mustn't arouse their suspicions.

Nothing must happen to make them change their plans.

- Like what, Badger? - Like Isambard failing to return.

But Isambard's tied up in the cellar.

No, Toad, you are tied up in the cellar.

And Isambard is about to return.

Well... Ha ha! Look, I don't quite...

Oh!

You're not suggesting...?

Oh, no, no, I won't do it!

I am not going back there!

I won't! I won't! I won't!

Then they hit me and tied me up. Will you listen?

I am listening, I am listening, Mr Toad!

If you're Isambard, who was I drinking that nice bottle of your claret with?

His claret, his claret! With Toad, you idiot!

Here! That's not a very nice way to talk to the Chief. Not very nice!

- No, that's right. And you, shut up! - Oh!

- So where's Toad now? - How do I know where he is?

You've let him escape, you halfwit! You'll never see him again!

Wait a minute. Well, I don't know. I mean...

How could I have a lump on my head if I hadn't been knocked out?

Oh, that's very true, Chief. Very true.

Oh... Well, yeah.

Yeah, I suppose it might be.

If that Toad's tricked me, I'll blow him up an' all!

If you ever find him. Now get these ropes off now!

What's going on?

- It's him, it's Toad. Grab him! - What's Toad on about now?

Eh? Erm, well...

He says you're Toad and he's Isambard.

I'm Toad? Ahem, ahem!

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

By Jove, yes, I jolly well am! Ha ha ha ha!

Heh heh heh heh heh!

But I've got a lump on my head.

Yes, sorry about that, Toad,

but you were being very rude to me!

Rude to you? I'll kill you!

Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, watch it!

Ahem! If you're Isambard,

you'll know what I've been to London for. Hmm? Won't you?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's right!

So what's he been to London for then?

I don't know what he's been to London for!

Ha ha ha ha...

Oh!! Well, there you are then!

I've been to see my poor old... well, rich old... Ha ha ha ha!

- Heh heh heh heh! - Ha ha ha ha!

...rich old auntie on her death bed.

Fools! Fools!

I haven't got an auntie!

No?

Well, in that case, you can't be Isambard, can you?

But... But...

Ha ha! There! And you, birdbrain!

You don't expect us to believe that you'd ever have come back here

if you had escaped, do you? The biggest coward on the River Bank?

- I say, steady on! - "Steady on!" Ha ha ha ha!

"I say, steady on!"

Ha ha ha! Oh, you do him a treat, Mr Isambard!

Mind you, Mr Toad does you quite nice, Isambard. He nearly had us fooled.

But I am Isambard!

Yes, I know you are, that's right!

Ha ha ha! Cancel his lovely bread and water for a couple of days.

Right, Chief. Very nice, Chief.

Idiots! Fools!

I'll kill you! You'll pay for this! Fools!

Here, good job you came back when you did. Nearly had me believing him.

Hmm... Tsk tsk tsk tsk!

He'd have been off spilling the beans about our plans to the others.

Close thing. How are the plans working out, by the way?

Perfect. Just perfect.

All three tunnels is dug and there's two of the blokes to each tunnel

with enough stuff to blow up the Houses of Parliament.

Oh, good, good.

And then we all goes out together

to see Messrs homeless blooming Badger, Rat and Mole

off the territory

once and for all!

Two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight...

nine, ten!

Hello? It should've gone off.

Yeah, well, give it a minute.

Oh, blow it!

It must have gone out. Go and see.

Me? You go. You lit it!

Yeah, I lit it, so you go. Fair's fair!

All right.

- Ugh! - Eric, what are you doing?

Here, where are... Oh! Ugh!

Well, that's all right then, Ratty. I wonder how the others got on?

Ah me!

Evil to those who evil think,

as my dear old father used to say.

Well, now, as soon as I hear that Otter and the others

have coped with things at Mole End,

I think we'd better have some explosions.

I wouldn't like to disappoint those villains at Toad Hall.

Ohhh! Ohhh!

Ah! Done it!

I should be master of Toad Hall and I will be!

Why should I have to lie and cheat my way through life when...

Locked! Locked, is it?

I'll soon fix that. Urgh!

Come on, come on. What are they doing?

Hey, hey, hey!

They've done it!

Badger, Rat and Mole! Ha ha!

I've blown their homes to bits! Ha ha ha ha!

I've won! Ha ha! I've won, I've won!

Congratulations, Chief.

Yeah, yeah, right. Go and round the others up.

We'll make sure there's nothing left of their rotten little holes.

- We're gonna throw them out for ever! - Right, Chief. Very nice, Chief.

Me and the lads will see them lot off.

You make sure Toad's locked up and keep an eye on the place.

Yes, I'll just make myself at home. Oh!

That was a good 'un. That's a good 'un, Isambard. Ha ha!!

- Phew! - Ha ha ha!

- We're ready, Chief! - I'm coming!

Phew! Oh!

Ohh! I hope the others are all right.

Right, you lot, get in line, we're going!

Yes, Chief, going you certainly are!

- You! - And me, Chief.

- And me. - Me too.

In fact, quite a company of us.

Oh, heck!

Now, Chief, inside, if you will!

- And you! - Grr! Grr!

Here, you louts, you!

If you please, Chief!

Grr! Grrrrr!

Ah! There you are, Toad.

And still in one piece, I see.

- Badger, it's Isambard, he's... - Ratty! Mole!

- Oh, dear! Which... - Don't listen to him!

He's trying to trick you! He's trying to escape! I'm Toad!

But how... How did you get out? How?

- Badger, Mole, don't listen to him! - Look, will you stop that? I'm Toad!

No, you're not. There will only ever be one Toad and that's me!

- Eh? - Badger, which one is Toad?

I'm not sure, Mole. I'm not sure.

- Now, Isambard... - How dare you call me that!

You bounder! You absolute bounder!

Oh oh ohhh!

Oh! Oh oh oh oh!

Aagh! Aaagh! Ha ha ha ha!

Come on, Toad. Come on!

A Toad, a Toad, always a Toad!

Help! Help!

Ohhh!

Ohhh!

Help me! Catch him!

- Ah! - Aaaah!

Ow!

Oh, you impostor!

Please!

Let go, let go!

Oh! Help!

Help! Let go!

- Aaaaagh! - Aaaaagh!

Aaaagh! Help! Help!

Badger! Help!

Aaaagh!

Ohhh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ha ha ha! Semper...

bufo.

Ohhh!

So, Toad, it's you!

Yeah.

There will never be anyone quite like you.

I still can't fathom out how you knew which Toad was which, Badger.

"Semper bufo." The Toad family motto.

What Toad said before he passed out.

"Semper bufo." "Always a toad."

I doubt that Isambard, well versed as he was, would have known that.

Then, of course, he fainted.

Only our Toad would have fainted.

Fainted? Huh!

I didn't faint. No, it was just... Well, I'm...

No, you're right, Badger. I did faint.

Good heavens, Toad! Are you all right?

This business with Isambard has taught me an awful lot.

I know, Toad. And there is much to think about.

That evil pair all but succeeded in their intent,

all but robbed us of a way of life.

All but, Badger. But they can't do much harm from a prison cell.

True, Ratty, true.

I fancy they will not be troubling us again.

Friends, badgers, rats and moles!

Lend me your ears!

I come to praise Caesar, not to...

No, I come to bury Caesar, not...

Was it...? Em, let's see.

I didn't like that one anyway.

Ha ha! This is more me. Yes.

All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players.

- Ohh... - They have their exits.

Aaaagh!

Help!

Help! Oh, help!

Badger! Oh, Mole! Ratty!

Help!

Oh, Toad!

Oh, drat and double drat!

Ha ha ha!

♪ The clever men at Oxford Know all that's to be knowed

♪ But none of them know half as much as intelligent Mr Toad

♪ The animals sat in the Ark Their tears in torrents flowed

♪ Who was it said, “ "There's land ahead"? Mr Toad...!

♪ The world has held great heroes As history books have showed

♪ But never a name went down to fame Compared with that of Toad!

♪ Intelligent Mr Toad! Encouraging Mr Toad! ♪