Original subtitles

♪ Dum de dum dee dee

Oh, no.

♪ Dee de dee dee ♪

Now, then.

Oh.

Bother.

Oh!

Oh, dear.

That's better.

Oh, bother and blow.

So much to do.

Oh, hang spring cleaning.

Oh, my, oh, my.

Ha ha!

Hello.

- Rat? - Hello, Mole.

Didn't think you chaps ever came out in the sunlight.

- Why don't you come over? - Oh, it's all very well to talk.

Ah, yes.

- A boat? - That's right.

Hang on to that.

Thank you.

Come on. Step lively.

Oh. Ooh. I've n-never been in a... boat.

Never been in a...

Well, I... What have you been doing all your life'?

Is... Is it so nice?

Nice? Oh ho. It's the only thing.

Believe me, there is nothing, absolutely nothing

half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.

Messing about in boats. Simply messing.

- Look out, Rat! - Oh!

Ooh!

Argh...

Are you all right?

Yes, messing about in boats.

Or with boats. In or out of them, it doesn't matter.

Ah... Look here, if you've nothing else on hand this afternoon,

would you care to go for a row down the river?

- Care to? - We might have a picnic.

Ah... Shove that down there.

Ah...

Your house?

- That's right. - Oh, my...

So this is a river.

The river.

And you really live by the river?

By it and with it, on it and in it.

It's brother and sister to me, and aunts and company,

and food and drink, and, naturally, washing.

It's my world. I don't want any other.

What it hasn't got isn't worth having

and what it doesn't know isn't worth knowing.

Lord, the times we've had together.

Whether in winter or summer, spring or autumn,

it's always got its fun and its excitements.

What do you say we moor here and have our picnic?

Oh, yes.

Now, what have we here?

There's cold chicken, cold tongue, cold ham, cold beef,

gherkin salad, French rolls, mustard and cress,

- potted meat, ginger beer, lemonade... - Stop! This is too much!

Too much? Oh, do you really think so?

It's only what I usually take on these excursions,

and Toad always tells me that I'm a mean beast and cut things very fine.

Now, pitch in, old fellow.

Oh, my.

My, oh, my.

Mmm...

Hee hee!

Beautiful!

I say, there's old Badger.

Badger!

Badger, old chap, come and join us.

Company...

Yes, that's just the sort of fellow he is.

Simply hates society. He'll be off home now.

Where does he live?

In the Wild Wood.

We don't go there very much, we river people.

Is there something wrong with it?

Er... Well, not wrong, exactly.

The squirrels are all right and hedgehogs and some rabbits,

and of course no one interferes with Badger. Well, they'd better not.

Why, who should interfere with him?

Well, there are others. Stoats and weasels.

Hello, there, Mr Rat.

Having a picnic with your friend? Ooh, very nice

- Leave that alone. - Very nice.

Heh heh heh...

You ought to visit us Wild Wooders one day, sir.

You don't want to believe everything people say about us.

Afternoon, gentlemen.

They don't seem too bad.

Oh, they're all right in a way, but...

Well, I never go to the Wild Wood and you won't either,

if you've got any sense.

Hello, where is the potted meat?

I couldn't eat another bite.

Well, I suppose I really ought to pack the basket.

Oh, do let me.

My dear fellow, please do, if you'd really like to.

Oh, bother.

Don't worry about that, old chap.

Oh, what a splendid time we're having.

Look here, why don't you come and stay with me for a few days?

I live in a very plain and simple way.

- My home is nothing like Toad Hall. - Toad Hall?

Oh, of course, you haven't met Toad yet, have you?

Why don't we drop down the river and call on him?

I suppose... I couldn't row, could 17?

Bother!

Both oars together, old chap, if you can manage it.

Oh, yes, Rat.

♪ All along the back water Through the rushes tall

♪ Ducks are a-dabbling Up tails all

♪ Ducks tails, drakes tails Yellow feet a-quiver

♪ Yellow bills all out of sight Busy in the river

♪ Slushy green undergrowth Where the roach swim

♪ Here we keep our larder

♪ Cool and full and dim

♪ Mmm

♪ Everyone for what he likes We like to be

♪ Heads down, tails up Dabbling free

♪ High in the blue above Swifts whirl and call

♪ We're down a-dabbling Up tails all

♪ High in the blue above Swifts whirl and call

♪ We're down a-dabbling

♪ Dab dab dabbling

♪ We're down a-dabbling

♪ Up tails all }

There's Toad Hall.

My goodness.

You're sure it's all right to call on Mr Toad unannounced?

Oh, certainly.

It's never the wrong time to call on Toad.

Yes, dear old Toad.

He always has some new craze, you know,

and I managed to get him interested in sculling.

He's not much good at it, but if it keeps him out of mischief.

He's the best of animals, really.

So good-natured and affectionate.

Perhaps he's not very clever, well, we can't all be geniuses,

and he may be rather boastful and conceited,

but he has some great qualities, has Toady.

And Toad Hall is one of the finest houses in these parts.

Though, of course, we never say so to Toad.

A ha!

Hello, Toad. This is Mole.

Oh, hello, Mole!

Ha ha, hooray! This is splendid.

Ratty, you're just the chap I wanted to see.

Having trouble with boating?

Oh, poo Boating. I've given that up long ago.

I've discovered the real thing,

the only genuine occupation of a lifetime.

Ooh hoo! Come and see.

Come along, come along, come along. Just over here.

There you are. Ooh hoo! The open road, the dusty highway.

Here today and up and off to somewhere else tomorrow. Ooh.

Travel, change, excitement.

Oh, no...

Mind you, this is the finest cart ever built without any exception.

Designed it myself. All complete. Nothing whatever forgotten.

And so you'll find, when we all set out on our first expedition this afternoon.

We? This afternoon?

I'm not going and that's flat. And Mole will do as I do, won't you, Mole?

Of course I will, Rat.

All the same, it sounds as if it might have been, well, rather fun, you know.

♪ It's a life of ease On the open road

♪ Rambling where you please On the open road

♪ Here today and there tomorrow

♪ Wave goodbye to care and sorrow

♪ You can beg or steal or borrow

♪ On the open road

♪ Huh No one asks me how I feel

♪ About the open road

♪ You are free to roam On the open road

♪ Though you're far from home On the open road

♪ Never mind the wind or weather

♪ Wandering the lanes together

♪ Through the hills and trees And heather

♪ On the open road ♪

Mmm... Mmm hmm hmm...

This is the life.

Mmm. Hal

Talk about your old river.

I don't talk about my river.

I think about it.

I think about it all the time.

- Ratty. - Mmm?

It's all my fault. Let's go home.

No.

We'll see it out.

Thanks all the same, but we must stick by old Toad.

♪ So we sing our song On the open road

♪ As we roll along On the open road

♪ We've a whole wide world before us

♪ We'll be famous as explorers

♪ Come on, Alfred Join the chorus

♪ On the open road

- ♪ On the o... - ♪ O...

-♪ pen -♪ pen

♪ Road

♪ Road ♪

I say, you fellows,

this is the only way to travel.

Eh?

Woo...

Whoa!

Steady on, Alfred. No harm done.

- Villains. - Whoa!

- Scoundrels. - Whoa!

- Highwaymen. - Steady.

- Road hogs! - Steady.

Steady.

Poop, poop.

Toad, old chap. Are you all right?

The poetry of motion.

Toad, Alfred's not hurt,

and I'm sure we can get the caravan mended, and...

Caravan? Pooh!

Nasty common canary-coloured cart.

That is the only way to travel. Woo hoo!

Here today, in next week, tomorrow. Poop, poop.

- Now, Toad... - Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.

Hey hey hey!

Ha ha ha ha! Whoa!

Hey hey! Poop poop!

Whoo hoo! Hey hey hey!

Ha ha ha! Hey hey hey!

Poop poop! Ha ha ha ha!

Hello, you fellows.

Ha ha, hey hey! Oh!

Oh, no.

Poop... poop.

Are you all right, Mr Toad?

You want to... watch out.

You'll be had up for dangerous driving one of these days.

- Ha ha ha... - Heh heh heh!

Ha ha! Ah ha ha! Ooh...

Poop poop.

Ha ha! Whey hey!

Oops. Ooh.

Ha ha! Oops! Hey hey hey!

Hey hey! Hello! Ooh...

Poop poop...

Poop poop...

Peep peep... Poop poop...

Brroom, brroom, poop...

Brrrrr brr...

Poop. Poop.

Poop.

I really am worried about Toad.

Oh, it's only another of his passions. He'll grow out of it.

Poop poop.

I hope.

Ha ha! Come on!

Oh, oh dear. Oooh.

Ha ha ha!

Cor, he's going very fast.

It's Mr Toad.

- Mr Toad, look out! - Aaagghh!

He'll kill himself one day.

Hey hey hey hey!

Are you all right, Mr Toad?

Ha ha ha. Poop poop!

Ha ha ha! Ooh!

We really must do something about Toad.

Oh, yes. Um... What shall we do?

Well, there's only one person Toad would take notice of and that's Badger.

- We must go and see him. - Oh, yes. Now?

Mmm? No, no, it's ...

It's too late now. And it looks as though it might snow.

Besides, Badger lives in the middle of the Wild Wood, underground.

Not our sort of place at all.

But I...

it sounds just like my... sort of place.

Is this the way to Mr Badger's house?

Oh, it is, sir. It is.

Er... Straight on. You can't miss it.

Thank you.

Heh heh heh...

Grrrrr...

Oh, no!

Stop!

Ratty...

Mmm... Ah. Ahem...

Moley?

'Ratty, have gone to see Mr Badger in the Wild Wood. Moley.'

Oh, my goodness.

- Er... - Out of my way.

Mole!

Moley!

Oh, Moley.

Mole?

Mole?

Mole, it's me. It's old Rat.

- Ratty. - Moley.

- Is it really you? - Are you all right?

Oh, Rat, it's so frightening.

It's all right, old fellow.

But you really shouldn't have come to the Wild Wood.

I did try to warn you. We must get home.

The trouble is everything looks so different in the snow.

Oh, Ratty, I'm so sorry but I don't think I can walk any further.

Now you must try, old chap.

The path's up there somewhere. Come on.

Ow! Owww!

- What happened? - I fell over that door scraper.

Door scraper? That's funny.

It didn't feel funny.

Mole, here's a door mat.

A door mat?

Help... Help me clear this away. This is our last chance.

Ratty, you're so clever.

Now, the very next time this happens, I shall be exceedingly angry.

Who is it this time, disturbing people on such a night?

- Speak up. - Oh, Badger.

It's me, Rat and my friend Mole. Do let us in, please.

Oh. Why, Ratty, my dear little man.

Come along in, both of you, at once.

You must be perished. Well, I never,

and in the Wild Wood too at this time of night.

But, come in, will you? Come in.

Come along, Ratty.

There's a good fire in the kitchen. I'll get you both a nice hot drink.

Lovely to be underground again.

When you're underground, nothing can get at you.

That's exactly what I say.

Look at Rat now, a couple of feet of flood water

and he has to move. Or Toad Hall. Oh...

It's very splendid, I dare say. But sort of draughty.

No, no. Underground is my idea of home.

Now then, what's the news from your part of the world?

How's young Toad?

Oh, he's going from bad to worse. Another smash up only last week.

Mmm... How many has he had?

Smashes or cars? Oh, well, it's the same thing with Toad.

- This is his seventh, Ratty, isn't it? - Yes.

Irresponsible animal.

He's a hopelessly bad driver, with no thought for law and order.

He'll kill someone... sooner or later.

When I was his age,

we didn't rush around the countryside frightening people.

We had better things to do with our time.

Oh...

Ah, a cricketer, are you? Good, good.

Now, about Toad.

What? Ah, yes. Um... We are his friends, Badger.

We really ought to do something. He's giving us animals a bad name.

You are entirely correct.

Moreover, his father was a friend of mine.

- Most respectable Toad. - Ah.

What do you think we should do, Mr Badger?

I think that you and I

and our friend here,

should take Toad seriously in hand.

We'll stand no nonsense whatever.

We will bring him back to reason, by force if necessary.

The hour has struck.

Do you agree, lad?

Er... Mm? Oh, absolutely. Yes.

I... I quite agree, definitely. No question.

First thing in the morning,

we will pay a call on Toad.

A ha! Hello, you fellows.

You're just in time to come for a jolly spin in my new...

In... in my new...

You will not be needing that... machine.

I shall send it back.

What? I say... I...

And, Toad...

You will give us your solemn promise never to touch a motorcar again.

Shan't!

Inside! Take him to the library, and I will try what argument can do.

- Owl - It's for your own good, Toad.

I'm sorry, Toad, but really it is.

- Mole, do catch hold of that. - Ooh!

I say, stop it! What is your...

I say, you chaps... Oh...

We will see whether you come out of that room the same Toad you went in.

Let go. Oh... You cads. Ooh, no. Let go. Ouch...

You knew it must come to this sooner or later, Toad.

You've disregarded all the warnings we've given you.

You've gone on squandering the money your father left you,

and you're giving us animals a bad name in the district by your frivolous driving

and your smashes and your rows with the police.

Independent, all very well,

but we animals never allow our friends to make fools of themselves

beyond a certain limit, and that limit you've reached.

Now, you're a good fellow in many respects.

I don't want to be too hard on you.

I'll make one more effort to bring you to reason.

Oh, I am indeed a foolish Toad.

No, never again.

Never, ever again.

My friends,

I am pleased to inform you

that Toad has seen the error of his ways.

He is truly sorry for what he has done,

and perceives the folly of it all.

That is good news.

Do you, Toad?

Do you, really?

No. Ha ha. I'm not sorry at all.

Ha ha! And it wasn't folly, it was simply glorious.

What? You backsliding animal. Didn't you tell me in there...

Oh, yes, in there. I'd have said anything in there.

You're so eloquent, dear Badger,

and you put your point so frightfully well.

You could do what you liked with me in there.

But I'm not sorry, really, so it's no good saying I am.

Do you mean to say you don't promise never to touch a motorcar again?

On the contrary.

I faithfully promise that the first motor car I see... Poop poop!

Take him upstairs and lock him in his bedroom.

Poop poop.

It is worse than I thought.

We shall just have to let it burn itself out.

Vroom, vroom!

Look out, Toad is coming. Vrooom!

Beep beep. Poop poop.

Brrmmmmmm. Argghhh! Oh, dear.

We must guard him day and night.

Arggh... Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Poop poop.

Vrooom! Poop poop...

- Lunch, Toady. - Mmm? Oh.

Nothing for me, dear boy.

What?

Could you... Could you do me one last favour and... fetch a lawyer?

- A lawyer? - Yes. So that I can make my will.

I fear it is too late... for a doctor.

Badger? Mole?

I think Toad's ill.

Are you sure, Rat? You know what a feller Toad is for play-acting.

Yes, I know. But he... He's asked for a lawyer.

A lawyer?

- I think he's really ill. - He doesn't look ill to me.

Ah ha ha! Na na na!

Quick! After him.

Toad!

Ha ha ha ha!

Woo! Hey hey hey hey!

Toad!

Ha ha ha! Wahoo!

Oh. Ooop.

He must have gone this way.

Come on, Mole.

Where are you going?

Mole! Come on.

Hee hee hee!

Aha.

I say, I wonder if you could help me.

Having a spot of bother with me car.

Oh? What sort of bother?

Um...

It's the er... crankshaft. It's um... flat.

Really? Aha.

- I should be able to fix that. - Oooh, shall I come too, Reggie?

Ah... Wh-wh-where's your machine?

Um... Oh, it's over there, if you'd just take a look at it.

Oh, certainly, old bean. Anything for a fellow motorist.

- Hey hey! - Oh, I say!

Oh, Reggie.

Ha ha ha! Poop poop!

Really?

Flagged me down with a cock and bull story

about a flat crankshaft. Well, I always help a fellow motorist.

Got out, cad hopped in, and away.

Er... The chap's a damned frog.

- Poop poop! - I say!

- Fat face! - Really?

- I say! - Ooh, Reggie!

Moley!

Moley, where are you going?

Moley!

I am cold and I am tired and I'm going home.

I've finished with Toad.

The riverbank's this way. Come on.

Oh. It'll be good to be in the warm and have a bite to eat, hmm?

Yes, I'll be glad to be home again, won't you?

Mole?

What is it, old fellow?

Whatever can be the matter?

I know it's a shabby, dingy little place,

not like your cosy quarters,

or Badger's or Toad's beautiful Hall,

but it was my own little home and I went away and forgot all about it.

And then I smelt it,

and I wanted it,

but you wouldn't stop, Ratty, and...

Oh, dear, oh, dear...

I had to leave it and I thought my heart would break.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I see it all now.

What a pig I've been.

Well, come on, old fellow.

Wherever are you going to, Ratty?

We are going to find that old home of yours so you'd better come along.

We shall need your nose.

Oh, Ratty, why ever did I do it?

Why did I bring you to this poor, cold little place

when you might have been at Riverbank by now,

toasting your toes before a blazing fire.

Hang Riverbank.

What a capital little house this is.

So... compact.

Well, we'll make a jolly night of it, Moley.

Now, the first thing we want is a good fire.

Well, bustle about, old chap.

Oh, Rat. How about your supper? I've nothing to give you, not a crumb.

There's the carol singers. They come here every year.

I... I've nothing to give them, either.

What a fellow you are for giving in, Mole.

I distinctly saw a sardine tin opener, so there must be sardines, at least.

There's no bread, no butter.

No pate de foie gras. No champagne.

Now, come with me and forage.

♪ Joy was hers in the morning

Oh, look. "I've nothing to eat"?

Well, I mean, this is fit for a king.

♪ The wind they follow

Is this the cellar? What about some mulled wine?

♪ Yet draw us in to your fire to bide

♪ And joy shall be yours in the morning

♪ Here we stand in the cold and the sleet

♪ Blowing fingers and stamping feet

♪ Come from far away you to greet

♪ You by the fire and we in the street

♪ Bidding you joy in the morning

♪ Then they heard the angels tell

♪ Who were the first to cry Noel

♪ Animals all as it befell

♪ In the stable where they did dwell

♪ And joy shall be yours in the morning

♪ Joy shall be yours

♪ In the morning ♪

Well sung, boys.

Now come and have something to eat and drink.

Absent friends, Badger and Toad, wherever he may be.

Excuse me, sir, but 'aven't you 'eard?

Heard what? And don't drop your h's.

- About Mr Toad, sir. - What about him?

Well, sir, he's... he's got himself harrested.

Oh, no! I knew it.

To my mind, the only difficulty in this very clear case

is how to make it sufficiently hot

for the incorrigible rogue and hardened ruffian

whom we see cowering in the dock before us.

He has been found guilty on the clearest evidence,

- first of stealing a valuable motorcar. - Bounder!

And secondly of driving to the public danger

and thirdly of gross impertinence to the rural peace,

namely addressing a constable as "fatface”.

Ahem. Now, then...

Oh, I say.

Mr Clerk, what is the stiffest,

the very stiffest penalty we can impose for each of these offences

without, of course, giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubt,

because there isn't any.

Well, ma'am, you might give er... 12 months for the theft.

Which is mild.

And er... three years for furious driving.

Huh! Which is lenient.

And 15 years for the cheek, which was pretty bad sort of cheek.

- Namely calling him "fatface”. - Ha ha ha ha!

Ahem. Now, then.

- That adds up to er... - 19 years.

19 years?

And another year for being vain.

20 years.

I've been told

you are a criminal of deepest guilt

and matchless artfulness and resource,

whatever that means.

And I intend to watch and ward you with all my skill.

So you will languish for 20 years

in the deepest dungeon, in the best-guarded jail,

in the length and breadth of merry England.

Oooh. Oooh.

Oh, Badger.

Moley...

Ooh, Ratty...

Ooh, where are you now?

That's agreed then.

While Toad is incarcerated,

we must not leave Toad Hall unprotected.

I shall take charge of it.

I owe it to his father.

Poor Toad. Lonely Toad. Forgotten

There you are, daughter.

Ooh, now. Cheer up, Toad.

Sit up and dry your eyes and be a sensible animal.

Father says you haven't had a bite to eat for days.

- Here.

Nothing. Take it away.

I've brought you something I've made myself.

It's bubble and squeak.

Bubble and... squeak?

It's piping hot.

Mmm...

- That's better. - Mmm...

I don't know when I've had better bubble and... squeak, even at Toad Hall.

Toad Hall? Is that where you live?

Mmm. Ooh, the finest gentleman's residence in England.

Ooh, splendid architecture, superbly furnished.

Oh, ho, the most elegant china,

valuable silver, tapestries,

works of art,

stained glass windows.

Oh ho! If only you could see it.

Ha...

Argh!

I really do miss Toad Hall at this time of year.

The daffodils, the primroses and of course the parties.

Ooh, people so enjoyed my speeches.

Oh, and my song, oh, and my jokes.

Ha ha ha! Oh, so witty. Ha ha ha!

- Toad - Mmm?

I have an aunt who's a washerwoman.

Never mind. Think no more about it.

I have several aunts who ought to be washerwomen.

Toad, do be quiet.

My aunt Maud does all the washing in the jail.

People are used to her coming in and out,

and you're very much like her in build.

I am not!

I have a very elegant figure, for what I am.

So has my aunt for what she is. Here, try it on.

Oooh, you're not suggesting

that I should disguise myself as a washerwoman?

You're a horrid, proud, ungrateful animal,

when I'm trying to help you escape.

I thought it was a shame you were shut up here for so long.

You never hurt anyone or did any real harm.

Have it your own way. You can stay here forever for all I care.

There, there.

You are a good, kind, clever girl.

And I am, indeed, a proud and... stupid Toad.

'Night, Maud.

Good night, old chap.

Er... "Old chap"?

Maud!

Hang about!

Stop him! Here he is! Stop him!

Quick! Bring him back!

Oh oh!

Ha ha!

Stop him!

Hello, mother.

Oh, sir.

I am a poor, unhappy washerwoman,

and I've lost all my money, and I must get home tonight.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

That's bad. Got some kids waiting for you too, I dare say.

Eh? Oh, yeah, any amount of them.

All right. It's against company regulations, but up you come.

- He's getting away. - Stop him!

Oh, Reggie!

I say, Lesley, isn't that the frog who stole my car?

♪ The world has held great heroes

♪ As history books have shown

♪ But never a name went down to fame compared with that of Toad

50 years next time!

I say, old bean, where's my car?

- Ooh, Reggie. - Stop him!

♪ The clever men at Oxford know all that is to be known

♪ But none of them know half as much as intelligent Mr Toad

70!

I say. You, there. Stop!

Now... then!

♪ The animals sat in the arc Their tears in torrents flowed

♪ Who was it said there's land ahead encouraging Mr Toad

♪ Encouraging Mr Toad

What's going on?

You're a funny kind of washerwoman, and there's a train following us.

A train? Oh, dear. Kind mister engine driver.

I'm not really a washerwoman...

No, no, I'm... I'm a poor, unfortunate Toad, pursued by the law.

The law, eh? What did you do?

I only... borrowed a motorcar.

Borrowed, eh?

- Still, I don't hold with motorcars. - Stop him!

And I don't hold with being ordered about on me own engine.

- Argh!

Ha ha ha! Hee hee! Whey hey...

- Stop him. - I say!

♪ The army all saluted as they marched along the road

♪ Who was it The king or kitchener?

♪ No, it was Mr Toad

Ah! Home at last. Ha ha!

Must spread the good news.

Why don't I go to Ratty's first?

♪ The queen and all her ladies they by the window sewed

♪ She cried Look, who's that handsome man

♪ They answered... Mr Toad ♪

Who is it, Ratty?

I've no idea.

Don't you know me, Ratty?

- It's me, Toad. - Toad?

Oh ho ho ho, Ratty! Such trials and tribulations.

So nobly born.

Such a state, such subterfuges, all so clever, ha ha ha!

- I am a smart toad and no mistaking... - Toady!

Hello, Mole. Wait till I tell you all about my adventures.

Toad, stop boasting and swaggering and behave yourself.

- You look like a washer woman. - Mmm?

Ah. Oh, well. I'll tell you about that.

But first, if you give me a little light dinner,

perhaps a glass of claret,

and then I'll stroll up to Toad Hall and get a change of clothes.

Oh, Toady, you haven't heard.

Mmm? Heard? Heard what?

The fact is, Toad, that while you were having that little bit of trouble, er...

The weasels have taken Toad Hall.

Taken Toad Hall?

What were my friends doing

while I was lying helpless in my dungeon?

I thought at least you and Mole and... and Badger...

Don't talk about Badger.

You... you don't mean...

They were too strong. Even for Badger.

Oh, noble Badger.

Best of friends.

Eloquent, kind-hearted, faithful...

Now then, Toad. That's enough.

Eh? Badger!

Glad you're back.

While Rat and Mole have been looking after me so kindly,

I've been thinking about Toad Hall.

Oh, Badger.

I shall never see my dear old home again.

It's lost. Lost for ever...

Lost, nonsense.

I have a plan.

Ah. Mmm...

Hmm...

They're doubling up the sentries on the West Gate.

And there are four extra weasels on the Main Gate.

Hello. They're putting guards on the roof.

Morning, you fellows!

Mmm? Oh, hello, Toad. There's tea in the pot.

By nine o'clock, the banquet should be in full swing.

So we should be in the secret tunnel by...

Ooh, is there a secret tunnel?

Your father, a worthy animal, confided in me,

but he said that only in the direst need should I inform you of it.

Oh. Ha ha... I know.

It's that squeaky board in the butler's pantry.

Not at all.

Don't interrupt us, Toady, there's a good fellow.

Now, about weapons. Pistols, of course.

Well, my old blunderbuss is rather heavy, but we might be glad of it.

It depends how many sentries are on duty outside.

How many can you see, Toad?

Er... four.

Only four?

Er... And a washerwoman.

- Hello, Toad.

I say, you fellows, I've had such a time.

I... Where have you been, Mole?

Why, to Toad Hall, of course.

I... I marched up there as bold as brass.

"Good morning, gentlemen,” says I to the sentries, very respectful.

"Want any washing done?" And the sergeant said to me,

"Run away, my good woman, run away."

"Run away?" says I. "It won't be me that'll be running away

"a short time from now. You're going to be attacked.” Ha ha ha!

You didn't say that?

I said a lot more. "100 bloodthirsty badgers," I said,

"are going to attack Toad Hall with six boatloads of rats

"armed to the teeth and a big body of toads,

"known as the Die-hards or Death or Glory Toads

"will storm the orchard, yelling for vengeance.

"There won't be much left of you to wash," I says,

"by the time they've done with you.” Ha ha ha!

Oh, Mole, you silly ass!

You've ruined the surprise. You've been and spoiled everything.

But, Toad, surely Badger told you...

Mole, you have done well. I am exceedingly pleased with you.

Now, all depends upon tonight.

The entry to the tunnel is along here.

- Oh, that tunnel. I... - Sshh!

Take that.

Ah...

Aaahh... Aaahh...

Mwah!

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ There was panic in the parlour

♪ And howling in the hall

♪ There was crying in the cow shed and shrieking in the stall

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ There was smashing in of window

♪ And crashing in of door

♪ There was chivvying of weasels that fainted on the floor

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

Toad! Quiet, you ass.

- I was only just trying... - Ssshh! Quiet, Toad.

♪ Bang... go the drums

♪ The trumpeters are tooting

♪ And the soldiers are saluting

♪ And the cannons they are shooting and the motorcars are hooting

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ Shout Shout hooray

♪ And let each one of the crowd try and shout it very loud

♪ In order of an animal of whom you're justly proud

♪ When the Toad came home

♪ When the Toad came home ♪

- Toad! - Eh?

One more sound out of you and back you go!

I say, they are enjoying it.

Quiet for the chief. Quiet for the king.

Quiet!

And now a toast. Ha ha ha!

To our kind host Mr Toad. Ha ha ha!

How dare they!

Now, we all know Toad.

Sensible Toad.

Modest Toad.

Brave Toad.

The toast is...

...down with Toad!

I'll give him "Down with Toad!" And in my own banqueting hall, too.

Aaaghhh!

I er...

I think we'd better wait for the others.

Others?

The hundred Badgers and all those Rats

and the Death-or-Glory Toads.

We could do with a few more Moles as well.

- Where are the others? - There are no others, Toad.

No... No... No others?

No, Toad, there's just Badger, Rat, me and... and you, Toad.

But thanks to our young friend Mole,

they think there are hundreds of us. Come on.

Huh? Always a Toad...

A Toad...

Whey hey! Whoa...

Chief, it's old Badger.

Riverbank ours! Riverbank ours!

Mole! Mole!

Mole! Mole!

One thump and one thump and one thump...

Ooh! Missed again!

- Look out, Mole. - Aaagghh!

A Toad. Always a Toad!

- Behind you, Badger. - Thump and thump and thump...

- Aha... Mr Toad! - Argh.

Grrrrr...

Hooray!

Well done, Toad.

Ho ho ho, Badger. I didn't do anything.

You fellows did it all. I just... I mean... Hooray!

Hooray!

Did I tell you Toad said he might be dropping in for tea?

He's quite a reformed character,

more like his esteemed father every day.

We may indeed congratulate ourselves.

Still, it was rather exciting, wasn't it? I'm almost sorry it's all over.

Ha ha! Hello, you fellows!

- You maniac! - Lock him up!

Toad, this time you've gone too far!

Hang motoring. This is the life!

Wahey! Ha ha ha!

Oh, no.

Oh, dear...

Oh. Er...

I say, you chaps. Ah. You're just the chap I wanted to see, Ratty,

and you too, Mole. Aha!

Ha ha ha!