Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[wacky upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [gulping nosily]

- [groaning]

- [slurping and popping]

- [grunting]

[plate squeaking] - [moaning]

- [groaning]

- [belching]

- [growling fiercely]

[steam whistle blows]

[screams]

Another rotten day at the Krusty Krab!

[silence]

[all chomping nosily]

Not that anyone's listening.

Huh?

- I'm listening, Squidward. Tell SpongeBob your troubles.

[giggles]

[microphone squeals]

- [sighs] If you must know,

I'm stuck in a dead-end job working at this grease trap.

- [slurping]

- My tentacles hurt.

And I live next door to the number one

most annoying neighbor in Bikini Bottom.

[grumbles]

- Whoo! Number one!

- One more annoying thing, and I'm gonna lose it.

- [whimpers]

[grumbling]

- [sighs] And there it is.

- Your Krabby Patty meal, sir.

- Huh?

Ew!

Fingernails.

[overlapping chatter]

- That's worse than a hair!

- [gulping]

- [screams]

- Ew.

- SpongeBob, would you stop biting your nails?

- Oh, Squidward, I never bite my nails.

- What do you call that?

- [yelps] Oh.

- Ugh, nail-biting is a disgusting bad habit,

so quit it!

- I promise not to bite my nails ever again.

- Ahem!

- [laughs] Oops.

I guess biting my nails has become a bad habit.

Oh, breaking this nail-biting habit'll be a snap.

[chewing nosily]

Just have to keep my nails away...

From my mouth.

Simple.

Huh? Ugh...

[chewing nosily]

I need a plan B.

[light whimsical music]

♪ ♪

There, now my nails are too pretty to bite.

Huh?

[chomping]

- [meows]

- [groans]

Oh.

- [meows] - What's that?

Oh, what a great idea, Gary.

A walk would really clear my head.

[light playful music]

[humming]

- [meows]

- [sniffs]

Ah, I just needed a breath of fresh water.

[sniffs] Ah.

[chomping]

[yelps]

That'll take care of it.

[groans]

Oh, don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't do it.

Well...I do'd it.

[giggles]

Time for stronger measures.

All right, self, let's see ya get out of that one.

[grunting]

- Whoa, SpongeBob, are you okay?

- [gasp] Fred, your nails.

They're so...beautiful.

- Aw, thanks. I really pride myself on--

- [chomping]

- My nails!

- [laughing] Must bite nails.

[laughs menacingly]

- [humming] Give me the works, Ethel.

Ugh, my nails are in terrible shape.

[moans]

Ooh, that feels good.

- [chomping] - [stammering] Ethel,

you know I like to keep my nails long--

[shouting]

SpongeBob!

- So when should we schedule your next appointment?

- [growls]

- Whoa!

- [slurping]

- [groans] - SpongeBob!

Trying out a new look with your face?

- [chomping] - I like it!

- Oh, Patrick, I can't stop...

biting my fingernails.

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Ha! I know just what you need!

[laughs]

[humming]

[people screaming]

Glove World makes me forget all my troubles...

and my name.

- You're right.

I've forgotten all about biting my...

nails!

[howling]

[shouts]

- Huh.

- Hey you, gimme that.

Knuckle 22 to base.

We've got a nail-biter in Pinky Land.

[both shouting]

- [chomping] I think--I think...

I need help. [chomping]

- [line trills] Cheeks residence.

- Sandy!

[chomping] [bell dings]

- Hmm.

- [chomping] [bell dings]

- Aww.

- [chomping] [bell dings]

- Don't worry, SpongeBob.

We'll stop your nail-biting habit quicker than

a jet-powered jackrabbit!

This'll keep your fingers out of your kisser.

- I sure hope so.

- Ah. - Mmm.

- [groaning]

- Oh...uh-uh.

Tell me he ain't doing what I think he's doing.

- Oh, he's good.

- [chomping]

- SpongeBob, that's just plain wrong.

I guess we're gonna have to watch you

like Mr. Krabs watches his bank account!

- [giggles]

- Huh?

- [grumbles]

Oh!

[both snoring]

What, what? Where'd he go?

[unintelligible shouting]

- [chomping] Hi, Sandy.

- It's high time we got you some professional help.

This doctor's the best hypnotherapist

in Bikini Bottom.

He'll sort out your bad habit.

- The doctor will see you now, Mr. SquarePants.

- Oh, please relax, Mr. SquarePants.

Now, what seems to be the trouble?

- Doctor, I can't stop...

I can't stop...

I can't stop biting my nails!

I don't know what to do.

[chomping]

- Well, let us take a peek into your subconscious

and see what is causing your problem.

Keep your eyes on the watch, Mr. SquarePants.

Watch the watch, Mr. SquarePants.

- Watch the watch... Watch the watch...

[woozily] Watch the watch.

- What seems to be troubling you, Mr. SquarePants?

- I can't stop... biting my...

nails.

- Why do you want to bite your nails?

- Stuck in dead-end job.

Work in a grease trap.

- Go on.

- Tentacles hurt.

- Tentacles? Hmm, interesting.

- Neighbor...SpongeBob...

annoying.

- But aren't you SpongeBob, Mr. SquarePants?

- No...I am Squidward.

- [gasp] Mr. SquarePants!

Obviously, you have subconsciously

internalized Mr. Squidward's problems as your own.

When I snap my fingers, you'll realize

you are not Squidward. You are SpongeBob,

and your desire to bite your nails will--

Poof! Disappear.

[snaps fingers] - [gasps]

Am I cured?

- Yeah, you are cured.

- Whoopee! Thanks, Doctor...

Doctor...

Hans!

[gasps]

Giant, delicious fingernails!

- [shouts] Mr. SquarePants, please!

- Doctor Hans, I'm here for my weekly

appointment--

- [chomping]

- I'm going to need therapy for my therapy...