Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

- all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[light accordion music]

♪ ♪

[bubbling]

[laughter]

- Ow! - Oh!

[grunts]

[buzz]

[screams]

[grunts]

[buzz]

[screams]

[light instrumental music]

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[spitting]

both: Hee-hee!

[grunts]

- Oh, oh. - No, no, just--

- Whoa. - [grunts]

- Ahh, whoa! - [laughing]

[grunting]

[exclaiming]

It's harder to walk, but worth it.

Ah, the perfect end to a perfect day:

buying ourselves the perfect ice cream.

So many flavors.

[yodels]

Whoo-hoo!

Hmm, what brand should we buy, HØGAN DUEP?

No, that's too fancy.

both: Rocky road!

With real rocks!

Rocky road, unlike our friendship,

which is a smooth avenue and will never have any bumps.

Bump.

When did food get so ugly?

"Lonely Krab Dinner for One: Now 30% lonelier."

Eee, can't believe what they're charging

for this frozen debris, and I can't believe

they're selling so much of it.

But it sure is convenient.

[groans]

[grunting]

Can you imagine if they had frozen Krabby Patties

at the supermarket?

Oh, that would be so convenient,

everyone in the world could enjoy them.

Ooh, whoo!

SpongeBob, that's a million dollar idea

that I just had that you just said before me.

[bubbling]

[upbeat music]

Hello, welcome to my commercial.

Would you like the convenience of a Krabby Patty at home,

without the hassle of going to the Krusty Krab?

Well, now you can.

Have delicious Krabby Patties any time you want.

They're in your grocer's freezer section.

Buy them. I want your money!

Did you get that, Pearly-girl?

Yes, Daddy, and stop babying me!

So, Mr. Grouper, what do you think?

Call me Don.

Oh, well, okay, Don.

Will this make me rich?

Mr. Krabs, if you wanna sell

zero Krabby Patties and wind up in the poor house,

then I say go with your commercial.

- Oh. - But if you really

want to be rich, keep your mouth shut,

and listen to us, sir.

Ooh, okay.

Let me introduce you to the team here at GGK.

That's Barry Goby, Rob Koi,

and Limia with her team from creative.

Everyone, this is Mr. Krabs and a yellow box.

Oh, uh, actually, my name in Spon--

Let's say we give a look-see at what we've cooked up for you.

The Krabby Patty, a mainstay of dining in Bikini Bottom

for a very long time, like an old friend,

but not too old, because research shows us

old is gross.

- Yes, oh, it's absolutely... - Oh, of course...

- Just gross. - Yeah, no, it's disgusting.

Well, I don't think old is gross.

[yells]

Goo-goo, social networking, ah, ah!

Exactly.

Now, here are some of the slogans

we've been kicking around.

"Krabby Patties: Like a friend, but edible."

"Krabby Patties: The shut-in's favorite patty."

And finally, "Krabby Patties:

Shove 'em in your mouth-hole!"

[burps]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, I have a slogan!

Oh, uh, Krabby Patties:

Taste so nice that they taste nice.

[crickets chirping]

[blows raspberry]

Let's just leave it to the professionals, boy-o.

The thing is, Frozen Krabby Patties

are a convenience for everyone,

and we need a campaign that says exactly that.

We need a regular guy to represent all consumers.

- Me! - Someone everyone

- can relate to... - Oh, me, me!

With a face that says, "I love Krabby Patties."

Mmm.

We find that face, and we have our campaign.

And I've got the perfect guy for the job.

Eee?

[upbeat music]

[ding]

♪ ♪

Krabby Patties: They taste so nice,

that they taste nice.

♪ ♪

Hey, that was my slogan.

Great stuff, huh?

This guy is gonna be a star.

I'm already a star.

That's the attitude.

Hey, SpongeBob, now that I'm finished doing

whatever it is I'm doing, you wanna go play?

- [gasps] - Sorry, yellow box,

Patrick has to make a personal appearance at the mall.

I--oh...

Don, will this commercial really help me make money?

You need to call your bank, Krabs,

because they are gonna have to build an extra vault

to hold all the extra money.

[in Southern accent] Ooh, I do declare, Mr. Grouper,

I believe I have a case of the vapors.

I told you, call me Don.

Don.

Of course, you could double, maybe even triple or quadruple,

that money if you... no, forget it.

What? Forget what?

What, what? What are you saying?

Well, we ran some numbers and realized

that you could make a lot more money

if you changed the formula.

How much "a lot more"?

A lot "a lot more."

Well, then let's fill her up with filler!

Mr. Krabs, are you changing the secret Krabby Patty formula?

Heh, no, I-I can--

well, it's just a little tweak, me boy.

But what is "filler"?

Whoa, hey, this little yellow box sure is full of questions.

What do you say we go see where the money's made?

Ho-ho, that sounds great!

[whimsical music]

Take a look around.

It's your dream come true.

Through the wonders of automation,

this factory can make as many Krabby Patties

in one minute as you used to make in a week.

Take a whiff of the future, Krabs.

Does it smell like money?

[sniffs] Oh, yeah.

[teeth chattering]

Hey, why does that barrel say "sand"?

♪ ♪

Well, it's imported.

It's spelled "sand," but it's pronounced, "filler."

Hey, let's check in on our taste test area.

Whoa, whoa, oh!

♪ ♪

Hmm. This tastes kind of bad.

Would you buy it, though?

Well, yeah, for the convenience...

and the face of that stupid guy. [chuckles]

Though I have noticed a bit of a side effect.

Hmm-hmm.

- [both grunting] - Oh!

[laughs] He loves it.

Great news, Krabs.

Sales are going all the way up to the surface of the ocean.

Here's your first check.

[cash register ding]

Huh?

[cash register ding]

[gasps]

[cash register ding]

[screams]

- Oh. - Mr. Krabs?

I'm rich, boy-o, rich.

Great, can we go back to the Krusty Krab now?

Yes, yes, we can.

Hooray, finally!

[bubbling]

[foreboding music]

[tools clanking]

[exclaiming]

[scatting]

Whatcha doing, boy?

Making Krabby Patties.

Oh, no, you've made your last Krabby Patty.

You mean my last one for the morning rush?

No, ever.

You mean my last one for today-ever?

No, I mean forever and ever.

- You're fired. - Fired?

But I'm ready to re-hire you.

Oh, please, re-hire me Mr. Krabs.

I'll do anything.

Then follow me.

[machine whirring]

[carnival music]

[robotic voice] This tastes nice.

♪ ♪

[robotic voice] Ow, curses, foiled again, ow.

You turned the Krusty Krab into some kind of museum?

That's right, me boy.

It's all history now, but you,

you have the most important job of all.

You give tours and sell tchotchkes

in the gift shop.

Yeah, but what if someone wants a Krabby Patty?

Oh, we've got plenty of Krabby Patties

right here in the freezer.

[microwave whirring]

Ding.

You see?

Customers at the museum can cook the patties themselves,

like this.

[humming, chomping]

Yeah, it's so convenient, see? [chuckles]

And what about me?

Don't worry, Squidward. You're fired.

Well, do I get re-hired for a new job at the museum too?

Heh! No, you're just fired.

What? No, you don't fire me--I quit.

I got my resignation letter all prepared.

- "Dear Mr. Krabs--" - Do you have a ticket, sir?

Can't be in a museum without a ticket.

What the--what? "I-I-I tender my resignation

"from this greasy establishment.

"Too long have I toiled

"under your iron claw.

"Now I am free--free to live

"my dreams of being a ballet dancer, ha-ha,

"and the first chair clarinet in the Bikini Bottom Orchestra,

"ha-ha, and I am going to finally publish

my mystery/thriller novel: 'Dial D for Doily'!"

[quirky music]

Ooh.

[all murmuring]

Ahem, "hello, and welcome to the Krusty Krab Museum,

"the original home of the Krabby Patty,

"now available in the frozen food section

of your local supermarket."

[bang]

Oh, and don't forget to buy souvenirs at the gift shop.

Atta boy, embrace the future!

[clang]

[upbeat orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[jazzy music]

[humming]

Going up?

I'm going to a party-- a party to celebrate

my friend's upcoming 400th commercial.

- Uh-huh. - I brought ice cream.

Me and my best friend are gonna share the ice cream.

Who knows?

Maybe we'll even get a chance to share pants.

[laughs]

Again.

You should get out. Now.

[all murmuring]

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.

Uh, Patrick, did you order something through the mail?

'Cause a yellow box just arrived for you.

SpongeBob!

Hey, Patrick.

Oh, I'm sure glad you made it to my party.

Uh, excuse me, yellow box, are you feeling

a little overheated?

Because I do--I say, I do believe you are melting.

[laughs]

[laughter]

Oh, yeah, I guess I should get this in a freezer.

Patrick, where's the kitchen?

Oh, I don't know.

It's just past the solid gold gym.

- Take a right at the zoo. - I'll come with you, SpongeBob.

He can find the kitchen by himself.

The press needs some photos of you

with your new mascot friends.

- Aww. - Aww.

[yodeling]

[gloomy music]

[sighs]

- This way, Mr. Star! - Hey, Patrick, over here!

- Over here, right here! - Who are you wearing?

[sighs]

- Whoa, oof! - Ow.

Squidward? What are you doing here?

I thought you were off following your dreams.

I was.

They turned out to be nightmares.

Apparently, you need more than 17 years

behind a cash register to be qualified for dreams.

I never thought I would say this,

but I'm begging you, SpongeBob, let me come back

and work at the Krusty Krab Museum.

I guess you could help out the animatronic Squidward.

There's something about him that seems a little off.

[robotic voice] I love my job.

Thanks for coming!

Totally out of character.

[clang]

I hate everyone.

Huh, much better.

"Tastes so nice that they--"

They taste like lice!

Oh, now I gotta start over!

Ooh, someone fix that broken robot.

Huh? Ooh!

[buzzing]

What are you doing with this-- ow!

"Tastes so nice that they taste nice."

Hey, Patrick, rehearsing your big 400th commercial, huh?

Excuse me, yellow box, Mr. Star is not to be disturbed.

He's very, very busy right now.

Yeah, sure.

I get it.

But he's my friend.

You're a star.

You have no friends.

[sighs]

What am I doing again?

Stand over here and say your line.

And... action.

[light music]

Tastes so nice it...

uh... blah, blah, blah, blah, bli-blah.

[party favors buzzing]

And... cut.

All right, you guys can fix that in post.

Okay, that's a wrap. Let's pack it up.

Okay, and here. And here.

Okay, and then sign here. And again here.

Patrick, there's something weird

about these Frozen Krabby Patties.

[ominous music]

Looks like you've been hitting the patties pretty hard there.

Speak for yourself.

Oh, nothing's been the same

since those frozen patties came out.

I miss the old Krusty Krab.

I miss Patrick--oof!

Come on, Mr. Star.

You've got an 11:00 eyeball waxing.

[sighs]

See you later, SpongeBob.

Aww.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[panting]

Finally, now is my chance to strike.

Welcome to the original Krusty--

[robotic voice] Curses, foiled again.

Curses, foiled again.

Pff, never happened.

[grunts]

Now to make my escape.

[maniacal laughter]

Aren't you gonna try and stop me?

That'll be $1.99, please.

What do you mean, $1.99?

You're not gonna step on me?

I've got the secret formula, you know.

Anyone can have a secret formula.

We sell them in the gift shop.

See? They're all just fakes.

Everything here is a fake.

Eh, forget it.

What's the world coming to?

All right, just give me one Frozen Krabby Patty to go.

Ding.

[laughs]

Yes, you fools!

Shouldn't we chase after him?

He didn't pay.

Oh, what's the point?

These Frozen Krabby Patties have ruined my life, Squidward.

And it was all my idea.

Who am I to fight the future?

Blah!

[coughs]

Sand?

It tastes like sand.

Not good sand, either.

Of course it does.

What do you think Krabs uses as filler?

Krabby Patties aren't made with sand!

They're made with love.

Yah, fwa!

[clang]

[lively music]

♪ ♪

Mm!

I am going to show the world what a fresh, not frozen

Krabby Patty tastes like, and the first one

is for my best friend, Patrick.

[humming]

[all sniffing]

all: Mmm!

[bubbling]

- Over here. - Right here, Patrick.

- Right here, right here. - One, more, Patrick.

Patrick, baby, sweetheart,

have you thought about that feature film

I pitched youse?

[all chatting]

[camera shutter clicking]

That's it.

I can't take it anymore.

Everybody out!

[all grumbling]

[elevator bell dings]

I wish things could go back to the way they were.

Mm...

I just wanna be able to share one pair of pants

with my best friend without it being in the papers.

Freshly grilled Krabby Patty,

you and I are going to save the world.

And save a friendship.

Patrick!

SpongeBob!

Patrick, the frozen patties are made with sand!

SpongeBob, what?

[beeping]

Patrick, the Frozen Krabby Patties

are made with sand!

I thought they tasted familiar.

[both grunting]

SpongeBob?

[both grunting]

- Missed you. - I missed you too.

I got something for you, from one friend to another.

No, no, I don't wanna eat another one of those things!

[orchestral music]

Mm!

Now that's a real Krabby Patty.

Oh, as delicious as our real friendship.

Now that we've saved our friendship,

we have to save the reputation of the Krabby Patty.

But I have to speak at a shareholders meeting tonight.

How am I gonna say nice things about frozen patties

now that I know they're filled with sand?

Well, Patrick, you're just gonna have to

listen to your heart... and your stomach.

[bubbling]

Thank you, everyone, for coming to this gala event

celebrating the meteoric success of Frozen Krabby Patties.

In honor of this momentous occasion,

we are going to premiere our 400th commercial.

And here to say a few words is the face

of the Frozen Krabby Patty, our own Patrick Star.

Come on up, Patrick!

[cheers and applause]

I love this guy--I love him!

Good evening, ladies and... the other ones.

I know you're all excited to see the 400th commercial,

but before we see it I just want to say...

[suspenseful music]

That... that...

Frozen Krabby Patties are...

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Made with sand!

[all gasp]

Oh, no.

That was cute when you were rich.

I'm out of here.

[all retching]

And in shocking news today, it has been revealed

that Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand.

[retching]

[retching, coughing]

[coughing]

[retching]

Eee!

[retching]

[meows]

[retching]

[retching]

♪ ♪

Well, it's gone. [horn blows]

Everything I spent me life building is all gone.

I'm ruined.

[sobbing]

What?

[munching]

Now that's the taste I remember.

That's strange.

♪ ♪

Mr. Squidward, what is going on in here?

Uh, I am Animatronic Squidward.

I cannot answer questions.

Squidward!

It was SpongeBob's idea. Him and Patrick are behind this.

They forced me to help.

- ♪ La-la-la-la ♪ - [chuckles]

SpongeBob, did you do all this?

Absolutely!

Well, Patrick helped.

A friend always helps.

It's called frelping, and I was very frelpful.

But how did you get these customers

to eat Krabby Patties?

They know they're filled with sand.

The frozen ones are, but these are made fresh.

[gasps]

Fresh?

Go on, have a bite.

No, no I--

Mr. Krabs, just a nibble.

Mm.

Here! [munching]

Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, ooh, the flavor.

The sweet, greasy nectar of the gods.

How much are you charging for these patties, boy-o?

Nothing, we're not selling them.

Yeah, we just give them away.

Agh, SpongeBob, me boy,

you've done a good thing here, lad,

but you could use a little frelp, I think.

[grunts]

How about we partner up,

and I become your boss

and pay you minimum wage while I work you mercilessly?

What do you say?

Yeah! The Krusty Krab

is back in business.

Great, now get to work! [laughs]

[twangy guitar music]

♪ ♪