Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- ♪ OHH...

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪

[waves crashing]

[upbeat ukulele music]

♪

- BIKINI BOTTOM ACTION NEWS!

TONIGHT'S TOP STORY:

A WEALTHY ENTREPRENEUR WHO WISHES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS

IS SPONSORING THIS YEAR'S SLEIGH RACE.

FIRST PRIZE: $1 MILLION.

ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM HAS ENTERED,

BUT ONLY ONE HOPEFUL WILL WIN.

WE JOIN ROVING REPORTER PERCH PERKINS

LIVE AT THE SCENE.

- THE TENSION'S BUILDING UP AS THE CONTESTANTS LINE UP

TO WIN THE PRIZE.

- GARY AND I ARE GONNA TRY TO WIN THE PRIZE

SO MR. KRABS CAN FIX UP THE KRUSTY KRAB.

RIGHT, GARY?

- [meowing]

- I HEAR YA.

I HOPE I WIN SO I CAN BUY

ALL THE KRABBY PATTIES I WANT.

GOOD THING I BROUGHT OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY.

GOOEY WORMS.

- UH, PATRICK, THOSE DON'T MOVE.

- SURE THEY DO. GIDDY-UP!

YA!

SEE?

- [chuckles]

YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE, KRABS.

KAREN AND I--

I MEAN, MY WORM AND I ARE GONNA WHIP YOUR TAILFIN!

RIGHT, WORM?

- RUFF, RUFF.

- AND WITH THE PRIZE MONEY,

I'LL TOPPLE YOUR RESTAURANT EMPIRE ONCE AND FOR ALL!

- HA! WHERE FETCHIN' MONEY'S INVOLVED,

NOBODY TOPPLES ME.

- CONTESTANTS, READY YOUR SLEDS.

- EXCUSE ME, SIR.

HOW DO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO IN THE RACE?

- HELLO OUT THERE, BIKINI BOTTOM.

I'M GLAD I CAN FINALLY TALK

TO MY ADORING FANS ON TELEVISION.

- [snoring]

- BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.

OH, EXCUSE ME, MISS.

- ON YOUR MARK...

- SO LONG, SUCKERS.

- GET SET...

GO!

- COME ON, WORMIES! GIDDY-UP!

HMM.

- ALONE AT LAST!

NOW THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND THE SECRET FORMULA.

[laughs]

[cheering]

- COME ON, BOYS!

GET ME TO THE GREENBACKS!

- I THINK NOT, OLD MAN.

TURBO BOOST, KAREN.

[laughs]

- NO!

I CAN'T LET HIM WIN!

- DON'T WORRY. HE WON'T.

I WILL.

YEE-HAW!

- HI, SPONGEBOB.

- HI, PATRICK.

WHERE'S YOUR SLEIGH?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- HOP IN. WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT.

[brakes squealing]

- [growling]

- COME ON, GARY!

- [giggles]

LOCKED?

[grunts]

GOOD THING I BROUGHT THIS ALONG.

[blade whirring]

[screaming]

OW.

I'M GONNA NEED SOMETHING WITH MORE FIREPOWER.

- WHOO-WEE!

LOOKS LIKE I LOST 'EM.

[electricity crackles]

THE REMOTE SHORTED OUT.

THE ROBOTS ARE STUCK IN HIGH GEAR.

[screams]

- THOSE DIMWITS DON'T STAND A CHANCE

AGAINST MY IMPORTED WORM.

[brakes squeal]

- AHH.

- HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

- OH, I BEG YOUR PUDDING.

IT'S TEA TIME, ISN'T IT?

- I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

TEA TIME.

OF ALL THE RIDICULOUS CONCEPTS.

[screaming]

WHOA! WHOA!

AH!

both: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE ♪

♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW

- WOW! LOOK AT THAT!

- SQUIDWARD!

BUDDY!

HE DOESN'T LOOK SO HOT.

WE BETTER TAKE HIM WITH US.

- GOOD IDEA.

- [groans]

both: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE

♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW

♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE

♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW

♪ AND WE RA-- - [moans]

- PATRICK, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

- YEAH.

both: SANDY?

- [shivering] TH-TH-TH-TH-THANKS, GUYS.

- NO PROBLEM. RIGHT, GARE?

- [grumbling]

- SNIFF OUT THE MONEY, LITTLE GUYS.

COME ON. MUSH.

[stomachs rumbling]

[growling]

WAIT A MINUTE.

I WAS GONNA FEED YOU, HONEST.

[barking]

all: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE

♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW

- HELP! - HI, MR. KRABS.

- I'VE JUST BEEN TURNED INTO LUNCH MEAT

BY ME OWN WORMS.

[snarling]

- AH! HOP IN, SIR.

WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

- MUCH APPRECIATED, BOY.

- FASTER! - FASTER! FASTER!

- FASTER! FASTER! - FASTER! FASTER!

- [groans]

[barking]

- FASTER! FASTER! - FASTER! FASTER!

- [groans]

[barking]

all: FASTER!

[barking]

- [grunts]

[breathing heavily]

- THIS IS A DEAD END!

[barking]

[screaming]

- [deep roar]

[whimpering]

[meowing]

[cheering] - GOOD JOB, GARY!

WAY TO GO!

[deep rumbling]

- GREAT. NOW WE'RE TRAPPED.

GOOD THINKING, SQUIRREL.

THIS SHOULD KEEP US ALIVE FOR AT LEAST...

[gulps] A FEW HOURS.

OOH.

- [shivering]

IT'S S-S-S-SO C-C-COLD.

- [teeth chattering]

- [purrs]

- [shivering]

[muttering]

- HEY! HOW ABOUT A CAMPFIRE SONG?

- [growling] NO SINGING!

all: SQUIDWARD!

- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

SOMEBODY GET ME A BLANKET.

[teeth chattering]

- HEY, SQUIDWARD.

WHAT'S WITH THE EXTRA FOOT, BUDDY?

- HUH?

THIS ISN'T MINE.

WHOA!

- [roaring]

[screaming]

[roaring]

- NOT YOU AGAIN.

- HA! SLIMY SNOW VERMIN!

YOU MISSED!

- THAT WEREN'T THE ATTACK.

- HUH?

- HIT THE DECK!

- [spitting]

- [screams]

- [meowing] - GARY!

- [spitting]

- [screams]

OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.

- SHE'S RELOADING.

NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO SCRAM.

- WHAT IS THAT FORMIDABLE CREATURE?

- THAT, ME BOY, IS NONE OTHER

THAN THE ABOMINABLE SNOW MOLLUSK.

- I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A MYTH.

- OH, I ASSURE YOU SHE'S NO MYTH.

SHE'S AS REAL AS SANTY CLAUS.

'TWAS BACK WHEN I WAS A YOUNG SEA CAPTAIN

SAILING THE ARCTIC SEAS

WHEN THE BEHEMOTH AND I FIRST TANGLED.

- [roaring]

- [gasps]

- DON'T TELL ME, MR. KRABS.

YOU PEELED BACK THOSE TENTACLES

WITH YOUR BARE CLAWS.

YOU SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED YOUR VESSEL

FROM CERTAIN DOOM.

- NO, THAT DIDN'T WORK.

SHE GULPED ME AND ME CREW DOWN

IN ONE SWIFT SWALLOW.

- OH, MY.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU BRAVELY ESCAPED

TO TELL THE TALE.

- WEREN'T BRAVERY THAT GOT US OUT.

LET'S JUST SAY WE HAD TO WAIT

FOR NATURE TO TAKE ITS COURSE.

- HMM? OH!

EWW.

- I HATE TO BREAK UP STORY TIME,

BUT I'D LIKE TO NOT GET EATEN TODAY.

- [roaring]

- GARY, STEP ON IT!

WHOA, YEAH, GARY!

YOU ARE REALLY MOTORING NOW.

RIGHT, GUYS?

WE FORGOT SQUIDWARD!

LEFT, GARY! LEFT!

- [roaring]

THERE HE IS!

PATRICK, I NEED A GOOEY WORM.

- OH, BE GENTLE. IT'S MY LAST ONE.

- HOLD TIGHT, BUDDY.

- [meowing]

- [growling]

[roaring]

- SPONGEBOB, COME ON!

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

- [roaring]

MMM. NUM-NUM.

- OOH-WEE!

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE, WASN'T IT, MR. KRABS?

HUH?

OF ALL THE HORNSWAGGLES!

THE BANDIT'S TRYING TO WEIGH US DOWN

WHILE HE MAKES OFF WITH THE PRIZE HISSELF!

- [laughs]

I'D SOONER SWALLOW A JELLYFISH

THAN SHARE ME WINNINGS WITH THAT--

OH!

[electricity crackles] [muffled scream]

- WE CAN'T LET THAT DOUBLE-CROSSER BEAT US

TO THE LOOT.

FULL STEAM AHEAD AND DON'T STOP FOR NOTHING, GARY!

- HEY!

[brakes squealing]

- WHAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY, PATRICK?

- I SAW SOMETHING SHINY.

- OH, WELL, LET'S JUST DROP EVERYTHING THEN.

- WELL, WAIT, SANDY, I SEE IT TOO.

IT LOOKS LIKE KAREN.

- KAREN?

- I'D SAY SHE'S IN SWIFT NEED OF A REBOOT.

HEE-YA!

- YOU CAN'T STAND A CHANCE, KRABS.

- HUH?

PLANKTON?

- DON'T TAIL KRABS.

- POOR GUY.

THE ICE IS REALLY GETTIN' TO HIM.

- THEN WE GOT TO BUST HIM OUT QUICK!

I'M GONNA SIT ON HIM.

- PATRICK, NO! HE'S VERY...

[crash] FRAGILE.

- KRABS...STAND.

- A SIMULACRA!

- SANDY, PLEASE! LANGUAGE.

- NAW, SILLY.

I'M SAYING PLANKTON SENT A ROBOTIC DUMMY IN HIS STEAD.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

MY SELFISH HUSBAND REMAINS

IN WARM, SUNNY BIKINI BOTTOM

WHILE I FREEZE MY SOLDER OFF IN THIS BITTER TUNDRA.

IN FACT, THIS WHOLE RACE WAS A PLOT DEVISED BY PLANKTON.

WITH THE ENTIRE TOWN DISTRACTED,

HE'S FREE TO PURSUE THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA UNDETECTED.

- PURSUE? FORMULA?

WE GOT TO FIND MR. KRABS RIGHT NOW.

- AND EXACTLY HOW DO YOU PROPOSE WE FIND HIM?

- I SAW MR. KRABS PASS BY JUST BEFORE MY SYSTEM FAILED,

HEADING SOUTHWEST.

- WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

YOU HEARD THE LADY, GARY.

SOUTHWEST!

MUSH! MUSH!

- [laughs]

OUCH!

SO THIS SAFE IS IMPERVIOUS TO FLAME, EH?

IT SEEMS AS THOUGH I'LL HAVE TO GET

A LITTLE MORE DESTRUCTIVE!

[toy squeaks]

AHEM.

I MEANT DESTRUCTIVE!

- [groans]

- THAT-A-BOY, GARY.

- [screeches]

[screaming]

- [sighs] - [sighs]

- CLIFF!

[screaming]

HOLD ON, SPONGEBOB!

- [gags]

WE MADE IT. HOORAY.

RIGHT, SQUIDWARD?

- [gasps] OH, MY GOSH!

PATRICK, LEAN TO THE OTHER SIDE.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

- WHAT?

- GOTCHA.

- HEY, SANDY, HAVE YOU GIVEN

ANY THOUGHT TO HOW WE'RE GONNA--

OW!

LAND?

- [roaring]

- FIRE IN THE HOLE!

[explosion]

RATS.

[all shivering]

- ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, I KNOW IT'S COLD,

BUT LET'S JUST PUSH FORWARD AND KEEP A LOOKOUT

FOR FROZEN CRAB.

- I CAN'T FEEL MY LOOKING HOLES!

- THE ONLY THING I CAN FEEL IS MY EMPTY STOMACH.

[stomach growls]

- YOU SAID IT, SPONGEBOB.

I ALREADY GNAWED THROUGH ALL MY PROVISIONS.

I'M GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I COULD EAT

JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.

MMM.

SPONGE-KEBAB.

OOH!

HEY, PATRICK, YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THEM GOOEY WORMS ON YOU?

- I WISH I DID.

I LOST MY LAST ONE TO THAT MONSTER

AND NOW I'M SO HUNGRY.

WELL, AT LEAST I STILL HAVE THESE JELLYBEANS

TO HOLD ME OVER.

HEY!

IS THIS TAXI EVEN MOVING?

- [shivering]

- COME ON, GARY!

- [gasps] GARY!

OH, YOU POOR FELLA.

WE PUSHED YOU TOO HARD, DIDN'T WE?

SORRY, BUDDY.

I WON'T MAKE YOU TOW ANOTHER INCH.

- GREAT. NOW WE'RE STUCK.

- NO, WE'RE NOT.

AH--

HELLO. WHAT'S THIS?

[gasps]

LOOK!

ONE OF MR. KRABS' SAILOR TATTOOS.

IT MUST HAVE FROZEN OFF OF HIS BRITTLE BODY.

- WE MUST BE HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

- [laughs]

[electronic beeping]

SECRET FORMULA, YOU ARE MINE!

PERHAPS I MISJUDGED THE SCALE ON THAT ONE.

OH!

THAT DOES IT!

LISTEN UP, SAFE.

I WILL SPILL YOUR CONTENTS

EVEN IF I HAVE TO TEAR YOU APART...

[grunts] BIT BY BIT!

EH!

MOLECULE BY MOLECULE!

ATOM BY ATOM!

UH-OH.

[grunts]

OH, CERTAINLY THE SAFE COULDN'T SURVIVE

NUCLEAR DETONATION.

COME TO PAPA!

[laughs]

- [grunting]

- [snoring]

OH! HEY!

I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.

- MR. KRABS!

- HE AIN'T LOOKING SO GOOD.

WE BETTER GET HIM IN THE SLEIGH, SPONGEBOB.

SPONGEBOB!

HE DONE FROZE UP TOO.

[gasps]

- AH! WHAT?

YOU'RE BURNING THE SLEIGH?

ARE YOU AWARE THAT THAT WAS OUR ONLY MODE OF TRANSPORTATION?

- AND ARE YOU AWARE THAT I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE?

- [groans]

THE RACE! THE MILLION CLAMS!

[gasps] I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN ICE.

MUTINOUS THIEVES TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF ME WINNINGS.

- OH, COOL DOWN.

THERE ARE NO WINNINGS.

YOU'VE BEEN DUPED. - DUPED?

YOU DON'T MEAN BY--

- NOW YOU'RE PUTTING IT TOGETHER.

- [gasps] ME FORMULA!

WE GOT TO GET BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM!

- WE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING BACK

IF WE HAD A SLEIGH.

- WE'RE DOOMED. [sobbing]

- NO, WE'RE NOT, MR. KRABS.

YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS.

- NO OFFENSE, BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA CATCH PLANKTON

MOVING AT A SNAIL'S PACE.

- JUST LEAVE THAT TO THE SCIENTIST OF THE GROUP.

- OH, GEEZ!

WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?

[laughs]

- SHE'S ALL FIRED UP.

- GARY, MR. KRABS, ANY HAZARDS ON THE HORIZON?

- LOOKING CLEAR SO FAR!

- SQUIDWARD, KEEP THOSE CIRCUITS WARM.

PATRICK, HANG ON!

HOORAY! WE MADE IT!

- OKAY.

THEN WHERE'S ME RESTAURANT?

- PERHAPS OVER THERE.

- [gasps]

AND WHERE'S ME FORMULA?

- PERHAPS OVER THERE.

- THE CHUM BUCKET...

"NOW SERVING KRABBY PATTIES"?

- WE'RE TOO LATE!

- WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, BOY-O.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

YOU CAN'T CUT IN LINE!

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A KRABBY PATTY

FOR THREE STINKIN' DAYS!

- THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.

- KEEP YOUR PANTS ON OUT THERE!

I'LL GET YOUR KRABBY PATTIES JUST AS SOON

AS I GET THIS BOTTLE OPEN!

- NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AND/OR DO ABOUT IT.

- KRABS!

WHY AREN'T YOU FROZEN UNDER THE BARREN TUNDRA?

- I GUESS I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS

THE BIG UNVEILING OF MY SANDWICH!

- WELL, IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED

IF I COULD HAVE DISLODGED THIS STUPID CORK.

- OH, THAT'S EASY.

all: PATRICK!

- [chuckles] I GOT IT NOW, KRABSY!

- THAT MAY BE TRUE, PLANKTON,

BUT YOU GOT SEVEN ANGRY CUSTOMERS

FLANKING YOU ON ALL SIDES.

- UH, WELL, I'M SURE MY LOVING WIFE

IS NOT A PARTY TO THIS ANGRY MOB.

YOU GOT TO HELP ME HERE, KAREN.

- "YOU GOT TO HELP ME."

MY MONITOR NEARLY FROZE UP FOR GOOD

ON YOUR LITTLE RACE TO OBLIVION.

- BABES, DON'T BLOW AN OP AMP OVER THIS.

COME ON.

YOWZAH!

OW, THAT HURT ON SO MANY LEVELS.

OKAY, I GIVE UP.

YOU WIN AGAIN, KRABS.

- AND HAND OVER ME FORMULA.

- OKAY, EUGENE.

I'LL JUST SIGN THE SURRENDER TREATY FIRST.

OOH, HERE I GO.

[laughs]

OUTSMARTED YOU AGAIN, EH, FOOLS?

[laughs]

- YOU GET BACK HERE, PLANKTON!

- HERE WE GO AGAIN.

GIVE UP NOW AND I'LL LET YOU KEEP

ONE OF YOUR ANTENNAE!

- I'D BE DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU TRY!

OOH! YOU'RE SO CLOSE.

SO LONG, SUCKERS!

- HUH? [all gasp]

- [laughs]

- WE'RE TRAPPED.

- THAT'S RIGHT, KRABS.

AND IF YOU'RE THINKING OF BUSTING OUT,

MIND THE GIANT VAT OF FRY GREASE BENEATH YOU.

- HE'S GONNA TURN US INTO FRIED SNACKS.

- GOT ANY DIPPING SAUCE?

- A LITTLE TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE,

EH, KRABCAKES?

- [roaring]

NUM-NUM!

- NUM-NUM?

- NUM-NUM!

[screaming]

NUM-NUM!

- NO, WAIT, BIG SCARY MONSTER!

DON'T EAT PATRICK. EAT ME.

I'M PACKED WITH NUTRIENTS.

- NO! EAT ME!

- DON'T EAT ME!

EAT SQUIDWARD!

- WAIT. WHAT?

- [shudders]

- NUM-NUM!

MMM.

- SHE LOVES YOUR JELLYBEANS, PATRICK.

- I'D BETTER GO WHILE THE GOING'S GOOD.

- JELLYBEAN!

- I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THOSE KRABBY PATTIES NOW.

[grunts]

[screams]

- HEY, MR. KRABS, WHAT HAPPENS TO PLANKTON?

- HE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR NATURE

TO TAKE ITS COURSE.

[laughs]

- [belches]

- WELL, I SUPPOSE DEAR OLD DAD WAS RIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE MINORED IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION.

[toilet flushing]

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