Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

♪ OHH... ♪

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

- all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[lilting ukulele music]

♪ ♪

ANOTHER ORDER? OKAY.

GET READY, SPATCHY.

TIME TO GRILL UP ONE MORE

GOLDEN, PIPING HOT KRABBY-- HUH?

"DOUBLE DIP MILKSHAKE."

GEE, I HAVEN'T MADE ONE OF THOSE IN A WHILE.

[accordion music]

♪ ♪

ORDER UP!

ONE DOUBLE DIP MILKSHAKE.

WAIT!

I ALMOST FORGOT--

THE CHERRY ON TOP.

THERE YOU ARE, SIR, A PERFECT DOUBLE DIP MILKSHAKE.

ENJOY.

WELL, IT LOOKS DELIGHTFUL.

[slurping]

THIS THING'S FROZEN.

BARNACLES!

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRINK THIS?

YUCK.

THIS SHAKE IS DISGUSTING.

WHY, YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE TO MILKSHAKE.

A LICENSE TO MILKSHAKE?

WELL, OF COURSE I DO, SILLY.

AND IT DOESN'T EXPIRE UNTIL-- [gasps]

SEVEN YEARS AGO?

YOUR MILKSHAKE LICENSE EXPIRED SEVEN YEARS AGO?

OUTRAGEOUS!

I DEMAND A REFUND.

[chuckles] HEY, NOW.

LET'S NOT SAY THINGS WE MIGHT REGRET LATER.

TELL YOU WHAT, YOU COME BACK TOMORROW,

AND SPONGEBOB WILL MAKE YOU A PROPER MILKSHAKE.

[giggles] ALL RIGHT, SEE YA TOMORROW.

WHERE ARE WE GOING, MR. KRABS?

I'M TAKING YOU BACK TO SCHOOL.

all: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

[tires screeching]

THERE YA ARE, BOY, THE MILKSHAKE ACADEMY.

YOU KNOW, BOY, MILKSHAKIN' TECHNOLOGY

AND KNOW-HOW HAS ADVANCED SINCE YOU WERE LAST A CADET.

I SHALL DO MY BEST, SIR.

HEY, LOOK, UP IN THE SEA.

[playing trumpet]

I DON'T THINK HE'S WEARING A PARACHUTE.

AT EASE, CADETS.

MMM.

WELCOME TO THE MILKSHAKE ACADEMY.

I'M YOUR INSTRUCTOR CAPTAIN FROSTYMUG.

LET'S NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HERE, BOYS.

YOUR MAMA'S NOT HERE TO WIPE THE WHIPPED CREAM

FROM YOUR CHINNY-CHIN-CHINS,

AND I'M NOT HERE TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR BENDY STRAWS.

MY SOLE PURPOSE IS TO TRANSFORM YOU

FROM MERE GUPPIES INTO COOL, COLD-DRAFTED,

CHILLED TO THE BONE, ICE CREAM-BLOODED,

LICENSED, MILKSHAKE-MAKIN' GUPPIES.

BUT YOU MUST PROVE YOURSELVES WORTHY OF THIS DISTINCTION.

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF WORTHY, CADET SQUAREPANTS?

YES, SIR, WORTHY AND READY.

I SEE.

THEN THIS FIRST TEST WILL BE A BREEZE.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?

OH, THAT'S EASY.

IT'S AN ICE CREAM SPATULA.

[laughter]

THAT'S ENOUGH.

THIS, CADET SQUAREPANTS, IS YOUR SCOOPER,

THE MOST VITAL WEAPON IN THE MILKSHAKER'S ARSENAL.

IT'S CLEAR THAT MOST OF YOU UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTALS.

NOW IT'S TIME TO SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.

CADETS, MAN YOUR MILKY, MILKY STATIONS.

A FEW MORE BELLS AND WHISTLES THAN I'M USED TO,

BUT I THINK I CAN WORK WITH THIS.

[rapid beeping]

OH, DEAR.

[machine whirring]

[slurping]

FANTASTIC.

NICE AND CREAMY MOUTH FEEL.

[beeping rapidly]

SQUAREPANTS APPEARS TO BE HAVING PROBLEMS AGAIN.

SCOOP, PLEASE EXPLAIN WHERE HE HAS GONE WRONG.

SIR, YES, SIR.

SIR, HE IS ATTEMPTING TO USE

THE UPPER CONTROL PANEL TO MIX, SIR.

EVERY CADET KNOWS THAT THESE ARE TELEMETRIC FUNCTIONS,

AND ALL BLENDING CONTROLS ARE ON THE LOWER PANEL, SIR.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

[chuckles] HOW SILLY OF ME.

MR. KRABS IS RIGHT.

MILKSHAKIN' SURE HAS CHANGED OVER THE YEARS.

[machine beeping and whirring]

VERY GOOD.

BUT HOW DOES IT TASTE?

MAYBE WE NEED TO GET BACK TO BASICS.

LISTEN UP, CADET SQUAREPANTS.

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A SHAKE,

YOU GOTTA KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE A SHAKE.

BEHOLD THE SHAKE SIMULATOR.

IN YOU GO, NOW! MARCH!

HUT, TWO, THREE, FOUR, HUT, TWO, THREE, FOUR, HUT.

TO TEACH THIS UPSTART A LESSON,

I'M SETTING IT TO OBLITERATE.

[all gasp]

BUT, SIR, NO ONE'S EVER SURVIVED OBLITERATE.

SILENCE! HE NEEDS TO LEARN, CADET.

[yelling]

NOW, LET'S SEE HOW THE BOY TURNED OUT.

THAT WAS FUN. CAN I GO AGAIN?

[growling]

NEVER IN MY 30 YEARS OF MILKSHAKE CONSTRUCTION

HAVE I HAD SUCH AN UNTEACHABLE MORON.

CADETS, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS

ON HOW TO TEACH CADET SPONGEBOB?

YOU'D BE BETTER OFF TEACHING A HUNK OF CORAL, SIR.

[laughter]

I'LL SHOW YOU.

I'LL SHOW YOU ALL THAT I CAN MAKE A MILKSHAKE.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

WHEN YOU FIRST CAME TO ME,

JUST FOUR SHORT HOURS AGO,

YOU WERE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF SODA JERKS.

BUT NOW, YOU STAND BEFORE ME PROUD, MIGHTY,

MILKSHAKE MAKIN' MACHINES.

IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE I BESTOW UPON YOU

YOUR MILKSHAKE OPERATOR LICENSE.

NOW COME UP HERE AND GET 'EM.

WELL, I'M AFRAID THERE ARE NO MORE MILKSHAKE LICENSES.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?

UM, THE PRINTER RAN OUT OF INK?

NO, YOU SIMPLETON.

THERE AREN'T ANY MORE MILKSHAKE LICENSES

BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET ONE.

WHY NOT?

HMM, LET'S SEE.

MAYBE IT'S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT

THAT YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET PAST STEP NUMBER ONE

OF MAKING A MILKSHAKE,

FILLING THE GLASS WITH ICE CREAM.

NO, CAPTAIN FROSTYMUG, I CAN DO IT.

LET ME SHOW YOU. I JUST KNOW I CAN.

NO.

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RAISE THE CUP UP TO THE SPINNY THING.

UGH. THE-- THE SPINNY THING.

[techno music]

♪ ♪

BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE ONE OF YOUR RENOWNED SHAKES,

- SIR FROSTYMUG. - COULD YOU MAKE ONE?

YOU'VE TRIED THE REST, NOW PREPARE FOR THE BEST.

- [all screaming] - IT'S FREEZING!

NO!

WHAT'S WRONG, CAPTAIN FROSTYMUG?

I HAVEN'T TOUCHED A MILKSHAKE MACHINE IN 20 YEARS.

DEAR NEPTUNE'S THUNDERCLAP!

I'M STUCK IN THE BLENDER!

HELP!

CAPTAIN FROSTYMUG!

OH! MY ARM! AAH!

DON'T WORRY, SIR, I'M COMING.

I GOT YA, CAPTAIN. [grunts]

SAVE YOURSELF, BOY.

- I'M A GONER. - NO!

I'M NOT LEAVING YOU BEHIND.

[metal clanking]

[grunting]

THANKS, SPONGEBOB. [coughs]

YOU KNOW, NO ONE'S EVER TREATED THIS OLD CAPTAIN

WITH MUCH KINDNESS.

AND IN RETURN, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU A LITTLE SECRET.

ALL THESE YEARS, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE MILKSHAKES

WITHOUT A MACHINE BECAUSE MAKING MILKSHAKES

REALLY COMES FROM WITHIN.

DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

NOT AT ALL.

ONE MILKSHAKE, COMING RIGHT UP.

YOU'VE REDEEMED YOURSELF, SPONGEBOB.

THIS IS THE BEST MILKSHAKE I'VE EVER HAD.

YO, I WANT ONE TOO!

WHERE'D YOU LEARN THOSE MOVES, SPONGEBOB?

THAT WOULD BE FROM ME.

AND IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS, SPONGEBOB,

I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU THIS.

[gasps] MY MILKSHAKE LICENSE!

[sniffling] IF ONLY IT WERE THIS EASY

TO GET A VOTING LICENSE. [laughs]

[lilting ukelele music]

♪ ♪

[relaxing music]

FEEL THE DROPLETS GENTLY CASCADE OVER YOUR BODY.

OH, YEAH.

VISUALIZE YOURSELF IN A PRIVATE GROTTO.

FOCUS YOUR PERCEPTIONS ON THE NATIVE FAUNA

AND THE SOOTHING NATURE OF THEIR RUSTIC CALLS.

[grunts]

YOU ARE ONE WITH NATURE.

AHH.

[laughter]

WHAT THE-- [laughter]

BARNACLES!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BABY?

[laughs] OH, YEAH?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS, BABY?

[laughter]

QUESTION, ARE YOU TWO ACTING

EVEN MORE INFANTILE THAN USUAL THIS MORNING?

UH-HUH. 'CAUSE I FOUND A BOX

OF MY OLD BABY TOYS IN THE ATTIC,

AND WE'RE PLAYING WITH THEM.

HEY, MY OLD TEDDY WALRUS. [squeaking]

THIS STUFF REALLY TAKES ME BACK.

YEAH, IT MAKES ME FEEL BABYISH.

OH! LOOK AT ME, I'M A BABY.

NO, BABIES DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, PATRICK.

THEY TALK LIKE-- GOO-GOO, GA-GA.

both: [baby gibberish]

[baby gibberish]

[baby gibberish]

[baby gibberish and whistling]

both: [baby gibberish]

[growls]

JUST AS THE ESSENTIAL OILS WERE KICKING IN.

HEY! I'D APPRECIATE SOME QUIET.

both: [gibberish]

HOW DARE YOU SCOOT AWAY FROM ME?

I'M SCOLDING HERE!

WOULD YOU TWO FOR ONCE ACT YOUR AGE?

[squeaking]

both: [crying]

FINE, ACT LIKE INFANTS YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

SEE IF I CARE.

I'LL BE RETURNING TO MY GROWN-UP LIFESTYLE,

SO KEEP IT DOWN!

AAH!

[grunts]

both: SQUIDWARD!

[groaning]

[gibberish]

HEY, HE'S MUMBLING AND DROOLING LIKE A LITTLE BABY.

OOH, I DON'T KNOW, PATRICK.

HE ISN'T LOOKING SO GOOD.

HE SHOULD PROBABLY SEE A DOCTOR.

COME ON, LET'S TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.

HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.

WE'LL HAVE YOU FIXED UP IN NO TIME.

[grunting]

HMM.

[gibberish]

SO WHAT'S THE PROGNOSIS, DOCTOR?

YOUR FRIEND HAS A CONDITION KNOWN BY THE MEDICAL TERM

OF "HEAD-GO-BOOM-BOOM-ITIS."

NOT TO WORRY THOUGH,

HE SHOULD RECOVER NORMALLY OVER TIME.

BUT HE MUSTN'T RECEIVE ANY MORE BLOWS TO THE HEAD,

OR HE MAY REMAIN THIS WAY PERMANENTLY.

JUST CARE FOR HIM AS IF HE WERE

YOUR VERY OWN BOUNCING BABY BOY, AND HE'LL BE FINE.

HEY, LITTLE SQUIDWARD.

YOU READY FOR SOME FUN?

WHOOPY-DOO!

OKAY, SQUIDDY, DIN-DIN IS READY.

WHERE IS OUR LITTLE MIRACLE?

[gasps] PATRICK, HOW COULD YOU?

THERE, THERE, MY LITTLE DARLING.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIS HEAD, REMEMBER?

OKAY, SQUIDDY, I MADE YOUR FAVORITE,

KRILL TARTARE WITH AN ALGAE VINAIGRETTE.

HERE IT COMES, OPEN WIDE.

MM.

AW, COME ON, LITTLE BUDDY.

YOU GOTTA EAT HEALTHY, SO YOU CAN

GROW UP BIG AND CRANKY.

JUST WATCH THE AIRPLANE LAND IN THE HANGAR.

[imitates airplane]

SEE, PATRICK, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA OUTTHINK THE BABY.

[grunts]

YOU KNOW WHAT, PATRICK? MAYBE WE--

AHH, THANKS FOR SHARING, BABY.

OKAY, TIME TO LIVEN THINGS UP.

DO YOU LIKE GAMES, SQUIDDY?

GAMES IS OUR MIDDLE NAME.

[gibberish]

both: KELPY CAKE, KELPY CAKE, KELPY MAN,

BAKE US A CAKE AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

[laughs]

- [gibberish] - YOU LIKE THAT, SQUIDDY?

[gibberish]

HE DOES!

NOW YOU TRY.

both: KELPY CAKE--

[laughs]

[both groaning]

THIS GAME'S KINDA DANGEROUS.

[gibberish]

both: SQUIDDY!

[snoring]

both: SQUIDDY, NO!

DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT THIS.

[grunts]

HOORAY!

[gasps] SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDDY, ARE YOU OKAY?

WE NEED TO DO A BETTER JOB OF PROTECTING HIM.

[crying]

THERE, THERE, NOW.

NO NEED TO CRY.

[shushing]

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

[crying]

EH, DON'T WORRY, HE'LL--

HE'LL BE SETTLED DOWN IN A COUPLE MINUTES.

[crying] [cheerful music on TV]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

IT'S ONE MINUTE TILL OPENING.

WHERE THE BARNACLES ARE ME EMPLOYEREES?

I DON'T PAY 'EM TO BE LATE.

[thunder booming]

TAKING CARE OF A BABY SURE IS HARD.

YOU SAID IT. I'M EXHAUSTED.

HEY, PATRICK, I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING SQUIDW--

[snoring]

[sighs]

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE ON OUR OWN, LITTLE FELLA.

SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, ENOUGH DUFF-DRAGGIN'.

GET TO YOUR STATIONS, PRONTO.

MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD IS IN NO CONDITION

TO PERFORM HIS KRUSTY DUTIES.

[gibberish]

THE POOR GUY HAS THE MIND OF AN INFANT.

I DON'T CARE IF HE HAS SEAWEED FOR BRAINS.

HE NEEDS TO BE BEHIND THAT REGISTER.

WE GOT CUSTOMERS OUT THERE JUST BEGGING

TO HAND ME THEIR MONEY.

- OH, PLEASE! - PLEASE!

- TAKE OUR MONEY! - PLEASE, MR. KRABS.

- BUT-- - NO BUTS!

GET TO WORK, YOU TWO.

ALL SETTLED INTO YOUR WORKSTATION, I SEE.

MAYBE YOU'RE READY FOR YOUR KRUSTY DUTIES AFTER ALL.

NOW LET'S MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

[mumbles]

[chuckles] HOW SILLY OF ME.

SQUIDDY NEEDS A HIGH CHAIR.

[register dings] AND DUCT TAPE!

OH, SQUIDDY, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

JUST YESTERDAY YOU WERE DROOLING ALL OVER ME.

AND LOOK AT YOU NOW, WORKING

AND SITTING IN A BIG BOY SEAT.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU TWO.

TIME TO SERVE SOME CUSTOMERS.

- [indistinct chatter] - ALL RIGHT!

REMEMBER, BUDDY, I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YA.

CAN I GET A KRABBY PATTY AND A LARGE KELP SHAKE, PLEASE?

[gibberish]

OKAY, HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?

[laughs]

SQUIDWARD!

THAT'S NOT FOR EATING.

THERE WE ARE, GOOD AS NEW--

THAT'S NOT FOR EATING EITHER.

- SORRY, SIR. - HOP TO IT, BOYS.

WE HAVEN'T EVEN TAKEN OUR FIRST ORDER.

YES, MR. KRABS.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

[laughs]

THANKS, SQUIDDY, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON--HUH?

WILL THIS BE FOR HERE OR TO GO?

[laughs]

YOU HAVE TO WORK ON YOUR PENMANSHIP, SQUIDDY.

[gibberish]

MY FACE! MY FACE!

ALSO MY LEG, BUT MOSTLY MY FACE!

HEY, YOU GONNA TAKE AN ORDER, OR WHAT?

[gibberish]

[register dings]

[crying]

SQUIDWARD.

YELLING AT A POOR, DEFENSELESS BABY--

YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED.

LISTEN, MAN, I'M DONE PLAYING THESE BABY GAMES.

[sniffing]

OH, MY NEPTUNE.

[crying]

OH, WHAT IS THAT?

HEY, HONEY, DID YOU, UH--

WHAT IN BLAZES IS GOING ON AROUND--

WHOA!

MR. SQUIDWARD, WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?

MR. KRABS, WATCH HIS HEAD!

WATCH HIS HEAD?

WHY DON'T YOU WATCH HIS DIAPER?

AND GET IT CHANGED!

SIR, YES, SIR.

- OH. - WE'RE EATING HERE.

SORRY.

HEY, I'M TRYING TO WALK HERE.

SORRY.

HEY, I WAS GONNA GET KETCHUP THERE!

SORRY.

OKAY, SQUIDDY, HOLD STILL.

OH, BOY.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER-LOVIN' MIND?

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT BABY OUT HERE

IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMERS.

TAKE HIM IN BACK WHERE THE FOOD IS PREPARED.

[all groaning]

OH, THAT'S IT.

GET THAT POOPY BABY OUT OF ME RESTAURANT.

[sniffs] MR. KRABS, IF MY POOPY BABY

ISN'T WELCOME HERE, THEN I'M NOT STAYING EITHER.

WHOA!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

[yelling]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[gasps] SQUIDWARD.

[groans]

WHAT THE--

WHERE AM I?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

AH, SQUIDWARD, YOU'RE BACK TO YOUR GROWN-UP SELF.

OF COURSE I'M GROWN-UP.

WHY WOULDN'T I BE?

UM, I'M WEARING A DIAPER.

- YES. - IS IT FULL?

AAH!

SORRY, SQUIDWARD, I WAS GONNA CHANGE IT, BUT I--

STOP.

NOT ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS, EVER.

KIDS--THEY GROW UP SO FAST.