Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- ♪ OHH

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

Kids: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

kids: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

kids: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

kids: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪

[waves crash]

[accordion music]

♪

- [grumbles]

[camera shutter snaps]

HEY.

I GOT YA.

WHOA! YOU'RE A BIG ONE.

CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN THE KRUSTY KRAB BEFORE.

[camera shutter snaps]

- HEY, SQUIDWARD? HEY, SQUIDWARD? HEY, SQUIDWARD?

- WHAT? - I HAVEN'T SEEN MR. KRABS

ALL MORNING. DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?

- DON'T KNOW. DON'T CARE.

OW.

- OH, THERE YOU ARE, MR. KRABS. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

- I'VE BEEN CONDUCTING A LITTLE MARKET RESEARCH.

WHERE'S SQUIDWARD? - PRESENT.

- YOU TWO, FOLLOW ME.

- OH, WOW.

YOU'VE BEEN BUSY, MR. KRABS.

- I WANT YOU TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE FOLKS RIGHT HERE.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANY OF 'EM IN THE KRUSTY KRAB?

THINK HARD.

- UM... HMM...

UH, NO, NO, NO, NO,

POSSIBLY, NO,

MAYBE, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, AND NO.

NO, SIR, I DO NOT RECOGNIZE ANY OF THEM, SIR.

- HOW 'BOUT YOU, MR. SQUIDWARD?

- I TRY NOT TO LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE CUSTOMERS.

- [grumbles]

WELL, ACCORDING TO MY RESEARCH,

A FULL 2% OF THE POPULATION OF BIKINI BOTTOM

HAS NEVER SET FOOT IN THE KRUSTY KRAB.

THAT'S 2% OF MONEY THAT'S NOT IN ME POCKET!

AND WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT 2%,

I GET SO MAD!

- WHEN I SEE THAT 2%, I THINK OF PIE.

- I'M NOT TALKIN' ABOUT PIE!

THESE HOLDOUTS ARE PROBABLY SPENDING THEIR MONEY

IN SOME OTHER RESTAURANT.

WE NEED TO FIND THAT 2%, THEN REEL 'EM IN.

I NEED YOU TWO BOYS TO GET OUT THERE

AND PROMOTE THE KRUSTY KRAB.

- WILL WE GET OVERTIME PAY?

- OVER... WHAT? WHO? - OH, SURE THING, MR. KRABS.

I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.

NEVER.

- DON'T WORRY, MR. KRABS.

I THINK I KNOW JUST WHERE TO START.

HELLO, BOTTOMITES!

- [screams] - HELLO, SIR.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE MOST WONDERFUL RESTAURANT

IN ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM, THE KRUSTY KRAB?

- OF COURSE I HAVE. THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING,

IF YOU'LL GET OUT OF MY WAY.

- PLEASE ACCEPT ONE OF OUR FLIERS...

AND CONSIDER DINING... - [grumbles]

- AT OUR FINE-DINING ESTABLISHMENT

THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE FEELING HUNGRY.

- BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW.

HUP. [laughs]

OKAY, ALREADY!

[strains]

[grunts]

- OH, THANK YOU, SIR. TELL ALL YOUR...

FRIENDS.

KRUSTY KRAB!

EAT AT THE KRUSTY KRAB!

- OH, NO.

I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

INVASION OF THE GIANT PATTIES.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO,

IT'S EAT OR BE EATEN!

[growls]

[growling] AH!

[chomps]

- [screaming] OW!

DON'T, PATRICK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- [growling] - IT'S ME, SPONGEBOB.

- [snarling]

OH, NO!

THE GIANT PATTY HAS EATEN MY BUDDY!

- UM, RELAX, PATRICK, IT'S ME.

THIS IS JUST A COST...

- [grunts] - UME!

- COUGH HIM UP, YOU MONSTER!

COME HERE, YOU!

- [screams, groans]

[screams] OH! [grunts]

- DIE, GIANT PATTY! DIE!

[grunts] [growling]

OH!

PATTIES SHOULD NOT EAT MY BUDDY!

[grunting]

OOH!

- BOY, I'M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS,

BUT I FEEL LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE AIR.

TODAY'S THE DAY I FINALLY GET A KRABBY PATTY.

[grunts]

- YOU OKAY, LITTLE BUDDY?

- UH, YEAH, I'M DOING REALLY GOOD.

THANKS, I GUESS. - WHAT'S THIS?

- IT'S A FLIER TO PROMOTE THE KRUSTY KRAB.

'CAUSE MR. KRABS NEEDS ALL THE MONEY.

- [scoffs] OH, THIS'LL NEVER DO.

YOU GOT TO THINK BIGGER.

EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THE NAME OF THE...

UM...

KRUSTY KRAB!

WE NEED AN AD BLITZ OF MONUMENTAL PROPORTIONS!

EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, YOU SHOULD SEE THE NAME...

THE CLAMMY CLAM.

- THE KRUSTY KRAB.

- WHATEVER.

[electric razor buzzing]

- [giggles] THAT TICKLES.

- H-HOLD STILL. I'M ALMOST THROUGH.

PERFECT.

- DON'T FORGET THE PAINT.

- HOLD ONTO YOUR SHORTS.

I GOT IT.

- [laughs] OH, IT'S COLD.

- OKAY, TURN AROUND. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

- AHH. - WIDER.

- AHH! - PERFECT.

- [gags]

- READY?

- [mouth full] READY.

- [whistles]

OH! GRAFFITI. THAT'S DISGRACEFUL.

OH, I VOW TO BRING THE EVIL-DOER TO JUSTICE!

RIGHT AFTER I HAVE A KRABBY PATTY

AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. MMM.

- PATRICK, WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT HERE?

- I HIRED A SKYWRITER.

[airplane flying] - OH, LOOK! THERE HE IS, NOW.

OOH.

SOMEHOW I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE.

[thud] - OW.

I THINK I BROKE MY THESAURUS.

- OKAY, CAMPERS.

TODAY WE'RE GONNA SEE ONE OF NATURE'S WONDERS,

THE OLDEST TREE IN BIKINI BOTTOM.

[saw buzzing]

[screaming]

- WE LEFT YOU A PRESENT IN THERE.

[both giggling]

- WEIRDOS.

WHAT THE...?

"EAT AT THE KRUSTY KRAB?"

I'M DISGUSTED.

YET STRANGELY HUNGRY.

- HUH... HEY! I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HERE.

- HUH?

- [laughs]

- AAH!

- OH, THE KRUSTY KRAB.

- AH, PHEW.

- [laughs] UH, WHA...

OH, SPONGEBOB.

HI, SPONGEBOB!

[both screaming]

- IF I SEE THE WORDS "KRUSTY KRAB" ONE MORE TIME,

I AM GOING TO SCREAM.

AHEM. WHAT DOES THAT SAY?

- KRUSTY KRAB. - I THOUGHT SO.

[inhales]

[screams]

[groans]

[pants]

- I THINK THE AD CAMPAIGN IS GOING VERY WELL.

- I AGREE.

[phone ringing]

- HELLO?

OH, HI, MR. KRABS.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BOY-O,

BUT IT'S WORKING LIKE GANGBUSTERS.

THIS PLACE IS PACKED TO THE GILLS WITH GILLS.

IN FACT, I'VE SEEN AT LEAST HALF THE HOLD-OUTS

JUST SINCE THIS MORNING.

- WHOA, I BETTER GET BACK THERE TO HELP WITH THE CROWD.

- OH, DON'T WORRY, LAD.

SQUIDWARD'S HOLDING DOWN THE FORT.

YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

AND BRING IN THAT LAST 1%.

- YEAH, BUT HOW DO WE FIND THAT LAST 1%?

- WELL, THERE'S ONE PLACE WE MISSED,

THAT BIG PILE OF ROADS.

[horn honking]

- HEY, UH, PATRICK?

WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PLAY IN TRAFFIC.

- [scoffs] WELL, WE'RE NOT PLAYING.

WE'RE WORKING.

- BUT WHAT IF WE GET HIT BY A BOAT?

[horn honking]

TARTAR SAUCE. - I GOT THIS.

- DO YOU SEE THAT, CLETUS? IT'S A PINK TRAFFIC CONE.

- WELL, GOLLY. HIT THE BRAKES, BUFORD!

[tires screeching]

- YOUR CANVAS AWAITS.

- THANK YOU, PATRICK.

[hums]

OUR WORK HERE IS DONE.

LET'S GO TO THE KRUSTY KRAB AND GREET THAT LAST 1%.

- AAH! [tires screeching]

[screams]

- HERE THEY COME!

MR. KRABS WILL BE SO EXCITED.

WE DID IT, MR. KRABS.

SOON YOU'LL HAVE MORE CUSTOMERS

THAN YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH.

- IT'S ABOUT TIME. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'M OUTTA HERE.

- FIRE UP THE GRILL, LADDIE, AND GET READY FOR CUSTOMERS.

AND PATRICK, BUY SOMETHING, OR GET OUT.

[angry yelling]

- OH, BOY, HERE THEY COME!

[overlapping yelling]

- TEAR IT DOWN! - TEAR IT DOWN!

- BUT THEY'RE NOT HAPPY.

WE'RE BEING BOARDED! HELP ME HOLD THE DOORS SHUT.

- TEAR IT DOWN! TEAR IT...

- HEY, THE DOOR'S BLOCKED.

[yelling]

- HMM.

[gasps] THAT'S HIM!

LET HIM IN, IT'S THE LAST 1%.

COME ON IN, SIR.

[angry yelling] - GOT YA!

[yelling] - OH!

- WHAT ARE WE DOING UP HERE? - SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

LET'S SAVOR THE MOMENT.

HOLD STILL.

HUNGRY? - I GUESS SO.

- TRY THIS.

- A KRABBY PATTY? I'VE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE.

[chomps and chews] - THAT'LL BE 20 BUCKS.

- [chomps and chews] - BOY, THIS ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN

REALLY PAID OFF.

[Hawaiian music]

♪

[tires screeching]

[door opens]

- HMM.

WHAT COULD BE THE DOINGS OF THIS STRANGER?

- THIS LOOKS SUSPICIOUS.

Both: WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA-R?

- MR. EUGENE KRABS AND SHELDON PLANKTON?

Both: YES? - THESE ARE FOR YOU.

Both: "UPDATED CITY ORDINANCE."

HUH?

- THE KRUSTY KRAB AND THE CHUM BUCKET

ARE LOCATED TOO CLOSE TOGETHER.

ONE OF YOUR RESTAURANTS IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE BULLDOZED.

Both: B-B-B-BULLDOZED?

- 99 FEET.

- IT'S TRUE.

- AAH! [screaming]

UGH.

- SO WHICH ONE OF US IS GONNA GET BULLDOZED?

- THAT'S FOR YOU TWO TO DECIDE.

- I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S MOVING.

- YOU ARE MOVING. - HO, HO, NO, YOU ARE.

- OH, NO, I'M NOT. - GENTLEMEN.

YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO DECIDE WHICH OF YOU MOVES.

THAT'S THE LAW AROUND HERE.

- PACK YOUR BAGS, PIPSQUEAK.

- YOU MIGHT AS WELL CLOSE UP SHOP RIGHT NOW, KRABS.

YOUR CUSTOMERS WON'T MISS A THING.

- [laughs] AT LEAST I HAVE CUSTOMERS.

- OH, YEAH? WELL, I'M GONNA PUT TOGETHER A...

A PETITION OF CUSTOMERS' SIGNATURES.

- HA! GOOD LUCK WITH THAT LUDICROUS IDEA-R.

PETITION?

SQUIDWARD! SPONGEBOB!

YOU TWO TAKE THESE PETITIONS TO SAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB,

AND SECURE AS MANY SIGNATURES AS YOU CAN.

- SIR, YES, SIR!

- OH, YEAH. I'M DEFINITELY GONNA DO THIS.

- AND I'M GONNA BE THE FIRST SIGNATURE.

THERE. AND HOW ABOUT YOU, SQUIDWARD?

CAN WE COUNT ON YOUR SUPPORT?

[gasps] SQUIDWARD?

HELLO, MRS. PUFF.

- AAH! NO, STAY AWAY.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO GO BACK IN THE SLAMMER.

- NO, I'M JUST HERE TO ASK IF YOU'D SIGN THIS PETITION.

IT'LL SAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB FROM BEING BULLDOZED.

- OH. WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT THAT?

- [gasps] MRS. PUFF,

DON'T YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO MR. KRABS?

SQUIDWARD? GARY? ME?

- NOT PARTICULARLY.

- EXCUSE ME, I'M LOOKING FOR A MRS. PUFF.

- YES, THAT'S ME. - YOUR NEW BOAT'S HERE.

JUST SIGN FOR IT, PLEASE.

- SPEAKING OF SIGNATURES,

WOULD YOU SIGN THIS PETITION TO SAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB?

- WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT THE KRUSTY KRAB?

I'LL UNLOAD THE BOAT.

[motor idling]

- DON'T WORRY, MR. DELIVERY MAN, I GOT THIS.

- NO!

- EXCUSE ME, SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIGN A PETITION

TO SAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB?

- WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? THE FOOD THERE IS DANGEROUS.

- "KRABBY PATTIES ARE DANGER..."

SIR, WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

- IT WAS ON MY WINDSHIELD. THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

- THIS MUST BE PLANKTON'S DIRTY WORK.

- MR. KRABS! MR. KRABS!

[angry yelling]

- HEY, MR. KRABS, WHY ARE YOUR PATTIES DANGEROUS?

- YEAH! - YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

[overlapping questioning]

- I... WHY... I... ER...

UH, MY... MY PATTIES ARE DANGEROUS BECAUSE...

BECAUSE THEY'RE SO, UH, UH, THEY'RE SO...

- DELICIOUS!

- KID'S GOT A POINT.

- I WANT ONE! [overlapping agreement]

- THANKS FOR SAVING ME SHELL, BOY.

- DON'T THANK ME, MR. KRABS. THANK THE KRABBY PATTY.

- [growls]

THAT DOES IT!

- THROWING IN THE NAPKIN, ARE WE?

- [sobs]

MY RESTAURANT, MY LABORATORY, MY EVIL INVENTIONS...

ALL ABOUT TO BE FLATTENED.

JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT TO SAY MY GOOD-BYES.

FAREWELL, STENCH-VISION GOGGLES.

FAREWELL, CHUM BUCKET REPLICATOR.

FAREWELL, HYPNOTIZER HELMET.

WE HAD SOME DIABOLICAL TIMES TOGETHER, DIDN'T WE?

SO LONG, SONIC CANNON THAT DESTROYS

EVERY KNOWN MATERIAL IN THE UNIVERSE.

[sobs] [sonic cannon warming up]

- ♪ DO-DEE-DEE-DO-DO

- [sobs]

[whimpers]

[sobs] - PLANKTON, I...

I'M SORRY. [sniffs]

SORRY I MADE MY KRABBY PATTIES SO DELICIOUS.

[sobs]

- HEY, GET LOST!

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO WEEPS AROUND HERE.

- BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THAT I SOMEHOW

HAD A HAND IN YOUR MISERY,

OR AT LEAST A SPATULA.

NOBODY WOULD SIGN A PETITION TO BULLDOZE THE KRUSTY KRAB

UNLESS YOU PAID THEM,

AND WHO WOULD BE LOW-DOWN ENOUGH TO DO THAT?

- [evil laugh]

KAREN, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

- BEFORE YOU START BUYING UP THOSE PETITION SIGNATURES,

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT OUR CHECKING ACCOUNT BALANCE IS...

- NOT TO WORRY, MY LADY, I HAVE A PLAN.

- HMM, NOW THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY.

- THREE-HEADED JAKE? HE COMES IN EVERY DAY.

- NOT HIM. I'M REFERRING TO THE LARGE CROWD

GATHERED AT THE CHUM BUCKET.

IT APPEARS THEY ARE ACTUALLY GIVING PLANKTON... MONEY?

- YOU JUST GOT A STEAL, SIR.

YOU'LL GET MANY VILLAINOUS YEARS OUT OF THAT LITTLE NUMBER.

[chuckles]

OH, FORGET THIS RESTAURANT NONSENSE, KAREN.

I SHOULD'VE OPENED A YARD SALE BUSINESS YEARS AGO.

STEP UP, FISHES!

EVERY EVIL INVENTION IS PRICED TO MOVE.

- I'LL TAKE THIS RIP TIDE GENERATOR OFF YOUR HANDS.

- I'LL GIVE YOU $1,000 FOR THE STENCH-VISION GOGGLES.

- HEY, HOW MUCH FOR THE COMPUTER?

- HOW MUCH YOU GOT? - PLANKTON!

- ALL RIGHT, MY WIFE'S NOT FOR SALE,

BUT EVERYTHING ELSE MUST GO.

[cheering]

WELL, WIFEY,

LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO PROCEED TO THE NEXT PHASE.

WHO WANTS... FREE MONEY?

- FREE?

- MONEY?

[excited chatter] - FREE MONEY!

[grunts]

[excited chatter]

- OKAY, OKAY, ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE.

TO RECEIVE YOUR FREE MONEY...

JUST SIGN THIS PETITION TO SAVE THE CHUM BUCKET.

RIGHT THERE. - OOH, OOH, ME FIRST.

- [evil laugh] YEAH.

- THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

YOU SEE WHAT PLANKTON'S DOING, DON'T YOU?

HE'S UNDERMINING THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS

BY LEVERAGING HIS TEMPORARY FINANCIAL WINDFALL

IN ORDER TO BUY EVERY SIGNATURE IN BIKINI BOTTOM.

HERE'S $20, $40, $50...

WELL, HE JUST BOUGHT MINE FOUR TIMES!

I MEAN, TASTY FOOD IS ONE THING,

BUT HOW CAN I COMPETE WITH FREE MONEY?

I'M DOOMED!

WELL, CLEAN HER OUT, BOY. ORDER UP.

I'M AFRAID WE'RE CLOSING UP FOR GOOD.

[sobs]

- MR. KRABS IS HURT SO MUCH!

- [laughs]

HOO. PRICELESS.

- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, I GOT WHAT I NEED.

I GOT THE SIGNATURES.

ALL BUT ONE.

GUESS I WON'T BE HIRING THE YELLOW SPONGE ANYTIME SOON,

BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW

'CAUSE THE MAJORITY IS ON MY SIDE!

WHICH, IN A DEMOCRACY, IS ALL YOU NEED.

- IT'S TIME.

- SO WHO'S GETTING BULLDOZED TODAY?

- OH, NOT ME, YOUR BUREAUCRATIC-NESS.

I COMPLETED MY PETITION.

- THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. STEP ASIDE, MR. KRABS.

- BUT... BUT...

NO! I'M NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE!

- PLEASE COMPLY, MR. KRABS. IT'LL BE QUICK AND PAINLESS.

- IF YOU WANT TO BULLDOZE ME RESTAURANT,

IT'S GONNA BE LONG AND PAINFUL!

- STAND YOUR GROUND, MR. KRABS.

WE ARE RIGHT BEHIND YOU. RIGHT, SQUIDWARD?

SQUIDWARD?

- OKAY, NOW THIS IS REALLY YOUR LAST CHANCE.

- I'M NEVER LEAVING THE KRUSTY KRAB.

- FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

- [chuckles] BRING IT ON. BRING THE DESTRUCTION!

- GOOD-BYE, KRUSTY KRAB.

HEY?

- THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

- [spits] WHAT?

EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT, UH, YOU FORGOT TO LEVEL THE PLACE!

- UH, YEAH.

- DEMOLITION IS OUTSIDE OF MY PURVIEW.

I SIMPLY ENSURE THAT RESTAURANTS COMPLY

WITH THE 100-FOOT ORDINANCE.

THAT'S ONE MORE FOOT. PERFECT.

- BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!

- SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA DESTROY THE KRUSTY KRAB?

- NO, I... - THANK YOU!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

OH, DEAR.

- [struggles]

[gasps]

COME ON, LET'S DO THIS!

I WANT TO SEE SOME DESTRUCTION! [gasps]

I THINK I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.

[lilting ukulele music]

♪