Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

All: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

All: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- ♪ OHH...

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪

[waves crashing]

[lilting ukulele music]

♪

- AH, ZE KRUSTY KRAB.

BIKINI BOTTOM'S ANSWER TO FINE DINING.

AND HERE WE SEE ONE OF ITS PATRONS NOW.

AH, YES, MOVING ON.

OOH, IT IS A-SPONGEBOB, CREATOR OF THE FINE CUISINE WITHIN.

NOW, LET US WATCH.

- ONE KRABBY PATTY.

EXTRA GREASE.

- [giggles]

WHOA!

- [grumbles]

- OOH!

[laughs]

- [grumbles]

- [laughs uncontrollably]

[gasps, muffled laugh]

- [growls]

- [gasps]

WHOA! [laughs]

- ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE THAT.

THE KRUSTY KRAB WORK SCHEDULE?

WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT THIS?

- [gasps] WHAT'S SO GR...

WHY, IT'S MY HAPPY BOOK.

THE KRUSTY KRAB IS WHERE ALL OF MY HAPPIEST MEMORIES OCCURRED.

- HMM.

OOPS, I ACCIDENTALLY BURNED UP YOUR MEMORIES.

- DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD.

I HAVE A WHOLE CABINET OF BACKUPS.

SO WHAT'S YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORY, SQUIDWARD?

- UM, LET ME THINK...

[sustained tone]

UM, I GUESS I DON'T HAVE A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

OH, WELL.

YES?

- SQUIDWARD, YOU DON'T HAVE

A HAPPIEST MEMORY? - SO WHAT?

- HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT A HAPPIEST MEMORY?

DO YOU CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT?

- I HEAR YOU CRYING ALL THE TIME.

- BUT WITH JOY, SQUIDWARD.

WITH JOY.

- LOOK, I DON'T NEED A HAPPY MEMORY.

SO JUST GET BACK TO YOUR CULINARY GREASE FACTORY

AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

- HI, I'D LIKE TO ORDER A KRABBY PATTY PLEASE.

- [sobs]

- OKAY.

CAN SOMEONE ELSE TAKE MY ORDER?

- [both cry]

- I'LL WAIT.

- YOU'RE RIGHT, SPONGEBOB.

I DON'T HAVE A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

- DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD.

I'LL HELP YOU MAKE A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

- REALLY?

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN?

- NO PROBLEM.

- WELL, IT'S AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT, BUT OKAY.

- [giggles]

[classical music]

YOU LOVE MUSIC, RIGHT SQUIDWARD? - MM-HMM.

- THEN THIS'LL DEFINITELY BE YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORY.

- HEY, THIS ISN'T SO BAD.

I THINK I ACTUALLY FEEL KIND OF, UH, HAPPY.

- SEE, YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORY IS FORMING.

- [plays sour note]

[squish] - OOPS.

THAT WAS A SOUR NOTE.

- THIS IS NOT MY HAPPIEST MEMORY.

- WHY ARE WE AT THE ART MUSEUM?

- WELL, YOU LOVE ART.

MAYBE YOU'LL FIND A HAPPY MEMORY IN HERE.

- GREAT, I GET TO SEE ALL THE ART OF PEOPLE

WHO HAVE SUCCEEDED WHERE I'VE FAILED.

MY ART WILL NEVER BE SHOWN IN THIS BI... OOF!

WHAT THE...

THIS... THIS... THIS IS MY SCULPTURE.

HOW DID IT GET HERE?

- OOH, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.

ART LOVERS, THIS IS SQUIDWARD TENTACLES,

CREATOR OF THIS PIECE.

All: OOH!

- WOW, YOUR WORK IN A MUSEUM, SQUIDWARD.

- GOSH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE IT.

- YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORY?

- YEAH.

- AND NOW THE PERFORMANCE ARTIST FIASCO

WILL SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT THIS PIECE.

- GOSH, FIASCO HIMSELF IS TALKING ABOUT MY ART.

- AHEM, SQUID... WARD, GO TOWARD... THE LIGHT...

OF MY FLAMETHROWER!

All: OOH!

- AND NOW, HE'S MELTED IT.

NOT A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

- UM, IT'S KIND OF SMOKY IN HERE.

YOU NEED FRESH AIR.

WHAT A MAJESTIC VIEW.

- WHAT VIEW?

- OH, YEAH, I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR BLINDFOLD.

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

- VERY NICE, EXCEPT THAT I'M...

AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!

- OH, SORRY, SQUIDWARD!

I'LL TAKE US DOWN.

- WHAT? NO!

OH, BOY.

[both scream]

- [groans]

OH, YEAH. NICE VIEW.

- SON OF A SEAHORSE.

20 YEARS OF TRAINING AND A COUPLE OF AMATEURS

JUST LEAP OUT OF A BALLOON.

HERE, YOU PLANT IT.

ALL THAT TIME AND MONEY AND RESOURCES WASTED ON...

- HEY, WE'RE THE FIRST TO EVER REACH THE TOP OF MOUNT BIKINI.

SURELY THAT MUST MAKE FOR A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

I CLAIM THIS MOUNTAIN IN THE NAME OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES!

- [groans]

[ground rumbles]

UH-OH.

- STUPID AMATEURS, I...

FANTASTIC.

- TIME TO FACE FACTS.

I'LL NEVER HAVE A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

AND IF I DO, IT DEFINITELY WON'T INVOLVE YOU.

HELLO, MISERY, I'M HOME.

I MIGHT AS WELL GO TO BED FOR 100 YEARS OR SO.

WAKE ME WHEN I'M DEAD.

[sighs]

- GARY, I AM WORRIED ABOUT SQUIDWARD.

HE HASN'T COME OUT OF HIS HOUSE FOR TWO WEEKS NOW.

- [meows]

- WHY ISN'T HE ANSWERING?

SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDWARD?

NOW I'M REALLY WORRIED.

SQUIDWARD! SQUIDWARD!

[gasps]

SQUIDWARD, DOWN HERE!

HE'S UPSTAIRS.

HEY.

HEY.

SQUIDWARD.

WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW HE'S STILL ALIVE.

UH-OH. - [meows]

- [screams]

[whimpers] OW!

I'M OKAY, GARY.

- [meows]

- SQUIDWARD SURE SEEMS DEPRESSED.

I THINK I'LL CALL HIM AND CHEER HIM UP.

[phone rings] - [grumbles]

- HELLO? - STILL ALIVE...

- SQUIDWARD?

ARE YOU THERE?

SQUIDWARD, ARE YOU THERE?

SQUIDWARD? - [meows]

- GARY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT SQUIDWARD'S?

UH, GARY, COULD YOU PUT SQUIDWARD ON THE PHONE?

HOLD ON A SECOND, SOMEONE'S ON THE OTHER LINE.

[echoing] HELLO?

HELLO?

HELLO!

HELLO? [feedback whines]

- I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET HAPPY.

WELL, THAT DIDN'T HELP.

[phone rings] HUH?

THAT'S STRANGE.

I COULD SWEAR I JUST THREW

THAT DARN PHONE AWAY.

OH, YEAH, MY FAX MACHINE.

NOW, WHY DID I BUY THAT AGAIN?

- HI, SQUIDWARD.

YOU SURE ARE A HARD MAN TO GET A HOLD OF.

[sniffs] HEY, DO I SMELL BROWNIES?

- YES.

[paper shredder whirs]

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

- [sighing meow]

[printer whirring]

[meows] - THANKS, GARY.

I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO GIVE SQUIDWARD A HAPPIEST MEMORY.

THESE PANTS MAY BE SQUARE,

BUT IT'S TIME TO THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX.

- I CAN'T SEEM TO GET HAPPY.

MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.

- [chirps]

- OOH!

[tweets]

- NOPE, I GUESS NOT.

OH, GREAT.

I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE.

YOU'RE NOT SPONGEBOB.

- I HAVE A PACKAGE HERE FOR A SQUIDWARD "TENTACLEES"?

- TENTACLES. YES, THAT'S ME.

- WELL, HERE YOU GO.

- THANKS.

DOESN'T SAY WHO IT'S FROM.

NO DOUBT SPONGEBOB'S HIDING INSIDE.

OH, WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.

GOTCHA... HUH?

IT'S EMPTY.

EMPTY. JUST LIKE MY MISERABLE LIFE.

I SEE NOTHING BUT DARKNESS AHEAD.

[strained mumbles] SPONGEBOB...

[muffled yelling]

[growls] - SURPRISE!

I FIGURED WHAT YOU NEEDED WAS A PARTY TO HELP CHEER YOU UP.

UNFORTUNATELY, EVERYONE I TRIED TO INVITE WAS BUSY OR SICK.

BUT DON'T WORRY, I USED MY PAPIER-MACHE SKILLS

TO FILL THE PARTY WITH YOUR FAVORITE PERSON... ME!

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HAPPIEST MEMORY OR WHAT?

- YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.

I...

DON'T...

WANT...

A...

HAPPIEST MEMORY!

[primal scream]

- ARE YOU ENJOYING THE HORS D'OEUVRES?

- [growls]

HI-YA!

[chainsaws rev]

[insane laughter]

I FEEL WONDERFUL!

[insane laugh]

THIS IS IT!

MY HAPPIEST MEMORY!

- [sighs] HE'S SO HANDSOME.

[eerie sci-fi music]

♪

- WHEE!

- [panting]

- LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

GOTCHA!

THERE YOU GO, LITTLE FELLA. - [grunts]

- IS IT ME, OR DOES JELLYFISH FIELD SEEM DIFFERENT TODAY?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT ALL THIS FAILURE SURE IS MAKING ME TIRED.

I'M GONNA TAKE A QUICK NAP ON THAT ROCK OVER THERE.

- OKAY. I'M GONNA LOOK FOR MORE JELLYFISH

OVER BY THAT CREEPY, SPOOKY, EVIL-LOOKING CAVE.

LA LA LA LA LA.

LA LA LA LA LA LA.

[laughs]

OH, LITTLE JELLYFISH.

I CAN'T RESIST YOUR CHARMS.

IF ONLY YOU DIDN'T STING.

THEN YOU'D BE THE PERFECT PET.

OH, WELL, GUESS IT'S JUST CATCH AND RELEASE FOR NOW.

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

- [growls]

[roars]

- [snores]

- [groans]

- HEY, ISN'T THIS THE CUTEST

LITTLE JELLYFISH YOU'VE EVER SEEN?

AND HE DOESN'T STING.

GOSH, YOU DON'T SUPPOSE HE'S SOME SORT OF NEW BREED, HUH?

I THINK I'LL KEEP THIS ONE AS A PET.

WHOA.

- YES.

I TOO HAVE CAUGHT MANY JELLYFISH.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD GIVE ONE TO EACH OF OUR FRIENDS.

[sigh]

- WOW, PATRICK, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

WELL, WE'VE GIVEN EVERYONE A JELLYFISH EXCEPT SQUIDWARD.

AH, HE PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT ONE.

- HE WILL TAKE ONE AND LIKE IT.

PLEASANT DREAMS, SQUARE ONE.

- RIGHT BACK AT YA, OLD BUDDY.

WHOA!

- DO NOT LET THE BEDBUGS BITE. [monotone laugh]

- UH, THAT'S SOME GOOD ADVICE.

GOOD NIGHT SQUIDWARD.

- THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF BITING THIS NIGHT.

BRAAAP!

- TONIGHT, YOU'LL SLEEP WITH ME, LITTLE JELLY.

GOOD NIGHT, GARY. - [meows]

- GOOD NIGHT, LITTLE JELLY.

OH, I CAN'T SLEEP.

[wolf howls]

[lightning cracks]

- [growls] - [screams]

[laughs]

THESE LATE NIGHT HORROR SHOWS

ARE A REAL HOOT.

OH, HEY, YOU WANT SOME POPCORN?

HERE YOU GO. - [gagging]

- HEY, HEY!

ARE YOU OKAY BACK THERE?

AW, LOOK AT HIM, THE LITTLE ANGEL.

GUESS HE COULDN'T MAKE IT PAST THE THIRD FEATURE.

GOOD MORNING, SLEEPY HEAD.

WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU WHILE I'M AT WORK.

YOU BETTER STAY IN HERE WHERE IT'S SAFE.

YOU TWO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

BYE.

- [monotone meow]

- WHOA, LOOK AT ALL THE CUSTOMERS!

- [monotone voice] ONE KRABBY PATTY.

HOLD THE MAYONNAISE.

- ONE KRABBY PATTY.

HOLD THE MAYONNAISE.

- ONE KRABBY PATTY.

HOLD THE MAYONNAISE.

- THANK YOU, COME AGAIN.

Both: BRAAAP!

- I WOULD LIKE ONE KRABBY PA...

- ONE KRABBY PATTY.

HOLD THE MAYONNAISE.

BRAAAP!

- UH, ACTUALLY, I WANT ONE WITH EXTRA MAYO.

- [hisses]

[all hiss]

- WHAT'S WRONG, DUDES?

- I'M SORRY, VALUED CUSTOMER.

WE ARE CURRENTLY OUT OF THE CONDIMENT YOU CALL MAYONNAISE.

PLEASE ACCEPT THIS FREE JELLYFISH HAT INSTEAD.

THANK YOU, COME AGAIN.

- OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

WE JUST RECEIVED A WHOLE SHIPMENT OF MAYONNAISE.

PATRICK?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

COOKING KRABBY PATTIES IS MY JOB.

- I AM HERE TO REPLACE YOU AND ALL OF YOUR KIND.

- [chuckles] I SAW THAT MOVIE LAST NIGHT TOO.

OOPS, IF YOU'RE GONNA WORK HERE,

YOU'LL NEED AN OFFICIAL KRUSTY KRAB HAT.

- UH...

- SAY, THAT'S A PRETTY NEAT TRICK.

I'M GONNA GET SOME EXTRA MAYONNAISE FROM THE BACK.

- NO MAYONNAISE!

- OKAY...

HE'S ACTING WEIRD TODAY.

HEY, THERE'S PLENTY OF MAYO BACK HERE.

- [growling] - HUH?

IS SOMEBODY IN THERE?

- [growls]

- [gasps] MONSTERS.

SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS.

[gasps] PATRICK TOO!

AND SOME RANDOM GUY!

[screams]

MY SPATULA!

IT'S JUST LIKE THAT MOVIE I WATCHED LAST NIGHT.

THOSE THINGS HAVE CAPTURED EVERYONE

AND PUT THEM INTO CREEPY PODS.

HI... PATRICK.

I'M GONNA CLEAN... THE TABLES... PATRICK.

[nervous laugh] PATRICK.

- HI, SPONGEBOB. - [yelps]

- DON'T YOU WANT A CUTE LITTLE JELLYFISH?

- UH, NO THANKS.

[yelps] MR. KRABS!

- YOU SEEM TIRED, SPONGEBOB.

WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME AND TAKE A NAP?

[hisses]

- YES, AND YOU CAN USE THIS JELLY AS A PILLOW.

- OH, THAT'S OKAY.

I... I HAVE ONE AT HOME.

- [hisses] - [yelps]

- [hisses] - [screams]

- [hisses] - [screams]

both: SLEEP WELL.

- SLEEP! - AGH! RANDOM GUY!

[all hiss] - [screams]

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

ALL MY FRIENDS TAKEN BY THOSE JELLY CREATURES.

I CAN FEEL THEIR CREEPY, ROPE-LIKE TENTACLES NOW.

OW!

- ALL RIGHT, YOU ROTTEN JELLY CLONE.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SPONGEBOB?

- I'M NO CLONE, SANDY.

I AM SPONGEBOB.

- WELL, THEN YOU WON'T MIND IF I RUN A SIMPLE TEST.

[cracks knuckles]

- COOCHIE-COOCHIE COO.

COOCHIE-COOCHIE-COOCHIE COO. - [laughs]

NOT THE COOCHIE-COOCHIE-COOCHIE...

[laughs]

OH, THAT'S A... THAT'S A TICKLE SPOT!

- YOU'RE SPONGEBOB ALL RIGHT.

- WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, SANDY?

- IF WE ONLY KNEW THE JELLIENS' WEAKNESS.

- WELL, THE ONLY THING I KNOW

IS THAT THEY CAN'T STAND MAYONNAISE.

- EW, I DON'T LIKE MAYONNAISE NEITHER.

- OH, SO YOU DON'T LIKE MAYO?

JUST LIKE A JELLIEN.

- OH, SNAP OUT OF IT, SPONGEBOB.

NOW IF WE ONLY HAD SOME MAYONNAISE.

- THERE'S LOTS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB.

BUT WE'LL NEVER GET PAST... THEM.

[all hiss]

- NOT TO WORRY.

WE'LL BE IN DISGUISE.

[both whistle]

[monotone voice] GREETINGS, FELLOW CLONE.

I HATE MAYONNAISE.

- I HATE MAYONNAISE AND MUSTARD. - HMM.

- [both whistle]

- I LIKE MUSTARD.

- DID YOU TAKE THAT NAP, SPONGEBOB?

- UH-HUH, SURE DID.

- YEP, WE'RE ALL RESTED AND JELLIFIED.

- [monotone laugh]

GOOD ONE, JELLIEN SANDY.

- [monotone laugh]

- IMPOSTERS!

[all hiss]

- QUICK, SPONGEBOB, THE MAYONNAISE!

- [shrieks]

EW!

- IT WORKED, SPONGEBOB.

KEEP GOING.

- [hisses]

- SPONGEBOB, LOOK OUT!

[all moan]

COME ON, SPONGEBOB.

- OH, HI, JELLIEN PATRICK.

- HOLD THE MAYONNAISE.

- DOH, ALMOST FORGOT.

- OOF!

HEY GUYS, WHAT'S SHAKING?

OH...

- [roars]

- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YA EVIL BLOB OF SLIME.

YOU'RE THROUGH, 'CAUSE WE KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS.

SHOW HIM, SPONGEBOB.

- [growls]

- LET 'ER RIP!

- NAH!

SANDY, IT'S SO COLD IN HERE,

THE MAYONNAISE IS STARTING TO FREEZE.

- THEN HURRY AND THROW IT, SPONGEBOB.

- AYE-AYE!

- [roars]

[laughs]

- OH, NO, THIS MAYONNAISE IS FROZEN SOLID.

- THEN I'LL JUST TURN UP THE HEAT.

- [growls]

both: HOORAY!

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- WELL, LET ME TELL YOU.

...AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE COVERED IN GOO.

- THANKS FOR RESCUING US, SPONGEBOB.

BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH ALL THIS GREEN SLOP?

- MMM.

FREAKY CLONE JELLY RELISH!

- RELISH PATTIES!

GET YOUR FREAKY CLONE JELLY RELISH PATTIES!

ONLY FOUR BUCKS EXTRA.

- UH, I'LL HAVE ONE RELISH PATTY.

HOLD THE MAYO.

[eerie sci-fi music]