Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

All: Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

All: Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

All: SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

All: SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

All: SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

- All: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

All: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[Laughing]

♪ ♪

[Waves crashing]

[Lively fiddle music]

♪ ♪

See him?

Nope.

Oh, wait. Now I do.

[Panting]

What's he doing?

Um...

Just kind of sitting there.

How about now?

Still just kind of, like, sitting there,

same thing.

How long have we been watching?

What time is it now?

2:30.

Four days.

Patrick, it's moving!

Are you ready to go for it?

Like Mr. Krabs says,

it's now or never.

When does he say that?

Usually on his way into the men's room.

Banzai!

Hey, that's usually what I say!

[Jellyfish humming]

Patrick, he's taking evasive action.

We better flank him.

I'll flank left. You go right.

Roger that!

Other right, Patrick!

[Both yelling]

[Crashing, shattering]

Oh, I think I ruptured a spleen.

I think I shattered my abacus.

Your what?

My abacus.

Nope. Seems okay.

[Jellyfish zooms]

Patrick! There it goes!

[Panting]

Don't stop now, Patrick.

We're gaining on him.

[Laughter]

[Screaming]

[Screaming continues]

[Whistling]

Well, it's now or never.

[Screaming]

[Moans]

You boys look mighty colorful,

a smidgen too colorful, if you ask me.

And too darn heavy,

if you ask me.

Well, actually,

Patrick has been trying to shed a few pounds.

Tell it to Ma Angler.

[Laughter]

Well, tell me this,

what was it y'all was doing down yonder

at the outhouse in the first place?

Well, I done told you, Ma.

There I was, doing my duty,

just like every other Sunday.

[Whistling]

Well, it's now or never.

When with not so much as a warning shout,

these here varmints

done dropped right out of the wild black yonder

smack-dab onto my noggin.

Darn near give me a crick in the neck it has too.

We're really sorry for interrupting your--

Y'all hush up.

Now, Cletus, is this another one of your tall tales

you tend to tell?

I swears I ain't fibbing, Ma.

Cletus.

Just ask Uncle Belcher.

He'll tell you the whole story.

[Belches]

See?

Well, I must admit one thing,

they is awfully purty.

Nevertheless, as leader of this here clan,

which I is,

I must subject these two purty folk

to clan initiation rites to deem them worthy.

Um...

- Worthy of what? - Specifically.

Of livin'.

[Both gulp]

Junior!

[Chuckles]

Go and get your fiddle.

[Mumbling] Okay, okay.

[Chuckling]

Fiddle.

[Guffaws]

Look, Patrick.

He's gonna play us a little song.

[Banjo twanging]

Short song.

SpongeBob,

I think this is meant to be a musical challenge.

Challenge?

[Banjo twanging]

Patrick, we don't even have an instrument to play.

[Banjo twanging]

Yeah, and soon we won't have anything to play it with.

[Gasps]

Patrick, hang on.

[Whispering]

SpongeBob, don't leave me!

Wouldn't dream of it, Patrick.

All right!

[Banjo twanging]

Twang!

[Gasping]

[Banjo twangs]

[Lively banjo playing]

♪ ♪

[Cheering and laughter]

Yeah, all right, buddy!

[Cheers and applause]

[Fireworks exploding]

Well, Patrick, even though you won,

it looks like he was the real star.

[Laughs]

- Betsy! - Yes'm.

It's time for a hootin' and hollerin' contest.

[Clears throat]

[Yodeling]

Whoo! Whoo!

Patrick, it's a singing competition.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

But I sure am a-thirsty after that fiddlin'.

[Gulping]

Hey, give me some of that.

[Gulping]

[Both slurping]

[Both belching]

[Cheers and applause]

Looks like we're on a roll, eh, Patrick?

- Hey, go get him! - Yeah!

Give him what for. Go get him.

I just love me some rassling and tussling.

Whoa!

[Cheers and applause]

[Whistles]

Bravissimo!

My compliments to the chef.

Your turn.

Well, actually, my friend and I,

we don't like to rassle.

Oh?

You don't like to rassle?

N-No. We're not the rassling sort.

Well, then, what in tarnation exactly

do you purty folk like to do for fun?

Well, we like to go jellyfishing.

Jellyfishing.

What kind of tomfoolery is jellyfishing?

Well, it goes something like this.

[Both laughing and humming]

What the...

That's disgusting.

Now, Patrick!

[Both yelling]

[Crashing, shattering]

- Oh! - Ooh!

Well, something like that, anyway.

Nice knowing you, buddy.

Well, I haven't seen anybody cutting up like that

around these parts

since we was potty training Junior.

[Laughs wheezily]

He was near about 13.

[Laughter]

Them boys is dumber than my box of rotten teeth.

[Laughter]

[Cheers and applause]

Go get 'em, tiger.

[Sniffles]

They grow up so fast.

As leader of this here clan,

I hereby dub you

Sponge Joe Bob and Darryl,

honorary trenchbillies.

[Wild cheers and applause]

Speech! Speech!

Well, I guess if I was to say one thing,

and I think I'm speaking

for both Patrick and myself here,

it's that y'all are a bunch of real kind folks,

and it's been a real hoot getting to know y'all.

[Cheers and applause]

Farewell, friendly trenchbillies.

- See you around! - Toodles!

And just where is it do you folk think you're going?

Uh, over to home?

Well, you're one of our kin now,

so this is your home,

and as such, you've been given the great honor

of taking care of Ma

for the rest of your natural born lives.

Taking care of Ma?

Rest of our natural born lives!

You know, carry her purse, give her calf massages,

read her the Billy Shakespeare

till she falls asleep at night.

Ma just loves iambic pentameter.

Well, that all sounds like a lot of fun,

but I have responsibilities back home at Bikini Bottom.

I have a pet snail to feed,

and I can't be late for work at the Krusty Krab.

Yeah, and iambic pentameter gives me a headache.

[Sobbing]

You folks ain't going nowhere.

Oh, please!

Mr. Trenchbilly, what can we--

Oh, hey, your shoe's untied.

What?

But I ain't even wearing--

Darn it.

Well, what was I supposed to tell him, Squidward?

You could have told him he could have his money back.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

Why?

Because I already put it in the register.

Mr. Krabs!

We just escaped from

an angry mob of deep-sea bumpkins!

It was horrible!

They were gonna make us stay forever

and massage their grandma.

So? Why are you telling me?

'Cause they followed us here.

[Lively fiddle music]

[Screaming]

[Shouting]

Crash!

Come on out!

We know you're in there!

Yeah, come on out!

We know you're in there!

[Stutters]

Welcome to the Krusty Krab.

May I take your order?

Um, sure.

I'll have me a large Krabby Patty

with a Kola.

No, no, no! Lemon-lime.

[Cash register dings]

Keep 'em coming, SpongeBob.

This is the most business we've seen in a long time.

Aye-aye, Captain.

I'm gonna get some more buns.

More! More!

More!

More!

Oh, yeah.

That's what I like to see.

She's gonna make customer of the week.

We catch anyone

making goo-goo eyes like that at our ma,

it can only mean one thing.

They's gonna get hitched!

[Gulps]

[Crowd cheering]

[Kissing noises]

No!

[Sighs]

♪ Oh, I got a whole new... ♪

Oh, is that supposed to be singing?

I am putting that one on SpongeBob.

Would you clam up, SpongeBob?

I am trying to paint in here.

♪ I cherish my fellow residents ♪

SpongeBob!

Why are you doing this?

Oh, I'm just displaying for all to see

an attitude of gratitude.

Gratitude?

You've been wallowing in filth all morning.

What could you possibly be grateful for?

Hit it, boys!

One, two, three, four.

[Squelching rhythmically]

♪ Oh, I've got a whole new attitude ♪

♪ A lifetime subscription to gratitude ♪

♪ Friend, you've got to change your glad-itude ♪

♪ Live an attitude of gratitude ♪

♪ I'm grateful for the life I am living ♪

♪ Who knows how long I will have it? ♪

♪ I'm thankful for all I've been given ♪

♪ We make appreciation a habit ♪

♪ There's no time like the present day ♪

♪ To have a present come your way ♪

All: ♪ All you have to do is grab it ♪

♪ So now I think that you will see ♪

All: ♪ Ooh, you'll see ♪

♪ There's nothing more you need ♪

♪ My friend, this ain't no platitude ♪

All: ♪ Platitude ♪

♪ Just an attitude of gratitude ♪

All: ♪ Gratitude ♪

Or in your case, Squidward,

an attitude of hat-itude.

[Laughs]

Keep your hat and your gratitude,

'cause being your neighbor

leaves me with nothing to be grateful for.

Ah!

Ooh!

Wow, Squidward.

You should really consider

getting your plumbing looked at.

This is your fault!

Don't worry, buddy.

I can give you a hand.

No! You have helped me enough!

I don't want your help ever again.

No problem, pal.

[Singing nonsensically]

Moron.

[Groans]

[Pipe squeaking]

[Gasps]

[Straining]

Stupid pipe.

[Groans]

[Gasping]

[Watch beeps]

Oh, great. Now I'm late for work.

[Mumbling angrily]

[Pipe creaking]

[Mumbling angrily]

Pardon me.

Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

Slow down, speedster.

[Laughs]

Go jump in a coral bed.

Mr. Squidward, how many times do I have to tell you?

The customers' jokes are always funny.

Now give the gentleman a chuckle.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

[Growls]

I knew you'd eventually get it, dude.

[Laughs]

[Breathing heavily]

Stop staring, SpongeBob.

You're affecting my productivity.

I would like to order one Krabby Patty.

That will be $3.

Do you accept pennies?

I don't have time to count all that.

Oh, well, have it your way.

I'll just take my loose change elsewhere.

Oh, please do.

I'm trying to get some work done here.

Sheesh.

Some people just want to waste your time.

[Foot tapping]

Hey, buddy.

How am I supposed to focus with all that incessant tapping?

[Clunking]

And what do you think you're doing, sir?

I'm holding the door for the nice lady.

No, you're not.

You're leaving your grubby fin-prints

all over the glass,

and now yours truly is gonna have to clean it up.

Why does everyone insist on making my job so difficult?

[Slurps]

You always leave trash on the table.

Your teeth chatter.

Your hat annoys me.

You take too long in the restroom.

[Humming]

And, SpongeBob, would you quit singing that song!

What's the matter, Squidward?

Don't you have an attitude of gratitude?

[Sighs]

SpongeBob, I hate my job,

and I live in a dead-end town with neighbors I can't stand.

I'm the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom.

What do I have to be thankful for?

Well, it could be worse.

How could life in Bikini Bottom

possibly get any worse?

[Rumbling]

Mount Bikini Bottom is erupting!

Boom!

That's how.

Cool.

[Explosions roaring]

Look! The roof!

[Crowd screaming]

Hey, you lemons,

Afraid of a little lava?

[Sizzling]

Cashie!

No!

Make it stop raining this fiery destruction!

[Sobbing]

Sorry to interrupt your crying, Mr. Krabs,

but shouldn't we get to a place

that at least doesn't have a roof

with lava coming through it?

[Screaming]

Fear not.

Shelter can't be far away.

Oh, why even bother, SpongeBob?

Can't you see?

Civilization as we know it is crumbling to dust.

Civic order is in tatters.

It's every man for himself.

There's no other way.

I'm gonna need your life essence!

[Growling]

What are you boys doing out still?

Plenty of room at the volcano shelter.

Hey, but no more roughhousing.

You got that?

Oh, yes, of course, ma'am.

Try and behave yourself, fellers.

No need to get excited, citizens.

Your government is working tirelessly

to defeat this evil volcano.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry.

We've got it under control.

Under control?

Half the city's on fire.

You call that "under control"?

Huh? Do you?

Ah!

The end is near, Mayor!

That guy's onto something.

What are you hiding from us, Mayor?

Do you have some secret?

Is the end near?

- Yeah! - Answer the question!

- Exactly! - Answer the question!

Mr. Mayor!

Mr. Mayor, please, I've got something.

Oh, yes, boy.

How do you propose we stop the volcano?

Actually, I just had a question

about these parking tickets.

I don't have a car.

Oh, boy, moron.

We're doomed!

[Chuckles]

You fools!

Who are you?

[Cackling]

All: Ooh!

I am an ancient warrior from long ago,

the last of my kind who ruled over the ocean

from before the dawn of time.

But alas, my people were wiped out

by the same volcano that plagues you now.

Then how did you survive?

[Laughs]

I survived because I was the only one

who knew how to stop it.

Well, don't keep us in suspense.

How did you stop it?

You must make a sacrifice!

[Crowd gasping]

What kind of sacrifice?

A sacrifice must be made of the most miserable person.

I knew it.

We have to sacrifice the most miserable person.

And who would that be?

Well, it certainly isn't me.

[All talking at once]

Hey, Squidward,

who do you think is the most miserable person?

Don't know. Don't care.

But, Squidward, it's imperative that--

But, Squidward, it is imperative that we nothing!

I think I'd rather take my chances with the volcano

than be stuck in this miserable barnacle hole

with you and the citizens of dum-dum town.

Oh, oh, we're idiots now?

I'm a very smart woman.

Nice, nice.

What?

[Crowd shouting]

You idiots!

You got the wrong guy!

We heard you complaining about the fingerprints.

And the foot tapping.

And my loose change.

And my teeth!

And his hat!

And you called the pipe stupid.

And the fact that you said

you were the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom.

I'm the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom.

Oh, would you just... [Grumbles]

[Lava hissing]

Let me down, you goons!

Sorry, Mr. Tentacles.

Throw him in, fellas.

[Screams]

Wait!

It is I who have made Squidward miserable.

Throw me in instead.

Works for me.

Well, I'm glad you all came to your senses.

Bunch of ingrates.

Come on, SpongeBob, jump in.

- Whoa! - Squidward!

SpongeBob, help!

I'd love to, Squidward,

but you said do not help you ever again

and that being my neighbor

left you with nothing to be grateful for.

I made a promise.

[Groaning]

I take it back!

[Screams]

[Babbles]

Please, SpongeBob.

I didn't mean any of that.

I do appreciate your friendship.

I am grateful.

I...I...

♪ I'm grateful for the life I'm living ♪

♪ Who knows how long I've have it? ♪

I learned that from you, remember?

Good-bye, everyone.

[Screams]

Boing!

Huh?

Squidward,

I always knew you felt that way.

Aw, buddy.

Thanks for finally opening up to us.

[Pipe straining]

[Water roaring]

[High-pitched falling noise]

Crash!

[Crowd cheering]

My house!

Ah, now the volcano is appeased.

But I thought you said a sacrifice had to be made

of the most miserable person.

No. You didn't let me finish.

I was trying to say,

a sacrifice of the most miserable person's house.

No one ever listens to me.

[Chuckling]

[Cackling]

You know, SpongeBob,

in light of everything that just happened,

I lied to you.

I am not grateful for anything.

I mean, look at me.

I don't even have a roof to sleep under anymore.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

Go away.

Captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

[Lilting ukulele music]

♪ ♪