Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

All: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

All: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- ♪ OHH...

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪

[waves crashing]

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪

- [yawns]

I'M BORED.

- HMM, INTERESTING.

ME TOO!

LET'S GO LOOK FOR SOMETHING TO DO

IN OLD MAN SQUIDWARD'S SHED.

- OLD MAN SQUIDWARD'S SHED?

- YYYUUUP.

- [whistles] - OOOOH.

[both gasp] WHAT'S THAT?

- WHAT IS IT?

- I DON'T KNOW, PATRICK.

- [sighs]

♪ LA-DA-DEE, LA-DA-DUM, LA-DA-DOO ♪

♪ LA-DA-DEE, LA-DA-DUM, LA-DA ♪

- [trilling lips] - [laughing]

- [gasps] IT'S OLD MAN SQUIDWARD.

- HIDE!

- ♪ LA-DA-DEE, LA-DA-DUM, LA-DA-DOO ♪

♪ DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO-DOO-DA-DA-DOO ♪

HMM.

WHERE'S MY TROWEL?

- [whispering] SPONGEBOB?

- [whispering] YES, PATRICK?

- [whispering] IS THIS A TROWEL?

- [whispering] YES, PATRICK.

- OH, HERE IT IS.

[screaming]

- DON'T HURT US, SQUIDWARD.

- WE'RE BORED.

- WE JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUR...

WHATEVER THIS THING IS.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU MORONS WOULD PROBABLY...

YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH MY LAWN MOWER?

Both: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

- THANKS FOR LETTING US MOW YOUR LAWN, SQUIDWARD.

AHHH! MY PATTY-FLIPPING HAND!

[both crying]

- [giggles maniacally]

[engine humming]

KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT.

Crash!

[giggling and shouting]

[screams]

- WHOA!

[giggling]

- VROOM-VROOM-VROOM-VROOM.

[laughter]

[tires squealing]

- [humming]

EXCUSE ME, DAVY.

I'VE GOT MY FIRST BLIND DATE IN 400 YEARS,

AND I'VE GOT TO LOOK GOOD.

HMM, IT'S A LITTLE TORN.

COURSE, IT WAS THE SHIRT I WAS BURIED IN.

AH, MEMORIES.

[sniffs]

[glass shattering]

[hacking]

[panting]

OKAY, THAT ONE'S A BIT RIPE.

HMM.

STAINED.

NAW.

TOO ITCHY.

HEY, THERE SHE IS.

I'VE BEEN SAVIN' THIS BEAUTY FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION.

[hissing]

LOOKIN' GOOD.

[rumbling and laughter]

[tires squealing and laughter]

[rumbling and laughter]

[dirt splatting]

[flames whooshing]

- WHO DARES...

[buzzing]

WHO...

[buzzing]

DISTURB...

[buzzing]

THE FLYIN'...

[buzzing]

DUTCHMAN?

MY BEARD!

HEY!

Thwack!

[growls]

[zapping]

WHO DARES DISTURB THE FLYIN' DUTCHMAN?

- YOU'RE NOT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN.

- YEAH, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HAS A BEARD.

- I DON'T LOOK LIKE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN

BECAUSE YOU MORONS CUT OFF MY BEARD!

- OH, MAKES YOU LOOK A THOUSAND YEARS YOUNGER.

- I DON'T WANT TO LOOK YOUNGER.

I HATE YOUTH.

I'LL PROBABLY GET PIMPLES AGAIN.

- YOUR BEARD WILL JUST GROW BACK.

- YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY FACIAL HAIR.

IT'LL TAKE A THOUSAND YEARS FOR MY BEARD TO GROW BACK!

- I'M SORRY, BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE GHOSTS.

- WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU LEARNED.

UNTIL MY BEARD GROWS BACK,

I'M GONNA TURN YOU TWO FOOLS INTO GHOSTS.

PREPARE TO BE...

[echoing] GHOSTIFIED.

- GHOSTIFIED?

[chuckles]

THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL WORD.

[crying]

[giggling]

- OKAY, YOU'RE HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.

[zapping]

[shouting]

- WE'RE MERMAIDS. [chortles]

- YOU'RE GHOSTS!

Both: OHH.

- WE'RE GHOSTS.

Both: YAY!

- THIS ISN'T REALLY WORKING OUT THE WAY I IMAGINED.

Both: OHHHHHHH.

SQUIIIIDWARRRRRD.

- IT'S SPONGEBOOOOB.

- AND PATRIIIICK.

WE'RE GHOOOOOSTS.

Both: OOOOOOOH.

- WE'RE GOING TO HAUNT YOU FOREVEEEEER.

Both: OHHHHHHH.

[blubbering]

- EH, WELL, THAT KILLED THE MOOD.

Both: OOOOOOOH.

- I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LENT THEM MY LAWN MOWER.

- GOOD NIGHT, PATRICK.

[sighs] BEING A GHOST CAN SURE TIRE YOU OUT.

- GOOD NIGHT, GHOST BUDDY.

- THAT'S ODD.

HOWEVER SHALL I GET IN?

BLAHRB!

OH.

HMM, WELL, THAT'S HANDY.

[yawns] I AM BEAT.

WELL, I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THE STAIRS.

[whooshing]

[sighs]

[snoring]

HEY, PATRICK,

I DIDN'T SLEEP SO GOOD LAST NIGHT.

- I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL.

I COULD SEE THROUGH MY EYELIDS.

MY EYELIDS!

- [gasps] I'M LATE FOR WORK.

- MY EYELIDS.

- [panting]

DON'T WORRY, MR. KRABS. I'M HERE.

- AAAAH! MERMAID!

- SPONGEBOB, YOU'RE LATE.

WHY ARE YOU BRIGHT GREEN?

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEGS?

- HE'S A GHOST, MR. KRABS.

- A GHOST, EH?

CAN YOU STILL COOK KRABBY PATTIES?

- CAN DO, MR. KRABS.

- THEN GET YOUR CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS IN THE KITCHEN.

- AYE, AYE, OH, LIVING EMPLOYER.

- EW.

- ♪ LA LA LA LA LA

[humming]

[splatting]

[whistling]

clink!

♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA

splat!

[sizzling]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[groaning]

[sobbing]

I CAN'T COOK KRABBY PATTIES.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A GHOST ANYMORE, PATRICK.

- I DON'T EITHER.

I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING.

FOOD JUST GOES RIGHT THROUGH ME.

- UGH.

- MAYBE THE WEIRD HAIRLESS MAN WILL CHANGE US BACK.

- YEAH, LET'S GO SEE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN.

- AH, AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MY PERSONALITY.

Both: CHANGE US BACK. CHANGE US BACK.

- WE DON'T LIKE BEING GHOSTS. I HATE BEING A GHOST.

PLEASE, MR. DUTCHMAN, WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

CONSTANTLY MOANING AND GROANING.

- INVISIBLE TO THE WORLD.

- LIVING WITHOUT A SOUL.

- IT'S MISERABLE.

- HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS?

- [slurping]

- HMM, I GUESS YOU FEEL MY PAIN.

I'LL LIFT THE CURSE FROM YOU.

[thunder booming]

snap!

- HEY, WE'RE STILL GHOSTS.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THE CURSE WILL WEAR OFF WHEN MY BEARD GROWS BACK.

[both gasp]

- BUT WE WANT TO BE NORMAL NOW.

- WELL, I WANT TO BE ON MY DATE NOW.

BUT YOU KNUCKLEHEADS LOUSED THAT UP TOO.

[tinkling]

- WE'RE STILL GHOSTS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GO ON YOUR DATE?

- AND YOU CAN'T GO ON YOUR DATE BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY?

Both: MAKEOVER.

Boing!

Sproing!

[squishing]

[buzzing]

[squashing]

- [panting]

[buzzing]

- THANKS, FELLAS.

I LOVE THE NEW BEARD.

[giggles]

WELL, I'M OFF ON MY DATE.

DON'T WAIT UP.

[both chuckle]

- I DON'T GET IT.

- SEVERAL MONTHS LATER...

- WELL, HERE WE ARE SEVERAL MONTHS LATER.

I WONDER HOW THE DUTCHMAN AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND ARE DOING.

- I CAN'T DO IT.

SHE WANTS TO MARRY ME.

I AIN'T THE MARRYIN' TYPE.

[loud screeching]

AAAHHH!

Ding!

[tires squealing]

- AH, WHAT A DAY.

♪ LA-DA-DEE, LA-DA-DUM, LA-DA-DOO ♪

♪ LA-DA-DEE, LA-DA-DUM, LA-DA-DOO ♪

- GOOD MORNING, KRUSTY KRAB.

OH, SORRY, SQUIDWARD.

DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

- NOT A PROBLEM, SPONGEBOB.

NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL.

- SPECIALS? WE DON'T HAVE SPECIALS.

[heavy grating]

[thumping]

[baby screaming]

[grating]

- GOOD MORNING, SIR.

WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB.

- [breathy hissing]

I THINK I'LL HAVE A KRABBY PATTY.

Thwap!

- [groans]

OOH.

ONE KRABBY PATTY COMIN' UP.

- MR. SQUIDWARD, YOU'RE IN A CHIPPER MOOD THIS MORNIN'.

DID YOU GET AN ORDER OF FANCY DECORATIVE SOAPS

IN THE MAIL OR SOMETHIN'?

- EVEN BETTER.

I HAVE A CLARINET RECITAL

IMMEDIATELY AFTER WORK TODAY,

SO AIN'T NOTHING GONNA RUIN MY DAY.

[baby cooing]

- OOH, OOH, TERRIBLY SORRY, SIR.

- NO NEED.

SEE? NOT A DROP.

[splatting]

[growls]

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

- I TOLD YOU. THERE'S NO EARLY BIRD SPECIAL.

NOW, STOP CALLIN' ME HERE, MOTHER.

- THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.

- WHAT? - THIS.

- NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK, SQUIDWARD.

- THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

I WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE MY PERSONAL ITEMS BEING SOILED

BY THE RABBLE THAT CRAWLS INTO THIS RESTAURANT.

I DEMAND A PLACE TO PUT MY STUFF.

- HMM. OKAY.

I SUPPOSE YOU COULD PUT IT WITH THE NACHO CHEESE.

NO ONE'S GONE NEAR THAT IN YEARS.

- YOU EVER READ THIS, KRABS?

- BIKINI BOTTOM LABOR REGULATIONS?

EW, GROSS!

GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME.

IT'S GIVIN' ME HIVES.

- IT SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT ALL EMPLOYERS

MUST PROVIDE HIS OR HER EMPLOYEES

WITH A SECURE, CLEAN PLACE TO STORE PERSONAL PROPERTY.

- AH, BLAST YOU, SQUIDWARD.

YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.

I GUESS I COULD RUSTLE SOMETHING UP FOR YOU.

- YEAH, SIZZLE THOSE JUICES.

[makes sizzling sound]

- [muttering]

OH, HERE WE GO.

FOUND IT.

- WOW. WHAT IS IT?

- IT'S ME OLD NAVY LOCKER.

GOOD AS NEW.

- WHO'S THAT, MR. KRABS?

- THAT APPEARS TO BE CORPORAL STERLING, LAD.

I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT PRANK.

SQUIDWARD, YOUR LOCKER'S READY.

- OOH, DO WE GET TO SHARE THIS LOCKER LIKE WE SHARE HAIRNETS?

- NOT IN A WHALE'S AGE.

- NOW, NOT SO FAST, MR. SQUIDWARD.

THE LAW REQUIRES THAT ALL EMPLOYEES

HAVE A SECURE PLACE FOR PERSONAL ITEMS.

SO YOU ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO SHARE.

- OH, I SUPPOSE I CAN SHARE,

BUT ONLY SINCE IT'S REQUIRED BY LAW.

HEY, THIS THING IS FILTHY.

YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO CLEAN IT.

- NO, HE DOESN'T.

AND I DON'T EITHER.

[coughing]

[sucking sound]

[water rushing]

[sparkling sound]

- BLIMEY. SHE HASN'T SPARKLED LIKE THIS SINCE BOOT CAMP.

CARRY ON, BOYS.

- IMPRESSIVE INDEED.

JUST KEEP YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS TO YOUR SIDE.

- YOU GOT IT, SQUIDWARD.

FINALLY I HAVE A CLEAN PLACE TO STORE MY TOOTHBRUSH.

- JUST DON'T TOUCH MY CLARINET.

- I PROMISE NOTHING UNTOWARD WILL HAPPEN.

- ORDER UP, SPONGEBOB.

SPONGEBOB, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRY COOKING.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY STUFF.

- I DIDN'T.

I WORE PROTECTIVE GLOVES.

AND BESIDES, DON'T YOU LIKE HOW CLASSY IT LOOKS NOW?

- VELVET?

- NOW, I'D LIKE TO STAND BY AND IDLY CHAT WITH YOU, SQUIDWARD,

BUT I MUST ATTEND TO MY KRUSTY KRAB DUTIES.

IN THE FUTURE, PLEASE KEEP YOUR INTERRUPTIONS

TO A MINIMUM, SIR, PLEASE.

- AND HERE IS YOUR CHANGE, MA'AM.

WHAT IS THAT IDIOT DOING NOW?

[clattering]

- LOOSE CHANGE.

[shouting]

- AAAAARRRR!

[apelike hooting]

[roaring]

- I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO SHOVE THOSE BOXES

INTO THAT LOCKER.

- TOO LATE. IT'S ALREADY DONE.

- IF YOU SMASHED MY CLARINET, SO HELP ME, NEPTUNE, I WILL...

- DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD. THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM.

I EXPANDED A BIT.

- WELL, IT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY, BUT WHERE'S MY CLARINET?

- WELL, THAT'S SIMPLE.

WE JUST SIMPLY CONSULT THE CARD CATALOG

AND FIND SQUIDWARD'S CLARINET, DRAWER 36.8-B.

SEE?

- FINE, BUT REMEMBER,

IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT THAT NOTHING HAPPENS TO IT.

- NO WORRIES, BUDDY.

YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS.

- EAT UP.

[drill whirring, hammer pounding]

WHAT'S HE DOING?

[drilling and cranking]

- MAY I ORDER, PLEASE?

- ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- I'LL HAVE...

[drill whirring]

EVERYTHING OKAY BACK THERE?

- YEAH, JUST A BIT OF, UM, RENOVATION.

[sawing and banging]

[saw buzzing]

MY CLARINET.

SPONGEBOB.

SPONGE...

SPONGEBOB?

THERE, 36.8-B.

A NOTE?

- "ITEM HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY MOVED DURING RECONSTRUCTION.

RELOCATED TO SHELF 1,018.2-E."

- SPONGEBOB.

1,018.2-E.

ANOTHER NOTE?

- "OOPS. DID I SAY 1,018.2-E?

"I MEANT 2,019.3-M.

SORRY."

- SPONGEBOB?

SPONGEBOB?

- [laughing]

- SPONGEBOB, WAIT.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY...

- [giggling]

- SPONGEBOB, I DO NOT PLAY GAMES.

[gasps]

WHERE AM I?

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

[clicking]

MY CLARINET.

WHAT THE...

- [laughing]

- HEY, COME BACK. I NEED MY CLARINET.

COME BACK.

WHERE ARE YOU?

SPONGEBOB... OOF.

- I AM THE KEEPER OF THE HORNED FOREST.

STATE YOUR BUSINESS HERE.

- I... I'M TRYING TO FIND MY CLARINET.

- YOUR CLARINET?

- YES, MY CLARINET,

OF WHICH I AM THE PROUD OWNER.

- [laughs]

A CLARINET IS NOT OWNED.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHY YOU'RE REALLY HERE?

- YOU CALLIN' ME A LIAR?

- I DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR TONE.

- I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU.

- THIS IS A SACRED PLACE

WHERE CLARINETS CAN LIVE WITHOUT PERSECUTION.

YOU NEED TO LEARN RESPECT.

- [groaning] I'VE LEARNED.

I'VE LEARNED RESPECT.

- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

- AAAHHH!

[splashing]

[gasps]

[coughs]

- [laughing]

- STAND STILL, YOU IDIOT.

- [laughing]

- I GOT YOU NOW.

[grunting]

AHA.

WHAT THE...

SPONGEBOB?

SPONGEBOB?

- [laughing]

- [snickering]

[sniffs]

HA-HA-HA.

GAH.

- AAAHH!

[clarinets playing]

[blasting sound]

[grunting]

ding!

- I WIN! I WIN!

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- YOU TELL ME, WHAT IN THE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS THIS PLACE?

AND HOW DID YOU GET SO BIG?

- HMM, MUST BE ALL THE PRESSURE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- IT MUST BE...

THE PRESSURE.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING, YOU IMBECILE?

- [laughing]

[sucking sound]

[explosion]

[laughing]

[laughing]

- ALMOST GOT YOU.

OOF. OOF.

[splattering]

- [laughing]

I JUST SWEET-TALKED AN OLD LADY

OUT OF 20 BUCKS FOR A KRABBY PATTY.

[laughs]

- [moaning]

- SQUIDWARD, ARE YOU OKAY?

- [babbling incoherently]

SUCH A NIGHTMARE.

- SQUIDWARD, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, BUDDY?

- [coughs]

I TRIED TO GET MY CLARINET IN THERE.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

- CLARIN... OH, YOU MEAN THIS.

- [gasps] WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

- WELL, WITH ALL THE RUCKUS YOU WERE MAKING OVER IT,

I KEPT IT WITH ME JUST TO MAKE SURE IT WAS SAFE.

- [growls]

- CALL IT A FRIENDLY GESTURE.

- I'LL SHOW YOU A FRIENDLY GESTURE.

DO YOU KNOW THE HORROR I'VE ENDURED?

LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!

Crash!

[tires squealing]

AH.

- ARE YOU READY, MR. SQUIDWARD?

- YES, YES, I AM.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET...

GAAHHH!

- HI, SQUIDWARD.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET HERE.

- AHHHHHHHHHHH!

- HUH, I WAS JUST GOING TO BRING HIM HIS CLARINET.

[lilting ukulele music]

♪

[kids laughing]