Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

All: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

All: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- ♪ OHH... ♪

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

All: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

- CAN I HELP YOU?

- YEAH.

OH, LET'S SEE HERE.

I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE KRABBY KIDDIE MEAL.

IS IT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY CUTE?

- ADORABLE.

- CUTER THAN A REGULAR KRABBY PATTY?

- YES. - PSSST!

PATRICK, GET THE KRABBY KIDDIE MEAL.

LOOK, A REGULAR KRABBY PATTY HERE.

A KRABBY KIDDIE PATTY HERE.

30% CUTER, AND IT ONLY COSTS $1 MORE.

- OH! OH, YEAH!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! I WANT THAT!

- THAT'LL BE $4.99.

- IS THIS ENOUGH?

- NO.

- SORRY, PATRICK.

- OH, CRUD!

THAT'S EVERYTHING I GOT!

[sobbing]

- I HAVE AN IDEA.

WE CAN BUY IT TOGETHER AND SHARE IT.

- SHARE IT? - SURE.

YOU SEE, SHARING IS THE MOST WONDERFUL...

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT OF SHARING.

Ding!

SHARING IS FUN!

HUH, SPONGEBOB?

- OH, YEAH.

- [grinding sound]

- ARE YOU GONNA SAVE SOME OF THAT FOR ME?

- WHAT? - NOTHING.

- HEY, WHERE'S THE TOY?

- OH, IT DOESN'T COME WITH A TOY.

- WHAT? THAT'S A RIP-OFF!

I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

- [gasps]

MONEY BACK?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE?

- MY KIDDIE MEAL DIDN'T COME WITH A TOY.

- HMM.

AND YOU'D LIKE TO UPGRADE TO THE TOY PACKAGE.

IS THAT RIGHT?

- MR. KRABS, THE KRUSTY KRAB DOESN'T HAVE ANY TOYS.

- OH, REALLY?

THEN WHAT DO YOU CALL... THIS?

[both gasp]

- AN OFFICIAL KRUSTY KRAB LICENSED TOY?

MY PURPOSE IN LIFE

IS TO HAVE YOU AS MY TOY.

- YEESH.

DISGUSTING.

[clears throat]

YEP, IT'S PRETTY SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT.

AND IT CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY...

Ding!

HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.

- I LOVE YOU, OFFICIALLY LICENSED KRABBY PATTY TOY.

NO, TOO FORMAL.

I THINK I'LL CALL YOU...

OH, PATTY PAL!

[laughs]

[humming]

[laughing]

- AM I INTERRUPTING?

- OH, HEY, PATRICK.

HAVE YOU MET MY NEW TOY?

- DON'T YOU MEAN OUR NEW TOY?

- OUR NEW TOY?

- IT CAME FROM THE MEAL THAT WE'RE...

[clears throat] "SHARING."

- SHARING? - REMEMBER?

"SHARING IS THE MOST WONDERFUL FEELING IN THE WORLD,

"LIKE DANCING WITH A MAGICAL SEA HORSE

THROUGH AN ENCHANTED KELP GARDEN."

REMEMBER THOSE WORDS, SPONGEBOB?

- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

BUT I GUESS WE CAN SHARE PATTY PAL.

- [laughing]

- NOW CAN I SEE IT AGAIN, PATRICK?

- WHAT?

I THOUGHT WE WERE SHARING IT.

- WHEN'S MY TURN?

- AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING?

- [laughs nervously]

OF COURSE.

NOW IS IT MY TURN?

- NO.

- HOW 'BOUT NOW? - NAH.

MAYBE TOMORROW.

- [sighs]

NIGHT-NIGHT, PATTY PAL.

- NO TOUCHING!

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

SAY GOOD NIGHT, PATTY PAL.

GOOD NIGHT, SPONGEBOB.

- GOOD NIGHT.

Foomp!

POOR PATRICK.

HE'S ONLY GOT THE PATTY PAL FOR TONIGHT,

AND HE'LL BE ASLEEP

AND WON'T GET TO PLAY WITH IT AT ALL!

[laughs]

[bouncy electronic music]

♪ ♪

[foghorn blares]

- [yowls]

- YES!

TODAY IS MY PATTY PAL DAY!

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!

- [meows]

- GARY, OF COURSE PATRICK

WILL GIVE ME MY TURN WITH THE PATTY PAL.

- [meows]

- GARY, YOU CAN BE A REAL NEGATIVE NANCY.

- [meows]

- I HEARD THAT.

♪ LA LA, SHARING ♪

♪ DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO, CARING ♪

♪ TAKING TURNS, DA DOO-DOO-DOO YA CHA-CHA ♪

[bouncy electronic music]

[knocks]

GOOD MORNING, PATRICK.

- HUH?

I'M NOT HOME RIGHT NOW!

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE!

BEEP!

- PATRICK, IT'S ME, SPONGEBOB.

IT'S MY TURN TO PLAY WITH THE TOY.

- I CAN'T GO OUT!

I JUST WASHED MY HAIR!

- YOU DON'T HAVE ANY... COME ON OUT, PATRICK!

IT'S MY TURN!

- GOT ANY I.D.?

- I HAVE MY MILK SHAKE DISPENSER OPERATOR'S LICENSE.

[cow moos]

- HUH.

LOOKS FAKE TO ME, PAL.

BYE-BYE, NOW.

- WELL, I GUESS I HAD BEST BE GOING.

I'M WALKING AWAY.

HERE I GO.

I'M GONE NOW.

- ARE YOU SURE?

- PRETTY SURE.

HI, PATRICK!

TIME TO SHARE!

- DECEIVER!

YOU DIDN'T LEAVE AT ALL!

- OH, AND YOU WERE WASHING YOUR HAIR?

- I WAS TOO.

SEE?

- [groans] HEE-YUP!

- NICE DISMOUNT.

- I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT.

- WELL, GOT TO GO.

- HOLD ON, BUSTER!

[skidding sound]

HAND OVER THE TOY.

IT'S MY TURN.

- I CAN'T.

PATTY PAL AND ME HAVE REALLY BONDED.

- [gasps]

OH, GARY WAS SO RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE A NON-SHARER!

- GARY SAID THAT?

YOU'RE OFF MY FRIEND LIST, GARY!

- [meows casually]

- HAND IT OVER, PATRICK.

I GET TO PLAY WITH THE PATTY PAL TODAY.

- YOU CAN'T TAKE IT.

IT'S NOT FAIR!

- HOW 'BOUT I ONLY TAKE IT FOR HALF A DAY?

- MM-MM!

- HOW 'BOUT WE TRADE OFF EVERY HOUR?

- MM-MM!

- EVERY HALF HOUR? - MM-MM!

- EVERY 15 MINUTES? - MM-MM!

- FIVE MINUTES? - MM-MM!

- ONE MINUTE?

- N-N-NO!

- OKAY, MY FINAL OFFER:

WE TRADE OFF EVERY SECOND.

- ONE!

- ONE!

- ONE!

[train horn blowing]

[door slams]

[door slams]

- [slurping]

- [yelling]

- [screaming]

- [slurping]

[both yelling and crashing]

[glass shatters]

- I HATE THEM.

[both yelling]

- HOWDY, PATRICK, SPONGEBOB.

Both: HI, SANDY.

- WHAT IN TARNATION'S GOING ON WITH YOU TWO?

- SPONGEBOB WON'T LET ME PLAY WITH MY TOY!

- PATRICK WON'T SHARE OUR TOY!

- WHAT YOU NEED IS A MEDIATOR.

Y'ALL BEST SIT DOWN AND WORK THIS OUT.

NOW, THE MAIN PROBLEM IN AN ARGUMENT

IS A LACK OF COMMUNICATION.

YOU CAN ONLY RESOLVE CONFLICT WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

SO I WANT EACH OF YOU TO STATE

WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO EACH OF YOU RIGHT NOW.

[both gasping] WATER!

[both panting]

- WHOO! - HOO, BOY!

- THAT MEDIATOR LADY MADE SOME GOOD POINTS.

- MOST DEFINITELY.

- IT TAKES UNDERSTANDING.

- COMMUNICATION IS KEY.

- [yells]

- [grunting]

[brakes squeal]

[both yelling]

[both yelling]

- GIMME!

[both yelling]

GIMME!

[tires squeal]

[tires screech]

[both yelling]

GIMME!

GIMME!

[both yelling]

- GIVE IT! - IT'S MINE!

[both yelling]

- IT'S MY TURN!

- NO, IT'S MINE!

- MINE!

[both yelling]

- IF I CAN'T HAVE IT,

NO ONE CAN!

Chomp!

Gulp!

AH.

- NO!

- AVAST, THERE, LADDIES.

WHAT'S ALL THIS RUCKARUS ABOUT NOW?

- IT'S OUR KRABBY PATTY TOY, MR. KRABS,

AND PATRICK ATE IT SO THAT I COULDN'T PLAY WITH IT.

- SPONGEBOB WON'T LET ME PLAY WITH IT.

- ONLY BECAUSE YOU HOGGED IT ALL NIGHT.

- I DID NOT! - DID TOO!

- NUH-UH.

- OH, YOU TOY EATER! - TATTLETALE!

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, THERE.

NOW, SETTLE DOWN.

ALL THIS BRAWLING IS OVER A TOY?

YOU TWO SHOULDN'T LET A LITTLE TRINKET

GET BETWEEN YOUSE.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

IF I GAVE EACH OF YOU ANOTHER TOY,

WOULD THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?

Both: YES.

- WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK!

YOU TWO SEEMED SO THRILLED WITH THE TOY,

I HAD AN ENTIRE CASE OF 'EM MADE.

THEY BEEN SELLING LIKE HOTCAKES.

THAT'LL BE $13.50 EACH.

- THIS TIME, IT'S ON ME.

- PATRICK, THAT'S MY MONEY.

- HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT SHARING?

- SPONGEBOB, ONE EXTRA LARGE ORDER OF SEA FRIES.

- AND?

- PLEASE.

- NOW, THAT WASN'T SO HARD, WAS IT?

- YES. YES, IT WAS.

- ONE LARGE SEA FRIES COMING UP.

[popping sounds]

[splashing]

ding!

YAY!

- ONE LARGE SEA FRIES, EXTRA WEIRD.

- SPONGEBOB!

PLEASE REPORT TO ME OFFICE.

NOW, LISTEN UP, SON.

I'VE CALLED YOU HERE ON OFFICIAL KRUSTY KRAB BUSINESS.

EVERY YEAR, ME FELLOW CHEAPSKATE CRABS

MEET TO DISCUSS NEW WAYS OF BEING STINGY IN THE WORKPLACE,

BUT MORE THAN THAT,

THEY BESTOW THE AWARD FOR CHEAPEST CRAB,

AND THIS YEAR, I'VE BEEN NOMINATED.

- [muttering]

CRABS... NOMINATED... AWARD...

AWARD?

- SO I'LL BE OUT OF TOWN FOR THE AWARD CEREMONY,

AND YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

- ROAD TRIP!

- ON THIS TRIP, I'M GONNA TEACH YOU

ALL ME CHEAPSKATE KNOWLEDGE

LIKE YOU WERE THE SON I NEVER WANTED.

- OOH, CAN I CALL YOU DADDY?

- NO. - PA?

- NO. - POP?

- NO. - PAPA?

- NO. - MY OLD MAN?

- NO. - DADDYKINS?

- MAYBE. - GRAMPY JOE?

Smack! - NO.

NOW, THIS'LL BE A GREAT LEARNING EXPERIENCE FOR YOU,

SO KEEP YOUR BRAIN PEELED.

- CAN DO, MR. KRABS.

- AND IN THE TRADITION OF THE EVENT,

WE ARE REQUIRED TO TRAVEL CHEAPLY,

AND I'M GONNA TEACH YOU THE CHEAPEST WAY TO DO IT.

- [grunting]

HEAVE!

[grunts]

pop!

Foomp!

- ATTENTION, CHEAPSKATE ATTENDEES.

I, EUGENE KRABS, HAVE ONLY SPENT ON ME TRAVEL

THE PRICE OF A 1¢ STAMP!

[cheers]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

I'D LIKE TO SEE SOMEONE TOP THAT.

Pop!

[shrieks]

CHINTZY MCGEE?

- THANKS FOR LETTING ME HITCH A RIDE, KRABS.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO SPEND A PENNY ON TRAVEL.

All: OOH!

- SNAP!

- BETTER WISH HIM LUCK, KID.

HE'LL NEED IT.

- GOOD LUCK, MR. KRABS!

- COME ON.

- YOUR ROOM, SIR.

- YOU SEE THAT, LADDIE?

THE OUTSTRETCHED HAND IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST DANGERS

TO BECOMING A TRUE CHEAPSKATE.

HE WANTS A TIP.

- WHAT'S A TIP?

- IT MEANS HE WANTS MONEY FOR NOTHING.

NOW, WATCH CLOSELY.

Ting!

THERE YOU ARE, LAD.

- WOW. A QUARTER.

YOU, SIR, ARE A REAL CHEAPSKATE.

- WHY, THANK YOU.

NOW, WATCH CLOSELY, BOY.

YOU GIVE IT A LITTLE LEAD

AND THEN SNATCH IT BACK.

- OH, LIKE I HAVEN'T ALREADY SEEN THAT GAG TEN TIMES...

TODAY.

- [laughing]

GO AHEAD. GIVE IT A TRY.

- AYE, AYE, SIR.

Ting!

HERE YOU ARE, SONNY,

A NICE SHINY QUARTER.

- [growls]

- GO ON, BOY.

YOUR QUARTER'S GETTING AWAY.

- [grunts]

crunch!

- QUIT FOOLING AROUND.

I GOT AN AWARD TO WIN.

[stretching noise]

snap!

Pop!

- MY QUARTER!

- HI, FELLERS.

[laughs]

[laughter]

- ARR, ARR, ARR, ARR, ARR.

- YOU STILL KNOW THE CHEAPSKATE HANDSHAKE?

- OF COURSE.

Both: PENNY PINCHING, PENNY PINCHING.

- WHOO!

- WHOO!

Both: CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP.

[sigh]

- I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE ME FRY COOK, SPONGEBOB.

I'VE BEEN GIVING HIM SOME POINTERS.

- AH, TRAINING HIM IN THE CHEAPSKATE ARTS, EH?

YOU'RE LEARNING FROM THE MASTER, KIDDO.

- I COOK KRABBY PATTIES.

- YES, SURE, YOU DO.

LATER, KRABS.

- LAD, YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY STINGY WISDOM,

SO TRY TO PICK UP SOME POINTERS,

BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LEND ANYONE MONEY.

- 25, 26...

Ding!

- LET'S MINGLE.

[microphone feedback squeals]

- ATTENTION, PENNY-PINCHERS!

[snapping]

- WHAT? WHAT'D HE SAY? WHAT?

[snapping] OH!

[laughter]

- PENNY-PINCHERS.

- IT'S TIME TO AWARD THE TROPHY

FOR THIS YEAR'S CHEAPEST CRAB.

AND THE NOMINEES ARE:

EUGENE KRABS IN SIGN OF THE TIMES.

[all gasp]

- HUH? - $1 PER FOOTSTEP?

- I CAN'T AFFORD THAT.

[angry muttering]

- HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?

Ding! ding! ding!

- [laughing]

[cheers and applause]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

- GOOD STUFF!

- NEXT UP IS BEUFORD BARGAIN BOTTOM

IN CONVENIENCE STORE CAPER.

Beep! beep! beep!

- UH, YOU CHARGED ME THREE TIMES.

- YEAH, THREE TIMES THE FLAVOR,

THREE TIMES THE PRICE.

[cheers and applause]

- AND DWIGHT T. WAD IN TYING UP LOOSE ENDS.

[cheers and applause]

- AW, JEEZ.

I DIDN'T THINK THE COMPETITION WOULD BE SO STIFF THIS YEAR.

I'M GONNA NEED YOUR HELP ON THIS ONE.

[whispering]

- WELL, THAT'S HIGHLY UNCONVENTIONAL, BUT OKAY.

WE WILL NOW HEAR A TESTIMONY

FROM A KRUSTY KRAB EMPLOYEE.

- I NEED YOU TO TESTIFY ABOUT HOW CHEAP I AM,

SO IF YOU NEED TO DO A LITTLE EXAGGERATING...

YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT, ARE YOU?

- MM-MM.

- EXAGGERATING IS LIKE TELLING THE TRUTH,

ONLY WITH LITTLE LIES SPRINKLED IN

TO MAKE IT TRUE... ER.

- YOU'RE TEACHING ME TO LIE?

LYING IS WRONG, MR. KRABS.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

EXAGGERATING IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM LYING.

YOU'RE TAKING THE TRUTH

AND JUST SEASONING IT WITH LITTLE LIES.

I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT SALT ON A KRABBY PATTY,

IT DOESN'T MAKE IT A "SALTY PATTY," DOES IT?

- NO?

- WELL, GOOD ENOUGH.

JUST MAKE SURE YOU EXAGGERATE ENOUGH

FOR ME TO WIN.

[microphone feedback squeals]

- UM, MR. KRABS HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY...

THE VERY...

VERY RED.

Smack!

- EXAGGERATE!

- OH... BLUE!

- NO, ABOUT ME BEING CHEAP.

- UM, MR. KRABS IS... IS... IS A VERY GENEROUS EMPLOYER.

[all gasp]

- NO, NO, NO, NO, EXAGGERATE THE OTHER WAY!

- DE-EXAGGERATE, UM...

HE'S NOT DOING IT FOR THE MONEY.

HE IS DOING IT FOR HIS LOYAL EMPLOYEES.

- OH, HOW CAN HE LIVE WITH HIMSELF?

- GET OUT. - JUST DISGUSTING.

- VACATION TIME, REGULAR RAISES, PROFIT SHARING:

TO MR. KRABS, THESE ARE JUST LITTLE GIFTS

THAT HE'S GLAD TO GIVE US

SO THAT HE CAN SEE THE LOOK ON OUR FACES

WHEN HE HANDS US OUR PAYCHECK.

- GAH!

- WE'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

DISQUALIFIED!

- [bawling]

- MR. KRABS, YOU LEFT SOME BITTER TEARS ON THE NIGHTSTAND.

- [sniffs]

THANKS.

- CHEER UP, MR. KRABS.

YOU MAY NOT HAVE WON THE AWARD,

BUT YOU'VE TAUGHT THIS SPONGE A LOT ABOUT STINGINESS.

OOH!

I ALMOST FORGOT TO PACK THESE HOTEL TOILETRIES!

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THESE HOTEL TOWELS.

- BUT ISN'T THAT STEALING?

- STEALING?

PBBBBBBT!

WE'RE EXAGGERATING.

- [laughs]

WELL, COULD WE EXAGGERATE THIS PILLOW TOO?

- WELL, ONLY IF YOU HELP ME

EXAGGERATE THIS AIR CONDITIONER.

- [laughs]

SURE, BOY.

BUT WHY NOT EXAGGERATE THE WHOLE WALL?

[laughter]

[both grunting]

[water gushing]

rip!

[laughter]

[cracking]

WELL, I DIDN'T WIN THE AWARD,

BUT IT'S BEEN NICE EXAGGERATING WITH YOU, BOY.

[laughter]

- DO YOU HAVE ANY HOTEL PROPERTY IN THIS BAG?

- PREPOSTEROUS.

THIS IS ALL MINE.

Pop!

- [laughs]

LOOKS LIKE HE BIT OFF MORE THAN HE COULD CHEW.

[rumbling]

[explosion]

- [gasps]

YOU LIFTED THE ENTIRE HOTEL ROOM?

- AH-AH! EXAGGERATED.

[applause]

[cheers and applause]

- THAT IS THE STINGIEST DISPLAY I HAVE EVER SEEN.

I DECLARE YOU THE NEW WINNER!

- [laughs]

- SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

Pop!

- THANKS FOR RUINING EVERYTHING SO I COULD WIN.

PUT HER THERE, SPONGEBOB, ME BOY.

- SURE.

Pop!

OOP.

[laughter]

[lilting ukulele music]

♪ ♪

[kids laughing]