Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- ¶ OHH... ¶

¶ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ¶

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ¶ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ¶

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ¶ NOW, IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ¶

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- ¶ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ¶

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - OW!

all: SPONGEBOB!

- COME ON!

all: SPONGEBOB! - EVERYBODY!

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

¶ ¶

- [laughing]

¶ ¶

[snoring and clock ticking]

[alarm clock rings]

- [meows]

[alarm clocks ringing]

[foghorn blares]

[clacking]

- GOOOOOD MORNING, GARY.

- [meows]

- A LITTLE OVERBOARD?

AND TAKE A CHANCE OF BEING LATE

FOR THE SINGLE GREATEST DAY OF MY CAREER,

THE ELEVENTY-SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE KRUSTY KRAB?

HO-HO-HOOO.

I THINK NOT.

NO SELF-RESPECTING KRUSTY KRAB EMPLOYEE

WOULD BE LATE ON THIS DAY.

[alarm clocks ringing]

- [snorts] WHAT THE--

- SEE YOU AT THE BIG EVENT, SQUIDWARD.

OW.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S BEEN ELEVENTY-SEVEN YEARS ALREADY?

- [meows]

- OH, WATCH THE POTTY MOUTH, GARE.

TODAY IS A DAY FOR GENTLE REFLECTION.

[sighing] I REMEMBER MY FIRST VISIT TO THE KRUSTY KRAB.

- I DON'T KNOW.

THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A FAMILY RESTAURANT.

- OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK, BABY?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT HERE?

[bubbling]

[chuckles]

WELL, OKAY, THEN.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

- KWABBY PATTY.

- MMM. - WOW. WOW.

- MMM, YUMMY.

[sucking]

GOOD TIMES.

[alarm clock ringing]

OH, SORRY, GARY. WE CAN REMINISCE LATER.

I GOT TO GET READY.

- [hisses]

- ¶ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD HAVE A CHANCE LIKE THIS ¶

¶ WHAT DREAMS EXIST AS BIG AS THIS ONE? ¶

¶ IF HAPPINESS ARE PATTIES FRYING ON THE GRILL ¶

¶ I'LL HAVE MY FILL UPON EACH FRESH BUN ¶

¶ HERE'S A DAY THAT COULDN'T GET MUCH BETTER ¶

¶ IT IS THE GREATEST THAT'S EVER BEEN ¶

¶ IT'S SO COOL, I OUGHT TO WEAR A SWEATER ¶

¶ JUST TO HOLD ON TO THAT WARM FEELING ¶

¶ A MIRACLE IS SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T BELIEVE ¶

¶ YOU WILL RECEIVE, AND THEN IT HAPPENS ¶

¶ THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO CALL A MIRACLE ¶

¶ MY HEART IS FULL AND TOES ARE TAPPING ¶

¶ HERE'S A DAY THAT COULDN'T GET MUCH BETTER ¶

¶ IT IS THE GREATEST THAT'S EVER BEEN ¶

¶ IT'S SO COOL, I OUGHT TO WEAR A SWEATER ¶

¶ JUST TO HOLD ON TO THAT WARM FEELING ¶

¶ SURE, I KNOW IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT OF WORK ¶

¶ BUT HERE'S THE PERK I THINK I MUST SAY ¶

¶ WHEN YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY LOVE ¶

¶ AND SO PROUD OF, THEN WORK IS LIKE PLAY ¶

¶ HERE'S A DAY THAT COULDN'T GET MUCH BETTER ¶

¶ IT IS THE GREATEST THAT'S EVER BEEN ¶

¶ IT'S SO COOL, I OUGHT TO WEAR A SWEATER ¶

¶ JUST TO HOLD ON TO THAT WARM FEELING ¶

bonk!

- HEY, HEY, CHILL OUT, BUDDY.

WE ALL WANT TO GET INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

- BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WAIT IN LINE.

SORRY, BUT I CAN'T BE LATE TODAY.

- OOH. - OW.

- OOH. - WHAT THE--

- HEY. - AH.

- SORRY, EVERYONE, BUT MR. KRABS NEEDS ME.

[people shouting]

[all talking at once]

REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR.

- SIT DOWN, BOY.

- HAPPY ELEVENTY-SEVENTH, SQUIDWARD.

- TODAY'S A BIG DAY FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB.

SO I WANT YOUSE TO LISTEN UP.

[mechanical whirring]

IT'S A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR PLANKTON

TO TRY AND STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA.

[mechanical whirring]

- ISN'T THAT JUST THE KRUSTY KRAB?

- NO, IT'S A HOLOGRAPHIC PROJECTION OF THE KRUSTY KRAB.

I WANT YOU TWO TO WATCH ALL THE ENTRANCES.

- YOU MEAN THE FRONT DOOR AND THE BACK DOOR?

- THOSE ARE JUST THE ONES ON THE SURFACE.

THERE'S AN ENTIRE NETWORK

OF TUNNELS AND AIR DUCTS UNDERGROUND.

AND I WANT ALL EYES ON THE LOOKOUT.

- AYE, AYE, MR. KRABS.

[popping]

- RIGHT.

STUDY THIS MAP.

STAY EXTRA VIGILANT.

DON'T FALL ASLEEP ON THE JOB.

THAT MEANS YOU, SQUIDWARD.

- WHAT? I HAVE NEVER FALLEN ASLEEP ON DUTY.

- DON'T MAKE ME HAVE A FLASHBACK.

- [snoring]

[bubbling and snoring]

ALL RIGHT, POINT TAKEN.

- AND TO HELP WATCH OUT FOR PLANKTON,

I'VE HIRED SOME EXTRA SECURITY.

smack!

- YOU HIRED PATRICK?

- WHAT, YOU EXPECT ME TO SPEND MONEY ON A REAL SECURITY GUARD?

YOU'RE MY FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE, PATRICK.

SO LOOK OUT FOR ANY SUSPICIOROUS CHARACTERS.

- YES, SIR.

[grunting]

WHO ARE YOU? AND WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?

- [chuckles]

PLANKTON DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE.

- IT'S A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU.

1,003 TIMES I'VE ALMOST HAD THAT RECIPE,

AND 1,003 TIMES I'VE BEEN LAUNCHED BY THAT KRABS.

HE CELEBRATES ELEVENTY-SEVEN YEARS OF SUCCESS,

AND I'M LEFT WITH FOUR SCORE AND 40 FORTNIGHTS OF FAILURE.

I GIVE UP, KAREN.

KRABS HAS WON.

- WELL, YOU'LL NEVER GET THE FORMULA WITH THAT ATTITUDE.

MAYBE 1,004 WILL BE YOUR LUCKY NUMBER.

- OH, YEAH. YOU TRY GETTING LAUNCHED.

- OH, RIGHT, THE LAUNCHINGS.

I'VE GOT THEM ALL ON MY HARD DRIVE.

[baseball organ flourish]

¶ ¶

- OH!

- FORE!

- OW!

[sea horse whinnying]

AH!

AAAH!

OW!

OW!

OW!

[whistle blows]

- I'M TIRED TODAY, PLANKTON.

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO LAUNCH YOURSELF.

[mournful steel guitar music]

¶ ¶

- SPLAT.

[cries]

- [giggles]

- KAREN.

- I'M SORRY.

THAT LAST PART ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH.

- IT'S JUST NO USE.

- TODAY IS THE PERFECT DAY TO STEAL THE RECIPE.

KRABS WILL BE COMPLETELY DISTRACTED

BY ALL THE FESTIVITIES.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

- YOU REALLY THINK SO?

- OF COURSE I DO.

NOW, WHO'S MY BIG MAN?

- OH, KAREN.

- COME ON.

COME ON, WHO'S MY BIG STRONG MAN?

- I AM.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, GET OUT THERE AND STEAL THAT RECIPE.

- YES, MA'AM.

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

- NOW TO ADD SOME SPECIAL ANNIVERSARY DEALS TO THE MENU.

KRABBY PATTY: 20 BUCKS.

39 BUCKS, 30.

[laughs]

OH, NUMBER ZERO, HOW I LOVE YOU SO.

SPONGEBOB.

- YES, SIR.

- I'M PUTTING YOU IN CHARGE OF DECORATIONS.

- OH, BUT, MR. KRABS.

- YES, BOY?

- I THOUGHT YOU SAID I WOULD BE IN CHARGE OF DECORATIONS.

- WHAT? BUT YOU ARE.

- I AM?

YAAAY!

YEAH!

YEAH!

- SQUIDWARD, I HAD CHORES FOR YOU,

BUT YOU WON'T DO THEM ANYWAY.

- IT ONLY TOOK YOU ELEVENTY-SEVEN YEARS

TO FIGURE THAT OUT?

- HERE'S YOUR BUDGET, BOY.

DECORATE IT ANY WAY YOU WANT.

- WOW, 50ў.

- YOU'RE LETTING SPONGEBOB DECORATE?

REMEMBER ALL THE OTHER TIMES SPONGEBOB DECORATED?

all: HMM.

[upbeat banjo music]

[cows mooing]

- YEEEHAWWW!

[laughing]

[upbeat disco music]

DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?

[laughing]

[blipping space sounds]

[air sucking]

- AAAAAH!

- [laughing]

all: HMM.

- WELL, YOU WANT TO DO IT, THEN?

- NO. - THEN SHUT YOUR PORTHOLE.

- BATTENING DOWN THE WORD HATCHES, SIR.

[door slams]

[extravagant music]

¶ ¶

WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU...

- THERE WE GO.

[squirting]

[air hissing]

YOUR CHANGE, SIR.

- GOOD WORK, BOY.

WHAT, THAT'S IT?

DECORATIONS? CHECK.

SECURITY?

[shattering]

- [mumbles incoherently]

- CHECK.

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

ding!

- OKAY, OPEN YOUR EARS.

THESE PEOPLE HAVE COME FROM MILES AROUND

BECAUSE THEY LOVE MY PATTIES.

I WANT EVERY EMPLOYEE ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR.

- ARE YOU GETTING ANY OF THIS, SPONGEBOB?

- EVERY WORD, SQUIDWARD, EVERY WORD.

- SO LET'S GET OUT THERE AND SELL SOME KRABBY PATTIES.

- YES!

YEAHHHHHHHHHH!

OOH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

MR. KRABS, WAIT.

THERE'S ONE LAST DECORATION.

I PRESENT TO YOU...

I PRESENT TO YOU...

[groans]

- OH!

[wind whistling]

[all gasp]

- MY ODE TO THE KRABBY PATTY,

MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF ICE.

- JEEZ, BOY.

THIS THING'S ENORMOUS.

- AND COLD.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS THING OUT OF HERE.

ME CUSTOMERS ARE WAITING.

- READY.

SET.

[all grunting]

[door slams]

[all scream]

GUYS, I'M OKAY. NO NEED TO SCREAM.

[all scream]

- THE DOOR.

[metallic knocking]

- OH, NO. PATRICK, STAND UP.

WE'RE LOCKED IN.

THIS IS GONNA SPOIL THE ELEVENTY-SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY.

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

- SOMEBODY. ANYBODY.

I DON'T CARE WHO.

- HOW DO WE GET OUT? - EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.

I'VE SPENT A LIFETIME WORKING IN THIS RESTAURANT,

AND I KNOW THAT THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT OF HERE.

- A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA?

- NO.

THE AIR DUCT.

THIS WAY, BOYS.

- OOF.

- ALL WE GOT TO DO IS HEAD THROUGH THIS DUCT.

- WHICH ONE?

THERE MUST BE 20 WAYS TO GO.

- NOT TO WORRY, SQUIDWARD.

I HAVE THE ENTIRE MAP MEMORIZED.

[grunts]

[straining]

- UH, HMM, UH...

- HURRY UP, GUYS. THIS KIND OF HURTS.

- WELL, ACCORDING TO THE MAP,

WE JUST GO STRAIGHT, TAKE A RIGHT

BETWEEN THESE THREE MOLDY TREE STUMPS,

THEN HEAD TOWARDS THAT KIDNEY BEAN-SHAPED

PUDDLE OF GRAVY.

- THAT'S NOT THE MAP, YOU OLD BARNACLE.

THOSE ARE THREE MOLES AND A BIRTHMARK.

- OH.

ALL RIGHT, THEN LET'S TRY THIS ONE.

all: AAAH-OOF.

- IT'S THIS WAY.

[crashing and groaning]

- HERE IT IS.

all: AAAAH!

- OOF.

- OH.

- UH. - OOF.

- [groaning] OH.

EH? WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S AN OLD KRABBY PATTY WRAPPER.

AW, THAT TAKES ME BACK TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

- NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR.

- ¶ K-R-A-B-B-Y ¶

¶ P-A-T-T-Y ¶

- ¶ BAH-BOM-BOM-BOM-BOM ¶

- ¶ KRABBY PATTY, GIVE 'EM A TRY ¶

- ¶ COME ON DOWN AND BUY, BUY, BUY ¶

- ¶ NOT JUST ONE OR TWO OR THREE ¶

¶ BUT ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY ¶

- YES, FOLKS, NINE OUT OF TEN DOCTORS RECOMMEND EATING

AT LEAST ONE KRABBY PATTY A DAY

TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

AND A YOUTHFUL, POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

- I'M A DOCTOR, AS FAR AS YOU KNOW,

AND I BELIEVE KRABBY PATTIES ADD YEARS TO YOUR LIFE.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF A KRABBY PATTY.

OR BUY A SACKFUL OF KRABBIES.

OR BETTER YET, GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF A CASE OF THE KRABBIES

FOR YOUR HEALTH.

- ¶ K-R-A-B-B-Y ¶

¶ P-A-T-T-Y ¶

¶ KRABBY PATTY ¶

[cash register dings]

- [munching]

- AHH.

BACK THEN, A KRABBY PATTY ONLY COST A DIME.

IT WAS A DARK AND EVIL TIME.

I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES.

- [crying] WE'LL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE.

- DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD.

WE'LL FIND OUR WAY OUT.

AND THEN WE'LL HAVE

THE BEST ELEVENTY-SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY EVER.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS STICK TOGETHER.

- [panting]

- [growls] STOP BREATHING ON MY NECK.

BLECH.

- [inhales deeply]

MMM.

PAAAH.

[pants wildly]

- HEY, I THINK I SEE THE EXIT.

AH, BARNACLES, IT'S JUST THE SURVEILLANCE ROOM.

- OH, MY HOUSE IS ON TV.

- ALL OF OUR HOUSES ARE ON TV.

- [meowing]

- GARY THE SNAIL, YOU GET DOWN FROM THAT BED THIS INSTANT.

- HEY, THERE'S MY HOUSE.

- YOU LEFT YOUR TV ON.

- WELL, DUH.

I DON'T WANT TO MISS MY SHOWS.

- LOOK, IT'S SANDY.

- AAAH.

- MR. KRABS,

WHY DO YOU HAVE CAMERAS WATCHING US?

- OH, WELL, UH--EH--

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU ALL FLOSS AFTER EVERY MEAL.

- THANK YOU, MR. KRABS.

DENTAL HYGIENE IS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.

- HEY, WHO ARE THOSE GUYS?

- I THINK IT'S US, PATRICK.

BUT WHO ARE THEY?

[feedback whines]

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

- [gasps]

ME CUSTOMERS ARE GETTING ANTSY.

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

- [screams]

OOF.

OW.

[groaning]

- WE'RE GETTING WARM.

I CAN FEEL IT.

- THAT MIGHT JUST BE MY HAND, MR. KRABS.

- HMM, A CROSSROADS.

I'LL GO THIS WAY,

AND, SPONGEBOB, YOU LEAD THEM DOWN THAT WAY.

- LEAD THEM?

I CAN FINALLY USE MY LEADER HAT AND MY LEDERHOSEN.

- NICE.

- THOSE ARE JUST SOCK GARTERS, YOU IDIOT.

- FOLLOW ME.

- THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING.

[all grunting]

- GUYS, IT'S A DEAD END.

[all scream]

- IT'S PATCHY THE PIRATE'S SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FAN CLUB

BIG TIME IMPRESSIVE CELEBRITY TELEVISION EXTRAVAGANZA,

WITH CELEBRITY GUESTS:

BASKETBALL MASCOT THE 3-POINT FOWL,

THE GUY ON THE PENNY,

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN,

MUSICAL GUEST PINK,

SIR QUENTIN AND HIS LITTLE WOODEN SIDEKICK, MR. TINDER,

AND GUEST OF HONOR, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

FROM ENCINO, CALIFORNIA,

THE PRESIDENT OF THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FAN CLUB

AND YOUR HOST, PATCHY THE PIRATE.

[drumroll]

[bubbly big band music]

- [inhales wheezily]

¶ TEN YEARS... ¶

- BAWK! YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE WRONG CAMERA.

- ANYHOO, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, KIDS?

IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS SINCE I STARTED

THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FAN CLUB.

AND HE'S HERE IN PERSON. [giggles]

I'M FINALLY GONNA MEET ME IDOL.

HEH-HEH.

LET'S BRING HIM OUT NOW.

PLEASE WELCOME SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

HEH-HEH-HEH.

- SQUAWK. SQUAWK, SQUAWK, SQUAWK.

SQUAWK, SQUAWK, SQUAWK. BAWK!

- WHAAAAAT?

GRRR--WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT COMING?

TEN YEARS I BEEN PRESIDENTING HIS FAN CLUB.

NOW I THROW HIM A TELEVISION EXTRAVAGANZA,

AND HE CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO SHOW UP?

WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT.

[grunts]

[motor puttering]

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I GAVE UP MY HAWAIIAN VACATION FOR THIS.

- I REALLY LOVE YOUR MUSIC.

- REMIND ME TO MAKE MY AGENT WALK THE PLANK.

- BAWK! CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

- PASSAGE ON THE NEXT STEAMER OUT OF HERE?

- JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES. BAWK!

- WELL, THERE'S NO USE SITTING AROUND

LIKE A BUNCH OF BARNACLES

ON THE BOTTOM OF A DRY-DOCKED DINGHY.

LET'S DO SOME PRACTICING.

all: ARRRR.

- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

[ambling sea shanty music]

¶ OUR GUMS ARE BLACK ¶

¶ OUR TEETH ARE FALLING OUT ¶

¶ WE GOT SPOTS ON OUR BACKS ¶

¶ SO GIVE IT UP AND SHOUT ¶

all: ¶ WE GOT SCURVY ¶

- ¶ WE NEED SOME VITAMIN C ¶

all: ¶ WE GOT SCURVY ¶

- ¶ WE NEED A LEMON TREE ¶

all: ¶ WE GOT SCURVY ¶

- ¶ WE JUST CHILLIN' ON THE SEA ¶

¶ LET'S GET THIS SCURVY STARTED ¶

¶ A PIRATE AIN'T WORTHY ¶

¶ TILL HE GOT SOME SCURVY ¶

¶ SINCE YOU GOT YOUR SCURVY ON ¶

¶ YOU UNNERVE ME WHEN YOU SING THAT SONG ¶

¶ SCURVY ¶ - ¶ SCURVY ¶

- ¶ WE GOT SCURVY ¶ - ¶ SCURVY ¶

- ¶ WE GOT SCURVY ¶ - ¶ SCURVY ¶

- ¶ WE GOT SCURVY ¶ - ¶ SCURVY ¶

¶ ¶

[water splashing]

[dramatic orchestral music]

¶ ¶

- HEY.

[screams]

OH, THERE IT IS.

OH, I'M COMING FOR YOU, SQUAREPANTS.

[screams]

- [chomping]

- AAAH!

OOH.

OW.

[groaning]

[screaming]

OH.

PHEW, THANK NEPTUNE THAT'S OVER.

- [screaming] - UH-OH.

- OW.

[birds tweeting]

- SPONGEBOB?

AH, WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS RUIN MY PLANS?

- PLANKTON.

YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY RECIPE AGAIN.

- I--I DIDN'T, UH--

OKAY, FINE.

YOU CAUGHT ME.

YOU HAPPY NOW?

- YOU KNOW, THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME

MR. KRABS CONFIDED IN ME THE KRABBY PATTY RECIPE.

EH--OH, I DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU WITH MY SILLY OLD STORIES.

- OH, YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY BORE ME.

- WELL, OKAY.

MR. KRABS CALLED ME INTO HIS OFFICE.

- SPONGEBOB, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING HERE

FOR A WHILE NOW, SO I THINK I CAN TRUST YOU.

IT'S TIME I TOLD YOU.

- OH!

YOU MEAN--

- YES, THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA.

FOLLOW ME, SON.

WE NEED TO GO WHERE NO ONE WILL EVER HEAR US.

[dramatic music]

¶ ¶

[thunder booming]

[hawk screeching]

[wind whistling]

UGH.

WE FINALLY MADE IT.

QUICK, INTO ME OFFICE BEFORE ANYONE SEES US.

- WHAT?

YOU WENT IN A CIRCLE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST STAY IN THE KRUSTY KRAB?

- WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE WEREN'T FOLLOWED.

THEN MR. KRABS LEANED CLOSE AND WHISPERED THE RECIPE.

- YES? GO ON.

- NOW, REMEMBER, YOU CAN NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL.

- WAIT. WAIT. HOLD ON.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- MY PEN IS OUT OF INK.

[growls]

OKAY, OKAY, GO AHEAD.

- PLANKTON, YOU'LL NEVER GET ME FORMULA,

NOT EVEN IN A FLASHBACK.

[laughs]

- WAAAH!

OOF.

OW.

[groaning]

- SPONGEBOB, IF YOU HAD NEVER COME TO BIKINI BOTTOM,

THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING.

- SQUIDWARD, WHAT'S WITH THE CREEPY SMILE?

- I WAS JUST--HEE-HEE--

REMEMBERING THE WORLD BEFORE SPONGEBOB.

[giggles maniacally]

[yawns]

[water dripping]

[popping]

all: MORNING, SQUIDWARD.

[birds chirping]

- [sighs]

thwock!

GOOD MORNING, NOT SPONGEBOB.

[smooching]

[sighs]

- [laughs]

BUT, SQUIDWARD, YOU'RE GLAD I MOVED IN.

REMEMBER THAT DAY?

UH-UH.

NAH.

NO.

[hull creaking]

splash!

- [sighs]

- OKAY, WELL, THAT'S EVERY AVAILABLE HOUSE

IN BIKINI BOTTOM.

- MY SECRET GARDEN IS FINALLY DONE.

boom!

[door creaks open]

- OH, YEAH.

I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE.

[angelic singing and harp music]

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I'LL TAKE IT.

HI, NEIGHBOR.

I'M SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

AND WE'RE GOING TO BE BESTEST FRIENDS.

HEY, PATRICK, GUESS WHO JUST MOVED IN RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

- NEIGHBOR HUG.

- [groans]

[people chanting distantly] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

- [gasps] WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

[gasps]

CUSTOMERS.

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT TO SPEND MONEY.

- WHAT DO WE WANT?

all: KRABBY PATTIES.

- WHY DO WE WANT THEM?

all: TO SPEND MONEY.

- OH, NO.

ALL THAT LOOSE CHANGE OUT THERE

IS DRIVING ME WALLET MAD WITH MONEY LUST.

[wallet growling and panting]

POOR LITTLE GUY'S STARVING.

THERE YOU GO, BOY.

YOU'RE FREE.

GO TOWARDS THE MONEY, BOY.

TOWARDS THE MONEY.

- HEY, A WALLET.

AND THERE'S 50 BUCKS IN IT.

ALL RIGHT.

- HEY.

OH, NO.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

[crying]

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW.

- OH, IF ONLY SANDY WAS HERE.

SHE COULD HELP US.

- OH, HEY, MAYBE WE CAN USE THIS.

I BORROWED IT FROM SANDY'S TREE DOME.

IT MIGHT BE OUR WAY OUT OF HERE.

SHH, EVERYBODY QUIET.

HEY, SANDY, I GOT YOUR RADIO.

IF YOU WANT IT BACK, COME AND GET IT.

SHE'LL COME.

- OH, GIVE ME THAT.

[feedback squealing]

SANDY? COME IN, SANDY.

- SANDY CHEEKS HERE.

SO IT WAS YOU WHO STOLE MY OTHER RADIO, SQUIDWARD.

- WHAT? NO. I'M JUST--I--NO.

- AH! SANDY'S TRAPPED IN THAT BOX.

[shattering]

[electrical hissing]

SANDY?

- [growls]

- [sighs]

REMEMBER THE DAY SANDY AND I GOT MARRIED?

[all gasp]

- WHAT? - NO.

- I'M FREAKING OUT.

- MM-HMM.

[playing Wedding March]

¶ ¶

- FRIENDS, WE HAVE GATHERED HERE TODAY

TO JOIN THESE TWO HEARTS IN THE BONDS OF LOVE.

SPONGEBOB, DO YOU TAKE SANDY AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?

- I DO.

- AND, SANDY, DO YOU TAKE SPONGEBOB

AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

- AND HOW.

- WELL, THEN I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU

SPONGE AND SQUIRREL.

YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

[smooching]

[squeaking]

[crashing]

- BOO.

YOU STINK.

- WORST PLAY I'VE EVER SEEN.

AND A TOTAL RIP-OFF.

- HORRIBLE.

- WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE THEATER?

- LOUSY COSTUMES.

- THIS WAS A WASTE OF TIME.

- I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS A PLAY.

- WELL, KIDS, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE PART OF THE SHOW

WHERE SPONGEBOB AND I WERE GONNA WATCH OLD OUTTAKES

AND REJECTED SCENES AND TALK ABOUT 'EM.

[crying] BUT HE NEVER SHOWED UP.

[sobs]

AND NOW I'M STUCK IN THE BELLY OF A WHALE.

OH, WELL, WE ALREADY PAID FOR THE AIRTIME,

SO HERE THEY ARRR.

HELLO, CHILDREN.

YOU KNOW, LIKE ANY GREAT WORK OF ART,

SPONGEBOB DIDN'T JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE.

HE STARTED OUT AS A THOUGHT.

THEN HE EVOLVED INTO A PRIMITIVE RENDERING.

AND ALONG THE WAY TO BECOMING THE SPONGE

THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE,

HE WENT THROUGH MANY DIFFERENT CHANGES

AND PHASES

AND PHANGES.

AND CHANGE CAN BE VERY PAINFUL.

FOR INSTANCE, DID YOU KNOW THAT SPONGEBOB

WAS NOT THE FIRST CHOICE TO STAR IN THE SHOW?

[gasps] HARD TO BELIEVE, I KNOW.

WATCH THESE OPENING THEMES,

AND YOU'LL SEE WHY HE WAS EVENTUALLY PICKED.

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

- ¶ OHH... ¶

¶ WHO LIVES IN A MONUMENT UNDER THE SEA? ¶

all: ¶ SQUIDWARD TENTACLES ¶

- ¶ OBNOXIOUS, ABRASIVE, CONCEITED IS HE ¶

all: ¶ SQUIDWARD TENTACLES ¶

- ¶ IF PRACTICAL COMMON SENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ¶

all: ¶ SQUIDWARD TENTACLES ¶

- NEXT!

- ¶ OHH... ¶

¶ WHO LIVES LIKE A BARNACLE UNDER THE SEA? ¶

- ¶ PATRICK SEASTAR ¶

- [giggles]

OOH. AAH! OOH.

[glass shattering] [laughs maniacally]

- NOPE.

- ¶ OHH... ¶

¶ WHO LIVES IN AN ANCHOR UNDER THE SEA? ¶

all: ¶ EUGENE KRABS DOES ¶ - HEY.

- ¶ CRUSTY AND RED AND GREEDY IS HE ¶

- COME BACK WITH ME MONEY.

all: ¶ EUGENE KRABS DOES ¶

- ¶ IF STINGY AND GREEDY IS SOMETHING YOU WISH ¶

all: ¶ EUGENE KRABS DOES ¶ - GIVE ME. GIVE ME. GIVE ME.

- UGH.

PRETTY CRUDDY, HUH, KIDS?

HERE'S A REALLY OLD CLIP OF SPONGEBOB.

BACK THEN, CARTOONS WERE CALLED "FLICKERING FUNNIES."

[snoring]

all: TIME TO GO TO WORK.

- ¶ I'M READY, I'M READY TO GO TO WORK ¶

all: ¶ HE'S READY ¶ - ¶ READY ¶

all: ¶ HE'S READY ¶ - ¶ YEAH ¶

all: ¶ TO GO TO WORK ¶

¶ ¶

[ratcheting]

[whistling and clanging]

[boinging and clanging]

- HELLO, KRUSTY KRAB.

[whistles]

¶ I'M READY, I'M READY TO GO TO WORK ¶

all: ¶ HE'S READY, HE'S READY TO GO TO WORK ¶

¶ ¶

bonk!

- ¶ I'M READY, I'M READY TO GO TO WORK ¶

all: ¶ HE'S READY ¶ - ¶ I'M READY ¶

all: ¶ HE'S READY ¶ - ¶ READY ¶

all: ¶ TO GO TO WORK ¶

[film hissing]

- WHOA, HEY, KIDS,

JUST HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.

HEH-HEH-HEH.

WHOA!

HEY!

OH--OH, DON'T SNEEZE.

DON'T SNEEZE.

- AHH--AHH--ACHOO.

- [screaming]

[crashing]

OH. OOH.

[gasping]

[birds tweeting]

[gasps] THERE IT IS.

SPONGEBOB'S HOUSE.

OH, I FINALLY GET TO MEET ME HERO.

[metallic tapping]

- WELL, HELLO.

- [mumbles incoherently]

bonk!

- ARE YOU OKAY?

MISTER?

- MISTER, ARE YOU OKAY?

- SPONGEBOB?

- NAH, IT'S JUST ME, THE GUY ON THE PENNY.

- I'M NEVER GONNA SEE SPONGEBOB.

- [laughs]

- SPONGEBOB.

[all chanting] WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES.

- AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO CELEBRATE

THE KRUSTY KRAB'S ELEVENTY-SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY.

WE MISSED WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN THE GREATEST PARTY EVER.

- HMPH.

YOU GUYS READY TO GIVE UP?

- YES.

- YES.

- AND I'LL JUST WRITE MYSELF DOWN HERE FOR GIVING UP TOO.

UH, SPONGEBOB?

- NO, PATRICK. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP.

- OOH, I KNOW.

LET'S JUST SAY OUR TEARFUL FAREWELLS AND SOLEMN LAST WORDS.

- I DIDN'T MAKE ANY MONEY.

[sobbing]

- I NEVER MADE ANYONE SICK WITH ENVY.

[sobbing]

- I DIDN'T GET TO SLEEP IN THIS MORNING.

[sobbing]

- GUYS, WE CAN'T GIVE UP NOW.

WE GOT INTO THIS MESS TOGETHER,

AND WE'LL GET OUT OF IT THE SAME WAY.

- THROUGH THE FREEZER?

- NO, BY USING OUR HEADS.

- TO CONCOCT AN ELABORATE ESCAPE PLAN?

- [gasps] NO, AS A BATTERING RAM.

[metal crashing]

HUP.

[panting frantically]

- OWIE. - OW.

- OW.

- OWIE. - OW.

- OW.

- OWIE. - OW.

- OW.

- OKAY.

THIS IS THE ONE.

FEEL VERY GOOD ABOUT THIS.

OKAY.

READY?

crash!

- OH, BOY. WE MADE IT OUT.

WHOO-HOO!

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

COME ON IN, FOLKS.

NO NEED TO SHOVE, PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL YOUR MONEY.

I, UH--AHH!

WHERE ARE ALL ME CUSTOMERS?

THEY LEFT?

WITH ALL THEIR MONEY?

[sobs]

- WE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT FOR NOTHING?

- OH, IT WASN'T FOR NOTHING, SQUIDWARD.

I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH MY BEST FRIENDS:

YOU, SQUIDWARD, AND YOU, PATRICK.

- WHAT NOW?

- AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE MAN WHO MADE IT ALL POSSIBLE,

MR. KRABS.

WHAT COULD BE BETTER?

- [crying]

MONEY.

- ¶ OHHH ¶

- OH, NO, HE'S NOT GONNA SING.

- ¶ OH, KRUSTY KRAB, OH, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ OH, HOW I LOVE YOU, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ YOUR KRABBY PATTIES FROM THE GRILL ¶

¶ THE SMELL OF GREASE GIVES ME A THRILL ¶

¶ OH, KRUSTY KRAB, OH, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ OH, HOW I LOVE YOU, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ WITH PRICES HIGH AND PORTIONS SMALL ¶

¶ THERE'S STAINS OF MUSTARD ON THE WALL ¶

¶ OH, KRUSTY KRAB, OH, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ OH, HOW I LOVE YOU, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

[chorus humming melody]

¶ ¶

¶ OH, KRUSTY KRAB, OH, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ OH, HOW I LOVE YA, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ OH, KRUSTY KRAB, OH, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

¶ OH, HOW I LOVE YOU, KRUSTY KRAB ¶

[humming]

¶ OH-WA-WA-WA-WA WA-WA-WA ¶

- [sobbing]

- MR. KRABS, LOOK.

- ME CUSTOMERS?

THEY'RE COMING BACK?

SPONGEBOB'S DOPEY LITTLE SONG IS BRINGING THEM BACK.

[laughs]

[all humming]

¶ ¶

- OH, KRUSTY KRAB,

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.

WHEN I'M TIRED AND HUNGRY,

I JUST REACH OUT MY HAND, AND THERE YOU ARE

WITH A KRABBY PATTY THAT'S, OH, SO HOT AND JUICY.

ARE YOU WITH ME, PEOPLE?

all: YEAH!

- I SAID ARE YOU WITH ME, PEOPLE?

all: YEAH!

- IN THAT CASE, LET'S GET SOME KRABBY PATTIES!

- THERE'S NO ONE HERE.

THE KRUSTY KRAB IS EMPTY.

[giggles breathlessly] I'VE WON.

THE KRABBY FORMULA IS MINE!

IT TOOK ELEVENTY-SEVEN YEARS, BUT I GOT IT.

OH, NO.

[all cheering]

NO.

AAH! OOF.

OUCH! OUCH!

AAAAAYYY!

OUCH!

OUCH! OUCH!

OW! OH, NUTS.

- DID SOMEBODY ORDER A KRABBY--WHOA!

WHOAAAAA!

WHOA, LOOK OUT.

WHOA!

WHOA, COMIN' THROUGH. WHOA!

WH-WH-WH-WH-WHOA!

[all cheering]

- [sighs]

'TIS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT.

IT WARMS ME HEART.

[gasps]

ME KRABBY PATTY RECIPE.

WHAT'S IT DOING OUT HERE?

WHOA-HO!

SHOULD'VE KNOWN: PLANKTON.

- HEY, KRABS, HAPPY ELEVENTY-SEVENTH?

- IT'S LAUNCHING TIME.

- PLEASE, KRABS.

NO! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

NO MORE LAUNCHING, PLEASE.

- OH, ALL RIGHT.

SINCE I'M IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD, I'LL GO EASY ON YOU THIS TIME.

- AAH!

- THERE.

HAPPY LANDINGS, PLANKTON.

- YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T SO BAD.

EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE LITTLE ANTS FROM UP HERE.

[laughing evilly]

WAIT. HELP.

- STAY AWAY FROM THE HIGH-TENSION WIRES.

ALLOW ME TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR A VALUED CUSTOMER.

- GEE, THANKS, MISTER.

TODAY MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY.

I FOUND A WALLET WITH 50 BUCKS IN IT.

- WOW, THAT'S SOME COINCIDENCE, 'CAUSE I LOST ONE EARLIER TODAY

WITH 50 BU--AAAH!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

COME BACK WITH ME WALLET, YA THIEVING BILGE RAT.

- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, KRUSTY KRAB.

[laughing]

- ¶ BEAUTIFUL DREAMER ¶

¶ OUT ON THE SEA ¶

¶ MERMAIDS ARE CHANTING ¶

¶ THE WILD LORELIE ¶

¶ OVER THE STREAMLET ¶

¶ VAPORS ARE BORN ¶

¶ WAITING TO FADE AT THE BRIGHT COMING MORN ¶

[humming]

¶ ¶

¶ LA DA DEE, LA DA DUM ¶

¶ LA DA DEE, LA DA DEE ¶

TEMPO! TEMPO!

¶ ¶