Original subtitles

ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

♪ OHH...

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! READY?

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

♪

[waves crashing]

[mellow island music]

♪

OKAY, KAREN, WHICH ONE'S BETTER?

IF I HAD EYES, I'D BE ROLLING THEM RIGHT NOW.

THANKS FOR THE HELP.

YOU KNOW, DETAILS LIKE THIS

CAN BE VERY IMPORTANT TO THE CUSTOMERS.

CUSTOMERS?

WHAT CUSTOMERS?

WELL, UH...

LIKE THOSE CUSTOMERS WHO JUST PULLED UP.

HELLO, GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO THE CHUM BUCKET.

WOULD YOU LIKE SEATING INSIDE OR OUTSIDE?

SEATING FOR WHAT?

FOR THE CHUM BUCKET!

WHERE YOU CAN ENJOY A NICE HELPING OF CHUM.

OH, BOY, THIS IS SO-- NUM, NUM, MM-HMM.

MMM, GOOD, THE CHUM IS.

WAIT A MINUTE. EATING CHUM?

DO PEOPLE DO THAT?

LOOK, ARE YOU GONNA EAT OR NOT?

YEAH, I'M GONNA HAVE TWO KRABBY PATTIES.

OH, YEAH, TWO.

WE COULDN'T FIND PARKING OVER THERE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB.

[whistle shrieks]

boom!

[water hisses]

[slurping]

AH!

NOW, WHAT WAS I SAYING?

OH, RIGHT...

[groans and growls]

I'M TIRED OF THE KRUSTY KRAB TAKING ALL OF MY BUSINESS.

WE'RE DOOMED, KAREN.

DOOMED, I TELL YOU.

[sobbing]

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT ALL GOOD BUSINESS OWNERS DO?

WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

ADVERTISE YOUR PRODUCT, OF COURSE.

ADVERTISING?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO COME UP WITH THIS.

[sighs]

LET'S SEE... "Q," NO.

"P," NO. AH, HERE IT IS, "L."

THERE, IT'S PERFECT.

"CHUM IS METABOLIC FUEL!"

YOU REALLY DID IT THIS TIME, OLD PLANKY.

OH, YEAH. WHO'S A GENIUS?

♪ HAVE YOU SEEN THIS, SEEN THIS, SEEN THIS ♪

♪ SEEN MY GENIUS, GENIUS, GENIUS ♪

CHUM IS... [slurps]

MEH...

HELLO, SIR, AND WELCOME TO THE CHUM BUCKET.

UH, SIR?

MET-AH--UH... TA-TUB--UH...

BOL--ICK!

FORGET ABOUT WHAT THAT WORD MEANS!

THERE'S A FIRE BREAKING OUT IN THE LANGUAGE LOBES.

WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!

THE DOOR IS JAMMED!

PUSH HARDER!

[all coughing]

MM--META-BU. BU-BU-BOO.

UH, SIR? YOUR HEAD, IT'S ON FIRE.

THE DRINK! USE THE DRINK!

IT'S KELP JUICE. YOU WANT SOME?

HEY!

WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?

FRIEND? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

GO AHEAD. SAY YOU'RE SORRY.

UH, I'M SORRY.

OKAY, I FORGIVE YOU,

AND I'M SORRY FOR YELLING.

OKAY, SO CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING HONESTLY?

WHATEVER.

IT'S ABOUT YOUR SIGN.

THESE WORDS MAKE MY HEAD SAD.

I DON'T GET IT.

IT'S OKAY, LITTLE FELLA.

I DON'T EITHER.

OKAY, FREAK SHOW. YOU JUST WAIT.

IN A FEW MINUTES,

THIS SIGN WILL HAVE ATTRACTED MORE CUSTOMERS

THAN YOU CAN COUNT.

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

UH, WHAT'S THAT NUMBER BEFORE ONE?

ZERO.

OH, RIGHT, CONGRATULATIONS!

YOU HAVE ZERO CUSTOMERS.

OKAY, SO MAYBE IT'LL TAKE A LITTLE LONGER

THAN A FEW MINUTES.

A LITTLE LONGER THAN A FEW MINUTES LATER...

WAIT. WHAT ARE WE DOING AGAIN?

smack! [groans]

THERE WE GO.

"CHUM IS FUM!"

WHAT THE...

THIS SAYS, "CHUM IS FUM."

YOU CHANGED MY SIGN TO "CHUM IS FUM"?

THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

THEY SEEM TO THINK IT'S INTERESTING.

[all murmuring excitedly]

APPARENTLY, DUMB SELLS CHUM.

AND I BELIEVE I JUST FOUND OUR ADVERTISING DIRECTOR.

[shrieks]

ONLY TWO CUSTOMERS?

CUSTOMERS ARE LOOKING KIND OF SCARCE.

MUST BE LOW TIDE OR SOMETHING, EH, SQUIDWARD?

THEY'VE ALL GONE TO THE CHUM BUCKET.

THE CHUM BUCKET?

CHUM IS FUM?

SPONGEBOB!

YES, SIR. [yells]

SPONGEBOB, WE HAVE A SITUATION.

I'M ON IT.

[siren blares]

buzz!

FIVE.

FOUR.

THREE.

TWO.

ONE.

SPONGEBOB, I'M AFRAID OUR WORST FEARS HAVE BEEN REALIZED.

[gasps] GOOFY GOOBER IS GOING NONDAIRY?

NO.

OH-HOO, SLIDE SHOW.

A FEW HOURS AGO,

THE CHUM BUCKET WAS, AS IT SHOULD BE,

A DESOLATE NO-MAN'S-LAND.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY

HE COULD HAVE TURNED THINGS AROUND SO QUICKLY.

PLANKTON MUST HAVE SLIPPED INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB

WHILE YOU WEREN'T LOOKING.

HEY, THAT'S MY LEGS!

HE STOLE THE FORMULA!

[screams]

I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY THAT.

SO WE NEED TO INFILTRATE THE CHUM BUCKET

AND STEAL THE FORMULA BACK.

AH!

SPONGEBOB, HOW YOU HOLDING UP, BOY?

NOT SO GOOD, MR. KRABS.

HOLD ON, NOW. WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

TWO HOURS LATER...

NEXT!

WE MADE IT, SPONGEBOB.

WE'RE IN!

WHOOPEE.

ALL I KNOW IS, CHUM IS FUM.

YOU SAID IT. CHUM IS FUM.

KEEP AN EYE PEELED FOR ANYTHING SUSPICIEROUS.

LIKE THAT DOOR?

MM, BINGO! WHOA.

COME ON. GIDDYAP, BOY.

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

EXCUSE ME.

WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE SAMPLE?

NO, UH... [coughs]

[high-pitched voice] I'M FULL, THANKS.

NO? HOW ABOUT YOUR LITTLE FRIEND?

HI, SPONGEBOB.

HI, I DON'T WANT A FREE SAMPLE EI--

SURE, YOU DO.

LOOK OUT. SHE'S GONNA BLOW!

[explosion]

[spluttering]

WELL, PLANKTON OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T STEAL ME FORMULA.

SO HOW DID HE STEAL ALL ME CUSTOMERS?

THIS CHUM TASTES AWFUL.

YEAH, BUT THE SLOGAN IS SO CATCHY

THAT WE CAN'T STOP EATING IT.

[together] CHUM IS FUM!

[gagging and retching]

[laughs]

CHUM IS FUM!

COME ON, SPONGEBOB.

I'M GONNA SEE HOW OUR ADVERTISING GURU IS DOING.

WHAT BRILLIANT SLOGANS HAVE YOU COME UP WITH THIS WEEK, PATRICK?

[snoring]

MM, HUH? GAH!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE COMING UP WITH WITTY CATCHPHRASES

TO KEEP THAT RABBLE OUT THERE HAPPY.

CHUM IS FUM.

WE'VE KIND OF GOT THAT ONE ALREADY.

OH, I LIKE THAT ONE!

[groans] OH, WELL.

IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

I GUESS.

YOU GOT IT, BOSS!

HEY, EVERYONE.

CHUM IS FUM!

[all cheering]

HEY, KAREN, CHECK THIS OUT.

WHAT NOW?

YOU SEE, EVERY TIME I MAKE A SALE,

THE SOUND GOES THERE.

WATCH.

[shrill ding]

[sobbing]

HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP TO BOOST SALES?

KAREN, BABE, YOU DON'T NEED HELP

WHEN YOU GOT A CATCHY SLOGAN LIKE MINE.

DON'T LOOK NOW,

BUT I THINK YOUR CATCHY SLOGAN'S DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

[gags] OH, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I KEEP SAYING CHUM IS FUM, BUT IT'S--

IT'S JUST NOT WORKING.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

HMM.

[snoring]

PATRICK!

HUH? WHAT?

WE'RE HAVING A BOARD MEETING HERE.

WE NEED IDEAS.

HMM.

HMM. UH-HUH.

I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM.

YOUR POTTY HAS A SHOCKY THING IN IT.

NO, THAT'S NOT IT, YOU FOOL!

WE NEED A NEW SLOGAN.

YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH ANOTHER GENIUS CATCHPHRASE

LIKE CHUM IS FUM!

BUT DIFFERENT.

OH, GOT YA.

HMM.

THREE DAYS LATER...

I'M SO HAPPY THAT THEY CHANGED THAT OLD, TIRED SLOGAN,

CHUM IS FUM.

YEAH, THAT NEW SLOGAN, "FUM IS CHUM," IS WAY COOLER.

WAY COOLER.

[both slurping]

[both gagging and retching]

HERE'S YOUR CHUM BUCKET SUPREME.

ENJOY!

PATRICK, MY BOY,

YOU REALLY EARNED THAT PROMOTION.

THANKS, BOSS.

NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!

[upbeat music]

ding!

[bawling]

♪

[tires screech]

[exuberant chatter]

YOU FELLOWS LOOK HUNGRY.

HERE YOU GO.

[whistle blows]

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

MY RESIGNATION.

BUT YOU'RE MY WHOLE MARKETING DEPARTMENT.

I KNOW, BUT I'M BURNED OUT.

SEE?

ANYWAY, YOU CAN SEND MY CHECK TO MY HOME.

CHECK?

YOU WANT MONEY FOR THOSE STUPID CATCHPHRASES?

ANYBODY CAN SELL TO MY IDIOT CUSTOMERS.

THEY'RE BUFFOONS!

MORONS!

THEY'LL BUY ANYTHING I SELL THEM.

THEY'RE THE DUMBEST OF THE DUMB.

THE STUPIDEST OF THE STUPID.

THEY'RE DUMMIES, DWEEBS, AND DOO-DOO DUNDERHEADS.

I CAN KEEP THAT RABBLE RIGHT WHERE I WANT THEM.

HUH?

WHAT WAS THAT PART ABOUT DOO-DOO DUNDERHEADS, EH?

UH-OH.

[screams]

[yelling and crashing]

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, LITTLE MAN?

IS IT TOO LATE FOR SORRY?

OH!

[guffaws]

HEY, CHECK OUT THAT NEW SIGN AT THE KRUSTY KRAB.

WHO'S HUNGRY, EH?

[all yelling excitedly]

WELL, MR. K, WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS.

YEP. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, BOYO!

YOU GOT IT, BOSS.

[upbeat island music]

♪

[sighs]

PLANKTON, IS THAT YOU?

WELCOME HOME, HONEY.

[mumbles]

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

[coughs]

[alarms blare]

DEAR NEPTUNE, PLANKTON!

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

THE AROMA YOU SPEAK OF, KAREN, MY COMPUTER WIFE,

IS THE STENCH OF FAILURE.

FAILURE.

AND NOW THE SMELL OF DEFEAT SO DEEPLY PENETRATES MY SOUL

THAT MY VERY SKIN IS PERMEATED WITH ITS FOUL STENCH.

[sighs]

THANKS FOR ASKING.

WELL, IT SMELLS HORRIBLE.

YOU'RE NOT COMING IN HERE SMELLING LIKE THAT.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU--

[shrieks]

STOP THAT AT ONCE!

YOU--

[gasps] I COMMAND YOU TO--

OH, NO!

[yells]

THERE YOU GO.

NOW DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?

ALTHOUGH I DO LOOK RAVISHING,

IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO MASK THE UGLINESS I FEEL INSIDE.

DID I MISS A SPOT?

[growls]

DON'T BLOW A GASKET, DEAR.

TODAY'S A SPECIAL DAY.

SPECIAL DAY?

YES, WE'RE CELEBRATING YOUR BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT EVER.

REALLY? I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING?

WHAT IS IT?

IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU

ASKING A CERTAIN SOMEONE

TO SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH YOU.

WHAT?

WE EACH WEAR RINGS IN MEMORY OF THIS MOMENT.

ENOUGH WITH THE RIDDLES, WOMAN.

JUST TELL ME WHAT THIS PROUD MOMENT IN MY LIFE IS.

OH, YOU SELFISH GREEN TWIT.

IT'S OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

OH, THAT.

YIPPEE.

[bawling]

YOU FORGOT, AND I GOT YOU THE PERFECT GIFT.

THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA?

MWAH! MWAH!

HOW DID YOU GET IT?

FIRST I WENT TO THE KRUSTY KRAB.

ONE KRABBY PATTY, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

WHATEVER.

MWAH! MWAH! MWAH!

WHAT? SORRY, I WASN'T LISTENING.

WELL, YOU CAN TELL ME LATER.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING THIS UNTIL YOU GET ME A GIFT.

[groans]

FROM YOUR HEART.

[sighs]

AND THAT'S THE STORY

OF HOW I GOT MY HEAD STUCK IN THE FRY VAT.

THAT STORY GETS BETTER EVERY TIME YOU TELL IT, SPONGE--

HOLD ON!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

IT SOUNDS LIKE...

[moaning]

DESPAIR.

THAT WAS PROBABLY ME.

NO, NO, NOT BITTERNESS. DESPAIR.

AND IT'S COMING FROM OVER...

THIS WAY.

PLANKTON.

WHAT'S WRONG, PLANKTON?

WHAT? SPONGEBOB?

UH, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG.

DON'T WORRY.

I'M FINE.

COME ON, TELL YOUR UNCLE SPONGEBOB.

OH, IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT TODAY IS MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

AW, WHAT PRESENT DID YOU BUY YOUR WIFE, HUH?

WHAT DID YOU BUY HER?

UM, I DIDN'T BUY KAREN ANYTHING.

[gasps]

WE'VE GOT A LOVE EMERGENCY.

ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

WE HAVE A LOVE EMERGENCY.

PLEASE STAND BACK. LOVE EMERGENCY.

THANK YOU. LOVE EMERGENCY.

PLANKTON, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

YOU NEED TO GIVE HER A PRESENT FROM IN HERE.

WHAT, LIKE A KIDNEY?

NO, FROM THE HEART.

THAT'S WHERE YOUR LOVE GROWS.

MY WHAT?

YOUR LOVE. MY LOOVE?

LOVE. LOOP?

LUH-VUH.

LUMP.

SAY IT WITH ME:

UHL.

UHL.

AHH.

AHH.

VHH.

[splutters]

UH-LUH-VUH.

[strained] LOVE?

THAT'S IT!

YOU'VE TAKEN THE FIRST STEP INTO THE HALLS OF AMM-NOURV.

NOW, TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR KAREN.

SO WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING

FOR YOU AND KAREN TO DO TOGETHER?

WELL, WE LIKE TO TAKE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH,

AND WE TALK ABOUT OUR DREAMS--

UH, OUR DREAMS OF CONQUERING ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM

TO BECOME SUPREME OVERLORDS OF ALL CREATION

AND TO TRAMPLE OUR ENEMIES BENEATH OUR FEET.

[laughs]

YEAH!

TRAMPLING ENEMIES...

NOW, TELL ME ABOUT KAREN.

WELL, SHE'S A MARK II SURPLUS UNIVAC

WITH 256 GIGS OF RAM,

AND THERE'S THE CUTEST MOLE ON HER CPU,

AND THE WAY SHE PROCESSES DATA, OH, OOH, MAMA.

DOES SHE HAVE ANY HOBBIES?

UH, WELL, UH...

SHE DOES MAKE A LOT OF BEEPING SOUNDS.

INTERESTING. DOES SHE EVER GO "DING"?

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, SHE DOES GO "DING,"

AT LEAST ONCE A DAY.

OHH, A MUSIC LOVER.

I THINK WE HAVE OUR SOLUTION.

YOU NEED TO SERENADE HER.

WHO, ME? I CAN'T SING.

NOT TO WORRY.

WHEN YOU'RE DONE, YOU'LL BE AS...

♪ GOLDEN-VOICED AS ME ♪

REPEAT AFTER ME:

♪ ME ME ME ME ME ME MEE

[clears throat]

♪ ME ME ME ME MEE ME--

[clears throat] ♪ ME ME ME ME ME

♪ ME MEEEE!

[prolonged screechy singing]

[glass shatters]

[glass shatters]

WHOO.

OH, YOU ARE READY.

READY? BUT WHAT DO I SING?

OH, WHEN THE TIME COMES, YOU'LL KNOW.

THE MUSIC OF LOVE COMES FROM INSIDE.

WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH MY INTERNAL ORGANS?

THIS IS IT, PLANKTON.

I DON'T THINK I'M READY.

OH, YOU JUST GOT BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR TUMMY.

NO, I'M JUST NERVOUS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT FLYING INSECTS HAVE TO DO WITH IT.

[laughs] GET IN THERE AND SING,

YOU SINGLE-CELLED ROMEO, YOU.

AH, LOVE-VUH.

[clears throat]

KAREN?

PLANKTON.

I DON'T SEE ANY PRESENT.

OH, I HAVE IT.

IT'S RIGHT HERE IN MY KIDNEY--I MEAN HEART!

[clears throat]

♪ ME ME ME ME

♪ ME ME

♪ OH, MY KAREN, OH, MY KAREN ♪

♪ OH, MY COMPUTER WIFE, KAREN ♪

♪ PUT DOWN THOSE PUNCH CARDS

♪ PUT DOWN THOSE PUNCH CARDS

♪ AND LISTEN TO MY ODE

♪ OH, MY KAREN, OH, MY KAREN ♪

♪ OH, MY COMPUTER WIFE, KAREN ♪

♪ WHAT COMPARES TO

♪ WHAT COMPARES TO

UH...

AHA!

♪ YOUR BEAUTIFUL DIODES

[up-tempo guitar music]

♪

♪ OH, MY KAREN, OH, MY KAREN ♪

♪ OH, MY COMPUTER WIFE, KAREN ♪

♪ I WAS BLINDED

♪ YES, I WAS BLINDED

♪ I WAS BLINDED BY THE LIGHT OF YOUR CATHODE RAY ♪

♪ OH, I BUILT YOU

♪ YES, I BUILT YOU

♪ I BUILT YOU IN THE... UH...

UM, HMM.

♪ IN THE SHAPE OF A CUBE

♪ OH, MY KAREN, OH, MY KAREN ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR VACUUM TUBES ♪

♪

[sniffling]

THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.

YOU REALLY LIKED IT?

I LOVED IT!

BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU, PLANKTON.

I LUH..UH...

LOVE YOU TOO.

all: AW.

SO CAN I HAVE MY PRESENT NOW?

OF COURSE, MY LITTLE OVERLORD.

NOW LOADING THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA.

THEY'RE SUCH A LOVELY COUPLE.

[gasps] THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA!

YES, YOU POROUS KITCHEN UTENSIL!

BY HELPING ME WOO MY COMPUTER WIFE,

YOU'VE JUST DOOMED THE KRUSTY KRAB.

[laughs]

OH, NO!

I'VE GOT TO STOP IT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

45% LOADED.

CONTROL, ALT, DELETE.

55% LOADED.

HOW DO YOU TURN THIS THING OFF?

GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE!

65% LOADED.

[gasps] THE PLUG.

[gasps]

AHA!

YOU LOSE, PLANKTON.

OH, NO!

YOU UNPLUGGED THE COFFEEMAKER, SPONGEBOB.

[gulps] I AM SO FIRED.

LOADING KRABBY PATTY FORMULA.

HERE IT COMES!

OH, PLANKTON, YOU'VE MADE ME SO HAPPY.

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

WHERE'S THAT FORMULA?

I'M CRYING.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

KAREN, WHAT'S WRONG?

HAVE YOU SPRUNG A LEAK?

NO, I'M JUST SO HAPPY.

I--I'M CRYING WITH TEARS OF JOY.

BUT YOU'RE SHORTING OUT.

[electrical fizzing and popping]

I'M JUST--

KRABBY PATTY FORMULA LOADING COMPLETED.

YES!

NO!

boom!

NO!

YES! I'M SAVED!

YOUR WIFE EXPLODED!

UM, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, YOU GUYS.

REBOOTING.

LOADING EMILP.

EMILP?

WHAT'S EMILP?

EMERGENCY MOTHER-IN-LAW PROGRAM.

OH, NO.

PLANKTON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DAUGHTER?

YOU MADE HER CRY.

YOU KNOW, SHE COULD HAVE BEEN WITH AN ATM,

SOMEONE WITH MONEY, BUT SHE CHOSE YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

[lilting ukulele music]

♪

[kids laughing]