Original subtitles

Captioning Provided By: MTV NETWORKS

ARE YA READY, KIDS?Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

I CAN'T HEARYOU.

Kids: [SHOUTING] AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

♪ OHH... ♪

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHIN' YOU WISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ READY? ♪

All: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

[WHISTLING]

[WAVES CRASHING... GULLS SQUAWKING]

[♪...]

Narrator: SHADY SHOALS, MILD-MANNERED REST HOME

AND SECRET HEADQUARTERS OF MERMAID MAN

MASTER OF MARITIME JUSTICE AND DEFENDER OF BIKINI BOTTOM.

SEMI-RETIRED.

AND HIS FAITHFUL WARD BARNACLE BOY.

WHO?HELLO.

TODAY WE FIND THIS DUO OF DYNAMISM

ENGAGED IN THEIR FAVORITE PASTIME: WATCHING TV.

[BOTH SNORING]

BUT WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?

WHY, IT'S MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY'S BIGGEST FANS

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND PATRICK STAR.

DON'T THEY LOOK PEACEFUL?

YEAH.

WAKE UP!

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

I'LL DEAL WITH THESE SUPER-VILLAINS

WITH MY TRUSTY MERMARANG!

HEY, THOSE AREN'T SUPER-VILLAINS.

HI, MERMAID- OW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE MERMAID MAN HIT ME WITH HIS MERMARANG.

IT'S SO AWESOME.

WOW.

CAN YOU BEAT ME UP NEXT?

KEEP ON YOUR GUARD, BARNACLE BOY.

THEY'RE GETTING READY FOR ANOTHER ATTACK.

THOSE AREN'T SUPER-VILLAINS.

IT'S JUST THAT KID, UH, SPONGEBOB, AND HIS GOOFY FRIEND.

HEY, KID, CAN YOU GIVE US OUR MERMARANG BACK?

WE ONLY GOT THE ONE.

HEY, SURE THING.

OH, DON'T THROW- [GRUNTS]

HEY, IT CAME BACK.

YEAH, [CHUCKLES], IT DOES THAT.

I'LL TRY AGAIN.

NO- [GRUNTS]

LOOK, I'LL JUST COME AND GET- [GRUNTS]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

[GRUNTS] NICE SHOT.

WOW, THAT MERMARANG REALLY LIKES YOU.

I KNOW.

NOW JUST HAND ME THE MERMARANG, SON- [GRUNTS]

I'VE GOT IT!

RUNAWAY MERMARANG!

[SCREAMING...]

[BIRDS TWEETING]

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

OW.

[SIREN WAILING]

[MACHINERY BEEPING]

SpongeBob: HI.

HOW YOU FEELING?

WOULD YOU GET OFF OF ME?

OK.

[GRUNTS] WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE, ANYWAY?

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

I BROUGHT YOU FLOWERS.

SINCE YOU TWO ARE FEELING SO POORLY.

Patrick: YOU NEVER BROUGHT MEFLOWERS.

PATRICK, GO HOME AND CHECK YOUR MAILBOX.

REALLY?

[PHONE RINGING]

THE MERMA-PHONE.

MERMAID MAN HERE.[PHONE RINGING]

[NEEDLE SCRATCHES OFF RECORD]

MERMAID MAN HERE.

AH, COMMISSIONER, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

[VOICE SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

YOU CAN COUNT ON MERMAID MAN, COMMISSIONER.

IT'S FOR YOU.

BARNACLE BOY HERE.

[VOICE SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

YES, BUT...

[VOICE SQUAWKS INDISTINCTLY]

YES, YES, COMMISSIONER, BUT, UH...

[COMMISSIONER HANGS UP]

THE POLICE COMMISSIONER NEEDS US TO BE

CELEBRITY CONTESTANTS AT THE BIKINI BOTTOM SHUFFLEBOARDING COMPETITION.

BUT THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN DO IT IN THIS CONDITION.

WHAT KIND OF QUITTER TALK IS THAT?

WE'RE SUPERHEROES.

WE'RE GOING TO THAT SHUFFLEBOARDING COMPETITION

OR MY NAME ISN'T...

[ARM CRACKS]

OW!

YOU'RE RIGHT, BARNACLE BOY.

IF ONLY THERE WERE SOMEONE TO TAKE OUR PLACE.

[GRUNTING]

PATRICK AND I COULD DO IT, MERMAID MAN!

WHAT?

WHY SHOULD WE TRUST YOU TWO?

BECAUSE WE'RE CARD-CARRYING MEMBERS

OF THE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FAN CLUB.

SO?

SpongeBob: WE'RE ALSO CERTIFIED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY IMPERSONATORS.

CERTIFIED.

YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH CERTIFICATION.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

I SUPPOSE THEY CAN'T DO TOO MUCH DAMAGE.

IT'S JUST SHUFFLEBOARD- [GRUNTS]

[CHEERING]

[CHANTING]: WE'RE GONNA BE HEROES.

WE'RE GONNA BE HEROES.

[GRUNTS] WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?

WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?

HEROES, HEROES, HE-ROES?

NOW LISTEN UP.

HERE, TAKE THESE RINGS.

OH...

AND WHEN YOU TOUCH 'EM TOGETHER

YOU'LL BE INSTANTLY TRANSFORMED INTO OUR DUPLICATES.

[GIGGLING EXCITEDLY]

MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, UNITE!

WE'RE READY.

MAN-BOB.

AND PAT-BOY.

REPORTING FOR DUTY.

WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH WITH SHUFFLEBOARDING

YOU'RE TO BRING THOSE COSTUMES RIGHT BACK HERE.

AND DON'TDO ANYTHING ELSE.

DON'T GO HOME FIRST, DON'T SHOW YOUR FRIENDS

JUST COME RIGHT BACK HERE, YOU GOT IT?

GOT IT. GOT WHAT?

THIS'LL NEVER WORK.

WHAT WILL NEVER WORK?

SHUFFLEBOARDING, SHUFFLEBOARDING, SHUFFLEBOARDING!

[CHEERING]

SHUFFLEBOARDING IS EXCITING, HUH, PATRICK?

WELL, DUH.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT SHUFFLEBOARDING?

EVERYTHING.

IT'S EVEN FUN JUST TO SAY THE WORD.

[SPEAKING SLOWLY]: SHUFFLEBOARD.

SHUFFLE-EL-EL-EL-BOARD.

AH, IT IS FUN.

WE'RE GONNA SERIOUSLY KICK SOME ELDERLY BUNS TODAY.

HUH, SPONGEBOB?

WHAT?

OUT OF THE WAY, GRAMPS. [GRUNTS]

THAT'S MY TROPHY, OLD LADY. [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

PATRICK?

IT'S GONNA BE AN ACTION-PACKED THRILL RIDE

OF GERIATRIC PROPORTIONS.

AND THE BEST PART IS

THERE IS NOWAY WE CAN LOSE WITH THESE COSTUMES ON.

WE ALREADY WON THE TOURNAMENT.

OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.

WELL, HOW COME I DIDN'T GET A TROPHY?

YOU DID, IT'S IN YOUR BACK POCKET.

OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.

WELL, LET'S GO DO SOMETHING ELSE.

OK.

YOU'RE TO BRING THOSE COSTUMES RIGHT BACK HERE.

DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.

[GASPS]

PATRICK, STOP!

[GASPING] WE CAN'T.

WE HAVE TO GET THE COSTUMES BACK.

FOR NEPTUNE'S SAKE, SPONGEBOB.

IF WE'RENOT GONNA GO AROUND TOWN

PRETENDING TO BE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY

THEN WHO IS?

UH, NOBODY?

EXACTLY.

AND WITH NO ONE PATROLLING THE TOWN

WHO'S GONNA STOP THOSE YOUNGSTERS FROM LOITERING?

[GIGGLING]

THEIR MOMMIES?

NO, WE ARE.

LET'S TAKE 'EM TO THE SLAMMER.

PATRICK!

[GASPS] DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S TOO HARSH?

"TOO HARSH"?

EXPLAIN.

MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

UGH.

[SCREAMING...]

WASTING A KRABBY PATTY?

HOW COULD YOU?

I'M FULL.

WELL, MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULD'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

BEFORE THEY PONIED UP FOR THE WORLD'S GREATEST PATTY...

MR. JAIL WARDEN.

YOU'RE RIGHT, PAT-BOY, THIS TOWN NEEDS US.

YOU'RE CHEWING TOO LOUD.

[GRUNTS] OW.

YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.

[GRUNTING]

YOU'RE TOO OLD.

[JAIL DOORS CLANGING]

SpongeBob: AH, I THINK WE'VE DONE OUR WORK, PATRICK.

NOW LET'S RETURN THESE COSTUMES.

[HUMMING]

[GASPS]

THAT'S THE EVIL MAN-RAY.

[HUMMING]

WHAT DIABOLICAL PLAN COULD HE BE UP TO?

WHY, HELLO, RAY.

MABEL, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

LOOK AT HIM, PATRICK.

PLOTTING WITH HIS EVIL MINION.

SAY, COULD I BORROW SOME OF YOUR DETERGENT?

WHY, CERTAINLY.

ANYTHING FOR THE GAL I WENT TO THE PROM WITH.

I'LL BE HE'S HANDING OFF SOME SECRET WEAPON.

TIME TO CRASH THIS PARTY.

YOU HAVEN'T AGED A DAY, RAY.

OH, YOU. [CHUCKLES]

SpongeBob: HELLO, MAN-RAY.

WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

HEY, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MABEL.

ANY FRIEND OF RAY'S IS A FRIEND OF MINE.

ALL RIGHT, MABEL, THAT'S ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT.

NOW ARE YOU GONNA COME QUIETLY OR WE WILL HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO JAIL BY FORCE?

PLAYING DUMB, EH?

YOU HANDLE MAN-RAY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIS LACKEY.

[PATRICK ROARS]

MABEL?

SpongeBob: HAI-YAH!

EAT DRYER SHEETS, MAN-RAY.

[GRUNTING]

IT'S ON NOW.

FILTHY SHORTS ATTACK.

[SCREAMS]

CLOTHES BASKET BOMBARDMENT.

[GRUNTS]

SURRENDER... MERMAID MAN?

[GRUNTS] OW, THAT'S IT.

TIME FOR THE SPIN CYCLE.

[GASPS]

NOT SO FAST, MAN-RAY.

WHA...?

YOU'RE ALL WET.

YOU NEED TO DRY OUT.

WHAT?

NO, MY HEAD IS DRY CLEAN ONLY...

[SPEAKING IN HIGH VOICE]: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

JUST KEEP MOVING.

YOU TOO, MISSY.

WELL, OUR WORK IS DONE HERE.

Man: MY LEGS, MY LEGS...

Woman: DR. FORREST, DIAL ONE...

Mermaid Man: GOOD JOB, BOYS.

YOU WON THE TOURNAMENT AND RETURNED THE COSTUMES.

THANKS AGAIN, BOYS.

JUST DOING OUR MERMA-DUTY.

AND THEN SOME.

[LAUGHS] "AND THEN SOME," THAT'S GOOD.

GOOD-BYE, YOUNG MEN.

OH, LOOK, WE HAVE MORE VISITORS.

Woman: THERE THEY ARE, OH, GET 'EM.

LOOKING GOOD, MAN-RAY.

[CLAMORING...]

FASTER, YOU OLD COOT.

[CLAMORING]

THEY HAVE SO MANY FANS.

[CLAMORING]

[♪...]

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

AH.

ISN'T IT GRAND?

WHAT IS?

HE'S SUCH A GREAT MUSICIAN.

HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO TOUCH AN INSTRUMENT TO BE BRILLIANT.

[CHEERING]

ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

BUNCH OF NONSENSE.

WHY, HERE HE COMES NOW.

[GASPS] IT ISHIM.

HUH?

AREN'T YOU THE ESTEEMED SQUILLIAM FANCYSON THE THIRD

WHO WE ALL CAME HERE TO SEE PERFORM TONIGHT?

NO, I AM NOT.

NOR WOULD I EVER WANT TO BE.

I AM QUITE CONTENT BEING SQUIDWARD Q. TENTACLES.

OH, DEAR.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

WHY?

BECAUSE I'M HEAD MATRON

AT AN ESTEEMED MUSICAL COLLEGE IN TOWN

AND THOUGHT IF YOU WERE SQUILLIAM FANCYSON

I WOULD OFFER YOU THE HIGH-PAYING

AND PRESTIGIOUS OPPORTUNITY

TO COME THERE AND TEACH YOUR VERY OWN MUSIC CLASS.

MY VERY OWN MUSIC CLASS?

DID YOU SAY "SQUILLIAM FANCYSON"?

YES.

I'M...

SQUILLIAM FANCYSON.

BUT DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY A MINUTE AGO

THAT YOUR NAME WAS SQUIDWARD Q. TENTACLES?

IT IS- NO, I MEAN, UH, NO, NO, I DIDN'T.

WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF.

I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A MORON

WOULD GO TO THEIR WORST ENEMY'S MUSIC RECITAL?

A VERY PATHETIC ONE, THAT'S WHOM.

INDEED. [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING LOUDLY]

OH.

WELL, GOOD EVENING, PROFESSOR SQUILLIAM.

WHO?

UH, UM, UH, AND A GOOD EVENING TO YOU AS WELL.

HMM, MUSIC TYPES.

OH, THEY'RE SO STRANGE.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

GOOD EVENING, STUDENTS.

NOW OUR FIRST...

GOOD EVENING, PROFESSOR.

AS I WAS SAYING...

OUR FIRST...

YES.

AREN'T YOU GONNA WRITE YOUR NAME ON THE BOARD LIKE MOST PROFESSORS DO?

MY, MY NAME, WHAT FOR?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE

TEACHERS USUALLY WRITE THEIR NAMES ON THE BOARD THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS.

[SIGHS]

WHY DON'T YOUCOME WRITE YOURNAME ON THE BOARD?

WE'LL SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.

[SCOFFS] OK.

THERE, NOW HOW DOES THAT FEEL, "BILLY"?

OK, I, I GUESS.

GOOD.

NOW WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR SEAT

AND STOP POKING YOUR NOSE INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS?

NOW IF WE CAN GO FOR FIVE MINUTES

WITHOUT HAVING ANY FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS, I'D WOULD LIKE TO...

[LAUGHS]

HEY, LOOK, IT'S SQUID-

UH, "SQUILLIAM," EVERYBODY, HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY "SQUILLIAM."

OH, UH, OH, ACTUALLY, I THINK HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY "SQUID-"

DIDN'T YOU TWO NINCOMPOOPS KNOW

I HAD MY NAME LEGALLY CHANGED TO "SQUILLIAM FANCYSON"?

AND YOU ARE TO REFER TO ME ONLY AS PROFESSOR SQUILLIAM

FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

NOW BLINK TWICE SO I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND.

OK, GOOD.

HEY, HE BLINKED THREE TIMES.

WOW, ONLY EIGHT MINUTES IN

AND WE'VE ALREADY BEEN GIVEN A MATH QUIZ.

VERY ADVANCED MUSIC CLASS, HUH, PATRICK?

I'LL SAY.

WOULD YOU TWO NUMBSKULLS MIND TELLING ME

WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN MUSIC CLASS, ANYWAY?

SURE.

PATRICK'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION WAS TO LEARN TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT.

YOU TOLD ME YOUR RESOLUTION WAS TO SIGN UP FOR

AN ALL-NATURAL, SLIMMING, TONING, AND INCREASED MUSCLE MASS PROGRAM.

IT WAS.

I TRADED WITH SPONGEBOB.

AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS, SEE?

WOW, THOSE ARE IMPRESSIVE RESULTS.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

AS YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE

MUSIC IS A...

[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

MUSIC IS A...

[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

[QUICKLY]: MUSIC IS A COMPLICATED SERIES OF...

[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

IS A COMPLICATED SERIES OF NOTES THAT, WHEN PLAYED IN THE...

[LAUGHS]

SPONGEBOB, DO YOU MIND?

THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE HERE BESIDES YOU, YOU KNOW.

AND I DON'T THINK THEYAPPRECIATE YOU DEPRIVING THEM OF MYWISDOM.

[SIGHS] I'M SORRY, "PROFESSOR SQUILLIAM."

PATRICK HERE KEEPS TICKLING MY FOOT.

NO WAY, HE'S MAKING THAT UP.

IT WAS HIM.

YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS TICKLING HIMSELF?

YOU BETTER TELL HIM, SPONGEBOB.

ALL RIGHT, IT WAS ME.

YOU WERE TICKLING YOURSELF.

MM-HMM.

HOW?LIKE THIS.

[LAUGHS]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!

THERE.

NOW, AS I WAS SAYING

MUSIC IS A SERIES OF COMPLEX...

[SPONGEBOB LAUGHS]

SPONGEBOB, I TOLD YOU TO STOP TICKLING YOURSELF.

ACTUALLY, THAT TIME... IT REALLY WAS ME.

NOW I'M GOING TO PUT SOME NOTES ON THE CHALKBOARD.

[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]

EXCUSE ME?

IS THIS SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE REST OF THE CLASS?

UH-UH.

GO ON, YOU'VE ALREADY INTERRUPTED ONCE.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL US WHAT WAS SO VERY IMPORTANT.

WELL...

I WAS JUST SAYING THAT THESE LINES YOU DREW

REMIND ME OF A RAILROAD TRACK.

I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING INSIPID, INSANE

UNINTERESTING OR IRRELEVANT.

WELL, ACTUALLY, THERE WAS A RAILROAD CONVENTION IN TOWN LAST WEEK

AND I BOUGHT MYSELF THIS NIFTY CONDUCTOR'S CAP.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MORE RIDICULOUS-LOOKING OBJECT

ON TOP OF ANYBODY'S HEAD ANYWHERE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, SUITS MY NEEDS.

WHAT ELSE DID YOU BUY AT THIS CONVENTION?

YOUR VERY OWN LOCOMOTIVE? [LAUGHS]

YES.

[LAUGHS]- WHAT THE?

[WHISTLE TOOTS]

NOW WHERE WERE...

WE?

THIS IS WHAT'S KNOWN AS A METRONOME.

HEY, MY MOM HAS ONE OF THOSE IN HER GARDEN.

OH, NO, SPONGEBOB.

THAT WAS A GARDEN GNOME.

[CLEARS THROAT] ANYWAY.

THE METRONOME HELPS US KEEP TIME.

SpongeBob and Patrick: TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK....

DO YOU MIND?

TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

IS THERE SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOUR HEADS?

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN POINTED IN ONE DIRECTION.

I SEE THAT NOW.

THERE'S NEVER BEEN ANY CHOICE FOR ME.

WOULD YOU TWO NINCOMPOOPS CUT IT OUT?

OR AM I GONNA...[KNOCK AT DOOR]

HELLO.

WE'RE WITH THE LOCAL BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS CHANNEL.

I'M A REPORTER.

[GASPS]

WE'RE HERE TO CONDUCT AN INTERVIEW WITH

THE ESTEEMED MUSICAL GENIUS SQUILLIAM FANCYSON.

SpongeBob and Patrick: TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

PLEASE IGNORE THEM.

ARE THOSE STUDENTS OF YOURS?

NOPE, THEY'RE JUST MORONS.

COME ON, YOU TWO, SNAP OUT OF IT.

THEY APPEAR TO BE IN SOME TYPE OF TRANCE.

A CASE OF GENUINE HYPNOSIS LIKE THIS

MAKES A MUCH HOTTER SCOOP.

HOTTER SCOOP?

WELL, IT'S THE SORT OF THING THAT BORDERS ON THE PARANORMAL.

OUR VIEWERS JUST EAT THAT STUFF UP.

PARANORMAL?

THE ONLY THING PARANORMAL AROUND HERE

IS HOW FAST I'M GONNA MAKE YOU TWO DISAPPEAR.

DON'T BLAME ME...

BLAME THE MARKET...

[GRUNTS AND PANTS][SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

WHAT, WHERE AM I?

I FELT LIKE I WAS IN SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE TRANCE.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

OK. OK.

YOU ONCE AGAIN MANAGED TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY ANNIHILATE

WHAT MIGHT BE THE ONE AND ONLY CHANCE I MAY EVER GET

TO SOW JUST ONE TINY SEED OF CREATIVE HOPE

INTO THE CULTURALLY BARREN WASTELAND

THAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US IS FORCED TO CALL HOME.

ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN COMMUTING FROM UPSTATE.

NOW I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU TWO HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES.

WELL, I GUESS IF I WAS TO SAY ONE THING

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE...

WE'RE SORRY, SQUIDWARD.

YEAH, WE'RE SORRY, SQUIDWARD.

[STAMMERS] NO-NO-NO, SHH-SHH-SHH.

HEY, DID THOSE GUYS JUST CALL YOU SQUIDWARD?

NO-NO-NO-NO-NO, THEY SAID SQUILLIAM.

UGH, I KNEW THIS GUY WAS A PHONY FROM MINUTE ONE.

I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

YEAH, ME TOO.

I'M GONNA GET MY TUITION BACK.

NO, WAIT.[STUDENTS CLAMORING]

[CLAMORING]

NO!

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

WHAT, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

SORRY, PROFESSOR, YOUR LITTLE SYMPHONY IS OVER.

IT'S TRUE, WE'RE ON TO YOUR LITTLE RUSE.

WHAT A HOT SCOOP.

THE REAL SQUILLIAM, AS WE ALL KNOW

HAS A LARGE, BUSHY UNIBROW JUST AT THE BASE OF HIS FOREHEAD.

BUT...

NO UNIBROW.

SQUIDWARD Q. TENTACLES, I'M PLACING YOU UNDER ARREST

FOR IMPERSONATING A GENIUS.

[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]

TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK...

[♪...]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]