Original subtitles

Captioning Provided By: MTV NETWORKS

ARE YA READY, KIDS?Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

I CAN'T HEARYOU.

Kids: [SHOUTING] AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

♪ OHH... ♪

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHIN' YOU WISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ READY? ♪

All: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

[WHISTLING]

[WAVES CRASHING... SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

[♪...]

SpongeBob: SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO...

WHOA-OH!

OPEN FOR BUSINESS.

YEAH, WHOO.

OH, MR. KRABS, MR. KRABS, CAN I DO IT TODAY?

HUH-HUH, CAN I, CAN I DO IT?

[CHUCKLES] I SUPPOSE YOU CAN HAVE THE HONOR TODAY, LAD.

[LAUGHS]

WHOO.

37, 38- [GRUNTS]

FRESHNESS, CHECK.

BUNS, CHECK.

FRESH PATTIES...

[GRUNTS]

CHECK.

OH, SILLY ME.

I'M FORGETTING ONE MORE MINOR DETAIL.

[GRUNTS]

OH, YEAH.

IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE? [LAUGHS]

OR IS IT JUST YOU?

AH.[BELL DINGS]

"TWO KRABBY PATTIES.

P.S. SPONGEBOB, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

LOVE, SQUIDWARD."

OH, LOVE YOU TOO, SQUIDDY.

TWO KRABBY PATTIES COMIN' RIGHT UP.

WHOA.

[GRUNTING]

HMM...

GOT YA.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

HOO, THIS THING IS STUCK PRETTY GOOD.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING...]

I GUESS THIS IS IT.

OH, YOU REALLY SAVED ME.

[SCREAMS...]

HEY, A SPLINTER.

OK, WELL IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YA, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO GO... NOW.

OK, OUT WE GO. [GRUNTS]

WHOA, THAT KIND OF HURTS.

COME ON, [GRUNTS], WHOA, THAT REALLY HURTS.

OH, BARNACLES, THIS HURTS.

[DISTRESSED GRUNTING]

CONCH-SHELLED MANATEES, THIS IS PAINFUL!

[BREATHING LOUDLY]

[SCREAMS]

[GASPING]

OK, YOU'RE TOUGH, YOU'RE SMART AND YOU ARE CHARMING.

BUT YOU ARE STILL NO MATCH FOR ME.

LOOK, A BALD EAGLE WITH A MOUSTACHE.

[GRUNTING]

OK, FINE, STAY.

BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE MAKING KRABBY PATTIES.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT, UM...

I ORDERED A COUPLE KRABBY PATTIES A WHILE AGO

AND, UH, I'M WONDERING WHEN THEY'LL BE OUT.

[CHUCKLES]

LOOKS LIKE I'M CRUSHING YOUR FACE. [LAUGHS]

SO WILL THEY BE READY SOON?

YEAH-YEAH-YEAH, DON'T MOVE TOO MUCH, IT RUINS IT. [LAUGHS]

OW, OW, OW.

YOU'RE MAKING THIS A LITTLE BIT DIFFICULT.

LUCKILY, I AM AMBIDEXTROUS.

[SEAL-LIKE BARKING]

PERFECTION.

I HEAR YOU, I HEAR YOU.

OK, GOOD, 'CAUSE THESE TWO KRABBY PATTIES ARE READY.

[GROWLS]

SPONGEBOB?

YES?

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

YES.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?

YOU KNOW.

KNOW WHAT?

THIS.WHAT?

THIS THING HERE.

WHAT THING WHERE?

THE SPATULA TIED TO YOUR NOSE!

[LAUGHS] THIS.

WELL, YOU SEE, THIS GOT STUCK UP THERE.

SO I STACKED STUFF AND I CLIMBED UP TO REACH IT.

I REACHED TO GRAB IT, I GOT IT, BUT THEN I FELL

AND I SCREAMED!

I WAS SURE I WAS DEAD, BUT THEN I WASN'T.

BUT THEN I TRIPPED AND I GOT THIS SPLINTER, UH, SQUIDWARD?

SQUIDWARD, WERE YOU LISTENING AT ALL?

I GOT THIS REALLY BAD SPLINTER, YOU SEE?

AND I COULDN'T HOLD THE SPATULA WITH MY HAND, SO I USED MY NOSE.

MAKES SENSE NOW, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

YOU'RE A HALFWIT WHO INJURED HIMSELF AT WORK BEING A NITWIT.

[GROWLS][LAUGHS] GOOD ONE, SQUIDDY.

D'OH, INJURY, YOUR BRAIN IS INJURED.

WAIT A MINUTE.

DID YOU SAY YOU GOT THAT SPLINTER INJURY AT WORK?

YEAH.

OH, [CLICKING TONGUE], THAT'S NOT GOOD.

I KNOW, IT HURTS SO BAD.

YEAH, WHEN MR. KRABS FINDS OUT, OH, MAN.

FINDS OUT WHAT?

FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS INJURY.

YOU MEAN MY SPLINTER?

HE'LL BE FORCED TO SEND YOU HOME.

H-H-H-HOME, BUT I'M FINE.

HERE, LET ME TAKE THIS FOR YOU.

WHY?

HEY, WAIT, I'M FINE.

IT WAS A GOOD SHIFT WHILE IT LASTED.

WHILE IT LASTED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[GASPS] W-W-W-WHAT ARE YOU?

I KNOW IT'S HARD TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

BUT, BUT SQUIDWARD, I'M FINE.

♪ I'M FINE, I'M OK ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME, NOTHING'S WRONG ♪

SEE, SEE, SEE, SEE?

OH, I BELIEVE YOU, SPONGEBOB.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THE RULES CLEARLY STATE THAT YOU MUST BE SENT HOME.

NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT.

PLEASE, SQUIDWARD, YOU CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN.

[CRIES] YOU CAN'T LET THEM FORCE ME AWAY.

SORRY, THE RULES ARE THE RULES.

[CRIES]

YEAH, IT'LL BE PRETTY QUIET AROUND HERE

WITH MR. KRABS SENDING YOU HOME EARLY AND ALL.

I JUST HOPE WE'LL MAKE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE REST OF THIS DAY WITHOUT YOU HERE.

[SOBBING LOUDLY]

PLEASE, SQUIDWARD.

DON'T TELL MR. KRABS. [CRIES]

WHAT, ME TELL MR. KRABS?

OH, NO...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-NO-NO-NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO, NO-NO-NO-NO.

NO.

WHEW.

WELL, MAYBE.

[GASPS]

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL MR. KRABS.

[WHISPERS]: Because he already knows.

[SPONGEBOB SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING...]

HE DOES?

OH, YEAH.

KRABS HAS PRETERNATURAL INSTINCTS WHEN IT COMES TO SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.

IT'S ALMOST AS IF WHEN SOMETHING'S AMISS IN HIS RESTAURANT...

[WHISPERS]: He can smell it.

[SNIFFING...]

[CASH REGISTER RINGS]

THESE QUARTERS SMELL SAD.

YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON GETTING A REFILL WITH 'EM, ARE YOU?

NO, I WASN'T.

[GASPS]

YOU'RE RIGHT, SQUIDWARD, I NEED HELP.

PLEASE PICK UP, PLEASE PICK UP, PLEASE PICK UP.

PATRICK?

YEAH?

AH, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE THERE.

I GOT A SPLINTER IN MY THUMB AND...

MM-HMM, I SEE.

WELL, I'M PRETTY BOOKED TODAY.

BUT I THINK I CAN FIT YOU IN.

THANKS, PATRICK.

NO PROBLEM.

YOU CALLED THE RIGHT PERSON, MR. SPONGEBOB. [GRUNTS]

NOW LET'S SEE WHERE THE PROBLEM'S AT.

HMM, INTERESTING.

[SNIFFS]

UH, PATRICK?

HMM, INTERESTING.

PATRICK...

[GRUNTS]

[GARGLING]

[GRUNTING]

PATRICK, THIS ISN'T HELPING.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE A DOCTOR, HUMPH.

I'M NOT.

OH, BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT WITH YOUR 12 YEARS OF MED SCHOOL.

PATRICK, YOU DIDN'T GO TO MED SCHOOL.

SO?

PATRICK, I'M SORRY, I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.

OH, NO, NO, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE THINGS UNDER CONTROL.

[CRIES]: PLEASE, PATRICK, I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME EARLY.

[CRYING]

OK, BUT WE PLAY BY MY RULES, "SQUAREBOB."

WELL, HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

BUT DON'T YOU WORRY, BUDDY.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT GO AWAY.

AH, THANKS, PATRICK, YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.

OW.

THERE APPEARS TO BE A LITTLE BIT OF SWELLING.

THIS GARBAGE COMPRESS SHOULD HELP THAT GO DOWN.

THAT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.

[BEEPING]

YEAH, BUT MY SHIFT IS OVER.

CALL ME IN THE MORNING...

IF YOU CAN STILL DIAL A PHONE.

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?

BEHIND YOUR BACK.

YOU MEAN... THIS?

PUT YOUR HAT ON, BOY, SHOW SOME COMPANY PRIDE.

AH, COMPANY PRIDE, OF COURSE.

UH, SPONGEBOB?

YES?

HAVE YOU ALWAYS HAD THREE LEGS?

YES.

INTERESTING.

WELL, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A SPLINTER THAT SQUIDWARD'S BEEN TELLING ME ALL ABOUT?

[GASPS]

ALL RIGHT, BOY, LET'S SEE IT.

[WHIMPERS]

COME ON, SPONGEBOB, IT'S JUST A LITTLE SPLINTER.

I MEAN, HOW BAD COULD IT...

[GROANS]

OH, MERCIFUL NEPTUNE.

[MOANS]

OK, NO PROBLEM, NO PROBLEM.

[PARTY FAVOR TOOTING]

PROBLEM...

WHEW, FOR A SECOND THERE

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO PAY YOU WORKMAN'S "COMPERSATION."

WHAT'S WORKERS' COMPENSATION?

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU GET PAID FOR SITTING AT HOME.

YOU MEAN I CAN GET PAID WHILE I'M AT HOME?

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU THINK "COMPERSATION" STANDS FOR?

[GRUNTING]

UH... SQUIDWARD?

[GROANS]

I GET MY "COMPERSATION" NOW?

NOPE, SORRY, SQUIDWARD, YOUR SHIFT ENDED OVER TWO MINUTES AGO.

[SIGHS]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[SNORING]

[SMACKS LIPS]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

HUH, WHAT'S THAT?

HMM, MUST BE HEARING THINGS.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

AH, SMELL THAT FRESH MORNING SEA.

[HUMS]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN AND UP]

HUH, MUST BE HEARING THINGS... AGAIN.

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

WHEW.[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

WHAT IS THAT NOISE?

[SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SNICKER]

[SIGHS] I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED.

IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS.

[SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SNICKER]

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO.

[GRUNTS][SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP]

WE'RE SLIDE-WHISTLING.

DON'T YOU MEAN PLAYING THE SLIDE WHISTLE?

SQUIDWARD, SLIDE-WHISTLING IS MORE THAN JUST SIMPLY TOOTING ON AN INSTRUMENT.

IT'S A WAY OF LIFE.

LET'S SHOW HIM, PATRICK.

Squidward: HEY, GET OUT OF HERE.

HUH?

[PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB SNICKER]

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO MORONS, SHOW YOURSELVES.

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

YOU SEE, SQUIDWARD.

SLIDE-WHISTLING CAN ADD A LITTLE ZEST TO THE HUMDRUM OF EVERYDAY LIFE.

I DON'T NEED ZEST.

I NEED YOU OUT OF MY LAMPSHADE.

[STAMMERS] WHAT?

GET OUT OF THERE!

[SLIDE WHISTLE WAVERS]

[GROWLS]

JUST GET OUT OF THERE.

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

OK, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN.

TRUE, SQUIDWARD, TRUE.

WE HAVE HAD OUR FUN.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S TWICE AS MUCH FUN?

TWICE AS MANY SLIDE WHISTLES.

AFTER YOU, MY GOOD MAN.

THANKS, BUDDY.

NOT THE WINDOWS AGAIN.

GOT YA.

THEY'RE GONE, WHEW.

NOW IF THEY WOULD JUST STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO ENJOY A LITTLE SQUID TIME.

[HUMMING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

HUH?

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE REPEATEDLY PLAYS UP]

[SLIDE WHISTLE WAVERS UP AND DOWN]

[GROWLS]

I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!

[LAUGHING]

LOOK, PATRICK, SQUIDWARD'S FINALLY PLAYING ALONG.

GO AWAY!

CAN'T YOU IDIOTS TAKE A HINT?

[SLIDE WHISTLES PLAY UP...]

[...AND DOWN]

[BREATHING HEAVILY...]

I THINK I LOST 'EM.

HUH?

[GRUNTS]

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOMEONE DID THIS TO YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

[GROWLS]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN...]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN...]

[GASPING]

WOW, SQUIDWARD.

YOU HAVE GOT QUITE AN EAR FOR MUSIC.

DON'T YOU- I DO?

YES, MY FRIEND, YOU HAVE GOT "THE GOODS."

WELL, UH, HA.

THAT ISTRUE.

COME ON, PLAY SOME MORE, MAESTRO.

ME AND PATRICK WANT TO DANCE TO YOUR SWEETTUNES.

[CHUCKLING]: WELL...

IF YOU INSIST.

OH, WE INSIST.

OK...

HELLO?

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

WELL, THAT'S UNUSUAL.

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP...]

WHAT IS THIS?

WHO'S THERE?

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP]

[CHUCKLES]

WHO'S BACK HERE?

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS DOWN]

[LAUGHS]

ALL RIGHT, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

COME ON, JERK, YOU THINK YOU CAN MESS WITH ME?

[LAUGHING]

WATCH THIS.

[SPEAKS IN BABY-TALK]

AH-HA.

OH!

SOMEONE, HELP, BABY-ASSAULTER.

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTS]

Man: ASSAULT YOUR OWN BABY.[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP...]

WHERE YOU GOING, HEY, COME BACK HERE.

[LAUGHS]

IF YOU SAY SO.

[SHOUTING]

PATRICK, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

PROBABLY NOT.

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS MUSICALLY]

Woman: OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

I PROMISE IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

[IMITATES WOLF WHISTLE]

CAN I HELP YOU?

LIAR!

Man: SHE'S NOT LYING.

SHE SPEAKS THE TRUTH.

SOMEONE WICKED HAS DISTURBED OUR PEACEFUL CITY, FRANK.

BUT WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?

SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD TENTACLES.

HE LIVES ON CONCH DRIVE.

WHAT?

YES, WE MUST CAPTURE HIM.

HE MUST PAY FOR HIS WRONGDOINGS.

OH, HE'S GONNA PAY, HE'S GONNA PAY WITH INTEREST.

HE'S GOING DOWN.

[WHISTLING NEENER-NEENER-NEENER]

COME ON, LET'S GET HIM.

[SHOUTING...]

PATRICK, DO YOU THINK SQUIDWARD IS TAKING THIS ALL TOO FAR?

HE'S ONLY A BLOCK AWAY.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF IT, SARGE?

LOOKS LIKE A FULL-SCALE RIOT.

I'M CALLING FOR BACK-UP, GET ME THE CANINE UNIT.

[SHOUTING]

[LAUGHS]

[BARKING]

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE?

[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING...]

[GROWLING AND BARKING]

WAIT, WAIT, YOU STUPID WORMS.

[SCREAMS]

I WAS SUPPOSED TO RETIRE THIS WEEK.

LET'S GIVE 'EM A GRAND FINALE THEY'LL NEVER FORGET.

[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

HUH, WHAT IS THAT?

[LAUGHS]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS.

[SLIDE WHISTLE WAVERS]

NOW YOU'RE IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, SQUIDDY.

[SLIDE WHISTLE WAVERS UP AND DOWN]

THIS IS GREAT.

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHS]

WELL, PLANKTON FINALLY GOT WHAT HE DESERVED.

WHOA...[TRUCK HORN HONKS]

STOP.

[SOBS]

[SLIDE WHISTLE SLOWLY PLAYS HIGHER]

HA, I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE. [LAUGHS]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS AND TRUCK HORN HONKS]

I DON'T WANT TO STOP.

UM, SQUIDWARD?[HORN HONKS]

ARE YOU SUREYOU DON'T WANT TO STOP?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, NITWIT?

UP AHEAD.

WHAT "UP AHEAD"?

[♪...]

[HORN HONKS]

[LOUD CRASH, EXPLOSION]

[CHEERING]Man: JUSTICE!

[CHEERING]

[PLAYING FUNEREAL MARCH]

Woman: DR. FORREST, DIAL 118, PLEASE, DR. FORREST.

YOUR FRIEND IS VERY LUCKY.

IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT SLIDE WHISTLE GETTING LODGED IN HIS THROAT

THE RESCUE TEAM MIGHT HAVE NEVER FOUND HIM.

HIS YELLING, OR WHISTLING, I SHOULD SAY

UNDER ALL THAT RUBBLE SAVED HIS LIFE.

DOCTOR, WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE WHISTLE IN HIS THROAT?

UNFORTUNATELY, WE DON'T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO REMOVE IT YET.

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, HE CAN STILL COMMUNICATE WITH IT.

WOW, SQUIDWARD, LISTEN TO YOU.

YOU'RE GETTING BETTER ALREADY.

HERE, WE'LL HELP.

[GROANING] [FLATLINING][SLIDE WHISTLES PLAYING ALONG]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS UP AND DOWN]

[LAUGHING]

[SLIDE WHISTLE WAVERING UP AND DOWN]

[LAUGHING]

[♪...]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]