Original subtitles

Captioning Provided By: MTV NETWORKS

ARE YA READY, KIDS?Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

I CAN'T HEARYOU.

Kids [SHOUTING]: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

♪ OHH... ♪

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHIN' YOU WISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ READY? ♪

All: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

Captain: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

[WHISTLING]

[WAVES CRASHING, GULLS SQUAWKING]

[♪...]

SpongeBob: ♪ OHH... ♪

♪ HOW MUCH CHUM COULD A SEA SLUG CHUG IF A SEA SLUG COULD CHUG... ♪

[GASPS]

MR. KRABS, YOU GOTTA GET OUT HERE.

It's a code blue situation!

PLEASE DEPOSIT 25 CENTS TO CONTINUE THIS CALL.

UH, SURE THING, MR. K.

[DING]

MR. KRABS, YOU GOTTA GET OUT HERE!

It's a code blue situation.

CODE BLUE?

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BOY?

I THINK PLANKTON WANTS TO DESTROY OUR WAY OF LIFE.

MAN ALIVE, HE'S TAKING US DOWN.

[LAUGHS]

GET READY, KRABS, FOR THE SURPRISE OF YOUR LIFE.

BRACE YOURSELVES.

HUH?

PLANKTON'S DESTROYING THE CHUM BUCKET?

[LAUGHS] I GUESS HE'S FINALLY GIVEN UP ON THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS.

COULDN'T TAKE THE COMPETITION.

WHAT IS THAT?

GREETINGS, CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM.

BEHOLD MY IMPERIAL CHUM COLISEUM.

I VOW TO INTRODUCE TO THIS FAIR CITY CULTURE

IN THE FORM OF HAND-TO-HAND GRAPPLING.

[CRICKET CHIRPING]

I INTEND TO ENRICH YOUR LIVES CULTURALLY

BY EXHIBITING THE MOIST SPECTACLE OF GLADIATORS IN MORTAL CONFLICT.

MY CORPORATE UNDERWRITERS TOLD ME TO MENTION THAT IT'S FREE.

[CHEERING]

COME ONE, COME ALL.

REMEMBER, KIDS LOVE GLADIATORS.

WOW, REAL LIVE CONFLICT?

FOR FREE?

LET THE HORROR SHOW BEGIN.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

[LAUGHS]

OH, KAREN, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE JUST A FRIGID MACHINE

YOUR CIRCUITS MUST BE WELLING UP WITH EMOTION AT MY LATEST ACHIEVEMENT.

Karen: OH, YES, MY RESISTORS ARE SIMPLY GUSHING FROM THEIR COPPER FOIL TRACES.

THIS WILL PROVE TO BE MY GREATEST EVIL SCHEME EVER.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU TRIED TO BOIL KRABS IN A GIANT BISQUE.

I CAN STILL FEEL THE BURNS.

WHICH IS WHY I'VE REMOVED ALL MOLTEN LIQUID FROM THIS MANEUVER.

AND IT'S WHY THIS TIME IWILL BE THE ONE WITH ALL THE CUSTOMERS

AND KRABS WILL BE THE PATHETIC ONE IN AN EMPTY RESTAURANT

STUCK WITH A COMPUTER FOR A WIFE.

UH, SORRY, HONEY.

[GROANS]

WOW, LOOKS LIKE PLANKTON FINALLY HAS SOME CUSTOMERS.

I AGREE... IT'S VERY SUSPICIOUS.

AND HE MAY HAVE LURED A FEW OF OUR FAIR-WEATHER CUSTOMERS IN WITH SOME CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT

BUT OUR LOYAL CUSTOMERS KNOW QUALITY WHEN THEY TASTE IT.

SO LET'S GET IN THERE AND SERVE 'EM UP A BURGER THEY TELL THEIR GRAND-GUPPIES ABOUT.

[GASPS]

WHERE'S ALL ME LOYAL CUSTOMERS?

THEY'VE ALL TAKEN THEIR GRAND-GUPPIES TO SEE THE GUTS AND GORE ACROSS THE STREET.

GRR... THAT LOWER LIFE FORM CAN SLANDER ME NAME AND DESECRATE ME MOTHER'S GRAVE...

I'M RIGHT HERE.

BUT WHEN HE STEALS ME CUSTOMERS, THEN I PUSH BACK.

GENTLEMEN, TO THE COLISEUM.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING...]

THIS REEKS OF EVIL, AND I'M GONNA SNIFF OUT THE SOURCE.

[SNIFFING]

WELCOME, ONE AND ALL...

TO THE FIRST BIANNUAL BIG ARENA OF ANNIHILATION.

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING...]

WHOO!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOURS TRULY.

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET THE MAULING BEGIN.

[WHISTLES] ALL RIGHT.

YAY.

[ROARS]

[CHEERING]

WHOO!

ISN'T THIS A BOATLOAD OF FUN, SQUIDWARD?

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE POOR SUCKER WHO HAS TO GO UP AGAINST THAT BEAST.

YOU CALL THIS FUN?

THIS IS JUST CHEAP, UNCULTURED LAY SPORT.

NOW RELEASE THE OPPONENT.

YES, GO!

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING...]

[ROARING]

[LAUGHING]

PATRICK?

HOW COULD THEY?

THIS IS HORRIBLE. [SOBS]

THIS IS FABULOUS. [LAUGHS]

ENOUGH DILLY-DALLYING.

SEND OUT THE BLOOD SAUSAGES.

[NEIGHING]

OH, LOOK.

[ROARS]

[LAUGHS] THAT PINK DIMWIT DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE

WITH THOSE SAUSAGES AROUND HIS THROAT.

AS SOON AS THE SMELL OF SAUSAGE HITS THAT RAVENOUS LIONFISH'S NOSTRILS

HE'LL BE ALL OVER PATRICK LIKE MOLD ON A SHOWER CURTAIN.

RIP HIS SAUSAGES OFF!

[SNARLING]

WHOA... NICE KITTY.

HERE, KITTY, WANT A SAUSAGE?

A NICE, DELICIOUS, TASTY...

SAUSAGE.

[ROARS]

SPAWN OF A GEFILTE FISH.

I CAN'T SIT HERE AND WATCH THIS.

THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND OUT THERE.

[SHOUTS][NEIGHS]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING...]

HUH?

PATRICK!WHAT?

OH, OH, IT'S YOU.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDY?

NO TIME FOR CHITCHAT, GET IN.

HURRY UP, NELLIE.

BOO!

BORING... I WANT TO SEE SOME BODY PARTS.

MOM...

[LIONFISH ROARS]

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I ORDER A SIMPLE BRUTAL MAULING FOR MY DENIZENS, AND I GET A CIRCUS ACT.

TIME FOR PHASE TWO.

CHUM ON A STICK, GET YOUR FRESH CHUM RIGHT HERE.

SOME CHUM FOR YOU, MISS?

WELL, ALL THIS WAITING AROUND FOR SOMEONE TO GET MAULED ISMAKING ME A BIT HUNGRY.

HERE, TAKE THIS ONE.

IT'S FRESH AND WARM, LIKE MY HOSPITALITY.

WHY, THANK YOU.

JUST $10, PLEASE.

TEN DOLLARS?

WHY WOULD I PAY $10 WHEN I CAN GO ACROSS THE STREET AND GET A KRABBY PATTY FOR $1?

EXACTLY.

[GROWLS] YOU DON'T GET THIS KIND OF ENTERTAINMENT WITH A KRABBY PATTY, DO YOU?

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

TEN DOLLARS OR THE FIGHT'S OFF.

FINE, WHATEVER.

THERE YOU ARE.

I'M SURE I'VE MADE A SATISFIED CUSTOMER OF YOU ALREADY.

[SPITTING]

THAT WAS APPALLING.

WHAT WAS IN THAT?

OH, JUST THE USUAL INGREDIENTS.

SOME JELLYFISH SQUEEZINGS, WHALE BLUBBER, SEAHORSE SNOUT, AND A SPRINKLE OF ANCHOR RUST.

[COUGHING]

[VOMITS]

OH, BARNACLES, THAT'S FOUL.

[CROWD MURMURING]

Fish: DID YOU SEE THAT?

NOW... I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 20 YEARS TO HAVE THE AMOUNT OF CUSTOMERS KRABS SEES EVERY DAY

AND I WON'T LET THAT BE RUINED BECAUSE THE SHOW'S BORING

OR THE FOOD'S INEDIBLE.

SO SIT DOWN, ENJOY THE SHOW, AND BUY SOME CHUM.

[CROWD MURMURING]

WHAT'LL WE DO NOW, PATRICK?

DON'T WORRY, I'M ALREADY DOING IT.

NO!

PATRICK, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR EATING.

NOW IS THE TIME TO AVOID BEING EATEN BY THAT GIANT... HUH?

[MEOW]

[ROARS]

THAT'S IT, PATRICK.

HE'S NOT CHASING US.

HE'S CHASING THOSE TASTY, TENDER, DELICIOUS, SUCCULENT SAUSAGES AROUND YOUR NECK.

[SHOUTS]

[ROARS]

CHUM ON A STICK, GET YOUR CHUM.

WHAT THE... OOF!

[GROWLS]

OH, GREAT, NOW HOW AM I GONNA ENTERTAIN THE MASSES?

[LIONFISH ROARS]

HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE...

[ROARS]

OH, DEAR. [SCREAMS]

[ROARING]

[CROWD CHEERING...]

[ROARS]

WHOO... GOOD THING I THOUGHT AHEAD WITH THAT ESCAPE DOOR.

TRY AND CATCH ME NOW, YOU PRISSY FELINE.

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS] NO!

[ROARS]

NICE KITTY... WANT SOME CHUM? [WHIMPERS]

YOU KNOW I'M NOT ONE TO GIVE OUT COMPLIMENTS LIGHTLY

BUT I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU BOYS, IF YOU DIDN'T THROW THOSE SAUSAGES INTO THE AUDIENCE

WE WOULD'VE BEEN DEAD MEAT.

MY PLEASURE, CAP'N.

YEAH, THANKS, BUDDY.

YOU REALLY SAVED MY BEHIND.

NO JOKE.

I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY THAT NO MATTER HOW DIABOLICAL PLANKTON'S PLANS MAY BE

HE'LL NEVER HAVE THE LOYALTY... [SNIFFS] OF ME GOOD CUSTOMERS.

ONE KRABBY PATTY, PLEASE.

BUT OF COURSE, MY GOOD CUSTOMER.

THAT'LL BE $10.

TEN DOLLARS, WHAT HAPPENED TO $1?

[CLEARS THROAT] PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO OUR FINANCIAL EXPERT.

[ROARS]

[STAMMERS] STUPID INFLATION.

THANKS FOR YOUR BUSINESS.

[LAUGHING...]

[LIONFISH ROARS]

[♪...]

[OFF-KEY HORN PLAYING...]

SOUNDS LIKE SQUIDWARD ATE AT MARIO'S LAST NIGHT.

[LAUGHS]

GOOD THING NO ONE'S AROUND TO NOTICE HIS EMBARRASSING...

[GASPS] THOSE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS.

SQUIDWARD WILL DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT IF THEY HEAR HIS DILEMMA.

POOR SQUIDWARD.

HE MUST BE IN TOO MUCH PAIN TO MAKE COURTESY NOISES.

[INHALES]

I'LL COVER FOR HIM.

[OFF-KEY HORN PLAYING...]

WHOA!

SORRY, FELLAS.

THIS SURE IS A NOISY TROWEL.

[RASPBERRY]

LISTEN TO THIS THING.

[RASPBERRY]

[LAUGHS]

OH, I REALLY SHOULD GET IT...

LA-LA-LA-LA... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

[GIBBERING CONTINUES...]

SPONGEBOB, CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?

I AM TRYING TO HONE MY MUSICAL TALENT HERE.

YOU MEAN THAT WASN'T GASTROINTESTINAL DISTRESS?

AND YOU GUYS...

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT BILLBOARD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY MUSICAL GENIUS?

WELL, SORRY, BUT SOME OF US RATHER ENJOY THE BIKINI BOTTOM SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA.

BIKINI BOTTOM SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA?

AND WE FIND THEIR PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENTS TO BE QUITE INTERESTING.

Squidward: ORIGINAL COMPOSITIONS WANTED?

ME, A FAMOUS COMPOSER?

[CHEERING...]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

[♪...]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE...]

[LAUGHS]

THAT WOULD BE NICE.

[KISSING]

EW.

WHOO-HOO, YEAH, YEAH!

YOU'VE REALLY MADE HIM HAPPY.

I KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE.

OK...

OK.

[SIGHS]

PULL IT TOGETHER, SQUIDWARD.

PUT YOUR GAME FACE ON.

AH, THAT'S BETTER.

TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THIS ONE, SQUIDWARD, OLD BOY.

[HAMMERING...]

[SCREAMS]

DUE TOMORROW?

[SCREAMING]

ONLY ONE DAY TO WRITE MY MASTERPIECE.

DON'T WORRY, SQUIDWARD, WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER.

NO!

GET OUT!

PATRICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M FUNNY.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T NEED ANY HELP, SQUIDWARD?

NO, THANK YOU.

I AM A SOLITARY ARTISTE.

[BOTH GRUNT]

OH... SPONGEBOB?

YES, PATRICK?

I THINK I BROKE MY BOTTOM.

[LAUGHING]: OH, BROKE YOUR BOTTOM, OH, PATRICK, YOU'RE A CARD.

WHOA...

YEAH... [GROANS]

[GROANS]

OH... MUCH BETTER.

HEY, PATRICK, I THINK YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR.

I CAN'T SEE A DOCTOR.

MY JOB DOESN'T PROVIDE ME WITH HEALTH INSURANCE.

WHAT JOB IS THAT?

EXACTLY.

[LAUGHS] I AM A GENIUS.

SpongeBob: THE DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU NOW, MR. STAR.

[AIR HISSING]

[POP]

MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.

CAN'T YOU TWO BE QUIET FOR ONE DAY?

MY COMPOSITION IS DUE TOMORROW.

OH, NO... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

MY PATIENT IS VERY SICK.

HEY, I BROKE MY BUTT.

OH... [SIGHS]

BECOME FAMOUS, REVENGE LATER.

HMM.

Squidward: COME ON...

[GROANS]

BE INSPIRED...

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Chorus: ♪ AHH... ♪

[♪...]

BRILLIANT.

[PATRICK SHOUTS]

[♪...]

[PATRICK SHOUTS]

NO!

[SOBS] WHY?

WHY, WHY, OH, WHY?

[SOBS]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[TICKING]

[SCREAMS]

MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-MMM.

[PATRICK GROWLS]

AHH...

[PATRICK SCREAMING...]

[SQUEAKING]

Patrick: WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO.

[CRASH]

[POP]

[CLANK]

[SQUEAKING]

[CRASH]

[TICKING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[PUNCHES LANDING]

[SQUEAKING]

[DING]

I DID IT.

[KISS]

[LAUGHS] YES.

I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT, AND I DID IT. [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS] DID WHAT?

Squidward: WHOO-HOO... [LAUGHING]

HERE YOU GO, MAESTRO... MY MASTERPIECE.

HMM... OH, VERY UNUSUAL.

I THINK WE HAVE OUR WINNER, MR. TENTACLES.

GOOD EVENING, MUSIC LOVERS OF BIKINI BOTTOM.

TONIGHT IS THE PREMIERE OF A NEW SYMPHONY

WRITTEN BY ONE OF OUR OWN, SQUIDWARD TENTACLES.

[♪...]

[HUMMING]

[PATRICK GROANING...]

[♪...]

[PATRICK GASPS]

Squidward: HUH?

[CRASH]

[PATRICK SCREAMS]

[STOPWATCH TICKING...]

[SCREAMS]

I WROTE DOWN EVERYTHING I HEARD? [GULPS]

Fish: IS THIS THIS MODERN STUFF?

OH...

[PATRICK SCREAMS]

[♪...]

[PATRICK SCREAMS]

THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK.

[♪...]

[SQUEAKING]

Patrick: WHOA.

WHOO!

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

[SCREAMING]

[CLANKING]

[AIR HISSING]

[EXHALES]

[♪...]

MMM... MM-HMM.

[♪...]

[GIGGLES]

[FLATULENCE]

[BELCHES]

MM-HMM.

[SCREAMS]

[AIR HISSING]

[♪...]

[SQUEAKING]

WHOO!

MM-HMM.

[GIGGLES]

[FLATULENCE]

[GROANS]

[AIR PUMPING...]

[POP]

[♪...]

[AIR SQUEAKING...]

[♪...]

[SQUIDWARD GRUNTS]

[CRASH]

THAT POOR GUY.

[SQUEAKING]

[MUSIC ENDS]

PATRICK, GET OFF OF ME.

[GROWLS]

[CRICKET CHIRPING...]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE...]

Fish: OOH, NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC.

THAT LITTLE YELLOW GUY IS AWESOME.

LET US NOT FORGET THE TUBBY STARFISH.

OH, YEAH, BUT THE REAL GENIUS IS THE COMPOSER.

Audience: SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD...

SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD...

WOW, SQUIDWARD, THEY REALLY LIKE YOU.

JUST DON'T GET A SWELLED HEAD.

[POP]