Original subtitles

Captioning Provided By: MTV NETWORKS

ARE YA READY, KIDS? Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

I CAN'T HEARYOU.

Kids: [SHOUTING] AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

♪ OHH...

♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Captain: ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Captain: ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHIN' YOU WISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Captain: ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪

Kids: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Captain: ♪ READY?

All: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Captain: ♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ♪

[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

[WHISTLING]

[WAVES CRASHING... SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

[♪...]

[BUZZING]

BREAKER, BREAKER, OUTER PERIMETER LOOKS CLEAR, OVER.

UH, ROBERT, ROBERT, UH, RONALD, RONALD.

RYAN.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO SAY ROGER?

Patrick: Oh, wait, I got it, I got it.

RINGO.

[BUZZING...]

PATRICK, WE HAVE VISUAL CONTACT.

NOW TAKING EVASIVE ACTION.

SUBJECT STILL IN CLOSE PROXIMITY, OVER.

HELLO?

PLEASE REPLY.

I WONDER IF I COULD ORDER PIZZA WITH THIS THING.

PLEASE.

CONTACT IMMINENT, PATRICK.

RESPOND NOW, PLEASE.

Please.

SPONGEBOB, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO SPEAK UP.

MY EARDRUMS AREN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE.

I CAN'T SPEAK UP, PATRICK.

THERE'S A JELLYFISH OVER HERE, AND I'M WORRIED IT MIGHT STING ME IF I MAKE ANY LOUD...

[SCREAMING]

NOISES.

OOPS.

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

IS HE STILL AFTER US, PATRICK?

I DON'T KNOW, BUDDY.

SHOULD WE TURN AROUND AND CHECK?

OK.

[SCREAMING]

OOH, I THINK I LANDED ON MY PAIN CENTER.

I THINK I LANDED ON A ROCK.

[GASPING]

PATRICK, LOOK.

THERE'S A WEIRD THING STICKING OUT OF THE GROUND RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S JUST SQUIDWARD SUNBATHING AGAIN.

NO, NOT THAT, PATRICK.

THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING BURIED UNDERNEATH IT

AND I'M GONNA GO GET SOME SHOVELS SO WE CAN DIG IT UP.

WE?

[SHOVELS CLANKING]

[SIGHING]

NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE MANUAL LABOR TO PUT SOME HAIR ON YOUR CHEST, EH, PATRICK?

I'LL SAY.

PLUS, LOOK AT WHAT WE UNEARTHED: A U.F.O.

GO ON, YOU FIRST.

KIND OF DARK, HUH?

YEAH, DARK.

WELL, THERE'S GOT TO BE A LIGHT SWITCH AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

FOUND IT.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

HEY, PATRICK, LOOK.

WE'RE MOVING.

AND HERE'S THE STEERING WHEEL.

OH, HOLD IT, SPONGEBOB.

YOU'D BETTER LET ME DRIVE.

GIVE ME THAT WHEEL.

NO, LET GO.

I WANT TO DRIVE.

[CRASHING]

[SIGHING]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SQUIDWARD.

WHERE ARE ALL THE CUSTOMERS?

I KNOW THE KRUSTY KRAB ISN'T BIKINI BOTTOM'S MOST PRESTIGIOUS EATERY

BUT AT LEAST IT'S BETTER THAN THAT SALTY OLD CHUMBUCKET ACROSS THE STREET

AND THAT'S OUR ONLY COMPETITION.

AM I GETTING PAID EXTRA FOR THIS CONVERSATION?

COME ON, SQUIDWARD.

CAN'T YOU JUST PRETEND TO LISTEN FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE?

DO IT FOR OLD MR. KRABS.

[SIGHING]

WELL, SINCE YOU CAN'T BRING ANY CUSTOMERS INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BRINGING THE KRUSTY KRAB TO THE CUSTOMERS?

QUIET, SQUIDWARD, I'M BRAINSTORMING.

OOH, OOH.

WHAT IF, INSTEAD OF BRINGING CUSTOMERS TO THE KRUSTY KRAB

WE COULD BRING THE KRUSTY KRAB TO THE CUSTOMERS?

♪ LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA ♪

WHY, YES, OF COURSE.

BUT HOW?

CAN WE PARK HERE?

HEY, MR. KRABS.

LOOK WHAT PATRICK AND I FOUND.

WE'RE GONNA USE IT TO GO ON A LONG JOURNEY.

OR EVEN AROUND THE BLOCK.

THAT'S IT.

WE'LL TAKE THE KRUSTY KRAB ON THE ROAD.

SO LONG, LAD.

MAKE ME LOTS OF MONEY.

BYE, SQUIDWARD.

BYE, MR. KRABS.

BYE, SQUIDWARD.

YOU SAID "BYE, SQUIDWARD" TWICE.

I LIKE SQUIDWARD.

A TRAVELING RESTAURANT, EH?

IT'S NOT FAIR.

I HAD THAT IDEA YEARS AGO.

NO MATTER.

IF MR. KRABS WANTS TO PLAY DIRTY

THEN PLANKTON'S READY FOR HIS TURN TO TAKE HIS TURN.

[PLANKTON LAUGHING...]

HELLO.

HELLO.

COULD I INTEREST YOU IN A KRABBY PATTY?

NO THANKS.

NOW WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW, PATRICK.

MR. KRABS SAID, IF WE DIDN'T FIND CUSTOMERS, NOT TO COME BACK.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE OUR FIRST CUSTOMER, SIR.

UH, YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE.

SpongeBob: WAIT.

WE'LL PAY YOU.

HEY, THANKS AGAIN, GUYS.

GOOD LUCK WITH THE RESTAURANT.

THANK YOU, SIR.

COME AGAIN.

THOSE NINCOMPOOPS ARE BETTER SALESMEN THAN I SUSPECTED.

[ALARM BLARING]

Woman: Customer approaching.

Plankton: HELLO, LITTLE BOY.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CHUM BURGER?

UH, DOES IT COME IN RASPBERRY?

UH, NO.

BLUEBERRY?

NO.

UM... RASPBERRY?

OH, COME ON, KID, YOU ASKED ME THAT ALREADY.

NOW QUIT WASTING MY TIME.

HEY, YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY SON THAT WAY.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

I'M PLANKTON, YOU OLD HAG, AND YOUR SON SMELLS LIKE BOOGERS.

HEY, YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY WIFE THAT WAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT, FATTIE.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

HEY, YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY GRANDSON LIKE THAT.

SOMEONE OUGHT TO PUT YOU IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL.

SOMEONE SHOULD PUT YOU IN A BOX FLOATING DOWN THE RIVER, GRANDMA.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

WHAT THE?

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

NO, CONTROLS MALFUNCTIONING.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

HEY, PATRICK?

YEAH?

WEREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ON KITCHEN DUTY?

OH NO, YOU BURNED ALL THE PATTIES.

IT'S HARD AS A ROCK.

HOW'RE WE GONNA FIND SOMEBODY WHO'LL BUY THESE?

[GRUNTING]

[GLASS BREAKING]

HEY, THE ROCKS ARE ALL GONE.

AW.

FOLKS, HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE...]

ALL RIGHT, GET HIM!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

WON'T MR. KRABS BE SO PROUD OF US WHEN HE FINDS OUT HOW GOOD WE'RE DOING?

SEE ANY NEW CUSTOMERS, PATRICK?

NO, BUT I SEE A SIGN.

IT SAYS, "WARNING: AB EYES?"

HERE, LET ME SEE.

NO, PATRICK, THAT SAYS "ABYSS."

Patrick: OH, OK.

WHAT'S AN ABYSS, SPONGEBOB?

AN ABYSS IS A BOTTOMLESS...

CHASM!

PAT, WE'RE FALLING!

AND NOW WE'RE BATHED IN AN EERIE RED LIGHT!

YES, YES!

[ALARM BLARING]

AND NOW, A DEAFENING WARNING SIREN.

[IMITATING ALARM]

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

LOOK, PATRICK.

WE FLOATED BACK UP OUT OF THE DEEP, DARK, DEPRESSING, HORRIBLE ABYSS.

[CREATURE GROWLING]

WHO ARE YOU CALLING DARK AND DEPRESSING?

[STAMMERING]

WE DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY, MISTER SEA MONSTER, SIR.

UM, WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS, ARE YOU HUNGRY?

HUNGRY?

I'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR 79 YEARS, WHICH MEANS MY LAST MEAL WAS 79 YEARS AGO.

YES, I'M HUNGRY.

WELL THEN, TRY ONE OF OUR KRABBY PATTIES.

[MAKING EATING NOISES]

MM, THAT'S THE BEST THING I'VE TASTED SINCE THAT SEWAGE SPILL BACK IN '76.

I'LL TAKE 640 OF THEM.

WHOO-HOO!

ORDER UP.

[MAKING EATING NOISES]

NOW THAT THOSE TWO ARE OUT OF THE PICTURE

ALL THE CUSTOMERS'LL COME RUNNING TO ME.

THIS CALLS FOR "DRASTICEREST" MEASURES.

OK, YOU BUMS, TIME FOR THE SECOND COURSE.

CHUM CHARGES.

[SCREAMING]

SPONGEBOB, OUR HOME'S BEEN BREACHED.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

NO.

NEITHER DO I.

YES!

[LAUGHING]

I SUNK THE KRUSTY KRAB.

I SUNK THE KRUSTY KRAB.

I SUNK THE... OH!

EH, WHO NEEDS THAT RUSTBUCKET ANYHOW?

COME ON IN THERE.

I WANT MORE SANDWICHES.

SPONGEBOB, LOOK.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A LIQUID.

SpongeBob: NO, IT'S A SOLID, IT'S A SOLID.

IT'S A "LOL-SQUID."

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?

HEY, THAT LOOKS LIKE A SANDWICH TO ME.

NOT JUST A SANDWICH.

IT'S A "CHUMWICH."

MM.

NOW THAT'S A SANDWICH.

ANYTHING ELSE BEFORE WE SHELL OFF?

I WANT DESSERT.

WE DON'T HAVE DESSERT.

DON'T GIVE ANOTHER PENNY TO THOSE FAST FOOD PHONIES.

THAT'S RIGHT, THEY STOLE MY IDEA.

MY, MY, MY...

[GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]

HEY, A CHOCOLATE ECLAIR.

NOW THAT LOOKS LIKE DESSERT TO ME.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG, SEE?

[SCREAMING]

HERE YOU ARE, MR. KRABS.

JUST LIKE NEW AGAIN.

NOW ALL WE GOT TO DO IS KEEP SPONGEBOB AWAY FROM...

WE'RE BACK, MR. KRABS.

TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT, MR. KRABS.

WE HAD SO MANY NEW CUSTOMERS.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.

TELL ME ABOUT THE MONEY.

THERE WE WERE, AT THE BOTTOM OF A DEEP, DARK ABYSS, AND WE HAD TO LET GO OF SOMETHING HEAVY.

AND PAPER.

YOU LET GO OF ALL THE MONEY I EARNED AS BALLAST?

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, WE DID MANAGE TO BRING BACK 37,000 POUNDS

OF THESE DECORATIVE DEEP SEA ROCKS.

[♪...]

WHERE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND NOW, SPONGEBOB?

WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS T-SHIRT, IT SAYS MY BEST FRIEND IS RIGHT HERE.

[LAUGHING]

HOW ABOUT NOW?

RIGHT BY MY SIDE.

[LAUGHING]

WOW, CLOTHING THAT ANNOUNCES OUR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER.

LET'S GET 'EM, PATRICK.

CAN I HELP YOU, BOYS?

I BELIEVE YOU CAN.

MY BEST FRIEND AND I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE...

[SOBBING]

PATRICK, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

YOU FOUND A NEW BEST FRIEND.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU...?

[SCREAMING]

WAIT, NO, THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

[SOBBING]

PATRICK, LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU.

EXCUSE ME, BUT DOES THIS COME IN...

NO!

YOU'RE NOT MY BEST FRIEND.

WE GOT TO DITCH THESE OUTFITS.

THEY'RE SENDING OUT THE WRONG SIGNALS.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

WE NEED NEW OUTFITS TO SHOW OUR BEST "FRIENDINESS," PAT.

YOU MEAN LIKE THOSE GUYS?

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

YEAH, JUST LIKE THOSE GUYS.

[SPONGEBOB SIGHING]

BEST FRIEND OUTFITS LIKE THESE REALLY MAKE A STATEMENT.

LOOK AT THESE GUYS.

WHOA, I LIKE THAT ONE.

HEY MISTER, WHERE DID YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GET YOUR MATCHING OUTFITS?

OH, NO, THESE AREN'T MY FRIENDS.

IN FACT, I HATE JUST ABOUT EVERYONE HERE

BUT MY LOVE FOR HISTORICAL BATTLES IS SO GREAT

I JOIN THESE LOSERS EVERY YEAR TO REENACT THE BATTLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM.

THERE WAS A BATTLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM?

[GASPING]

WELL, DUH, SPONGEBOB.

IT'S ONLY THE MOST SIGNIFICANT EVENT IN BIKINI BOTTOM HISTORY.

A LONG TIME AGO, THE TOWN WAS DIVIDED INTO TWO GROUPS

THOSE WHO SPENT ALL THEIR TIME WASHING THEIR HANDS LIKE SOFTIES...

CLEAN AS A WHISTLE.

Patrick: AND THOSE WHO HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO WITH THEIR TIME.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

[SIGHING]

WELL, LOOKS GOOD TO ME.

THAT IS TRULY DISGUSTING.

OH YEAH?

YOU CAN'T GO AROUND OUR TOWN TOUCHING THINGS WITH THOSE FILTHY MITTS.

OH YEAH?

YES.

[GRUNTING...]

WASH YOUR HANDS.

NEVER.

AND THAT'S HOW WE WON OUR RIGHT TO WASH AS WE PLEASE.

THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED.

YOU DON'T WASH YOUR HANDS, PATRICK?

NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL.

BLECH.

DOES THAT BOTHER YOU?

HUH, SPONGEBOB?

THEY ONLY HAD ONE ICE CREAM CONE.

THAT'S OK.

THANK YOU, FRIEND.

SO ANYWAY, I SAID...

WAIT.

YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR TONGUE.

REALLY?

HERE, I'LL GET IT.

THANK YOU.

FRANKLY, YES, PATRICK, THAT DOES BOTHER ME.

WELL THEN I GUESS WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

[GRUNTING]

DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?

YOU ARE... UM...

HOW DO YOU SPELL "NOT MY FRIEND?"

OH, COME ON.

WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.

WE'LL START A NEW LIFE.

JUST YOU, ME, AND THIS CAN OF DISINFECTANT SPRAY.

COME ON IN, PATRICK.

HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT FOR YOU.

NO THANK YOU.

I HAPPEN TO LIKE MY VARIOUS SMELLS AND GERMS.

BUT BEING CLEAN IS SO MUCH BETTER.

WELL, SAYS YOU.

I LIKE DIRTY.

CLEAN.

DIRTY.

CLEAN.

UH, EXCUSE US, BUT WE HAVE A BATTLE TO REENACT.

FINE.

IF THAT'S HOW IT IS, THEN I AM JOINING THE OTHER SIDE.

FINE, ME TOO.

OH, COME ON.

LET'S GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

HAH, GOT YOUR NOSE.

HEY, GIVE IT BACK.

NOT UNTIL YOU WASH YOUR HANDS.

OH YEAH?

WELL, I GOT YOUR EYEBALLS.

[GIGGLING]

HUH?

[LAUGHING]

WHOA.

EW, BRAIN JUICE.

DO YOU GIVE UP YET?

SORRY, PATRICK, BUT A FILTHY SLOB LIKE YOU

IS NO MATCH FOR A CLEAN-CUT FELLOW LIKE ME.

YOUR PANTS ARE FALLING DOWN.

REALLY?

I'LL FIX IT.

SATISFIED?

THERE, YOU LOOK GOOD NOW.

YOU COULD USE A MAKEOVER, THOUGH.

UGH, LOOK AT THOSE FEET.

WHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM?

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

[GRUNTING]

NO, NOT A PEDICURE.

[SCREAMING]

NO, NO, NOT THAT.

ANYTHING BUT THAT.

NOT NAIL POLISH.

YOU SICK LITTLE MONSTER.

FACE MY MORNING BREATH.

YOU, SIR, COULD USE SOME DENTAL HYGIENE?

WHO, ME?

MY TEETH ARE FINE, SEE?

A LITTLE TOOTHPASTE, AND YOU'LL HAVE TEETH LIKE MINE.

[SCREAMING]

YOU GOT TO BRUSH IN LITTLE CIRCLES.

[LAUGHING]

[GURGLING]

[SCREAMING]

MINTY FRESH.

TASTE PIT, EVIL-DOER.

[GRUNTING]

YOU'RE A STINKY, STINKY SEA STAR.

I THINK YOU COULD USE A SHOT OF THIS.

NO, NO, NOT, NOT DEODORANT.

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

MY BEAUTIFUL PIT-STINK.

IT'S GONE.

THE GLOVES ARE OFF NOW.

IT'S BOOGER TIME.

OH, BOOGER "SHMOOGER."

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A NOSE.

OH YEAH?

[GROANING]

[GASPING]

[SCREAMING]

BOOGER!

[SCREAMING]

RUN!

RUN, MR. KRABS.

PATRICK IS DIGGING FOR GOLD.

[SCREAMING]

GOLD?

[LAUGHING]

DID YOU GET ANY OF PATRICK'S GOLD?

HE'S NOT DIGGING FOR ANY GOLD I'M LOOKING FOR.

AH-HA.

I'VE GOT YOU NOW.

CAREFUL, PATRICK.

I'VE GOT A WEAPON.

[GRUNTING]

UGH, RAW ONIONS.

[SOBBING]

THAT DOES IT.

SEE THIS?

A KRABBY PATTY?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, EAT IT?

OH, I'M NOT GOING TO EAT IT.

NO, NOT PATTY SOCKS.

THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR PRECIOUS PATTIES ON MY STINKY FEET.

YOU BETTER STOP THAT.

[LAUGHING]

STINKY, LITTLE FEET.

OOH, YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.

HOPPING...

CRABS.

[GASPING]

HEY, I GOT MY FILTH BACK.

NOT FOR LONG, MR. STINKY SHORTS.

YOU WON'T HAVE YOUR FILTH ONCE I USE THIS ON YOU.

NO, NOT SOAP.

YOU WOULDN'T DARE.

TRY ME.

STAY BACK.

I'LL DO IT.

IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

MY BEAUTIFUL FILTH.

IT'S GONE.

I'M SQUEAKY CLEAN.

[GRUNTING]

I'M COVERED IN MUCK AND SCUM.

MAN, TO GET MY FILTH BACK, I'LL HAVE TO WALLOW IN MUD FOREVER.

IT'LL TAKE WEEKS FOR ME TO GET CLEAN.

I'LL NEED 20 BATHS A DAY.

SLATHER TOE JAM ON MY ARMPITS.

I'LL HAVE TO DISINFECT MY EYEBALLS.

SMEAR SLIME ON MY TEETH.

AND DRY CLEAN MY UVULA.

[LAUGHING]

ALL RIGHT!

NOW THAT I'M FILTHY, I CAN SPEND ALL DAY GETTING CLEAN.

AND SINCE I'M CLEAN, I CAN GET EVEN FILTHIER.

THANKS, SPONGEBOB.

NO, PATRICK, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND EVER.

Man: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

THIS BATTLE ISN'T OVER UNTIL WE HAVE A WINNER.

FRET NOT, MY FRIEND, FOR I HAVE LEARNED THE TRUTH.

IT MATTERS NOT WHETHER ONE IS DIRTY OR CLEAN

FOR CAN CLEANLINESS EXIST WITHOUT FILTHINESS?

AND WOULD WE KNOW FILTHINESS WITHOUT CLEANLINESS?

WE MUST NOT REENACT THE HISTORY THAT DIVIDES US.

RATHER, WE MUST EMBRACE THAT WHICH DRAWS US TOGETHER.

ALL MUST BE FREE TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN PATH.

RIGHT, FRIEND PATRICK?

SQUEAKY CLEAN.

SQUEAKY, IT'S SQUEAKY.

MM-HM.

HE HAS EMBRACED THE TRUTH.

WOW.

I THINK THE LITTLE YELLOW GUY HAS TAUGHT US A VALUABLE LESSON.

AND WHAT IS THAT, MY SON?

THAT REENACTING BATTLES IS REALLY LAME.

COME ON, GUYS.

LET'S PLAY SOMETHING MORE MANLY, LIKE FOOTBALL.

OR HOCKEY.

OR KNITTING FLUFFY SWEATERS.

YEAH!

COME, PATRICK.

MY WORK HERE IS DONE.

[♪...]