Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS: Aye, aye, captain.

I can't hear you!

KIDS: Aye, aye, captain!

Ohh--

[THEME MUSIC]

THEME SONG: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.

SpongeBob SquarePants!

If nautical nonsense be something you wish.

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Ready?

SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants,

SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants!

[LAUGHING]

[IMITATING FLUTE]

NARRATOR: We take you now to Encino, California,

where we find the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants

fan club-- flipping burgers?

Oh, hey, kids.

Potty and I took jobs flipping burgers

so we could be just like our hero, SpongeBob SquarePants!

Bawk!

I took the job for the free soda.

Squawk!

Potty, don't you have dishes to wash?

Squawk!

Aargh!

Oh, hey, kids.

Say hello to my boss, Mr. Pirateson.

Aargh!

One order Scurvy Fries.

One large bilge water.

Aargh!

Aargh!

Diet bilge water.

I'll get right on it, sir.

Ah!

Hey, you.

What's hiding here?

Oh, Potty.

You're just in time to try me new pirate patties.

I call this one "Buried Treasure."

Where'd you dig that one up?

Bawk.

This one's called "Walk the Plank."

I'm already bored with that one.

This one will blow that little bird brain of yours.

Behold the "Patchy Patty."

Ahoy!

Aw, that's the worse one yet.

Bawk.

Potty Parrot, you are never supportive of me!

I don't want to be your friend anymore!

Bawk!

I never want to see you again!

Ah, Patchy, no!

[CRYING]

You know, this isn't the first time that a patty has

come between two good chums.

It happened once in Bikini Bottom.

Here, take a look while I pull myself together.

[BUMPER MUSIC]

Something ain't right.

For me?

Don't you find this a tad suspicious?

Suspicion doesn't hold a candle to birthday wishing.

[INHALES LOUDLY]

Surprise!

[SCREAMING]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

Ah!

Disengage!

MR. KRABS: Me secret formuler!

Happy birthday, Krabs!

Don't forget your condiments, Plankton.

That a boy, SpongeBob.

Safe!

You'll rue the day we were born, Krabs!

I'll be back!

Oh, barnacles.

[SCREAMING]

Why, Mr. Krabs?

Why does he hate us so?

Well, you might as well blame me, SpongeBob.

There was a time when Plankton and I were best friends.

Best friends?

Friends at birth, you might say.

Even as wee ones.

Goo.

[IMITATING POPEYE LAUGH]

[FAWNING SOUND EFFECT]

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): Things were all peaches and cream.

[FAWNING SOUND EFFECT]

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): Until we hit grade school.

Hey, Plankey.

What you doing?

Oh, just a little something I thought I'd try out.

[LAUGHING]

Idiots!

I'll show you with science!

This concoction's going to blow everyone away!

[EXPLOSION]

[LAUGHING]

How's this for a science experiment,

Mr. Brain-a-tron 5000.

[SCREAMING]

They'll pay for this one, eh, Eugene?

Darn tootin'!

Hey, barnacle brains!

I think you owe Plankton an apolergy.

You're right.

Plankton, I'm sorry.

Sorry you have to hang out with rag boy!

[LAUGHING]

Yeah.

Where'd you do your clothes shopping?

In the trash can?

[LAUGHING]

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): It was true.

I did get me clothes from the trash.

You see, when I was growing up, times were tough.

Me mother had to fashion me clothes from rags.

There you go, son.

Your outfit's all finished.

Well, it's a good thing Old Man Jenkins was kind enough

to spare his last washcloth.

Oops!

I missed a spot.

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): Then one day

while Plankton and I plotted our revenge, I met the love of me

life.

What in Neptune's net is that?

It's the most beautiful thing me eyes have ever seen.

What is it?

It's money.

Money!

Yeah.

You could buy things with it.

Buy things?

So I spent it on a gift for me best pal, Plankton.

[SCREAMING]

Wow!

Got your secret recipe, Mr. Krabs.

You have no idea what that went through to get here.

I got a pretty good idea, yeah.

Well, if you guys were such great friends, what happened?

Yeah, Mr. Krabs.

What did happen next?

Yeah, I really want to know.

Listen up, Squidward, because this is where it gets juicy.

It all began at a place called Stinky Burgers.

It was the only place to get a burger.

The kids loved Stinky Burger.

[CHATTER]

[LAUGHING]

Yay!

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): And Stinky loved the kids.

What can I do for you, young-ins?

Uh, Mr. Stinky?

I'll have one burger, please.

Me too, Stinky!

Oh, now, now, kids.

There's plenty of burgers for everyone.

Yay!

That's why we like you so much, Stinky.

You always deliver the goods!

We don't "like" Stinky, we respect him.

Well, which one is it, kids?

Do you like or respect me?

Like!

Respect!

Like!

Respect!

STINKY: OK, let's just meet in the middle

and say you "lie-spect" me.

[CHEERING]

Excuse us!

Valuable customers coming through.

What are those dorks doing here?

Two Stinky Burgers, please.

Did your brains dribble out over the sidewalk

you slept on last night?

If it's burgers you want, go around back.

CROWD: Yeah, Stinky!

Thanks for keeping the nerds out!

You're the best, Stinky!

OK, that's enough, kids.

Gather around, children.

There's something I want to tell you.

What I have to say is very important.

If you remember just one thing for the rest of your life,

remember that without your kind patronage,

I'd be a penniless loser like rag boy.

[KNOCKING]

Do you two have kelp for brains?

Don't you understand?

If you two yahoos keep coming around,

you'll drive away all the normal customers.

I've worked too long and too hard to make this

a "lie-spectable" business.

As it is, I can barely afford the essential things in life.

Is it quitting time already?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to enjoy

some of life's essentials.

Did you hear that, Krabs?

By cooking burgers for those cretins, he was

able to gain their "lie-spect."

Did you see that fat stack of loot.

I bet if someone made a better burger,

we'd have a better stack of loot.

But who has the ability to make such a burger.

Who has the skill?

Skill, schmill, Krabs baby.

Who needs skill when science is on your side?

We'll make that burger, and when we do, we will rule the school!

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

I miss Potty.

I remember the first we met.

If I could only hear his voice.

Less talking and more working, Cap.

Potty!

You came back to apologize.

I came to tell you to get back to work.

You can't tell me what to do, you-- assistant manager?

How did you get to be assistant manager?

A little thing called a GED, my man.

Oh, here we go with the fancy book learning.

Customers love me cooking.

Why, we're almost out of doggy bags.

[PUKING]

Oh, Potty.

What am I doing wrong?

You just need some practice is all.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

[COUGHING]

The patty's done.

Smells like an actual poop deck.

Oh, fine.

I'll try it then.

By the crime of befouling me tastebuds,

I order you to walk the plank!

Ah.

Oh, well.

I bet SpongeBob's first patty didn't go so well either.

Bawk.

Roll film.

[BABY TALK]

[LAUGHING]

A perfect patty on the first try.

D'oh!

I'll make a potty patty out of you!

You're unsanitary, Patchy.

You keep hamburger meat in an old boot.

Well, that's what gives it its special flavor.

POTTY: You've got rats in the kitchen.

D'oh, I brush and shampoo them daily.

Who's Patchy's little princess?

Oh!

Don't-- do that!

And you can wash your hands after using the bathroom.

What?

Every time?

That's not all.

This is a step in the right direction.

What kind of a pirate wears a hairnet?

The same kind that wears a "Kiss the Cook" apron.

Well, you never know, Potty.

I might get lucky.

You hear that ladies?

Patchy is available?

Now I feel sick.

That's it, you feathered snake!

This time you've gone too far!

Bawk!

You missed.

Bawk.

Is that all you got?

Bawk-- now you've done it.

MR. PIRATESON: Aargh!

Aargh!

Yes, Mr. Pirateson.

You kids watch the rest of the cartoon,

while I watch Potty get fired.

MR. PIRATESON: Aargh!

Coming, Mr. Pirateson.

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): So we went

back to our secret hideaway-- the dump--

to prove to those chowderheads that a burger could

be semi-edible and easy to swaller.

We made sure to keep careful record of our progress.

PLANKTON: Gently.

Gently!

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): We finally

emerged with the best-looking burger under the sea!

We went back to Stinky's to run our Patty

in those kid's greasy faces.

But Stinky's had been shut down by the order

of the health department.

So we seized the opportunity and converted

our hang out into a restaurant.

[LOUD HORN]

Our venture into capitalism began.

$1, please.

There you are, sir.

MR. KRABS (VOICEOVER): It was me first dollar I'd ever earned,

and it t'was also the beginning of a beautiful, romantic

relationship with money.

KID: Hey!

Your burgers are even worse than Stinky's.

We can barely keep them down.

If it wasn't for Stinky's shutting down,

no one would eat here.

Now give me a burger, I'm starving.

Just look at them, Eugene.

The very people who ridiculed me are now feasting on my recipe.

I thought it was our recipe.

I'm ruling their stomachs.

And soon I will be ruling their minds!

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER, THUNDERCLAP]

But what about satisfying the customer?

Barnacles to the customer!

I'm talking about ruling the world!

[LAUGHING, THUNDERCLAP]

And with this secret recipe, nothing will stop me.

Give me that!

Stop!

You're going to bust it!

Ah!

Burgers aren't for ruining worlds!

I'm terribly sorry, Eugene, I couldn't hear you.

Could you come closer?

Maybe stand on the tile in front of you?

Which one?

The one that says "eject" or the one that says "trap door."

Oh, either one will do.

What I was saying was-- (YELLING)

you'll regret this one day!

And he always did.

Lies!

[EXCLAIMS]

MR. KRABS: Whoa, hold on there, me boy.

We don't need to go through all that again.

Very touching, but completely false.

Don't know what you mean.

Why don't you tell him the truth?

It did happen that way, didn't it, Mr. Krabs?

Most of it is true, except for what really happened!

We had created the tastiest burger.

That's when things became unsavory.

First, I rule their stomachs.

And then their money!

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER, THUNDERCLAP]

But what about satisfying the customers?

Barnacles to the customers.

[EXCLAIMS]

I'm talking about coins, cash, wallets, bank accounts!

With this secret recipe, nothing will stop me!

Give me that!

Stop!

You're going to bust it.

This isn't about money, Eugene.

Milarky.

You'll regret this one day!

PLANKTON: Our little squabble only got me part of the recipe.

Gosh, Mr. Plankton.

That doesn't sound like the Mr. Krabs story at all.

KAREN: That's because it isn't.

Karen?

They're both liars.

That's not how it happened at all.

In those days, I was just starting out

as a security system.

Plankton and I met when he installed me.

It was only our third date.

Anyway, I recorded the whole thing in my databanks.

Now that's a handsome looking burger.

You said it, old chum!

Attention, get your Plankton and Krabs' patties right here.

You think it was a good idea to open in a dump?

What's that music?

I know that theme song anywhere.

It's Old Man Jenkins.

Old Man Jenkins!

I've just been searching for some new shoes for Old Bessey.

You help me mom and me through some tough times.

It would be an honor if you'd be the first to try

our delicious burgers.

Why, I'd be happy to.

Yay!

MR. KRABS: "Plab Patty" KOs Old Man J. I can't believe

we poisoned that sweet old guy.

Well, he is old.

Hey.

That guy's like family to me.

Well, it was your fault the patty was tainted.

You're the one who put too much seaweed sauce in the burger.

You let it sit out too long.

That's what did it.

I'm taking the recipe and fixing it.

No way!

That recipe's mine!

Stop!

You're gonna-- You want to fight over this recipe, I'll give you

a fight you'll never forget!

Well, that's ruined.

But, no use letting this go to waste.

These kids'll eat anything.

I've done it.

I discovered the perfect patty batter!

KAREN (VOICEOVER): Meanwhile, Plankton was

back at the elementary school.

But this he was going it alone.

PLANKTON: Ah!

Oh, no you don't.

This is my turf.

I think not, rag boy!

What?

Why I oughta squash you right now, you little--

Get out of my face!

[GROWLING]

Hey, look.

Nerd fight!

I've got $5 on rag boy.

A-ha!

We'll let the customers decide whose burger's better.

Step right up, gents.

Get a delicious Chum Burger right here.

Big Johnny will eat anything.

Have a Chum Burger, Johnny, sir.

KAREN (VOICEOVER): Plankton, he had pieced together

his own creation using memory and science.

Go on, sir.

Tell your buddies what you think.

I'm going to try one of rag boy's burgers.

Here you are, sir.

You are the first to taste a Krabby Patty.

Flavor!

Edible!

We can actually hold it down!

This is the most flavortastic sensation

my still developing taste buds have ever experienced!

I'll show you, Krabs!

I'll steal that cursed recipe from you one day,

and I won't stop 'til I do.

My recipe was, is, and always will be the best!

You wouldn't have that recipe if it weren't for me.

You calling me a liar?

Will you men stop yelling at each other?

I can't believe you let a recipe ruin

such a wonderful friendship.

You were my only true friend that didn't have

a president printed on him.

But money doesn't hug back.

My life has been nothing but a long line of disappointment

since we became enemies.

All these years I've been trying to steal your formula.

But I was really just trying to steal back our friendship.

Really?

It's all I ever really wanted.

To get back to the way it used to be.

You and me against the world.

How about a hug, Krabs old pal?

I'd like that, Planky old chum.

[SOBBING]

Doesn't it warm your heart, Karen?

I suppose it would.

If I had one.

I'm sorry, Krabs old buddy.

Me, too.

Me, too.

Now, Karen!

Back off, rag boy!

[LAUGHING]

Sabotage!

Go, Karen!

Ho, that Plankton never learns, does he, kids?

As for me, I decided to take some time

off to catch up on me reading.

You didn't take time off.

You got fired!

Hey!

You got fired too.

I've got a golden parachute.

Well, at least I know they'll never be able to replace me.

Squawk.

Looks like they already did.

What?

They let a smelly, hairy flea bag like that serve food?

[MUTTERING]

PATCHES: Don't, please!

I have a tomato allergy.

Ow!

Right in the bun.

Ow!

Ooh, ow!

NARRATOR: And so, kids, always remember to follow your dreams.

Unless you're Patchy.

Then just stay in bed.

[MUSIC PLAYING]