Original subtitles

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS: Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

[louder]: Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

[laughs heartily]

[plays airy tune]

[whistling]

BOTH: It's here!

Behold, Patrick!

The official Goofy Goober back scratcher!

And it only cost me 52 box tops.

Whoa.

Ooh. Mm-hmm.

Oh...

Oh!

Whoo!

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Let me try!

Ahh...

Uh... Patrick,

that's not the back scratcher.

That's my arm.

Oh. Sorry.

You know, we shouldn't keep this all to ourselves.

We should let Squidward try it out.

Yeah! Onward...

...to Squidward's house!

SQUIDWARD: Go away!

To Sandy's house!

Hey, Sandy, you gotta see this.

Sandy?

What's going on here?

Sandy, are you okay?

[shuddering, sputtering]

What's wrong, Sandy?

They're coming! They're coming!

The chimps are coming? Who?

My bosses!

They're coming for an inspection!

I've worked day and night for a week,

but none of my inventions are any good.

If I don't have a real impressive

invention by this afternoon,

they'll cut my funding,

and I'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.

Oh, come on, Sandy.

I'll bet you invented lots of useful things.

This helmet looks impressive.

What's it do?

It lets you talk to nuts. What use is that?

SpongeBob to Peanut. Come in, Peanut.

[shortwave radio beeping]

What's it saying?

It says... "It's dark in here."

Got anything else, Sandy?

There's my nuttachino machine.

It makes a nice hot, frothy cup of any nut you choose.

[grinding, shrieking]

And lastly, my fully automated nutcracker.

[beeping]

[beeping]

Oh! I can't even make a simple nutcracker.

So, it's got a few bugs.

Patrick and I'll help you fix it.

Right, Patrick?

Patrick?

[ecstatic moaning]

Everything'll be fine.

Oh, it's no use, SpongeBob.

I just have to face facts.

I'll be leaving Bikini Bottom because...

I'm a failure.

We can't let Sandy leave, Patrick.

What'll we do?

They're looking for an invention, right?

Right.

So let's start inventing!

Yeah!

It's time to get serious, Patrick.

Right!

[crashing]

I made an invention!

It's a stick that you can draw or write stuff with.

That's a pencil, Patrick.

It's already been invented.

[crashing]

Ooh! Ooh! This is a good one.

It's a glass ball that lights up,

so you can see in the dark.

Light bulb, already invented.

[grunting] [crashing]

SpongeBob. I know this one will work.

I've invented a parallel universe.

That's a mirror, Patrick.

It's already been invented.

[groans]

Somebody keeps stealing my ideas.

[strange accent]: Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea.

[grunts]

Ohh... I give up.

I'll never invent anything.

[acoustic guitar plays]

♪ So long, Bikini Bottom ♪

♪ I can't leave without a good-bye ♪

♪ But please don't think bad of me ♪

♪ If'n I start to cry ♪

♪ So long, Bikini Bottom ♪

♪ There's so many things I'll miss ♪

♪ From your smoggy, crowded city ♪

♪ To your stingin' jellyfish ♪

♪ This town is filled with many things ♪

♪ That I've come to love ♪

♪ From the birds that fly upon the ground ♪

♪ To the flowers up above ♪

♪ Farewell, Bikini Bottom ♪

♪ Now, I really hate to go ♪

♪ 'Cause the things I'll miss the most of all ♪

♪ Are the friends I've come to know. ♪

[both bawling]

I'm ashamed of myself, Patrick.

I gave up too quickly.

We'll build Sandy's bosses an invention so amazing,

they'll give Sandy funding forever.

[electrical zapping]

[small explosion]

[sloshing]

[laughing]

We've done it, Patrick!

We created the greatest invention

the world has ever seen!

Patrick, they're here!

Who? Sandy's bosses.

The reason we spent all afternoon inventing.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Good day, gentlemen.

Allow me to introduce ourselves.

I am Professor Percy.

This is Dr. Marmalade.

At your service.

And this is Lord Reginald.

Charmed.

You guys talk funny.

Say more words!

We are the board of directors

of Tree Dome Enterprises Limited,

and we are here to ascertain

if Miss Cheek's inventions are up to snuff.

Why, everyone in town has benefited

from Sandy's scientific knowledge.

Before Sandy showed up, I used to be a scrawny weakling.

And I used to be dumb.

[goofy laughter]

Quite.

And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?

My name is SpongeBob.

And I am Professor Patrick.

Professor?

Doctor Professor Patrick.

Don't mind him. You know how interns are.

Where is Miss Cheeks?

She should be back any moment.

I thought she ran away

because she couldn't invent anything.

Patrick.

That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick to you!

Don't you think it's time to show them Sandy's invention,

Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick?

Good idea.

Well?

Hey, you'rethe unpaid intern.

You do the work.

Gentlemen, I can say without exaggeration,

that this is the most important invention

in the history of the universe.

I give you...

the Automatic Back Scratcher,

Hair Comber, Nose Picker and Ukulele Tuner 9000!

This is where our research money went?

Uh-huh. Isn't it great?

An automatic back-scratcher, hair-combing

nose-picking ukulele tuner.

Yes, well, I've heard thatclaim before.

Yes. How do we know this contraption works?

Let's see a demonstration.

Step right up.

You look like you've been neglecting

your personal hygiene.

Me?

Are you sure this is safe?

As sure as I'm a doctor professor.

Patrick, don't you think we should test it?

Okay.

[rumbling]

That's not exactly what I had in mind.

Lord Reginald, are you all right?

Oh, I say.

This is splendid.

Oh, absolutely splendid.

What's this? Oh, marvelous.

This machine has evacuated my nostrils

of unwanted residue in a manner most pleasant.

Good work, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.

Thank you, lowly assistant.

Oh, I say, now it's feeding me delicious pudding.

Pudding, I don't remember that part of the invention.

And now it's tuning my ukulele.

[sour note]

[machine crashing]

Ouch! Ooh!

I say, was that necessary?

You, sir, are impertinent.

Oh, dear.

[agonized shrieks]

Lord Reginald, are you all right?

[shrieks, explosions]

I'm sorry, was that a yes?

Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick, what is the meaning of this?

It's okay.

The horrible screaming

means that it's working.

Oh, I really wish Sandy were here.

All aboard!

Will this bus take you somewhere

when you've got nowhere else to go?

It sure does.

We make stops in Quittersville,

Failuretown and Loserburg.

[screaming]

What in tarnation?

[screaming]

What's with all the monkey business?

[shrieks]

[laughing] Sandy!

SpongeBob.

What the heck is going on here?

[thumping]

Ouch.

It works! It works!

Lord Reginald, are you all right?

I seem to have ruptured my pomposity.

We shall commence closure of this establishment

immediately.

Frankly, I'm beginning to question

the economic benefits of underwater tree domes.

Doesn't make much sense when you get right down to it.

I'm sorry, Sandy.

We were trying to keep you in Bikini Bottom,

but all we did was ruin your chances to stay.

I was about to be fired anyway.

Thanks for trying to help, SpongeBob.

You, too, Patrick.

That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.

Don't push it.

Sorry.

We are departing, Dr. Marmalade.

My word. All of this excitement

has drastically reduced my potassium levels.

Good gracious.

Can it be?

Try it again.

Oh! It is!

It is!

It's the banana peeler

we have been searching 117 years for.

[excited chattering]

Wow, Sandy, they're going bananas for your nutcracker.

Yeah.

PERCY: Well, Miss Cheeks,

I must say,

you have exceeded expectations.

It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered,

but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract

with a substantial pay rise.

I accept.

BOTH: Hooray!

I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks.

Great things.

Perhaps you could put your talents

toward that automatic poop-throwing machine

that's eluded us for so long.

Now, now. One miracle at a time.

ALL: Good-bye.

Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do

with this infernal contraption.

My turn!

Whoo-hoo!

[screaming]

All right!

[bell ringing]

Curse this cursed, ghostly fog.

I can barely see past me own nose.

Argh.

[screams]

[screams]

[grunting]

Me ship.

[dialing phone]

Hello, roadside assistance?

I've got a bit of a flat!

My location where I'll be staying?

Business or residence?

Residence.

Argh!

The Flying Dutchman!

What are you doing in my house?

I'm stuck here while me ship is being repaired.

Till then, I'm here to haunt ya!

[laughs maniacally]

[screams]

Squidward! Squidward!

Squidward, help!

Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ooh!

Ow! Oh! Ee! Ee! Ow! Oh!

Squidward, you have to help me!

There's a gh-gh-gh, a ghost in my house!

SpongeBob, how many times do I have to tell you

I don't believe in ghosts, and I never liked you?

Patrick!

Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!

Patrick, you've got to help me!

The Flying Dutch... man.

[Gary crying]

Gary!

[gasps]

Don't you dare hurt my little Gary!

Aw, I just wanted to pet the little guy.

There, there, Dutchie's not gonna hurt you.

I love me a good snail.

[screams]

[meow]

[meow]

Gary!

[Dutchman laughs maniacally]

Nothing better than giving a good scare!

Argh!

[laughing]

It's okay, Gary.

Don't get too comfortable!

Good night, Gary.

[screams]

[laughs]

[screams]

[laughs]

[laughs nervously]

[sighs]

[sighs]

Hmm?

[sighs]

[laughing evilly]

[screams]

Hmm?

Um, Dutchie, is this gonna be much longer?

Why aren't you freaking out, lad?

Well, you've been here a while,

and, uh, I've seen all your tricks.

What are you trying to say?

Eh.

I know when I'm washed up.

I've been doing the same material for years.

Scaring is a young man's game.

It's time to give up the ghost.

No pun intended.

Oh, no, no.

I meant that I'm just used to it, that's all.

Don't lie to me.

You've just got to scare someone other than me.

Hmm...

Mind if I test it out?

Yeah, this does feel comfortable.

[bell rings]

Could you excuse me a moment?

[snoring]

[growls]

[mutters]

Grr!

Rah! Rah!

Boo! Rah!

Ah, forget it.

So, what do you think?

[screams]

[growls]

It's official.

I'm not scary anymore.

Just what kind of talk is that?

You're just off your game, that's all.

Maybe I just need a break.

Take some time off, you know?

Sure, relax a little.

Maybe stay with a friend for a while.

On a comfy couch in a pineapple.

Just for a little while longer?

Till I get back on me feet?

[glass breaking]

Hey, champ, how's it... [screams]

Turn it up! Turn the knob up!

Whoo!

Who'd guess we have so much in common?

You like teddy bears; I like teddy bears.

You like ponies; I like ponies.

Is that a wedding ring?

Oh, this? Oh, it's nothing.

[laughs]

What is going on around here?!

Come on, SpongeBob, don't be a stick in the mud.

Look out below!

[laughs]

[screams]

How was that?

Even better the third time.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no!

Everyone, get out!

All righty, boys, party's over.

Time to scoot honey.

[burping]

Dutchie, do you want to spend eternity on this couch?

Well, it is comfy.

Look in the mirror.

You're a ghost of your former self.

Ah, you're right, SpongeBob.

I'm pathetic.

Yes, you are.

But we're going to raise you up from your squalid condition

through the use of visual aids.

Watch now.

What in barnacles is it?

A journey into self-awareness.

[screams]

The power within. The power within.

[whispering]: The power within.

[whispering]: The power within.

The power within.

The power within. The power within.

The power within.

[echoing]: The power within.

The power within.

The power within!

Yeah!

[sobbing]

That was beautiful.

Now get off of that couch and into your clothes, Dutchman.

It's time to get serious.

Let's start you off easy.

You think you can take that old lady down there?

What, are you kidding me?

Scaring her is too easy.

Now that's the Flying Dutchman I know.

Let's see you put those words into action.

No problemo, compadre.

[thunder]

[Dutchman screaming]

Yargh!

Lonnie, is that you?

What? No!

'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman!

[screams]

Lonnie, there's this great new product called toothpaste.

I think you should try it.

Let's hit it!

[straining]

[laughs]

Dude, look at your pecs.

You're phenomenal.

Truly a hard body.

Look at those guns.

[screams]

[gasps]

[chuckles] Now he's got him.

My latissimus dorsi has gone flabby.

I've got to get to a rowing machine.

Ah.

It's no use, SpongeBob.

I can't seem to scare anyone.

Maybe people just don't believe in ghosts anymore.

Wait a minute!

I think you just gave me the answer to all your problems.

[whispering]

...goblins... [whispering]

...guilt trip... [whispering]

[humming]

[humming]

Huh?

Squidward! Squidward!

What's going on?

Why haven't you called me?

Mother?

Why haven't you called your mother?

[screams]

Uh, Squiddums loves his mama.

Why don't you call me then?

Why don't you call me? Why don't you call me?

[clarinet playing]

I heard you don't believe in ghosts!

Ghosts?

As in the Flying Dutchman!

[laughs maniacally]

[screaming]

There's no such thing as ghosts.

No such things.

No such thing as ghosts?

No such thing as ghosts?!

You don't believe in ghosts?!

[heavy breathing]

SpongeBob?

[laughs maniacally]

Ooh.

Scary.

No!

No!

That's impossible!

Ghosts! Ghosts!

Dutchie, it worked!

You got your scare back.

And me confidence, too.

Now I feel like I could scare

the living criminy out of anybody!

All thanks to you, my boy.

And maybe your ship will be repaired soon.

Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob.

My ship's been done for three months now.

Well, it was nice rooming with ya.

[bell ringing]

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.

I left you a little something something for all your trouble.

Now it's high time for me to ruin more souls.

[laughs maniacally]

[gasps]

[growling]

[SpongeBob laughs]

Good ol' Dutchie.[burps]