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1
00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:09,817
Buenas tardes, Doctor Maracas!
2
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,252
Hya!
3
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,520
Argh!
4
00:00:15,157 --> 00:00:17,825
Yeah! You did it.
5
00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:20,595
Now let's go eat
some birthday cake.
6
00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:26,267
Oh yeah, nothing like a celebratory
piece of birthday cake
7
00:00:26,335 --> 00:00:28,669
after a successful
bad guy massacre.
8
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,973
I'm so sorry, darling, we are
fresh out of birthday cake.
9
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,309
Impossible! Every
day is my birthday!
10
00:00:35,377 --> 00:00:36,737
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait!
11
00:00:36,779 --> 00:00:39,447
- How's the ham?
- Eh. It's pretty decent.
12
00:00:39,515 --> 00:00:41,195
Hey, maybe you should
try the ham, Axe Cop?
13
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,518
They say change is good.
I know ham is good.
14
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:47,321
No! I don't like
trying new things!
15
00:00:47,389 --> 00:00:49,223
Just take a bite, buddy.
If you don't like it,
16
00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:51,102
- you don't have to finish it.
- You're Axe Cop!
17
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:54,829
Fine. I'll try it.
18
00:00:54,897 --> 00:00:59,400
Um, we would me gusta four quatros of
your most bueno hammos, por favor.
19
00:00:59,468 --> 00:01:01,869
Here's your ham, boys.
20
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,004
Yes!
21
00:01:05,808 --> 00:01:08,009
Ack.
22
00:01:08,076 --> 00:01:13,481
Hmm... Mmm... Mm-mmm!
24
00:01:13,549 --> 00:01:17,285
- So, you like it?
- I don't just like it, I love it!
25
00:01:17,352 --> 00:01:20,321
I love ham so much that
from this day forward,
26
00:01:20,389 --> 00:01:23,624
I'm going to dedicate my life
to the enjoyment of ham!
27
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:27,028
Because ham is even better
than birthday cake!
28
00:01:27,095 --> 00:01:29,764
One day, at the
scene of the fire,
29
00:01:29,832 --> 00:01:32,200
the cop found the perfect axe.
30
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:35,937
That was the day
he became Axe Cop!
31
00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:38,172
_
32
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,274
So, he had tryouts
and hired a partner.
33
00:01:40,342 --> 00:01:41,465
_
34
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:44,011
_
35
00:01:44,079 --> 00:01:46,080
I will chop your heads off!
36
00:01:46,081 --> 00:01:48,581
Sync & correction by
f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
37
00:01:50,252 --> 00:01:53,621
I've built the world's
greatest ham restaurant
38
00:01:53,622 --> 00:01:56,991
here in Washington, DC, the
ham capital of America.
39
00:01:57,059 --> 00:02:01,729
May I introduce Chef Philip, the
greatest ham cook on Earth.
40
00:02:01,797 --> 00:02:04,565
Oh, ooh-la-la, you are
too kind, Axe Cop.
41
00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:07,301
You have really fallen hard
for the swine, my friend.
42
00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:10,304
Ahem. A ham toast.
43
00:02:10,372 --> 00:02:14,141
To ham!
44
00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:17,445
- This is amazing.
- Keep it coming, Chef Philip.
45
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:20,181
Because we're never leaving.
46
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,253
Ugh, I didn't know I
could eat that much ham.
47
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,588
It's just a shame all
those pigs had to die.
48
00:02:27,656 --> 00:02:30,157
Oh, we don't kill them. We
only take the hind legs.
49
00:02:30,225 --> 00:02:31,926
The pigs get little carts.
50
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,363
You're adorable!
51
00:02:35,430 --> 00:02:40,835
In the name of God, put
down that ham immediately!
52
00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:43,454
Seriously, God told
me to tell you that.
53
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,774
He sent me here. We're friends.
No big deal.
54
00:02:45,803 --> 00:02:47,781
Explain yourself, chicken man.
55
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,338
My name is Mr.
Chicken-Chickenslice.
56
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:53,132
My power is the ability to
shoot chickens out of my brain
57
00:02:53,141 --> 00:02:56,109
when I close my eyes.
This is my story.
58
00:02:57,208 --> 00:02:59,095
There was a time when
I wasn't a good guy.
59
00:02:59,244 --> 00:03:00,941
I was a bad guy.
60
00:03:01,135 --> 00:03:04,235
Back then I used my
powers to commit crime.
61
00:03:06,542 --> 00:03:08,032
Police! Police!
62
00:03:09,538 --> 00:03:11,812
My powers weren't strong
enough to get away,
63
00:03:11,993 --> 00:03:14,530
Not even from the normal police.
64
00:03:15,971 --> 00:03:18,926
And so I went to prison
a very angry person
65
00:03:18,927 --> 00:03:22,404
who did not believe in God.
Then, one day,
66
00:03:22,439 --> 00:03:24,955
I decided I didn't want
to be a bad guy anymore.
67
00:03:25,418 --> 00:03:27,716
And my life started to change.
68
00:03:30,562 --> 00:03:32,897
I volunteered to work
with homeless people.
69
00:03:33,057 --> 00:03:36,344
I told them if they'd
agree to take a shower
70
00:03:36,345 --> 00:03:39,632
and get a job, I would
give them each a chicken.
71
00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:44,901
I became such a good guy
that they let me out early.
72
00:03:45,034 --> 00:03:48,230
From that day on, I've
been God's friend
73
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:52,379
- and I fight for him!
- Wow, that is a powerful story.
74
00:03:52,601 --> 00:03:54,189
Too bad your powers
don't involve ham.
75
00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:56,158
You could save this place
some serious overhead.
76
00:03:56,182 --> 00:03:59,345
- Am I right?
- So, what are you doing here?
77
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,827
Have you looked outside lately?!
78
00:04:04,602 --> 00:04:05,602
What the heck?
79
00:04:05,683 --> 00:04:07,874
While you were enjoying
your delicious ham,
80
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:11,460
Satan and his demons have
taken control of the Earth!
81
00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:18,314
Welcome to Axe Ham, hell beast.
I hope you like ham,
82
00:04:18,546 --> 00:04:21,434
because this is about
to be your last supper!
83
00:04:26,948 --> 00:04:28,584
There are too many of them!
84
00:04:31,550 --> 00:04:34,122
Eating the bad guys is
making them bigger!
85
00:04:34,896 --> 00:04:37,933
Let's start killing them!
86
00:04:38,165 --> 00:04:40,898
No, Axe Cop, Earth
is a lost cause!
87
00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:45,827
Satan's preparing to march on Heaven.
We must go there now and protect it.
88
00:04:46,048 --> 00:04:47,599
How are we gonna get to Heaven?
89
00:04:47,832 --> 00:04:50,853
I have no idea, 'cause that's not easy.
I mean, I'm not ashamed
90
00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:53,875
to say that I've done some
very questionable things in...
91
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:57,265
Shush. Go on, Mr.
Chicken-Chickenslice.
92
00:04:57,552 --> 00:04:59,832
We all hold hands and pray.
93
00:05:01,246 --> 00:05:04,713
Dear God, my friend,
please take us
94
00:05:04,714 --> 00:05:08,180
to Heaven so we can help
you fight Satan. Amen.
95
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:16,774
Bring me all the
evil in the capital!
96
00:05:17,558 --> 00:05:19,887
So hungry!
97
00:05:24,586 --> 00:05:27,323
Now for my ultimate weapon!
98
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:30,209
So pointy.
99
00:05:36,991 --> 00:05:41,524
- Axe Cop, it's beautiful.
- I know. Where's God?
100
00:05:42,499 --> 00:05:44,117
Maybe I can help with that.
101
00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:46,586
God?
102
00:05:46,886 --> 00:05:50,331
No. I'm your real dad that
you don't know about.
103
00:05:50,431 --> 00:05:53,301
That's impossible. Bobber
Smartist was my dad.
104
00:05:53,429 --> 00:05:55,575
He died from eating
poisoned candy canes.
105
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,176
I'm sure he's here somewhere.
106
00:05:57,465 --> 00:06:01,260
Dad! Daddy! Dad, where are you?!
107
00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:04,125
Sorry, son. Bobber and
Gobber Smartist are not
108
00:06:04,126 --> 00:06:06,631
your real parents, and
you are not from Earth.
109
00:06:06,773 --> 00:06:09,039
Let me tell you your
actual origin story,
110
00:06:09,165 --> 00:06:11,225
The one nobody ever knew about.
111
00:06:12,214 --> 00:06:16,373
The planet you're from was destroyed.
You escaped in a meteor.
112
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:19,105
Your mother and I had placed
you in there to save you.
113
00:06:19,229 --> 00:06:22,311
When your meteor crashed into the
Earth, you were thrown from it.
114
00:06:22,536 --> 00:06:24,281
You hit your head so hard
115
00:06:24,282 --> 00:06:26,900
you went into a baby coma
and forgot everything.
116
00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:30,746
When you woke up, your
instincts kicked in.
117
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,591
You began to hunt for food.
118
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,794
Operatives from the
adoption agency found you.
119
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:38,511
Chopper to base,
chopper to base.
120
00:06:38,512 --> 00:06:40,749
Got an orphan down
below, bringing him in.
121
00:06:40,923 --> 00:06:43,560
Soon after, you were
adopted by the Smartists.
122
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,559
They were gonna tell you but
eventually they forgot.
123
00:06:46,985 --> 00:06:49,216
Sometimes old people
forget things.
124
00:06:49,457 --> 00:06:53,321
That was boring. Is it
time to talk to God yet?
125
00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:56,182
Yes. It's time to talk to God.
126
00:07:01,802 --> 00:07:05,014
God, Axe Cop and his
team have arrived.
127
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:06,647
Welcome Axe Cop.
128
00:07:06,889 --> 00:07:10,646
As you know, Satan and his demons
are trying to attack Heaven.
129
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:15,574
God? You're a girl? But all
girls are on the dumb list.
130
00:07:15,932 --> 00:07:18,550
I have no gender. This
is simply my voice.
131
00:07:18,775 --> 00:07:20,608
I just picked the best voice.
132
00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:23,739
- Wrong. I have the best...
- Quiet!!!
133
00:07:23,997 --> 00:07:26,213
I need you to defend
this sacred place.
134
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:29,824
To help, I will give you and your
team angel wings for one day.
135
00:07:30,044 --> 00:07:32,478
Also golden-bladed chainsaws.
136
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,240
Upgrades, yes!
137
00:07:34,466 --> 00:07:36,309
We will gladly fight for you.
138
00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:39,787
But first, I would like to ask you one
important question while we're talking.
139
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,334
Of course.
140
00:07:41,478 --> 00:07:43,672
Is ham the greatest
food ever made?
141
00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:45,631
Eh, it's pretty decent.
142
00:07:45,897 --> 00:07:49,553
Yes! I knew it. God,
we're ready for battle.
143
00:07:49,676 --> 00:07:51,586
Here you go. Bloop.
144
00:07:54,005 --> 00:07:56,867
It's time to kill Satan!
145
00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:04,673
He's got the Washington
Monument, the sharpest
146
00:08:04,674 --> 00:08:07,264
- monument of all!
- That could really hurt som...
147
00:08:07,434 --> 00:08:10,031
Oh! I bet he's gonna
use it to stab God!
148
00:08:10,252 --> 00:08:12,009
How are we supposed
to fight that?
149
00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:14,710
Yah! Stop right there, Satan!
150
00:08:14,969 --> 00:08:17,500
Axe Cop? I've heard about you.
151
00:08:17,743 --> 00:08:21,330
Somehow I expected you to be bigger.
Pathetic!
152
00:08:22,947 --> 00:08:25,944
Is that the best
you've got, God?
153
00:08:26,142 --> 00:08:28,988
I'm coming for you, old friend.
154
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,452
He's too big! What
are we gonna do?
155
00:08:32,797 --> 00:08:36,561
The way I figure it is, if the
devil got big eating bad guys,
156
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,264
then you can get big
eating good guys.
157
00:08:39,417 --> 00:08:41,651
I already thought of that.
158
00:08:43,331 --> 00:08:47,758
- That's my boy.
- Team, start eating angels!
159
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,336
Son, don't talk with
your mouth full.
160
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:52,174
I'll try to make this as
painless as possible.
161
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,833
- I wont chew, I'll just swallow.
- Awesome!
162
00:08:56,104 --> 00:08:58,100
Now you get to go
to Heaven-Heaven.
163
00:08:59,696 --> 00:09:04,463
God, I'm here for
you, scaredy-cat!
164
00:09:04,685 --> 00:09:06,435
Now face me!
165
00:09:07,575 --> 00:09:09,511
Ha! Those horns are funny.
166
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:13,080
Are you supposed to be like
a scary ram or something?
167
00:09:13,198 --> 00:09:15,282
Ooh, I'm so scared of Satan.
168
00:09:15,487 --> 00:09:18,590
You will be scared when
I put this monument
169
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,660
through your stupid,
glowing head!
170
00:09:20,808 --> 00:09:23,102
This is for kicking
me out of Heaven!
171
00:09:25,991 --> 00:09:29,806
Mr. Chicken-Chickenslice, you
shoot chickens at that monument!
172
00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:32,289
I'll go after Satan!
173
00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:35,768
But I'll never hit a moving target
that fast with my eyes closed!
174
00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:38,704
That's why God gave you ears, Mr.
Chicken-Chickenslice.
175
00:09:38,993 --> 00:09:42,332
Let your ears be your eyes.
Flute Cop, take it away.
176
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:51,950
Nooo!
177
00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:56,087
- I hope you like hell, Satan!
- Huh?
178
00:09:56,212 --> 00:09:59,718
And also dying! Hya!
179
00:10:00,447 --> 00:10:01,891
Timber!
180
00:10:03,997 --> 00:10:06,189
Thanks for saving me, Axe Cop.
181
00:10:06,412 --> 00:10:09,405
I'd like to present you with
a gift for a job well done.
182
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,184
My word, God.
183
00:10:13,471 --> 00:10:16,619
You sure do grow some
large pigs in Heaven.
184
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:19,235
We do. They're very happy here.
185
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:21,004
It was great seeing you, son.
186
00:10:21,202 --> 00:10:24,419
You've grown up to be a
really good Axe Cop. So long.
187
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:26,209
Okay, goodbye.
188
00:10:29,718 --> 00:10:31,738
You're adorable!
189
00:10:32,627 --> 00:10:35,864
Sync & correction by
f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
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