Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Attaboy, Chopper. That's doing your stuff.

Bring up your right hand.

That's it. Bring it up again. MOE: Now try the left.

Come on, Chopper. You gotta do some training.

I'm tired.

We'll work with you.

You can start on the dummy.

[GRUMBLES]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

He means the other dummy.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, cop a sneaker, eh?

[GRUNTS]

[YELPS] [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS, GRUMBLES]

Missed me.

MOE: Why, you...

[ALL GRUNT]

Wait a minute.

I'll take a short count.

The winner and still world's champion, Oscar the Dummy.

Ha-ha-ha. I'm beginning to enjoy this workout.

I even feel like a few rounds of boxing.

That's swell, but we ain't got no sparring partner.

No. No. Not me, fellas.

I never had a glove on in my life.

Besides, I bruise easy.

Oh, don't be a baby. It's all in fun.

I hate fun.

What are you, surrounding me, fellas?

Oh, you gotta do it. Think of the dough.

I'd rather think of my health.

Here. Yeah, we're gonna put this

on your head. Thanks.

We don't want the Chopper to hurt his hands.

Wait. Don't be a coward.

You'll spar a little with the Chopper

and exchange some love taps.

Taps? Yeah, taps.

[GRUNTS] Quiet.

Come on. Wait a minute.

Where did everybody go? Ah, this way.

[YELPS]

MOE: Get in there.

Come on. Come on.

All right. Don't shove me.

[THUD]

Moe, Larry. Help! No!

Wait a minute.

Give me your foot.

Come on here. Come on.

[ALL GRUNT]

You dumb ox, you.

[GROANS]

Now, I know how a gopher feels.

Get these gloves on.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, there's Kitty.

Come on. This way. Come on.

LARRY: Kitty.

Hiya, baby. You're just in time to see the Chopper do his stuff.

Kitty, I want you to meet Chopper Cane,

the next heavyweight champion.

Oh, I'm meeting a champion right now.

Why, you say the sweetest things.

Oh, sugar, you're just about to see

little old Chopper go into action.

Oh, I just love to see a good fight.

Well, you just stick around here.

I'll murder that guy for you. Heh-heh.

Get the victim ready for the slaughter.

Wait a minute, Chopper.

Remember: love taps.

Get him ready.

[CRUNCH]

This won't take long.

Get a load of that Chopper.

Lace that glove.

Yeah, our Chopper's a bit of a wolf.

Yeah, if he moves around the ring

like he moved in on Kitty,

I figure we got a new champion on our hands.

MOE: Is it fixed?

He's fixed, all right.

Wait over there, baby.

What's the matter kid? You nervous?

Just my left hand.

Ah, take it easy.

With a dame around,

the Chopper will box like a perfect gentleman.

Now, when I ring the bell, you come out fighting.

Any blood, ignore it.

Where you going, fellas?

[RINGS]

[GRUNTING]

[FIST POUNDING]

[GONG CRASHES]

SHEMP: I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

My hand slipped. Love taps.

[GROANS]

Love taps.

SHEMP: All right.

Watch this one. Watch... Just watch this.

There goes Shemp with a left jab.

There goes Shemp with a right uppercut.

There goes Shemp with a haymaker.

[CLANG, SPLASH] There goes Shemp.

What's the matter with you?

Easy, boy.

All right. Get him up.

Up you go. Up.

Come on.

What's the matter?

Wait a minute. I'll get it off.

Let me... I know how to do it.

Take your hands off.

Come on. I got a system.

[GRUNTS] Let me have it.

Now, wait a minute. Easy. Easy.

That a boy. Easy, now.

Wait a minute.

[ALL GRUMBLE]

Take it easy, kid. Take it easy.

Easy, kid.

Let me at him. Let me at him.

Quiet, stupid. He's gone.

Oh. Oh, he can't take it, eh? A good thing for him.

I'd have ripped him limb from limb.

Easy, kid. Easy.

Easy. Easy, kid. Easy.

Hey, what's good for a fractured skull?

I don't know. What's good for a fractured skull?

I don't know either.

Is it fractured?

[SHEMP GROANING]

LARRY: Attaboy. Attaboy. Wait a minute.

Too bad, Shemp.

You were way out in front.

That's when I should've quit.

You should have quit before you got started.

Hey, which one of you guys is boss around here?

ALL: He is.

Oh, wise guys, huh?

Well, I got a message for you from Big Mike.

Big Mike? We never heard of him.

You will.

Wait a minute. Are you trying to scare somebody?

MAN: Yeah! Well, okay.

[ALL MUTTERING]

Now, get this straight.

That palooka of yours,

he ain't winning his fight with Gorilla Watson.

Why not? Because Big Mike says so.

But listen... No buts.

Just see that that palooka of yours

gets himself knocked out.

Come on, Chuck.

Ah, they can't do this to us.

I'll call the police. I'll call the fire department.

I'll... I'll call the Marines.

I'll... Shut up!

Oh, that's what I mean. I'll shut up.

What are we gonna do now?

We got every cent we own bet on the Chopper.

We gotta tell the Chopper to throw the fight.

You guys tell him.

I'll be there to pick you up and carry you out.

Maybe musclebrain is right.

We gotta find another way out.

Say, the Chopper went gaga over Kitty.

I'll keep bringing her around, he won't train,

and by fight time, he'll be as soft as putty.

That's it, porcupine.

We'll feed him all kinds of rich food.

He'll soften up, and he'll be a cinch to lose.

That's a swell idea. Am I glad I thought of it.

[ALL TALKING]

Oh, baby, it's swell having you here with me all the time.

I know, but don't you think you oughta start

doing some training?

Oh, think nothing of it.

The Chopper's getting in the condition we want him.

Here, have some cream puffs.

They'll build you up.

It's my favorite fruit. Ha-ha.

LARRY: Well, take some more. We got a lot of 'em.

But, baby doll, if you eat too much of that,

you won't be in shape to knock out Gorilla Watson.

Oh, honey, the way I feel now, I don't wanna hurt nobody.

Honey baby, after lunch,

will you read me another poem about love?

My idea's working out swell. Look at him.

He's so goofy, you could knock him down

with a handful of peanuts without the shells.

Yeah, the way he's packing it in,

the Gorilla will knock him stiff in the first round.

He's sure making a pig of himself.

Look who's talking.

[GRUNTS]

Give me that cake.

Mmm. If I only had some coffee.

[ALL GRUNT]

What's the matter with you?

Let go. You're bending the stripes.

Listen. It's getting late.

I wonder what's keeping the Chopper?

What does your watch say?

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

[GROANS]

Listen. He oughta be here by now.

We gotta get him ready for the fight.

Don't worry about getting him ready.

Worry about carrying him out afterwards.

CHOPPER: Let me at him.

Where's that Gorilla Watson? I'll tear him apart!

Chopper, what happened? What happened?

Me and Kitty had a big beef. That's what happened.

She threw me over for that big gorilla.

Oh, I'll murder him!

Now, now, now, don't be hasty.

Here. Have a cream puff.

I don't want no cream puff. Oh.

Ooh, I'm mad!

Oh, wait till I get him in that ring.

I'm gonna smash him.

I'll smash him like... Like this.

How do you like that guy?

Busted a perfectly good cream puff.

You lamebrain.

We're gonna be rubbed out after the fight,

and you're worried about a cream puff. Why, you...

Gorilla, don't lose your temper

when you got fighting to do in the ring.

Why, you little punk.

Oh, my hand. Oh.

Oh, my gosh, it's busted.

Come in quick. We gotta call this fight off.

This is your fault!

You and your cream puffs. I oughta...

Leave him alone. That's the best break we could get.

With the fight called off, we got nothing to worry about.

By golly, you're right.

I'd like to see Big Mike's face when he finds out what we did.

Well, take a look.

Why don't you stop popping off.

I didn't open my mouth.

You guys figured an easy way out of this jam,

but it ain't gonna work.

Big Mike has got a hundred grand on the Gorilla.

No fight, no 100 grand.

That is bad.

Look. You tell Big Mike...

I'm Big Mike. What do you wanna tell me?

Oh, hello. Isn't it a lovely evening?

Yes, it is.

And when I stand a chance to lose a hundred grand,

I like to do something about it,

like taking my pals for a ride...

a one-way ride.

Wait a minute. Hold on.

[ALL MUTTERING]

Back up against the wall.

Please don't shoot me, Mr. Big Mike.

I'm too young and good-looking to die.

Well, too young.

I got a father. I got a mother.

I got a grandmother.

I got a little sister.

[SOBS] I got a little brother this high,

and a little brother this high, and a little brother this high,

and a little brother this high,

and then, I got a great big brother this high.

[STOOGES YELP]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[SHRIEKS]

[YELPS]

[SHRIEKS]

[YELPS]

[CLANG]

[WHINES] [GROANS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[YELPS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[SHRIEKS] [GRUNTS]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Tired, eh?

Well, so am I.

Hey, Moose. Seen anything of those guys?

Well, we'll get 'em.

Wonder which way they went?

You go that way, and I'll go this way.

Well, what's the matter with you?

[SNORTS]

BIG MIKE: Take that! I'll show you. And that!

Take it easy now, will you?

[MAN YELPS]

Oh, I'm sorry, boss. Really, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it. Honest, I...

[GROANS]

[YELPS]

[GRUNTS]

[LARRY CHUCKLES]

Hey, Moe, I just got one of 'em.

He was standing right here where you are.

Was he a short, fat fella? Yeah.

Dark hair? Yeah.

Did you hit him with that? Yeah.

That was me.

[GROANS, SNORES]

[FABRIC RIPS]

[BOTH YELP]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[MEN YELPING]

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

I just flattened one of 'em.

[SHRIEKS]

What are you doing in there?

Come on. Get out. Get out of there.

Moe, Larry, let me in. Open the door.

I know you're in there. Open up. Come on. Open it up.

Oh, so they're in there, huh?

No. Then who were you yelling at?

I was just talking to myself.

Nobody else will talk to me except my kid brother,

and he's only that high, and the other one is that high.

Why, I met your family before.

Get something to batter the door down.

Wait a minute.

No. No. I got a sharp skull, fella.

Let me go, will you? Look out there. Let me go.

[GRUNTING]

You're crushing my eyebrows.

[MOE AND LARRY CLAMORING]

Oh, boy.

Thattaboy, champ.

Nice work, champ.

I batted a thousand percent in the racket league.

I never thought I was a southpaw.

[CHUCKLES] Why, you...

What's going on here?

Oh, for the love of Pete.

If it isn't Big Mike and a couple of his boys.

Who did it?

I did it with my little hatchet.

Oh, it was nothing.

OFFICER: Nothing? Nothing but a $5000 reward. Good work.

Blood. I'm dying.

Everything is getting dark. Moe. Larry.

[WHEEZES]

What's the matter, kid?

They got me.

Take it easy, kid. Take it easy.

Say a few syllables. We'd better get a doctor.

Wait a minute. I studied medicine for three years.

Good. See what's wrong with him, doc.

[GASPS] Is he hurt?

He's gone.

The poor kid. And I owe him 5 bucks.

Wait a minute. I heard that. Give me the 5.

Lay down. You wanna make a fool out of the doctor?

[ALL TALKING]

What's the matter with you? Cut it out.

Come on, will you?

[♪♪♪]