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THEO AND THE METAMORPHOSES

My parents called me Théo,

but I call myself TO.

I've lived in this house ever since I was born.

I've learned to feel good in it.

My father calls it the forest workshop

because he sometimes thinks he's a lumberjack.

But he's a photographer,

and this is also his photographic workshop.

I decided to become a martial arts master,

trained by my father,

a doctor in demolition.

My father decided to cover the house with burned wood.

It's a Japanese technique.

It protects the wood

and it's called yakisugi.

Why did my father do that?

Why did he dress the house like that?

It's because he doesn't want anyone to know

that it's actually a secret training camp

for peaceful warriors.

But I'm not peaceful.

Maybe that's my problem.

TO AND HIS FATHER

My father

has raised me since my mother left us.

I mean,

she's dead.

At first, I cried.

But then I told myself

that it was pointless.

It's because I realized she no longer existed,

that she's now back in the universe.

That's what our tomb is:

the universe.

I can bring my mother back whenever I want.

One should know that my mother was the first woman

to climb Mount Everest.

She was also the Virgin Mary.

Well, I think so.

My father is convinced

he's a nice, sweet dad. But it's not quite like that.

Every day, like any disciple,

I have exercises to do.

First of all, swallow 2 glasses of milk without breathing.

Then, I have to slay 4 flies. Like this.

Samurai!

Every day, my father teaches me

new forms of martial arts. Not a single day off.

That's real discipline.

My father is a master who smokes like a chimney

because he says you have to tire the lungs

when there's too much yang to get it down in the kidneys' energy.

Well, something like that.

It's just a matter

of finding the right balance.

And balance is sacred.

It's the basis of martial arts.

When he was young,

my father dropped acid in a sweat lodge

with an Amerindian shaman

who, as he was about to beat the drum,

saw my father go into a trance

and turn into a wolf.

So, the shaman went crazy

and punched him in the face, saying:

''You should've told me you were a shaman, asshole!''

When he says that, it makes me laugh a lot.

Fuck! You're insane!

You fucking scalded me!

I don't fucking believe it!

My father has reduced his training to the basics.

He trains in cold water.

Although he is

a westerner,

he really is a martial arts master.

TO!

And he's, of course, very demanding.

My passion

is drawing.

In fact, it's my profession.

I'm a great draughtsman.

My favorite colors are

red

and black.

And what I prefer drawing is

circus tents.

It looks a bit like our forest workshop.

When I leave the forest,

I know I'll come across a smiling child

who'll play the flute for me

by a small fire

in the cold night.

I have a secret.

When I walk with my father,

I use a magic power

to conjure up wild animals to him.

So, he's happy to live here with me.

My father

decided to build a tea house in the trees.

He's a pain, he always wants me there with him in the beech woods,

supposedly to teach me

geometry in space.

There must be 130... 135.

I can tell at once.

140.

When he takes measurements like that,

although we already have a cabin, which is enough to drink tea...

140.

He really irritates me.

I'd like to tell him, but I don't know how to go about it.

So, instead,

I spit.

It's more fun.

The best thing is to surprise your opponent

and knock him down.

And since I'll soon be a master myself,

I can bring him down, despite his power.

Scram!

That drives him crazy, he can't stand it.

- Samurai! - Yeah, go play samurai.

Shitty samurai!

A real fight can happen at any time, even if you get thrashed.

Every once in a while, we have to relax.

The master becomes a dad for real...

Go on, get out of here!

And the disciple, his son.

As a boy, I wanted to be the world champion of Thai boxing,

like Muhammad Ali.

With the punchbag, I imagine an opponent who I can

let off steam with! And I usually manage

to get him in a stranglehold with my legs.

Like this.

Afterwards, his ribs are squashed.

I finish him off with a yoko geri.

Like this!

After the last training session

of the day, I go straight up to bed.

One day, I'll travel

around the world

and with my eye, I'll capture everything.

As I'll have

a bio-ionic eye, I'll have my data

in my internal hard drive.

I'll define the world

through my eye.

But that won't make me a robot, though.

My father may be a martial arts master,

but that doesn't stop him from cracking up sometimes.

To get rid of all his demons, he makes big fires.

I now know that he has suffered a lot

and that he has kept it all inside for too long.

I have 24 teeth and I'm a Chinese albino.

Before the first training session,

I check that my father has taken his bath.

Since my mother left,

my father has been forced to learn

how to clean the house and do the laundry.

But you can't really learn it,

especially for a man his age.

He can, though.

He's very smart.

A good housekeeper.

My father loves to watch the snake eagle.

It's a very beautiful raptor that comes to nest every year

in our forest.

''See, TO, we're very lucky

because it's exceptional to see that.''

That makes me laugh.

I'm the one who makes it come every year.

When my father

works on his external strength, it's to work

on his internal strength.

It's what the Chinese call the Qi.

It's the internal energy that circulates within us.

We all depend on it.

TO!

Come here. You still can't split a log!

That's why my father never gets sick.

Because he works on his Qi every day.

It starts with dan tien,

then fali, the explosive force.

When my father's on the warpath, I'd better

get ready pretty quick

for the anatomical acupressure exercise.

He invented it to teach me

the 6 organs and the 12 meridians.

Master heart!

Large intestine!

Bladder!

Triple burner!

Spleen!

Kidney!

Heart!

Gallbladder!

Stomach!

Bladder!

Small intestine!

Testicles!

Liver!

Come on, you're OK now?

But more often than not, it gets out of hand.

When I was a kid, my father used to fly-fish.

He also said it was martial practice,

that casting the line was like

wielding a sword or a stick,

but it doesn't hurt.

I'm also great at skimming pebbles.

I'm a natural at it.

Now

I practice self-hypnosis.

I sense agitation in my body and it's good.

At times like that, I empty my mind.

Everything loosens up

and everything opens up.

It's practically a psycho-physiological trip.

I have my own way of talking to birds.

It's a grimace that emits an ultra-sound,

and the birds understand that it's time

for conversation.

What I like best

is the little birds chirping.

My hare and I train

every day

in a jujitsu session.

He's so highly strung.

He makes me work on my reflexes.

You wouldn't think so,

but he's a formidable opponent.

When I manage to immobilize him,

he submits.

But make no mistake, that won't stop him

getting the upper hand next time.

Porn is boring.

It's technical.

Mechanical.

There's no love.

When my father taught me

the art of combat,

he showed me that it's like a dance.

''You're not actually dancing, it's the intention dancing in you.''

He calls it ''great achievement boxing''.

I went to check on the internet

and I saw an old Chinese master.

But it was much more fluid

and much lighter.

Whereas when my father does this, it freaks me out.

He never listens to the news. He says

that it's pointless as it's always the same

tragedies.

That listening to it

makes you stupid.

And it's depressing.

We get along fine without it.

They call us ''the men of the woods''.

That's flattering.

What crap!

I walk and feel the warmth of the sun

on my skull.

I climb up the mountain

and I see in the distance

my friend Tao.

He's Chinese, he's my age, and he wants to become

a tai chi master.

It makes us laugh that his name is Tao and mine is TO.

He tells me that I'm his double.

It's not that I'm afraid of death...

but I think, once we're dead,

it must be good to have a home again.

That's why I built myself a sarcophagus.

I'm rather proud of it.

Anyway, my father

showed up and said: ''My little TO,

I'll be away a few days.''

I'm doing an exhibition, I'll be back soon. I'm going to present

the photographic rolls. It's a non-exhibition

but it's an exhibition.

A non-photographic exhibition.

Don't get up to any shit.

Look after yourself. I'll be back.

Well, I'm going.

I love you, son.

No, I'm kidding!

My father's so funny, always playing jokes.

He's a hell of a joker.

At last my father decided to get off my back,

to fuck off to his exhibition.

And it was so cool

to know that I could take it easy.

Nice and easy!

Adios padre de la muerte!

Fathers are most often a danger to their sons.

It's even the case with animals.

For example, when a lion cub is a baby,

it can be devoured by its father.

But I won't let myself be devoured.

Here, Dad, a little apparition!

Apparently you have to kill the father so as to become a father.

So they say, I'm told.

What about the mother?

What do we do with her?

When do we kill her?

I decided to clean up.

It's important to lighten your load in life.

You must also

destroy the father's work.

When the human race has died out,

there'll be nothing left.

Who cares about posterity?

Farewell, Tao.

Farewell, my friend.

Sometimes I cry, it does me good.

It's kind of like burping

or farting. I like it.

When I cry, I don't know why,

but I want to leave this world.

But I feel good in it, too.

Hypnosis session.

Visions

from all sides.

That's my daughter!

My daughter!

My daughter!

Some mornings,

I have trouble getting up.

In the last two years, my body has changed.

It's better honed.

What... What's going on?

I didn't ask him to come back.

Pain in the fuckin' ass!

He hasn't understood that in my head, I tell him what he has to do.

We're gonna have to set the record straight.

He looks like a fat junkie.

I'm sure he's back on the drugs in secret.

Hey, he smells of booze.

So I'm not allowed to drink,

and he gets blind drunk,

the fat pig!

I'm gonna fuck him up.

Shitty totem!

I could strangle him.

I could do it like this.

Then I'll have

no father, no master.

It would be the new era of TO.

Once dead, he won't be able to do anything.

I'll shave him because he has too much hair.

And at last, I'll take

all his strength.

Hair is dirty.

No more hair is hairless, but hair is hairy!

Hair is dirty, and hair is hair-raising. Hair-raising!

Yes, it's hair-raising.

To become a peaceful person,

I'm still going to have to learn,

but I know what I want.

When I want something, I get it, no matter what.

But there are two things on Earth that aren't settled:

fear and death.

I believe in maternal life.

He's nice, my daddy.

That's how I like him,

when he stops moving and talking.

He always thought he was my master,

but frankly, if you see us next to each other,

you realize he has nothing to teach me anymore.

Dad...

My father has a big problem:

he doesn't allow himself to make mistakes.

That's his problem.

He's still a savage.

At least that's how I see him.

Ever since I was little,

I've known that nature is stronger than God.

Nature is God.

But God doesn't exist,

there's only nature.

Nature is new every day.

That's why it impresses me.

''O nature,

cradle him warmly:

''he is cold.''

I'll tell you, Down's syndrome,

that sooner or later...

I'll fuck you, Down's syndrome.

I'll fuck you, understand?

I'm a samurai

and I alone

can become a lover.

TO AND THE SNAKE

I've become a free man.

And like all free men,

but they are rare,

I'm free.

I read something in a book of my father's.

It said:

''I don't know where I come from,

I know not who I am,

I know not when I'll die.

I know not where I'm going.

''And I wonder that I am so happy.''

Maybe this snake is here to make me see

that I am able to direct my life.

I like his skin, his colors.

He reminds me of a dame... uh, a flame.

And since I'm the one who directs my life through my body,

I'm the one who conjures up what I need.

Now I understand that my mind and body

are like a couple.

This lets me see more clearly

images that are still fuzzy of my father.

My father's problem is, he doesn't have a girlfriend.

So, at times, he's out of control

and he tries to snog me.

I know how to calm him down:

I grab his testicles and I crush them.

In this house, there's a really big problem.

There are too many mice.

They wake me up at night.

When I look at these two little mice,

they remind me of Jesus

and his twin brother who was kept hidden from us.

Actually, Jesus died

on the cross,

and his twin brother is the one

who rose from the dead.

My snake

will swallow the mice.

So, I won't have to feed him.

He'll get food and it'll be top.

What's more, I could call him Top.

We'll be TO and Top,

two samurai, without fear and beyond reproach.

TO AND THE NINJA

If I made a film, my film would start with a wide shot.

I'd be in the middle of the river.

Suddenly, there'd be

a super ninja.

A shadow fighter.

She'd have a distinct cry.

TO!

I found the perfect actress

on the internet.

She even agreed to dye her hair

to get closer to the part.

That's what I call a successful casting.

She would be a formidable opponent.

There'll also be some science fiction,

with a former pétanque player reincarnated

as a martial juggler.

Well, it'll be great cinema.

I'll also do the dubbing, like in kung fu movies.

And it'll be edited with super-fast images

so that the viewer goes: ''Wow, that's so cool!''

Then, at some point, we'll have to do close combat.

That gives me an idea: I'll add a porn scene.

Especially as the sex will make it go viral online.

You never see the sexuality of superheroes in movies

and that's too bad.

People today want to see amazing stuff,

but very simple stuff.

When I write the end of my film,

I'll make the ninja stronger than me.

That way I won't alienate the feminists,

maybe the Catholics, if that...

It'd be the end of TO the samurai,

and the audience will love me as they like to identify with losers.

That's a fact.

Today,

I know exactly what I want to become:

a great lover.

That's what I need.

That's what I'm made for.

It's in my nature.

And one must not go against nature.

I don't want to fight anymore.

The ultimate fight is not to fight.

I must beat my anger,

otherwise it will beat me.

When I feel the anger coming back

and intensifying,

I must stop it dead.

Deep down, I know it's not my anger.

It doesn't belong to me.

It's a foreign body.

I must lose my habits,

not know what I'm doing

and do it anyway.

I know that everything inside me moves

all the time.

And that death is when the movement stops.

To think I wanted to be a samurai...

What a jerk.

My father once told me the story of the Shakti,

the Indian snake-woman

that dwells in the body of every human being.

It is she who gives love a chance to exist.

She keeps dancing inside me,

and her dance soothes me.

TO AND THE EMPRESS

By going inside me,

I should be able to discover this snake-woman.

She could caress me.

I like to feel touched.

The contact of skin...

is beautiful.

My father also told me about women

who initiated young virgins.

But I see her more as

an empress.

I understand all she says to me

because she inspires desire in me

and a life of simple pleasures.

For life is short.

With her, I will suffer no more.

Would I want

to add moles?

It doesn't matter

because the snake-woman can take on any shape.

It's funny because she's dressed exactly like my snake

with the same spots and colors.

She could give me a session of cranial osteopathy

to help me get my Qi to circulate better.

Oh, I hear

a bell in my head.

What is she up to?

I'd like to be a spaghetti between her fingers,

have her cut me up

like a little suckling pig.

Yes, I'd like her to devour me.

What I need is to be

loved and watched.

All is transformation.

All is transformation.

All is alliteration.

All is eradication.

All is transformation.

All is transformation.

It's entirely conceivable for you to have a normal sex life.

For that, you need a live-in wife.

I've found you a very beautiful one. A real pro.

She's a Moldovan of Sri Lankan origin.

She has dark skin, the way you like.

You'll see, she's a ''pretty plant''.

She's hairless, just the way you like.

But she has a pimp...

And Boris isn't very smart.

But with money, there's always a solution.

I'll give them my card number.

I'll deal with the transaction.

Every night, she'll masturbate you before you go to sleep.

I think I could get a month's trial and 50% off.

I know that it is my power of thought

that gives real life its reality.

It's like with my father,

I decided to stop thinking about him,

so he's no longer here.

I mustn't stop thinking about her.

I need to concentrate on the fact that she's here

and she is very real.

Otherwise, she will disappear.

And if she stopped thinking about me,

then I too would disappear

and I would become her.

And that would be a very good thing

because what I want is to stop thinking.

Especially as I imagine

that others don't always think of beautiful things.

And sometimes,

we feel sad,

or depressed,

without knowing why.

But it's joy I'm looking for

because I want to reinvent love.

Tweet, tweet, tweet,

like a little bird.

It flies here and there.

It's so funny.

I like being a snake-woman.

In fact, we should be both, man and woman

at the same time.

I just met the reincarnation of Bob Marley.

Bob was unlucky. He deserved nirvana,

not to come back as such a dumb dog.

He said: ''I'm Bob Marley'' and he sang me a Bob Marley song,

and I recognized the song.

''The problem is,'' he told me,

''when I was Bob, I was cool.

All day, I smoked super ganja,

but now if you move, I'll eat you!''

I can't believe that a Rasta who preaches love

wants to eat a guy with Down's syndrome who's looking for love.

Finally he left me alone.

Hey Bob, fuck you, bro!

Well, well...

my father has turned into a trout.

He's a hell of a magician.

I must go back into the cave.

That's where she's waiting for me. But not her, the other one. The Shakti,

with her round, smooth, almost elastic flesh,

like honey dripping on honey.

It's not blood that circulates

inside her. It's the sperm of the male.

Her mouth, like a sucker,

drives me crazy.

Our two mouths unite, our two bodies entwine.

There's also humor between us.

We will finally have recovered

the naive eroticism

that men should never have destroyed.

I didn't want you to come back so soon.

You could have let me know.

My name is TO.

A centipede better not come and ask my snake why he has no legs.

My snake goes faster than a turtle,

faster than a galloping horse.

I'm going to change my name. From now on, I'll be called

Floating Hare

or Trail Fox

or Drunken Monkey.

I must no longer resist.

I must accept without fear.

I am looking for a world.

There it is...

in front of me.

And this world...

is a multi-world.

It is vast, and I find my place...

by becoming a magnet and lover

of all that surrounds me.

I like the idea of a happy nothingness.

I will become Shiva Nataraja,

the king of dance with his Shakti.

And my shadow will embrace the earth.

And it will remain, even after my death.

My shadow will dance all over the earth.

''Who are these snakes for, hissing on your heads?''

Wisdom is when you're empty,

thoughtless.

You're just living in the present...

available.

I now know that I am the inventor of my mental space.

The inside of my brain is an infinite space.

I no longer need time.

I'm suspended in space.

But this place I'm taking up,

does it mean that I'm becoming the space now, too?

TO AND THE STRANGER

You had a nightmare last night?

Yes.

I had a dream. I was 90.

I was standing on the top of a large circus tent.

I shouted at a group of people below, barely visible.

I shouted at them that I was 9.

I could hear their whispers.

They thought

I was insane.

I showed them my body's dexterity.

My energy had become a smooth, happy dance.

Despite my great age, I had kept a childlike smile.

My joy was great, unquestionable.

Something has to happen,

something has to change,

and this something is me.

I have to reinvent my life.

And to do so, I have to take the supreme risk to change...

The risk of complete imbalance.

TO AND HIS OTHER HALF

Subtitles: J. Miller, a.s.i.f.