Original subtitles

Yeah, and I've ordered the plaque, so Mum's anniversary

is going to be perfect.

I know you suggested hand-picked flowers, but I was thinking Mum

would want more of a statement, don't you?

Yeah, you can be in charge of the flowers.

HE CLEARS THROAT

What? I said perfect.

I would hide the biscuits if I were you.

Got to go. Speak soon. Val Twigg... PHONE BEEPS

..Lu Shakespeare and Frank Hathaway. Fatblasters!

My business is ruined. He's ruined my life.

Want a cup of tea?

Uh, who's ruined your life?

Kit Willow.

Slimming guru. And his business partner, Diana Winter.

I mean, look at her. She's never dieted in her life.

Lean and Hungry.

How exactly have they ruined your business?

They've stolen my Twiggsters. Sorry?

My slimming-club members. Oh, right. Stolen?

This is a marketing problem.

And we're private investigators.

Your website said you did corporate work. Well, yes, but...

I need to know everything there is to know about their business model.

OK, but corporate rates can be higher.

Twiggsters is my livelihood.

I'll use my savings if I have to.

OK. OK, sounds like an undercover job.

Sebastian...in a fat suit.

I could channel my inner Falstaff.

HE CHUCKLES DEEPLY

You should go. What, me?

SHE SCOFFS

Are you saying I'm fat?

No, I'm saying you're a woman.

There are more women in the group. See?

Besides, it will help you to forget about other stuff.

Kit likes pretty blondes with a sharp brain.

Do you know any? If it's too much

for you, I could always go to another agency.

No, not too much.

I mean, I can pretend that I need to lose weight, can't I?

It's fine. When's the next class?

SHOUTING: You tear off those mental shackles of negativity

that are holding you back

and open yourself to a new way of life.

At Fatblasters we'll lead the way.

The only question is, will you follow?

I can see it!

I can see the slimming light!

APPLAUSE

Say it with me, Slim. Say it with me. I'm with you.

Our path to thinness... Our path to thinness.

..is a way to slimness.

Is a way to slimness.

And on this journey we begin... And on this journey we begin.

..to be thin. Come on, everyone.

To be thin. To be thin. Let's jump up. Let's jump up.

Ooh, I spy a new member.

Come on, team, what do we do with new members?

That's it. Well done. Come on.

Don't be shy, don't be shy.

Come take that first step on your journey to thinness.

First step.

Now, everyone, I want you all to take a minute...

What are you doing here? ..to think about your slimming pledge.

Um, same thing as you.

I'm surprised you've got time for this. I thought you were working.

Yeah, well, got to keep trim.

I'm surprised Mum never brought you here.

Ooh, sorry.

Lose weight, you spread that word

and let the Fatblasters family grow and grow and grow!

Um... Lia. I've been spreading the word.

Our new member is my sister, Luella.

Welcome, Luella. Welcome.

Come on, everyone, let's give her the Fatblasters welcome, shall we?

Come on, stand up. Come on.

Think slim, be slim, stay slim. Come on, everyone.

ALL: Think slim, be slim, stay slim.

Yes, welcome. That's it, Mary. That's it.

Shake those hips, no to chips. Yeah, that's it.

OK. sit down, thank you.

Right, let's get down to business, shall we?

Now, first off...

..congratulations to you all.

Now, this week...

..collectively you have all lost a whopping 52 pounds!

Well done, everyone, well done. Amazing.

Unfortunately, though...

..not everyone has had a loss.

Now, Slim Jim, what is happening to our loser of the year?

That's four weeks on the trot you've had a gain. What's going on?

Yeah, um...

I've been walking quite a bit.

Maybe the fat is turning to muscles.

Oh, you've been doing a lot of walking? Yeah, yeah.

To the takeaway?

You were spotted.

We all a need a treat, don't we?

What, every night of the week?

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

Now, not only have you let yourself down, Slim...

..you've let this wonderful family down.

And you've let me down.

Anyway, forgive and forget.

Right, who's next?

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

Mary...

Mary, now, this week you have lost two pounds.

Two pounds, Mary, well done. Well done.

If only all are members were as committed as you, huh?

Slim Jim, hm?

Who's that? It's Diana Winter. She's ambitious, driven.

Counting fivers in a church hall, it's hardly Trump Towers, is it?

No, yeah, it's good. Luella Shakespeare, so great to meet you.

Oh, you too.

Two sisters looking so stunning.

Ooh, thank you.

Despite last year's terrible tragedy.

I mean, losing your mother is a, it's a very traumatic event.

Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah.

It ruined the cruise for the other passengers.

Lia! Well, they had to turn the ship around looking for the bodies.

Poor Genevieve.

And on the very night she was invited to the captain's table.

I did warn her about the low balconies in those cabins.

Is it true he had just proposed?

Not according to his wife. No.

At least she died in the arms of someone she loved. Yeah.

I can't believe your naughty sister kept you a secret.

Well, she's good at keeping secrets, aren't you, Lia?

Like your membership with Fatblasters. Who knew?

Lia, first rule of slimming club?

Ooh, first rule of slimming club,

outside slimming club, talk about slimming club.

Ha! Your sister is hilarious. She certainly is.

And now we have her older sister... Younger. Whoops!

You know what, have a new members' goody bag, just for you.

Thanks.

It's completely free, so...

All right, if you excuse us,

I'll just take your beautiful sister for a quick one-to-one.

Of course, Kit.

Older, hm.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

He's an angel. Is he?

Can't you see his little halo shining?

Now, Mary, you aren't scaring off new members, are you?

No, of course not, Diana.

Will you be my buddy?

Sorry, your what? Slimming buddy.

Um, maybe let Lu ease herself in gently.

No. Yeah, yes, that's a great idea.

Yeah, shall we swap numbers?

Oh, yes. Lovely.

I told you, you're too hard on him.

I will not let that fat idiot ruin my business!

Your business? What are you talking about? We're partners.

I am the face of Fatblasters. I can always find a new partner.

You'd be nothing without me. I'd be nothing? Yes.

I am the brand, Diana. I am the brand!

And I am the business and I'm the brains.

Well, I'm the brand.

Just listen. CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Stop being too hard on him. I am Fatblasters.

Diana, you always go on about this, don't you?

FOOTSTEPS

Lu!

Hi. Hi!

You're still here. Yeah. I was just getting...

I left my scarf, that was...and then...

Exercise classes. You do them and I love exercise.

We've got a circuit class tomorrow night. Yeah.

Circuits? Yeah, shouldn't be a problem for a fit girl like you.

Once you pull up that Lycra, off you go.

And if you need any gym wear, we have our own branded range.

That's great! Brilliant.

Well, that's that sorted, isn't it?

Great, see you, then. That's good.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

Oh, she finally arrives.

Here, put that in that box.

Aww! Did she actually wear that?

Yeah, she was really popular at the tennis club.

Well, she needed some fashion advice. I suppose you're hungry?

No.

Maybe a bit. I mean, I could have something if you had it.

Help yourself.

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY

I've got the appetite of a bird these days.

Yeah. No, me too. It's all down to Kit.

He's got this aura.

The weight just falls off. Yeah?

Slim Jim has lost eight and a half stone in a year.

Wow! That's like a whole other person.

How has he done that? Diet, determination and a lot of sweat.

What are these? I keep finding them everywhere.

Yeah, Mum loved her pottery classes.

She always thought her teacher looked like Patrick Swayze.

There's hundreds of them.

Yeah, she was probably better at vases, actually.

Well, we can't keep them all. They'll have to go in the skip.

What? No. Can't we at least put some of them in the charity box?

We could have cleared all this if you'd come earlier.

Yeah, well, I've been busy working.

Well, you weren't too busy to go to a slimming class.

Or were you snooping? No.

Lu, what were you doing there?

You look just like Mum when you do that.

And you look like Dad when he was lying. I don't.

Yes, you do. Two peas in a pod.

Yeah, well, we had to be with you and Mum around.

Well, he put you on a pedestal. I can't see why.

Right, I'm not staying for this.

No! No way.

No way am I clearing this mess up on my own.

This is not a mess. This is my childhood home!

It's our childhood home. And I am not doing this by myself.

You could have just waited, Lia.

You could have just waited until after Mum's anniversary.

No, no, no.

Get out of my way!

Well, it's got to be done some time.

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY

Oh, they're probably oversized

because of the before and after photos.

Look at Slim Jim's social media.

Oh, wow. And that is all since joining Fatblasters.

It's all a big con if you ask me.

No, it's not. Lia said he's lost loads of weight.

Slimming classes, preying on people's insecurities,

ripping them off, crash diets that never work.

It's just a big vicious, money-making, self-loathing cycle.

They do try and encourage some healthy eating.

Ah, nothing healthy about that.

Those are for members only.

Mm. They're actually quite good.

LIGHT CHATTER

Oh, hi, Mary.

Ooh, dear, a bit of a long day, was it?

Not been sleeping too well.

Sports bags live on the bench.

Oh, right, yes. Sorry.

Um...

Oh, right.

So are you not working out? Not tonight.

Oh. I'll have to find another buddy.

Lu, darling. Need a partner?

I was just going to ask Jim, actually.

Why don't you partner up with your delightful sister?

Nothing like a bit of sibling rivalry to get you motivated.

Yes, great. Thank you.

Oh, hello. Look, I don't want any trouble.

I think we were both just a bit upset, weren't we?

What are you talking about?

HE BLOWS WHISTLE

Gather round, lose those pounds.

Fatblasters slimmers. We are winners.

Never quit. Let's get fit.

Right, running on the spot.

Arms to the right.

Arms to the left.

Up on high, down below.

And running on the spot again. Knees up high.

SHE GRUNTS Come on, Lu. Bit more effort.

That's it, that's it. Strong arms, Lia, strong arms. Yep.

Pump it. Pump it. I'm pumping it, I'm pumping it.

Pump. Take control. Achieve your goal.

All right, 20 burpees.

What? Burpees?

What has happened to your energy levels, Slim?

You managed burpees fine last month and you never even broke a sweat.

Yeah.

HE BLOWS WHISTLE

Right, come on, change partners.

No, no, no, no. Not you. Finish those first.

Oh, thank you. Well done. Oh, lovely.

Bye, Lu. How you feeling? You know, it was amazing.

I just can't wait to do it again.

Great stuff. Thank you.

Bye, Lu. See you. Bye then.

Why can't folk tidy up after themselves?

Oh, not me this time, not guilty.

Do you need a hand? Nearly done. Thanks, Lu.

Ah, thank goodness.

Come here, you little devil!

Bye then, Mary.

I'm trying my best, but it's not good enough for you.

Nothing's ever good enough for you. It's called motivation.

I'm sick of it and I'm sick of you.

How dare you! Just calm down, hm?

Come on then, big man. Come on.

I can't do this any more.

I told you not to push him.

Everything's fine.

Just a bit of Fatblasters tough love.

He'll be back.

Stupid, stupid idiot!

Ah, Jim.

Are you OK?

Oh, look, here.

Ah, thanks. Sorry, I didn't mean to.

It's all right. Kit giving you a hard time, was he?

Fatblasters is the only place I've lost weight this quickly.

And now I've blown it. No, I'm sure they'll have you back.

Thing is, I can't afford it.

Yeah, I mean, it is a bit expensive.

Spent it all on takeaway.

Me too.

I keep eating things I really shouldn't.

Biscuits, crisps, cakes.

You know, the cake shop on the high street that has the tangy...

The tangy little sweets on top. Oh!

I've stopped buying Fatblasters biscuits,

can barely afford the membership.

Do you think that's why he's giving you a hard time?

I shouldn't have overreacted.

Listen, don't worry about it, it's the stress.

It's cake withdrawal.

Yeah.

I should really apologise, shouldn't I?

Why don't you wait until tomorrow? Let everyone calm down.

You know, Things look better in the morning. Yeah, I suppose so.

Thanks Lu. It's all right.

Goodnight.

Oh, yeah, you can have them. Thank you.

Coming...

Hi, Diana.

Diana?

Anyone there?

SHE GASPS

SHE SCREAMS

Put money in thy purse.

Yeah, no wonder Slim Jim can't afford it.

They must be making a fortune.

Yeah, hook them in and sell them tat.

PHONE BUZZES AND RINGS

What? I'm busy doing my doodles.

She is your sister.

PHONE RINGS

There you go, if you're such a fan.

Shakespeare And Hathaway Private Investigators.

Lia! What a lovely surprise.

Oh, I'm afraid Lu's not...

A body?

A postmortem is being carried out

on the body which at present remains unidentified.

Whilst the precise cause of death is yet to be confirmed,

I can say this was a ferocious... Is he wearing make-up?

Yeah, a lot of men do now. We are appealing to anyone...

Yeah, Kit does.

Men's grooming. Biggest untapped market. Huh!

Oh, thank goodness you're here.

What's going on?

It's just awful. Mary found a body.

Oh, is she OK?

No! She's just seen a man with his skull caved in.

Of course she's not OK. Who is it?

They don't know because the face was...

Between you and me, I think it might be Kit.

Kit? Shut up!

He was wearing his monogrammed tracksuit.

The one he was wearing last night, baby blue?

The blood will never come out of it.

It's a cashmere blend.

Doesn't mean it's definitely him

because he was wearing the same clothes.

He's got a very distinctive birthmark. Where?

Oh. I'll, uh...

Yeah, I'll go and find out what's going on.

What?

What sort of deranged animal could do that?

Speaking of deranged animals, what are you sniffing around here?

Ah, Joseph, always a pleasure.

Tough case?

No, it's not.

Looking a bit green around the gills.

No, I don't.

It's probably just the make-up.

What do you want? I'm here on a related case.

Just wondering if I could be of assistance.

YOU be of assistance?

I'm only trying to be helpful.

It'd be helpful if you kept your nose out of my case.

Sorry, sweet cheeks.

FRANK GROWLS

It was like a scene from a horror film. You poor thing.

Like one of my nightmares.

And you think it was Kit? Mm-hm.

Can you think of anyone that would want to hurt him?

No, everyone adored him.

I'm so sorry.

It's devastating.

Kit WAS Fatblasters.

Who would have thought when we left here last night...

You left here together?

I gave Mary a lift home.

Such a savage attack.

Don't think about it, Mary.

Do you think it could be business related?

You know, is there anyone that he fell out with recently or...?

Val Twigg.

Val? You know her?

Sort of.

She was here last night.

Was she?

Worse than a stalker. What, Val?

Hanging around like a bad smell.

Do you think that Kit and Val maybe were...?

It was quite a shock.

I thought he had better taste.

But when he broke it off...

It's her the police should be talking to.

Will you excuse us?

I'll distract Keeler, you talk to Val.

Yeah.

SHE SIGHS

DOORBELL RINGS

Hiya.

I wondered if I could have a word.

What is it?

It's about Kit.

You'd better come in.

Thanks.

Oh, you're not weighing in with the Twiggsters, then?

Oh, I was just testing them for...

Who am I trying to kid?

Twiggsters is just me.

I don't suppose I could offer you a discount?

I'm busy, you know, working on the case.

Have you made any progress?

I'm afraid I've got a bit of bad news.

Can things get much worse?

They found a body at Fatblasters.

A body?

Yeah, they think it might be Kit.

It can't be.

I only saw him last night.

You think I...

I-I didn't. I-I couldn't.

What time did you leave there last night?

Just before 9:00, about five to.

How come you never mentioned your relationship with Kit?

We met at a slimmers conference.

He was one of the speakers there.

All the women adored him.

Hung on his every word.

But he chose me.

Mm.

And like a fool.

He was only interested in one thing.

My members.

Your members? Mm.

Pumped me for information on my business,

even came along to my meetings.

Then he dumped me, by text.

What were you doing at Fatblasters last night?

He phoned me yesterday, out the blue, said he wanted to see me.

I am so pleased you could make it.

Val, darling...

..I'd like to make a proposal.

Yes?

A partnership, of sorts...

..in Fatblasters.

Fatblasters? Yeah.

What about Diana? Diana's history, forget about her.

I'd be the frontman, obviously,

and you could do all the back room, paperworky stuff

that you're so good at.

You might want to slim down, just a tad.

Val!

Val, it's all about the brand!

DOOR SHUTS

SIREN WAILS

You've got to help me. I didn't kill him.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Val Twigg? Yes.

Valerie Twigg, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder

of Kit Willow. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm

your defence if you do not mention when questioned something

you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

Are you interfering with my case again?

No, I'm just visiting a client.

You tell Frank Hathaway I am not stupid.

Our victim.

Kit Willow, early 40s.

Fatblasters' charismatic slimming guru.

And he met his business partner, Diana Winter, in 2014

at a slimming conference. She heard him speak, and then, well...

The cash rolled in. Yeah.

If Diana's his business partner,

why would she want to kill Fatblasters' golden goose?

Maybe she knew he wanted to lay eggs with Val?

Well, Diana claims that she left Kit to lock up on his own

that night, and she dropped Mary home.

Who is Mary?

Oh, she's my slimming buddy. Yeah, she's really sweet.

Does she have a motive?

Well, to be fair, she doesn't look like she could take Kit on.

Yeah, and anyway, Diana dropped her home.

They could have come back?

Or it could have been an opportunist?

Nah.

I've got a feeling in me guts.

Hold it in.

This has definitely got something to do with Fatblasters.

It's too brutal for a random attack.

And there was a slimming biscuit wrapper at the scene.

Val had the motive and opportunity.

Mm...

She did seem surprised when she found out he was dead.

What about the sweaty one? Slim Jim?

Mm, Kit's his last hope of losing weight.

So, where does that leave us?

Oh, I don't know.

Look, we're going to have to include your sister.

What, Lia?!

Well, she was a member of the slimming club, she knew the victim,

and she was there on the night.

Yeah, she could have some vital information.

OK, I'll talk to her. I'll come with you.

No.

Because I think the gentle approach would be better.

WHISPERING: So, I'll come with you.

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine. I don't need a counsellor.

Sorry. Sorry.

It's just getting rid of all Mum's stuff, it seems...

It seems really final.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hello, Sebastian. Lovely to see you.

And you.

Oh, excuse the mess.

Oh, you should see the state of my place.

Is that an invitation?

THEY CHUCKLE

Yeah, yeah... So, we just thought we'd come along

and see how the plans for the anniversary...

Ow! Oh! Sorry.

I've got a viewing in a minute, so you'd better be quick.

Charming. Have you sorted the flowers out for Friday?

What? No, you were supposed to be sorting the flowers.

Was I?

Yes.

Gosh, they're early!

Oh... Oh, it's Diana.

Hello, Diana. Hang on a minute.

LIA STAMMERS

Is she OK?

She seems a bit stressed.

Yeah, well, she's not the only one.

Hello, Diana.

Oh, Lia, I'm so sorry to impose.

No, no, not at all. Come through, come through.

Hello, Diana.

Lu's just leaving. What? Am I?

I'm Sebastian, Lu's work colleague.

So sorry for your loss. Oh...

Everyone's been so kind.

Slim Jim came round with flowers.

People have left tributes at the church hall.

He was so loved.

Mm..

Well, not by everyone.

Lu. Well, I mean, obviously.

Someone wanted him dead.

I think we'd better go, yes?

Yes, I think you better had!

I am so sorry, Diana.

Now, I don't want you to worry about anything.

I'm going to ring all the members. Oh, if you could.

I'm going to tell them all about what's happened,

and I'm going to cancel Kit's sessions.

No!

Oh...no.

That won't be necessary.

I'll take over.

It's what he would have wanted.

The show must go on.

Hm?

Erm, is Lia on something?

Something not right.

Look how clean and tidy Diana's car is.

Robyn only looks like this when she's had a valet.

Well, this has been valeted.

Oh, yeah.

Uh... Lu!

Oh, just...missed a bit there, so I was just...

That's it. Looking good.

Awkward.

You go back to the office.

I'm going to go back in when Diana leaves.

Are you sure that's wise?

Yeah, I need to speak to Lia.

DOOR SHUTS

Hello.

Where's Lu?

Oh, a change of plan. She stayed behind.

Oh.

How were they?

On a scale of one to ten?

If one is...

HE GIGGLES

.and ten is...

..then I would say nearer death by dumbbell.

But it is their mum's anniversary tomorrow.

Lu shouldn't really be working.

Mm.

Yeah, you're right.

That's not what you said earlier.

Hop to it, you!

We've got to solve this case, and quickly.

How many of those have you had?

Well, I've got to keep my strength up.

Aw!

Poor Mum.

Poor Mum?

More like, poor us. What?

Yeah. I mean she shamed us.

She fell off a cruise liner being groped by the captain.

Don't talk about Mum like that.

Why not?

Because she was always so lovely to you.

No, she wasn't. Yes, she was!

She always thought you were perfect.

No, she didn't! She absolutely did.

You were always her favourite.

No, she was always going on about you.

It was always, "Lu this and Lu that."

Do you know she sent me every single press cutting when you won that

stupid hairdressing competition?

Did she? Yeah.

Imagine how I felt.

Playing second fiddle to a hairdresser.

How dare you?!

Get out! There's nothing wrong with being a hairdresser!

And, anyway, I'm a private investigator now.

What are you doing? Get out!

What are you doing?! Just get out! Ow!

You stupid, spoiled, entitled, moo-moo!

Moo-moo...

SHE SOBS

I'm sorry, a barrage of biscuits?

Yeah, in my face.

I think you're right, I think she might be on drugs.

Who? Lia.

Well, that would fit.

Erratic behaviour, aggression, nightmares.

I thought she was clean living?

She is, supposedly.

Body's a temple, and all that rubbish.

Unless she was spiked.

If this has been going on for a while, she could be addicted.

Yeah, and we'd have to wean her off it.

Yeah, but first we'd have to work out what it is

and how it's getting into her system.

Mary's been having nightmares.

Has she? Yeah.

Sebastian, do Fatblasters have a vitamin tablet?

They certainly do.

Be easy enough to put some sort of appetite suppressant in them.

Yeah, but not into Lia. She doesn't do tablets.

Gag reflex.

Erm...

Oh. I mean, I know they look like cardboard,

but they're actually really moreish...

Oh, you little beauties.

Sebastian, check out that factory.

I know we're all deeply shocked by what...

Oh, welcome. Come in, come in, join us.

We'll weigh you both in later.

You two better not be here to cause any trouble.

Mary.

How have you been coping?

MARY STAMMERS

I was just wondering. Yes?

Where do you get the drugs?

Drugs?

Oh, sorry, you must be in the wrong group.

Rehab is Monday afternoon.

My name is Frank Hathaway.

I work with Lu. We're private investigators.

A client of ours, Val Twigg, is about to be charged

with Kit's murder.

Positivity!

Positivity! Let's forget about...

..murder.

And the thing is, we believe she's innocent.

Val just wanted to know the secret of Fatblasters' success.

The group's miraculous weight loss was achieved by...

Will power!

Drugs.

A deadly designer drug, called the Beast.

It was hidden in the slimming biscuits, would you believe?

And it's highly addictive.

With some nasty side-effects.

DIANA LAUGHS FORCEDLY

This is ludicrous!

Yes, it is ludicrous.

Come on, you two. What?

Get out. Lia... Lu, get out. Get off!

Extreme aggression, nightmares, hallucinations.

Get out! See? All this manic behaviour!

All these mood swings! One minute you're up, the next you're down.

Yeah, well, I'm bound to be upset this week.

I mean, it's Mum's anniversary!

You assaulted me with a biscuit...!

Excuse me.

Wow. Erm...

Do you always sweat like that?

Oh, no. Just the last couple of...

Couple of weeks?

Yeah.

It's withdrawal.

Withdrawal.

See, I believe the Beast caused someone in this room...

..to murder Kit.

Kit had nothing to do with drugs.

I agree.

Thank you. Finally.

It was you who masterminded the Beast in the biscuit.

The Beast in the biscuit.

This is an invoice from the factory made out to you.

You honestly believe this guff?

We know that Kit was looking for another business partner.

He called Val on the night he was murdered,

asked to meet her at the office.

According to her, she left at five to nine.

It's all about the brand, Val!

What the hell was she doing here?

None of your business, Diana.

Get out my way!

Mary?

How many of these slimming biscuits are you having every day?

Loads. Yeah.

And are you on any medication?

Yeah.

You see, I think that the build-up of the Beast in your system,

along with the tablets that you've been taking,

has caused an extreme reaction.

Thoughtless, lazy people!

Kit! What?

Please pick that up.

Why don't you pick that up yourself, Mrs Mop?

That's what cleaners are paid for.

Litterbug! Ooh, I'm scared(!)

What you going to do, tickle me to death with your feather duster?

KIT CACKLES

What the hell is going on?

Show some respect!

Mary...! Be responsible!

And pick up your litter!

What have you done?

I was just having a word with Kit about his littering.

I...

I fainted.

Isn't that right, Diana?

There is no evidence to prove this fantasy story.

Maybe you're the one on drugs!

Just tell me the truth.

This had nothing to do with me!

Why did you get your car valeted the next morning, then?

The vall-et said... Val-ay.

The VALET said you told them it was your injured pet dog.

It was Kit's blood on Mary's clothing that stained

the front passenger seat.

You didn't want a drug scandal,

so you drove Mary away from the scene of the crime.

So what if I helped a friend in need?

I didn't murder him!

You assisted an offender and withheld vital information.

As well as drugging everyone.

Shut door upon me,

and so give me up to the sharp'st kind of justice.

DS Keeler? It's Frank.

Hathaway.

Listen, you better get down to the church hall.

I think we've solved the case.

MARY: How could I have done that to Kit...?!

Oh.

Mary, it's not your fault.

None of us have been ourselves these last few weeks.

You didn't murder anybody...!

It wasn't you, Mary.

It was the drugs.

Ugh.

MARY SOBS

Ugh...

Hey, Joe!

Maybe you should put your make-up back on,

call another press conference!

Announce Val's release after her wrongful arrest.

Hilarious. Yeah...!

Poor Mary.

Well, if they can prove she was acting under the influence of drugs,

they might be able to argue for diminished responsibility.

I hope so. She was hardly in her right mind, was she?

Oh, that is good news.

Means I don't have to apologise for my appalling behaviour.

Oh, typical.

Erm, not even a little apology?

No.

Teeny tiny apology? Oh...

All right.

Sorry, Lu.

Aw!

And, really, we should be thanking Lia...in a way.

Because were it not for her timely biscuit bombardment,

we might never have solved the case.

Thanks, yeah... Thanks. Great.

There we go.

A joint Shakespeare and Hathaway family effort!

Oh, don't look like that.

I'm going home tomorrow, anyway.

What?

We've had an offer on Mum's house.

Full asking price.

Oh, right. Well, that was quick.

Yeah, I know.

Young family, two girls.

Two girls, eh? Hm.

Do you think they'll argue over who gets the biggest room?

Yeah, probably.

And do you think the old, bossy one will win?

No. I think the young, tubby one will.

Well, the plaque's nice.

Yeah.

And the flowers are...

I asked for a traditional bouquet in her favourite colours.

She always hated blue...!

Hated it...!

And she hated benches...!

She hated me.

She did.

THEY SOB

All's well that ends well.

Look. Huh?

Genevieve's favourite. Oh!

With pineapple. How did you know?

A detective never reveals his sources.

Mum developed her love of pizza and red wine on a holiday in Naples.

Hide the evidence!

Hello! Val!

Wow, you look amazing. Oh, thanks.

Well, Jim said it was you.

Jim? Jim!

Oh. Hey, Jim! Hey, Jim!

New members?

Some old, some new.

Oh, that's brilliant.

I just want to say thanks.

Twiggsters wouldn't have survived if it weren't for you.

Better go, don't want to keep the group waiting.

Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye, Val!

I like Val...

To Genevieve.

To Mum. To Mum.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.