Original subtitles

(TENSE MUSIC)

NARRATOR: In the wild...

you gotta be gangster to survive.

This wobbegong shark is one cold triggerman.

When it comes time to get weird...

(SINGSONG VOICE) "Oh, yeah."

This G gets the job done.

Be there one...

..or be there many...

..a gangster's gotta own their turf.

All attitude, no regrets.

Among the fast...

and fearsome...

are the astoundingly crazy.

With strange behaviour...

and outrageous fashion sense...

..they're all in a competition to survive.

And weirdness always wins.

(TENSE MUSIC)

They walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

They prey on the weak and thrive on the meek.

There are no gangs more feared

than the ones prone to gettin' Old Testament crazy!

Behold, the locust army!

Infamous for wreaking havoc across the globe...

(RAPID FLUTTERING)

..marauding clouds of locusts...

..and a lone grasshopper...

are two forms of the same creature.

Jekyll...

and Hyde.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

The grasshopper is an introverted peacenik early in life...

..enjoying the sedate existence of a passionate vegetarian.

(BIRD SCREECHES)

Dodging predators...

..and keeping his antennae out of trouble.

To survive in the drought-prone lands he prefers,

he must attract the least amount of attention...

..and eat frugally.

(THUNDERCLAP)

But in nature, things can change quickly.

(LIGHTNING CRACKLES)

Rain transforms everything.

Powering a grand cycle of rebirth.

With plentiful food,

the grasshopper grows stronger and stronger...

No longer scavenging full-time for each morsel...

..grasshoppers can breed round the clock.

(SOFT FLUTTERING)

Their numbers increase.

The more they socialise,

the more serotonin is released in their brains...

triggering a wicked metamorphosis.

Their brains enlarge... and their legs shorten.

The solitary grasshoppers transform...

..into a voracious gang of crop-destroying locusts.

The final moult gives them wings.

They now have all the tools to wreak havoc.

(FLUTTERING)

Pheromones from the leaders signal the rest to follow.

Biblical in proportion...

they are now a plague.

They can number in their trillions,

destroying hundreds of tons of vegetation every single day.

The locusts hit every plant that is vaguely edible.

If it's green...it's gone.

Eventually... there is nothing left to consume.

Just as suddenly as they'd arrived...

..they disappear.

They lived fast, ate quick and died young.

The plains return to silence,

leaving mother nature to restore the years the locusts have eaten.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Everyone knows that gangsters hate a rat.

But for this wise guy, a rodent meal is a delicacy.

Rich in protein, the rat will satiate the serpent

for ten long months...

(DEEP BELCH)

..before the viper must find his next easy mark.

It's finally time for the gaboon viper to feed once again.

(SQUAWKS)

Fuelled by hunger, this reticulated racketeer

heads for his favourite jungle street corner...

..where he will lay in wait for his next hold-up.

At 10kg and 2m in length...

the viper has an ingenious method

to hide its heft from prey.

With a snakeskin jacket,

patterned with brown, yellow and white...

the gaboon blends in to the forest floor.

(SOFT RUSTLING)

Finally, a mark approaches.

An unassuming quail...

making the most of its early evening foraging.

Huh? Has the viper been spotted?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

No. His non-reflective, black markings

absorb almost the light, mimicking holes in the leaf litter.

The viper readies the tools of his trade...

..a pair of 5cm-long stilettos

hidden in fleshy sheaths.

Finally, the victim is in range.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

The fangs deliver the highest venom yield of any terrestrial snake.

A deadly concoction that destroys blood cells and tissue.

Swallowing the bird is a huge job...

..but the gaboon is having quail of a time!

Opening his double-hinged jaws to their full capacity.

Shifting his windpipe, so he can still breathe.

A made man, the gaboon sinks back into the jungle floor...

..wondering how long to wait before for his next shake-down.

(DEEP BELCH)

Deep in the heart of the Malaysian jungle...

..there is a cave

that seethes with subterranean life

and reeking guano.

Every day, the cave grows bigger...

terraformed by millions of bats and birds.

This chamber of horrors is not for the faint-hearted.

They call it...

Gomantong.

The daily routine of Borneo's most infamous cave...

..is millions of years in the making.

(SOFT DRIPPING AND SPLASHING)

10am.

Two million wrinkle-lipped bats

cling to the ceiling waiting for the sunset.

(SQUEAKING)

For company...

thousands of swiftlets living and breeding in the darkness.

Both do two things continually...

..breathe and defecate...

depositing acidic guano on the walls and ground below.

This crap-fest eats away at the cave floor...

..while the carbon dioxide

from millions of creatures exhaling en masse

rises to decay the cave's ceiling.

1pm.

(RUSTLING)

As the guano piles even higher...

..millions of cockroaches

and trillions of bacteria get to work...

..consuming the faeces as it rains down.

A sick bat has fallen from the ceiling.

The nutrients roaches can't get from bat dung...

..they retrieve from the corpse.

(RUSTLING AND MUNCHING)

6pm.

Gomantong's night shift clocks on.

Taking to the wing, the bats are hungry.

Before they can forage for fruits and flowers,

they must run the gauntlet.

Birds of prey wait at the cave's entrance.

This brahminy kite soars into action.

The bats fly out in a dense stream to confuse their predator...

(BIRDS SCREECH)

..sacrificing manoeuvrability for speed.

In the end, it's just a matter of time.

As dawn breaks,

the survivors will return to the depths of Gomantong...

..sculpting the very walls of this chamber of horrors

for millennia to come.

(CHIRRUPING AND SQUAWKING)

From its vantage, the future looks bright

for this baby Nazca booby.

Learning to fly...

..plunge diving for sardines with its pals...

(CHIRRUPING AND SQUAWKING)

..and one day, finding a mate.

Breeding just once a year...

..these birds couple for life.

(SCREECHING)

But...

there are others just as attracted to boobies...

..drinking their blood behind their backs.

Welcome to the island of the vampire finch.

Wolf Island,

the remotest of all Galapagos islands,

is over a million years old.

A few hundred years ago,

this little finch's ancestor was blown here in a storm.

The castaway found itself in a safe haven.

Like finches on the mainland, it fed on fruits, seeds, nectar and insects.

Out here though, food is limited.

The closest land is over 1,500 kilometres away...

..and these small birds don't have the wing power to fly the distance.

Out of necessity,

the finches developed...

a thirst for blood.

(INTREPID MUSIC)

This one is parched.

Target locked.

With surgical precision, the finch makes a tiny cut.

Blood trickles down the victim's feathers...

..and the vampire laps up the precious fluid.

(SCREECHES)

Early in their evolutionary partnership

the finches were just removing parasites,

so the boobies didn't seem to mind.

For these little feathered ghouls...

the blood is a source of protein

to supplement their diet on the rocky outcrop.

A desert island where bloodsucking vampires hunt boobies.

Nature's B-grade movie.

These free-spirited mammals live a spinful life...

..here in Brazil's Fernando de Noronha Marine Park...

a gangster's paradise.

And this is one social gang.

Hanging out below the waves...

or in the air.

Welcome to Spin City!

For this extended dolphin family...

every leap and splash serves a different purpose.

Whether shaking off parasites...

..letting the family know which way to go...

..or telling the others who's boss...

..these aerial acrobatics are also a language of love.

(SOFT CLICKING)

This female takes to the air...

..letting the males know she's ready to breed.

But these spinners are also swingers.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

(CLICKING AND SQUEAKING)

And the female prefers quantity to quality.

Every guy's got fin in the game.

Today, she'll mate with several different partners...

..with good reason.

One year later...

and the female has produced a calf.

Her pride and joy.

The pair share a strong bond.

For the suite of last year's partners,

any one of them could be the youngster's father.

They'll all work to protect the calf

and any others they may have sired.

As the calf grows,

he soon gets into the spin of things.

An unconventional heir...

..that loves the air.

Borneo's elephants are one of a kind.

Only 1,500 left in the wild...

(TRUMPETING)

..these are the smallest elephants on the planet.

(TRUMPETING)

But if there was a prize for family spirit...

..this gang of pint-sized pachyderms

would take the trophy.

(RAIN PATTERS)

It's a very wet day in the Malaysian jungle.

16cm of rain in 24 hours drenches the forest...

..and swells the island's rivers and streams.

Old news to a species highly evolved to live in these jungles.

(TRUMPETING)

Led by the oldest and largest female, the matriarch,

this group depend on each other to survive.

Swollen rivers are usually no obstacle for elephant gangs...

..but today is different.

There's a newcomer to consider.

Just days old, he hasn't even had his first swimming lesson.

An older cousin rumbles in first...

..gouging out a clear path for those to follow.

Aunts and sisters are next.

But the little one hesitates.

(TRUMPETING)

His mum, the matriarch, coaxes him in.

The undercurrent is strong.

(TRUMPETING)

His trunk is not yet strong enough to hold up as a snorkel.

The herd prop him up.

20m across, for a small calf,

this river might as well be the Amazon.

But with guidance from the family,

instinct kicks in and the calf finds his groove.

Solid ground.

(TRUMPETING)

This crossing is the first of thousands

the calf will make in his lifetime.

Thanks to the protection of the herd,

he'll one day grow into his tusks...

..as one of the most unique elephant species on earth.

(EERIE MUSIC)

Peer into this face and you are seeing the world

as it was 50 million years ago.

That's how long this bird has stalked these forests.

It's known as the most dangerous bird alive.

The last surviving dinosaur.

Living in Northern Australia and New Guinea's ancient rainforests...

..the cassowary, like the love child of a peacock and a velociraptor,

is a dangerous collage of weirdness.

But just because they're badass bush bandits

doesn't mean they can't be kickass fathers.

The cassowary is undoubtedly one of nature's greatest dads.

This one is preparing for a first date.

And if it works out,

he's gonna have his hands full for the next 12 months.

(RAUNCHY MUSIC) What a sight!

His girl is dressed to kill.

She moves like a dream.

With stately long legs

and oh-so-perfect nails.

One swift kick with her talons and she can disembowel him.

So, he plays coy.

He's always had a thing for taller birds.

(DEEP CLUCKING)

What comes next...comes natural.

Months later, he may be single

and his girl may be off with other eligible bachelors -

doing her bit for the species according to her socials...

..but he's not alone.

Under his bristly, black feathers...

..his kids.

For the next 12 months,

it's Dad's job to school them in all things cassowary.

Lesson one: Cassowaries are frugivores.

So, over 150 types of forest fruit

make for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

As self-appointed forest cultivators,

this is a cassowary's nine-to-five job.

Swallow the fruit whole

and let digestion do its thing.

Some seeds only germinate

once passing through the cassowary's gut.

(GRUMBLING)

(SQUELCHING)

Lesson two:

Keeping cool.

A luxurious bath and a cold drink is just the start you need.

Lesson three: Stay safe.

Keeping boisterous kids alive is a real challenge.

(SINISTER MUSIC)

Try as he might, he can't always keep his eyes peeled for danger...

protecting all the kids at once.

But when in doubt... Run, guys!

A year later, despite his best efforts,

only two chicks survive.

Dad's done all he can.

And now it's up to them

to find their path and fulfil their own destiny.

#BestDadEver!

When your family has been evolving for over 400 million years...

..weird cousins are gonna be a thing.

Sharks are one of the oldest gang of animals on the planet.

Seemingly with one for every occasion.

True giants that oddly eat only microscopic fish.

Mallet-shaped gawkers with an appetite for stingrays.

Sharks with leopard spots.

And the brutes, of course.

Then there's the deep thinkers...

..who never say much

and always seem to be watching you.

This is cousin wobbegong.

Tucked into their shallow water caves around Australia and Indonesia,

the world view of this tasselled wobbegong

is not unlike that of a zen hermit.

The art of stillness

opens the door to being.

Unlike some of his cousins,

he doesn't need to keep moving to breathe.

He pumps water over his gills with his cheek muscles,

keeping his blood oxygenated.

Meditating on his next meal for hours at a time,

he becomes one with everything.

Covered in mottled skin and weed-like tassels...

..he looks more like the coral surrounding him

than what he is...

a deadly shark.

(SINISTER MUSIC)

Flicking his tail, he mimics the movements of smaller fish.

The wobbegong focuses only on the now.

His tail and markings arouse the precise amount of curiosity needed.

But intrigue doesn't always end in enlightenment.

Another fish falls prey to the wobbegong's will.

Steeped in self-mastery,

the tasselled wobbegong stays still 90% of its life.

But when it attacks it does so with explosive speed.

Its gaping mouth alters the water pressure...

..transforming into a vacuum chamber...

..consuming meals in a fraction of a second.

Everything must pass,

including the small fish.

The wobbegong, in zen balance,

wastes no time thinking otherwise.

When it comes to macho "I've got a big rig" displays...

..the schnoz on this male monkey is one for the ages.

A nose that's the longest of all primates...

(HONKING)

..complimented by a massive pot belly.

But for promiscuous females...

these attributes are dead sexy.

(GROWLING)

In fact, if his nose and belly impress...

(CHITTERING)

..he might even attract a whole gang of female groupies...

..roaming the jungles together

as he fathers children at will.

It may sound like a cult...

but it's just the way this guy and his harem roll.

The male proboscis monkey has a weirdly cushy marital life.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

But once every year,

the monsoon pours water over the whole affair.

(RAIN PATTERS)

15cm of rain in just a single day spells trouble.

(GRUNTING AND SCREECHING)

The gang usually dine on tender leaves

that grow at the edge of rivers.

But when the waterways flood

the troop must journey for food

via aerial highway.

Arriving at the river, the male keeps watch as the youngsters cross first.

The females follow.

But the swollen river has a hidden danger.

An ancient adversary stirs.

Crocodiles are proboscis monkeys' greatest predators.

The hunter waits for a monkey misstep.

Close.

Ooh. Good recovery.

But the next young female miscalculates her jump.

(HEAVY SPLASH)

(TENSE MUSIC)

She's completely unaware of the imminent danger.

But the male proboscis monkey spots the croc.

(SCREECHES) His nose amplifies his alarm calls.

(GRUNTS AND BARKS)

The female now knows she must get out of there quick.

(SCREECHES)

Just in the nick of time.

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

Luckily, the alpha male has a nose for danger.

Life in the tropics gets a lot of good PR in the brochures.

Warm twinkling meadows of seagrass...

..and colourful locals cavorting amongst the mangroves.

But the truth is, tropical waters have some rough neighbourhoods...

..and shady characters.

(SINISTER MUSIC)

This crab is either incredibly brave...

..or remarkably foolish.

Because foraging in these vacant sand flats

is a great way to get mugged...

..by this guy.

(CRUNCHING)

This coconut octopus has captured dinner...

(CRUNCHING)

..and blown his cover.

A risky move in this food chain.

It's all well and good for his pimped-up cousins

who run the reef rackets.

Thousands of colour-changing cells help them blend right in.

But in these barren badlands,

hideouts are hard to come by.

But a mugger's gotta mug, right?

So, he improvises.

With hundreds of thousands of neurons running down each tentacle,

the coconut octopus literally thinks on his feet.

A plastic cup could keep him safe.

But sharks and other shylocks aren't stupid.

One of his crew makes do with a broken bottle.

But none of these lairs provide enough protection.

(NEW YORK ACCENT) "What's a guy gotta do

to find a hideout around here?

Clamshells?

Now this has potential!"

Faced with two options,

octopus street smarts come naturally.

Two shells are better than one.

It pays to have a plan.

Now, put it to the test.

This crab has no idea

that the clamshells hide its nemesis.

This kind of caper is all...

about...timing.

A 50km-per-hour jet burst gave the crab no chance.

Powerful tentacles crunch through the shell.

(CRUNCHING)

Then...an injection of venom dissolves the crab's innards.

Coconut octopuses that stalk the open sand flats

work hard for their quarry.

But this kind of tool use means they work smart too.

Joining chimpanzees, monkeys, dolphins and crows...

..in an ever-expanding gang of non-human tool masters.

The bugs of New Caledonia have it extraordinarily good.

No mammals to feast on them

and no reptiles to keep them in check.

(SOFT CHITTERING)

This island, it seems,

is an insectoid paradise.

But the wood-borer beetle ain't buying it.

(CRUNCHING AND SQUELCHING)

As it feasts, it deposits its eggs and larvae

deep within the trees...

..protected from the world in wooden vaults.

But a predator vacuum never goes unnoticed for too long in nature.

(SQUAWKING) There's a roving gang of safe crackers

who've perfected the art of the larvae heist.

(SQUAWKING)

Introducing the New Caledonian crow.

This bird has never met a code it can't crack.

When nature throws curveballs, like, say, a tough nut...

..this egghead has all the smarts to find a solution.

Too easy.

But busting open a wooden vault

full of protein-rich beetle larvae

is a challenge worthy of his pilfering genius.

With powers of reasoning rivalling a seven-year-old child...

(FAINT CREAKING)

..his keen ears pick up sounds of the prize within.

(FAINT CREAKING)

Through a tiny cavity, he can just about see it too.

Chipping away at the wood is tedious,

especially when your bill isn't reinforced for the impact

like a woodpecker's beak.

This problem...

..needs a smart solution.

A carefully selected tool might be just the key to this conundrum.

Wielding a twig in his bill, he inserts it into the tree cavity.

(INTREPID MUSIC)

He's fishing for grub.

Forward-pointing eyes help him manoeuvre the stick within.

It helps that his bill is smaller than other crows

and doesn't obstruct his vision.

Prodding over and over, he irritates the grub.

He can feel it biting back on the stick.

He's snagged a big one.

Like any angler knows, the proof of the catch

is when you've reeled the fish in.

There won't be any catch-and-release with this one...

..because on Planet Weird, there's no bag limit.

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