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Very well. Goodbye.

Professor Romano will be in Rome tomorrow morning.

He'll go to the Ministry to retrieve the plans for his new invention.

The plans will be in a black leather briefcase,

just like this one.

I want those plans.

From the Ministry, Romano will go on to Ciampino airport.

He booked two seats to Turin.

Tony handled the details.

How's it coming, Tony?

We know all we need to know.

The lovely Zellara will be at the airport.

Good. She knows what she has to do.

Blynn, you'll tail him.

- Understood? - Understood!

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY PETER CHEYNEY

This little man has a kind face, don't you think?

My friend Romano is a real character.

He's the wackiest of scholars, the most scholarly of wackos.

His brain's constantly hard at work under that skull.

He comes up with brilliant ideas every day.

He's always working on some sensational plan.

You never know where he'll take you. Nor does he, for that matter.

That's why I love him so.

I was sick and tired of dirty tricks and gangsters,

so I took my cowboy hat

and got on a plane to Italy. Ah... what a place!

Italian men everywhere,

and Italian women, who have it all.

Not in the front or the rear.

You know what I mean.

Make no mistake, we're going to have a real picnic with Romano.

Lemmy Caution, on vacation.

Blows your mind, doesn't it?

My dog, please! My dog!

TWA flight 942 from New York has arrived.

TWA flight 942 from New York has arrived.

Finally!

What a wonderful day, old sport! Come here!

I'm delighted to see you.

See? I never forget my friends.

Or their habits. These are my favorite cigars!

You can't find them anywhere here! Dear Lemmy!

It's Willy now. Forget Lemmy.

I'm William T. Helob, businessman from Dallas, Texas, here on vacation.

I want some peace and quiet.

If it's rest and relaxation you want, there's no better place

than my country home amid the rosebushes.

Roses? Great! It's very kind of you to come and pick me up.

Of course! Besides, I had to pass by the Ministry

for something.

It always comes down to one thing, the budget.

Yet I'm giving them a real treasure.

Anyway, hurry up! The plane for Turin leaves in an hour.

Did everything go to plan?

Close the door!

Open it, then.

I can't understand a word of it.

- Let me take a look. - Why? Are you a chemist now?

Tell Dario I'll be at home waiting for him to examine the documents.

Judging by your face, your fortune isn't made yet.

They're incompetent.

Dario can't make head or tail of the plans.

Dario isn't the only engineer.

Who else could decipher Prof. Romano's formulas?

You're funny.

Go laugh in your room then, and leave us to it.

- What a gentleman. - Hear me?

My advice, if you were smart enough to take it,

is that the only one who can read Romano, is Romano.

Uh-huh.

Stop daydreaming, Tony!

How do we get to Romano?

He lives in the countryside, near Turin.

- That's not too far away. - Or hard to get to.

So, that's precisely a job for you.

No?

Do we have anyone out there?

Yes. I'll call the Tico Tico.

- Look at that mansion! - Hey!

Alright! Here we are.

- Hold on, let me park the car. - Okay, boss.

Are you dead?

I don't think so.

You must have a lump.

You think so? What happened?

They took my uncle.

- Who's your uncle? - Well, you came here with him!

Ah! He's your uncle?

You're silly. Not really, but he's kind.

- Did you see everything? - Yes, there were three bad men.

Look, the one with the mustache dropped this.

You really did see everything.

- What's your name? - Marina. What's yours?

- Willy. Where are your parents? - I don't know.

- Are you all alone? - Yes.

Are you hungry?

- Come with me. - In the car?

Romano's treasure, intact?

Oh, no. I spoke too soon.

The papers, and the man himself.

Well, better find the guy who took the plans.

The wise guy ruining my vacation

will pay for this.

Waiter!

Does Tico Tico mean anything to you?

Yes, sir. It's nearby.

Like that?

Waiter!

I'll have the same.

I get the feeling we're going to have a lot of fun with this one.

Sir?

What can I do for you, Miss?

Your hat.

Do you like it? What will you give me in exchange?

- A ticket. - Is that all you're offering?

During my shift, yes.

I'll be back.

- Who's that? - Miss Fernanda.

I'll have a whisky.

Ah, the handsome Tony Martinelli.

Wherever you spot this guy,

there's a hold-up in the air.

A curious coincidence indeed.

Will you tell that string bean over there I want to speak with him?

That gentleman wants to talk to you.

To me?

Tell him I've never seen his stupid face before.

Sir, the gentleman says he doesn't believe you're acquainted.

Sing Sing.

- What do you want? - Romano.

- Who sent you? - Guess.

If it's who I think it is, tell him I'm not impressed.

I'm waiting for an answer.

Piss off.

Don't bother, here it is.

Another whisky on that good fellow's tab.

Tony will be furious. I know him well.

You should leave before he returns.

I know me. I think I'll be staying.

- So you don't want to leave? - With you?

- No, alone. - Then I'll stay.

What are you doing here?

- Dancing. - Let's dance, then.

What's your problem with Tony?

It's about a professor. Tony loves money too much.

Are we still dancing?

It's a little too crowded.

If you know somewhere a little quieter, lead the way.

Come on, then.

I find gorgeous, curvy women

attractive. Irresistibly so.

I couldn't help but let myself be distracted.

So much for the rules.

Take off your hat. You won't last the summer here.

No, not on the couch. It's bad luck.

You can take the chair over there, and I'll sit here.

Or vice versa, if you prefer.

Perhaps there's a third option.

Keep your hands behind your back.

Your back.

So, what game are we playing?

Whatever you want.

Is Tony a friend of yours?

He's one of the club's clients. An old friend.

What does he do around here?

Oh, I never ask him that. He comes and goes.

Are you ever serious?

When I'm being serious, I get nasty easily.

I hope not.

You express too much with your hands.

In Italy, it's contagious.

Shall we dance? There's just enough room.

Without music? How dull.

You have a one-track mind, don't you?

That's why I get the job done, honey.

- Slow down. - That's no fun.

What if someone walks in on us?

Here? There's only enough room for the two of us.

Let's not rush anything.

This way, we'll meet again, right?

I hope so.

We have so much to discuss.

I'll pick you up at the end of the night.

Am I bothering you?

As much as anyone who enters without knocking.

What did that cowboy tell you?

That you're both interested in this professor,

and that you love money very much.

Whereas you prefer jewelry, right?

Here's my advice. Stay out of it.

If you really love your jewels.

You know, all your boys' stories.

Apart from diamonds, nothing interests me.

"William T. Helob."

Best to stay out of this business, "businessman."

Rough him up and take him on a little tour of the countryside.

Istria will be pleased.

- What was that? - Don't you recognize the code?

So, is the scientist behaving?

- He sure is. - Alright, good.

I have news for you. Istria's trying to play us.

He brought over an American to keep us off the case.

No kidding!

- Who does he think he is? - A big shot.

It would hurt his pride to share with friends.

What will we do, then?

I'll let you know.

Got it?

Good evening, Professor.

- I don't know you. - Then let's get to know one another,

and have a nice chat. We're not enemies.

We want to help make your invention a reality.

You have the ideas, we have the money.

How about it?

If you want to discuss a business proposal, why kidnap me?

To protect you.

You've been targeted by bandits.

Ah... yes, I can believe that.

But it can be difficult to distinguish bandits from good, honest people.

Oh, you know, you shouldn't think too hard about it.

I'm going to make this musician waltz.

Open the door and jump out.

Where's the professor?

- I don't know any professor! - Take me to him.

Shame, that's such a nice hat.

Of course, once I cut your ears off, it won't sit right anymore.

It's better to just get it over with.

Don't you have anything to say?

It's so nice to be able to converse with intelligent people.

- Well? - What if I refuse?

It would be best if you accepted.

Yes, but I need my plans.

- You need them? - Well. Do you play pinochle?

You can't play without cards.

- Well, me neither! - Understood.

You'll get your papers once we arrive.

- Are we going somewhere? - Well, you can't work here.

You'll need a proper facility.

You'll see, we'll take good care of you.

Come on, let's go.

All the birds have flown the roost.

Too bad. My brave colleague Clifton from the FBI is in Rome for a while.

I'll put him to work on this.

It's what he's paid to do.

He's not on vacation.

That poor, big kid Romano... In a stable,

just like Baby Jesus.

But with a kitten instead of an ox.

Call this number and put the line through to Miss Fernanda.

Hello? Yes, I'll hold.

I bet that bastard Istria sent that Yank here to meddle.

It's none of my business,

but that American isn't the type to be told what to do.

Hello? Hello, Istria? Tony here.

Listen, there's been a little problem with your American.

Willy Helob.

You don't know him? The guy in the hat!

He took the professor.

The boys came up empty-handed.

We've been double-crossed.

What's more, he wants to make a deal with us.

He sent me a, very clever woman.

Her name is Fernanda.

Yes. Yes, I'll try.

Shall I send her over? We can keep negotiating, nothing's final.

Alright, I'll keep you posted.

What the hell are you doing?

Just doing what I'm told to do.

You gave me an idea.

If you help me out, there's a river of diamonds in it for you.

The only thing is, if you want the river, you have to get wet.

Wait here. I'll be back to fetch you.

It wasn't me, I swear, it wasn't me! I'm innocent.

This is the culprit. He's the one that did it.

Is Fernanda here?

She left.

And the handsome Tony?

- He left, too. - They left together?

I don't know, I'm not their keeper.

So, no one's here? How sad.

There's me. I'm still here.

And what will you offer me in exchange for my hat this time?

I'll finish my shift in ten minutes.

When is the next flight to Rome?

The last one tonight leaves in half an hour. That's it.

Half an hour isn't enough time for us.

Sorry, doll. Never forget me.

You're forgetting something.

- What are you doing here? - Looking for you.

Why run away? You were safe with the sisters at the convent.

What do I do with you now?

- Take me with you. - Ah, no.

Why not?

Alright, the family keeps on growing.

You, a cat, when do we get a horse?

I'd prefer a little donkey.

Just in time. I was about to leave.

I didn't waste my time. I was dealing with the professor.

He agreed. Now it's your turn.

Handle this right, Istria will give you the papers and the deal is done.

And I'll be rich.

There you are, Miss Fernanda. A man asked after you.

- I said you'd already left. - Who?

- American. - The American?

Yes, with the hat.

What? Where did he go?

Oh, he's long gone. He's taking the plane to Rome in 15 minutes.

Huh? I thought you'd taken care of him.

He won't see what's coming.

We'll be ready for him.

Mr. Helob, please report to the information desk.

-Mr. Helob-- - Here I am!

Here.

There was a special delivery for you.

- For me? - Yes.

Mr. Helob wishes to thank his admirers,

and has a wonderful surprise in store for them.

The American is here.

Yes. With a little girl and a kitten.

He seems pleased.

Let's keep this simple.

Tail him. Don't let him out of your sight!

Blynn will relieve you. Yes, sure, bye!

- Where do you live? - In America.

- Is it far away? - Very far away.

I'd like to go there with you.

What's that?

- That's the-- - That's the Piazza del Popolo.

- Thank you, Miss. - Flowers?

Excuse me, ma'am. Thank you.

Thank you.

Ticket, please!

Oh, Lemmy! Buddy!

What are you doing here? You could have told me, I'd have come for you.

I'm sorry, look at you! In top form.

That hat looks wonderful on you. And a tie, too!

- You look like a real cowboy. - Say...

I know why taxes are so high here.

So secret service cops can grow flowers.

I was given some on arrival.

Really? By who?

- A lady! - This is Marina, my assistant.

She sees all, knows all and meddles in all.

Which lady?

She stroked my kitten, and then you gave her a flower.

I didn't give anyone a flower.

Yes, you did. At the Piazza.

That was the same woman from the airport? Are you sure?

You're a real gem.

Did you hear Romano's been kidnapped?

Come on, I'll explain.

Marina, you're going to stay here with my friend for a while.

Why sulk?

I'll come back.

If you stay here with me, I'll lend you my pruners!

Here you go!

By the way, I wanted to tell you... Well, say...

I see you've taken precautions.

Don't you remember? I'm William T. Helob, here on vacation.

Oh, right! I see.

In any case, I can give you a good tip.

Tony is only second in command. The real mastermind is here in Rome. Istria.

I do love a private tour,

especially when I'm not invited.

Sticking one's nose into everything,

leads to interesting discoveries.

You can be looking for one thing...

and find another entirely.

For consolation,

you can't get much better than a good whisky.

There are always surprises in store.

Some good... and some bad.

There's nothing to complain about, we're happy.

It's just enough to get what we want.

Say, how about a drink while we wait for the others?

That's not a bad idea.

Mr. Istria will see you now.

Mr. Istria, hello. It's a pleasure to meet you.

You know who sent me?

Take a seat, Miss.

I'm sure we'll soon come to an arrangement.

That may be the case. You're aware of our proposal?

Why the rush to get down to business?

Isn't that what we're here for?

- Are you sure about that? - Quite sure.

Fine, let's talk.

Remind me of your proposal.

You know of Prof. Romano?

Romano? No, I'm afraid I don't know who you mean.

Really?

Really!

Well, that's too bad. In that case, I'm sorry to have bothered you.

No, no, if that means I'll be deprived of your charming company,

then let's say I do know this Prof. Romano.

Well, we have him.

Who's "we"?

- I can't tell you that. - Of course.

And what is it you plan to do with the professor?

Business.

With my involvement, I suppose?

Alright. I'll buy it.

I'm not selling anything.

In that case, I don't see what it is you're proposing.

A partnership.

- Fifty... Fifty. - Is that so?

We have what you need, and vice versa.

You speak in riddles.

Take it or leave it.

I don't have time to haggle. Tell them I accept.

Oh! Excuse me.

Here's to our collaboration.

Should you ever decide to negotiate on your own behalf,

I'd be interested.

Who knows? Anything is possible.

You're the kind of woman that makes everything exciting.

Is Mr. Istria here?

- No, sir-- - That's all I wanted to know.

- Is there a coat closet somewhere? - Why, naturally, sir.

Wait! You can't... Come on!

Everything in its place. Time to tidy up a little.

Well, well. Not a bad place at all.

He has it all, but the lady of the house seems to be missing.

I'm sure if she saw me, her reaction would be priceless.

Who's there?

It's me.

You're here to tune the piano?

At your service, ma'am.

My husband's such a ham-fisted pianist.

Some of the keys are off.

Don't you worry, I know music.

Let's get to know each other better.

- Who are you? - William T. Helob.

An art lover.

What are you doing here?

Me? I'm visiting Rome. What about you?

- I'm Mrs. Istria. - My respects, ma'am.

Don't act the fool!

If you don't leave immediately, I'll call the butler!

Don't bother, he's in the closet.

At least give me something to cover up with!

- Turn around. - With great regret.

Hello? Hello!

Police? There's a madman in my house.

If you're going to take that tone, I'll leave.

Don't bother. I'll show myself out.

So, we're in agreement?

We manufacture the machine as partners,

and split the profits 50:50.

- Is that all? - At least for today.

- Right now, let's stick to business. - Yes, for today.

May I have the documents?

When will you give me the professor?

You'll meet him tonight, at nine o'clock.

Where? Your place?

Surely you don't think I'm the one keeping him.

What about afterwards?

After... afterwards... We'll see.

The boss is meeting Fernanda tonight at 9:00, at her place.

He wants you to send men to ensure it's not a trap.

If you call him,

and tell him it's safe, he'll bring the documents.

That way, the professor and his plans will finally be reunited.

The boss is going to make a fortune with his new partner.

There is no new partner.

I have the professor.

- You? - If you work with me, you won't regret it.

- What about the boss? - I'll take care of him myself.

What do you want me to do?

Call Istria and tell him to bring the documents tonight, as planned.

Ah, the innocent Fernanda making friends with Istria.

You were right, Mama Caution.

Never hang around girls with pretty faces.

You know how it begins,

but you never know how it ends.

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

You have a charming home.

Did you come here to tell me that?

Only to see your beautiful eyes.

I must admit, it was worth it.

- Not just for your eyes, either. - You're obsessed!

That's right.

I am quite literally fascinated.

Like a poor little bunny,

in front of a fearsome rattlesnake.

Am I the rattlesnake?

No, just an adorable little liar.

A liar? Me?

I saw you leaving Istria's office.

After claiming to know nothing about the professor.

That was true! But I've since learned a little more.

A little more?

Just a little.

Just my luck.

- Leave, quickly! - Why?

I'll explain. No, not here. In there.

Farewell, darling.

Good evening. How punctual!

In business, always.

Please, come in.

Giuseppe! Have the professor come downstairs.

I can't wait to meet this Prof. Romano.

He is at your service.

Do you have the documents?

Yes, of course.

Ah! I see you've brought my papers.

Dear professor, it's such a pleasure to meet you.

- Hello. May I take a look? - Time is of the essence, professor.

Your plans will be returned to you as soon as you're safe.

And where might that be?

Somewhere no one will disturb you.

Escort the professor.

We still have a few details to iron out.

Now that we're friends,

wouldn't you prefer to discuss this at your home?

Why? Don't you like it here?

This is charming.

Thank you. So I've been told.

Have you also been told that--

Yes, I've been told almost everything.

So. Do you have the plans?

Perhaps you've heard it before, but you truly are adorable.

Where do you plan to have the machine manufactured?

Adorable, but a little naïve.

- What do you mean? - Thanks for the scientist.

But...

Well, I never take on business partners on principle,

but especially not a woman.

No. You're not made to do business, only to enjoy the profits.

After all, it's just another kind of partnership.

You should never hit a woman.

Not even for pleasure.

Who are you?

William T. Helob. At your service.

Ah. The American.

I'd forgotten.

You missed.

Let's go! The American shot Istria!

Hit you hard, did it, buddy?

Don't worry, it's all over now.

But I'm not done with this job.

Hello, Clifton?

I ended up running into Istria.

Now I'm going to pay his widow a visit.

His widow? Wow, you move fast!

It's not me you should be congratulating,

but someone else. I'm not exactly sure who.

I'll be right there.

Where are you? Hold on, let me write it down.

It's funny,

I'm starting to feel right at home here.

If I want something, there's no need to ask for it.

I know where it is and I don't care.

Ah. The tourist.

Seeing Rome at night, too?

Yes, dear lady. Some sights you never forget.

Like a safe, perhaps?

If you get the Italian police involved,

warn them that Lemmy Caution, FBI agent, is here on vacation.

You're Lemmy Caution?

What are you looking for?

A professor.

You don't expect me to believe he's in the safe?

His documents could very well be in there.

Your husband was in on it.

In any case, you won't touch anything until he returns.

I doubt he'll return.

He was in bad shape when I left him.

Injured?

- He's dead? - I'm sorry.

You killed him!

No, but surely another who appreciates documents.

- As I expected. - I don't give a damn about your papers.

Neither do I.

It's the professor I'm looking for, and I will find him.

- I'll help you. - Why?

To avenge my husband.

Careful now, this could get dangerous.

I can get dangerous, too.

- Find anything? - Yes, Romano was here. Look.

A trail of crumbs.

I called the police. They'll be here soon.

Yes, he's here. I just saw him come in.

Alright.

Listen, here's what you're going to do.

Hello? Yes?

Is that you, Tony? It's me, Lara.

Come and meet me. You'll find me down Conti Alley, number seven.

Come. Hurry!

What's going on?

- It's a trap. - Like Mama Caution used to say,

"Whenever you put your foot in it, you always get something out of it,

even if it's just a punch in the face."

- Alright, let's go. - You stay here. Be good.

You can finish the bottle.

CONTI ALLEY

The nights are hot in Mexico

The climate...

What's all this?

It's chaos!

I'll have a cognac.

He's definitely in here, I saw him come in!

So did I!

He wasn't there?

Check under the tables!

Come on, boys, let's get him!

It's hard to say life is beautiful

when you have a pistol in your back.

It's much nicer with a pretty doll in your lap.

Say, now. Doesn't every death row inmate get one last wish?

Well, I...

Play me "Auld Lang Syne."

I love the harmonica. Go ahead.

If that's the way you want to go.

- My condolences, ma'am. - Thank you, Pietro.

I have some good news for you.

The man who killed your husband is dead.

- Who was it? - Helob, the American.

- Is that so? - You can count on me.

We could accomplish great things together.

On what terms?

Your terms are my terms.

After everything your husband did for me.

Memories are a beautiful thing, Tony.

I can think of better.

What's that?

Forgetting.

I'm going to change.

Black definitely doesn't suit my complexion.

- Yoo-hoo? - Yoo-hoo!

- Is someone down there? - Yes!

I can't say I'm waiting to see the Pope.

They wouldn't believe me.

What are you doing in there?

Why, waiting for you.

Handcuffs!

Is he a gangster?

- Are you a gangster, sir? - No, just a tourist.

- An American? - How did you guess?

- What's he saying? - He says he's American,

and was attacked by--

Hey! I think it's best we do the interview up there.

Ever since I was born,

women have always held me in their arms.

Say, Professor...

When will this machine of yours be finished?

There's a wonderful proverb:

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Our hen hasn't even laid any eggs yet.

BODY OF AN AMERICAN TOURIST DISCOVERED AT THE BOTTOM OF A WELL

- Good morning. - Hello.

- That hurts. - Sorry.

Your pulse is quick this morning.

Are you surprised?

Well, I need to give you a shot.

You need to sit up a little higher.

Don't forget, you're supposed to be dead.

Then you're not in danger.

Hello?

Just my luck.

You're still here, are you?

Yes, Uncle Freddy's been looking after me.

Uncle Freddy? Who's that?

Me!

- You didn't tell me. - Well, you know what she's like.

Oh, these are very pretty.

Aunt Lucia will put them in some water.

Aunt Lucia?

What a family.

Here, I want you to try this.

- Not sweet enough. - Think so?

What do you want?

Two hundred and fifty lire.

All women think about is money.

To think, I was hoping to be loved for being me.

What's new? Any sign of Romano?

No, but Mrs. Istria has gone missing.

Ah, that's a shame.

She could have helped us. And the others?

Gone without a trace.

- Even my guardian angel? - Who?

- The girl from the airport. - No one else saw her.

Remember what she looks like?

Yes. She was...

She was blonde, but I've seen so many blondes.

Here, try it now.

- Perfect. - Yes, of course you can have some, too.

Good, right?

What about my money?

What do you want to buy?

The photo. Remember?

When you gave the flower to that lady?

- I have the ticket. - My blonde? Give me that.

Clifton, forget your sauce.

Find the photographer. Have him make loads of copies.

Relax, I know what I'm doing.

If she's in Rome, we'll find her.

Marina, you're worthy of being Lemmy Caution's daughter.

Yes, Daddy.

Oh, Daddy!

- What's going on? - We found your pin-up.

Well, it's about time. Where is she?

Right now, sitting at a café with a friend.

You haven't seen my pipe, have you?

- No. - No?

Go, Clifton. Don't let her out of your sight.

- Send a car over for me. - You're in no state to walk, buddy.

- Go and stop wasting time! - Alright, fine.

- Clifton! - Yes?

Ah! Thanks!

Thank you.

Excuse me.

How long for a telegram to Palermo?

- Three hours. - Thank you.

"Tony Martinelli, Hotel Belvedere, Palermo."

"The cowboy is back from the dead. Zellara."

I'll leave tomorrow.

- No, Clifton. This is my job. - No way.

You went out this morning. Enough.

I'm fine, look!

The doctor ordered you to stay home for eight days. Get some rest.

Fine, fine. I'll stay here.

Clifton!

- What are you up to? - I know you, Lemmy.

You won't leave without the doctor's permission as long as I live.

- You forgot the hat. - This is enough.

Being held hostage?

Poor thing.

I suppose you'll have to spend another week with naughty Nurse Lucia.

And who's going to go and fetch lovely Lemmy's clothes for him?

Certainly not me.

You won't do that?

For me?

Unfortunately, your shoes didn't fit me.

Too bad. I'll just wear slippers.

Farewell, darling.

Good evening, Daddy.

What are you doing here?

I saw her leave your shoes behind.

What would I do without you?

You don't have to be without me.

I can't take you with me, sweetie. I have an important job to do.

You stay here with Uncle Freddy, and perhaps then...

Then?

Then I'll come back and see you.

What about after that?

- Then I'll take you to the circus. - Then what?

Then what, then what. We'll see. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Daddy.

A cowboy in Palermo

isn't something you see every day.

But a crocodile in a bathing suit...

That's worth the trip.

- Mr. Helob! - Yep.

- I thought you were dead. - You're not the only one.

What happened?

Say, you seem to be on good terms with Tony these days?

- To each their own. - I don't blame you.

I played the game.

But I think Tony brought me here,

to throw people off the scent. The scientist isn't here.

Where is he?

All I know is that tomorrow we're leaving for Trieste.

That's where they must be hiding the professor.

Trieste? Hmm.

I see he's taking precautions.

As you should.

It'd be best if you got down there before we do.

We make a handsome couple, you and I.

Are you going to leave me all alone in the ocean with the sharks?

I trust you.

The sharks are nothing compared to the mermaids.

HOTEL BELVEDERE

- Where is he? - Shh.

I thought you were dead!

- Not completely. - But it was in the papers!

If I had to die every time they killed me...

Stay.

Now, look.

It can't be.

See the kind of mess you've gotten yourself into?

What about you? Aren't you ashamed of shooting that man?

What? Which man?

Istria!

Do you really think I killed him?

- Who did, then? - Why, Tony, of course.

- Tony? - Yes, he's the one pulling the strings.

But I always thought he was working with Istria.

So, why did you get involved?

He asked me to do a little acting.

He'd reward me with a river of diamonds.

Diamonds? And you believed him?

Why wouldn't I?

It wouldn't be too difficult with the professor's machine.

What machine?

Don't get smart with me.

I know you're interested in his invention, too.

What invention?

The machine that makes diamonds.

Ah, now I understand!

But you're wrong. I'm not interested in diamonds.

Then why are you here?

I'm just a tourist. A rather curious one.

But I'm also a romantic. I came for your beautiful eyes.

I can be romantic, too.

But that doesn't mean I can't love diamonds.

And yet you must choose.

Can't I have both?

Not with me.

Confucius once said,

"Never go to Trieste when your happiness lies in Palermo."

He would never have jumped on a plane

to please little Georgette.

That was one smart guy.

ITALIAN AIRLINES

I can be pretty smart myself. I'm staying.

Get it?

- Doing some cleaning? - I'm leaving.

Why the rush?

Aren't you missing something around your neck?

I hope it won't be a rope!

What are you talking about?

I don't want to be charged as an accomplice to a murder!

You should really think before you speak.

I've always done as you told me, Tony.

So, you're off to Trieste to join Mr. Helob?

How did you know?

Poor fool! Do you know who your Mr. Helob really is?

He's a cop! An American cop. Lemmy Caution!

- You're lying! - Am I?

Do you know why he left?

Because I sent him away.

Hello?

Tell the garage to have my car ready for six o'clock.

We're leaving tonight.

And all this time, I thought...

it was all for my beautiful eyes.

- What can I do for you? - Mr. Martinelli's car.

I know he wants it for six, but I want to pull a prank on him.

It's that one, over there. I love a jokester.

Paint a cross on the roof.

- Good evening, Captain. - Evening.

- When are we leaving? - Tomorrow night.

Are they coming with us?

Yes, they are.

It's a lot more hassle.

I preferred Istria and his little schemes.

Giorgio!

I hate it when people spit on my deck.

Some say they're tuckered when they don't feel like rowing.

As for me...

Think I'm blistering my hands just for show?

Lemmy? You're early!

I was worried I'd be late.

I need to get you out of here as soon as possible.

Today won't work.

I haven't finished building my machine.

Come back tomorrow. The boat doesn't leave until evening.

Tomorrow evening? Don't be a fool, you're in grave danger!

You're always exaggerating.

No, these people are actually very fond of me.

- Sure. - Don't make that face.

I promise you I'll be ready by tomorrow afternoon.

Fine, tomorrow at six o'clock.

Lemmy, you wouldn't happen to have a cigar, would you?

Tomorrow, six o'clock.

That Romano sure can be stubborn.

Fortunately, I have connections.

That boat flies a Liberian flag.

The police need a warrant to climb aboard.

When could they get it by, Mr. Consul?

- Not before tomorrow. - But the boat leaves tonight.

I'm sorry. Even the prettiest girl in the world can only give what she has.

The prettiest girl in the world?

Well, Professor? I hear you're not quite ready yet?

Well, in any case, the machine is finished.

Can we try it out?

Are you sure? Now?

Really?

- Right now? - Well, since it's ready.

Very well. Have a seat.

And now, watch!

What's happening?

Nothing. Except what's supposed to happen.

We just need to wait.

We need to wait for the pressure.

You may not know this, but diamonds,

are made of carbon. It's all about the pressure.

As we wait for it to rise,

I'll share a little history.

It was completely by accident that, in 1882, my father,

the famous physicist Faosto Romano,

Commander of the Order of the Crown of Italy,

discovered, in a heap of carbon,

an extraordinarily large diamond,

that was very unusual, you'll agree,

due to its being black on the inside and sparkling on the outside.

Hey, Ricardo! Get your ass up here!

Oh, my Lord!

Who are you?

Oh, that's gorgeous!

- How do you do it? - It's a moss stitch.

Ah! What about this fist? Have you been acquainted?

And that's how,

as a martyr to the science to which he'd contributed so much,

Faosto Romano died in 1900.

Indeed, just before I was born.

- Yes, now what about the pressure? - The pressure?

It's coming. Would you like to take a closer look?

Right here, see?

Careful! Five, four, three, two,

one... Zero!

Bravo, Romano!

Thank you.

Don't make that face.

There are things in life more important than diamonds.

There's nothing more relaxing than watching other people dance.

Especially when you've won the game.

A happy ending.

You always give a happy ending.

Here's that cigar I promised you.

It's seen better days, but never mind. I'll bring you a good one next time.

Open the door! Let me out!

Open the door!

Oh, thank you! Tony locked me in here.

He wanted to kill me! I was so afraid!

You have nothing to fear, he's gone.

What a nightmare! I was so worried for you!

I'm so glad this is all over.

Not for you, my dear.

What's that supposed to mean?

You locked yourself in here.

You can't fool Lemmy.

No. I just wanted to avenge my husband.

By going all in with Tony?

Lemmy, I don't like cops,

but there's something about you, women crave.

Is that why you made a hole in my hat?

If you wanted to be nice, you'd do anything you want with me.

That's not a bad idea.

Ouch! Stop! Stop!

Goodbye! Goodbye!

Come back and see us some time!

Oh, Lemmy!

Look at this!

One... Two... Three... Wait for it... Here!

You shouldn't have.

You like precious stones. I like pretty eyes.

Lemmy, I have an idea.

What if we went away somewhere, a real vacation?

Coming, sweetie?

Yes, Daddy!

THE END

Subtitle translation by: Rebecca Schofield