Original subtitles

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[interviewer] Say your name and what your relationship

...is to Margaret Moth.

[Jeff] Oh, that's tough.

[movie projector whirring]

My name is Jeff Russi...

[camera shutter clicks]

...and Margaret was my first girlfriend.

[camera shutter clicks]

I was 17 and she was 30.

And I ran away from home, joined the circus.

[laughs]

[camera shutter clicks]

[interviewer] Who was Margaret in the circus?

[camera shutter clicks]

[Jeff] She was a lion tamer.

[projector shutter clicks]

She was the queen of the night.

[interviewer] Okay, what character are you?

Mm...

Oh, I'm one of the clowns, for sure.

["Barracuda" playing]

d So this ain't the end I saw you again d

d Today d

d I had to turn My heart away d

d Smile like the sun Kisses for everyone d

d And tales, it never fails d

d You lying so low In the weeds d

d I bet you gonna ambush me d

d You'd have me down down Down down on my knees d

d Now wouldn't you, Barracuda? d

d Oh d

[instrumental bridge playing]

d Back over time d

d We were all Trying for free d

d You met The porpoise and me d

d Uh-huh d

d No right, no wrong Selling a song d

d A name d

d Whisper game d

d And if the real thing Don't do the trick d

d You better make up Something quick d

d You gonna burn Burn, burn, burn d

d Burn to the wick d

d Ooh, Barracuda d

d Oh, yeah d

d "Sell me, sell you," The porpoise said d

d Dive down deep now To save my head d

d You d

d I think that you got The blues, too d

-[military siren beeping] -[ambulance siren wailing]

[Stefano] So, the first assignment

I had with Margaret

was in Baghdad.

I was a few years into being a correspondent,

and part of me wanted out.

I was sick of it.

I was kind of heartbroken with the cruelty,

and I got heartbroken with innocent people...

...going through...

...awful, awful stuff.

But Margaret didn't seem to feel the same way.

[man shouting]

[Stefano] For better or for worse,

war is an amazing feeling.

Mind blowing.

-[metal crashing] -[shots firing]

[man] Where is everyone?

[Stefano] You've never experienced

anything like this.

It's an emotional, psychological,

sensory explosion.

[loud explosion]

Nothing compares.

[men panting]

[man] Keep going.

[woman] Like this.

[Stefano] Margaret got a little bit excited by it.

Any such experiences or emotions,

Margaret drank up.

[gun shots]

She just drank 'em up.

She was fearless.

She was always cool-headed.

She had a sense of not just a pretty pictures,

...but of sort of the reality here,

...the messy, human reality of war.

And she'd get that in the shot.

[indistinct voices]

[Stefano] She was calm, collected,

but she was on.

She was recording history.

[electro rock music playing]

Across the Gulf Coast,

you can't sing the part company with the rain.

[electro rock music continues]

[Jeff] I was a straight 'A' student

and sold weed at Westbury High School,

the highest academic school in Houston.

I did work at the Pizza Restaurant.

That was like 25 feet away from her front door.

This guy named John, he came down and asked around.

He said, "Is anybody selling acid or weed or whatever."

And they pointed to me, you know.

So, ran upstairs...

Walk in, it's a tiny little space.

And there was peacock feathers and old paintings

and antique furniture, Danish oak.

And she's sitting at the table,

and she's smoking a pipe.

And that was the first time I met Margaret Moth.

She was so exotic.

I thought she was a gypsy fortune teller.

She said she was from New Zealand.

You know, if you'd asked me where New Zealand was,

and then spun the globe,

there was no way.

Like, I had no idea where New Zealand was.

I didn't even know it was off the coast of Australia.

She was the first camera woman for Television New Zealand.

I mean, she was just too cool for me.

That's for sure.

I was so geeky,

tripping over my shoe strings

and making straight 'A's.

And I had no idea that anybody would have thought

I was attractive or anything.

And then she started spinning this weird tale all that.

Now, I was this really cute guy.

We got together in the summer

between my 11th and 12th grade,

your last year of high school.

I never went to 12th grade.

[camera shutter clicking]

I forgot that it was even happening.

As soon as I started hanging out with Margaret,

things changed.

Partied our asses off.

I mean, it turned my life upside down.

I mean, I was one of the coolest kids in town then.

It was weird.

I just started staying in her house.

I remember her giving me a drawer.

Such a big day, you know.

She was an alien to me.

And the alien said, "Hey, want to do some acid?"

[laughs]

[upbeat music playing]

We did acid every weekend.

We were always tripping.

Margaret was an experienced traveller.

She got out there. She went a long way out.

She was like,

[in monotone] "I don't know

how we're going to get back to Earth."

[punk rock music playing]

Skating was huge for us.

So there was a big group of skaters in Houston called

The Urban Animals.

They were into different drugs. [chuckles]

They were the heroin crowd.

And we were speed crowd.

[punk rock music playing]

Friday we would go to the punk club.

The one punk club in town in Houston, Texas,

called The Island.

[plane propeller whirring]

And then on a Saturday morning,

we'd get up and go skydiving.

[Margaret on screen] My father had photographs

of paratroopers during the war.

But I never realized then that civilians could jump.

And it was my big ambition

when I was a kid, to be a paratrooper.

[Jeff] If somebody got boring, they're gone, for sure.

[Margaret] So it doesn't matter

how close it comes to this and jumping.

It just never seems bad when you're actually doing it.

Today, I'm just going to be having a lot of fun.

[chuckles]

[Jeff] To Margaret, you know, that's right.

If they were with the Ten Commandments,

"Don't be boring."

She had a good time

and she took everybody along with her.

You know, nothing was out of bounds.

I mean, we had an open relationship

from the very beginning.

[music stops]

She just had a network of guys that she dealt with.

She played the field.

But I never doubted for a minute

that she wasn't in love with me

or that I wasn't in love with her.

[news jingle plays]

[man over TV] K-H-O-U-T-V, Houston.

[Joe] Back in 1984,

I was interned by K-H-O-U in Houston, Texas.

And, one afternoon, I was sitting at the desk

and I looked across the newsroom,

and this woman with spiky jet black hair walked in,

and it just totally caught my attention.

She became my good friend,

and we started going' out and partying quite a bit.

[rock and roll music playing]

She looked so rock and roll 24-7.

She was always,

you know, Joan Jett's big sister.

[on TV] Pilots for Eastern Airlines

write up a new contract, but they aren't looking...

[Joe] She was working in what they call

the Southwest Bureau.

So it was a lot of politics.

She wasn't interested in politics.

She wasn't interested in shooting politician

holding a news conference.

Margaret preferred to go out on a hurricane

and chase a hurricane.

That was the kind of assignment Margaret wanted.

[man yelling]

That's the kind of assignment that she volunteered for.

She wanted to be where the shit was happening.

And in her mind, that place was behind a news camera.

[camera shutter clicks]

You know, she's got a bazooka on her shoulder.

[camera shutter clicks]

You better watch out.

[on TV] Now, Dan's going to have complete report

on that, a little later in the program...

[Joe] I mean, this is Houston, Texas.

I mean, they were like, you know,

right-wing, Republican conservatives, you know,

a female cameraman in a male-dominated world.

That definitely gave her a charge.

She did what she wanted.

She dressed the way she wanted.

She said whatever she wanted,

and it was something that people were in awe of.

[camera shutter clicks]

[Jeff] I was fascinated.

How could this person be so different?

I'd ask her things about her past

and she said, "I don't remember."

You know, "What about your family?

What about your dad?"

"I don't remember."

And that just added to her mystique to me.

[mysterious music playing]

The only thing she ever told me about herself

was that she had had to go to court

to get her tubes tied...

to get herself sterilized.

She said, "I'm not a breeder.

I want nothing to do with that."

Her only motto was, "No regrets."

She didn't look back.

[man on TV] In 1980, CNN revolutionized

the way the world watches news.

[on TV] 7 This news service will be called

The Cable News Network

and will program 24 hours a day.

[Stefano] CNN was the shit right then.

I mean, it was the shit.

[man on TV] For the moment, the iron fist

of the People's Liberation Army

has come down on Tiananmen Square

in the heart of Beijing.

[Stefano] You know, they had an impact.

[Tom] By showing the world the impact of war,

our world was better informed.

This was a new era.

[Tom] Women were emerging as strong, strong professionals

in the field of photojournalism.

And there was a kick-ass spirit to Margaret.

And Margaret was always looking for an opportunity.

They picked her up.

She was just a perfect candidate.

When she got the job with CNN

and she said she was going to work at the Dallas bureau,

it was like, "Ah, fuck."

[laughs]

So I just assumed I would move to Dallas.

You know, I'd visit,

but she didn't ever want me, to like, move there.

When Margaret and I met, I was writing songs.

I mean, I had this little notebook

of songs that I took everywhere I went.

And I'm certainly writing songs for her.

First love of my life.

I handed her my book one time,

and I said, you know, "What do you think?"

She just, like, flat out said,

"It sounds kind of trite to me."

I mean, that was a shock.

And I didn't write another word as a lyric for years.

[on TV] I'm Lou Waters. Hello.

The world is in the midst of a tense waiting game,

waiting to find out if and when there will be war

in the Persian Gulf.

[techno music playing]

[Schwarzkopf] So far, defensive is progressing

with dramatic success.

The troops are doing a great job.

[man on TV] I can hear the sound of planes...

[Jeff] Her first war was Desert Storm.

[man on TV] More than one billion heavily armed men

sent to confront one another in the Gulf.

[tense music playing]

[man on TV] We have been watching

an incredible display

of anti-aircraft firing.

[Jeff] She got on so well with military people,

because she was so ballsy.

General Schwarzkopf took a liking to her,

and they smoked cigars in the evening.

And she was there in the war zone.

That's where she felt the most comfortable.

I think that's where she knew she was who she was.

At a certain point,

sex, drugs, and rock and roll just wasn't enough.

War was the ultimate drug.

Desert Storm was where she made it.

Her dream had come true.

Yes, one, two, three, four, five, you hear me.

People were quite intimidated by Margaret Moth.

Even I was.

Christiane Amanpour, CNN, Sarajevo.

You know, in Sarajevo, she used to sleep with her boots

and her black combat trousers on.

You know, I'm like, "Margaret..."

and she's, "Oh, no, I've got to be ready."

Margaret had a wish to show

the story as she saw it in the raw.

[man on TV] A community, united in grief...

[Susan] She was a very serious camerawoman.

[Stefano] She liked to get in tight.

When she went in, she went in tight.

[Susan] Margaret was very switched on.

She was like a whole package.

Uncompromising.

That's what I liked.

Didn't faff around.

Didn't suck up to people.

And was very good at what she did.

She had a natural, physical, and mental fortitude

that needed to find expression.

And in danger, going into war zones.

[Joe] The way she could just not sleep for days

and also she could go without food,

it wasn't normal for a person

to have that kind of endurance.

And I remember looking at her, like,

"Don't you ever get tired?"

She's like, "No."

[scoffs]

It made her perfect for covering war.

Margaret never made anything about being a female.

She just did it.

You know, she'd get comments and things,

but I mean, she just...

[scoffs]

"Look at me. Here's the camera."

"This is what I do." You know.

[man on TV] Three Iraqi soldiers today

were captured at a roadblock,

manned by the Kuwaiti resistance.

We didn't have things like Instagram and social media

and, you know, iPhones.

What was happening that particular day

caused us to follow that story.

[Sausan] You always wanted somebody like Margaret

with you in the field.

Her camera is an extension for herself.

So she's drawn to the story, through the camera,

and she just follows it.

[Stefano] As a journalist, I had this romantic notion

that we're supposed to make this a better place.

We're supposed to bring up

the good in every person and all that.

She was more cynical.

And I think for her,

the photographs, the image, the video she captured

was shoved in your face.

"Here it is."

And she had no more trouble with it than that.

It was like, "Here it is. Take it."

"This is your shit."

[ominous music playing]

[Jeff] Maybe it's not the best metaphor

that Margaret's camera was a gun.

It's more like a spotlight.

She was shedding light on people behaving badly.

[indistinct talking]

The most valuable thing that she can imagine

was being where history is being changed.

But I could never follow her there.

[indistinct voices]

[woman on TV] The BBC is reporting

that Iraq has fired

five Scud missiles at Saudi Arabia.

The Pentagon is now confirming 12 dead and 25 injured.

[ambulance siren wailing]

[bomb explosions]

[Yaschinka]

[laughs]

[in French]

Well.

[man on TV] We have an air raid alert

people are being taken to shelters.

[Yaschinka]

[blows raspberries]

[laughs]

[President George Bush] Kuwait is liberated.

Iraq's army is defeated.

Our military objectives are met.

[Yaschinka]

[camera shutter clicking]

[laughs]

[laughs]

Yaschinka was just there.

He wasn't a part of the long-term plan.

He wasn't a part of her life, you know?

When she came back to Houston, we did everything together.

They had nothing like we had.

I just knew he was a heroin addict.

I said, "Wow, I mean... you're going out with a heroin a...

Don't they just go to sleep

and not want to have sex and all that?"

And she said, "No, it's quite the opposite."

[chuckles softly]

So, when he would visit her in Dallas

and they'd go, score some heroin

and fuck all night. [laughs]

So it was like, speed was for us, you know.

So she enjoyed that.

It is different after that.

She was different.

[helicopter blades whirring]

She definitely wanted

to be where people were doing something wrong...

Where she had a purpose.

CNN was just a different drug.

[helicopter blades whirring]

[ominous music playing]

Depending on your personality makeup,

you may want to brag about war and call it...

it's... it's intoxicating.

If you're like me, you don't want to glorify it

'Cause it's just awful.

It is awful.

But that said, your experience of it

is an incredibly complex concoction

of adrenaline,

this and that and upset and surge.

And so you could be upset and excited at the same time.

So, while I hate to glorify it,

you also... It was kind of a rush.

[camera shutter clicking]

War is a tough job.

And we self-medicate it.

This is life and death.

[Yaschinka]

If you talk to veterans, too,

there were soldiers, they'll tell you the same thing.

You come back to civilian life...

and it's kind of lonely

because nobody will understand your stories,

the strange serotonin chemical level,

adrenaline, all this stuff.

Of course, you're trying to tell that story

of that experience and they think

you're telling a glory story and you're not.

And it's very lonely.

[Yaschinka]

[laughs]

[techno music playing]

[man on TV] On the streets of Gagra,

the Ossetian battle for independence goes on.

[Stefano] Desert storm has just ended.

The Soviet Union was over.

There was a civil war

in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia.

And the gunman, the militiamen,

for the new government that was trying to take over,

open fire on the crowd.

When the firing started,

the other cameraman ducked behind the cars,

and trying to wait to see what shots they can get.

And one cameraman, later on, back at the hotel, said to me,

"I'm hiding behind the car to get out of the gunfire.

And I suddenly see a shadow across my arms,

and I think, 'what the hell,' I look up....

And there's Margaret, standing straight upright,

not hiding behind the vehicles, filming the action."

[crowd uproar]

[Stefano] She got the only pictures,

she's filming people going down as they get hit.

The other cameraman people were kind of startled

that she had the guts to just say, "Uh-oh."

and step right out in the middle of it.

[Jeff] She took huge chances with her life.

She came across somebody that was a bully.

[Margaret] Who are you? Who are you?

[Jeff] She just took him down,

and she did it because she had to.

She just became fearless.

[interviewer] And do you ever dream

that anything could go wrong?

[Jeff] No. No, I thought she was the indestructible.

[indistinct noise]

[Stefano] I remember driving around Baghdad.

We stopped at the marketplace, a souk,

and it was big and it was...

there were stalls and this and oranges

and cucumbers and...

Margaret got out of the car.

There are all these kids and they're all coming up

and looking at Margaret and laughing and like, "Ho, ho!"

she sees so... She's so wild to them.

And the kids are all crowding into the shot,

trying to get into the shot.

Like 30, 40, 50 are crowding in.

And I've never seen a human crowd act like gasoline.

It's just like a... [imitates explosion] spreading.

All of a sudden, out of the crowd

emerges some plain clothesmen,

and he wants to put a stop to it.

He stupidly goes up to... [chuckles]

front and front of Margaret and he pushes the camera away,

and it bangs her on the nose.

Her viewfinder bangs on the nose.

She stands up and in front of hundreds of people

in Saddam's Iraq, in Saddam's city,

she goes, "Don't you ever...". [slaps loudly]

I never... [sighs]

fully understood what was ticking inside of her.

But I always felt that, my God, you know,

there's a deep anger in there somewhere.

I mean, you could sense that behind all of that,

it came from a place of anger and defiance.

You, know, when something sparked

that kind of behaviour,

it did make me wonder

why she would be, you know, such a...

such a change in character?

[Jeff] Sometimes she would come home,

and she would've encountered, like,

what we call trigger episodes,

where she would... cry pretty spontaneously

and non-stop for hours.

That was terrifying.

You know, I had this, like, person you care about

that you've been around with and had so much intimacy with,

You know, tears flowing,

and she can't even bring herself

to tell me one thing about it.

What the fuck?

When you're looking back, I can figure things out.

I can put things together over the years,

but back then, it was a total fucking mystery.

[Yaschinka]

There was something that she just didn't like

about family traditional settings,

and there were times when we would have Christmas dinner

and it was, you know, friends.

But Margaret preferred not to have kids around.

[Jeff] Margaret's rocket fuel was anger.

You never stopped sensing

that somewhere in there,

something was propelling her like a bat out of hell,

out of her own past, her own childhood.

We were hanging out, you know, in Houston

and we're just, like, doing what we do around the table.

I'd be playing my bass

and she's started to draw...

[sombre music playing]

I mean, there's a nightmare for you.

Who'd draw stuff like that, you know?

[melancholic music playing]

It's come straight out of her childhood.

You know, she was a terrified little girl

asking somebody not to hurt her.

But to me, the most significant thing

in those sketches was that she drew herself

with the black hair and the dark eyes

when she was a child.

Like, that she thought of herself that way,

that long ago.

She was actively rewriting her story

while that trauma was still being visited on her.

Margaret Moth was a character.

Moth is not her last name.

Her last name is Wilson.

She had invented the entire thing

a long time ago.

She was a little blonde-haired,

blue-eyed,12-year-old

when she conceived of that look.

Why she rejected her blonde, blue-eyed self?

It was a mystery.

[Jan] We were never a close family.

We were never told that we were loved, ever,

by either parent.

We never knew whether dad was gonna come home sober

or come home at all, half the time.

And six o'clock, we'd hear the car come up the driveway

and all our little faces would turned towards the door

as he walked in and you could...

you could just feel the tension.

[Ross] It was quite scary.

But Mum was probably more violent

- than what Dad was. [chuckles] -[Jan] Yes.

When she lost it, her eyes... [chuckles]

her eyes would go black like a demon.

[Jan] I remember Margaret saying about that,

you know, "Beware of Mum's eyes."

-"They will go black." -Yeah.

It was pretty violent discipline in those days.

It was either a hairbrush or a coat hanger

or a razor strop or a belt.

[laughs sadly]

It used to wrap right around her hand.

Hold her hand out and it would wrap right round.

with a buckle.

She said, "If the pill had been around in those days...

none of youse would've been here."

[laughs]

[Jeff] Margaret started shredding the ties that bind

at a very young age.

[sombre music playing]

[Yaschinka in French]

[laughs]

[sombre music playing]

[machine guns firing]

[firing continues]

The first time I met and worked with Margaret

was in Sarajevo in June and July of 1992.

[man on TV] The people of Sarajevo

have been under siege for almost eight months.

They have very little food,

no electricity and almost no water.

[loud thud]

[Christiane] This, at the time,

was the worst war in Europe

since the end of World War II.

It's war against civilians. It's a war crime.

And that's what Margaret's pictures started to record.

[man 2 on TV] Snipers hidden in these buildings,

which the Serbs control,

kill or wound people almost every day.

-[gunshots] -[man 2 on TV] Sniper Alley,

the most dangerous road in Sarajevo.

[gunfire]

[Christiane on TV] Even when the big guns go quiet,

the snipers never quit.

Barely a minute goes by

without snipers firing a terrified resident.

You know, the captors or the aggressors

could see the victims.

They could see them through their sights,

because they were just a few hundred yards over there.

And they actually, physically, took aim at children...

[gun shots fire]

running, trying to cross a road,

you know, behind containers.

[loud gunshot]

And the world still would not intervene.

[man on TV] Sarajevo's latest casualty.

He was seven-years-old.

His sister screamed, "Is my brother alive?"

His mother didn't know the answer.

She too had been hit.

[loud explosion]

[Christiane] We came under mortar fire and attack.

[loud gunfire]

Margaret was out shooting.

Finally, she came back in when she got all the pictures.

But it was really scary.

And I remember saying to my producer,

and then afterwards to Margaret,

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I brought you here.

I promise, if we survive, we'll never do this again.

We'll never put you in danger again.

I'll never, ever risk our lives again."

And the very next day, we did.

[Peter] In the early days in Sarajevo,

there was very little protective gear.

There were some flag jackets,

but nobody was wearing helmets at that time.

You relied on the fact that you had a press pass,

and your car had "TV."

It was the first time that jounalists

were deliberately picked on by snipers.

[gunshot]

We were plenty-pissed that the sniper shot at us.

The first time I went out there, I was really afraid.

I was sitting on the aeroplane going into, um, Zagreb.

[chuckles] And I thought... [chuckles]

"Oh, my God! Say, I lose a leg?

What if I lose a leg?"

I kept thinking I was gonna lose a leg, not my life,

just, "What am I gonna do?" You know.

Um, and I think that's one of the things

that some of us have said in the past.

If you admit that you are frightened,

somehow, you're more concentrated.

Because, if you're too gung-ho,

you're not really concentrating

in the right way.

[gunshot]

[Christiane] I remember telling Margaret

who'd been there

at least two weeks longer than I had,

that she should leave as well,

because there's only so much Russian roulette you can play.

[gunshots]

When we first went out there,

I met up with Martin Bell

and he showed me a white Carlton Estate

with no windows.

He said, "This is the camera car."

"Yeah, great. Where is the camera car?"

"No, no, this is the camera car."

So, I mean, we're all in soft-skin vehicles.

Oh, we sometimes had "Press" written on the side.

[car engine revving]

But we would also go in convoys.

I think that gives you a certain strength,

the feeling that, you know, we're together in this.

[Stefano] Well, one day we're driving around town.

The road was clear, we drove down into the city

to the Holiday Inn, the hotel we were all staying at.

Now, you have to understand, the Holiday Inn

was not your Holiday Inn.

[chuckles]

It was not your average hotel.

[gunfire]

There's a lot of gunfire happening around the area.

[gunfire]

It was obviously a very nice hotel before the war,

but it had been struck again and again.

[gunshot]

[loud explosion]

It was sort of sodden and destroyed and pock-marked.

You have to understand that war is...

does peculiar things to the things that you behold,

order and normalcy that has been shattered.

[ominous music playing]

[Susan] There is something poetic about roads

that have no traffic on.

There's just us.

[Stefano] I remember it like a nightmare,

but at least in the nightmare you can flail,

you can panic, and you can wake up.

That day was something you couldn't escape from.

[mysterious music playing]

We have our armed vests on.

You have the big long avenue.

And before, there were nice shrubs

growing down the middle,

they've all been crushed and dried.

[tense music builds]

The trees were flowering.

Now they've got chips, aggressive chips

and bark missing and scoured.

The trees have been scoured

and branches have turned into splinters.

The leaves are all gone.

The trolley lines...

are now snaking across the ground.

[Susan] They're with these metal kind of crosses,

great big metal crosses, like roadblocks.

So you'd have to go round,

which makes it harder to... to be a target.

[Stefano] You drive any damn way you want.

There's no rules.

We just squirve left into... like, in the movies,

you go [imitates thumping] over the trolley lines.

It's Mad Max.

Margaret and Mark are seated in the back of the van.

I'm seated in the front passenger seat.

They're saying, "Well, here's this, here's that,"

and I'm looking, and there's the apartment buildings there,

and I'm looking left and right, and all of a sudden...

-[imitates machine gun firing] -[machine gun firing]

[glass shattering]

[Susan] I saw some, like, flash.

[Stefano] I just felt a mist of glass.

I didn't know whether it'd gone over mine or something.

I didn't know what had happened.

I didn't know if it was a gun or whatever.

It was just like a loud crack.

It's almost like, you know,

you're touching the static and it goes into it.

It is just that... [imitates frizzing]

I laughed. I laughed.

And I'm leaning forward now.

I'm hunched down and I grabbed my helmet

and I put it on my head,

unaware, that behind me, Margaret's been shot.

Our driver spins the car around and he starts driving.

You know, we're racing, I look forward again,

and the next time I look back,

she slumped over this way, on Mark's shoulder.

He's wearing a white shirt, and she's starting to go,

[imitates choking] because she's...

blood is draining in down her throat.

Her eyes, with her mascara.

Her eyes are like, diamond sharp light.

We race into town, careening over the trolley lines

and pull up in front of the hospital.

And I'm screaming,

"You gotta help, she can't breathe, you got to help her."

But I don't see that her jaw is gone.

I think she's holding it in place, still.

[CNN news opening music]

CNN's Stefan Kutsonis

was with Moth and Delmage during the shooting,

and he joins us now from Sarajevo by phone

with an update on the situation.

We want to warn you that he has graphic details

of this attack.

Stefan, bring us up to date.

[Stefano on TV] Hello.

First of all, I'd like to say that

Margaret is still in surgery right now,

and the doctors have now said

that it's not guaranteed that she will survive this.

The severe injuries

to her head and throat are like, very serious.

Uh, even if she does survive it,

her life will be very different from now on.

I was so overwhelmed.

You know, I was brimming,

exploding with emotion and stress and fear.

I still at this point had blood

all over my pants and shoes,

and I didn't know what was coming next.

I was told she may not survive.

[woman on TV] She was rushed to Sarajevo's main hospital

where doctors spent four hours patching-up her shattered jaw.

She needed a tracheotomy so she could breathe.

All of this part is gone.

And this part has swollen out like a watermelon.

I remember seeing all of her upper molars,

you know how each molar

has four little points on it, sort of?

The shockwave it had--

It just shattered these molars.

They were now splinters.

I got a call from my bosses that Margaret had been shot.

And at first I thought,

"My God, don't tell me she's been killed."

"No, she hasn't been killed,

but she's been very, very badly injured,

and she was sniped."

And I knew exactly what had happened,

because we had been sniped for weeks.

[Susan] Everybody was in a state of shock.

And I remember talking to a medic and I said,

"How is Margaret? So, she's been airlifted?"

He said, "But you know, pfft,

probably best if she died."

I said, "What?"

He said, "Yeah, you know, with those injuries,

I mean, really, would you wanna

have those injuries to your face?"

[Christiane] They gave her a blood transfusion.

She was airlifted out to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.

And I didn't know what I was going to find

when I got to the hospital.

She was unrecognizable.

And at the time, she couldn't talk,

but she could do some writing.

I went in and she looked at me.

And I'll never forget, it was...

this look in her, you know, big blue eyes.

and she was...

started crying and kicking her legs,

trying to talk to me, like, "Look, what's happened to me."

And I was trying to calm her down and it was really...

...tough.

It was a very tough moment.

[Jeff] I work at Kinkos,

they put me on a register in the front.

These two guys were getting their coffees,

you know, getting their money out and whatever,

this guy said to the other guy,

he said, "Did you hear about Margaret Moth?"

And he said, "Yes, she got shot in Sarajevo."

"It blew her jaw right off."

"She's not gonna make it."

That's how I heard about it... from strangers.

I was really angry from that point forward.

I was livid.

My Margaret died on Sniper Alley.

She didn't come back.

[sombre music playing]

[Yaschinka]

[melancholic music playing]

Yeah, mum rang and told me

that she'd been shot in the face by a sniper.

Yeah.

Well, you're sort of like...

until I saw her, I didn't realize the extent.

Mm.

Yeah, she was very vain.

And my first thought when she got shot was,

"Oh, my God, for that to happen to Maggie's face...

was incredible."

[Yaschinka]

[Joe] They started putting her face together.

And they had to rebuild her jaw

because the jaw had been blown off.

She had lost all her teeth,

and it was always as typical Margaret,

that she would say,

"I want to go back to Sarajevo and look for my teeth."

[loud gunshot]

[dark music]

[Jan] The French guy?

Mum said that she didn't like him.

Maggie always had younger boyfriends.

You know, they'd be all lovely-dovey on phone,

and I couldn't believe her.

I never heard Maggie talk like that to anybody, you know?

So, yeah, it was strange.

She's laying there bandaged

and was supposed to be all sterile and everything.

And he's climbing all over the top of her

and kissing her and cuddling her

and rubbing his hands all over her,

yeah, but Mum wasn't impressed at all.

Mum didn't like it because she reckoned

he was selling stuff out of Margaret's flat

while she was in hospital.

Stealing it and then selling it.

Finally, she found out that he was a heroin addict.

Maggie had the money and he didn't.

So, maybe it was that sort of relationship.

She... she nurtured him

and he was happy to go along with it.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Yaschinka]

[Jeff] Well, at this point, we had been apart for so long,

very, very little contact.

I was too ashamed to talk to her,

because my life had just

revolved around drinking and drugs,

and I just couldn't... deal with it.

Couple of times she sent me a ticket,

and I couldn't stay sober long enough

to get on an airplane.

All I could see was what I had lost,

you know, not what she had lost.

I disappointed her a lot.

I rejected her on almost every level.

[thunderous rumbling]

[techno music playing]

[Yaschinka]

[scoffs]

[Joe] Before she was shot,

people would stare because she was so beautiful,

and with these long flowing skirts.

But after she was shot,

her mouth was crooked and she lost part of her tongue.

She didn't have teeth,

and you don't have teeth,

you can't eat properly, you can't speak properly.

[Yaschinka]

[Joe] People would stare.

[Yaschinka]

[Jeff] The sniper on Sniper Alley

wasn't gonna bring her down.

She was better than that.

[dramatic music playing]

She went into a little capsule and, you know,

like a cocoon, and came out something other.

I think for Margaret,

anything else but radical acceptance

would have been defeat.

[intense music]

[Stefano] At some point, Margaret realized

she needed to fight tooth and nail to get back.

My God, the inner physical strength of that woman.

[physiotherapist] And back, all the way.

Let's go down to the bed first.

[Stefano] She had the guts to just say,

[determined tone] "Don't strip me of my pride."

[physiotherapist] Can you reach your hand

to the headboard?

[Doctor Paul] Okay, open as wide as you can for me.

I know you can't open it very wide.

I'm just trying to look and see

if you have any sutures that I can see.

Can you feel your lower lip any better now?

[Margaret] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can feel it right over here.

[Doctor Paul] Very good. Good.

I feel pressure.

I never saw her spirit flag.

I never saw her feel sorry for herself.

I never saw her say, "No," to any challenge.

Well, she was very keen to return to work

as soon as possible.

[demonstrators chanting]

[Peter] The international desk had recommended

that she take it easy in terms of assignments.

She did her share of the various stories

that we were doing in Paris.

How romantic, okay, excuse me.

Her mental state was,

you know, "I'm going to go back to work."

[indistinct voice]

[Joe] But it was not easy to go back to work.

[male journalist] Ah! These two ladies here.

[Joe] She was weak.

She had been fed through a tube into her stomach

because she couldn't eat and she had lost weight.

Margaret wanted to do what she loved to do,

and that was covering war.

Three, two, one.

The union say,

"Thursday's action is just a warning."

[Peter] She did complain about the fact

that myself and the assignments editor

were deliberately plotting to keep her away

from what she considered

to be the essential stories of the day

and she felt hard done by.

One of the things that stood out

for the rest of us in the Bureau, of course,

was the fact that Margaret

found it very difficult to talk.

Down here was still her physical strength

because she would still lift the cameras.

There was no slowing down of that.

But it was very hard for her to work with you

when she didn't have a tongue to communicate properly.

[slurred speech]

She would talk and it was, just drool was coming out.

She always had to dab her mouth.

She couldn't control the drool, right?

She'd say, "Oh, I--"

And you'd say, "I'm sorry, what?"

She'd either say it again more slowly,

so you can get it, or she would nod,

do this and pull out her...

her reporter's pad and write it down

like that and say, "Do you want this?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure."

"Let's do that then."

Nobody else had to work for her because of her infirmity.

But she had to work harder.

Yeah, yeah, a bit. Um...

[chuckles]

[Tom] She wanted to be on the front line.

She said, "I am going back to war."

"And nobody is going to stand in my way."

[Peter] The indication from the assignments editor

on the international desk was to try and avoid

sending Margaret to situations where she

where she would be more at risk

because of the lack of medical facilities

or the danger.

I mean, if she was to get hurt again, I mean,

if she were hit in the face by a rock or something...

There were people who came to me,

and said "Tom, you can't let her do it.

You cannot let her do it.

You'll have blood on your hands."

But Margaret didn't see it quite the same way.

Look, I have a black bullet-proof vest.

[man] Cool.

[Peter] She was so all in.

[Margaret giggles]

[Peter] She had only one way forward,

and that was to walk straight back

into the lion's den.

[upbeat music playing]

CNN, Cyangugu, Rwanda.

[continual gunshots]

[indistinct voices]

Margaret liked being near... near the action.

So she didn't want to be in headquarters,

or she didn't want to be in place

there was a little action.

[explosion]

[Jeff] Even with her injuries,

she was driven by some other fuel source

than most people are.

[military siren beeps]

[Stefano] Margaret and the crew are in the West Bank.

And an IDF, Israeli Defence Force

armoured Jeep pulls up.

[metal banging]

The Israeli soldiers fire some kind of tear gas

or other grenade or something.

So they're aiming at

right at these journalists, right?

[gunshot]

Then they ram the front of CNN's Land Rover.

-[imitates banging] -[metal clashing]

[horns blaring]

-[loud explosion] -[woman screams]

[Margaret]

[indistinct audio over megaphone]

As you can hear Margaret say in that piece, she says,

"Who got me in the foot?"

Then you see a guy steps out and goes,

pow, he fires point blank at the glass.

-[glass shattering] -[honking continues]

She didn't do less war after she got shot.

She did more.

She doubled down on danger.

[Stefano] She stuck with danger.

She stuck with people who understood danger

and understood the price she had paid.

Dignity and defiance.

The ceaseless defiance of everything.

Even defiance against her own self-pity.

I think that was the way

for Margaret to preserve her dignity.

There's this one big, thorny, difficult story in the world.

It's kind of special.

And that's the story of the Arab-Israeli conflict.

It's a minefield of a story.

[man on TV] Sixteen Katyusha rockets

slammed into villages in northern Israel

as many residents were eating breakfast.

[speaking Hebrew]

Hezbollah in south Lebanon

had been shelling and sending Katyusha rockets

over into settlements in northern Israel.

And the Israelis had wanted to retaliate,

and they issued a warning

that they were gonna be attacking Shiite villages

where they believed Hezbollah to have its strongholds,

and warned that anything that moved,

would be considered a legitimate target.

About 300 to 400 thousand

civilians fled from the south of Lebanon, towards Beirut.

[man on TV] Two thunder-clapping explosions

had sounded across the city and then screams.

[people scream chaotically]

[Peter] CNN mobilized around 12 journalists.

There was also the addition of Margaret

and another sound tech that came in from London.

And we moved south along the coastal road

from Beirut to Tyre.

[man on TV] Israel is trying to stop Hezbollah

and journalists traveling this road.

Anyone moving has to make a high-speed dash.

[ominous music playing]

[Yaschinka]

[bombs exploding]

[Peter] We were the only network

that set up a base in Tyre.

[explosion]

On the top floor, of a 12 story apartment block,

and we've had a grandstand view...

-[jets zooming] -[bomb exploding]

of the Israeli air attacks.

[loud explosion]

Margaret's on the roof and she captured

the explosion very close by.

You can see the jets,

the F-14s and the F-16s come over

and quite clearly see them drop bombs.

[Stefano] Look, there is no way around it.

This was an extraordinarily dangerous place.

But this is where Margaret wanted to be.

[people talking indistinctly]

[Peter] One of the stories that we did

in the first few days

was to visit the United Nations troops.

It was mainly Fijians at the time.

And we visited one of their camps near Kana.

More or less on the front lines.

We went to the camp a couple of times

to do some interviews.

[indistinct chatter]

Some of the locals were scared of Israeli retaliation,

so they asked the UN,

"You know, can we stay here?"

"The Israelis aren't going to attack you, are they?"

Margaret was off filming

when she heard that there had been an attack.

[man over radio] Fiji battalion headquarters

is still under shelling.

Fiji battalion headquarters is still under shelling. Over.

[Peter] And so, she went of her own initiative,

straight to Kana, back to the camp.

[woman screaming, crying]

[tense music playing]

[chaotic screaming]

[Peter] Margaret was the first television journalist

with a proper professional camera

to arrive on the scene.

She filmed the whole immediate aftermath.

And then we waited for Margaret to come back

with all the video.

And she had shot a good 30,

maybe more, 40 minutes.

We fed everything to Atlanta,

whole 40 minutes.

I'm Lou Waters. Hello.

Here's what's happening. It's been quite a day.

It was a scene that caused United Nations' peacekeepers

and rescue officials to weep.

[man on TV] It's reported that two Israeli shells

out of a salvo of as many as five,

impacted inside the base,

some six miles south-east of Tyre,

cutting down at least 200 Lebanese civilians.

In the words of the United Nations

on the ground, "It was a massacre."

[Peter] The impact of Margaret's footages

cannot be understated.

There could be no mistaking, but these were civilians.

[man on TV] Amid the human debris

were the bodies of women, children,

and at least one baby.

[melancholic music playing]

[Peter] The shock of that kind of image

just overrides any kind

of possible excuse or justification,

by those who ultimately were responsible.

[indistinct wailing, crying]

Margaret had a very intense morality about her.

Because what she shot went out to the world

and affected hundreds, thousands of people.

[Tom] She had the spirit.

She had the determination.

She wanted to show the world at times,

the brutality of war,

particularly the impact on the innocents.

The impact on the children.

[Susan] She was very empathetic with people.

She liked filming people.

That's the impression I have.

"You can't cover war, remotely. It's about people."

You know, that's what she would say.

[Stefano] A lot of the narratives about Margaret

are that, "You're so tough, tough, tough."

Tough was what she did.

Tough was not how she acted.

[On screen] "Hi, Margaret!"

[On screen] "Hi, Margaret!"

[laughs] "Hello, Margaret."

Hi, Margaret!

[Stefano] She would tell you in so many different ways

that she didn't care about people.

"People are screwed.

People are bad. Humanities is a mess."

But when it came down to it,

she was relating to those kids.

You could see she appreciated humanity.

[Christiane] Every interview and every picture

and every image

and every story of civilian under fire was evidence.

[Stefano] It certainly seems on the outside

that Margaret may have made, after her shooting,

a deal with death.

Could seem that way given how enthusiastically

she kept on with combat camera work.

"Okay, my love. Let's go.

Done it to me once."

That's the words she gave me.

"Let's keep on going."

[President Bill Clinton] I call upon all parties

to agree to an immediate cease-fire.

[Peter] So they declared a cease-fire for,

I think it was 4 am, the morning of 27th of April.

So, on the evening of the 26th,

we were saying, "Okay, so, what do we do?"

"Go back to Beirut tomorrow?"

"Should we hang around?"

While we were mulling all those possibilities,

shortly before midnight, on the 26th,

four hours before the cease-fire was due,

we heard two distinctive whooshes...

very close by.

A rocket had been launched

literally from the corner of our building,

like Hezbollah.

And we said, "Okay... [chuckles]

we've got maybe three minutes

before the Israelis retaliate."

We're on the phone to Atlanta.

It was on with the Bureau and Israel saying,

"Oh, make sure the...."

Couple of the team rushed down the stairs

and the minutes tick by...

"By the way, where's Margaret?"

She was up on the roof,

with a camera, waiting to see what would happen next.

Waiting to film the building being blown up

with her on top of it.

[tense music intensifies]

[high intensity electronic static]

In the end, they didn't retaliate.

There were no strikes that day.

But in case, there was a retaliation,

she wanted to make sure that she didn't miss the shot.

[Joe] Margaret felt

if somebody was mistreating someone...

she would stand up against them.

She wasn't afraid of anyone.

Maybe she wasn't able to do it as a kid,

but definitely, as an adult,

she would not stay quiet.

[Christiane] Her pictures told the truth.

Our stories and Margaret's pictures

gradually forced our democracies

not to turn away.

In the end,

after a terrible massacre at Srebrenica,

the US-led coalition came in,

in about two weeks with very few casualties,

if any, on the Serb side.

They bombed the Serbian military installations

around the hills that were surrounding

the valley in which Sarajevo was located.

And the war stopped.

It was as simple as that.

The war stopped.

And I attribute that...

in large part, to the journalism in Bosnia

and to the pictures

that camera women like Margaret Moth

and all her colleagues sent out to the world.

Well, I think if you don't film,

then things just carry on.

I think if you do film, things can carry on.

They can change.

[Christiane] They tried to silence her,

but they were not able to make her

put down her camera.

Margaret didn't want to suppress any story.

If there was a story, she wanted to tell it.

You know, when they say

a picture is worth a thousand words,

Margaret's pictures were worth 100,000 words. So...

[camera shutter clicks]

[Stefano] I think what drove Margaret

was a real need to be who she was.

and not have anybody tell her who to be.

[camera shutter clicks]

Really, powerfully, a need to be just me.

[camera shutter clicks]

Relentlessly, tenaciously, defiant.

[laughs]

2009

The day that I contacted her after all that time

was I think four days

after she had been diagnosed with cancer,

with stage IV cancer.

[sentimental music playing]

You know, I felt funny,

felt good enough about myself, to call her.

And...

to find out she was dying.

So we just started hanging out again, you know.

Went to Mexico with Joe,

went to Mexico City stayed there for a little while.

[both laughing]

[Joe] She was not afraid.

Even at the end,

we drove by, I guess, a cremation place.

And she said,

"Oh, that's where I'm going to go up in smoke."

And I was, "What?"

"I'm going to go up in smoke."

"See, the chimney,

that's where I'm going to go up in smoke."

[Jeff] She was like a Buddha.

You felt better in her presence.

[sighs]

You could sit with her,

and you felt like when you got up,

[quavering] you took something away.

[Joe] We were friends for a long time.

We were friends for 25 years and...

and I would say soulmates.

Oh, I just missed calling her, you know,

calling her every day.

And how she would do anything,

you know, how she would...

do things and I always think about Margaret daily.

[Jeff] I wish I'd played certain hands differently.

You know, I wish I was more able

to be more honest with her

instead of just turning my back on her.

You know, I feel less than okay about that.

After she was shot,

she rewrote her story.

She went through 25 surgeries.

Most people would have thrown in the towel.

She regained that lust for life.

[Margaret]

[sombre music playing]

[Jeff] Participating in this documentary...

It brought her back to me.

Seeing that somebody else cared about her

as much as I do. [sobs softly]

[melancholic music playing]

["Side on" playing]

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