All language subtitles for Colpo.in.canna.(Loaded.Gun).1975.BDRemux.1080p][US transfer]-oar_track8_[eng]

Attention please, we are now landing
in Naples at Capodichino Airport.

All passengers are kindly requested...

Excuse me, sir.

...to fasten their seatbelts. Thank you.

May I?

-Everything all right, Father?
-Yes, my child.

Why don't you sit here with me?

No, Father, it's against policy.

A good deed is never against policy.

May I? Yes, air conditioning.

Fasten your seatbelts, please.

LOADED GUNS

-Where's Nora?
-How should I know? Get in.

Nora. Nora!

I could've bet you were with a man.
Was he good-looking?

Let's say he was generous. He gave me
100 dollars to deliver this letter.

Maybe it's his home address.

In that case, 100 dollars isn't enough!

-Beautiful, isn't it?
-Naples is such a friendly city.

-It's wonderful.
-The people are friendly too.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Can you stop here, please?
I've got to get off.

-Where are you going?
-To run that errand.

-I'll see you at the hotel.
-So, it's called an "errand" now.

It's just an amusement park, silly.

What is it, Father?

I wanted to tell you that I started out
as a missionary in Africa.

We're in the same hotel,
but I suspect you're pretty tired.

IT'S SPRING
YOU CAN SEE IT, I CAN'T

NAPLES LUNAPARK

Hello.

Hello. You're beautiful.

-May I help you?
-I have a letter for Mr Silvera.

-Give it to me.
-I have to deliver it personally.

Follow me, follow me.

Women always follow me.

You're so beautiful. It's this way.

Women always come with me.

They all do the same.

I'll take you there too.

Here it is. I'll wait for you.

No, no.

He's a big asset to us.

He's brought personality to the team.

Excuse me, I have a letter for Mr Silvera.

-Mr Silvera?
-That's me.

Well, if that's all,
I'd better be going.

I don't think so.

We always send a reply.

-It's from the American.
-The American's here?

-Who gave you this letter?
-You'd better answer.

A man at the airport
asked me to do him a favour.

He said he couldn't deliver it himself

because he was leaving right away.
He said it was important.

-He gave me 100 dollars.
-Describe him to me.

-I really don't know...
-Not the face.

He was a tall and well-built.

He was wearing a Panama hat
and big dark glasses.

I didn't really see his face.

That's all I can tell you,
I don't know anything else.

You hardly said anything.

100 dollars.

Her name's Nora Green.

What was in the letter?

The American says I'm a dead man.

It's his style alright,

but he's made a mistake by warning me.

If she brought the letter,
she must work for him. I'm sure of it.

Only one thing's for sure
with the American.

Whoever sees his face never lives
to describe him. He works alone.

-But she...
-I think she's telling the truth.

But she must've seen him.

You don't send a death sentence
without making sure it's delivered.

The American must close by
to keep an eye on her.

-He didn't really leave.
-Oh yes, the American's here.

But he'll be very sorry
that he stuck around,

because she'll lead me right to him.

Where are you staying?

The company booked us
into the Holiday Inn.

Would you recognise him
if you saw him again?

Maybe.

-Maybe yes or maybe not?
-Maybe yes.

Okay, stay in town
until he makes contact with you.

The plane can leave without a hostess.

If I don't go back,
they'll want to know why.

Health reasons. Your health's in danger.

-What do you mean?
-Get this into your head,

we don't mess around.

And I don't have to remind you
to keep quiet

about what happened in here.

Not a word to anybody, understand?

Now get her out of here.

Follow her.

Miss.

So beautiful.

Like a statue.

Miss.

Are you sleeping?

What could she be dreaming about?

So soft...

Those tits...

-I really like you.
-Tano, what are you doing?

-Dirty bastard!
-What do you want?

-Leave me alone!
-Beat it!

Come on!

You're just jealous!

I saw her first!
I know how to handle women!

I've had more than you!

I satisfied every single one!

I never had any complaints!

Not one!

Mark my words, I'll come looking for her!

Don't lose them.

He's asking for trouble.

He's taking her home.

Okay, pull up here.

Get out. Everybody out!

Manuel, you said we could stay here today.

-Some friend you are!
-Get out!

Beat it!

-Who are you?
-Just get some rest.

This is my place. You're safe here.

I've got to go out but I'll be back soon.

Get some sleep and you'll feel better.

Yes, good idea.

-You're sure it's no trouble?
-Of course not.

It's set for eight.

I'll be back by then.

I'll get your uniform repaired.

You're very kind.
I don't know how to thank you.

Don't worry, we'll work something out.

2-1-3, please.

Carmen, it's Nora.

Nora, where the hell are you?

Chasing after some cute guy?
The captain was looking for you.

-What for?
-We've got engine trouble.

They're sending spare parts from Turin,

so in the meantime,
we're on holiday for a day.

He wanted you to know.

So, what's the guy like?

-What guy?
-Don't tell me you're not in bed?

-What's he like?
-What's yours like?

Mine's divine! You know him.
I wasn't expecting such talent.

-Mine's adorable.
-And what's he like in bed?

I don't know yet. Bye, Carmen.

See you tomorrow, at the hotel.

That was my colleague.
I thought she might be worried.

-They roughed you up a bit, huh?
-Nothing I couldn't handle.

-Want something to drink?
-Oh, yes please!

Okay.

-Just two fingers.
-Okay.

-Here.
-Thanks.

What if Silvera doesn't like the idea
of you helping me?

You work in the park, right?

It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Anyway, my contract ran out.
I can go somewhere else.

-What's your name?
-Manuel.

And yours?

Nora.

My mother always told me
never to trust strangers,

but the man at the airport
seemed nice enough.

All he did was ask me
to deliver a letter for him.

Want some music?

Obviously I wasn't expecting
a welcome like that.

What was in the letter?

I didn't read it,
but from the way they were talking,

it sounds like somebody
called the American

is in Naples
and threatening to kill Silvera.

They think he'll contact me
to ask if I delivered it.

Do you want to know more
about the American?

Oh God, no!
I don't need any more beatings.

I've never had one like that in my life.

Maybe it's better
for you to know everything.

Get dressed.

-I've got nothing to put on.
-Don't worry.

-What do you mean?
-Here.

Take anything you want.

My God! Where did you get
all those dresses?

This place is an open house.
Women come and go.

You'd be surprised
at what you can find here.

You'd look good in this.
What do you think?

It's gorgeous!

-Here.
-Thanks.

It's perfect.

What are all the photos?

Are you a boxer?

I used to be.

-But I stopped.
-Why?

It was too strenuous.

Now I'm a circus acrobat, it's more fun.

So, how do I look?

-Fantastic.
-Thanks.

Come on, let's not waste any time.

We've got to go to the police.
You need protection I can't give you.

-The police?
-Yes, come on.

-We'd better hurry.
-Shouldn't we just let it go?

We'll go to Inspector Calogero.
He'll give you a hand.

What would I do with Calogero's hand?

What do you mean?

Silvera told me not to tell anyone.

But if you really think
the police should know...

I do.

I really do.

-Come on. It's not far.
-Let's go, then.

Is the inspector here?

Ammirata, I'm talking to you.

Can we come in?

Excuse me. Please.

Have a seat.

Hi, Manuel.
Keeping good company as always.

Is she English?

They're Tuscan,
the finest Italian quality.

Give her a light.

Later. The first drag's bad,
the second one's worse.

I'm at your disposal
for whatever you need.

-Thanks. You're very kind.
-Don't mention it.

Who is the American?

-Who's the American?
-A cocktail.

Why would I tell you
who the American is?

He's in town and wants to kill Silvera.

Oh, yeah? That's good news.
Did the lady tell you that?

Miss, give me your passport.

Passport.

Nice, eh? But you're better in the flesh.

She took a letter from the American
to Silvera and now she's the bait.

-You've got to do something.
-I'm afraid I can't do much.

Why not arrest Silvera? The American
leaves and the girl has no more trouble.

There's no evidence.

-Arrest the American, then.
-Sure, we'll arrest the American.

For fuck's sake,
we've been trying to arrest him

for five years!

Even the FBI didn't manage it.

There are no documents, no proof!

As soon as anyone sees his face,
they're dead!

Then you shows up,
"Why don't you arrest the American?"

As if it were that easy.

His presence has been reported
all over the world.

There's a rumour going round
that he killed Anastasia

at the barbers.

He's always nearby
when drugs are involved.

Hashish, cocaine, LSD, score settling...

He pits gangs against each other,
screws them and vanishes.

At least he screws the gangs
while we try to screw him!

And this one asks why we don't arrest him.

Long story short, if I don't have a case,
I can't do anything.

Just a second,
I have to make a phone call.

Good evening.

-What did you say?
-I said good evening.

-Eh?
-Are you blind or deaf?

Let's go.

A prison governor asks
a condemned man in the electric chair,

"What can do I for you?"
"Hold my hand!"

"Today, I got some sun."
"Well, put it back, then."

And wow,
government ministers eat too much.

The cabinet they spend
the most time in in the shitter.

"Yes, who's speaking?"
"I haven't even said hello yet!"

-Are you busy, sir?
-No.

-And you?
-No.

-You?
-No.

Well let's get moving
or we'll be here all night!

Bye!

Thank you, thank you.

-Hi, Rosy.
-My dear Manuel.

Is this your latest conquest?
Congratulations, miss.

Few men are as good in bed as Manuel.

And if I'm saying that...

The American's in town
and he wants to kill Silvera.

Does Don Calò know?

The only ones who know are
Silvera, Calogero and us.

Us? And who's she?

My name's Nora. Nice to meet you.

Hi. I'm Rosy. The pleasure's all mine!

You're very beautiful.

From you, that's a real compliment.

Nora wants to know what'll happen.

She's very interested.

Silvera and Don Calò are the bosses.
They've been feuding for years.

If the American is here,
there's going be trouble.

Big trouble for everyone.

I'm telling you this for free,
but if you bring me lots of money,

I can tell you more.

-Rosy, do me a favour. See those two?
-Yes.

Keep them busy for a while, okay?

The forces of law and order, eh?

-Who was she?
-She was Silvera's mistress.

Then Calò's.

She might be Calogero's mistress now,
but no one knows for sure.

She knows everything about everyone.

Ammirata must still be at the club.

Hey, Manuel.

You call this place home?

There's even a shitter in the lounge.

I swear by the Holy Mary,

I've never seen a house
with a shitter in the lounge.

Now, let's talk about you.

Outings to police headquarters
won't do you any good.

Silvera told you he didn't want
his private business going public.

And Silvera's never happy
when someone goes against his word.

You'd better go back to the hotel,
someone might come looking for you.

Go on, get out!

Curtain!

Stop him!

Take a bath, did you?
You still stink though.

Go dry yourself.

Come on, player.

Inspector, we've got
some very rowdy guests here,

can you give us a hand?
I'm at ManueI's place.

Don't worry, I've got men everywhere.
Even outside ManueI's.

Now, I'll kill you.

I'll kill you.

I'll send you to hell.

Bastard!

-At last!
-Where are they?

One's in the closet
and there are two on the bed.

They're friends, but they got drunk
and wrecked the place.

You're in trouble because of me.

Sure, I'm in trouble,
but not because of you.

You don't have to be so nice.

I knew something
was going to happen to me.

I happened to you.

-But you're no trouble.
-Says who?

Good evening.

Do you mind tying it for me?

Stop that! I'll do it.

Thank you.

Don Calò, it's Manuel.

Yes, she's leaving now.

-Don't make a fuss. Get in the car.
-What do you want?

-Where are we going, boys?
-Dancing.

How nice! You can teach me some new steps.

I'm Calò. I was anxious to meet you.

I can't say the same.

I heard about the message
you took to Silvera

and what he did to you.

Oh, yes?

Well then, you also heard that
I told your friend everything I know.

Silvera and I are not friends.

Actually, we're competitors.

Would you like to earn some money?

No. I took a beating while
I was earning some this morning.

Take it all the same,
you don't have to deliver it anywhere.

Take it, it's yours.
You can spend it how you want.

Ten thousand dollars.

Nothing I can tell you
is worth ten thousand dollars.

I don't want to buy anything from you.

It's a minimum payment

for the pleasure of meeting you.

If the American moves against
Silvera, we won't interfere.

If Silvera moves against
the American, we will.

As you can see, it suits you.

It suits me
to be caught in the crossfire?

I'm going to dance with my friends.

-Miss Green.
-Yes?

You know that this
is a very dangerous game.

Are you afraid?

No, I'm not. Are you?

I love dangerous games.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Father, shall we dance?
-I don't know how.

Come on, it's easy.

We'll teach you how.

But I can't...

-Let yourself go.
-I'm in my work clothes.

Well done!

-Even priests dance?
-I have an exemption.

Well done!

I'm going back to the hotel, guys.

You boys don't even know how to kiss.

I'm exhausted!

Bye!

Later. Listen...

Miss Gren...

Green, not Gren.

-Right away.
-Call her!

Someone to see you, Miss Green.

-Me?
-I think they're policemen.

Okay, thanks. I'll be right down.

Believe me, she's got legs up to here.

To what do I owe
the pleasure of this visit, Inspector?

Anything come up?

-What?
-New developments.

None.

Apart from the fact
that I'm followed everywhere.

I don't know if it's because
of my legs or because of the American.

It seems that you received
a large amount of cash.

Ten thousand dollars.

-Did you call me?
-You're wanted on the phone.

-Me?
-You, Miss Green.

Yes, just a moment.

It's Manuel, he wants to make love.

He wants to know if he should come
here, or I should go to him.

I don't know.

Here? His place?

You decide. What do I care?

Bye.

Come to me, darling. I'll expect you.
But not till this evening.

I'd like to break her...

-l...
-Let's go!

-Forcella. Quickly!
-Certainly.

-God, it's so hot!
-Yes, it is. Feel free to undress.

-Excuse me, are you married?
-Yes, I was young and foolish.

-And have you got a mistress?
-Yes, I'm middle-aged and stupid!

-Listen.
-Certainly.

A Citroen and a Fiat are behind us.
My husband's in the Citroen

and my lover's wife is in the Fiat.

What is this, a game show?

Listen, just imagine

that the man in the Citroen
is your mistress' husband

and the woman in the Fiat
is your wife. What would you do?

I don't know, but there's a green
Alfa Romeo after us too.

Really? Where?

-Who could that be?
-Looks like the Green Lrigade.

If my lover's wife is in one car
and my husband's in the other,

maybe the third is the police.

-The police?
-What'll we do?

I don't get it, but if it's
the police I'll put my foot down.

For a bit of fun.

Lloody hell!

Where do they think they are, in Monza?

-We've got to lose them.
-That is better than finding them.

I'll drop you at the traffic lights
and you can make a run for it.

You're a darling!

Wait for the green light. Get ready.

Take the second on the right,
it's pedestrians only.

Go!

She loves me, she loves me not...

-What's wrong?
-I'm down in the dumps.

What happened? You lost?

Everything.

Including a cute guy.

-Want to play with me instead?
-No.

I'd prefer Manuel,
if you'd lend him to me.

Manuel doesn't belong to me.

Wait a second, are those pounds or francs?

Ten thousand dollars they gave to me
and I want to play with you.

Dollars? I'm short-sighted,
I need to see them up close.

Well...

There. Place your bet.

Okay. What are we playing?

Who's who.

Don Calò and Silvera
monitor the port, airport,

roads and train stations
and they're after the American.

Did you know you can't leave either?

-No.
-Didn't you?

Well then, I've won this hand.

-Go on.
-Silvera and Calò hate each other.

They're both waiting for you
to make a move.

Play.

-Luck's on your side, eh?
-On mine, yes.

But you're up to your eyeballs in shit.

Not even Calò can help you.

-One last question.
-What's the use?

-You've not got long left.
-Answer it anyway.

Who controls the drug traffic here?

Ali. He runs La Nigra,
a nightclub just outside town.

I'm seeing him tomorrow at ten.
Do you want to send a message?

Oh, and put a good word in for me
with the American, would you?

Tell him I helped you.

-Who do you work for?
-Everyone.

Anyone who has a Swiss bank account.

-But I'm just a small fish.
-Try not to get any bigger.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-Yes?
-Mr Manuel called three times.

Thanks. My key.

Welcome.

I hope you're not trying to leave town.

Don't worry, if I leave I'll
let you know. You don't scare me.

You really need to work on that kiss.

-Look who's here. What do you want?
-I've got a delivery for you.

How kind! And what else do you want?

Can't you see?

-What are you doing?
-Stripping off.

The jacket's no problem. Let's do it.

-Who do you work for?
-Just myself.

But if you're nice, I'll work for
you too. I'm yours on special offer.

-Well, I've got better offers.
-But I've got this!

-Okay, let's do it to music.
-Yes!

Music turns me on!

So beautiful!

It's Nora. Yes, everything's fine...

...except for one little thing.
There's a blockage in the bathtub.

Come and remove it.

In there.

Manuel. Hello, darling.

Yes, everything's fine.

Excuse me, did he drown?

-No.
-Oh, thank goodness.

What is it? Okay, this evening.

I can't right now, I'm busy.

Who's Manuel with?

He might work for Silvera,
and he might have contacts in the police.

You need to be very clever to work it out.

I've got it worked out.

Excuse me, but that priest
just tried to talk dirty to me.

We'll take care of him.

These modern priests.

-You're a fine example!
-I'll do the talking!

Father, you've gone too far.

I can assure you that
I had the purest of motives.

-The filthiest of motives.
-No...

Careful with those brooms.
A priest's collar is a uniform!

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Swept off their feet.

-We'll win the shield this year.
-I don't think so.

Yoo-hoo, hi, darlings!

That bitch!

To Ali's club, quickly.

-It's you!
-Miss!

-Full speed ahead?
-Yes, let's go.

Such a nice girl.

Here. Look, this place has
a bad reputation.

I know, I'd never come with my boyfriend.

-What are you going to do?
-Don't go. I owe you for two rides.

I don't care, I'll wait.
You'll be quick, right?

-I'm sure I will.
-She's so nice!

She loves me, she loves me not.

-See you.
-See you, Ali.

What's a girl like you
doing in a place like this?

-Working.
-Well...

How much?

Whatever you want to give.

Alright.

What about me?

One at a time!
I work the old-fashioned way.

You can wait.

-I see you know the way.
-I always come this way.

Gonna take on my buddy afterwards?

-Is he good in bed?
-How should I know?

Well, these days you never can tell...

You don't waste any time.

Hey, what is that?

Ether.

Lousy thief! What did you take?

Don't get mad. Forgive me, please.

Believe me, l... just wanted some money.

Shame. He looked like he'd be good in bed.

You went in normal and came out stunning.

The Holiday Inn. Slowly, this time.

Maybe we should go fast
to keep ourselves in shape.

Hold tight!

The blind guy didn't see me.

The mic's been planted.

It should be on 27 megacycles.
You've got to tune in.

-Who is it?
-Manuel.

Come in.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Your uniform.
-Thanks.

Hello?

I want to speak to Ali. It's Silvera.

I'll go get him.

Think about me now.

It's me. What is it, Silvera.

-When's the shipment due?
-It belongs to Don Calò.

I'll triple what he's paying for it.

Forget it. What's going on?
I don't want trouble with Don Calò.

The American's in town.
Just blame it on him.

The American's here? You want me
to screw Don Calò and blame him?

You're crazy! Do you know
what I'd be getting myself into?

-I don't want to get killed.
-The American's here to kill me.

I could tell him you came up
with this idea to get him out of the way.

-You can't do that to me.
-I can do worse, fucking bastard.

I need that shipment
for the people in Miami.

That's the only way I can watch
my back and get rid of the American.

That's your business.
I can't double cross Don Calò!

Listen, I'll give you 25%.

That's a shit load money.

It could be the cost of my life.

You're life's worthless if you don't
tell me where that shipment docks.

Okay, but don't get me
mixed up with the American.

I don't even want to hear his name.

I'll tell Don Calò that
I lost contact with the Tunisian.

The shipment docks at Cala Bianca at four.

Do what you did last time,
then we'll take over.

It's always three men who bring it.

Silvera...

Don't mention me to the American.

Don't worry.

Why did you want me to hear
that phone call?

You're not really a stewardess, are you?

I thought only women were curious.

You can't get out of it like that.
I want to know everything.

At this point, I'm involved too.

Forget it. You're too young,
too cute and too good in bed.

-Why get yourself killed?
-Who do you work for?

Want some advice?
Get as far away as possible.

You'll read about
what happened in the papers.

What else can you do besides make love?

-Nothing.
-You'll find a job easily, then.

If you give me a hand.

It's Nora. Get up here right away.

Are you with the police?

Do you work for the guys in Miami?

Are you a friend of the American?

You work for him.

-Nora, tell me who you work for.
-Forget it, darling.

Come here.

Look after him, he's mine.
I want him back in one piece.

The shipment arrived
and has already changed hands.

Silvera's men have got it.
There's three of them.

They're on the way up. Get ready.

The Lord awaits you.

-Me?
-Yes.

Mr Silvera, how are you?

I've got something here
that's very important to you.

I've got my vices,
but cocaine isn't one of them.

So, I thought I'd let you have it.

-There's a price, naturally.
-Any price. Name it!

Send your dogs out
for a walk and I'll bring it to you.

-Come here right now!
-Don't worry, I'm close by.

I'll come when I'm ready.

You understand that
I can't take any risks.

Bye!

And of course, when I say money,
I mean dollars.

That fucking little bitch!

Inspector Calogero? Hello.

Did you enjoy the party at Cala Bianca?

Where are you?

I'm out having coffee.

Will I ever catch up with you, goddammit?

Inspector!

It just slipped out!
Where are you exactly?

I'm having coffee. Work it out.

She's calling from a public phone.
Try and trace it!

Say hi to your deputy for me.
He won't have time to trace me.

Do you want to clean up, once and for all?

Catch Silvera and Don Calò red-handed?

-No, I want you!
-I know, but you're not my type.

Don Calò is on his way to Silvera's.

They'll probably tear each other apart.

You'll find the cocaine too. Goodbye.

What do you mean, goodbye?

Try not to get there before Don Calò.

Bye-bye!

-Wait a moment.
-Bye, ugly.

"Bye, ugly." She meant you.

Everyone's after Nora.
She won't get away with it.

No, this time she's risked too much.

She wanted to invite
the inspector to the party too.

As usual, Nora loves gambling.

And if we come out of hiding?

It took us 10 years
to invent The American.

We can't compromise everything.

There's the local police too.

Crooks and cops everywhere will know
the American doesn't actually exist.

Nora came here as a stewardess.
That's how she's got to leave.

-If she gets out.
-Indeed.

She always does what she wants.

Anyway, this character we invented,
The American,

wins us our daily bread.

And he'll keep on winning it.

Silvera, Silvera!

They just called.
Don Calò's coming with his men.

Get ready, but no shooting.

Okay.

May I?

You outsmarted us all you fucking bitch!!

Mr Silvera, there's no need
for that language!

And in front of a lady too.

Here's your money.

But you won't get far!

What manners. Don't force me to shoot you.

Watch out, you fucking bitch.

This time the American's
not here to save you!

-Thanks.
-You're welcome.

We came to give you a hand,
the others didn't want to.

-What a waste. Want some?
-Depends on the quality.

Second rate.

-Awful.
-Let's go. See you at the airport.

See you. Bye, my child.

Careful.
Getting out of here won't be easy.

Go find them.

To the Bumper Cars!

Don Calò's here with his men.

-What use is half a cane?
-It'll come in handy.

Here come two of them.

There they are...

What is it, my son?

One, two, three, four...

-Now I'll smash...
-Your head.

Now I'll smash...

-Now I'll smash...
-Your head.

-Here!
-Ah, my head!

I'm flying!

Go on, mosquito!

-Hey, fatso!
-How dare you, shorty.

You big lump!

Wait, I'll be right back.

Fix him!

Incoming!

Wait there.

Leaving so soon?

Hey, fatso!

Here I am!

Allow me to unblock your ears!

Incoming!

You didn't hear me the first time!

Okay, I get it, come down.

Let's forget about it.

Now you're leaving?

-Scared of me? Come on.
-You come here.

I got some rest!

I'd love to see what's happening
inside your head!

Fresh as a daisy!

-Come here.
-What are you doing? Put me down!

-Put me down!
-Come with me.

Stay here.

-Putting me a in a cage?
-Because you're an animal.

-Come here!
-Fly!

Get me down! I'll show you!

Open the cage!

I'll tear you to pieces!

Get me down!

Big Lump! Poor dear, you're soaked.

You'll catch a cold, poor thing!

Bye!

He said, "Oh".

Silvera!

Call for back up
and get to the amusement park!

It's the cops, run!

-Put it in fifth!
-I am!

-Sixth, then.
-We don't have sixth!

The crooks have six, and we don't?
We're the shittiest cops ever!

Faster!

That's not a mini, it's a maxi!

We're taking the stairs again?

Get off me!

Here we go again!

My head!

Vagliaquinto!

Vagliaquinto, you stupid dick!

What the hell are you doing?

-Why did you stop?
-You told me to.

I called you a dick, I didn't say brake!
Come on, step on it!

What a beautiful day.

The usual idiot.

Want to overtake, eh?

Move!

Vagliaquinto!

Can't you go a bit slower?

What is it? Overtake if you want to!

Let me pass, dammit!

What are you waiting for?

Okay, if that's what you want.

Now some make up,
but I'm keeping an eye on you.

The finishing touches...

Brake!

You put it in reverse? Don't go backwards!

How embarrassing!

What are you doing?
You let her get away, as usual!

-Drive, you idiot! Let's go!
-I'll handle it!

You'll handle it? You're leaving me here?

I'll see all of you in hell!

-Are you stupid, by any chance?
-Who, me?

The price of lettuce,
and we waste it like this!

It's busy!

How dare you!

Instead of crooks,
we arrest people while they shit!

This is crazy! You can't even
use the crapper in peace!

What a disgrace. They'll report us
for lavatorial abuse! Get going.

-I've not finished yet!
-Finish at home.

The toilet!

-Take it away.
-I forgot the most important thing!

Beat it! Vagliaquinto! Let's go! Come on!

How do the police manage to arrest
everyone in American films?

Put it in fifth!

I was born in Canosa, Puglia
and I emigrated to Naples for work.

Instead of going to America!

-Hi.
-Hi!

-Wait for me here!
-I'm not going anywhere!

-Who's she?
-An English girl who likes me.

-What?
-It's true.

-You lucky ass.
-You should see hers.

She hit the wall.

Drive over! I don't give a damn!

What is this? Where are we?

Up to our eyes in tomatoes!

What a disgrace!
Why the hell do I bother?

They're San Marzano!

-Full speed ahead?
-Yes, to the airport.

You could have problems
with Inspector Calogero.

What problems? He's my twin brother!

He graduated but went bald
from the effort.

Quick!

Dammit!

If my kids see me...
I can't find my shoes!

What are you doing?
I don't need tomatoes.

Beat it!

Here we are.

Thanks for everything.

I won't forget you!

Last call for flight A107.

Hurry!

Ladies and gentlemen, the captain
wishes you a good flight.

Good morning, boys.

Here.

THE END