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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:21,331 ♪ Oh Oooh it's Christmas 2 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:25,417 ♪ getting cozy all up in this blanket ♪ 3 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,585 ♪ just hanging the garlands ♪ 4 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:27,586 ♪ wrapping the presents ♪ 5 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:28,755 ♪ watching the fire ♪ 6 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,381 ♪ the one that I want ♪ 7 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,508 ♪ is finally here ♪ 8 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:32,758 ♪ let's put up the star ♪ 9 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,594 ♪ oh it's Christmas ♪ 10 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,638 ♪ and I miss this ♪ 11 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,307 ♪ so come and hold me tight ♪ 12 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,434 ♪ all your kisses ♪ 13 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,771 ♪ match my wish list ♪ 14 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:49,192 ♪ it won't be a silent night ♪ 15 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:53,278 ♪ It's Christmas time with my baby ♪ 16 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:57,242 ♪ oh Santa I've been so patient ♪ 17 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,326 ♪ I've gotten to go ♪ 18 00:01:58,368 --> 00:01:59,452 ♪ open up at your home ♪ 19 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,619 ♪ I'm never alone ♪ 20 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,288 ♪ was waiting for you ♪ 21 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,808 ♪ to come on back too and... ♪ 22 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:04,850 You are listening to 23 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:05,959 by Five O'Clock Charlie 24 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,669 We've got more Christmas cheers 25 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:11,131 after a brief word from our sponsor. 26 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,058 Stop it! 27 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,821 I grew up in a really big old house. 28 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,366 It's a beautiful house. 29 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,411 It had a lot of problems. 30 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,830 Chief among them were mice. 31 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:47,292 Not a lot, but a decent amount. 32 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:49,169 My sisters 33 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,588 despite all being vegetarian, 34 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,257 couldn't stand the mice 35 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,216 Screaming 36 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,010 at all hours of the night 37 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,596 demanding we do something about it. 38 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,599 Now, my sister, closest to me in age. 39 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:04,349 Lyda. 40 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,688 She was never one to complain without doing anything. 41 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:11,524 So she asked me what to do. 42 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,818 I told her we needed mouse traps 43 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,405 and she came back with 20 traps. 44 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:20,366 Used all her allowance to get them. 45 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,703 Only she didn't get the right ones. 46 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,998 She got the glue traps. 47 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,542 Not the old school snap ones 48 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,544 that kill the mouse instantly. 49 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,881 See, the glue traps 50 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,760 They merely trap the poor animal. 51 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,804 Kill them slowly. 52 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:44,474 They either starve to death or 53 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,768 break their own legs trying to get off the trap. 54 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,896 Some mice have even eaten off their own limbs. 55 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,692 So strong is their will to survive. 56 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,447 I warned Lyda about the traps but 57 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,950 she didn't want to go back to the store, so 58 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,076 So she set them all out 59 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,412 around the house and we went to bed. 60 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,040 Middle of the night 61 00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:12,794 I woke up to a screeching sound coming from the kitchen. 62 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,088 I got downstairs, 63 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,339 I saw Lydia 64 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:17,423 crying, 65 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,801 crying, staring at something .. 66 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,928 When I got closer, 67 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,347 I saw a little mouse 68 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,225 desperately trying to get itself off the trap. 69 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,147 Now, Lyda begged me 70 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:34,732 to help the mouse 71 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,942 to set it free, 72 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,277 but I told her 73 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,987 that wasn't possible. 74 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,739 Once it's been stuck, 75 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,448 that's it. 76 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,536 The only thing she could do to help 77 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,662 was to decide 78 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,580 how long it suffered. 79 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:51,707 What do you mean? 80 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,459 Well, 81 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,588 she could leave it as is. 82 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,008 Try and sleep through the animal's cries of pain 83 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,175 as it died slowly. 84 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:02,844 Or 85 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,470 She could do the humane thing, 86 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,848 put it out of its misery. 87 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,309 Kill it. 88 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:11,602 My method was to 89 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:12,812 put it in a trash bag 90 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,856 hit it with a cast iron skillet. 91 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,566 You did it for her. 92 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,528 I didn't mind doing it the first time. 93 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:22,739 She was scared. 94 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,658 She'd never had to deal with anything like this. 95 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:27,410 But... 96 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:28,578 you better believe 97 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:29,495 the second time 98 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,496 I heard the screech. 99 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,041 I stayed in bed. 100 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,837 The only way a person can ever fully learn something 101 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,506 is to do it themselves. 102 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,639 When Lyda... Have you ever been to Antartica? 103 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,436 What makes you think my story was done? 104 00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:55,313 I was done hearing it. 105 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,192 You know, I can tell long boring stories, too, if I wanted. 106 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,027 It isn't nice to cut people off. 107 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,613 - Deal with it. - Izzy stop! 108 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,657 You should listen to your friend “Izzy” 109 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:11,037 Isabella and I do what I want, thank you. 110 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,414 Is anyone else hungry? 111 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,541 Can we stop for food? 112 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,750 Is that allowed? 113 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,878 Why are you asking us? 114 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,254 I don't know where we are. 115 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,465 The last time you were in was called Lowville. 116 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,554 We should probably get out before then. 117 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:10,875 Are you eager to get out? 118 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,932 Will you leave her alone? 119 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:18,711 I don't think we ever got your name. 120 00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,526 Janus 121 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,278 Yah-noos? Is that Spanish. 122 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,280 Greek? 123 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,658 Does it mean anything? 124 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,618 I think my name is just a month. 125 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:35,413 Janus is a Roman God. 126 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,123 Ha! Of course it is! 127 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,267 Janus is the God of gateways and beginnings. 128 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,335 Janus is the God of gateways and beginnings. 129 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,879 My name is a month also. 130 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:44,629 January. 131 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,466 Wow! You two have so much in common! 132 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,134 Jealous? 133 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,135 You'd like that? 134 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:49,886 Stop! 135 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:50,969 Stop what? 136 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,806 Look at him, he's a big boy. He can handle himself. 137 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:57,809 May 138 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,213 - If you don't like what's going on... - Stop talking to her! 139 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,149 You can stop it. You have control. 140 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,751 Stop talking to her like she's your friend! 141 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,318 I can pull over the car, I'll get rid of Izzy 142 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,754 I can pull over the car, I'll get rid of Izzy 143 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:11,656 - And we'll go together... - You're not taking her 144 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,427 Look at her, does she look like she wants to go anywhere with you? 145 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,053 Stop trying to make us turn on each other! 146 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,661 I'm not making her do anything! 147 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,182 She looks like you're giving her a seizure! 148 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,350 What I thing May needs us to do... I knew it! 149 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:22,710 I had the feeling when I first laid eyes on you 150 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,772 I think what May needs us to do ..that you would be the biggest 151 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,483 pain in the ass in the world -Stop! 152 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:37,266 You are the one with the gun May, hmm? 153 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,477 You make the decisions, not her. 154 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,270 No. 155 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,731 We make the decisions. 156 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,817 Izzy and I are a team. 157 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,528 But you're not. 158 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:50,029 Hmm? 159 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,863 I can tell. 160 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,533 You don't want to do this. 161 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:56,452 I have a niece 162 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,122 -She watches your show incessantly -Stop! 163 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:02,290 May? 164 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,043 Help me untie my legs. 165 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,250 May help me untie my legs. 166 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,589 And me and you can go to the cops and tell them 167 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:14,887 You don't have to escalate things because she's obsessed with murder. 168 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,556 I'm not. 169 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,309 I can't get out of this without you. Hey! 170 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:34,818 Do you really think that I am an unwilling participant? 171 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,455 Izzy and I both have our parts. 172 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:46,210 Mine just hasn't started yet. 173 00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:58,472 - You were right! - I told you! 174 00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,684 You made a big mistake rushing my part! 175 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:06,814 Your part? 176 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,442 Are you still hungry? 177 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,281 We can't look well fed when they find us. 178 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,116 Find us? 179 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,494 Did you call the cops? 180 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,956 Yes we called the co.. 181 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:32,465 but once the truth comes out, you're probably going to jail. 182 00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:34,424 Sure! 183 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,482 Your show is stupid, by the way. 184 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,650 Ouch! 185 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,110 Who wants to watch two idiots 186 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,988 put on makeup and talk about murder. 187 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,324 Apparently, a lot of people. 188 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,825 1.1 million, to be exact. 189 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,994 It's not just makeup and murder. 190 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,830 Don't forget Cookie Corner. 191 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,916 I watched one with my niece. 192 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:10,211 That was 30 minutes of you putting on makeup 193 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,463 while eating breakfast. 194 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,298 I'm May Marigold 195 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,840 And I'm Isabella Laningham 196 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,551 and this is Murder She Cooked! 197 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,261 30 minutes 198 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,305 before either of you spoke. 199 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,142 People nowadays are too affraid of silence. 200 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,854 Don't try and make what you do sound intelligent. 201 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,856 Just because you don't get it 202 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,068 doesn't diminish the value of it. 203 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:37,071 Art is up to the interpreter. 204 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,865 What you do is not art. 205 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:46,205 And what makes you the arbiter of what .. 206 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,499 The arbiter... 207 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,461 Only saw one episode, huh? 208 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,715 How is it what we do different than performance art? 209 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:59,760 Maybe it's because... we're on the internet! 210 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:02,012 Nothing wrong with embracing technology. 211 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:05,307 What you do is trash. 212 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,269 Everything about people like you is garbage. 213 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,938 In fact I think what you do 214 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,399 it's what's wrong with western civilization. 215 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,441 Oh huh! 216 00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:17,235 You are definitely more familiar than 1 ep.. 217 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,714 We are what's wrong with western civilization? 218 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,031 Like he's written a dissertation on us! 219 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,826 I don't waste my time on people like you. 220 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:25,910 Like what? 221 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,330 Talentless fame-seekers 222 00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,916 who feel the need to document 223 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:32,501 every single minute 224 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,546 of their pointless, meaningless existence. 225 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,012 It seems to me, 226 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:48,851 from our limited interactions with one another 227 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,145 that you are the kind of human being 228 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,606 who loooves to hear himself speak. 229 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,817 He's a teacher. 230 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,736 Hmm, but he's too verbose 231 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,029 to teach younger kids. 232 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,281 - High school? - College. 233 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,742 Some sort of subject 234 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,743 where he gets to give 235 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,411 long boring lectures 236 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,413 about mice on glue traps. 237 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,500 Maybe ones about social media 238 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,044 and it's impact on the modern world. 239 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,381 The Power of Social Media 240 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:26,472 So how about it? 241 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,932 Are we close? 242 00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:28,974 We must be close. 243 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,601 Look at how touchy he's being. 244 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,728 I bet he's the kind o.. 245 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,522 That flirts with his students. 246 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,107 I'm sure you say to yourself 247 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,960 it hasn't been that long since I was in college. 248 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,236 I bet I still look the same. 249 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,779 You bet wrong. 250 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,281 We're probably the same age. 251 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:45,491 Not spiritually. 252 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:46,616 Jesus! 253 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,787 You two coat yourselves 254 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,914 in 20 lbs of makeup every day 255 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,000 and make cookies on an internet show for living 256 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,711 and you have the nerve to come at me 257 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:01,298 for hypothetically flirting with my students 258 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,342 who are at most, what? 259 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,677 16 years younger than me? 260 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,137 16 years? 261 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,764 Probably how old his baby niece is. 262 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,349 Fuck you! 263 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:10,683 Huh? 264 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,685 Don't be mad at us. 265 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,187 Be mad at your Freudian weak brain 266 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,773 that's forcing an Electra complex with your niece. 267 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,026 Stop saying things like that 268 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,821 about my 11 year old niece. 269 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,578 Now what? 270 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,208 What? 271 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:46,510 We'd have to be as stupid as you think we are not to notice. 272 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,138 Notice what? 273 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:52,516 - You know us. - Like, really know us. 274 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,852 - No, I told you.. - My question is 275 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,438 What do we do with him now? 276 00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:58,689 Oh! You mean, hmm... 277 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:00,982 how do we kill him? 278 00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:01,734 Oh my God, 279 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:02,735 please don't kill me! 280 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,379 We have to make it big and dramatic! 281 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,697 Display him somewhere where lots of people can see him. 282 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,407 Please!...Please! 283 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,076 Oh, well, gee. Now I don't know. 284 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:12,202 Maybe we shouldn't. 285 00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:13,412 He did say please. 286 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,914 I love a man with manners. 287 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,916 Maybe we just play it by ear. 288 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,043 We could... flip a coin. 289 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,170 Heads we kill him 290 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:22,546 tails we don't? 291 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,467 It has to be more dramatic than that. 292 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:29,719 You got a coin? 293 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,271 Oh! Here's one on the floor! 294 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,403 Huh... You can do it? 295 00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,082 Tails. 296 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,669 Emotionally or physically? 297 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,629 Why limit ourselves? 298 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:05,881 So is this what you do? 299 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:06,966 Hmm? 300 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,719 You go around killing innocent people? 301 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,931 I think you're playing fast and loose with the word innocent. 302 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,183 When it comes to you two, I am. 303 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,894 I've never done anything to either of you 304 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,145 ever in my life. 305 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,146 Lying, again! 306 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:23,983 I'm sure you've hurt people. 307 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:30,698 You know, my instant dislike of you Janus 308 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:33,826 isn't just the fact that you delude yourself into thinking 309 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,577 that you are better than us. 310 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,913 It's the fact that after we've proven 311 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:41,666 unimpeachable evidence of your own mediocrity 312 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:46,005 you still feel deep down inside superior. 313 00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,007 Maybe I do. 314 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,759 But why do you care? 315 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,176 Hmm? 316 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,014 Why me? 317 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:59,476 When there are people who actively hate you. 318 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,565 People who troll your comment boards and 319 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:08,027 write nasty think pieces on you on twitter. 320 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,904 I nothing you. 321 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:16,076 The only reason I know you exist is because of my niece. 322 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,163 You on Twitter, janus? 323 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,623 For my job, yes. 324 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:22,665 Huh. 325 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:27,588 It's interesting to me a man who abhors social media 326 00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:30,174 as much as you would be on it. 327 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,469 We all have to make a living. 328 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:34,511 That's right. 329 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,180 We do. 330 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,104 I wanna get back to the student fucking for a moment. 331 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,106 I've never fucked my students! 332 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,274 Sure, sure, sure. 333 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,486 But let's say big huge Janus over here 334 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:53,071 starts to hit on little 5 foot nothing Kimberly. 335 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,949 - Your typical pocket blonde. - Maybe 100 lbs soaking wet. 336 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,035 Just moved her from Oklahoma 337 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,329 or some sort of stupid mid west place like that. 338 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,498 She wants to be a dancer some day! 339 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:03,916 Or a contestant on 340 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,459 The Bachelor! 341 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,087 Anyway, 342 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:10,130 she's failing your class and 343 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,008 she comes to you begging for some sort of extra credit 344 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,302 so that way she doesn't get kicked out of school 345 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,846 -and have to move home to Omaha -Oklahoma 346 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:19,848 Whatever! 347 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,267 And instead of extra credit 348 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:25,604 you try to offer another kind of deal. 349 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,941 Some sort of sexual quid pro quo. 350 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,902 Our little Kimberly really doesn't want to do a thing like that 351 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,070 with an ape like you! 352 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:35,614 But... 353 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,158 she's in your office after hours. 354 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,911 You're a big intimidating man 355 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,122 and she's an itty bitty little girl. 356 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,832 I'm sure you say to yourself 357 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,417 she could have left if she was uncomfortable. 358 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,461 I didn't force her to do anything. 359 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,132 Do you think I'm somebody else? 360 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:54,341 Well you did! 361 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,801 You put that girls in a position where she .. 362 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,303 And she couldn't get away. 363 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,472 If that's not rape I don't know what is. 364 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,599 I've never raped anyone! 365 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,561 You sound very defensive for some who's completely innocent. 366 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,692 You're both fucking crazy! 367 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,403 Calling women crazy! 368 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,320 Next he's gonna ask if we're on our period. 369 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,321 Stop. 370 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,240 Stop being hysterical women. 371 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,075 Being hysterical women. 372 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,162 You're not dealing with pocket blonde Kimberly. 373 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:26,582 May and I aren't tiny little women who are scared of you. 374 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,127 You have me all wrong. 375 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,505 I..I don't intimidate people. 376 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,466 I don't want women to be scared of me. 377 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,843 because you're super woke, huh? 378 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,471 Janny likes to think of himself as an ally. 379 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,308 Probably has one of those frames on his Facebook profile 380 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,060 that says “I Stand With Women” 381 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,707 Your face! 382 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:44,034 I need to get home. 383 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,536 Now you're in a rush. 384 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,121 My girlfriend is waiting for me. 385 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:50,540 You don't have a girlfriend. 386 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:51,582 Yes I do. 387 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,628 One blow job from Kimberly does not make her your.. 388 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,798 Stop saying that! 389 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,591 Why were you so eager to pick up two absolute strangers 390 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:04,137 Why were you so eager to pick up two absolute strangers 391 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:08,392 in that dinner, if you had a girlfriend to get home to. 392 00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,271 Being a nice person? 393 00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:14,605 Was it because we were too pretty girls? 394 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,817 We're no Kimberly but I think we're cute. 395 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:19,945 Who smiled and flirted with you? 396 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,116 I did it because 397 00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:26,451 I recognized you. 398 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,328 I wanted to be nice. 399 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,288 -You wanted to get into panties -Actually... 400 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,416 -You wanted to get into panties -Actually... 401 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,460 I was hoping you'd sign something for my niece. 402 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,421 My money's on you May. 403 00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:39,131 'cause I remind him of Lyda. 404 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,508 Jesus! 405 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,301 Just a feeling 406 00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:45,470 Maybe it's the way he tried to.. 407 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:49,891 Not a bad point but an arrogant man like this 408 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:52,310 I bet he thought he could get us both. 409 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,647 I think he buddied up to me because he erroneously assumed 410 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:58,734 assumed that I was the easier to manipulate out of the two. 411 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,779 Much like one of his students! 412 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,490 Yeah he was definitely hoping to bang us. 413 00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,075 Even if I was 414 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,328 I could still have a girlfriend 415 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:13,707 and she could still be waiting for me wondering where I am. 416 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,380 Izzy? 417 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,007 Yes? 418 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,344 How long would you wait for me to get home 419 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:29,014 before you decide something was wrong, 420 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:32,017 panicked, then called the police. 421 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,770 Not sure. 422 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,981 The diner we were at was in 423 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:39,941 -Lyonsfalls -That's right. 424 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,319 And we passed Lowville about 425 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,155 - 20 minutes ago? - Also right! 426 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,616 - 20 minutes ago? - Also right! 427 00:22:47,657 --> 00:22:50,577 And Janny over here said he was going to Fort Drum 428 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,205 but offered to take us to Chaumont 429 00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:56,333 and extra 30 minutes out of the way. 430 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:01,713 How do you know so much about this area? 431 00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:04,841 Are you from here? 432 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,010 I gotta tell you Janus 433 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:10,221 it's looking more un-likely that you have a girlfriend. 434 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,848 Well, that aside 435 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:15,310 you were already planning to be home in what... an hour and a half? 436 00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,896 And let's say that this totally real and not made up girlfriend 437 00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,650 is the world's most nervous woman 438 00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:23,777 even she wouldn't start worrying until 439 00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,946 a half hour after you were supposed to arrive? 440 00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:29,408 So I don't think anyone is sounding the alarm for you 441 00:23:29,449 --> 00:23:32,411 Until you are at least multiple hours late. 442 00:23:33,703 --> 00:23:35,831 What about my sisters? Huh? 443 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,918 It's almost Christmas. They'll be worried about me too. 444 00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,587 If they had any clue they needed to be. 445 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,340 You probably got there for Christmas dinner. 446 00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:46,382 Brunch. 447 00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:49,010 Probably wants to watch his niece open her presents. 448 00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:49,678 Aw. 449 00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:52,931 That's practically 24 hours.. 450 00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:58,538 If you just check my phone you'll probably see... 451 00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,604 - a bunch of messages -You're embarrassing yourself. 452 00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:12,409 People saw us leave the diner together. 453 00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:17,831 It's only a matter of time until 454 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:21,792 Until what? 455 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:24,379 You're just gonna have to wait and see! 456 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:25,797 Fuck you! 457 00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:28,467 Fuck you both. 458 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,094 You know, correct me if I'm wrong Izzy 459 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,180 but do they make a lot of Lifetime movies about 460 00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:35,474 strange women who kidnap men? 461 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,618 I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. That's right. 462 00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:39,811 That's right! It is the other way around. 463 00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:41,229 -Janny -Janus 464 00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:42,480 Do you really think 465 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,065 you're the one that's going to look good 466 00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:45,650 once the cops catch up to us? 467 00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:47,819 The cops aren't stupid. 468 00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:51,072 The facts aren't going to line up. 469 00:24:51,114 --> 00:24:54,618 2 women got into the car of a strange man 470 00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:57,662 We've already been reported as missing 471 00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:00,040 The waitress at the diner already got my note 472 00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:01,081 asking for help. 473 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,001 What? 474 00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:07,506 Oh! Yeah, I didn't tell you? 475 00:25:08,965 --> 00:25:13,053 I... I was nervous 476 00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:16,348 about getting into a car with a strange man but 477 00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:20,477 my best friend Izzy thought we'd be okay 478 00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:25,023 but just to be safe I left a note detailing 479 00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:28,360 both you and your car to her just in case. 480 00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:33,697 Smiley face! 481 00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:35,283 Jesus Christ! 482 00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:39,579 The odds are against you. 483 00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:42,958 You bitches. 484 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:44,876 Oh! 485 00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:50,047 Yes! Bitch! 486 00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:53,510 The word used by all woke men who are allies. 487 00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:55,595 What if I just kill us all. 488 00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:57,097 Will you slow down! 489 00:25:57,138 --> 00:25:58,473 Do you really want to scare 490 00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,684 someone who's holding a gun to your back? 491 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:01,726 Slow down! 492 00:26:01,768 --> 00:26:04,813 I've got what, 30 lbs on you bitches! 493 00:26:05,063 --> 00:26:07,398 I'll probably walk away with minor injuries! 494 00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,899 Not if May shoots you! 495 00:26:23,331 --> 00:26:25,000 Grrr!! 496 00:26:48,315 --> 00:26:50,609 Wow! 497 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:57,824 That was pretty exciting. 498 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:05,415 This is our first time taking our little act on the road and 499 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,293 I had no idea 500 00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:11,171 how much more thrilling the car would make things. 501 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,518 um... 502 00:27:50,543 --> 00:27:53,046 I haven't heard any pleads for your safe return. 503 00:27:54,422 --> 00:28:00,178 Aw, it's almost as if nobody knows or cares that you're m.. 504 00:28:01,054 --> 00:28:02,054 Uh! 505 00:28:02,722 --> 00:28:03,515 They care. 506 00:28:11,564 --> 00:28:14,526 Oh, come on! 507 00:28:14,567 --> 00:28:17,027 Janus lighten up! 508 00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:19,572 Can't take a joke this guy. 509 00:28:26,204 --> 00:28:28,081 Uh... Ummm! 510 00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:30,041 Uh 511 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:33,043 Okay... Uh... 512 00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:34,546 What are you doing? 513 00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:37,549 I... I need a minute. I... I can't drive anymore. 514 00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:40,718 Did I say you can pull over? 515 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,846 My ankles are killing me. 516 00:28:44,764 --> 00:28:45,890 Such a pussy! 517 00:28:47,016 --> 00:28:48,351 That's okay. 518 00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:53,481 Pull over up here. 519 00:28:58,653 --> 00:29:01,573 This is as good a place as any to stop. 520 00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:26,115 I have a family 521 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:29,369 5 older sisters 522 00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:30,995 My father died 2 years ago 523 00:30:31,037 --> 00:30:33,289 but my mother still needs to be taken ca.. 524 00:30:33,331 --> 00:30:34,666 Here he goes again! 525 00:30:36,417 --> 00:30:39,003 I'm gonna pee. Want to shut him up? 526 00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:57,689 Don't maim him too much! 527 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:04,153 My little mouse on a glue trap. 528 00:31:11,619 --> 00:31:16,457 Big strong man like yourself, bested by two young women. 529 00:31:16,958 --> 00:31:18,626 Not exactly young, are you? 530 00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:21,588 What are you, pushing 40? 531 00:31:21,921 --> 00:31:24,214 -I'm 32 -Uh... 532 00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:26,049 Sorry. 533 00:31:26,050 --> 00:31:28,636 First time seeing your face without a filter. 534 00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:32,140 Again with the belittlement. 535 00:31:32,181 --> 00:31:34,601 First you try mansplaining to me with that 536 00:31:34,642 --> 00:31:38,396 condescending little Aesop's fable 537 00:31:38,813 --> 00:31:40,064 then when that doesn't work 538 00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:43,109 you try driving a wedge between me and Izzy 539 00:31:43,151 --> 00:31:48,281 because obviously you are arrogant enough to think 540 00:31:48,323 --> 00:31:50,742 that one or two pointed comments from you 541 00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:54,745 Could end a lifetime of trust and friendship 542 00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,080 Let's not forget uh... Kimberly? 543 00:31:57,081 --> 00:31:58,750 And your little speed racer routine 544 00:31:58,791 --> 00:32:01,794 but finally, you save the best for last: 545 00:32:02,795 --> 00:32:05,465 You try the hostage negotiation tactic? 546 00:32:05,506 --> 00:32:06,549 On us? 547 00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:09,469 Telling us about your super dead dad 548 00:32:09,510 --> 00:32:12,596 your soon to be dead mom, your five million sisters, 549 00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:15,475 your imaginary girlfriend, your darling little niece 550 00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:16,809 and you know what? 551 00:32:17,644 --> 00:32:20,355 We just don't give a fuck! 552 00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:24,025 Argh! 553 00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:26,694 Because 554 00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:29,364 at the end of the day, Janus 555 00:32:29,405 --> 00:32:33,868 the roman God of gateways and motherfucking January 556 00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,787 Please! Please! 557 00:32:36,371 --> 00:32:41,417 No matter how your ego helps you cope with the events of today 558 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,419 I just want you to remember 559 00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:45,713 this unfiltered face 560 00:32:45,755 --> 00:32:48,883 that's holding you captive by your balls right now. 561 00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:57,475 Ugh! 562 00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:01,604 Um! 563 00:33:02,146 --> 00:33:05,858 Ugh! Um! 564 00:33:19,164 --> 00:33:21,082 - Ooh! - Grr! 565 00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:25,461 Now is the time when you 566 00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:28,131 decide whether or not you're going to 567 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:29,757 Accept your fate 568 00:33:30,591 --> 00:33:31,591 Urgh! 569 00:33:32,176 --> 00:33:35,847 Or chew off one of your own limbs to survive. 570 00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:40,893 Oh God! Ugh! 571 00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:14,880 Here's one for the last minute shoppers 572 00:35:14,904 --> 00:35:17,781 whose Amazon orders won't be coming in time for Christmas. 573 00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:18,884 And they are quickly driving 574 00:35:18,908 --> 00:35:20,243 from Walmart to Walmart 575 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,786 to find that special gift. 576 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,957 Here's Sweater Weather by Lindsey Boering 577 00:35:25,998 --> 00:35:29,585 ♪ Snow falling all around me ♪ 578 00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:34,132 ♪ under this coat my heart's pounding ♪ 579 00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:37,801 ♪ Cuddled up here with you ♪ 580 00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:42,640 ♪ Thinking of what I'd like to do ♪ 581 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:47,812 ♪ Your kiss tastes like peppermint ♪ 582 00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:51,941 ♪ The light gives your skin a pretty tint ♪ 583 00:36:01,492 --> 00:36:05,997 ♪ When you're with me it feels like Christmas ♪ 584 00:36:06,038 --> 00:36:10,793 ♪ Nothing could be better than sweater weather ♪ 585 00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:15,338 ♪ When you're with me the world feels so bright ♪ 586 00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:19,676 ♪ The naughty list never felt so nice ♪ 587 00:37:29,163 --> 00:37:32,708 Oh my gosh, Check this out! 588 00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:47,825 Mm! 589 00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:50,489 Um... 590 00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:00,624 Hm! 591 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,839 Umph! 592 00:41:07,298 --> 00:41:08,883 Huh! 593 00:41:10,092 --> 00:41:11,677 Huh? 594 00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:20,644 Argh! 595 00:41:21,645 --> 00:41:22,645 Hm! 596 00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:37,203 Blaargh! 597 00:41:50,174 --> 00:41:52,009 What the fuck did you to me? 598 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:20,370 The following has just been obtained from the Facebook 599 00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:22,706 of the man suspected of kidnapping 600 00:42:22,748 --> 00:42:25,208 May Marigold and Isabella Laningham. 601 00:42:26,043 --> 00:42:29,213 The following images a.. 602 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:32,258 I'm a dirty whore 603 00:42:33,050 --> 00:42:36,887 All I care about is how many followers I have 604 00:42:37,721 --> 00:42:40,015 Human beings mean nothing to me 605 00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:43,352 No! Don't hurt me! 606 00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:46,730 That was May marigold obviously being forced 607 00:42:46,772 --> 00:42:49,525 to say something by the suspected kidnapper 608 00:42:49,567 --> 00:42:51,402 Janus Balaskas 609 00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:54,071 While his motives are still unclear, 610 00:42:54,113 --> 00:42:56,323 police have been trying to ping his cel phone 611 00:42:56,365 --> 00:42:59,660 in an attempt to locate the victims before it's too late. 612 00:42:59,785 --> 00:43:02,663 That was just the latest drama from our Youtube stars 613 00:43:02,705 --> 00:43:05,874 known for their hit show: Murder She Cooked 614 00:43:11,338 --> 00:43:12,338 You two 615 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,842 You're sick motherfuckers, you know that? 616 00:43:16,927 --> 00:43:18,470 What is wrong with you? 617 00:43:24,977 --> 00:43:25,977 Why? 618 00:43:28,981 --> 00:43:31,442 - Why me? - I don't have it in me 619 00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:34,570 for another why you why this person debate. 620 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:35,612 Yeah, right. 621 00:43:36,155 --> 00:43:38,616 You clearly love to talk. 622 00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:40,784 That's right! I do. 623 00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:42,846 But I work hard so I've earned the right to speak 624 00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:45,122 as much or as little as I fucking want to. 625 00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,042 You know, I don't know Izzy 626 00:43:48,083 --> 00:43:49,459 I think we should flip the coin again. 627 00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:51,045 I don't think he deserves to live. 628 00:43:51,503 --> 00:43:52,796 We usually do best out of three. 629 00:43:52,838 --> 00:43:53,297 Wait! 630 00:43:53,339 --> 00:43:54,923 Oh yeah, that'.. 631 00:43:54,965 --> 00:43:56,008 You still have the coin? 632 00:43:58,844 --> 00:43:59,844 Oh my God, 633 00:44:04,808 --> 00:44:06,168 Do you wanna kiss it for good luck? 634 00:44:06,310 --> 00:44:07,144 Please! 635 00:44:07,311 --> 00:44:08,311 Please! 636 00:44:09,271 --> 00:44:12,566 Oh! I was .. 637 00:44:12,941 --> 00:44:14,401 Ahrg! 638 00:44:15,402 --> 00:44:16,528 You see it? 639 00:44:16,570 --> 00:44:18,290 I think it landed somewhere over here? 640 00:44:19,114 --> 00:44:19,740 Hm... 641 00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:23,702 Where could it be? 642 00:44:23,744 --> 00:44:26,038 Where could it be? 643 00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,497 Oh! 644 00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:29,625 Here it is! 645 00:44:30,793 --> 00:44:32,878 Huh! Just kidding! It's the top of an acorn. 646 00:44:34,588 --> 00:44:37,257 Don't worry little Janny we'll find it. 647 00:44:37,299 --> 00:44:38,341 We'll find it. n 648 00:44:48,602 --> 00:44:49,853 Doesn't look good. 649 00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:52,602 It sure doesn't. 650 00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:48,787 Augh! 651 00:45:56,086 --> 00:45:58,087 What the fuck! 652 00:46:54,853 --> 00:47:00,317 You know what? Um, Why don't you just go wait in the car 653 00:47:01,693 --> 00:47:03,362 and I'll come get you when I'm done. 654 00:47:07,199 --> 00:47:09,535 Don't sleep, ok? 655 00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:23,966 Can you make it? 656 00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:26,844 You're sure?...Okay? 657 00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,179 Yeah? Don't sleep. 658 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:55,539 Ugh! Ugh! Urgh!! 659 00:48:08,552 --> 00:48:11,179 Um, ugh... 660 00:48:17,436 --> 00:48:19,146 No!! 661 00:48:20,606 --> 00:48:21,940 Ahrg! 662 00:48:57,392 --> 00:48:59,937 Um!...Um! 663 00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:12,324 I know this is something you'd like to think you can avoid. 664 00:49:14,201 --> 00:49:19,623 That you can somehow will yourself not to get hard. 665 00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:24,503 Hm! 666 00:49:24,544 --> 00:49:28,882 But at the end of the day, friction is friction. 667 00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:15,257 Are you okay? 668 00:52:25,475 --> 00:52:26,852 It's done? 669 00:54:35,438 --> 00:54:37,274 You didn't cover him up? 670 00:55:10,473 --> 00:55:11,473 Hm.. 671 00:55:14,644 --> 00:55:15,645 Hmph! 672 00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:18,731 Thank you. 673 00:55:25,238 --> 00:55:26,531 Trouble in paradise? 674 00:55:26,573 --> 00:55:28,408 You'd like that wouldn't you? 675 00:55:31,953 --> 00:55:32,953 Izzy? 676 00:55:35,540 --> 00:55:37,208 Do you have any water? 677 00:55:37,334 --> 00:55:38,668 Why are you asking me? 678 00:55:38,752 --> 00:55:40,170 Janny... 679 00:55:40,211 --> 00:55:42,371 are you back to try and drive a wedge between us again? 680 00:55:42,756 --> 00:55:44,883 Because it went so well for you the first time... 681 00:55:47,969 --> 00:55:48,969 May? 682 00:55:49,137 --> 00:55:50,180 Yes? 683 00:55:50,555 --> 00:55:51,598 Do you have any water? 684 00:55:52,057 --> 00:55:53,516 Yes, there's some in my bag. 685 00:55:54,893 --> 00:55:55,893 Can I have some? 686 00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:32,806 Ah!...Thank you. 687 00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:36,476 Do you want some more? 688 00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:38,395 No. 689 00:56:38,396 --> 00:56:39,938 Thank you. 690 00:56:54,494 --> 00:56:57,539 Well, it's grand finale time. 691 00:56:58,915 --> 00:57:01,543 What does that mean? 692 00:57:04,254 --> 00:57:06,965 Time for the final coin toss. 693 00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:14,597 But you know, before I flip this coin 694 00:57:15,181 --> 00:57:17,684 I think it's time you confessed. 695 00:57:18,768 --> 00:57:20,562 Confess what? 696 00:57:20,603 --> 00:57:22,272 I told you it was too tight! 697 00:57:23,773 --> 00:57:25,066 I can't feel my hands. 698 00:57:25,108 --> 00:57:27,902 - Ugh! - You don't need to. 699 00:57:31,698 --> 00:57:34,367 I think you know us Janus. 700 00:57:34,909 --> 00:57:37,412 I think you know us very well. 701 00:57:38,913 --> 00:57:40,290 So well in fact 702 00:57:40,331 --> 00:57:43,877 I think you taught an entire semester about us. 703 00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:48,339 So what? I mentioned you in my class. 704 00:57:48,673 --> 00:57:51,509 I talk about all kinds of online personalities. 705 00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:52,968 Don't you mean influencers? 706 00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:56,639 Specially influencers that are causing the fall of western society? 707 00:57:57,515 --> 00:58:00,477 Ones that could “Tell teenage girls” 708 00:58:00,518 --> 00:58:02,604 to put Tide pods in their cookie batter” 709 00:58:02,645 --> 00:58:06,316 and the young impressionable women will dutifully tweet back 710 00:58:06,483 --> 00:58:07,525 How many? 711 00:58:11,571 --> 00:58:15,158 Is that what this is about? 712 00:58:16,743 --> 00:58:22,498 There are consequences to the things we say professor Balaskas. 713 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:26,127 That account is private. 714 00:58:26,169 --> 00:58:28,837 Nothing is private on the internet. 715 00:58:28,838 --> 00:58:31,673 You of all people should know that. 716 00:58:38,348 --> 00:58:40,350 This is what this is really about? 717 00:58:41,434 --> 00:58:43,520 I've tweeted about you what... 718 00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:44,978 twice? 719 00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:47,607 Maybe three times? 720 00:58:49,108 --> 00:58:51,986 Sticks and stones Janus. 721 00:58:53,196 --> 00:58:56,908 You two are pathetic. 722 00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:03,164 Flip the coin. I don't give a fuck anymore. 723 00:59:30,984 --> 00:59:31,984 Ugh! 724 00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:35,905 Stop! Stop! 725 00:59:41,411 --> 00:59:42,744 I need your help. 726 00:59:42,745 --> 00:59:44,581 Ah! 727 00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:51,796 I need your help. 728 01:00:03,766 --> 01:00:05,685 Urgh! 729 01:01:26,057 --> 01:01:28,351 Did you really just... kill her? 730 01:01:29,686 --> 01:01:32,188 Actually I think you did. 731 01:01:41,197 --> 01:01:43,241 Are you cold? 732 01:01:44,075 --> 01:01:46,034 What just happened? 733 01:01:46,035 --> 01:01:49,122 I asked you if you were cold ‘cause if you are I can 734 01:01:49,163 --> 01:01:51,332 help you put your pants back on. 735 01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:54,919 Yes. I'm cold. 736 01:02:14,355 --> 01:02:15,440 Hmph! 737 01:02:23,781 --> 01:02:24,907 Ugh! 738 01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:39,422 My fly is down. 739 01:02:53,561 --> 01:02:55,772 - Ugh! - What's wrong? 740 01:02:56,647 --> 01:02:59,650 My hands, I think they're really messed up. 741 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,824 [Isabella} Yeah, they're a little gnarly looking. 742 01:03:08,284 --> 01:03:09,410 Jesus! 743 01:03:10,745 --> 01:03:13,506 Don't be a drama queen. It's not like you're gonna lose them. 744 01:03:15,958 --> 01:03:17,168 You're such a pussy. 745 01:03:21,923 --> 01:03:23,424 You know... Hm, 746 01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:30,640 I don't see how you saying pussy and me saying bitch are any different 747 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:32,808 It is. 748 01:03:34,268 --> 01:03:35,268 So, 749 01:03:36,103 --> 01:03:40,566 It's not okay for me to use derogatory terms to bring down your sex 750 01:03:40,608 --> 01:03:43,236 but when you do it, it's totally fine. 751 01:03:43,820 --> 01:03:44,820 Right? 752 01:03:44,946 --> 01:03:48,991 it's not like... women 753 01:03:50,326 --> 01:03:54,622 betraying the sisterhood or some shit. 754 01:03:57,458 --> 01:03:58,167 Janice? 755 01:03:58,209 --> 01:03:59,252 Yes? 756 01:03:59,961 --> 01:04:00,962 Shut the fuck up. 757 01:04:04,715 --> 01:04:10,715 So, 758 01:04:18,187 --> 01:04:19,480 Are you two fucking? 759 01:04:22,650 --> 01:04:23,693 What is wrong with you? 760 01:04:24,443 --> 01:04:25,443 Seems like it. 761 01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:29,699 I know in your depraved mind, 762 01:04:29,907 --> 01:04:32,243 two females who love each other have to be having 763 01:04:32,285 --> 01:04:35,037 nightly pillow fights and wrestle in jello, 764 01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:38,457 but real love and friendship know no physical bounds. 765 01:04:39,083 --> 01:04:40,083 Hm... 766 01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:42,336 I've seen you kiss. 767 01:04:43,004 --> 01:04:44,524 You don't kiss your friends? 768 01:04:45,506 --> 01:04:46,757 No, I don't. 769 01:04:48,342 --> 01:04:49,342 You're missing out. 770 01:04:56,350 --> 01:04:58,060 Did I really kill her? 771 01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:01,229 You're concerned? 772 01:05:01,731 --> 01:05:02,731 Not for her. 773 01:05:03,941 --> 01:05:04,941 For yourself? 774 01:05:06,193 --> 01:05:07,361 Of course I am. 775 01:05:08,905 --> 01:05:12,074 At least with her alive... I had a chance to... 776 01:05:12,408 --> 01:05:13,408 At what? 777 01:05:15,912 --> 01:05:17,413 I don't know. 778 01:05:19,749 --> 01:05:21,083 Proving my innocence? 779 01:05:22,335 --> 01:05:23,375 You'll be fine. 780 01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:27,255 How? 781 01:05:29,258 --> 01:05:32,094 How will I ever be again? 782 01:05:33,930 --> 01:05:35,890 I wish my hands weren't so numb, 783 01:05:36,891 --> 01:05:39,268 'cause then I could've felt that bitch's throat 784 01:05:39,435 --> 01:05:41,270 snap in my fingers. 785 01:05:41,771 --> 01:05:42,771 Oh! 786 01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:45,358 That, scandalized you. 787 01:05:46,108 --> 01:05:48,736 That upset your delicate disposition? 788 01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:52,198 You put me through hell. 789 01:05:52,615 --> 01:05:54,241 And I'm supposed to feel 790 01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:56,786 anything? For you? 791 01:05:57,536 --> 01:06:01,958 You ruined my career, I could go to jail... 792 01:06:01,999 --> 01:06:04,961 I don't understand why this is happening to me. 793 01:06:05,002 --> 01:06:06,294 Why would you! 794 01:06:06,295 --> 01:06:11,175 Don't give me that arrogant bullshit again! 795 01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:15,262 You don't know fuck all about me. 796 01:06:15,304 --> 01:06:16,722 You chose me at random. 797 01:06:17,306 --> 01:06:19,808 You could have picked anyone of your little trolls 798 01:06:19,809 --> 01:06:22,812 but for some God forsaken reason you chose me. 799 01:06:24,647 --> 01:06:26,482 I'm not a perfect person 800 01:06:26,983 --> 01:06:30,194 but I definitely do not deserve this. 801 01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:32,947 You're right! You're not a perfect person. 802 01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:36,158 That doesn't give you and twiddle psycho over there 803 01:06:36,367 --> 01:06:38,828 the right to jigsaw me! 804 01:06:40,329 --> 01:06:41,329 I'm just... 805 01:06:42,999 --> 01:06:44,041 a normal dude. 806 01:06:45,876 --> 01:06:47,795 I'm no worse 807 01:06:48,254 --> 01:06:50,840 no better than anyone else. 808 01:06:59,890 --> 01:07:00,890 Why not you? 809 01:07:04,061 --> 01:07:05,061 What do you mean? 810 01:07:05,479 --> 01:07:07,815 If we're following your logic then, why not you? 811 01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:11,027 You're no better or no worse than anyone. 812 01:07:11,610 --> 01:07:13,904 Why would anyone else deserve this to happen to them? 813 01:07:13,946 --> 01:07:17,033 Why do some people get cancer and others get to live 'till 90? 814 01:07:18,367 --> 01:07:20,202 We don't live in a fair or just world. 815 01:07:20,244 --> 01:07:22,913 So why should man I treat you fairly or justly? 816 01:07:24,165 --> 01:07:26,184 Shit happens. We just happen to be the ones creating it. 817 01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:29,170 But this is how I'm going to be remembered? 818 01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:32,631 I'm going to die tied to this tree. 819 01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:35,676 My family is going to remember nice uncle Janus 820 01:07:35,718 --> 01:07:39,096 who snapped one day and killed two Z-List celebrities. 821 01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:41,057 You act like that's something bad? 822 01:07:41,265 --> 01:07:43,976 It is bad, you fucking lunatic! 823 01:07:44,018 --> 01:07:47,063 May and I have given you the chance to be remembered! 824 01:07:48,022 --> 01:07:50,900 Most people live and die and are never thought of again. 825 01:07:51,525 --> 01:07:54,236 Maybe the check out guy at the 7-11 may one day ask: 826 01:07:54,403 --> 01:07:55,803 What ever happened to such and such? 827 01:07:56,322 --> 01:07:58,616 Everyone remembers John Hinkley Jr. 828 01:07:58,657 --> 01:08:00,951 Everyone 30 and older does. 829 01:08:01,577 --> 01:08:04,121 The average Gen-Z hasn't the faintest fucking clue! 830 01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:06,916 They ate the story up when we talked about it on the show! 831 01:08:06,957 --> 01:08:10,752 That's because he tried to kill a seating president! 832 01:08:10,753 --> 01:08:13,172 And he was obsessed with Jodie Foster. 833 01:08:13,214 --> 01:08:14,799 Another person they don't know. 834 01:08:15,174 --> 01:08:18,761 You're no Jodie Foster. 835 01:08:20,429 --> 01:08:22,765 May and I are still in our infancy. 836 01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,101 You have no idea what we'll become. 837 01:08:25,142 --> 01:08:29,105 And I really don't fucking care. 838 01:08:29,814 --> 01:08:31,816 But you've taken that choice from me. 839 01:08:33,275 --> 01:08:36,779 I'm now forced to live this narrative you've created. 840 01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:40,116 And I should have control of that. 841 01:08:40,908 --> 01:08:41,908 I should! 842 01:08:42,993 --> 01:08:43,993 I should! 843 01:08:47,123 --> 01:08:49,959 Aaargh! Fuck you! 844 01:08:50,417 --> 01:08:52,086 Fuck you! 845 01:08:55,214 --> 01:08:56,214 I should be... 846 01:08:56,757 --> 01:08:57,757 I should... 847 01:08:59,343 --> 01:09:00,343 Fuck me! 848 01:09:09,395 --> 01:09:10,395 Seriously? 849 01:09:19,822 --> 01:09:20,822 Just do it. 850 01:09:21,949 --> 01:09:23,200 Just kill me, okay? 851 01:09:25,286 --> 01:09:27,329 I've got nothing left to live for and... 852 01:09:28,831 --> 01:09:30,166 I'm in so much pain. 853 01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:35,962 You win 854 01:09:59,445 --> 01:10:00,445 Oh! 855 01:10:01,488 --> 01:10:02,948 Fuck! 856 01:10:04,909 --> 01:10:05,951 Feel better? 857 01:10:08,287 --> 01:10:10,599 Kinda like that feeling of being on your feet all day and then 858 01:10:10,623 --> 01:10:11,749 finally sitting. 859 01:10:29,183 --> 01:10:30,183 Uhm! 860 01:10:50,496 --> 01:10:51,496 Is this you? 861 01:10:52,289 --> 01:10:54,059 What are we showing them today, huh? 862 01:10:56,418 --> 01:10:57,418 You're not bad! 863 01:10:57,878 --> 01:10:59,338 Huh? Is your niece the little girl? 864 01:10:59,922 --> 01:11:01,524 I actually have a song I wrote. 865 01:11:01,548 --> 01:11:02,548 Oh! 866 01:11:30,744 --> 01:11:31,744 She's pretty. 867 01:11:33,956 --> 01:11:35,156 Did you teach her how to play? 868 01:11:38,877 --> 01:11:40,629 Oh, what. You're finally done talking? 869 01:11:43,757 --> 01:11:46,260 I assume with your last breath you'd still be crying ab.. 870 01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:49,471 What bitches we were and how we did you wrong. 871 01:11:57,938 --> 01:12:00,058 Why do you have so many selfies at the gym? 872 01:12:00,190 --> 01:12:01,870 Has that ever turned a woman on? 873 01:12:06,905 --> 01:12:10,326 Gonna check your recently deleted to see if there are any dick picks! 874 01:12:10,951 --> 01:12:13,954 I've already seen it but still... 875 01:12:18,042 --> 01:12:20,502 What do I fucking have to do to get a reaction from you? 876 01:12:20,794 --> 01:12:22,880 Want me to tie your hands back up! 'Cause I will! 877 01:12:26,342 --> 01:12:27,885 What do you want from me? 878 01:12:28,177 --> 01:12:29,803 I want you to pay attention to me! 879 01:12:39,438 --> 01:12:40,856 She isn't dead, you know? 880 01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:42,441 I'd never do that to her. 881 01:12:44,860 --> 01:12:45,861 Yay. 882 01:12:54,953 --> 01:12:56,163 I'm sorry... okay? 883 01:12:58,165 --> 01:12:59,374 I'm sorry your hands got all fucked up. 884 01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:00,542 I't wasn't part of the plan. 885 01:13:02,378 --> 01:13:03,087 No? 886 01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:04,630 No, May just... 887 01:13:06,549 --> 01:13:08,550 May... what? 888 01:13:11,303 --> 01:13:12,971 May what? 889 01:13:17,893 --> 01:13:19,493 There's still time to fix things! 890 01:13:21,438 --> 01:13:22,981 We can go to the police. 891 01:13:23,023 --> 01:13:24,250 We can tell them everything that's happened... 892 01:13:24,274 --> 01:13:25,692 Is this the supposed girlfriend? 893 01:13:30,030 --> 01:13:31,030 Ex. 894 01:13:31,281 --> 01:13:33,075 Ah! So you lied, huh? 895 01:13:33,909 --> 01:13:36,203 Yeah, I did. 896 01:13:42,376 --> 01:13:44,253 Mouth clicks] She looks tiny. 897 01:13:45,045 --> 01:13:45,879 Gymnast? 898 01:13:45,921 --> 01:13:46,921 No. 899 01:13:49,258 --> 01:13:51,218 Former student? 900 01:13:54,721 --> 01:13:57,182 We didn't start dating after she graduated. 901 01:13:57,891 --> 01:13:59,268 Of course you didn't. 902 01:13:59,351 --> 01:14:01,936 I really don't want to do this again. 903 01:14:01,937 --> 01:14:02,771 Do what? 904 01:14:02,772 --> 01:14:06,358 This insufferable back and forth 905 01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:11,238 where I have to defend everything I say and I do. 906 01:14:11,864 --> 01:14:12,864 She looks young. 907 01:14:14,283 --> 01:14:15,283 Can she vote? 908 01:14:15,909 --> 01:14:17,786 She's legal, okay? 909 01:14:18,370 --> 01:14:20,539 Boy, that fills me with confidence! 910 01:14:22,875 --> 01:14:24,084 I'm not a pedophile. 911 01:14:59,828 --> 01:15:04,333 I just like being with someone who looks up to me. 912 01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:08,045 And women my own age tend not to. 913 01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:15,010 That's shocking to hear, Janus. 914 01:15:18,347 --> 01:15:23,310 There's nothing wrong with dating someone younger than you. 915 01:15:26,438 --> 01:15:30,567 Stop trying to make everything I do problematic. 916 01:15:31,985 --> 01:15:34,238 I won't let you feel better 917 01:15:34,821 --> 01:15:37,449 about ruining my life! 918 01:15:42,746 --> 01:15:44,873 Did May fuck things up by messing up my hands? 919 01:15:46,208 --> 01:15:47,793 Does she sometimes go too far? 920 01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:55,217 Your little niece has been tweeting about you. 921 01:15:57,344 --> 01:16:00,472 Don't worry uncle Janus. She's defending you. 922 01:16:23,203 --> 01:16:24,413 Thank you? 923 01:16:25,497 --> 01:16:26,748 She's not using it. 924 01:16:33,839 --> 01:16:35,757 Want some cold fries? 925 01:17:24,681 --> 01:17:25,599 What? 926 01:17:25,641 --> 01:17:27,934 This kid is definitely related to you. 927 01:17:29,144 --> 01:17:30,479 What'd she say? 928 01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:32,773 She just tweeted 929 01:17:33,065 --> 01:17:34,733 It is not only what we do 930 01:17:34,775 --> 01:17:37,903 but also what we do not do for which we are accountable. 931 01:17:38,737 --> 01:17:39,404 Moliere. 932 01:17:39,446 --> 01:17:40,446 Yup. 933 01:17:42,699 --> 01:17:43,575 Jesus. 934 01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,661 I know. She's almost as pretentious as .. 935 01:17:45,827 --> 01:17:47,704 What 11 year old talks like this? 936 01:17:51,291 --> 01:17:54,002 Aw... She not only added you but me and May. 937 01:17:55,045 --> 01:17:56,546 She still loves us by the way. 938 01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:02,177 No one's perfect. 939 01:18:08,642 --> 01:18:10,143 A lot of people are coming at her. 940 01:18:10,769 --> 01:18:11,769 What do you mean? 941 01:18:13,438 --> 01:18:15,941 “How can you defend him. He's a monster.” 942 01:18:16,233 --> 01:18:19,027 “Obviously the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.” 943 01:18:20,195 --> 01:18:21,697 Who's saying these things to her? 944 01:18:22,239 --> 01:18:23,479 All kinds of people. 945 01:18:25,033 --> 01:18:26,118 She's child! 946 01:18:26,410 --> 01:18:27,703 People don't care. 947 01:18:28,704 --> 01:18:29,704 Well, they should. 948 01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:34,876 Also who lets a child that young have a Tweeter account? 949 01:18:36,294 --> 01:18:38,171 I said the same thing to my sister. 950 01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,132 She doesn't care. 951 01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:43,969 Humanity must be exterminated. 952 01:18:44,511 --> 01:18:45,511 Hmm. 953 01:18:48,724 --> 01:18:51,435 “This situation is much larger than any of us” 954 01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:53,270 'You shouldn't be posting about this” 955 01:18:54,855 --> 01:18:56,273 Who said that? 956 01:18:56,398 --> 01:18:57,482 Lyda. 957 01:18:59,526 --> 01:19:01,319 God forbid she parent in person. 958 01:19:06,074 --> 01:19:09,411 “People don't think about the big picture or the greater good.” 959 01:19:10,495 --> 01:19:11,580 “They're all myopic.” 960 01:19:12,831 --> 01:19:16,918 ”All anyone cares about is the instant gratification of their needs.” 961 01:19:20,464 --> 01:19:21,506 Who wrote that? 962 01:19:22,257 --> 01:19:23,592 No one. I'm just saying it. 963 01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:29,306 How many of my lectures have you listened to? 964 01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:32,017 All of the ones that were available online. 965 01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:40,942 I always loved having me quoted back to me. 966 01:19:48,950 --> 01:19:49,950 You know... 967 01:19:50,076 --> 01:19:52,996 May means more to me than anyone or anything in th.. 968 01:19:55,749 --> 01:19:57,375 Then why did you hurt her? 969 01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:07,135 Things haven't been going as planned. 970 01:20:12,349 --> 01:20:17,145 I wouldn't say anything to anyone if you just let me go. 971 01:20:17,854 --> 01:20:20,899 I just want my life back, huh? 972 01:20:21,316 --> 01:20:24,820 I... I will drive away. You'll never hear from me again. 973 01:20:26,738 --> 01:20:28,489 You're already all over the news. 974 01:20:28,490 --> 01:20:32,452 You could say it was a... a stunt or... or something... for your show. 975 01:20:32,828 --> 01:20:35,497 A war of the worlds type thing for the internet age. 976 01:20:35,956 --> 01:20:38,583 Will you stop talking about us in your class? 977 01:20:38,625 --> 01:20:41,419 I will never mention either one of your names ever again 978 01:20:41,461 --> 01:20:43,463 in my fucking life! 979 01:20:44,172 --> 01:20:46,049 I... I'll do whatever you want me to do 980 01:20:46,091 --> 01:20:48,051 if... if you just let me get out of here. 981 01:20:48,093 --> 01:20:49,761 I... I'll even stop teaching! 982 01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:52,681 I'll retire early! I'll take up fucking knitting. 983 01:20:52,722 --> 01:20:55,225 Whatever you want me to do I'll do! 984 01:21:05,610 --> 01:21:06,695 What are you doing? 985 01:21:12,325 --> 01:21:13,325 Run! 986 01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,546 Now! 987 01:21:25,839 --> 01:21:26,214 Agh! 988 01:21:41,771 --> 01:21:44,190 Huh!...Go! 989 01:21:59,497 --> 01:22:02,584 Run! Ask is is a professor of media studies at Anglesea 990 01:22:12,469 --> 01:22:13,469 Urgh! 991 01:22:27,442 --> 01:22:30,110 Balaskas is a prof.. 992 01:22:30,111 --> 01:22:33,448 With no known connection between him and the victims at this time. 993 01:22:33,615 --> 01:22:36,826 Balaskas is driving a 2012 red Saturn minivan. 994 01:22:36,868 --> 01:22:39,453 If you have any information on his whereabouts 995 01:22:39,454 --> 01:22:41,373 please call our hotline 996 01:22:41,414 --> 01:22:45,085 AAArgh! 1-800-367-9678 997 01:22:45,126 --> 01:22:48,588 If you see a 2012 red Saturn minivan 998 01:22:48,630 --> 01:22:53,802 please call our hotline 1-800-367-9678 999 01:24:55,423 --> 01:24:58,968 Help!...Help! 1000 01:24:59,260 --> 01:25:01,846 We're at the woods, over near Copenhagen 1001 01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:03,932 He tried to... 64280

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