Original subtitles

- So I'm really nervous.

I'll put everything into my invention.

- For relax your lace, France, there's only one

health condition that sounds really needs to fix.

- Tensor.

- No, can't see gets enough airtime.

She's a booked in busy girly.

I'm talking about the debilitating condition called vehicle.

- Yes, you're right.

I'm the one being ridiculous.

- Mm-hmm.

Honestly, I was on a date last night with the sugar,

'cause I was eating a more audacious head vehicle.

I don't know why.

- Oh, did it have a block? No, sir.

- It gives me the ick.

It's like, fam, if I come across and take you

out, then you definitely can't take me out.

It's definitely like a dickhead.

That's sad.

I hope you're as excited about trialling your health invention on my guinea pig.

- Oh, miss.

- Animals have invited you.

- Oh, not this one.

No, he sold them to me to upgrade his Sky Sports package.

I'm talking about Mr. Harper.

Have you seen him?

- Oh, he may have slept in.

It was a big day for his community yesterday.

- I thought some Patrick's day was last month.

- Have you done a day's birthday?

- It's like Easter Sunday for the cis-heck Caucasian hoot-a-gong community.

- But fear not.

Because I think we have family invention

that will help win this health and fitness competition.

May my class case very own masterminds.

- Warren.

- I give you the expanding kitten hill.

- How does that relate in any way to the fitness brief?

- I look fit in a teacher by a day, who took my mobile noise.

Oh, me.

- Ah, it's still a prototype.

So, won't tell me it's real weight.

I'd rather die.

d Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah d

- Abby Grove is spiraling into a health crisis.

Our pupils are baffling doctors with illnesses

usually associated with aging long-haul truckers.

And someone thought it was funny to tweet Marcus Rashford about it.

Now, the health minister wants you lot to get into shape, fast.

Talk about an own goal.

Really must try to stand up.

So I brought in a fitness expert to help judge

this competition and get us all in shape.

Will you please welcome to the stage?

A man who has millions of people taking his online classes.

It's Mr. Mo Dicks.

- When I say Mo, you say Dicks.

Mo, Dicks, Mo, Dicks!

- All money is saying that.

Come on over one loves Mo.

I've got my mum through milk pound.

- So your mum's at the Bell Minute.

I'll get my Mo Dicks any time.

- Shout out.

- Now, something you might be thinking, huh, he looks more like an arms data.

Thanks to my weapons of mass destruction.

Boom.

Let's get this school moving.

It's so awkward, you don't even mind thirsty.

- When I'm on this fine, in my vicinity, consider me dehydrated.

I'm gonna get hands and the shrouds.

- Will my fellow judges please join me on the stage?

Yes.

- Mr.

Carmichael.

But people call me Stephen.

Oh, you take a little secret.

- I call them my allies.

They allow me to hear whenever my POC community need an ally.

- I love it, but help me see the fitness and the guest.

- Um, yeah.

- Duh, I run to the rescue.

Next.

- When you're young, you think I'm gonna live forever.

But trust me, one day, every single one of you is going to be dead.

- My solution, cryo sleep.

- Oh.

- Sorry, it was full of uneaten coronation cash.

Simply enter the chamber, be your nightly slumber.

Three hours later, when you wake up, screaming.

- It's all over, probably inside.

- Next.

- The bar got 3000.

This one had a quorum, 'cause sure when my haters and bad

bad conversations, so I stay blessed, I'm not stressed.

Get me? - Thanks, Jess.

It's bad for your help.

Do I see me? - Stephen.

d My love must be a kind of black love d

d I can't see anyone but you d

- Ah, now I get you.

No notes.

- Damn, I'm so impressed with all your health tech inventions.

And now, I'm going out to the winner.

- It's gonna be me, it's gonna be me.

- Okay, and the winner is every single one of you for taking part.

- Yes, I won.

- And as a price, you'll get my personal fitness watch.

- Verdict bit.

- Be warned of Verdict.

- You get a dicks.

- You get a dicks.

- You get a dicks.

- The next bit will count your steps, calories,

heart rate and sleep, bringing all of that via their jig goodness into a score.

And the scores will be displayed on these leaderboards

so we can see who is their healthiest student.

- I'll be right.

- No, how can everyone be a winner if that's a leaderboard?

- Oh, it's just a bit of healthy conversation.

- Obviously, with a dicks bit, I can make you think like winners.

- Oh, my God.

d I wake up in the morning d

d And ask myself what am I doing d

d On the stand and we've got their way d

- Yo, why are you giving these years of intros freebies to deserve nothing from them?

- Them sweets have so many numbers.

- My goal is to stop running.

- She's wearing my dicks bit.

She's going to shoot me right up the leaderboard and the dealers is by in dust.

- Get moving, is Matt.

Do more, be more.

- Bro, I don't want to swivef these fancy eyebrows for nobody.

- Other than.

- Remember, the eyebrows are not what make it

the woman, but it is what make her a bad bitch.

- Morning.

Shoulder levels critical.

- This thing monitors my blood.

That makes me feel uncomfortable.

- Of course you're uncomfortable, mate.

- But I'll pack it up after, right?

- What's wrong with the post-prandial mint fondant?

- My granddad always said, they're a god's his fault.

- How's your granddad doing?

- Oh, fuck good.

It's actually up in the god's here.

- Maybe the dick's bit is right.

- Oh, good of you to join us, Mr Harper.

What's your excuse for this latest shambles?

I heard it was Danny Dyer's birthday.

- Yes, but when I got home from that, I invented this hat, look, took me ages.

- You put a couple of bowls of looks at it,

I don't eat cider, then it's for professional athletes.

- Professional alcoholics, more like those accounts of lager?

- Yes, I get my best ideas when I'm pissed.

- I miss I'm really sorry.

- Oh, that's right, but getting pissed is very fit and friendly, so.

- But you're right, giggled on the night, aren't you?

- But in a token, dumbbell.

Steven, you lot in my hat, then you're.

- Steven is, isn't your friend?

- I hate to say it, but I don't know who this man is.

I'm sorry to this man.

- Harper, you've got to get a grip.

- If you did your job properly, the school wouldn't be in this mess.

You've got to shape up or ship out.

It's your last chance.

- Thanks a lot, Judas.

- Help! - It's cold.

- For a blow here, it must be pissed.

- Wow, rhythm scores all the kids on physical activity.

- I mean, we do have a lot of young men here with only one thing on their minds.

- Oh, don't worry.

Dick's bit is programmed to ignore repetitive wrist movements in teenage boys.

- Very, very wise, yes.

I mean, I don't want them thinking they can

masturbate the way to the top, not in today's climate.

- Sometimes.

It just takes the right person to inspire us.

- Yeah, that's so true.

- Yes, mine was actually Carol Waldemann Countdown Queen.

She has the bosoms of a goddess,

and one of those swollen bottoms that everyone lasts after.

- What was your exercise of choice? - Oh, giggles.

- Kiggles.

- Kiggles?

- Yes, I now have the pelvic floor of a disgrace, Russian gymnast.

And from one iron grip to another,

I would like to enroll Abi Grove in your fitness program.

- The online lessons, the diet plans.

I mean, the whole package, not the, not the, not the package.

- Ms. Herban, I've set plenty of records in my time.

- All right, thank you, Abi.

- We're getting this school into shape is the biggest challenge yet.

- Well, you can sell as much of the children's data

as you like to, perhaps you, you know what I love.

- Yeah, so then it's a win-win for everyone except for Harper.

And if the first two months go,

well, I can, yeah, just replace him with a couple of televisions.

- Well, I will leave you with a parting gift.

- Oh.

- And no, it's not one of my triple decker vanilla Kakar bars.

- I mean, no sharing, those.

- Mm-hmm.

- No.

Thank you, Dick.

- Bits.

- Enjoy.

- No puns detected, no puns detected, signals critical.

- Oh, my God.

I'm clinically dead.

- Telephone, what do I do if I'm dying?

- Let's see, when you are dying, why not create a bucket list

to do everything you always dreamed of doing?

- Do you think I nearly called the nambulance?

All right, telephone, write this down.

Bucket list.

Number one, try a startup comedy.

Number two, set a world record.

Number three, sleep with Bear Grylls.

- Don't like me.

- 'Cause then we go on, absolutely ruined him.

- Just the other day, I heard a whole say.

Matter of fact, what could a whole say?

Would a bass like this in a bitch display?

- She, what could a whole, nice catch there?

- Thanks, you know me.

Always active, but I think I've been overdoing it

with the, the sport that this ball belongs to.

- Well, I'm off ski.

- Daddy's got to feed the twins.

- Take it a bit.

- Whoa, what about the Dick's Bear?

- It's the startup of revolution.

- Between me and you.

- I can't see him working closely with someone like Miss DARPA.

It's, it's very bad for the ramp.

- So you're telling me that a Mitchell is that anything

stopping me and you stick in together like Velen Kraut.

- Huh, I guess.

Call me if he quits.

- Wait, don't go!

- Because have you seen the state of the canteen?

Honestly, it is terrible in there.

- Sure, I can give him some tips.

- You know, hope he gets to work together.

- Well, we will work together.

Time to take a bite and Mr. Harp.

d Oh, here he comes d

d My favorite brother d

- That's interested.

I feel as rough as a badger's ass.

And thanks to you, I've now got hope and given me great for you.

Need to look after yourself.

Let me put you in Uber home.

- No.

- I had that juiced up dickhead still running around

school showing off his, what'd you call him?

- Muscles.

- Oh, oh, don't worry about him.

He's making me look bad.

I need to get rid of him.

- What is you, the bad, what, how?

- Oh, is he phrases kiss him right now?

I am gonna go in there.

I'm gonna get something he's mushed and I'm gonna tell him to do one.

Fraser, keep him there.

He's quite over shit.

It's like a human baby mal.

He just rolls.

- Hold on, right, sir?

- Let's go, baby.

- Don't stop.

- Oh, he says I'm letting himself down.

- Two more.

- Three more.

- Three more.

- Straight on.

- I believe it's fine.

- Sir, these dick spits a too much, man.

War is topping up offerings like he's a character in top boy fam.

- Big man thing.

If I have a bump now, I'm not sugar leveled once, so I cut the lunge.

- Mm.

- Sir, these things are tangents since you're going to scoot paltrow.

- I'm gonna juice Tony Diet.

- And why do you catch like that?

- It's the juice.

If I sit down, I fart.

If I stand up, I fart.

This is the only position that I don't know.

- You better out the inch of I, man.

- Not it, yeah.

- How does that not give you the ink? - I don't know.

But you lot need to get it together if I'm gonna stand a chance with Mo.

And Mitchell needs to crawl back into the bargain bucket that he came from, blessing.

- You need Mr. Harper out the way for how long?

- A week.

- Please, I just need a couple of hours alone with Mo.

- I need a pen, a doughnut, and your credit card.

d Baby gates d d You just don't know how high I want you d

d So sad d d And I just want you to know d

d You gotta forget d

d We'll take a step by step d

d 'Cause I'm not something you are d

d Baby gates d d You just don't know d

d I don't know d

d I don't know d

- What is that? - Mr.

Harper, burn at that open here.

- I was well-arched this morning, so to apologize.

You and a friend are invited to join some key-led skillet.

- Celebrity.

- Celebrity guest bought a beer bike tour.

- Sick, nice one, sir.

- You should think I'm an idiot.

- This is from Hoban.

It's obviously some sort of test.

- Or she's trying to show you how much she appreciates it.

- Yeah, all right, Fraser.

- Yes.

- Mr. Harper's got a plus one on a trip of a lifetime.

But new can-do.

My work has given me a petrol can I now putting the lad into salad.

- It's a celebrity beer bike.

- Celeb's.

- Oh, shit.

- No, no, no, no.

Fraser, these kids are bloody rubbish.

- Come on, right.

- Just wait a minute.

Please, no, I've got a head-eye.

Fraser, I'm telling you, this is a trap.

I'm all in my lifetime.

Open as it is.

- Beer bike for Mitchell Harper.

Is that, it is?

- It's golden balls.

Jasper Carrot.

David Beckham.

- At your service, Gaffa.

Climb aboard the Becksmobile.

- Ah, this is a dream come true, I can't believe it.

- Hope it knows me better than I myself.

Oh, Beck.

- She's having a laugh.

You brought the missus along.

- Cool, you under the thumb, much or what?

- Who's that?

- Coolly old gentleman.

- I'm kind of Saunders.

- KFC Empire?

- I'd be funny, mate, but I need one.

- You think a wide man cleared your chicken seasoning recipe

with the 11 secret help send his faces? - Great point.

- Log up.

- This is the best day of my life.

What about the birth of your son?

This is the best day of my life.

- All aboard, we've got to pick up a few more VIPs.

- God.

- Gotta ask, Lego breast.

- I'm vegetarian.

- Norm, it's a little girl, don't.

- Never have I ever checked the spice girl.

Drink.

d Well, it's it's on noisy d

d And I don't give up there d

d 'Cause even if it kills me d

- Yo, yo!

Steven told me that Mr. Harper has gone April.

But luckily, Captain Jack Sparrow here is pumped to cover for him.

All right, let's start with the selfie.

Oh, oh, hi, Steven.

Steven, I can't see you.

- Nice, son, lucky.

Let's go.

- You need stronger wrists, and there's an easy way to get him.

- I get on the ball, get on the ball.

Let's go.

Nobody's too much, run this time for me.

- Come on.

- Whoa.

- Hello, Trey.

- Did you know the one about the cross-side teacher?

- He can't control his pupils.

- But he is a valued member of the team, so Bravo, Bravo to Mr. Bingham.

I'd like to invite the school to the assembly hall in ten for my tight attend.

- Basil, Paprika, Fenugreek.

Please stop in three hours as a potato.

- If you don't disturb, I will throw myself on this bike and frozen.

- Deal? - Post-weddish.

- Stay out of it, Wallace.

It's got nothing to do with you.

What is she doing here?

- What?

- The European Championships, 2004, would explain that penalty kick there.

- Oh, frankly, right.

Well, that's an understatement.

- Wait a minute.

I've seen that woman glaring at us before.

We're going around in circles.

We're in a cul-de-sac.

- Oh, dear.

Bexes copped up the directions.

- If it is horse radish, blink twice.

- Told you.

- Wallace, make it like you're inside one of your factories and can it?

- You can identify as anything these days.

- Oh, hang on.

A few nerves in the room.

- Um, I identify as a workaholic.

Do you get it?

Because, I mean, who doesn't love work?

Am I right?

You know, the other day, my out of office, said that I was on holiday until '21, '24.

And I don't know what you're thinking.

No, 100 year holiday.

No, it would be horrific.

- Your jokes are dead.

- Well, do you ever started that out?

- The comedy is subjective.

- Yeah, you'll die it, burn it out.

- Yeah, you'll die in me.

Right, all right, forget this.

I've been Miss Hoban.

I'll see you all in detention.

That's funny enough for you.

Good night.

- Oh, you're right.

- You're right, you're right.

- Look at this, stand up.

- I'm on record in the sixth week.

Like, the DS.

- With it.

- You're gonna take it off!

- Go, go, go, go!

- Get off!

- Well, it's Mr. Harper.

As far as I concerned, Harper is responsible for all of this!

- Get off this stage of toss-up!

- Ah!

- Colonel, you know, the beckons have got one of our own in the family.

- We, Brooklyn, saw him making toast on Instagram this morning.

The kids are natural.

- Well, we're going around in circles, bitch.

What is going on?

- Don't lie to me, I am your gaffer.

- I'll go, folks are Alex.

- No, I'm not the Ed Drive treatment.

- I will claim it's tapping your fears.

- AKA Stephen Carmichael.

- He said to keep you away from their school for as long as possible.

- So, I've been didn't build this trip.

Stephen did.

- Oh, my God, Bernie's gonna be pissed.

No one's teaching P.E.

- Well, they've got MoDex.

- He could cover for you.

- Well, I'm not gonna get fired just as Stephen can have a roll around without track.

Why, I'm turning his bike around.

- He's flashed down.

Well done.

That was a really healthy, big, glossy one.

- What?

- Like a notch down a river bank.

Keep being your father, bud.

- Half-press Hercules is spying on us in the toilets.

He's got to go, now what?

- That's not gonna be on my mood board because he's not giving me the ick yet.

And I don't think he ever will.

- Harper?

Harper! Carmichael.

- Did you or did you not hear me give Mr.

Harper's in the final warning loud and clear?

- Um.

Yeah, I did.

- And now he banks off.

I've wasted the best years of my life on idiots like him.

Well, I'd go to make him pay for it.

- Yo, I forget and saw in a bid bike was a victimless crime.

You didn't tell us he was in trouble.

- Oh, poor Mr. Harper.

He gets such a bad rep.

It's what I was lifting.

- Shoplifting, but we don't want him to lose his job.

He's also selfish because of you.

What's not with my dicks forever?

- I'm sorry, okay.

Maybe I've been a little one-track minded of research, but let's find Mr. Harper.

I have him on find my mobile.

Don't ask why.

There we go, found him.

Where?

Doesn't seem to be moving though.

- He's probably just sad to bar.

- But he's nowhere near a pub.

- Oh.

- All right.

Inches, Warren, go find Mr. Harper.

You guys, when did you distract Miss Holburn till they get back?

- How are we gonna do that?

- I found a bucket list.

But we're gonna need our inventions.

- I hate it.

- Oh, I love this.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

- I'll say here and look out for mine.

- Oh, how is that gonna help?

- Don't question me.

Go.

Ah.

- David.

David.

David.

Don't you wanna wait?

You ain't better than me.

- How can he do this to me?

- All right, his name on the back of all of my okay England shirts.

- My arms trapped onto the bike.

- Oh, a phrase, a phrase, a try not to move it.

You'll only damage it further.

- Oh, you can cut it off.

- Of course, good idea, actually.

I know like in the film 127 hours.

- It's not even been 127 seconds.

- Or I can cut it off for you.

- You're not even trapped.

- Go and get help.

- Hell.

- Hell.

- No one is coming.

- Don't just stand there, Colonel.

- Please.

- This is finger-looking good.

- Boneless.

- Bant squirt.

- Till me now.

- You guys, I'm gonna hear her coming quick.

- I hope you don't mind.

But accidentally read your bucket list.

Stand up.

- Smash it.

- Hell, there he is.

- Oh, well, I appreciate that, but you see it's a bit of a bore in your lingo.

I'm a dead ting.

- No, you're not.

- Back to that top lip, I'm sure there's a man out there who'd want to smash.

- No, I mean, literally dead.

- Whoa.

- Now, there's only one thing I can hope to be remembered for.

Shipping off that foreign exchange student on the first flight to Rwanda.

- Well, if you actually are dying,

then maybe we can help to take something off your list.

- You've peaked my interest.

- Let's set a world record.

I mean, all the cool ones are taken,

but I'm sure we can do a dumb one, no, I'm less peaked.

- Oh, I guess you don't want this certificate then, huh?

- For eating your own body weight.

Incorination, keys.

- Where did you get all this from? - Mr.

Fraser emptied the freezer for his side's invention.

- Right, I'm gonna need a bib, a bucket, and a busload of beta blockers.

- For king!

- I'm a king!

- For king!

- For king!

- For king!

- There he is!

- Oh my god!

- Oh!

- Yes!

- Yes, you legends, right!

Help us out of here!

Let's go! - Mr.

Carmichael ain't gonna be happy, sir.

I think he was hoping to get us to put it back.

He was going to use it to pay for a blue tear.

- I mean, people need to know that he's better than him.

- Yeah, well, I don't care.

He sticks me right up.

- You've got enough chatty patty, man.

How are we gonna lift this team?

- With the kitten eels.

- Now, Mr. Carmichael never told me he's real awake.

- So, I set the upper limit to high, you know, in

case he has dense bones, and also in today's society.

- It's Lauren.

Get on with it.

- Okay, sure.

- In the words of Mr.

Carmichael, those kitties just put, huh?

- Help me up, Colonel.

- I will never wash this.

- No, no, no!

- God, no!

- Well done, one.

- Oh, this is awesome.

- Miss, miss, I haven't been miss open.

I am so, so sorry about today.

Look, the thing is, I really love this job, and I will do better.

I promise. - It's fine.

No time, I'm pretty sure.

- Wait.

- Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.

- And we shall!

- The Colonel finally wrote down the secret ingredient for me on this piece of paper.

- Huh?

- Oh, come on, no, no.

- Get my seat, my seat, come on, man.

- What's going on in here? - Mrs.

Swam for you, sir.

- I thought you'd be proud to see that.

- She's got the key sweats.

Are you trying to kill my brand?

- Oh, sorry, miss.

You are three slices old.

- No!

Stretch arms strong through me off my game with all these breathers.

- The leather.

I'm trying to turn this score into a winner.

- And how's that working up for you?

Look who's stopping the leaderboard.

The man who thinks greens are a class being drug.

- It must be a malfunction.

- Cheeky prick.

I mean, peddling all day.

- Oh!

- I've also been drinking solidly for the past three, four hours.

- Right, the deal is off, dicks.

Your app is more used to send Mr.

Harper, and that is really saying something.

- Whatever.

I can fix the dicks bit, but one thing I cannot

fix is this giant floating fat burger of a skull.

- Look, miss, everyone's chilling for you.

This could be part of your legacy.

- No pups detected, signals critical.

- I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.

That's your Philip Greens soil himself at a retail luncheon.

All those moments lost.

- Do you around it to release, miss?

It couldn't feel your pulse.

- Okay, nice.

Let's go, baby.

- Is this in the best day of my life?

- I'm sorry after you got under the beer bike.

I was thinking with my heart and not my head, but it's fine, I get it.

I forgive you.

- Thank you.

Most part is, I didn't even get this number.

- Well, go then, go and go after him.

- Wait, move, slow down, slow down.

Only bitches with no arse walk fast in, that ain't me.

- You know, it's a shame I didn't work out, see if I didn't.

I did really like it.

- Well, shame you know.

- God, I've worked out, I've worked out by getting the ache.

- What?

- It's boat shoes.

- Come on, three.

- Yay.

- Yeah, come on, see.

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