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You told me you'd lived there
your whole life
2
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We'd been chatting on a dating application
and had agreed to meet at an opening
3
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,533
I'd already been thinking
about sleeping with you
4
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:11,733
I googled you and found out
you were born 30 years before me
5
00:01:13,633 --> 00:01:17,833
I'd had fantasies about older men
since I was a teenager
6
00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,967
And now, far from home,
7
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I decided I was finally ready
to let myself fall in love with one
8
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It took me a moment to find you
even though you're tall
9
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We kissed outside the gallery
10
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It was awkward that first time
I'd had to stand on my tiptoes
11
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I touched your chest
12
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,533
And you invited me to your place
13
00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:52,533
Your touch was electric
14
00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:55,867
Your hands on my back,
neck, thighs, ass
15
00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:58,800
My lips around your tongue
16
00:01:59,433 --> 00:02:03,800
My fingers in your soft, thick hair
Your eyes locked on mine
17
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:09,933
The whole night,
under me, around me, inside me
18
00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:17,833
You disappeared
and came back a few minutes later
19
00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:21,200
to slip a piece of cheese
into my eager mouth
20
00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:29,733
A few weeks later,
I stopped paying rent
21
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:32,000
and I moved in with you
22
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,233
One morning,
I was brushing my teeth
23
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:40,500
when you pointed out
the hair I have on my upper arms
24
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I started shaving them
25
00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:48,000
You told me to start exercising
since I'd only be this age once
26
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:51,300
I wondered which birthday'd
27
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,500
be the one where you'd decide
that I'd gotten too old for you
28
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,400
Now it's summer
29
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,400
You're traveling and so am I
30
00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:07,233
You made no promises
about seeing me again
31
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,733
But I can't stop thinking about you
32
00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:17,733
Once I got to Chicago,
I started thinking about a film
33
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:24,167
I wrote on my dating profile,
inviting men to an audition
34
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:28,967
"Come to my studio and be on camera.
35
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,467
"You'll receive something in exchange.
36
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:35,000
"It could be sex or something else."
37
00:03:38,533 --> 00:03:42,367
The guys who came in
have agreed to act in a film with me
38
00:03:42,967 --> 00:03:45,333
They don't know what it'll be about
39
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:47,567
And neither do I
40
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:53,067
Maybe I'm making it in spite of you
41
00:03:55,833 --> 00:03:57,333
Or maybe it's for you
42
00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:10,433
What specifically is this for?
43
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,300
I'm a filmmaker...
44
00:04:17,033 --> 00:04:19,733
So there's no specific purpose...
45
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:22,000
It's just... I make films and...
46
00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:25,200
I'll talk in a second...
47
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:27,867
- I have to concentrate.
- Okay.
48
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,533
I'm just gonna frame this.
49
00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:32,967
Okay.
50
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,233
Looks good. Great.
51
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,867
And I'm gonna check on this one.
52
00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:44,167
- Need to shift this over a bit.
- Cool.
53
00:04:53,733 --> 00:04:55,300
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
54
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,000
Thanks for coming in.
55
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:02,067
In terms of Grindr,
I've been on Grindr for a while.
56
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:04,900
Met my husband on Grindr,
surprisingly.
57
00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:10,100
'Cause it's not really where you...
58
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,867
It's changed over the years.
You see more people there
59
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:18,100
looking for a relationship.
But like, "Dude, it's Grindr."
60
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,633
But it can happen...
61
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:21,633
But that wasn't the purpose.
62
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,133
Recently I've shifted.
63
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:25,833
I've gotten older.
64
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,500
My libido's
not what it used to be,
65
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:33,300
so I'm not horny all the time,
like I was when I was your age,
66
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,267
when we didn't have Grindr.
67
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,433
So I actually am interested
in meeting people
68
00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:43,133
just to talk
and meet new people.
69
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:44,967
We've lost that
70
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,667
art of the cruise.
Walking around, eyeing a guy...
71
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,000
Brushing up against him,
72
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:54,667
in a discreet or not-so-discreet way.
73
00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:56,833
Because we've got these apps.
74
00:05:57,033 --> 00:05:59,267
- You know Jackhammer?
- I don't.
75
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,800
It's a...
76
00:06:01,933 --> 00:06:03,867
bar. Like, just a bar.
77
00:06:04,033 --> 00:06:07,600
Jackhammer has a basement.
They call it "The Hole."
78
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,867
Of course.
79
00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:12,933
It's raunchy,
exactly what you'd expect.
80
00:06:13,033 --> 00:06:16,467
Those are things
that I'd never experienced...
81
00:06:16,867 --> 00:06:19,900
And had always been
a little wary of.
82
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:22,233
So a friend of mine
83
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,000
was just like, "We've gotta go."
84
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,533
Had that friend
been to those places before?
85
00:06:29,633 --> 00:06:32,333
Oh yeah. That's like, his thing.
86
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:35,067
But it's interesting to see
87
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:41,033
just demeanors...
and seeing people change
88
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:44,967
as they come down through a room
and strip.
89
00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:48,433
Like, seeing how
90
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:52,467
people kind of come alive
in those situations.
91
00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:55,100
You wanna do this interview naked?
92
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,700
No.
93
00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:00,833
I'm really like...
94
00:07:01,533 --> 00:07:03,500
If you want to, we can.
95
00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:06,033
That's all up to you.
96
00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:08,733
If you want to, I'm more than...
97
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,800
I'm comfortable doing it.
98
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,400
Yeah, let's go for it.
99
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,200
- Now we're naked.
- Now we're naked.
100
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:31,800
- Have you done these like this before?
- No.
101
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,833
I did two on Tuesday,
102
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,133
and I've done three so far today.
103
00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:39,567
I've got one afterwards.
104
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,433
We've been clothed for each of them.
105
00:07:44,067 --> 00:07:46,500
Is it awkward for you to be naked?
106
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:51,267
No.
There's a tension right now...
107
00:07:51,433 --> 00:07:53,833
different than with the other ones.
108
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,667
What kind of tension
do you think?
109
00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:01,367
Sorry, I keep staring.
110
00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,767
It's like I wanna touch it,
but...
111
00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:11,133
like, "I don't know how he'd take that,
if I'm like, 'Can I touch it?'"
112
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:13,967
That's all up to you.
113
00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:16,600
I think I'd feel uncomfortable.
114
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,833
- You from Chicago?
- Originally Alabama.
115
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,567
- What part?
- Small, little town...
116
00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:28,167
In the southeast.
117
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:30,933
I don't know.
I grew up in Atlanta.
118
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:34,800
It's like a 15-hour drive.
I do that if I take the dog.
119
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,867
You have a dog?
What kind?
120
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,300
English Bull, Boston Terrier mix.
121
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,467
- I love dogs.
- He's a big goofball.
122
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,900
- What's his name?
- Fatboy.
123
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:49,033
- He's still got his tail so it wags.
- A full tail? Nice!
124
00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:53,100
Let him keep his tail.
I haven't even neutered him.
125
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,933
He's five and a half.
126
00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:57,567
Does that cause any problems?
Really?
127
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,933
He's a bit more aggressive than normal,
but nah.
128
00:09:03,867 --> 00:09:07,233
- What part of town do you live in?
- Rogers Park.
129
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,000
- You?
- The West Loop.
130
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,167
It's like a 20-minute walk.
131
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,700
I just have
a small sublet, close...
132
00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:15,233
Not far from...
133
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,300
So...
134
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:22,533
You don't have to get dressed again,
135
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,933
but you might feel
uncomfortable going out with...
136
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,567
With a hard-on.
137
00:09:38,733 --> 00:09:41,133
I've got someone coming in at nine.
138
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,467
Could you sit right here?
139
00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,567
And you're taller than...
140
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:58,767
The last guy, so I'm gonna...
141
00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:00,367
See... Actually...
142
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,233
That actually works.
143
00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:04,233
Yeah... 6'4".
144
00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:08,767
Yeah, that works.
145
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:20,800
Do you have anything
you're itching to ask, to say?
146
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,767
You don't have to say anything.
147
00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:25,967
That's why we have the hanky code
148
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:29,300
- in the leather community.
- I'm not familiar.
149
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,967
That's a whole other conversation.
I can teach you!
150
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:37,567
- There's a leather convention in Chicago?
- You missed it.
151
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:42,933
I stayed with four pups,
men who wear dog masks with tails as dildos
152
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:46,867
and tails.
They walk around in chains often.
153
00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:49,100
Do they speak, if they're pups?
154
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,500
The pups? Yes and no.
I mean, they "ruff" a lot.
155
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,300
Someone asked me,
"How could you ever be a pup?"
156
00:10:56,400 --> 00:11:00,133
I said, "I'm not a pup,
but that you maybe would never
157
00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:06,033
"have to make a decision for yourself
is maybe sorta refreshing."
158
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:09,000
Like, you'd never
have to make a decision:
159
00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:12,200
"I need to go pee."
"Okay, go pee."
160
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,800
"I'm hungry."
"Okay, there's food."
161
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,733
Everything is done for you.
162
00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:22,033
That's sort of euphoric and sounds like
you're just a lazy bastard,
163
00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:23,833
but no, think about that:
164
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,700
- You're taken care of.
- I can see that.
165
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,300
It's sort of amazing.
166
00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:32,467
I've been into scruffy white guys.
167
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:35,333
My Scruff was just my Scruff.
It has...
168
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,333
A really adorable, like:
169
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:43,800
"Student getting his MFA, just moved here.
Be different from the guy beside you.
170
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:47,500
"I'm cerebral and smiley."
All these things, right?
171
00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:50,267
I'd have a shirtless photo
172
00:11:50,367 --> 00:11:54,667
with a goofy-ass hat on.
I'd have my thumbs up, and it's great.
173
00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:58,333
But it didn't stop statements like,
"Come rape me."
174
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:04,167
Or "I'd like you to come over
but you might scare the kids." Or, like...
175
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:07,367
"Give me that nigga dick now"
from white people.
176
00:12:07,467 --> 00:12:10,967
So I changed my profile:
"Stop asking me to rape you
177
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:15,433
"and offering money to sleep with you."
The comments stopped.
178
00:12:16,333 --> 00:12:21,200
People know it's bad. They see it
and they're like, "It's horrible."
179
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,800
But what do you do?
180
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:27,400
As an artist, I can't just blow 'em up
and put 'em in a gallery.
181
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:31,800
You have to make work about it.
You have to fix it for yourself.
182
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:37,433
As an artist, you have to make work about
something so tense to you.
183
00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:39,533
I would like to...
184
00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:42,467
Make a film...
185
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:46,600
Based on this conversation.
A piece of fiction I'll write...
186
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,400
based on our transcript.
187
00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:53,667
I'll contact you about when to shoot that,
if you're willing...
188
00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:55,400
Okay. Sure. Okay.
189
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,467
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
190
00:13:02,733 --> 00:13:05,367
I don't know how to turn this off.
191
00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:08,167
- I wish I knew how to use this.
- Here.
192
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,567
I just stopped recording.
To turn it off...
193
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,233
- Do you care about learning?
- Teach!
194
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,833
This toggle.
Switch it to the middle.
195
00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:21,300
Have fun with this project.
Don't try to define it.
196
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,167
- Let it define yourself.
- Don't let it?
197
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:28,067
No, let it define itself.
Don't try to define it.
198
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:05,033
Could you put that on right here.
199
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:08,433
String it through
wherever's convenient.
200
00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:11,567
When's the last time you came?
201
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,167
This morning.
202
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,167
You want me to come?
203
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:23,433
If that happens,
it'd be worth it to stay together.
204
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,033
Is that the line?
205
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:27,900
"If that happens, it's worth it..."
206
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,767
All right. One more time?
207
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,867
Closer than that?
208
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:38,533
Let's do one like that.
209
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,900
Want me to move up and down
as well?
210
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,933
- No.
- No? Just faces.
211
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:05,067
When was the last time you came?
212
00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:10,067
I think Saturday.
213
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:15,133
It's been a lot longer than Saturday
for me.
214
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,467
You wanna get naked?
215
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,700
You like that?
216
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,400
- I'm sorta scared.
- Why?
217
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,367
I dunno.
218
00:16:56,533 --> 00:16:59,033
- Want me to do anything else?
- No.
219
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:00,867
I wanna suck it.
220
00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:03,800
I think I'm done. Yeah.
221
00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:08,133
Finish this beer.
222
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:17,033
Are you gonna have yourself
be in all your films?
223
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:20,933
- I dunno.
- Okay. Just wondering.
224
00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:22,533
It seems...
225
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,333
I won't say odd.
226
00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:29,533
It is unusual. Part of it is...
227
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,667
Even as an artist, I am fairly private.
228
00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:38,533
I would hate for anyone
to see me in a film like that.
229
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:42,067
But I think...
you can also consider, like...
230
00:17:46,067 --> 00:17:47,567
"I am an actor."
231
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,933
- That what?
- I am an actor.
232
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:58,000
But I also think the minute that...
233
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:01,067
You're there and using your name,
234
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:04,833
everybody's gonna read everything
as autobiographical,
235
00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:06,933
'cause people do that anyway,
236
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:10,600
even if you had a different character
and an actor...
237
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:13,100
and named the person Bob.
238
00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:15,567
You're backing out, but...
239
00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:18,833
I'm not backing out
because I was never in!
240
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,833
I don't know if you understand...
241
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,567
How absolutely...
242
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,600
Skin-crawly the whole thing
243
00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:29,800
makes me feel.
244
00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:40,733
Anyway...
245
00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:44,767
Regardless of what we talk about,
I enjoy talking to you.
246
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,767
I love you, Mom.
247
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,667
Although now I feel suspicious
every time you say it.
248
00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,367
You're just saying that
to get on my good side!
249
00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:06,833
- But I do love you.
- I love you, Mom.
250
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,467
- Bye bye.
- Talk to you soon.
251
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,600
- What do you do?
- I'm an artist.
252
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,200
What kind of artist?
253
00:19:40,867 --> 00:19:42,367
Visual artist.
254
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:46,533
- Are you being evasive?
- You think so?
255
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:49,667
You're giving me
almost monosyllabic answers.
256
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:54,367
- What do you wanna know?
- What kind of artist are you?
257
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,967
I'm an artist! I make artwork.
258
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,800
Wow, that face.
259
00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:00,633
I make photography.
260
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,700
You gonna tell me
what your art's about?
261
00:20:08,933 --> 00:20:11,500
My art deals with visibility.
262
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,667
Visibility of what?
263
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,567
People.
264
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,000
All people?
265
00:20:23,633 --> 00:20:26,167
Very specific types of people.
266
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:29,067
All right.
267
00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:32,300
I think it's all people, really,
268
00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:36,467
but specifically the way
certain types of people are seen...
269
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,467
Or certain people
have the right to see.
270
00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:42,267
Who's texting?
271
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,200
Some dude.
272
00:20:47,467 --> 00:20:48,967
Yeah?
273
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:57,300
I'd like to see your photos.
274
00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:01,833
Maybe I'll take you
to my place sometime.
275
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,333
Not bad.
276
00:21:17,367 --> 00:21:19,467
Could you get undressed for me?
277
00:21:20,167 --> 00:21:21,667
Boxers, too.
278
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,967
Stop.
279
00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:31,967
Bow head first.
280
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:33,900
Down.
281
00:21:37,167 --> 00:21:38,667
Perfect.
282
00:21:48,533 --> 00:21:50,067
Can you get erect?
283
00:21:58,167 --> 00:22:00,933
I don't think I can get hard.
284
00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:07,833
- A different pose would help.
- Okay.
285
00:22:07,933 --> 00:22:09,433
Put these on.
286
00:22:12,900 --> 00:22:14,400
Stop.
287
00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:28,267
Keep going.
288
00:22:31,367 --> 00:22:32,867
Stop.
289
00:22:43,233 --> 00:22:46,400
What do you think you'll gain
by not listening?
290
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,000
I'm not listening?
291
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:51,000
You kept going. I said stop.
292
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,133
There must be miscommunication.
293
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,200
You look great.
294
00:23:10,467 --> 00:23:11,967
Okay, try again.
295
00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:23,633
I don't think I can get hard.
296
00:23:26,933 --> 00:23:28,633
I'm done shooting.
297
00:23:30,733 --> 00:23:32,233
I'm sorry.
298
00:23:38,267 --> 00:23:40,300
Doesn't really matter anyway.
299
00:24:17,933 --> 00:24:19,433
Where are you going?
300
00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:22,800
Does it matter?
301
00:24:24,133 --> 00:24:25,633
Why are you...? What...?
302
00:24:48,967 --> 00:24:51,167
I'm gonna go get some coffee.
303
00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:25,067
We had dinner with your ex in the spring
304
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:30,667
You went to the bathroom
and he asked how we'd met
305
00:25:30,767 --> 00:25:32,533
Online, I answered
306
00:25:33,433 --> 00:25:36,667
He said you were an inveterate flirt,
307
00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:39,667
you were unreliable, lascivious, unfaithful
308
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,533
you'd fuck anything that moved,
309
00:25:43,067 --> 00:25:44,667
you'd never change
310
00:25:47,733 --> 00:25:49,567
I believed that you could,
311
00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:51,567
that you would, for me
312
00:25:54,067 --> 00:25:56,767
You came back
and picked up the check
313
00:25:57,267 --> 00:25:59,833
We kissed your ex goodbye
on the cheek
314
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:02,400
but I couldn't look him in the eye
315
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,700
Later that night,
I told you I loved you
316
00:26:09,433 --> 00:26:13,467
I didn't know how you'd react,
I sort of mumbled it
317
00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:16,167
You looked uncomfortable
318
00:26:16,267 --> 00:26:19,200
I felt ashamed and we fell asleep
319
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,100
In the middle of the night
we had sex, fast
320
00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:29,733
You didn't look me in the eye,
321
00:26:30,167 --> 00:26:31,933
restrained my hands,
322
00:26:32,167 --> 00:26:34,067
turned my body away from you
323
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,000
I felt your affection again
when we fell back asleep
324
00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:42,933
Your heart under my ear
325
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:48,633
I tried to match our breathing
but yours was too fast
326
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:56,167
Goose Island or a Sweetwater?
327
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,800
We can drink whatever.
I don't care.
328
00:27:02,967 --> 00:27:06,333
I can chug beer,
but I can't chug wine.
329
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,167
Tried that once...
330
00:27:08,533 --> 00:27:10,100
Not a good ending.
331
00:27:26,233 --> 00:27:28,567
The most interesting thing is...
332
00:27:28,667 --> 00:27:30,167
This was the shirt...
333
00:27:30,267 --> 00:27:32,133
I came home from Iraq in.
334
00:27:34,733 --> 00:27:36,233
One, two, three...
335
00:27:44,300 --> 00:27:45,800
Someone's in the navy.
336
00:27:46,267 --> 00:27:50,733
The pictures in there?
That's of my classes that I taught at.
337
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,100
The first class...
338
00:27:54,133 --> 00:27:56,433
Where we're all wearing the blues...
339
00:27:56,533 --> 00:27:58,567
They're prior students,
340
00:27:58,667 --> 00:28:01,933
doing both mounted
and unmounted patrols...
341
00:28:03,233 --> 00:28:04,767
When you were in...
342
00:28:05,933 --> 00:28:08,700
- Iraq, you were a corpsman?
- Yeah.
343
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,067
Are you gonna be mad
if we don't...
344
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,100
No.
345
00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:24,100
I'm just gonna kiss you.
346
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,700
Just reciprocate if you want.
347
00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,333
What?
348
00:28:33,933 --> 00:28:35,667
Would you sing for me?
349
00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:39,633
If you get naked for me.
350
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:47,000
From the moment that we had
351
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:52,267
So way down in my mind
where you belong
352
00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:59,500
I'd go hungry,
I'd go blind for you
353
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,500
I'd go crawling down the avenue
354
00:29:07,633 --> 00:29:12,167
Make you happy,
make your dreams come true
355
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,667
To make you feel my...
356
00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:20,800
love
357
00:29:31,733 --> 00:29:35,067
I'd also say that
unless it's an ironic title,
358
00:29:35,167 --> 00:29:38,333
I don't think
it has anything to do about love.
359
00:29:38,433 --> 00:29:40,933
What do you think
it has to do with?
360
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:58,067
It's just a series of encounters
that don't have much meaning.
361
00:29:58,933 --> 00:30:01,167
Which I think you could say
362
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,267
is part of the way
that I'm looking at love.
363
00:30:04,367 --> 00:30:06,133
I don't think that's love.
364
00:30:06,233 --> 00:30:09,367
It's so sad it almost makes me cry.
365
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,633
It's like, you don't wanna know details
366
00:30:12,733 --> 00:30:15,367
about your parents' sexual life
367
00:30:15,467 --> 00:30:19,967
and you don't wanna know details
about your children's sexual life.
368
00:30:21,267 --> 00:30:23,633
But I would go even further:
369
00:30:23,733 --> 00:30:27,967
Basically, I don't wanna know
details of anybody's sexual life.
370
00:30:28,067 --> 00:30:32,067
I consider it the least
interesting part of anybody's life.
371
00:31:48,733 --> 00:31:50,233
Good morning.
372
00:31:53,467 --> 00:31:54,967
He woke me up.
373
00:31:55,133 --> 00:31:57,033
Did you wake him up, Fatboy?
374
00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:06,467
Let's put him up.
If not, he won't leave us alone.
375
00:32:06,567 --> 00:32:08,067
Say: "I'm a jealous...
376
00:32:08,167 --> 00:32:10,533
"jealous widdle puppy.
Yes, I am."
377
00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:26,400
How'd you sleep last night?
378
00:32:26,867 --> 00:32:28,367
Pretty well.
379
00:32:36,733 --> 00:32:38,800
I know you lied to me.
380
00:32:50,433 --> 00:32:51,933
What?
381
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,567
Are you dating someone just now?
382
00:33:00,667 --> 00:33:02,767
You were dating someone, right?
383
00:33:03,833 --> 00:33:08,000
- You guys were in a semi-pseudo-relationship?
- Yeah.
384
00:33:08,467 --> 00:33:12,300
It's complicated.
We're very rarely in the same place.
385
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,300
He's in Mexico City.
386
00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:25,900
Are you in a relationship?
387
00:33:26,567 --> 00:33:28,333
Nuh uh. I was and then...
388
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,900
Then it ended.
389
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,433
It was a week before I'd leave
for Chicago
390
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,700
You were downstairs making breakfast
391
00:33:47,867 --> 00:33:49,367
A Sunday morning
392
00:33:52,333 --> 00:33:54,833
Your phone was on the counter
393
00:33:54,933 --> 00:33:58,300
It was still buzzing
when I got out of the shower
394
00:33:59,700 --> 00:34:02,133
I picked it up and saw messages
395
00:34:02,233 --> 00:34:05,533
from someone begging
to have sex with you again
396
00:34:06,167 --> 00:34:09,267
You'd been texting at dinner
the night before
397
00:34:09,367 --> 00:34:11,200
with fire in your eyes
398
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,833
You hadn't looked at me like that
in a while
399
00:34:15,933 --> 00:34:19,967
And it hurt to remember
when it had been for me
400
00:34:23,033 --> 00:34:26,667
I came downstairs in my underwear,
gave you your phone
401
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,467
You said it'd just been a fling
402
00:34:31,567 --> 00:34:35,667
You could barely remember him,
you'd just been playing around
403
00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:37,533
There was no emotion in it
404
00:34:41,300 --> 00:34:44,667
Your throat had tightened,
your voice was soft
405
00:34:47,133 --> 00:34:50,367
You were kinder
than I'd ever seen you
406
00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:55,467
You said you'd ended
your last relationship
407
00:34:55,567 --> 00:34:58,267
because your ex
had been cheating on you
408
00:34:59,333 --> 00:35:00,833
A week later
409
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:05,300
you told me you'd cheated
on your ex before that for about a year
410
00:35:05,967 --> 00:35:09,333
That's when I started seeing other men
411
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:41,367
So our agreement is:
I don't bring anybody back to the house.
412
00:35:42,433 --> 00:35:45,567
I don't take away time
when my husband's home,
413
00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:48,633
'cause he's gone
from Monday to Thursday,
414
00:35:48,733 --> 00:35:52,600
so I don't fuck around
on Friday to Sunday.
415
00:35:52,933 --> 00:35:54,433
But there are times...
416
00:35:54,633 --> 00:35:56,133
It'd be nice to have...
417
00:35:56,933 --> 00:35:58,433
A friend...
418
00:35:59,367 --> 00:36:02,367
A friend with benefits also,
sometimes...
419
00:36:02,467 --> 00:36:05,900
That's something
I'm having to work out in my head:
420
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,667
"If we're friends and we're fucking...
421
00:36:09,867 --> 00:36:11,700
"How's that not an affair?"
422
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,167
The way I was thinking about it is:
423
00:36:14,267 --> 00:36:17,467
If the intention...
And intention does matter...
424
00:36:17,700 --> 00:36:20,933
If the intention is:
We're just gonna be friends
425
00:36:21,033 --> 00:36:25,000
who, once in a while,
suck each others' dicks, that's fine.
426
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,167
It was a surprise
seeing you the first time.
427
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,300
- Where'd it go?
- "Is that a good or bad thing?"
428
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,133
I'm not sure
that's a good or bad thing.
429
00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:43,667
You were the first guy
to whom I was attracted sexually.
430
00:36:43,767 --> 00:36:46,167
Is that the "suck the dick" line?
431
00:36:46,567 --> 00:36:48,067
I'm sorry...
432
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,900
"We can be...
433
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,567
- "Friends who, once in a while, suck..."
- Yeah, I know what it is.
434
00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:07,600
I need to look at you two
and get over the embarrassment
435
00:37:07,700 --> 00:37:10,667
of saying it
with straight boys in the room.
436
00:37:10,767 --> 00:37:13,933
"We're just..."
I can't say it in front of 'em!
437
00:37:14,100 --> 00:37:19,067
"We're just gonna be friends who
once in a while suck each other's dicks."
438
00:37:24,367 --> 00:37:25,867
Since Thursday...
439
00:37:26,100 --> 00:37:28,067
I've thought about you a lot.
440
00:37:29,233 --> 00:37:33,033
It began for me
when I got your script,
441
00:37:34,267 --> 00:37:36,367
and then you had that line...
442
00:37:37,667 --> 00:37:42,467
"You were the first guy who came in
to whom I was attracted sexually."
443
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,033
And I thought, "Well...
444
00:37:44,133 --> 00:37:47,067
"So there was a mutual attraction."
445
00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:49,867
I'm a little confused...
446
00:37:49,967 --> 00:37:52,733
I haven't felt this way
in a long time...
447
00:37:52,833 --> 00:37:54,333
I mean, a long time...
448
00:37:54,433 --> 00:37:58,000
Since-I-was-your-age long time.
So it's been a while.
449
00:37:58,167 --> 00:37:59,833
I love my husband a lot...
450
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,033
We have a great life together,
451
00:38:03,133 --> 00:38:05,267
and what I'm feeling for you...
452
00:38:05,433 --> 00:38:08,133
I don't know
that I want to have sex,
453
00:38:08,233 --> 00:38:10,133
but I do want to know you.
454
00:38:12,667 --> 00:38:14,167
Does that make sense?
455
00:38:14,533 --> 00:38:16,433
Yeah. I mean, it's mutual...
456
00:38:16,533 --> 00:38:20,533
That's a lie.
I do wanna have sex with you.
457
00:38:55,967 --> 00:38:59,200
What we're doing here...
What I'm doing here...
458
00:38:59,433 --> 00:39:01,633
is such a betrayal.
459
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,733
How often do you come out here?
460
00:39:14,233 --> 00:39:17,333
I try at least once a month,
sometimes twice.
461
00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:21,333
To get it ready to sell,
462
00:39:21,433 --> 00:39:26,533
I'm painting the outside,
though it needed it regardless.
463
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,500
Just trying to get it sold,
464
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,100
get rid of it.
465
00:39:52,133 --> 00:39:54,433
What made you wanna
come out here...
466
00:39:54,833 --> 00:39:56,333
With me?
467
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,900
Do you ever
let your beard grow out?
468
00:40:34,267 --> 00:40:35,767
Yes,
469
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:38,267
but...
470
00:40:39,433 --> 00:40:42,567
Iast time I did,
there was a lotta gray in it.
471
00:41:19,333 --> 00:41:21,833
You haven't texted in weeks
472
00:41:24,267 --> 00:41:28,100
I call you and explain
what I've been doing in Chicago:
473
00:41:29,767 --> 00:41:32,133
I chatted online with 900 men,
474
00:41:32,667 --> 00:41:34,133
met 12 in person,
475
00:41:35,167 --> 00:41:37,433
and am filming with a few of them
476
00:41:39,167 --> 00:41:41,733
Some of them
want to have sex with me
477
00:41:42,567 --> 00:41:46,400
I thought it'd feel good
to give them what they want
478
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:49,533
But I still can't sleep,
I'm not eating
479
00:41:49,667 --> 00:41:52,300
I don't feel right
about what I'm doing
480
00:41:54,033 --> 00:41:55,533
I stop talking
481
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,100
You seem distracted
482
00:42:01,267 --> 00:42:04,967
It looks like you're answering emails,
you keep typing
483
00:42:08,533 --> 00:42:10,967
You tell me I'm crazy and laugh
484
00:42:12,867 --> 00:42:14,833
I want your attention
485
00:42:16,667 --> 00:42:19,300
I want you to tell me to stop
486
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,033
So, my husband...
487
00:42:29,033 --> 00:42:30,533
He'll be...
488
00:42:31,267 --> 00:42:33,300
Back in a few minutes...
489
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:39,500
Do I need to leave?
490
00:42:48,100 --> 00:42:49,667
Not in the apartment.
491
00:42:49,767 --> 00:42:51,467
- Okay.
- Okay.
492
00:42:55,333 --> 00:42:56,833
For you...
493
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,700
To be honest...
494
00:43:07,967 --> 00:43:10,533
To be really, bluntly honest...
495
00:43:10,700 --> 00:43:14,967
This is just like completely narcissistic,
you know...
496
00:43:15,167 --> 00:43:17,600
"These are the guys I went out with...
497
00:43:17,900 --> 00:43:20,200
"And aren't I special?"
You know?
498
00:43:20,433 --> 00:43:24,467
'Cause in the film,
you're a monster, really!
499
00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:29,567
There's a real sense of you
using people when you make films.
500
00:43:29,667 --> 00:43:33,200
Why not just write a script
and hire actors?
501
00:43:33,367 --> 00:43:36,533
That's not a real normal thing
to do in life.
502
00:43:36,633 --> 00:43:40,333
It's like, "My personal life's
of great interest to me
503
00:43:40,433 --> 00:43:43,267
"so it must be
to everybody else,
504
00:43:43,367 --> 00:43:46,267
"so here it is."
It's almost like a comedy.
505
00:43:46,367 --> 00:43:48,267
For me, it is a comedy.
506
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,000
- Huh?
- It is a comedy.
507
00:43:51,433 --> 00:43:53,833
I'm not sure people will get it.
508
00:43:54,867 --> 00:43:57,067
So, you remember Miranda?
509
00:43:58,233 --> 00:44:00,100
So Miranda had an uncle,
510
00:44:01,433 --> 00:44:02,933
who...
511
00:44:04,767 --> 00:44:07,033
I think he died of AIDS
512
00:44:07,133 --> 00:44:11,267
just before she was born,
and he was gonna be her godfather.
513
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:15,300
He gave her a stuffed animal,
I think,
514
00:44:15,733 --> 00:44:17,833
and wrote her a letter...
515
00:44:21,667 --> 00:44:23,400
Basically saying that he...
516
00:44:23,867 --> 00:44:26,433
He loved her without knowing her,
517
00:44:27,067 --> 00:44:28,900
before she was born,
518
00:44:33,367 --> 00:44:37,200
I think there's something of that when...
519
00:44:38,367 --> 00:44:40,300
you kind of blindly...
520
00:44:43,267 --> 00:44:46,833
Want to put together something
that can be meaningful
521
00:44:46,933 --> 00:44:48,767
for people you don't know.
522
00:44:49,633 --> 00:44:53,167
You're supremely aware of
what image making is.
523
00:44:53,300 --> 00:44:54,800
Yeah.
524
00:44:54,933 --> 00:44:56,533
And how it can be...
525
00:44:58,700 --> 00:45:01,667
A betrayal,
but how it can also be...
526
00:45:01,967 --> 00:45:03,467
A gift.
527
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,700
A gift to whom?
528
00:45:18,733 --> 00:45:20,867
I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
529
00:45:25,433 --> 00:45:27,200
I was not performative...
530
00:45:28,067 --> 00:45:29,567
Sexually.
531
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,867
I really wish
that I had been into it
532
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:37,633
'cause I really like you.
I wish there was a possibility on my end.
533
00:45:37,733 --> 00:45:41,033
Something fucked up about me
prevented that.
534
00:45:41,133 --> 00:45:43,167
What do you think it was?
535
00:45:50,967 --> 00:45:53,733
I think it's 'cause you're young.
536
00:45:54,900 --> 00:45:57,500
I'm intimidated by people who are...
537
00:45:57,900 --> 00:46:00,200
My age, sexually. Not like...
538
00:46:00,300 --> 00:46:01,900
In terms of friendship.
539
00:46:02,100 --> 00:46:03,600
Interesting.
540
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,700
As much as I want that,
541
00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:12,400
my body's not doing that.
542
00:46:14,533 --> 00:46:17,433
- Okay.
- Have you thought about that?
543
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,700
Why you'd be intimidated by someone
who's more your age than...
544
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:26,100
Someone who's less your age...
or more than your age.
545
00:46:30,267 --> 00:46:34,833
This guy's in for a good night.
I sleep older, too. It's great.
546
00:46:40,267 --> 00:46:44,300
I'd love to hear
why you're attracted to him.
547
00:46:46,367 --> 00:46:49,400
- You're thinking too long.
- Am I?
548
00:46:53,067 --> 00:46:55,767
You said to me,
when we first met:
549
00:46:55,867 --> 00:46:59,900
"I try not to have expectations..."
I have granola in my hair.
550
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:03,733
"...because expectations create frustration
551
00:47:03,833 --> 00:47:05,933
"and lead to disappointment."
552
00:47:06,033 --> 00:47:10,667
Which struck me as wise.
I was like, "Wow! You're really wise."
553
00:47:10,767 --> 00:47:12,667
And then you came out with
554
00:47:12,767 --> 00:47:15,933
- all these expectations.
- Okay, good.
555
00:47:16,033 --> 00:47:20,400
I disappointed you, and I'm confused
about what's between us now.
556
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,300
What was it that you wanted?
557
00:47:26,767 --> 00:47:28,267
I wanted him!
558
00:47:32,567 --> 00:47:36,400
I think you being explicit about it
made me not want it.
559
00:47:38,633 --> 00:47:40,633
Maybe that was fair, I mean...
560
00:47:41,667 --> 00:47:45,167
Just 'cause I want it
doesn't mean you want it.
561
00:47:45,267 --> 00:47:48,233
I'm curious
why you wanna work this out now.
562
00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:49,833
If you didn't want it...
563
00:47:50,167 --> 00:47:51,867
I didn't force it on you,
564
00:47:51,967 --> 00:47:56,000
like you didn't force us to be here.
Why...what is this?
565
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,900
Part of the truth
in his being obtuse is...
566
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,900
in the artist's mind:
567
00:48:07,067 --> 00:48:10,100
You make something
and figure it out later.
568
00:48:12,733 --> 00:48:14,233
You... I think...
569
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,633
like the idea of not having...
570
00:48:20,867 --> 00:48:22,367
A script.
571
00:48:22,467 --> 00:48:26,200
You create scripts,
but you like not having a script...
572
00:48:26,300 --> 00:48:27,800
There is this...
573
00:48:29,300 --> 00:48:32,533
artistic persona
that I find bothersome:
574
00:48:34,267 --> 00:48:37,267
that finding meaning after the fact.
575
00:48:38,267 --> 00:48:42,867
There might be meaning after,
but there had to be some impetus.
576
00:48:43,367 --> 00:48:46,000
We don't do things without impetus.
577
00:49:26,567 --> 00:49:31,433
As soon as I'm alone again,
you creep back into my thoughts
578
00:49:36,167 --> 00:49:38,767
I ask you to visit me in Chicago
579
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:41,567
You come for a few days,
580
00:49:42,133 --> 00:49:43,633
book us a hotel
581
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,700
I'm excited to see you again
582
00:49:48,367 --> 00:49:50,700
but you're texting the whole time
583
00:49:52,500 --> 00:49:55,800
We get to the room, though,
and it all comes back
584
00:49:57,500 --> 00:49:59,367
I can't control myself
585
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,300
I need you
586
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,500
I'll do anything for you
587
00:50:08,133 --> 00:50:12,900
The morning you're flying back,
I wake up and see you on your phone
588
00:50:14,567 --> 00:50:18,767
You're making plans to see sometime
in Mexico after you land:
589
00:50:19,633 --> 00:50:22,400
"I can't wait to taste you again"
590
00:50:25,467 --> 00:50:27,033
You go to shower
591
00:50:27,133 --> 00:50:29,900
and I read other messages
you've written:
592
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:34,033
"I can't stop thinking about you"
"Stay the night"
593
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,600
"I'll make you breakfast tomorrow"
594
00:50:40,367 --> 00:50:44,267
I copy your message thread
and email it to myself
595
00:50:45,833 --> 00:50:47,333
You kiss me,
596
00:50:47,833 --> 00:50:49,333
leave the hotel room,
597
00:50:49,867 --> 00:50:51,367
and fly back to Mexico
598
00:50:54,500 --> 00:50:56,867
I read your messages over and over,
599
00:50:58,300 --> 00:51:01,667
my face tightening so hard I can't cry
600
00:51:28,967 --> 00:51:30,467
Thank you.
601
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:41,433
- It's the boy. Wanna talk to him?
- What?
602
00:51:41,533 --> 00:51:44,300
It's the child,
if you wanna talk to him.
603
00:51:45,133 --> 00:51:46,633
Oh, okay.
604
00:51:47,767 --> 00:51:51,467
- Too busy to talk?
- No, not at all.
605
00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:54,567
- Here she is.
- Thanks, Dad.
606
00:51:56,567 --> 00:51:58,933
- Hola?
- Hey Mom. How's it going?
607
00:51:59,967 --> 00:52:02,333
- Okay. You?
- I'm doing all right.
608
00:52:03,467 --> 00:52:04,967
It's hot.
609
00:52:05,367 --> 00:52:08,000
Do you remember the guy
who is married?
610
00:52:09,733 --> 00:52:11,900
- No.
- Okay. Well, in the film.
611
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,967
- Not really.
- Okay. Well, he sent me...
612
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:21,700
yesterday...
613
00:52:23,700 --> 00:52:25,400
Basically, anyway...
614
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:27,767
He sent me this message yesterday
615
00:52:27,867 --> 00:52:29,367
that was...
616
00:52:31,333 --> 00:52:32,833
Really...
617
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,600
Bizarre but also maybe...
it felt calculated...
618
00:52:39,233 --> 00:52:40,733
It was:
619
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:45,667
"I don't have time for your
project anymore. Good luck...
620
00:52:45,767 --> 00:52:51,333
"I was only in it to fuck you again. That's
not happening. My interest's dried up."
621
00:52:54,700 --> 00:52:56,200
Which...
622
00:52:59,333 --> 00:53:00,833
I think...
623
00:53:03,300 --> 00:53:06,133
I don't know.
I'm still thinking about it.
624
00:53:09,567 --> 00:53:14,600
I guess it's only to be expected
when trying to use real people.
625
00:53:14,700 --> 00:53:17,467
Real people do unexpected things.
626
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,833
Whether you're on camera,
off camera,
627
00:54:01,267 --> 00:54:02,767
there's always...
628
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,076
a certain level of manipulation
in any type of...
629
00:54:07,100 --> 00:54:09,200
relationship, regardless,
630
00:54:09,300 --> 00:54:10,800
whether it be...
631
00:54:11,700 --> 00:54:13,767
intentional, non-intentional...
632
00:54:13,867 --> 00:54:15,533
Or just to protect.
633
00:54:16,733 --> 00:54:19,200
'Cause it's funny, it's like...
634
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,633
I don't care if I get naked
in front of anybody.
635
00:54:23,733 --> 00:54:26,567
I don't care.
Does not bother me one bit.
636
00:54:26,667 --> 00:54:29,667
But I won't put myself out there
that much.
637
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:31,367
'Cause when you kinda...
638
00:54:31,467 --> 00:54:33,633
Throw it all on the table,
639
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,433
sometimes people get burned.
640
00:54:41,900 --> 00:54:45,067
There is something there
between the two of us.
641
00:54:45,167 --> 00:54:48,667
Definitely sexual tension,
from almost the moment...
642
00:54:51,300 --> 00:54:54,233
But there is some attraction
between us.
643
00:54:55,433 --> 00:54:57,333
Where that's at, not sure.
644
00:54:57,433 --> 00:55:00,400
If it's just curiosity or what it is,
but...
645
00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:03,333
There is something more than
just sex.
646
00:55:03,433 --> 00:55:08,000
- Does that feel like it's key for you?
- No, not really, but...
647
00:55:08,167 --> 00:55:10,433
it's the icing on the cake.
648
00:55:13,167 --> 00:55:15,467
If it doesn't happen...
649
00:55:15,567 --> 00:55:19,200
It's not gonna be like,
"Don't talk to me ever again."
650
00:55:19,300 --> 00:55:20,800
But if it does,
651
00:55:22,967 --> 00:55:25,667
the more the merrier,
so to speak.
652
00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:29,167
You've been here for...
653
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,667
about 30 minutes and we still...
654
00:55:31,767 --> 00:55:34,100
We still both have our clothes on.
655
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:36,900
It's a record!
656
00:55:48,967 --> 00:55:50,467
Fatboy!
657
00:56:04,900 --> 00:56:06,400
No, Fatboy!
658
00:56:31,033 --> 00:56:32,500
I see a bit of it.
659
00:56:32,900 --> 00:56:36,600
Then I've got one
where I almost cut off my knuckle.
660
00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:38,267
Which knuckle was that?
661
00:56:38,933 --> 00:56:40,433
Oh, here also?
662
00:56:40,533 --> 00:56:44,067
Opening beer bottles
when I used to bartend.
663
00:56:44,333 --> 00:56:46,267
I fell directly on my chin.
664
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,833
And it was cold, so I didn't notice.
665
00:56:50,700 --> 00:56:53,033
Either my parents or my friends...
666
00:56:53,667 --> 00:56:55,167
Said:
667
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:58,500
"Are you hurt?"
668
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:02,500
Behind me,
I'd left a stream of blood on the ice.
669
00:57:03,533 --> 00:57:07,400
Me and my brother were sword-fighting.
He smacked me.
670
00:57:07,500 --> 00:57:10,867
I needed stitches
but didn't have any money
671
00:57:10,967 --> 00:57:13,033
so we just cleaned it out.
672
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:18,200
We were playing in the barn.
I slipped off the hay bale,
673
00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:21,100
and a piece of wood
went into my leg.
674
00:57:24,767 --> 00:57:28,333
- How'd you pull it out?
- We just pulled it out.
675
00:57:28,433 --> 00:57:32,200
My mom had to cut it
to get all the wood out.
676
00:57:41,933 --> 00:57:44,567
So are you going back?
I didn't know.
677
00:57:45,967 --> 00:57:47,600
I'm leaving on Saturday.
678
00:58:33,100 --> 00:58:36,267
- That's the charm of it for me.
- I feel that.
679
00:58:36,967 --> 00:58:39,067
You get to see different parts.
680
00:58:40,433 --> 00:58:43,733
Tonight, I've been to Elmwood Park.
681
00:58:44,133 --> 00:58:46,767
I don't know.
I'm not from Chicago.
682
00:58:46,867 --> 00:58:48,367
Basically, it's...
683
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:54,467
north and west of the city,
right on the border.
684
00:59:41,267 --> 00:59:43,667
Somebody tried to put it in me.
685
00:59:50,067 --> 00:59:51,700
It's like that...
686
00:59:52,933 --> 00:59:55,433
quiet... intense lurking...
687
00:59:58,033 --> 01:00:00,267
Somebody's over there behind you.
688
01:00:00,967 --> 01:00:03,900
Somebody's off in the shadows...
689
01:00:08,133 --> 01:00:12,400
It's interesting how hard it is
to be invisible.
690
01:00:36,100 --> 01:00:38,000
Today's my birthday.
691
01:01:06,533 --> 01:01:10,900
I've boarded a plane to Paris
where I'll be teaching in the fall
692
01:01:14,700 --> 01:01:16,200
You text me,
693
01:01:17,967 --> 01:01:21,000
ask me to spend New Year's with you
694
01:01:22,633 --> 01:01:24,133
It's too late
695
01:01:25,667 --> 01:01:29,167
I've already made plans
to spend it with another man
696
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:34,700
A moment passes
697
01:01:38,667 --> 01:01:40,167
You write me:
698
01:01:41,633 --> 01:01:43,133
"1,877"
699
01:01:44,267 --> 01:01:46,467
"I'm not seeing anyone"
700
01:01:46,567 --> 01:01:48,067
"I'm crying"
701
01:01:49,667 --> 01:01:51,167
"1,877"
702
01:01:52,633 --> 01:01:54,133
You write again
703
01:01:54,833 --> 01:02:00,667
"That's the number of attachments we've
sent each other since I got a new phone"
704
01:02:00,767 --> 01:02:03,033
"1,877, I just checked"
705
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:07,700
You keep writing:
706
01:02:08,633 --> 01:02:11,533
"Why did you talk to me every day?"
707
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:14,633
"Why did we keep having sex?"
708
01:02:15,033 --> 01:02:17,700
"Why did you give me hope?"
709
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,500
"1,877 attachments"
710
01:02:22,533 --> 01:02:27,033
"I didn't need to find someone else
I'm destroyed"
711
01:02:28,333 --> 01:02:32,567
"1,877 staples I now have to tear
off my heart"
712
01:02:34,567 --> 01:02:36,933
"Our bodies are so good together"
713
01:02:37,033 --> 01:02:39,400
"I can't imagine life without you"
714
01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:41,733
"Call me, please"
715
01:02:42,333 --> 01:02:44,367
"I love you"
716
01:02:44,467 --> 01:02:46,633
"1,877"
717
01:03:56,600 --> 01:04:00,967
You're still typing when my
flight takes off and I lose service
718
01:04:07,700 --> 01:04:11,400
Recently, you said
you'd really like somebody
719
01:04:11,500 --> 01:04:15,333
you formed a long-term relationship with...
720
01:04:15,567 --> 01:04:17,067
Yeah.
721
01:04:17,967 --> 01:04:21,500
That's not a thrill-a-minute proposition.
722
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:25,367
The thrill-a-minute stuff,
you get out of your system
723
01:04:25,467 --> 01:04:29,000
- when you're a teenager.
- In your twenties?
724
01:04:29,833 --> 01:04:32,400
- Pardon?
- In your twenties.
725
01:04:32,633 --> 01:04:34,133
Well, yeah.
726
01:04:35,233 --> 01:04:38,667
A lot of people
don't get what they want because
727
01:04:38,767 --> 01:04:42,667
they're looking for something dramatic
like in the movies.
728
01:04:42,767 --> 01:04:45,600
But it's not an all-the-time thing
729
01:04:45,900 --> 01:04:48,000
that works constantly.
730
01:04:48,700 --> 01:04:52,400
To be honest,
one time when I left your dad,
731
01:04:52,500 --> 01:04:57,100
I thought about it for four months
to decide whether to go back.
732
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:02,400
And I finally decided.
And the deciding factor was...
733
01:05:03,233 --> 01:05:07,267
That I liked traveling with Dad
more than I liked traveling
734
01:05:07,367 --> 01:05:10,367
with anybody else
I'd gone traveling with.
735
01:05:13,633 --> 01:05:15,133
I love that.
736
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:19,833
We're compatible on the road.
It's great!
737
01:05:22,967 --> 01:05:25,100
In the film and in your life,
738
01:05:25,300 --> 01:05:29,233
I want you to
do whatever you have to do.
739
01:05:29,533 --> 01:05:31,867
Don't do anything because you want
740
01:05:36,267 --> 01:05:39,967
to please me or actually anybody else.
741
01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:43,633
Just think long and hard about
what you're doing,
742
01:05:43,733 --> 01:05:48,567
and what the consequences are going to be.
Will you be happy with them?
743
01:05:48,667 --> 01:05:51,367
I appreciate you saying that, Mom.
744
01:05:55,333 --> 01:05:58,433
It crystallizes a lot of how
you raised me,
745
01:05:58,533 --> 01:06:00,533
and I'm grateful for that.
746
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:03,700
Well.
747
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:09,700
Yeah. Whatever.
748
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,567
I fly to Mexico for work
749
01:06:33,433 --> 01:06:35,033
I want to see you again
750
01:06:36,433 --> 01:06:37,933
And you do, too
751
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:43,367
I'm exhausted but full of adrenaline
752
01:06:44,633 --> 01:06:46,133
You open the door
753
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:47,900
Tall and quiet
754
01:06:49,467 --> 01:06:50,967
Gentle
755
01:06:53,867 --> 01:06:56,300
You say it's a surprise seeing me
756
01:06:58,533 --> 01:07:00,633
Your beard has grown out
757
01:07:00,733 --> 01:07:02,300
You know I like that
758
01:07:04,167 --> 01:07:05,867
We walk up the steps
759
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:08,833
You try to take one of my bags
760
01:07:09,300 --> 01:07:11,967
but it's easier to let me carry it
761
01:07:16,067 --> 01:07:17,933
Your house and your body,
762
01:07:18,967 --> 01:07:20,567
the same but different
763
01:07:22,833 --> 01:07:25,000
A new clearing in the garden
764
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:28,367
An unfamiliar painting in your bedroom
765
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:34,033
You wear a white cardigan
I've never seen before
766
01:07:36,467 --> 01:07:38,033
You taste the same
767
01:07:43,267 --> 01:07:45,767
We use your phone to film each other
768
01:07:47,833 --> 01:07:50,533
And we make love
better than ever before
769
01:07:55,667 --> 01:07:57,200
You know my body
770
01:07:59,733 --> 01:08:01,233
How it moves
771
01:08:02,033 --> 01:08:03,533
What I like
772
01:08:03,633 --> 01:08:05,133
Dislike
773
01:08:05,567 --> 01:08:07,067
What I hate
774
01:08:08,967 --> 01:08:10,467
What I love
775
01:08:19,500 --> 01:08:21,800
You show me what we recorded
776
01:08:22,867 --> 01:08:25,467
And I ask you to send it to me
777
01:08:27,833 --> 01:08:29,333
1,878
56894
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