Original subtitles

- I would like to go on record to say that this attack is both homophobic and - unjust. Quinn Goodman Please report to the principal's office. This is a gays only event. Go home. Swimming in my T-shirts, no matterthe weather, say what you mean I wanna be with you. I see you in the water, straps on your glasses. Say what you mean. - I wanna be with you. I can't take it. All I want's right in front of you. I can't fake this. Say what you mean I wanna - Be with you - I know my shit's weird - And I live in the suburbs And it's almost unnaturalhow lame I act around you. - The principal's office. Quinn Goodman, please report to the principal's office. - The Bard's most famous work. Truly the most influentialromantic poem of our time. Sonnet 18. A beautifultender ode to his lover. Oh, what a lucky girl. Therecipient must have been, - Excuse me, sorry. Hi. This poem - Isn't about a girl. - Of course it is- Line six. And often is his gold complexion dimmed ? - I'm afraid you're mistaken. The pronoun refers to the sun's traditionallymasculine energy. - The sun is a ball of plasma. You are literally gendering plasma. - Perhaps you are misunderstandingthe literary traditions that influenced this piece. Perhaps - You are misunderstandinghow gay Shakespeare was. - Homosexuality was coinedonly in the 19th century. Then - How come it wascriminalized in the 12th? Yeah, I don't think a lackof words stopped anyone. - Were you alive in the12th century, Ms. Mendez? - I wish. Imagine gettingburned at the stake. Goals. - I for o ne would be- Lobotomized. That's - Beautiful. If it makes any difference to you. Shakespeare happily fellin love with a woman. Nothing questionable. - Mr. Collins, have you ever been in love? Oh wait, you're a highschool English teacher. When it comes to themost influential writers of romantic literature, - None of the greats are straight. Walt - Whitman, Audrey Lorde, Oscar Wild James Baldwin. Just to - Name a few. You - Know the Soviets viewed gay sex as a luxurious productof capitalist culture. - How did they know it was so luxurious. - Guess they had to stay warm somehow. - Are you done?- Yeah. Not at all. You know, I think Mr. Collins is in love with William Shakespeare. - Not today, and certainlynot in the 17th century. - Well, they hired you in the 17th century by the looks of it. - Nice.- Where were we? - Ah,- Sonnet 18. Has everyone read through thepoem in its entirety? The gay - Poem? - It's not a gay poem. A poem can't be gay and neither can he. - Gay poem. Gay poem. It's- Not - Gay. Yeah. Not how lesbians work. Hi. Do you need me Any assistance? I mean, we're fine. Thank you. That's a personal L onyour part. You sure? We are here for Mr. Hale. Names? Ow. Quinn Goodman.Sara. S-A-R-A-I. Mendez. Sarai - Cohen. - First name?- Mm. Their first name is? - No, it's just Cohen. - Ooh, I sorry.- It's Linda, right? - No.- Hmm. Well, hi Linda. I'm Mickey and I wouldlike to introduce you to Far Water High's Gay Straight Alliance. - We have a gay straight alliance? - What was it? This time- I - Would like to go on record to say that this attack is bothhomophobic and unjust. - Oh, would that be as unjust as the time when you yelled And I quote, this is a gays only event. Go home at the school musical. - That is a baseless accusation. - This is about the football team. I only set off those fireworks because they accused me of putting glitter in their body. Wash. - Did you put glitter in their body wash? Yeah. What happened? - Shakespeare was super gay. The subject - Of song 18 has long been undisputed. It was addressed to a youngman. And Mr. Collins should - Know that Mr. Collins hastaught it far water far longer than any of you've beenaround a complaint about it. He wield a considerabledeal of credibility and none of your little conspiracy theories are gonna change that. - That's not a conspiracy theory. - We've been clear from the start. Far Water has a three strikeout policy. This is GSA third strike. So I'm giving you a choice. Diversify your lineup or you're done. - You're joking- Straight People play nice with them and your little club can stay. - What- Exactly are you saying? - Double your membership in two weeks. Stop disrupting our social functions and keep it down in our classrooms. You people need to pullyourselves together. - God. Okay, look, 3000 years ago, Shakespeare was born, right? And then he was a fileting homosexual. How is any of that our fault? - Two weeks. That's- Not fair. - The world isn't fair. Why don't you start withequal representations? - It's hard coming from you.- Get outta my office. Get out. - No one is rushing out thefront door to pick me up from the local department store. And I guess that's fine. I guess that's - Fine. - I've been lying- Outta feed - Of these deals soon. - They've- Been the same. - When- Quin, you don't get out here, I'm gonna ride an exposeon you for right bar. Hey cutie. Hey baby. So you're from Tennessee 'causeyou're like a seven at best. Rude. We gotta stop doing this or someone's gonnathink that we're dating. What about my boyfriend? Okay, $4 name a man you date. I'm waiting. Come. He shall me. He's supposed to be cute, right? Yeah, he does maintain homeostasis.Apparently be had a row. Do you think GSA will be canceled?Wait a lighten. The mood. I just think we should talkabout it. Good one for one. We shouldn't have scaredaway. All the freshman gaze chanting sacrifice probablywasn't the best gazing ritual. What did they want us to chant? We just need to relate to the kids more. Like what do you know aboutk-pop? Literally nothing. Chairman's team. What? Mys's Mary Kay, the white one. Obviously, my God, I wish that were me, - Romeo and Juliet through the centuries. Since its famed author gracedour planet in the 16 hundreds. The classic telling of ourworld's finest romance has captured the hearts ofyoung men and women alike. Please turn to page 34. That's enough from thissection of the room. Thank you very much. Who will be our Romeo? Wonderful. Really livingup to your name there. And who will be our Juliet. - Okay, Mr. Collins. It has to be me. I've had her lines memorizedsince I was 10 years old. I was lead Quinn. Ew. - It's acting Quinn. - Oh, I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away. I've never acted in my life and I - But soft. What? Light through yonder window breaks. It is the east and Julietis the sun a rise, fair sun. Kill the envious moon. Who is already sick and pale with grief. Twin. What's soft? What light?Three under window breaks. It is the east. It is the east. And Juliet is the son. A rise Fair son. Killed the envious moonwho was already sick and pale with grief. Quin. Quin. - Yeah.- We're supposed to kiss now. - Legally.- He can't make us do that. - Will what did that performance show us? - That Quinn can't act for shit. False. - They acted straight for- 12 years. Oh, that's true. - What did you think of the scene, Quinn? - It's a play. Certainly. Careful - Now. Your little club is alreadyon the line as it is. - Thanks to you. We havetwo weeks of immunity. We attempted to free theclass from your traditional constraints on societalteachings and we were rewarded. - Do- You have a problem with me or is it with Shakespeare himself? - Hey, Shakespeare wrote multiple plays that had todo with identity. So how - Could he have done thatwithout questioning his - Own? - Take a seat.- Excuse - Me. Excuse me. I'm surprised. Excuse me. Wait. Oh hi. We're theGay Straight Alliance. You might have heard of us. You know, we're massively influential. You - Know, I don't usually work with groups. - Well, we're very codependent. - Not really something to self-diagnose. - Come on, you're a counselor. You must get the gaysin here all the time. - The gays are very depressed. That's - Tea. - It's not something I can really disclose about other students though. - Have you met our matriarch? Quinn Goodman Fiercely forgedthe underground Gay Straight Alliance as geography club taking the rest of us under their wing. God, I love lesbians. - How did y'all meet Quinn?- They're annoying. - Well, LA Elia wanted me tofind a good Colombian boy, but - Y'all fucked that one up. Oh yeah. 'cause we love the straight Riva. I have to kiss my Luke poster every night before I go to bed. Ri right? So so - Did you all meet in geography club - More like the bathroom? - Yeah. We were seriously freakedout by all the pride flags and sought saws in the onegender neutral bathroom. - Shockingly, we were the only ones in there that weren't jeweling. True. - And then- We got slushies. - That was a good thing.- It's all over in two weeks anyway. - What's happening in two weeks? - Love's canceled. Unlesswe talk to straight people. - Why don't you wanna hangout with straight people? I don't know. Diseaseto save the club. Oh. Oh - Wait. No, she has a point. - So you're gonna fightfor the club? I mean, - I'm not busy ladies, gentlemen. And those of you whoknow better. Yes, Sara. I, I want a girlfriend. Oh,honey, we know. Listen up. We have two weeks to doubleour numbers. I'm sure Mr. Ham was counted. So I'lljust take attendance. Sara, I I talked to youlike two seconds ago. Mickey, where is Mickey? Grindr - Hookup went through- Crying again. - Yeah. Zelle here. Cohen. - Quinn. Yes. Cohen. Our school's Gay StrayAlliance has been around for three years whereit's only members. That - Is not true. You in the back. Oh, I, I'm,I'm just doing my homework. I'm straight. Please,please don't hurt me. You don't have to say that thisis a safe space. She's gone. I have straight friends. I could walk into that hallway right now and find a multitude of straight friends. - Okay, well why don't you go and get them - Fine Quinn. Yeah. You know - That woman who likelived with the monkeys? Well she said that tolive in the wild you have to become the wild. - Are you saying what?I think you're saying - We should become - Kelsey Nielsen soft bush. This is sell from lemonade mouth erasure. She's played by hay like Kyoko. Therefore our views are biased. Now Shane from Camp Rock Twk. - Mm. Hybo- King Shane was not a mbo. If anything, Jason was. This is - Early 2000. Jonas brothers. They're - All MBOs. Well, if you choose, assume they're not currently still MBOs. Okay. Okay. Okay. Pleasetake out your phones for a Kahoot. Is everyone ready? - The modern smartphoneis just so bourgeoisie. - It's okay. Cohen. We allknow you have an Android. - Quinn. Quinn, are youforgetting something? - Our club has had tocollapse in 312 hours. - No one asked.- It feels like someone's avoiding this because someone's upsetabout someone's club - Collapsing. GSA is not collapsing. - GSA is kind of collapsing. We're - Smart. We can handle this. - Smart. Remember when we allforgot the word for horses? We call them big dogs for an entire week. - Okay. Six days. - We just have to get inside the minds of the other. Find out what they like. - Well, it's like- Astrology, but for straight people. - Christianity.- Oh, and the economy is like astrology. But for straight men, God, - I did not come out justto have to be into stocks. - Wait. Oh my god.- I got it. - The mother of all tropes. - He's in early two thousands movies being wily murdered. No, the other - One. Are you expecting us to know what you're talking about? No one ever - Knows what you're talking about. You look gay. - You- Can't infiltrate street society - If you're not cute. - Yeah. Playing on combat boots. You don't look at alllike you enjoying nineties TV shows about witches. - Wait, you know, we like Yeah. - Sfo. 'cause y'all are so- Slick. Okay, can we review the plan? Yes. - One, we follow theheaders around for a week. Two, we draw them into GSAwith our sheer magnetism. Three, they bring their friends and - Boom. And if anyone asks, thisis not a pyramid scheme. - Three o'clock girl in thumb shirt. - Hey.- Hey. Do you wanna gay? Best friend? - Sorry, I'm not, you- Know - Your shirt? - Yeah.- Do you know what it means? - Are you from business club?- Do - We look? No. We're the gay straight alliance and we are in danger of hate. - And she's gone.- This is hopeless. GOA will collapse. I'll never find love. I'll have to marry a man. - Quinn,- We'll probably hunt for sport. Showtime my listen withso much red hot. Hey. Hi. I'm lesbians. And we're Quinn. I mean,I'm, I'm I'm Quinn. And we're lesbians. You knewthat. It's on the poster. Cool. You want a form? Sure. What, what is the, the name you possess, - I apologize. And I will translate forthem. What is your name? - Olivia. - Olivia. Great name.I had an aunt named Olivia. She died from old age.She wasn't murdered. - Girls - Just fill thatand we'll get you picked up. - Okay? Thanks. - Are you alive? What? Theloca top straight to the brain. Did I just tell a hot girlabout my dead aunt? Yep. Fuck. - It's okay. She's probablynot running away in terror. It's more like a light jog. - Why am I so gay? I ask myself that everymorning. What do I do? - Have you ever consideredbecoming a cloistered nun? I feel like a vow of silencewould do wonders for you. - It's not like you had a chance. - Totally- Straight. Not straight. She's definitely straight. Go for that. And you'll end upsmothered in her mother's. God bless this country. Cross stitch. And what do we do about a girlwith no chance of being gay? We walk away. That's right. Hey, don't - Worry. Things will get easier whenthe restraining order comes in. So basically if you justlook at like ice skating. - All right, take thename Homos by erasure - Bullshit. - Grant Fleming.- Oh my God. - Isn't he a furry? - The one that got away the furry look. Freshman year, homecoming, our eyes met from across the dance hall. In the bathroom our lips touched. - Did he pur while you were making out? - I've always wondered what if he stayed? You were ghosted by - A furry. No. - He could have been in arelationship with a furry. - Okay. The love of my life. All - Right, here's the plan. We make friends spreadour gospel like degenerate missionaries among straight society. And then we eat cake. I'mallergic. It was a metaphor. How interesting that you gotpaired with the hot girl. Isn't fate magical? Give it up. Casanova. I have no idea what you're insinuating. And yet here we wait outside the field. Do you want GSA to die in a fiery place? I care about GSA just as much as I care about the second rate poetry that you will be writing when the straight girl breaks your heart. I'm just picking her up from what exactly. Please don't cheerleading. I'msorry. I didn't catch that. Cheerleading. You're practically clipping your nails already. I'm not. What did I tellyou about straight girls? We don't know. She'sstraight. She's a cheerleader. Have you seen her nails?They're like towels. Really? Not that it would matter to you. Shut up. You know I'm in love withher. That's what I'm saying. You're in the deep end and not even the underpaidteenage lifeguard can save you. What I'm just saying. Firstyou're braiding her hair. Ben, you the bridesmaid at her wedding to grant Fleming the furry. That's not my point. Cry. Well, she doesn't even listen to country. They all listen to country. - Hi. Hi. I'm just gonna getcleaned up and then we can go. Okay. Yeah. - Jolene. Jolene. Jolene.- Shut up. Hey, scone. Like in general, theyhave those. What kinds? A variety. I'm a variety. What? Because gay. Oh yeah. How's that going for you? Well, I am not allowed inchurches after seven, but otherwise it's ACEs. So you want something?Do you want something like in life or from here? Either a muffin. Okay, well I'm gonna go get that. And when I come back youcan be not like this. - Hey,- Jesus Christ. - When's the U-Haul coming?- She's so hot. - She's definitely gonna break your heart. - Oh yeah. She would last until like at least the fifth week of - The bachelors. She'snot gonna break my heart - Because she's straight. - Not what- I meant. Here's what we think you and straight girl are out on. Say a moon lit picnic straight girl suddenlyfinds herself looking deep into your eyes. Straight girl pictures yourmidlevel house in the suburbs with two kids lovinglyadopted from foster care. Oh, straight girl suddenlyfinds her heart beating just a little bit faster. - When you ask her out to prom. Pick a good pen for thesign. Nothing from Buzzfeed. We know you're part of theCaucasoid race and everything, but we truly believeyou're better than that. - Can I get back to myplatonic date now please? Of - Course. We believe in you. - Do we?- Well, we think you're somewhat capable. - The newspaper's a terrible disguise. Everybody knows gay people can't read. - Hold up. Hey. Hey. Hi. Do you ever thinkabout how close we used to be? Do you ever think about howclose you were to the best part of your miserable existence? You're not still hung up on the thing, are - You Cohen? I have no idea whatthing you're referencing - At time at the Pizza Hut. - I'm more of a Domino's guy. - When you and I at the Pizza Hut, we've - Been to a lot of pizza huts - When we kissed in the bathroom. - Oh no. Not hung up with at all. Cool. Cool. - You wanna go back to the school and play spot? The career with the freshmen? - Oh, I'm sorry. I thought wewere already playing games. - Not hung up.- Not at all. Cool, cool. - So if I were to tell you Ihad a boyfriend, you would say, - I hope he likes guys withtiny little pebble nipples. - Not hung up.- Not hung up. Cool. Cool. - Wow. That's very bad. Yeah. So now what? We talk like normal people. Oh, that seems difficult. Favorite color. Dusty rose. Oh please. Should make your acquaintanceprotagonist in from a one direction fan babe. Oh, so yours is so much better. Maroon. Maroon is a very gaycolor. Colors can't be gay. What if it was my favoritecolor? Gotta make the rules. I guess that I thoughtmy coming out would go a a little bit differently. I can be a disappointedfather if you would like. Maybe later. Later. Yeah. Like when it's 2:00 AM and we're looking up atthe stars, the two of us, the universe holds infinite possibilities. So in your alternate, alternate universe, what would we be doing right now? Well, everything would beexactly the same except those two people behind me wouldn't be watching us. You noted. No, when I sat down. It's cool. What did you tell me about me? I if you don't tell me it'shomophobia, you're not gay. Infinite possibilities. Okay, fine. Yeah, I told them I was hanging out with my gay best friend person who was a pretty cheerleader. Oh, but who's the pretty cheerleader? Wait, am I the prettycheerleader? That's gay. Infinite possibilities. Okay, so, so what would we be doingright now if we were gay? We're like 10 minutes in about the time you'd becalling my therapist gay. Second base is just like telling them all of your repressed traumas. Well what if you don'thave any repressed traumas? Well, come on. All gehave repressed traumas. What's straight first base? Iwouldn't know. I don't know. Boy toy. Yeah. None worth mentioning. It is so hard to finda good man these days, but yet it's so easy tofind a gay best friend. Hey, I'm not complaining. I should tell you. You aresupposed to invite your friends to come to Oh, to come to the wedding. What? What? The wedding in theultimate universe. Wedding. In an alternate who'sgetting married. We are. Thank you for the muffin. - So JK Rolling. Being a turf is actuallyreally surprising considering that every single characterfrom Harry Potter is trans. Get into it. Ron. TransHermione, trans Dobby. Name them King. Everybodyexcept for Snap. He's sis. We don't want him. Well - Thank you. - Are we thankful for that?- I've made a counter presentation refuting all of your points. Happy to present whenever. - Well, I mean, you spokefor a segment of time. First - Of all, why is the cisgirl commenting on my good trans PowerPoint? Second of all, at least my assisn't plywood inspired. Say - It to burn Bro. - Cohen, I would never saythat to you if you figure ass. - Can we talk about how mystraight best friend is a furry? How can he be my straightbest friend if he's a furry furries - Can be straight, I- Think. Yeah, don't be intolerant - Like a bug. Furry. What is that? - I need a convenient placeto store my pocket dictionary. - Vanny. That's disgusting. When - You need a cliff bar, you'll be sorry - Nerd. Seven days. - I have met with Olivia, mygay best friend person. What? What have you guys done? Oh - Girl. We all know what you've done. Shut - Up. - Can we stop talkingabout Quinn's pathetic life and acknowledge the fact thatmy furry has been responding to the corporate Netflix Twitter account with his opinions on movies? - Okay, that's nothing.My guy plays soccer. So - Hello? Pick up your real phone. Dingus. Hello? - Oh- Hey, what's up? There was, there was axbody spray and kept going on and on about his drone fixing business. His name was Kyle. Oh my God. He's my straight best friend,you know, for the program. I told him that I was bi, whichhe found in his words hot. - Ew.- He won't stop putting on me. So I told him that Ialready had a boyfriend. - Wait, you have a boyfriend. You the term gay man must meanvery different things to you. - Come on. Just one party. - I don't do straight parties besides, nobody's gonnabuy us as a couple. - Hey, it worked in that one movie. - Do you mean to all the boys I love before featuring NoahCenten in his breakout role as Peter Kavinski? God, I would let that man runme over in his family friendly - Homicide. Anyways, it'll be fun. - Or it'll be Jeremy from BioWho still dead names me not with alcohol, please. I just don't know ifI wanna puke Bud Light into Kyle's mom's wedding. China that badly. - Hey, you know GrantFleming will be there. - You mean the man who stompedon my 14-year-old heart? - The furry.- This isn't a party anymore. This is the Olympic Ice Skating Finals. And I am Tanya Harding. - Wasn't she on like alot of drugs? No. Are you? - God, just pick me up at eight. - You. - Hello?- Did your mom ever tell you not to go into the forest with white kids? - I don't care how you gotmy number. Just keep talking. - I went to see an ImagineDragons cover band. And a long story short, I ambehind a seven 11 right now with a dude named John andI need to bail out Now. - You're just expecting meto be at your Becking call. - Yes, I'm incredibly hot.- Give me five minutes. - Love you - Here for what you wish for. - You said this was a house party. I came dressed for a houseparty. This is a spie. I'm gonna get so many - Wait, hold my hand. Oh, not church styleand all the fingers hoo. - Oh God.- You again. Who are you guys? Z Mickey Alk. It - Exists. - Why are you here again?- To show Grant Fleming what he's missing. Obviously - Weird. Kyle's friends. Kyle isn'tfriends with, you know girl - Shareholders- Are so easy. Do you wanna dance? Not even a little bit. - Oh my God. It's him. You okay? Look at him every bitas Twinky. As Frosty. - Oh God. - Gr consent, whatever. - Mm. Hi - Grant. Huh? It's me. Mickey. Youknow from freshman year. Homecoming. - See you later Grant. Hey, follow along. Okay. Oh my God, I can't believe you're here. - Is that Susan?- Yes it is. I Susan. Okay, great. So now that my girl is here, I think we're gonna go, just go. Yeah. - Wait, gimme $20. I want to get some weed - Catch. Come on. I can't believe you gavehim 20 bucks. For me. It was a dollar. Wait. How long until they find outme a minute straight boy. At least 24 hours. Hey, thank you for saving me. Pretty cool view. Someone elserescue you in five minutes. Really? No. Oh, fun. Fact time. Fun fact, you. Yes. This is the time whereI tell you a fun fact. The Adams within Julius Caesar's last breath are near us right now. Adams move so fast that you can never really be far from anyone. Dad is so fun. Hey, actually,can you stop here, huh? Yeah, right here. I wanna swing. You are such a cliche. They dothis in like every gay movie. Good thing this isn't a gay movie. There aren't even swings. Come on. Yep. Yep. We're - Going up. It's children's. Come on. Quinn. For children, are youa child? Quinn, please, - Please come up. Quinn. Quinn. Quinn. Quinn.Quinn. Quinn. Quinn. Are - You a child? No. Come - On. It'll be fun. It'll be so much fun. - Quin.- Come - On, you'll be a chicken. - You chef. I'm not a chicken. - Come on chicken cr. Come ondown the line. Down the fine. And it's okay. It's a two personslime. Come on. Yeah. Okay. Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah. - Okay. You should go talk to her.Hey, I don't talk to girls. I just look, if you had jeans on, they would already be cuffed. Just go Fine. Just go. If anything goes wrongever, it's your fault. Okay. Hey listen. - I know we haven't talkedmuch since, well freshman year, but I thought about it - A lie. Stop. Stop. What? I'm alreadyin love with somebody. Just go. Just go. - Oh. - How is she about asgreatest family holidays. Oh, you need me to kiss it better? Hey, I may be bi, but I'mnot that bi. Okay. Drink. This is empty. I know, right? - See, not so bad. That was fun. Yeah. Look up there. - Oh, that - So- Fun. Fact time. - Yeah. Adam's travel everywhere. You can never be far from anyone - Then aren't you? Never really - Close to anyone. - Well, the point is that you can have everything all at once. What if you want something more specific? What? Anything specific. You wanna be close to Caesar's? Good. But I like where I am now. Is that okay? Yeah, that's okay. Me too. - Mickey?- Yes. Sugar bear. - He's coming.- Oh shit. - How did you love birds mate?- We were at a - Shooting council. Student council. - Aren't you gay,- Aren't you? - I'm Catholic.- Oh, me too. Yeah. No. Every day I hit up my boyjc. You know how it is. I sure do. The only thing I love more of course, is my woman right - Here. I don't believe you. - What do you mean? I soldmy soul to a Lord and Savior. - Oh no. I mean you two as a couple. - We do it all the time.- Prove it. - Ew- Kiss. - Okay. Excuse me. - Come Here are my littletiny bunches of oaths. - My health brand. Pop Tarts. - Yeah, I don't believe that. - Okay, fine. We pretendedto be a pebbles so that I wouldn't have to go out with you. I'm sorry. - Ooh.- You are real big muscle quarterback type, aren't you? How's your strainedrelationship with your father and his unattainableideals of masculinity? - Why would you even date him?- We're not dating. - So you wouldn't date me. Yes,you could have just told me. - You would think that, wouldn't you? - I'm gonna kick your ass.- Excuse me. - I'm going to kick your- Ass. Splendid. - Okay then we are gonnago have a great summer seeing macroeconomics. - You, you know, you really need to give the left hand a break. You are going to getcarpal tunnel. Seriously. - Hey.- Hi. - Your mom let me in. So all of her friends werehanging out without us. I thought maybe you and I could hang out and I made banana bread. - You made banana bread. What?- I liked to bake. - I thought you just like read theory and painted your nails. - I contain multitudes.- Okay, let's get this bread. - What?- You know, like, nevermind. We never hang out alone. - Well, that's a shame. I'm very fun. - No you're not.- Well I can be. - Okay then why don't we hang out? - I don't know. We don't reallyhave that much in common. Yeah, we do. Okay. Name one thing. We - Both like banana bread. - Yeah. And neither of usare out to our parents. - Oh, you're not?- No. - Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that. - Neither are you- Closet buddies. - I feel like people should have known that I was a non-binary pansexual when I came out as a vegan. - Yep. Yeah. My mom definitely thinksyou're my boyfriend. - Isn't that bad?- No. She's been pushing for it for a while. She's probably gonna bringup snacks in a minute. So, banana bread, - Multitudes. - Does this ever just feellike a little too much to you? - What do you mean?- It's like the kids at that party last night. They just live in their ownlittle world, don't they? It's so beautiful andclean and light there. - And the two of us were never getting in. - Yeah, - You're in love with Cohen, right? That's why you didn't go after Grant. - Yeah. You know, if we were straight, we could just drive to school every day. - Shut up - To be funny- As promised. A comprehensive man. Hit list source. I'm a lesbian and I'm tired. - It's miss injury.- Cohen. I think the day you learned to read, society just got worse in general. - Okay. As the only man here. I just feel like thisPowerPoint is like really offensive. Some boys are - Excluded. Oh, - Okay then. Love you Queen. - You're- Late. Okay. I know I said we coulddo the hit list today, but I just got the resultsback from our survey from all of our straight best friends. I, I made a graph. Gay - People can't make graphs. Rude. Okay, fine. You can do your little Microsoft Excel project. If you give us two hits and two spares. - Hit your dad. The Beatlesspare Mr. Brightside. And then that one Japanese YouTuber who makes knives out of random objects. Go ahead. Thank you. I love you. - Oh God.- Oh look. A turn my parents love after I came out. - This is not good. This is bad. It's very bad. - My straight best friend tried to take me to church the other day. - How'd you get throughthe door without burning? - I have to be seen in public with a - Furry. At least you didn't haveto kiss. Said furry. - Honestly, I'm kind ofexcited. I've been studying - You. Respect us all to havestraight best friends. Why do you think I'm here? Didn't - You say Jesus was a pansexual? - He had personal relationshipswith billions of people. It's kind of slutty. I - Bet you could rivalhim in terms of grinder - Out outside. Just because Kyle told you I was working. - Cohen, I would be your street best friend if I could. Okay, - Everyone. Can you just hear me out? - Alternate plan. PTA sugar Daddy. - My dad's on the board, so Oh - Yeah. I saw him at the pool. Mickey - Cohen. Just kiss hetero ass for a week straight. Then we can go back to thisbeing a gaze only event. - Get it straight.- Seriously. - Who knows what- Not funny. What didn't laugh. I, it's not funny. - That- Was fun. It's not funny. True. Do better - Mickey. Well, hello there. You said you had cake. We have a serious problem.Just kidding the cake. Mickey, where's the cake?We have pressing issues. Is this about the pizza hut thing? Yeah, it's about the wait.How do you know about that? I am well connected. Go andput it in group chat. Yeah. Why am I here? 'cause youmy dear girl, have a chance to change the course of history by letting you lose your virginity. Okay, that is so out of pocket. Whatever happened to Grant Fleming? He's the very next question. You really think Cohen likesyou? Let's look at the facts. Oh my God, you're a serial killer. August 23rd, Cohen and I sharedour first romantic moment. August 24th, 8:50 AMCohen tweets out, rise and grind with two heart emojisinstead of one August 24th, 2:13 PM Thanks. The haircut of heartbreak. August 25th, 3:02 AM Contact me, you up. Oh, I was up. All right.See, I have chronic insomnia. You should not have endedwith that. Help me. Why? Because I love them. Youcan't just like talk to them. Oh, wow. I'd never thought of that before. What I need. You ask nicely. Please. You know, allof a sudden I can't help but think about summer of 2018. Oh God. Don't make me say it.Hey, you want my help or not? Fine. Summer of 2018,I, you know what I did? What did you do, Mickey? I clogged all the toiletsin the Mende family cabin. Your sadness compels me. Go Chapter one star cross lovers. Actually z. Two minutes. - So Jennifer is sacrificed by indie boy band dudessymbolizing how both men and indie music are gross. So her inner demons are being freed from the constraints of patriarch. It's also gay. I lovehow Jennifer's portrayed as both the demon and also the victim of her own hypersexualization that is also, you know, super gay Mommy. You know, I actually think thatJennifer's body is truly the defining classic of our generation. Say that in front of a straight boy and you'll get a copy ofFight Club in your spleen. I could take them. Why? Well, I went to an ImagineDragons concert once, and I actually got sacrificed by a dude who is like mid-level famous on Reddit. Now I did see a emancipatedfigure on an in so four months. God, I love this movie.Megan Fox is literally a hot demon who kills men. That's the dream. So when's the scene? What scene? Oh, you know the scene withNeedy and Jennifer The fridge? No, the kiss. Oh, I always liked it. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Cool. - Hi. Hi. Need up with the screaming? You're such a cliche, but we always share your bedwhen we have slumber parties. - But we always show your bedwhen we have slumber parties. I'm not going to bite you. That's so bad. Is that, is that my evil dead teacher? Hell is a teenage girl. How are you scared? I, I don't know what to do with my hands. Is that okay? - Okay. Yesterday - You were this cheerleader. Now you're your cheerleader. - I - Please take a seat. - Where's Miy?- Where Avian Bird flew? - How was he getting you to agree to this? - Agree to what?- Come on, you're smart. You wouldn't taste yourbest friend in the pizza bathroom. What was he giving you? - He just, he's so sad. - Okay. Guilt cannot be exchangedfor goods or service. He - Had a cork board. Everyone knows the gays don'tapply themselves. Full name. - Don't make me say it.Romeo Huntington Coen. - Sorry. Didn't catch that.- Romeo, Huntington Cohen. - How Anglo-Saxon - Parents met at adoomsday prepper dimension. - Is it correct that on August 23rd you kissed Mickey McPherson? - What? That's his,that's his real name. Did - You or did you not kiss him? - I, I, I may have- After - I finished my garlic nuts. - No yearning. None.Then you won't deny that. On August 24th you got bangs, the classic marker of a mental breakdown. - What are you getting at- On August 23rd? You shared an intimate moment with Mickey McPherson on August 24th. You did not call him and you got bangs. Could it be possiblesomething happened over those two days to drive the decision? - What's it to you?- Pizza Hut at night. The whole thing. Wreaksof intricate rituals. - Okay. Objection, circumstantial. Did - You- Yearned Never say it. I, I I may have yearned. - Aw. - It's not like I'mwilling to do anything about it. - Why not?- I don't know. Elle. I am, I'm emotionally unavailable. I I, I'm named after a guywho famously kills himself. I don't thrifting. And it'sjust a whole lot of red flags. - You're an idiot.- I don't think I already know that. - Close the door on your way out. - Do I know you?- Yeah. The whole straight best friend thing. You gave us your email.So what is your persona? - Do you wanna get something to drink? - No, I don't drink. So whendid you start showing signs? - We supposed- To be getting to know each other. Isn't that the wholepoint of this thing? Okay, - Fine. - My favorite color ispurple Sagittarius, sun. Aries Moon, Libra rising. So is there like a placewhere all of you meet - Up? I'm leaving. Wait, - I made flashcards. - Cohen's not here. I'm here for you. Oh, are you? Okay. Why? 'cause you're sitting alone in a classroom staring at the wall. I've just been thinking, you know that girl from the other night? Yeah. The one you talked to at the party. I didn't actually talk to her. What if she knows, knowswhat that I'm like this. What if she knows and she tells everyone I I don't follow. Remember when you were a kidand you'd fall and cut yourself and you'd have this big scar and you just keep picking at it? 'cause you didn't know any better? I think I am the scarred. Everyone just keeps pokingit. 'cause why wouldn't they? So, - No,- You're - Not. Look at us, Mickey. You saidit yourself at the party. We're not like them. I just woke up this morning andthought everyone can see it. You know, - Look,- Just come distract yourself with us. We're making a list of all of the homoerotic moments in Great Gatsby. So we can annoy Mr. Collins. He - Can, any normal teenagercould just go to a party. Why can't I do that? - Let's get you out of here. Okay? - I'm, I'm just sitting, just let me sit. - Okay? Can I sit with you? - Look in inside the see the follows me closely. Whatever food. I right, - I'm- Coming. Nice dress. - Thanks. It was my mom's.- Your parents' home. - They never are. Whyare you, do you wanna - Sit? Sure. Yeah. So your mom's wedding dress? - Yep. Why do you have it? Oh, she gave it to me a while ago. She is not really, you know, around anymore. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, please don't. - I- Hate it when people say that. Well, do you ever think you'd wear something like that again? Like with you? No. No. I'm sorry. Did you ever use to watch movies under your bedsheets at night? Like gay ones? Yeah. Like gay ones? Sure did. They were never during the day though. And they never had a happy ending. We'll be different. I never wanted to be different. Of course, you are a cheerleader. People expect, expect what? I think I should go - See ya. Hey, mom. Oh, let me be there. How was your afternoon? Itwas good. Just hung out. The friend. What friend?His name's Grant Fleming. Ah, who is Grant Fleming? Just a friend who know you? No. No. Oh, I was excited. Mom. - What? - Sweet. Gay. I am gay. Say something please. - What was the relative say?- I don't care. - Get dressed. We're going to church. - So God so loved the world that he gave his only son. What will you give? What is your sacrifice? - Hey,- As it church, as a - Community. Did your mom - As individual? - It's my fault. I shouldn't, I shouldn't have what beenyourself. You know what I mean? - To show our love for one another, for ourselves. - Sorry, father - Degenerate. I memorized all the lyrics to Hail Mary. If I get them wrong, doyou think they'll notice there are no lyrics in him. What am I supposed to know? That - Only he knows our true sacrifice. - Damn it. Sorry. - What is our life measured by? Is it possible that what Godmeant when he gave up his son is that it is measured bywhat we give to others? - You think? Don't getkicked out for the swearing of just the fact that I'm Jewish. - This is a church.They can't kick you out. - Well, if they can,you're the first to go. - Mean accurate, but mean. Can we stop kneeling? Now? - Gender was created by the CIA. - The CIA isn't responsiblefor your daddy issues. Coen. - Okay. But regardless, the construct of gender came fromundercover investigation and program investments then became the DA's Dashes of Morse code. And here we are inAmerica's binary culture. It's all a product to thevery best size of the era. - Why is it always World War I with you? Why can't ever be colonization? It's almost alwayscolonization. You know what? - Mommy issues, daddy issues. Maybe someday when we get rid of gender, we're all just gonnahave issues, you know? - Hey, does anyone have any quarters? I'm gonna play toxic tillwe get kicked out. Hm. - Wait, no. You should playthe Chainsmokers that way. It's like reverse queer baiting, you know, - White girl- Music. Oh - No. Hey, do you wanna go dance? - Yes. - Alright, but liketwo feet apart, nothing weird. - Sick. You good? I just got broken up with, so, you know, and my mom just rejected me. Cinnamon rolls are good on Tuesday. There might not be any more. GSA just another day in the game. Should we dance? - Yeah. - My mom texted. How is it she, she said that she's still adjusting but loves me no matter what. - Well, that's amazing. - It's our last day. What are we gonna do? - Well, for starters, couldyou guys take me home? You've already missed like three periods. - Why didn't you guys wake me up? - Please report to the principal's office. Do any of you know what's going on? - Good luck.- Yeah. - How's it going, rich?- Close the door. Have a seat. I've been hearing some disturbing allegations concerning you. - No matter what anybody says,I went to PE freshman year. Quinn - Students have told me you are attempting to reverse conversion therapyone of your classmates. What? - No. What does that even mean? - According to what I'veheard you, you took her to gay clubs, things of that nature. What? You have a responsibility as leader of our gay straight alliance. A privilege which can be taken away due to inappropriate behavior. - Well, there was noinappropriate behavior. - These are serious allegations. - Allegations. Do youknow what that word means? - I discipline all my studentsequally. I'm proud of it. - Proud of what? What part of pride do you get to claim Exactly? None of these kids were apart of anything before GSA. And you wanna take all thataway in the name of discipline? - Are you acquainted with Olivia, San - Olivia? - The subject in question - To remind you- Her - Of the mess you left when you were. - Many of her friends haveexpressed concerns regarding her - To deny me of. - Okay,- You're free to go. Oh, and Quinn, GSA has till tomorrow morning. - Hey, Jake. How's it hanging? Who are you going? Cohen? Who? You know your gay bestfriend? Cohen? Sorry. Who did you not read the emails? - Oh my god. I remember him. Him and his group of friends are so sad. I put your name on the list. I hope you're okay with that. They - Excuse me, my pronouns. You know, he goes to thestore. She goes to the store. They go to the store. Why? Idon't know. Jake's second wave. Queer theory, I guess.Whatever, dude. Oh my God. Am I not allowed to call you that? You know, it may bug some people, but for me it's So how'd you two meet? Hmm? How'd you meet? - It was actually such a funny story - We made out once. Yeah. Hilarious. Wow. Such a cute couple. He - Is my dream man. - He is. Well, he is a man. You know, I just remembered.I have something I have to do. Thank you. - Are you busy? I could come back. No, - I'm not easy. - Anything you wanna talk about? - Not really. I've just been falling apart, sort of. - That doesn't sound like Not really. - You're the person I'msupposed to talk to about this stuff, right? - You're safe with me, - Olivia. What? I just had this really weird conversation with Mr. Hale. Did you hear it? Can you leave me alone? I didn't do anything. Stopit. I'm not, I'm not gay. Okay, but you said nothing. I said nothing - All the time. Do it all the time. Getinto the way, get into it. How the plane, you just goup and then you just go down. Yeah, you just go on guys, solveit. Wait, are we all quiet? - Hey, let's, let's do this. - I knew you'd come aroundto starting a vlog channel. - What? No, no. I, no. - What? I have no ideawhat you're talking about - Us. That's like, what'slike to be a thing? Like - A thing thing? I think they mean a - Thing. Do. Hmm? Do you wanna hang out sometime? - Like, like, like a, like adate. I, I would love that. - Okay. Do you wanna hang out later? - Like hang out or like hang out. - Whichever.- Yeah. I, I can hang out. Are you gonna stand therestaring at each other? - Hey, listen. Is whatpeople are saying? True. You - Wanna know everythingThe dyke did? Just, - Everyone's been talking. I know's. Been talking. - Hey everyone. You know,I'll, I'll talk to everyone. Hey everyone. What's up? You know me. I'm the dyke from your chemistry class. The one who would look somuch prettier with long hair who won't shut up and whose only safespace in the entire world is getting taken from them. Look, I get it in two days,once you're done humiliating me, you'll go back to calling myfriends the wrong pronouns. You'll cut us outta your stories and you'll bully us outta your lives. In two days, my only safespace will disappear. Lucky for you. You never hadto care. And you never will. Is something wrong?What does it look like? - I know gay straight alliance may be any - Tomorrow. It's not about GSA. Well it is, but it's also just aboutthis stupid stupid school. - You,- You wanna step into my office? What happened? - I only care- About four people in this entire school and I let them down. - How did you let them down? - I trusted someone I shouldn't have. - Do you see yourself as a letdown? - I see myself walking out ofhere and never coming back. - Is that the ending you want? - Isn't this how it always ends? - Oh,- That so fun. Fact time. Yeah. Adams travel everywhere. You can never be far fromanyone then aren't you? Never close to anyone? Well, the point is that youhave everything all at once. What if you want somethingmore specific? Like what? Anything specific. You want to be close to Caesar's? Good. But I like where I am now. Is that okay? Yeah, that's okay. Me too. - Why are you so obsessedwith a straight girl? - She's not.- Okay. Well, last time I checked Quinn, I just came out and I know that you havebeen out since the womb, but for some of us, this is a big deal. I'm here too. Wrapped up inMiss Headrow to even care. And I know that we don't talkabout real stuff that much, but I just thought that you would make an exception for this. - I'm sorry.- And even if my mom is okay with it, it justfeels like there's this point when unconditional lovesuddenly becomes conditional and the world is just not that good. Giving us a second to breathe. - Breathe. Hey, I love you. - I love you too.- I love you. - What do you want? I'm sorry that I said those things before. I just wanted my friendsto stop saying shit. You weren't the one who said it. No. Why would I, why didn't you just say that? I'm not that bold. You know, you can't justgo around hurting people and expect forgivenessbecause you want it. You have to do something to earn it. I just want us to be okay. Things will go back tonormal for you soon. But I don't want normal. Butthen prove it. Good night. - Hello? - Mm. Oh, - My work hours are over. But you can come into my office tomorrow. - Oh,- You can't? - Hmm. Okay. - Do you wanna tell me what's going on? - Hmm. - Hey baby,- You're up early. Is everything okay? Is your mom okay? You? - Yeah, she will be. She'slearning. But get ready. I gotta show you something. - Yeah, yeah. Okay. Hurry. It's a personal pride parade. Did you do all this? Wasit just me? Go talk to her. - Or like precious baby orsomething like that. Precious. Don't push it. Boyfriend. I know that it'snot really gender neutral, but it No, I I I like it. Oh, like it too real. Okay. No one else can call me that next Iselle. I'm so proud of you. - You're what?- I just wanted to let you know - I'm I proud of me too. So when I said prove it,this is what I came up with. And one more thing. Now everyone will know that's you are, you are. Wow. Gimme a second. It's all for us - That.