Original subtitles

So that's the situation, doctor.

Young Jamie has started to imitate his older brother Chet.

Imitating all his bad points, that is.

But I've come up with the answer.

I am going to keep the boys apart as much as possible.

To remove the older boy's influence, right?

- Right. - Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong.

You will listen.

This is a classic case of

sibling similarity syndrome!

[theme music]

♪ I love my mom and dad and my brothers too ♪

♪ And with groovy way we get along ♪

♪ But every time the slightest little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Mom starts to sing this familiar song ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ Dad's not so bad and he seldom gets mad ♪

♪ And we aren't about to desert him ♪

♪ Kids today like to have their own way ♪

♪ And what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him ♪

♪ I think my mum's just swell ♪

♪ But she starts to yell ♪

♪ Every time we have a fuss ♪

♪ Just wait till your father gets ♪

♪ Until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ See what I mean ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ We know ♪♪

♪♪

Hi, son. What are you reading?

An article about the California condors.

You know, those great, big birds?

When you're finished, try the "help wanted" section.

You know, those little-bitty ads.

Dad, the condor problem is very serious.

They're facing extinction.

Have you been keeping up with it?

I'm ashamed to admit it

but I'm behind in my bird watching.

I've been kind of pre-occupied lately

with a lot of unimportant things.

Like making a living.

Well, pop, please don't pressure me.

I told ya, I'd work when I find a job that's right for me.

But, son, there aren't too many 40-hour coffee breaks

with retirement benefits.

It doesn't have to be easy.

Just so it's meaningful in terms of today.

Right.

There's no rush for me to get a job, is there?

I suppose not. You've got something I don't have.

- What's that? - A father who's working.

Hi, dear, just look at the beautiful cake Alice made.

I thought she was on a diet.

She is. A very strict diet.

Don't tell me that's the latest thing in appetite depressant.

[Irma] It's not for her. She made it for Chet.

Well, don't let his condors eat any of it

or they'll really be extinct from terminal agony.

Oh! Did he tell you about those poor birds?

I ran into him out back.

He was lying on the lounge

saving up strength for a nap.

I hope you didn't bother him about getting a job.

I did. But it didn't bother him.

- What's for dinner? - Leftover.

Again? I never even got a shot at the original.

I'll cook you an original

pot roast tomorrow in appreciation.

Appreciation for what?

Taking me to hear Doctor Zymar speak at

the women's club tonight. You did promise.

Harry Boyle, you have a big, fat mouth.

It should be very informative.

Doctor Zymar's an expert on family relations.

Only because he's never had relations with his family.

I'm the first guy on my block to sire a non-stop eater

and a non-start worker.

Chet will find himself.

At least, I have Jamie.

Good, old, dependable, hard-working Jamie.

- Where is he? - In the living room.

Probably doing his homework.

Now, there's a kid who's gonna make a mark in this world.

You know, Irma, my only hope for Chet

is that he might get inspired to return to consciousness

by Jamie's example.

Hello, son. Need any help with your homework?

How can you talk about homework at a time like this?

What time like this is it?

Time we did something to save the condors.

- Would you sign my petition? - Not you too.

Do you realize that there are less than 50 of 'em

left in the country? We gotta do somethin' to save 'em.

What is this? National take-a-condor-to-lunch week?

That's a super idea.

I'd ask the Chronicle to sponsor a national condor a week.

If I hadn't quit.

You quit your paper route? Why?

Because I realized that wasn't a meaningful work.

In terms of today.

Hey, wanna listen to some stereo, Jamie?

Cool! Do you have that new groovy album by The Slobs?

Better. I've got Arthur Undermeyer

and the Uptights.

Far out!

Great, suddenly I've got myself

two unemployed condor freaks.

[quirky music]

Did you find Jamie?

I don't know. I think it was Jamie.

But, I'd like to check his mugshots to be sure.

What do you mean?

I'm afraid the worst possible thing has happened.

Instead of Chet changing in to a big Jamie

Jamie has turned into a miniaturized Chet.

But how could that happen?

Maybe with transistors.

He's following him around like a twin popsicle.

But, Harry, they're brothers.

As of now ex-brothers.

Jamie's in a very impressionable age.

I'm afraid that we've gotta separate them as much as we can.

We could discuss this with Doctor Zymar

after the meeting tonight.

What for? I've already made up my mind what I'm going to do.

So there's no point whatsoever in palavering

with some nimmy doctor about it.

I was gonna say he'd probably agree

with your idea completely.

He might even want to mention you in his next book.

On the other hand, I suppose we could have a little chat.

So, that's the situation doctor.

Young Jamie has started to imitate his older brother Chet.

Imitating all his bad points, that is.

I've come up with the answer.

I am going to keep the boys apart as much as possible.

To remove the older boy's influence, right?

- Right. - Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong.

You will listen and listen carefully.

This is a classic case of sibling similarity syndrome.

- But it seems to me-- - Schweigen! Stille!

You are supposed to hang on my every word.

I am the expert. I have written the book.

I have been on The Mark Levin Show.

Sorry.

What you will do.

You will inspire the older boy to do good things.

The younger one will imitate the older

and then they will both be doing good things.

That does make sense, Harry.

But how do we inspire Chet to do good things?

- He doesn't like to work. - He doesn't, eh?

He's a one man energy crisis. Nobody would ever hire him.

Exactly, and the answer is you will hire him.

Oh, I've tried, but he doesn't consider

my work meaningful enough.

My husband manufactures pots and pans.

Well, the kid's got a point there.

But Chet is a bright boy.

He stayed in college almost three whole years.

Majoring in voluntary inertia.

What you will do then

is take him to your pots and pans place

but let him work on something there

he thinks is meaningful.

So, go home, sit down with him

and explain nicely and calmly

She now goes to work. So easy.

If he doesn't, you break both his knees.

[quirky music]

- Did you say work? - Now, son, this is today.

You mustn't get uptight over four-letter words.

But, I've told you, pop.

Pots and pans just aren't meaningful.

Well, you won't be working on that.

You can think of some new products that are meaningful.

- Like what? - That's entirely up to you.

You mean it? I can really do my thing?

- And make anything? - Absolutely.

It'll give me a chance to recognize

the more worthwhile things in life like you have.

Well...

Well then, it's all settled, son.

You start first thing in the morning.

- How did it go? - Beautiful.

He's going in with me in the morning.

- To do what? - Anything he wants.

At first. But overtime, gradually

I'll be easing him into pots and pans.

He'll be a happy and unmeaningful worker

before he knows it.

Harry Boyle genius has done it again.

Harry, isn't there any way to have a less troublesome life?

Yes, it's called celibacy.

But it's a little late for that.

Looks like reveling came a little early

for you this morning, huh?

- Huh? Huh? - Gee, pop.

Is the traffic in the morning always like this?

[Harry] No, usually it doesn't move quite this fast.

I still don't understand.

Why is everybody going that way

when the beach is that way?

You'll have to forgive him, Ralph.

This is the first time he's ever seen cars

without surfboards on the top.

Why doesn't everybody go in later

when the roads aren't so crowded?

Anyway, this is a big occasion for you two.

The eldest son joining his father in

the old pot and pan dodge.

But I won't be working on the pots and pans.

You're not? Oh, you signed him on as the company goon, huh?

Spy on your boys. Good for you.

He's not there to spy, Ralph.

Chet's, well, he's gonna develop

some new products that are meaningful.

Right, something related to lifestyles

and may be helpful for peace.

You mean, you gonna start making cannons?

Cannons? For peace?

Sure, nothing contributes more to peace

than having a lot of big guns.

With the guns, you win your wars.

And that way you got peace.

Gee, it doesn't sound to me like

you're very much in favor of peace.

That's not true. I love peace.

It's not only very important but also very necessary.

Gives you a little breathin' time to stockpile.

Oh, Charlie, be sure to get that rush order out to Seattle.

Right. Oh, uh, one more thing.

Your boy Chet who came in this morning?

Has he been doin' anything?

He's been doin' plenty.

Well, good.

He's already told all your employees

they deserve higher wages shorter hours

and a paid holiday for Jane Fonda's birthday.

Chet has a large social conscience.

He's also got a large social mouth.

Well, Charlie...

In addition, he's asking for

color TV in the washroom

and sparkling burgundy in the water cooler.

[Chet] Guess what, pop? I've thought of something.

A rock festival in the parking lot?

A new product I wanna make.

Oh, that's great, son. What is it?

Well, I'd rather not say until I complete the prototype.

Give him the private workshop and everything he needs.

Gee, thanks, pop. It's gonna be great.

It's not only meaningful

but also practical and necessary.

The whole world will beat a path to our door.

Sounds like he invented the wheel.

You really want me to give him whatever he asks for?

Right. You know, he does have the Boyle blood in him.

It just might be that he has come up with a big winner.

♪♪

Where's Chet? I haven't seen him all week.

He's been staying late at the plant every night.

Hard work never killed anyone.

[Jamie] Neither did loafing.

You have noticed the change in him, haven't you, son?

Sure, I have. Now, I'm stuck holding the condor bag.

Did you hear, Irma?

Jamie has noticed the change in Chet.

And that will help straighten him out too.

We can certainly thank Doctor Zymar.

If you remember it was my idea?

Yes, sir. Another couple of weeks we'll have

two nice clear headed, normal sons around here.

Hi, everyone. Thanks for the lift, Charlie.

[Irma] Can I get you some supper, dear?

Oh, no, mom. I'm too excited to eat.

I've almost finished the prototype.

I'll be able show it to you at the end of work tomorrow.

Isn't that wonderful? What is it?

- You'll all see tomorrow. - That boy's something.

He's really been putting in the hours.

Yeah, we all have.

Well, you see the overtime labor charges.

And the bills for all the stuff he's ordered.

And the business we've lost while we were helping him.

Well, he says he has a good product.

- Real practical. - It better be.

Or your factory is gonna become

one big practical parkin' lot.

[quirky music]

I'm so excited.

I can hardly wait to see what Chet's new product is.

And on behalf of our creditors, likewise.

Pop, can I go in the other room

and get your workers to sign my

"Save the condor" petition?

Later, I know, you wanna be here to see the fine thing

your hard-working conscientious anxious brother has made.

Here he comes.

♪♪

[wheels squeaking]

Oh, isn't it wonderful? Absolutely perfect.

Irma, he hasn't uncovered it yet.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the premier introduction

of the Boyle company's newest item.

Where you goin', Charlie?

Down to the unemployment office.

But you haven't seen our new merchandise, yet.

Why wait till the last minute?

[Harry] Oh, come on, Charlie. Don't be so pessimistic.

Hang around.

The moment has come, world.

And there it is.

I better get there before the rush.

Well, what do you think of it?

Why doesn't anybody say somethin'?

Because we're all too thrilled to speak.

It's absolutely a master-piece, Chet. Congratulations.

But, what is it?

Jamie, what a question to ask. Just look at it.

I am looking at it. But, I'm still asking.

Well, it's, um, it's, uh, it's so obvious, I mean.

[Chet] It's a feeding station for condors.

Exactly.

And of all the condor feeders I've ever seen

this is by far the nicest.

Son, let me get this straight.

What you've made is really a condor feeder?

Right, pop. I read that condors like to

perch on dead tree stumps.

So, I made an exact replica of an actual stump

with compartments inside for food and drink.

If he said drink, I sure could use one.

These will be placed in the forest

as a one stop perch and eat feeder.

The one and only Boyle Company Condor Chow.

Condor Chow? Hey, what a really neat name.

[Alice] Huh, papa?

thud

Poor dear, he was probably just overcome with happiness.

Practical and necessary. That's what he said.

All the world will be beatin' a path to our door.

And they will. With a net.

There must be thousands and thousands

of great new things just waiting to be discovered.

Maybe, millions. And what does my son come up with?

But if you discourage him

he'll go right back to being what he was.

And take Jamie with him.

But if I don't, all my employees

and customers will think I wigged-out.

I-I'm sorry, Irma. There's no other way.

For his own good, I have to set him straight

and tell him to forget the whole thing.

Are you positive, it won't work?

Maybe, if you make the tree stump

out of a nice washable plastic people would buy it.

[theme music]

My wallet's in the top bureau drawer

but the silverware's only plated.

[Chet] Pop I'm not a burglar. This is Chet.

- Chet? - Come on, let's go to work.

But, it's only five in the morning.

I know, but I've got some modifications for the feeder.

- I'd like to get right at it. - Look, son.

About that, there's something I have to tell you.

If it's too early for you, I'll ride my bike in.

Yeah, okay, but, but look

don't do anything about modifications.

Oh, I know how you feel, pop.

To you the feeder seems perfect as it is.

But believe it or not there are still some

little improvements to be made.

No, it's not that.

See you later, pop. Lot to be done.

Chet? Hold on. Wait a minute.

Thud

I never thought, I'd see the day when Chet would beat me to work.

I always knew that underneath that long hippie hair

was a viable true cut patriotic kid.

Maybe, I could even get him into my vigilante battalion.

Thanks, Ralph. But, I really don't want him in.

What are you saying, Harry?

You've been smoking them Cuban cigars again?

Please, Ralph. I've got enough problems.

That new product Chet was gonna make, well he made it.

Oh, yeah. That thing for peace. Let me guess. It's a gas gun.

No, a, a kamikaze surfboard.

Pretty close. It's a feeder for condors.

A what, for what?

It's a big dead tree stump.

He's makin' dead tree stumps? You're kiddin'.

- I wish, I was. - That's sensational, Harry.

You'll make a fortune in the dead stump business.

Absolutely, just think.

You've got absolutely no competition.

- Chet, can I see you a minute? - Be right with you, pop.

Boss, we just had a call from Seattle

about our new cookware line. Could mean a bigger order.

They want you to go there for a couple of days.

But how can I leave at a time like... wait a minute.

That might be the answer.

Tell Becky, to get me on the next plane.

What is it, pop?

[Harry] I have to go to Seattle for a few days.

And I'll need you to handle the office.

Take my calls and things.

But I have to work on my feeder.

Well, maybe you could just, you know

postpone that for a while.

Oh, I couldn't do that, pop.

My big feathered friends mean a lot to me.

But don't I mean a lot to you?

I may not have feathers but I am your father.

But, you're not facing starvation.

- With that, I might be. - Huh?

Look, son. I don't like the idea of birds going hungry.

But I also don't like the idea of my employees going hungry.

And with the union they got, I can't feed 'em that.

But this will make your factory famous.

What it will make the factory is empty.

Hey, pop, are you backing out of our agreement?

But, we'll never sell 'em.

There are only 50 condors in the world and I bet

half of 'em don't even read our ads.

You are copping out, aren't you?

I'm only pointing out that somehow today

there just happens to be very little demand

for condor feeders.

Well, pop, I guess, I'm not in demand either.

Sure, you are.

Well, if I stay here

I wanna work on this.

Alright, son. Stay with it.

Can I have my lunch for school, mom?

Here you are.

And don't slam the backdoor.

Your father's still sleeping.

He didn't get back from his trip until late.

- Morning. - Hi, pop. See you later.

[door slams]

I thought, you were still sleeping.

I'm awake now. Deaf, but awake.

I tried to tell Jamie.

If Chet really wanted to invent something to help society

he could have come up with a rubber door.

Now, where is he?

As usual. Up early and at work.

Oh, that reminds me. I better call Charlie.

I'm so glad you decided to

let him keep working on his bird feeder.

But, that thing costs money.

Why can't he be like any normal hippie

and make cheap candle?

But, would birds eat candles?

Charlie? Harry.

Seattle doubled it's order on the cookware.

How soon can we make delivery?

- How does never sound? - Never?

We switched over the whole assembly line

to mass production of condor feeders.

[Charlie] You said to give the genius everything he wanted.

So he took the whole place.

We made 72 of 'em yesterday.

Cost us a $89 a piece.

Should be up to a 100 by now. You'd never know the place.

It looks like the Hutch Mountains.

Hold everything. I-I'll be right down.

Mass production? We're ruined.

Oh, children.

Why don't you just tie Chety to 20 megaton bomb

and throw him and the feeders right out the door?

For once, you're almost making sense.

If you'd put him in my vigilantes

you wouldn't have had these problems.

To be fair, it's my fault too.

I never should have tried to trap him

into working under false pretenses.

You got a point there.

You should've used real pretenses.

Get Chet in here.

So these are the condor feeders, huh?

- How many you've got? - A 100.

One for every year he's taken of my life.

We're finished.

I'll take 'em all. How much?

Ralph, I can't stick you with a hundred condor chows.

I can use 'em to camouflage our troops during the war games.

Well, if you mean it? You can have 'em for cost, $89 each.

No, sir, I insist you make

a decent profit. The American way.

- Well... - I'll give ya. 89.50.

You've got a deal. Now, the problem.

How do I fire Chet without losing him completely?

- Hi, pop. - Say hello to Ralph too.

He just kept us out of the poorhouse.

I sold him all the feeders.

And at a profit.

But these were supposed to be sold at cost to benefit society.

Don't worry about it. I'm a member of society.

Son, there's something else I have to do

and I hope you understand.

Pop, there's something I have to do. Resign.

You mean it?

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, please don't try to talk me out of it, dad.

I mean, I just can't relate

with the profit making organization.

Well, whatever you say, son. Whatever you say.

Come on, I-I'll give you a ride home.

Okay. But first I gotta find my hot glue gun.

I left it somewhere.

Hey, ouch, ouch.

[Harry] I think, we found it.

So, it all worked out. How nice.

Except for Jamie.

I guess, we'll just have to put up with him imitating Chet

being cool and lazy.

Hi everyone. I was just down at the Chronicle

getting my paper route back.

[door closes]

Oh, you mean, you rejoined the establishment?

I was never away.

But you were going around

like a junior hippie.

Barefoot, collecting condor signatures.

Uh, that was one way to butter Chet up.

He promised me a nickel for every signature I got.

You mean, you did it for profit?

Sure, I'd never be anti-materialistic

unless, there was some real dough in it.

[theme music]