Original subtitles

See, already he's beginning to think.

You can do anything you want, son.

Whatever you feel is right for your life.

We won't interfere. You're on your own.

I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.

I guess, I'll get my stuff.

The curtains look soiled.

We can't start him at the top, Irma.

This will give him more incentive to do something

so he can afford a better place.

But look, just a bed and one chair.

Well, that's still one more thing than he ever used at home.

[theme song]

♪ I love my mom and dad and my brothers too ♪

♪ And the groovy way we get along ♪

♪ But every time the slightest little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Mom starts to sing this familiar song ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait Till Your Father Gets Home ♪

♪ Dad's not so bad and he seldom gets mad ♪

♪ And we aren't about to desert him ♪

♪ Kids today like to have their own way ♪

♪ And what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him ♪

♪ I think my mum's just swell ♪

♪ But she starts to yell ♪

♪ Every time we have a fuss ♪

♪ Just wait till your father gets ♪

♪ Until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait Till Your Father Gets Home ♪

♪ You see what I mean? ♪

♪ Wait Till Your Father Gets Home ♪

♪ We know ♪♪

♪♪

[sniffing]

[snarling]

Here he is, pop. I found him.

- Huh? What? - Pop's looking for you.

He's gonna take us bowling.

- Hey, you wanna go? - Count me out.

Friday night's my big night. I don't wanna waste it bowling.

What are you gonna do?

Gee! I'm doing it.

Come on, Chet. Go with us.

You shouldn't just lie around all the time.

But my favorite program's on TV.

- The set isn't even on. - Yeah, I know.

Would you mind flicking the switch on the way out?

Gee, pop, I've already missed ten minutes of it.

♪♪

Hey, only nine more and you've got a spare.

Boy, you sure are a positive thinker.

Don't tell me! Is that Harry Boyle?

It couldn't be. Harry had hair.

[Harry] Well, for crying out loud. Sam and Louise.

- How long has it been? - Fifteen years at least.

- Say, how are the boys? - Great!

Mike's doing well in med school and Bryan just passed the bar.

- Top of his class. - How's your family?

Well, uh, Jamie here is in forth grade.

And Irma is fine. And Alice will be entering college next year.

- You forgot Chet. - Oh, yes. Chet.

Wasn't he studying nuclear physics?

No, that was the point, Dexter boy dear.

Chet's the politician. Don't you remember?

Harry was always saying

Chet was going to be president or nothing.

Alright, I won.

[Sam] Oh, the way things go, we were sure lucky

to have such fine kids.

You never know how they're gonna turn out this day and age.

We could have ended up with a creep like that.

Hiya, pop. I decided to come down after all.

♪♪

Gee, pop. What made you sick?

Oh, let's just forget it.

I'm glad you came down.

Chet, do you remember the Red Fern boys?

Well, Mike's in med school

and Bryan just passed his bar exam.

Hey. Atta sight. A bartender.

- You look sick again, pop. - But don't you miss college?

I mean don't you miss Balzac, and Theroux and Toynbee?

They didn't hang around my group.

What about going to junior college?

[Chet] Pop, I'm still trying to find myself.

I mean, I need time to put it all together.

I can't worry about today. I gotta think about tomorrow.

Today's youth is tomorrow's leader.

Pop

♪♪

It's the affluent society.

And we don't mean to but we give everything to our kids.

There's no challenge. They, they have no ambition.

Chet's biggest accomplishment is forgetting to put out

the trash cans every Tuesday.

I'm sure he has a good brain, dear.

Well, it ought to be good. It's got very low mileage on it.

Stop it, Harry. Don't worry. He'll find himself.

[Chet] Anybody seen my jeans?

Find himself? He can't even find his pants.

You know, Irma, I hate to say this.

But maybe it's time to get him out on his own.

Chet? On his own?

- Well, he's 22. - You wanna kick him out?

Now, now, not kick him out

just sorta gently shove.

Honey, it's our duty.

We owe it to him. For his own good.

But who will feed him and do his laundry

and tuck him in at night?

Tuck him in? That's the whole point.

He's got to learn to stand on his own two feet.

Around here, he can't even lie down unassisted.

- You are kicking me out! - No, no. It's not that at all.

Now, look, you know how you've been saying

you haven't been able to find yourself.

Well, mom and I finally realized

the reason you haven't been able to

is that we've been standing in your way.

It's been our fault.

- It has? - Absolutely.

Why, we've been making far too many demands of your time.

Asking you to put out the trash and bring in the paper

and, uh, get up in the morning.

It just hasn't been fair to you.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yeah. You're kicking me out.

Look at it this way, son.

Wouldn't you like to have your own, uh... pad?

- My own pad? - That's right.

- Some little place where-- - Hey, yeah.

With a view and a big fireplace

and chicks splashing around in the pool?

- Well, not exactly. - And a tennis court.

Parties every night, a waterbed?

You realize of course that you would have to pay for it.

- Pay for it? - Well, I'd help you at first.

Till you got started.

Then you can take over after you find work.

Work?

- Hi, what's doin'? - They want me to move out.

I'm sure you'll feel differently when you hear

what my own brother and sister think of an idea like that.

- Oh, boy! Can I have his room? - I had always wanted that desk.

I'd get his comic books.

[Alice] I'll take his lamp.

Careful, you're getting my rug dirty.

Now, that'll do. Outside, you two.

I wanna talk to Chet.

Yeah, pop. Maybe I should move out.

Then they'd appreciate me. But how do I find a place?

I tell you what, son. I'll find a place if you give it a try.

- Okay? - Well, okay.

It won't be fancy, but I'll make sure

it has good lighting, good heating.

Well, that doesn't matter. Just so it has good acoustics.

[engine rumbling]

Harry, this is the place you picked?

It's just fine.

It's only one short block

from the market and the movie.

What a good that does me. I don't have any money for gas.

[female 1] And also, no pets, no pot, no broads and no booze.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

And remember to open the window

when you turn on the gas heater.

And I want my rent a week in advance.

Why?

Because sometimes people don't remember

to open the window before they turn on the gas heater.

I'm not sure this place will do, Harry.

I looked in the kitchen drawers. There aren't any dessert spoons.

- He'll be fine. - What'll I do all day?

Anything you want.

You're on your own. Do your thing.

What's that? I don't know what my thing is.

See, already he's beginning to think.

You can do anything you want, son.

Whatever you feel is right for your life.

We won't interfere. You're on your own.

I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.

Guess, I'll get my stuff.

The curtains look soiled.

We can't start him at the top, Irma.

This will give him more incentive to do something

so he can afford a better place.

But look. Just a bed and one chair.

Well, that's still one more thing than he ever used at home.

♪♪

Here, Julius, here boy. Got a new job for you.

Since Chet's gone, from now on, you can bring in the paper.

See, paper, pick it up.

Good boy.

Oh, hi, Ralph.

- Do you feel it? - Feel what?

There's something missing.

Something has changed in the neighborhood.

It's so quiet, so calm like like Normandy before D-day.

Anonymous silence is creeping over us.

Oh, yeah. Chet's gone. Took his stereo with him.

Oh, that's it!

Chappler McQueeg thought it was the dawn of judgment day.

Yes, the boy finally decided that time had come to go out

in the world on his own.

Room out, huh?

Well, it wasn't exactly like that.

I guess you miss having him around.

Of course.

But still, it kinda makes you wonder

here's a boy with three years of college

yet as far as all the help he was around here.

He's easily replaced by a highly untrained dog.

♪♪

- Hi. - Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, it's you.

Never mind who I am. Who's sweetheart?

Sorry, dear. I just thought Chet might drop by.

He hasn't called or written.

Not a word from him. Nothing.

He only left yesterday.

Well, I'm worried.

I hope he slept alright.

That's one thing you don't have to worry about.

Chet!

Muah muah muah

Are you alright, dear? Do you feel well?

Oh, you look so thin.

Ah, don't worry, mom. I can take care of myself.

- Hiya, pop. Put her there. - Hi, son. How's it going?

Great. You were right. I dig this being on my own.

- You do? - Sure. Independence.

Ha! You can't beat it. I'm a new man.

Gotta whole new outlook on life. Thanks to you, pop.

Hey, I'll be right back. I'm gonna get my encyclopedias.

Did you hear that? It's working.

And after just one day.

And he wants his encyclopedias.

He's studying. Lighting the lamp of knowledge.

Well, this should do it.

The bulb burned out in the bathroom ceiling.

I need something to stand on.

Looks like the lamp of knowledge is just a 100 watt bulb.

Well, I better get back. Oh that's for you, mom.

For me? Oh, Chet, you shouldn't have.

Your laundry?

You're bringing it home for your mother to do?

Gee! I thought you would be pleased.

I picked it up off the floor and tied it up all by myself.

Well, we can't expect too much at first.

At least he's getting his own meals.

That's right.

And would you call the children?

We're having pot roast tonight.

[door opening]

Oh, boy. Pot roast. I'll get washed up.

♪♪

What's all this?

Well, mom said I could borrow

anything that I wanted.

Including two quarts of milk

a loaf of bread and a whole ham?

Gee, pop, how can I be on my own

if I'm over here sponging meals all the time.

♪♪

[rock and roll music]

Jamie, will you turn that down?

Hi, pop.

I thought you had a place of your own.

[Chet] I do but it doesn't have TV.

How did you miss taking that?

Alright, don't bug me, pop. I'm bushed from my work.

- You got work? - Yeah. At the bank.

- That's wonderful! What bank? - The blood bank.

It's a great job. All you have to do is lie down.

[Irma] I mended your shirts

and I'll get your shoes half-soled in the morning.

And here's some Tapioca pudding.

And some batteries for your radio.

I'll pick up your cleaning tomorrow.

But your tennis racquet won't re-strung until Tuesday and--

Whoa-whoa, hold it, hold it! You call this being independent?

What you've got is cost on room service.

- What's for dinner? - No more dinners.

You've gotta stand on your own two feet.

With holes in my shoes and no blood?

Now, look, Chet, this is for your own good.

I love you, and your mother loves you.

But you can't hang around here anymore.

You'll get no more errands done for you

no more free dinners, no more free gasoline

and no more phoning Escalade.

That's love?

Pot roast is delicious.

We haven't heard from him for a week.

Believe me, Chet's okay. He's probably just pouting.

- May I have some more water? - I'll get it.

Anything you want. Just don't throw me out on the street.

They found a body in the lake but they couldn't identify it.

Now, cut that out!

[howling]

[Harry] And you too.

Can't we just phone to see if he's alright?

Irma, the whole idea is to leave him alone.

Here's your water, sir.

Maybe he's in a hospital some place.

[Harry sighs] Okay, I give up. You can phone him.

[dialing]

Oh, dear, his phone has been disconnected.

Disconnected?

Maybe he took the phone cord and tr...

[howling]

There's no light in his room.

Maybe he hasn't changed his light bulb.

[knocking]

Chet.

It's open.

Chet.

♪♪

Thump

- Well, he's been here. - But where is he?

What happened to him, Harry? Where are his things?

- What's the trouble? - It's my son.

He's gone. Gone!

I told him to open the window when he used the heater.

No, no. It looks like he moved out.

- When did you see him last? - Two, three days ago.

He invited himself to dinner

ate all my food and borrowed five bucks.

Well, at least he is acting normal.

Didn't even leave a note for us?

He can write?

I think we should go to the police.

Irma, he's a strong, healthy kid.

Now, have some faith in him.

- Well, good night, Harry. - Goodnight, dear.

And don't you worry. Believe me. I'm not worried.

Can I hock my father's picture?

What was it, son? Gambling? Women? Booze?

My father.

He wanted me to go to work before I found myself.

No work, no chow.

And then, after I stole the bread crumbs, father

I ate the pigeons.

A-and then I ate the bench and the tree.

I know, my boy. It was a ten-oh-four.

Do you have any last request, lad?

Yes, sir. Tell my pop I forgive him.

And I want him to have my guitar.

And what was the name of the missing person, please?

- Chester Boyle. - My baby.

Well, don't worry, ma'am, he won't go far.

That's what everybody says. But we want him back anyway.

Now, most of the youngsters wander into the park

so we'll check all the swings and teeter-totters.

We'll find little Chester for you.

- Little Chester is 22. - 22?

Then he's an adult, and he can take care of himself, can't he?

Well, let me put it this way.

It's probably better if you wanna have him checked

the swings and the teeter-totters.

He's gonna be alright, dear.

At least now we know Chet isn't in trouble with the police

or in a hospital or anything like that.

Well, I suppose no news is good news.

- Got my lunch, mom? - Here you go, Jamie.

Oh, I meant to tell you.

When you were out yesterday, Chet phoned.

I hope this isn't liver roast again.

He phoned? Jamie, come back here.

How is he? Is he alright?

Where is he and what about his laundry?

I don't know. I didn't pay much attention.

I was watching TV.

Don't you even know where he is?

Yeah, he moved. I wrote it down some place.

Here it is, 312, something road.

- Something? - Gee, pop.

I wrote it with a licorice stick. 312, uh, Skid Road.

Skid Row!

- Sky Road. That's it. - W-where is Sky Road?

I don't know but we'll find it. I'll change outta these clothes.

I don't want it to be too conspicuous

if he is in with some welfare people or something.

Harry, there it is. 312, Sky Road.

[Harry] Welfare's getting outta hand.

- This can't be the place. - We gotta ask.

It's the only address we have.

Handouts at the rear, please.

Uh, excuse me, there's probably some mistake.

But we're looking for Chet Boyle.

Chet? Oh, you mean Chester.

- He lives here? - Yes, madam.

Oh, here he comes now.

[tires screeching]

Hi, mom. Hi, pop. Hey, I did it.

I found myself and found my life's work.

- Isn't it great? - He's become a butcher.

And you are a chauffer for the lady who lives here?

That's right, mom.

I get this room and free food

clothes, laundry, everything.

All I have to do is drive.

Well, at least you'll be sitting up.

That beats the blood bank.

Boy, you were so right, pop.

I never knew the value of hard work. But now, I do.

And I'm gonna hang on to this job for life.

Pop, you're not saying very much.

Well, this is fine, Chet.

But where does it go? What's your future?

Well, we eat at 6:30.

Chet, look, a fry cook can become a chef.

A private can become an officer

but a chauffer is always a chauffer.

What's wrong with starting at the top?

But you're only 22.

You can't spend your whole life like this.

You'll be bored to death.

Bored? With 12 cylinders and built-in stereo?

Man, I found it!

[telephone ringing]

[Chet] Oh, that's Mrs. Martin.

Hiya, sweetheart.

How's my sexy girl today?

Ah, she's 84. But she likes me to talk that way.

Gets your circulation going.

Yeah, baby?

My son, the gigolo chauffer.

[Irma] Harry, it's very natural for a father to want his son

to become chairman of the board or a brain surgeon.

But let's be honest.

- That's not Chet. - Irma, you're right.

I've been demanding too much outta the boy.

After all, what's more important? Success or happiness?

Happiness. That's why I married you.

- You know what I mean. - Yeah.

Well, the truth is I've been on an ego trip.

I'm beginning to realize that I wanted my son to be a big shot.

Not for him but for me.

So maybe, I'll have learned something.

If Chet's found a job that suits him

I should be proud of him no matter what it is.

Harry, you're a wonderful man.

And just to confirm that very thought

I'm taking you out to dinner.

- And no argument. - Who's arguing?

Well, how does it feel to be the mother

of the best chauffer in town?

You mean, the best chauffer in the country.

How about the world?

Our son is the best chauffer in the whole world.

Harry, look out for that idiot.

[tires screeching]

Bang

Oh, hiya, pop.

Gee, I'm sorry, but I-I dropped

my guitar pick on the floor

and was looking for it.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Martin fired you.

But I guess it's understandable.

I mean what with the accident.

Well, in a sense, she did me a favor.

You were right, pop. That was a dumb job.

So boring and with no future.

But you know, it made me realize

there's a whole world out there to conquer.

- It did? - Yeah, life is a challenge.

And I'm gonna meet it.

Maybe I'll go back to college

or find a position that will groom me for success.

There was a book here on promising careers.

Ah, here it is.

Some other time, pop.

First, I've gotta put it all together.

Well, at least our baby is home.

And he may find a good position, yet.

If he does, I got a hunch it will be horizontal.

Well, Harry, you must've been pretty proud

of that kid of yours with that chauffer's job.

Oh, he quit that a couple of weeks ago.

I had a little talk with him and made him realize

there was no future in it.

- You mean it? He quit? - Yes, sir.

It was old dad who kept him from trapping himself

into that low paying, dead end job with Mrs. Martin.

- Did you say Mrs. Martin? - Yeah. Why?

Read your paper. It says a Mrs. Martin passed away.

Left four million dollars to her cat and her new chauffer.

[theme music]