Original subtitles

Alright, we'll all just sit around the house and suffer.

Who's asking you to suffer?

Look, we live in California.

If it keeps on this hot, we can go to the beach.

It's only 30 minutes drive from here.

It's gonna be another scorcher, folks.

We have temperatures soaring.

There's unprecedented heavy traffic

making its way to the beach areas.

Motorists are advised to stay off all west-bound freeways.

Now he tells me!

♪ I love my mom and dad and my brothers too ♪

♪ And with groovy way we get along ♪

♪ Every time the slightest little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Mom starts to sing this familiar song ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets Until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ Dad's not so bad and he seldom gets mad ♪

♪ And we aren't about to desert him ♪

♪ Kids today like to have their own way ♪

♪ And what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him ♪

♪ I think my mom's just swell ♪

♪ But she starts to yell ♪

♪ Every time we have a fuss ♪

♪ Just wait till your father gets ♪

♪ Until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ See what I mean ♪

♪ Wait 'til your father gets home ♪

♪ We know ♪♪

[Harry] Phew! I can't believe the weather this time of year.

What a heat wave!

It's no heat wave, Harry.

I tell you, it's all a Russian plot.

Ralph, how can you suddenly blame the heat on the Russians?

It's them satellites they got flying around up there.

They're really giant heaters blowin' hot air.

It's a deliberate plan to melt America.

So, one thing's for sure.

They've succeeded in melting your brain.

Okay, well you'll find it in the Kremlin secret file

under Operation Hot-Put.

Their plan is obvious.

While we're all sitting in our bathtubs

trying to cool off, they attack.

And the whole country goes down the drain.

- Hi, son. - Hi, pop, want some lemonade?

Oh, thanks. I could really use it.

- That'll be 40 cents. - Forty cents?

The price goes up with the temperature.

But those are my glasses, my lemons and my sugar.

Sure, if I had to buy all that stuff myself

the lemonade would've been a dollar.

Here. It's too hot to argue.

Thanks, pop.

Hi.

Ralph may be right. They've all melted.

- What's for dinner? - I'm sorry, dear.

It's just too hot to cook.

Oh, it's too hot to go to work too, but guess who went.

I was hoping it would cool down tonight.

There's not even a breath of air.

Yeah.

Julius we've raised you since you were a pup.

We feed you, we take you for walks.

Do us a favor now. Wag your tail.

Make a breeze.

Hey, pop, you want some more lemonade?

No, thanks. I can't afford it.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't we take the family and go to an air conditioned movie?

They're all X-rated.

So we won't look. We'll just breathe.

Pop, we found a way to beat the heat.

Oh, what are you gonna do? Fan me with a magazine?

No. This ad.

"Luxuriate in your own private, Olympic size swimming pool."

And it's only 1,995 bucks.

It would be a wonderful thing for you, dear.

You'd be able to relax and cool off

when you come home from the office.

Who'd come home from the office?

I'd have to work every night to pay for the pool.

Oh! Forget it!

But the ad says easy terms.

The terms are always easy.

It's the payments that kill you.

Alright, we'll all just sit around the house and suffer.

Who's asking you to suffer?

Look, we live in California.

If it keeps on this hot, we can go to the beach.

It's only 30 minutes drive from here.

It's gonna be another scorcher, folks.

We have temperatures soaring.

There's unprecedented heavy traffic

making its way to the beach areas.

Motorists are advised to stay off all west-bound freeways.

Now he tells me!

Five dollars! My car isn't worth that much.

Screech

We were closer to the beach when we were home.

This is ridiculous.

What are you complaining about?

We always wanted to be a close family, didn't we?

- I'm starved. - Me too.

Who's gonna get the food?

Hot dog for you. Hamburger for you.

Hot dog for you. Hamburger for you.

Boing

And sand for me.

What was the name of that pool company?

Fine. I'm sure you'll be pleased.

Your yard is perfect for the pool.

When do you think you can get started?

Well, with all this heat

we've got a lot of orders ahead of you.

Of course, if you increase your down payment to, uh, oh, $400

we might be able to move you up on the list a little.

Okay, okay. Make it $400.

Good.

Whittaker, call a red alert.

- What's up, commander? - Commie agents.

They're trying to tunnel into our divisional headquarters.

I don't believe it.

What nerve! In broad daylight.

What are we gonna do with them, commander?

That's what I say. Strangle 'em!

I'd like to smooch too, honey

but first, we've got to take care of the enemy.

Hold it. That's as far as you go.

Que pasa?

Never mind that code talk.

- I'm on to you guys. - What's going on?

I never thought you'd be the leader of the plot, Harry.

- What plot? - Coming at us underground.

Where were you gonna plant the explosives?

Right under my wine cellar, right?

You caught me, Ralph.

I was gonna blow up all your mountain reds.

I hate to use foreign words

but all that fits is "You too, Brutus?"

Oh, Ralph, will you knock it off?

I'm putting in a swimming pool.

Swimming pool? Where's the water?

It's usually put in after the pool is finished.

Swimming pool, huh? No tunnel?

Scouts honor.

Okay, cancel red alert.

Company dismissed.

Now that the crisis is over

I'll take you up on that smoochin' offer.

Move it, sergeant. Move it!

Sara's a great freedom fighter, but she's over-sexed.

You know, I have to admit I'm getting a little excited.

I can't wait for them to finish it.

Yeah, that pool is gonna be real heavy.

I'm glad you talked me into it. It'll be nice.

No crowds, no lines to wait for food, no sand in our face.

And you don't regret spending the money, dear?

Not a bit.

What's money for if you can't spend it

and enjoy yourself?

That doesn't sound like papa.

Are we in the right house?

Yeah, you can't take it with you.

Well, what's for dessert, Irma?

- Fresh strawberries. - Strawberries!

You know what it costs for just a tiny little box? A fortune!

What do you think I am, a millionaire?

We're in the right house.

Good news, Mrs. Boyle. Your pool is finished.

- Already? - That's the way we work.

Once we get started, we really move.

Well, enjoy!

Finished so soon?

They worked very fast, Harry.

Oh, I'll be home early.

We can all have a swim before dinner. See ya.

Finished.

I'm leaving early, Betsy.

My family and I are going to take a dip

in my Olympic-sized pool.

That's it? That's the whole thing?

I'm afraid so.

Who's gonna tell papa?

- Not me. - Count me out.

It's papa. He's home.

Children, we have to do the brave sensible thing.

What's that, ma?

Find a safe place to hide.

I'm home.

Where is everybody?

Oh, I guess they're all out at the pool.

Screech

[Harry] Oh no!

You call that a swimming pool?

Why, it's just big enough for a bird bath!

And only if they bathe one at a time.

It's nowhere near the size of the picture in your ad.

Of course not.

That pool in the picture is $4,000.

It says only $1,995.

From only $1,995.

Where does it say, "From?"

There. See?

We believe in honest advertising.

I want my money back!

The ad also says no refunds. Wanna see it?

No, thanks. I think I get the message.

I'm stuck with a small hole in my backyard

and a big hole in my bank account.

If you want the larger deluxe pool in the ad

we can still do it. Just let me know.

I'd drown myself first but there's not enough water.

Thud

The way I see it, Harry, there's only one way out.

You gotta come up with another 2,000 for the bigger pool.

Ralph, if I could come up with another $2,000

I'd use it to sue that pool company.

I'm so mad I could...

You see what it's doing for me?

It's eating me up inside.

I've got a pool and I can't use it.

Wait a minute. I just had a thought.

Would you be interested in taking in a partner?

- Huh? - I'll put up the other 2,000.

[Ralph] We can bust through the hedge and put in the big pool.

Half on your property and half on mine.

- Oh, I don't know. - It'd be perfect.

We're friends and neighbors, ain't we? Huh, huh?

Okay, partner. You got a deal.

Now, that's what I call a pool.

Leave it to your old buddy Ralph

to come up with a solution, huh?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Huh? Huh?

Yeah, you sure did, pal.

Ah, what about the ground rules?

Should we set up a schedule for when we each use it?

Be my guest. I'm gonna be away all day today anyway.

Vigilante war game.

I'm givin' a class in dirty fighting.

Aren't you a little too old for that?

Watch it, buster. I'll flatten you.

Careful, Harry. You're talking to the geriatric John Wayne.

How'd you like a wall-to-wall nose?

You're out of order Whittaker.

Harry, you know, I've never seen you so relaxed.

Oh, this is the life, Irma.

I've always envied how the other half lives.

All of a sudden, I'm the other half.

Papa, would it be alright if a few of my friends use the pool?

- Well... - Thanks.

Come on. It's okay.

Splash

Let's go, guys.

Splash

It's 15 cents general admission

and a nickel extra if you wanna rent a towel.

For ten cents more you can have a half an hour

on my father's rubber raft.

Irma.

Chet. Where's your mother?

Home. You want me to invite her?

- Never mind. - Here I am, Harry.

This is ridiculous.

I buy a pool for privacy and before I know it

the surf's up in Malibu.

Now, Harry, try to relax.

Relax?

Did you ever see a gold fish relax

in a tank full of piranhas?

Look at that!

I tried diving in five times, I never hit the water once.

Splash

It's the first day, dear.

The novelty will wear off.

How about some lunch?

I'll barbeque a nice hamburger for you.

Okay.

If I can't get near the pool

I might as well eat.

Harry, we're out of root beer.

Will you get some more from the house?

Okay, okay.

Will you do me a favor and hold my place in line?

Irma, do you think you could--

Hey, get in back of the line, mister.

Yeah, no moochin'. Get in line.

At last!

I want mine with onions and relish.

I'm sorry, Harry.

Um, that was the last hamburger.

Figures.

We still have some potato chips.

Well, I can't say I'm not getting my $2,000 worth.

Thud

That did it! Everybody out!

Boing

Sorry I had to do it, kids.

But this is a private pool, not the downtown YMCA.

My fault, papa. Things got out of hand.

I made 275, pop. You can have it if you want.

No thanks. Let's just enjoy the pool by ourselves, and--

Hi, neighbors. Warm day, isn't it?

Yeah, Mr. Adams.

Heard you got a new pool. Sure looks inviting.

Well, we'd love to have you, but, well, it's our first day.

Some other time, huh? You know how it is?

Oh, of course, we understand.

Didn't mean to bother you.

Come, Henrietta dear.

Harry, they live right behind us.

And they're such nice people.

I know, but you got to remember one thing, all of you.

It's not our pool alone.

We share it with Ralph.

And we've got to show the same consideration for him

that he's showing for us.

This way, troops.

I think we have to respect one another's rights.

It's the only decent way to behave.

And if we don't...

Splash

I don't believe it!

What are you gonna do, papa?

I'll show you what I'm gonna do.

Ralph, what's going on?

Just decided to throw in a little amphibious training.

Now, wait a minute.

We built this pool for recreation and relaxation.

Well, I can only relax when I know that

our country is prepared.

Dr. Whittaker, why isn't McCluskey in the pool?

No, no! I can't swim.

In you go, McCluskey, and remember

the penalty for drownin' is court martial.

Now look, Ralph, I want you to get your

over-the-hill gang out of here.

Don't get pushy, Harry.

Remember, I own half this pool

and I'll invite whomsoever I want.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah!

Okay, if that's the way you wanna play it.

Kids, call all your friends and bring 'em back.

And tell 'em to bring their friends.

And their enemies.

Jamie, start selling tickets.

Splash

Boyle, I wanna talk to you.

Well, I wanna talk to you.

I want these hippies and long haired freaks out of my pool.

Yeah? Well, first get your bird brain brigade out of my pool.

Since when is it your pool?

It's just as much mine as yours.

Well, get out of my half.

And you get out of my half.

Okay, we set up a DMZ right down the middle.

- You're north and I'm south. - Alright with me.

Just make sure you stay on your side.

We'll be watching you every minute.

Harry, come to bed.

Who can sleep? It's Weirdsville out there.

I paid for a pool and I wind up with a Normandy beachhead.

Thud

Harry, what are you doing?

The patrol left and I'm going swimming.

- At 3:00 in the morning? - That's right.

This will be the first time since I got the pool

that I'll be able to swim in peace and quiet.

Splash

What's all the commotion?

He was on our side of the pool, commander.

A clear violation of maritime law.

Good work, sergeant. Dismissed.

Thanks. Can I go skinny dipping now?

I said dismissed.

I've had it, Ralph. We can't go on this way.

Tomorrow morning we've gotta do some serious talking.

Okay, if that's the way you feel

I'll sell you my half of the pool. Buy me out.

I'm broke. You buy me out.

- Okay it's a deal. - Good.

Can you loan me the money, Harry.

Look, we've got to find a sensible solution.

I got it. We can both get out clean.

All we got to do is sell the pool.

Sell the pool? How do you sell a pool?

What do you do? Walk through the neighborhood

and try to sell it door to door?

Or take it to a used pool lot?

We can tell him it was only used by a little old lady

doing the backstroke.

Okay, you got any better ideas huh?

Well, looks like we're stuck.

Hi, neighbor. Another warm day, isn't it?

Maybe we're not.

Good morning!

Uh, you said we could come back sometime.

Uh, would it be alright if we used the pool today?

Of course.

In fact, how would you like to use it every day?

Right in your own backyard?

Oh, dear. How could we do that?

Simple. We just move this back wall

down to the other side of the pool and we sell you

the whole package and for a very reasonable price.

Think of it.

Your very own pool

with all the luxury and comfort

and privacy that goes with it.

Now why didn't I think of this before?

You can't swim too many laps, but it keeps you cool.

[Irma laughs] It's silly, but it's fun!

Uh, would it be alright if we used, uh, your pool?

Well, what's wrong with the pool we sold you?

It's so full of kids and relatives and neighbors

we can't get in.

Ha ha ha! Be our guest.