Original subtitles

Did you hear? Huh, huh, huh? Did you hear?

The prowler struck again last night at Steven's house.

With those patrols out, Rommel couldn't have gotten through.

It was dirty pool.

He did it while everybody was at my house last night.

I knew that meeting would get results.

Obviously, it's somebody who knows

what's going on around here.

Which gives me a lead on a few suspects.

Like who?

Like Rosenbloom, Polanski and that colored guy who moved in.

- He's a superior court judge. - He could be moonlighting.

All this insanity.

If this keeps up, a helicopter's gonna fly over

and drop a net on this whole neighborhood.

♪ I love my mom and dad and my brothers too ♪

♪ And the groovy way we get along ♪

♪ But every time the slightest little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Mom starts to sing this familiar song ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ Dad's not so bad and he seldom gets mad ♪

♪ And we aren't about to desert him ♪

♪ Kids today like to have their own way ♪

♪ And what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him ♪

♪ I think my mom's just swell ♪

♪ But she starts to yell ♪

♪ Every time we have a ruck ♪

♪ Just wait till your father gets ♪

♪ Until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

[Alice] You see what I mean?

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪♪

[Alice] We know.

Imagine, $32 for this.

Well, that used to feed a whole family for a week.

And this won't even last us till dinner.

Well, Harry, we did buy meat.

Yeah, ground gristle for the dog.

If you want chuck roast

you have to buy it at New York Stock Exchange.

What can we do? The cost of living is high.

And pricey funerals. We can't afford to drop that either.

Glad I caught you, Harry.

There's been another robbery in the neighborhood.

I know. I'm the victim.

No, it's the prowler.

Hit the Rosen house earlier this morning.

That's the third one this week.

Obviously, a commie pinko. He took almost everything

but he didn't steal their American flag.

Maybe he just saluted it on the way out the window.

The older vigilantes have called

a meeting of the whole neighborhood at my house.

Oh, Ralph. Don't you think this is a matter for the police?

Are you kidding?

Haven't you seen what's happening to the force lately?

They have been infiltrated by Blacks, 'Xicanos

and even college graduates.

So fired up, they ask questions before they shoot.

Well, I still think--

It's gonna be a big crowd. I'm supplying coffee

and hand grenades. Pass the word. 8 o'clock.

I know you'll be disappointed with the ground gristle.

But the regular dog food, we're eating.

[Harry] Hey, that's very good, Alice.

- You've got a lot of talent. - Thank you, papa.

Of course, Chet is a wonderful model.

[Harry] He should be. He's a better still life than bowl of fruit.

Did Ralph find you, Pa?

I'm a little worried about that prowler.

I envy his father.

At least he's got a son who's working on something.

He might steal my stereo.

Oh, if I could be sure of that, I'd let him in personally.

Well, I'm not worried.

I moved all my bonds into my safe deposit box.

Great kid! I hope someday you'll trust me enough

to tell me the number of your Swiss bank account.

Harry, the whole neighborhood's at the meeting.

How's it gonna look if we're not there?

I don't care.

I don't believe in people taking the law into their own hands.

Besides, we've got a watchdog to protect us.

Okay. So he's off duty right now.

What's that?

Nothing to worry about.

Sergeant Whitaker's just parking our tank in your driveway.

Tank?

Before long, he'll be able to give military aid

to the United States.

When Pentagon is ready to talk, I'm ready to talk.

That's gonna tear up the whole yard.

No, no. We're very protective of the environment.

We use non-polluting natural gas in the flamethrower.

Really?

But with Whitaker driving

you better bring in your garbage can.

Clang clang clang

On second thought, maybe you don't have to.

Well, they're easy to move now.

I can throw 'em like a frisbee.

Come on, Harry. Total defense means total sacrifice.

- Coming to the meeting? - Yeah.

We'll be right over.

Harry, you changed your mind.

I had to. That nut is ready to start a war.

Now I think there oughta be one normal citizen there to stop it.

We will begin with an invocation

from our vigilante Chaplin Reverend McQuaig.

Let us reason tonight.

With hearts full of understanding and compassion.

And when we catch this freak

we'll hang him on the nearest tree!

Amen.

He forgot to bless the rope.

Well, we all know why we're here.

There's a prowler molesting our neighborhood.

And we gotta take matters into our own hands, right?

- Right. - Right.

I think we oughta let the police handle this situation.

- You're out of order. - On what ground?

Rule 6. We don't like what you're saying.

My friends, the danger is obvious.

These robberies are all part of an international conspiracy

directed from the Kremlin in Peking

and financed by Japanese transistor companies.

How come you left out Cuba?

[Ralph] They're using Cuba as their hideouts.

He got it.

It starts with neighborhood robberies

then they go for the throat.

Fort Knox, the mint, the US treasury.

America goes broke, the enemy attacks.

While everybody's out on street corners selling apples.

- Wow! - Shh!

But we ain't gonna let it happen.

If you've got the all red, white and blue in your corpuscles

you'll stand up and fight against the Yellow Peril.

Fred, what are you doing?

I don't want the Yellow Peril to take over.

Harry and Irma, aren't you with us?

[Harry] I told you how I feel.

Alright. You have the American right to disagree.

For the record

will the secretary put down unanimous.

Beginning tonight, we'll set up a 24-hour neighborhood patrol.

Armbands and weapons will be issued.

Remember, the tree is waiting.

Now, open your song books to number 12.

Love. Sweet love.

I still can't get over it. They've brainwashed them all.

- Even Fred? - Yeah. Fred.

That's all we need in the neighborhood.

An armed pediatrician.

Well, let's try and get some sleep, Harry.

It's been a wild night.

Click

Post number one. All clear.

Post number two, all clear.

Post number three, all clear.

I liked the neighborhood better when the prowler was around.

At least he was quiet. A guy could get some sleep.

I'm wide awake. I might as well read.

Go ahead. There's your light.

There goes Patton heading for Normandy.

Hand me that magazine. I'm gonna read too.

This can't be happening.

[Ralph] Turn off your lights, Harry Boyle.

It's two minutes after curfew.

We better turn 'em off, Irma

before some friendly neighbor shoots them out.

Did you hear? Huh, huh, huh? Did you hear?

The prowler struck again last night at Steven's house.

With those patrols out, Rommel couldn't have gotten through.

It was dirty pool.

He did it while everybody was at my house last night.

I knew that meeting would get results.

Obviously, it's somebody who knows

what's going on around here.

- Which gives me a few suspects. - Like who?

Like Rosenbloom, Polanski and that colored guy who moved in.

- He's a superior court judge. - He could be moonlighting.

All this insanity.

If this keeps up, a helicopter's gonna fly over

and drop a net on this whole neighborhood.

Just protecting our safety.

By the way, would you like to

chip in on some flowers for Mr. Anderson?

He's in hospital with a broken leg.

What happened?

His wife set a bear trap in front of their door.

Forgot to tell him.

I'm taking the dog for a walk.

Do you think it's a good idea

with everything that's going on out there?

Don't worry. Ralph gave me the password for the night.

- Password? - Yeah.

Would you believe it? It's Tinkerbell.

- What's going on? - What's the password?

Fred, it's me. Harry Boyle.

Alright. Tinkerbell. Now, who's that?

I caught him, Harry. I caught him, the prowler.

He was trying to steal that lawnmower.

Fred, that's your neighbor, Willy Harris.

And that's his lawnmower.

He always mows his lawn at night.

Oh! Uh, fortunately, I'm a physician.

I know how to set a broken arm.

Great, huh? Neighbor against neighbor.

Pretty soon, you'll be turning in that French Poodle next door

who's the mother of your children.

Grrr

Yeah, it's getting to you too, huh?

- Harry. Harry, wake up. - What, what, what?

Jamie's got a little sore throat.

I don't think he should deliver his newspapers this morning.

Okay, okay. Let Chet do it.

I already asked him. He's too tired.

Oh, I forgot. It's Sunday.

And he has to rest up from loafing all week.

- Harry. - Alright.

I'll deliver the papers.

That Chet.

You carried him for nine months

and I've been carrying him ever since.

Uh-oh. Wild pitch. Come on.

They'll never be able to find it in those in bushes.

It's him. It's the prowler.

- No, no, lady, I'm just-- - Stop it! Stop!

The prowler!

The prowler. The prowler.

Stop! Cease! Commie!

We made it. We're in the clear.

Rumble

crash

Darn it! I missed him.

I told you not to drive that without your bifocal goggles.

But we all got a pretty good look at him.

I think now we can identify him.

Well, it's been a real fun morning, hasn't it?

Especially, if you're the sort who likes to start the day

being run over by a tank.

gulp

Ralph, he's got the whole neighborhood trigger happy.

Only good thing they were all so hysterical

nobody recognized us.

Harry, what have you been up to?

- What do you mean? - You're so messy.

- Look at your hands. - Oh, that.

Well that's just ink from the newspapers.

Well, just wash up, dear. Breakfast is ready.

Jamie really appreciates what you did.

There aren't many fathers who'd have helped deliver papers.

Yeah. There aren't many fathers

who can run a four-minute mile inside a garbage can either.

Mmm, these pancakes are great.

Hey, mom, your breakfast is getting cold.

Thanks for calling. Bye-bye.

That was Fred. They almost caught the prowler this morning.

The prowler. The prowler.

Isn't there something else to talk about around here?

Well, I did wanna discuss raising my allowance.

Oh, great. If it's not one robber, it's another.

Sorry to barge in like this, Irma

but it's official business.

We're about to close in on the prowler.

Y-you are?

Right. Come in, ladies.

Look, I can explain the whole thing.

- You see-- - Harry, please don't interrupt.

We wanna ask Alice if she'll make a drawing for us.

A drawing?

You see, the girls here got a look at the crook this morning.

But not enough to identify him.

That's great!

I mean, that's a great disappointment.

But if you put together what each lady saw

we'd have a complete picture, and, bingo, we've got him.

What a wonderful idea. I'll make more coffee.

Won't this be fun, Harry?

Uh, look, Ralph. You're wasting your time. Alice can't draw.

But, papa, you said I had a lot of talent.

For 16 years, you never listen to a thing I've said.

You had to listen to that?

Just watch, papa. It may surprise you.

- Uh, may surprise everyone. - Let's get started.

I can't wait to see what he looks like before we hang him.

If you'll excuse me, I have some gardening to do.

Main thing I remember, he wore a floppy old fishing hat.

And he had a dog with him.

- What kind of dog? - That's be big black dog huh?

No, just a silly looking mutt.

Never mind that. Let's get his minority group first.

- What color was he? - Color?

Yeah. Was he black, brown, red? This will be very helpful

coming from a solid citizen like you of high character.

- But he was white. - White? You've been drinking?

- I'm sure of it. - Then it was probably make-up.

Was his hat something like that?

Yeah. And he had a great big nose.

And small little eyes, close together.

And he wore an old sweater.

And we know he lives in the neighborhood.

Any idea who'd might be, pop?

I don't know from nothin'. I gotta do my gardenin'.

Eyes closer. Move the ears up.

Little pointy eyebrows. Double chin.

Is that him?

- Perfect! - Right on!

The splitting image.

Sure looks familiar, but I can't quite place the face.

Well, it was a half-brained idea anyway.

Well, I'm sure you did the best you could, Alice.

[Harry] Well, might as well get rid of this.

Here's the coffee.

Oh, why, Alice. What a lovely picture of your father.

It is papa!

The prowler is Harry Boyle.

Oh, come on.

You mean to say that looks the slightest bit like me?

Well, that's ridiculous. I mean, where are my dimples?

It all adds up. El addo.

You've been against us all along.

You didn't stand up when we asked for volunteers.

And you left the meeting early.

That's when you robbed the Stayman house.

But it couldn't have. He came home with me.

You're a loyal wife, Irma, lying to protect your man.

But the rap isn't worth it.

- It can't be papa. - Absolutely not.

- It's him alright. - That's the bum.

- He did it. - That's the culprit.

[Alice] He did not.

[Chet] It's ridiculous.

Now, hold it.

Alright, I was the one they saw

but I was just delivering papers for Jamie

because he has a sore throat.

Sore throat, huh?

Get the rope. He's gonna have the sore throat.

I'm calling Chaplin McQuaig.

He keeps a rope in his car with his song books.

- Oh, now hold that. - Let's take him.

Does anybody here own that tank out there?

It's double parked.

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.

Now, what's going on here?

Nothing to bother about, officer.

You're obviously busy with important things

like parking tickets.

We certainly could handle a simple lynching by ourselves.

Alright, now, let me see if I've got this straight.

This is crazy.

Look, I'm a solid solvent citizen.

I own my own home and my own business.

Alright, what were you doing out there this morning?

Delivering newspapers.

He always behaves suspiciously.

He doesn't even own any guns.

I tell ya, I'm innocent.

Innocent people don't run to the fuzz for protection.

I'm here because I believe in due process of law.

Due process.

You hear that commie talk, Sarge?

What's more, I have a hundred witnesses to testify

I wasn't anywhere near those robberies.

Typical subversive trying to squirm out on a technicality.

Well, I think this is a matter for the court to decide.

Why bother with all that judge and jury junk?

All we need is a blindfold and a cigarette.

Courtroom's just a waste of the tax payer's money.

I'm a tax payer. So waste it.

- Well, he does have his rights. - What about my rights?

What's this country coming to when a decent

natural born citizen can't even string up a neighbor?

I'll put it down for Tuesday before Judge Fenton.

- A fine idea. - Now you're being sensible.

Good ol' Wilbur. Wilbur Fenton.

The judge is my son-in-law.

Now, there's nothing to worry about, Harry.

They'll all soon realize the truth.

The truth doesn't seem to interest anyone.

Not when there's a hothead like Ralph stirring them up.

Pop, be logical.

There's nothing against you but circumstantial evidence.

- Right, mom? - Right.

- Nobody's gonna believe it. - Nobody.

So what if you were in the bushes outside Mrs. Gibbs?

And what if Mrs. Jensen saw you running away

and Mrs. Whitaker too?

And what if you did leave the meeting early

the night the Staymans were robbed?

Still you can't possibly be the prowler. Right, mom?

- Well? - Why, Harry? Why?

We always had enough without that, didn't we?

- Irma. - Oh.

Sorry, dear. I got carried away.

Hey, somebody threw in a rock. With a note attached.

[Alice] What does it say?

"Hanging is still good for you you fake signed Eddie Jones.

"P.S., Please excuse the pencil."

Oh, ignore it, Harry.

After all, there's no RSVP on it.

I'm not gonna ignore it. I'm gonna go get that Eddie.

I'll go with you, and Julius too.

Now, hold it.

I do appreciate everyone's loyalty

but let's leave the violence to the law and order bunch, huh?

You're not gonna open that door, are you?

When Harry Boyle's doorbell rings

Harry Boyle answers.

Hey, Harry, a little problem.

I'm in charge of the justifiably outraged citizens

surrounding your house and, uh...

- Well... - Yeah?

I was wondering, could I have my rock back?

What?

We have three more threatening messages

but Whitaker only brought one rock.

Okay.

Provided you keep throwing it in through the same window.

No more broken glass?

Gee, Harry, that isn't very constructive vandalism.

Take it or leave it.

Okay. But for an old friend

you're sure not very cooperative.

- Those are the breaks. - Hm. One more thing.

The mob out there have to stick around and harass you all night.

So we'd like you to leave your back door open.

Why?

So they can come in and use your bathroom.

Well, after all, you are a neighbor.

You'll feel better after a good night's sleep, dear.

You live in a neighborhood for years.

You try to be a solid citizen.

Then just one nut points a finger at you

and right away, you're Count Dracula.

The judge will throw the case right out of court.

Uh, you forget he's Whitaker's son-in-law.

I could be railroaded.

It happens. Why, I might end up in prison. Or worse.

It's time, Hotfingers Harry.

Couldn't you get through to the governor?

He couldn't be disturbed.

He was on the set shooting "Death Valley Days."

I'm innocent, I tell you. Innocent.

Now, son, you're getting to be an awful bore about that.

I gotta shave your legs, Harry.

You got any last requests about the kind of lotion you want?

Hey, get your hands off of me. Let me go!

Harry?

Harry, you're having a nightmare.

What? What? Oh, oh!

Yeah, I guess I was.

Uh, if dreams come true, Irma

you can take back half of our his and hers towels.

You poor dear.

Maybe a little fresh air would help.

The prowler!

Hey!

I got him!

Like we figured, he was trying to jump bail.

Good work. He was probably going to hijack a plane to Moscow.

In my pajamas?

That's the prowler. I caught him trying to rob my house.

You sure? he looks like a clean cut American to me.

And besides, he's cute.

Oh for Pete's sake, will you look?

Well, how about that?

Fell right into our trap.

Since he's not a neighbor, you can turn him over to the police.

Right. But first I'll take him by my place.

Let him freshen up.

A glass or two of wine.

Some soft music.

- Sergeant. - Alright, to the cops.

No finders-keepers. What a chicken outfit.

I knew all along it wasn't you, old pal.

I'm going to personally expose all the commie pinkos

who tried to slander your name.

Hup, hoo, hee, haa.

Harry Boyle, for helping apprehend that commie prowler

we present you the vigilante medal of valor.

Thanks, Ralph.

But all I want is for everybody to settle down again.

We do too, Harry.

We really learnt our lesson.

Hereafter, no hysteria, no more craziness.

Now, your medal.

It's gone! Someone stole it.

Back to full alert. There's another prowler loose.

Mayday. Everybody report in. Bring your sticks and stones.

Post number one. Ready.

Post number two. Ready.

- Post number three. Ready.& - I give up.

Not so fast. Empty your pockets, Boyle.

You think I stole my own medal?

Why not? After all, you do have a record.