Original subtitles

That must be the pinko, Mr. Big with the money from Moscow.

Get the man and get that bag!

Quiet, will you? It's me.

♪ I love my mom and dad and my brothers too ♪

♪ And with groovy way we get along ♪

♪ Every time the slightest little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Mom starts to sing this familiar song ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ Dad's not so bad and he seldom gets mad ♪

♪ And we aren't about to desert him ♪

♪ Kids today like to have their own way ♪

♪ And what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him ♪

♪ I think my mom's just swell ♪

♪ But she starts to yell ♪

♪ Every time we have a fuss ♪

♪ Just wait till your father gets until your father gets ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ See what I mean ♪

♪ Wait till your father gets home ♪

♪ We know ♪♪

Thanks for the lift, Harry. See you in the morning.

Is that you, dear?

I'm not sure. You better check my dog tags.

Irma I need a drink.

One lemonade coming up.

Lemonade? I'm talking martini.

Lemons have vitamin C.

Honey, please, my problem is not scurvy. It's survival.

You'll feel better after you eat.

Uh, we'll have dinner in a minute.

- Did somebody say dinner? - In a minute, Alice.

Oh, good!

I'm starving on this diet.

She went to four different doctors

and got four different diets.

And that adds up to 12 meals a day.

Sorry, pop. But you're three weeks behind on your bill.

I'm your father.

You can't run a newspaper route on sentiment.

Well, at least I know there'll be somebody

to take care of me in my old age.

Don't worry, pop.

I'll always have a place for you

if you can still ride a bike.

Irma, tell Chet to turn his phonograph down.

Ah, that's not the phonograph, dear.

Chet's entertaining a friend.

You call that entertainment?

Oh, I don't know, Irma.

When I was young, I made a wish.

I wished for my own business, my own home, my own family.

Why did it all have to come true?

I, uh, thought I knew every kid in the neighborhood.

You live around here, Claude?

Sometimes here, sometimes there.

Like, the idea of living in one place is old-fashioned.

♪ I live in a great big house I call the universe ♪

♪ The planets and the stars they are my home ♪♪

- Ain't that terrific, dad? - Sensational.

And what an honor, out of the whole universe

he picked our place as his kitchen.

Are you a student, Claude?

Mm-hmm. Applied, you know, humanity.

Right now I'm studying all of you.

[Harry] In between bites.

Claude is basically a philosophical

non-conformist, dad.

Oh! Unemployed, huh?

I mean, if you mean, do I, uh, work for money?

The answer is no.

♪ Money can't buy the sunset ♪

♪ Money can't buy the dong ♪

♪ Diamonds and gold are for the old ♪

♪ The young want a new world born ♪♪

He writes all his own stuff, dad.

No kidding! I thought it was Irving Berlin.

Oh, yeah, the world's crumbling all around us

because of the over-importance your generation gives to money.

It's really meaningless.

Well, I wish you'd tell that to the butcher.

That steak you put away cost

two dollars and eighty cents a pound.

Oh, well i-it's getting late, boys.

Oh, mom, I wanna see the ending.

Take my word for it.

Doctor Welby doesn't run off with the gypsy.

Well, it's been, uh, an experience.

Uh, y-yes, uh, please come again.

Uh, I sorta asked Claude to stay overnight.

We've got a lot of things to talk about.

Well, I guess, it's alright. Uh, isn't it dear?

Huh? Oh! Oh, sure.

Uh, I-I'll say goodbye to you now.

I gotta get up very early to go to W-O-R-K.

I hate to use that awful four-letter word

in front of the kids.

[Ralph whispering] Psst! Harry! Hey, Harry!

- Ralph? - Hold it, Harry.

Don't act like you're talking to anyone.

What is this?

Lucky I saw him through your window.

That long-haired commie's holding

your family hostage, isn't he Harry? Huh, huh?

Hostage? Oh, come on, Ralph.

Shh. You're moving your lips again, Harry.

You'll foul up the rescue.

Just step your foot once for yes, twice for no.

- Now, is he carrying a gun? - No.

The foot, Harry! The foot!

You got to look nonchalant.

- Light up a cigarette. - I don't smoke.

This is no time for moralizing with your loved ones in danger.

He's only one of Chet's friends. Relax, will ya?

Oh, you shouldn't have done that, Harry!

You blew my cover!

He'll be leaving this morning anyway.

Come on now. You want a ride into town or don't you?

Yeah, okay. But I still think you got a trouble maker here.

I heard him singing those anti-American songs

about peace and freedom.

Believe me, there won't be any problems.

I'll double guarantee it. Company B vigilantes!

Maintain the surveillance.

Harry!

Did I ever tell you you've got

the tastiest little neck in town?

[Irma laughs] I didn't know you tasted them all.

Well, I may have missed a few.

Well, you're in a good mood tonight.

Why not? I landed the biggest order of the month today.

And I come home to my beautiful wife and happy household.

♪ You're pollutin' my Earth with progress ♪

♪ You're killin' my world for gold ♪♪

- He's back? - He never left.

- Hi, dad. - Man, don't they ever knock?

I never like long goodbyes, Claude, so...

Oh, wait a second, dad.

You see, Claude's got no place to go.

What's wrong with his own home?

Well, he doesn't get along too good with his folks.

Already, I like them.

Just let him stay a few days, dad.

Until he finds himself.

I'm not sure it's worth looking.

Harry.

- I'll be right back! - We'll be here.

Now, calm down, dear.

Here's an opportunity to show Chet that

we're the kind of parents who are understanding.

Oh, I'm understanding.

And one of the things I understand

is that I can't understand that kid!

But he's Chet's friend. Chet admires him.

If we turn Claude away

we take the chance of losing Chet too.

Oh, but anyone would have to be

a jackass to be influenced by that Claude.

And my son Chet is certainly no...

- You really think so? - It's happening everywhere.

It's just for a few days. He won't be in the way.

Well, maybe you're right.

At least we won't have to wait for him to

get out of the bathtub.

Well, some people just don't care

how they pollute the atmosphere.

You're playing good Samaritan, huh, Harry?

Oh, hi, Ralph. Care for a hamburger?

No, thanks. Stomach's on the blink.

I think I've got one of those 24 hour bugs.

You're lucky. Mine is here indefinitely.

Get rid of him, Harry, or the same thing

will happen to you that happened to the church.

What happened to the church?

I saw them playing bingo the other night.

You know what the numbers are printed on?

- Ping-pong balls? - Right. Ping-pong balls.

The Red Chinese are taking over the church.

Oh, well, I don't think it's quite that bad, Ralph.

Get wise, Harry, or you'll wake up one morning

and you'll be having egg rolls with your coffee.

Here are the dishes, dear.

Our good China? We always use paper plates.

Oh well, Claude's against paper plate.

Yeah, and the way we've been using them

Claude says you must be a deep down tree-hater.

That's not true!

I can honestly say, in all my life

I never met a tree I didn't like.

But to get those paper plates, you had to kill a tree.

And to get those French fries we'd to kill a potato.

That's one for the home team.

[Claude] The main problem is the non-biodegradable stuff.

You conspicuous consumers

are making this planet a garbage dump.

Hey, I got a good idea, Claude.

Why don't you try another planet?

Why does Chet bring those kind of bums here?

What are we? A-a comfort stop in the underground railroad?

Now, dear, you really don't mind giving Claude a few meals.

But I do mind all his lectures

on how I'm selling my soul for a-a weekly paycheck.

He only says that because he's never had a job.

Wait a minute.

That's it! That's beautiful!

Oh, you-you really like it, Harry?

[Harry] Your idea! The job!

I'll give Claude a job at the plant.

Then when he sees his paychecks rolling in

he won't be knocking 'em anymore.

Uh, but I don't think--

And since he influences Chet

so much, he might even get

himself a job too.

Oh, what a miracle that would be.

Ah, but Claude doesn't believe in jobs dear.

You heard him talk.

Yeah, that's all it is, talk.

Believe me, Irma, he'll grab it.

Inside every one of those longed-hair protesters

there's a crew-cut capitalist just itching to get out.

And those are glass percolator tops.

We buy them from Poland.

Wow, look how they sparkle, man.

You see? We're even helping people behind the iron curtain.

With the money from us, they can buy airline tickets and escape.

Shiny, shiny, shiny.

We, uh, could use another man here in shipping.

You mean you're offering me a job?

Uh, phone call for you in the office, boss.

I'll get a timecard for you to sign.

Uh, how did you make out with Claude?

[Harry] No problem at all.

You should see the way his anti-materialism eyes lit up

when I mentioned the old do-re-mi.

I'm filling out his timecard right now.

Claude? Claude?

Claude?

Hey, Claude, where are you?

Hey! Where is everybody?

[Claude] Let's try it again.

♪ I'm tired of toiling and struggling ♪

♪ That good life is coming one day ♪

♪ No point in puttin' in your time in ♪

♪ And getting lost along the way ♪♪

Well we hit a milestone

at the Boyle Restaurant Supply Plant.

Twenty five years in business

and today we had our first music festival.

The whole plant clappin' and singin'.

- Harry, you're exaggerating. - Exaggerating?

The bowling alley next door called

to complain about the noise.

Irma, let me throw that bum out?

Harry, it's not that bad.

Have a warm glass of milk

and you'll be able to get some sleep.

Well, maybe you're right, honey.

[Harry] The human-dispose-all has struck again.

Harry, you're getting upset again.

Without my money, that freeloader would starve.

Irma, I think, I just said something beautiful.

Yeah! I've got a foolproof plan to get rid of our friend.

♪ Life becomes milk and honey ♪

♪ When you don't worry about evil old money ♪♪

Mornin', everyone.

Love, peace, clean air

and a good life to all of you.

- Aren't you going to work? - Nope.

I've been listening to Claude, you and your sister.

And I finally got your message.

So, I'm closing up the business.

And starting today

we're all throwing off the yoke of materialism.

I don't think I'm gonna like this.

♪ Of money I divest ♪

♪ I'm no longer obsessed ♪

♪ Thanks to my guest ♪

♪ I have reached the crest ♪♪

Between Claude and pop

this place is becoming a regular Woodstock.

Oh, no! Another wunch.

Well, he's turning this place into a commune.

Well, we'll see about this.

Harry Boyle, I wanna see you.

- What is it, Ralph? - Harry? Harry, is that you?

[Chet] Sure is. He's become one of us. Right, pop?

- Yeah, well... - How do you say it, pop?

You're throwing off the yoke of materialism.

Uh, look, Ralph, t-this isn't what it seems to--

Don't touch me!

So you've thrown off the yoke of materialism, huh?

Where did you learn that? From your friends in Moscow?

- Ralph, will you listen? - I'm not surprised.

I knew you were the weak link in the neighborhood.

What did they offer you to sellout, huh?

Ralph, nobody offered me anything!

Then why are you wearing that subversive shirt?

- Love is subversive? - Come clean, Harry.

You're making hand grenades in the basement.

Oh, for goodness sake, Ralph! You've known me for 15 years.

- I'm Harry Boyle, remember? - Boyle, huh?

What's your real name?

Lunch is ready. Oh, hi, Ralph.

Don't hi me, Mrs. Boyleufsky.

What was that all about?

My clothes set him off.

Ralph thinks we're gonna overthrow Elm Street.

Really! Well, ready for lunch?

You made it like we planned?

Well, shall we go serve Claude his farewell meal?

Well, I've gotta hand it to you, Mr. Boyle.

Seeing the light and giving up the business just like that.

Well, I owe it all to you and my children.

Say, pop, I've got to use the car.

Can I borrow your gasoline credit card?

- We don't have it anymore. - Gee!

I was gonna the ghetto and work with the poor.

Well, you won't have to travel to work with the poor anymore.

Now you can roll out of bed and be at the office.

Here we are.

I don't think that's gonna be enough salad for all of us, mom.

That's not salad. That's your lunch.

That's lunch?

With no money, we're gonna have to

tighten our belts around here.

This is what our meals are going to be like from now on.

- Well, shall we dig in? - Yes, indeed.

♪ Food from the ground is the best around ♪

♪ Man don't have to be wealthy ♪

♪ To eat the food that's healthy ♪♪

Well, what now, Harry?

He went through those vegetables like Bugs Bunny.

Yeah. But this is just the first meal.

Wait till he get more rounds of turnips and onions.

Believe me, he'll be gone.

♪ Greens are great come on clean your plates ♪♪

If I see another carrot, I'll go crazy.

It's just Jamie I'm concerned about.

A hamburger?

Yep. One of the benefits of being materialistic.

You bought it?

But it meant breaking one of my ironclad rules.

I had to dip into working capital.

Goodnight, mom. Goodnight, pop.

Mmm, that hamburger sure taste good.

Yeah.

If the boys aren't watching

I might get away with it.

Oh, relax, will you?

Just give me two giant burgers to go with everything.

[Ralph] Hold it! Freeze!

That must be the pinko, Mr. Big with the money from Moscow.

Get the man and get that bag!

Quiet, will ya? It's me.

- Well? - That crazy Ralph.

But at least I got'em.

Two king-sized burgers with everything on 'em.

Oh, what if one of the kids comes in?

Well, let 'em buy their own burgers.

Ah, you're right, Irma.

If they found us with these, burgers

it'll blow the whole deal.

We gotta find a place where they wouldn't come in.

Food isn't bad. We should come here more often.

Mmm. They're delicious!

But I wish they weren't so messy.

Huh? But that's another asset meeting here.

In a restaurant, all you get is a fingerbowl.

Here we can jump right in the tub.

[Ralph] Alright, Move it! Move it! Move it!

- What's going on out there? - I don't know.

Hey, it's coming from out here.

What is it, Harry?

He's building another Berlin wall.

[Ralph] More bricks, more bricks.

Come on, I want this done by morning.

Ralph, what are you doing?

What am I doing, eh?

Come on, Comrade Boyleufsky.

You must have seen a wall like this when you visited Peking.

Ralph, a fence is one thing

but that's about 12 feet high.

That's right. Ask your little yellow friends about it.

It's for protection.

High enough so you can't go lopping

any of them hand grenades over it.

Ralph, you're a nut!

Let me get him.

Easy, easy. Hold it, Whittaker.

You're insulting a commanding officer, you better knock it off

or I might not be able to restrain her.

Go make your report to Moscow

and tell 'em Company B is waiting and ready for 'em.

I'd like to give that pinko one karate chop.

Medic, medic!

Irma, I have had it. I'm through.

Smuggling foods, eating in bathrooms.

Neighbors building walls. No more.

First thing tomorrow I'm tossing nature boy out on his ear.

Alright, Claude, good morning and goodbye.

- Where is everyone? - Out back.

Look, uh, somebody must have called the TV news.

Can you tell me why you're building this wall, sir?

No comment. All news media is pinko.

It'll only twist it and turn it. So go away.

- We have a little problem here. - What's that?

[Ralph] Sergeant Whittaker here must have dozed off last night.

In the darkness the wall was cemented right over her leg.

Hello, Henry, and my niece Sharon and Scraken.

Grandma's just fine. See y'all at Thanksgiving.

Bye-bye.

Have the decency to leave a gallant

fallen soldier undisturbed.

Do you know anything about this?

I'd like to say...

♪ This whole world will fall if a man builds a wall ♪

♪ Killin' in a cage let's make the world a stage ♪♪

I just made that up.

And that seems to be the latest

on the great wall story on Elm Street.

♪ I write songs and sing on just about everything ho ♪♪

And now back to our studio.

Say, wasn't Claude, great?

Chet, I've decided something.

He might as well hear this too. Claude?

Now look, son, I may be taking a chance

but I've gotta be honest with you.

- Harry, are you sure? - Absolutely.

Guess what. The TV sponsor asked if I'd take a job with them.

They think they can buy anybody.

He wanted me to write singing commercials

for their automobile.

Automobiles?

The way you feel about air pollution

boy, did they have the wrong number.

- What was the figure? - Twenty five thou a year.

And I'm grabbin' it. See you at the banks.

He's taken a job!

He's sold-out! He was a phony all the time.

It's always easy to knock the system

right up to the moment the first good offer comes in.

And Jamie, I hope you learned something from this too.

I sure did!

That Dumbo! He should've held out for 30 thou!

What about that poor woman?

The Commie just ran off, Whittaker.

So even though you are bricked in here for life

you are a true hero.

This is the new Alamo.

Hundreds of thousands of good Americans will make

pilgrimages here to touch your hand.

To thank you for keeping your finger on the dike

and your foot in the wall.

- Say, is this Thursday? - Why?

I just remembered, I have to be at my mother's.