All language subtitles for Rupauls.Drag.Race.S17E05.1080p.WEB.h264-spamneggs

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- Previously on
"RuPaul's Drag Race"...

You'll be creating commercials
inspired by iconic

"RuPaul's Drag Race" moments.

- I'm a little confused.

- Kori King.

- I'm not really sure where
the storyline was going.

- Joella.

- If we're trying to
find out where you are,

that's a problem.

- Crystal Envy.

- This is delicious.

- Thank you.

- Onya Nurve.

- I was just sucked in.

It was watching
a seasoned professional.

- Condragulations,
you're the winner

of this week's challenge.

Kori King, shantay, you stay.

Joella you have one last chance
to Badonka Dunk your way

back into the competition.

I'm sorry, my dear.

Sashay away.

- Girl.

My God.

Girl, chugging in the bucket.

Joella was just eliminated.

- What a day, bitch.

What a day.

- Thank God.

- Visit me when
you come back to LA.

Love, J-O-E.
Don't forget the 'Ella.

- Aw.
- We love you, Joella.

- I guess I have
LA on my back now.

Joella was my LA sister,

and it really hurts
to see her go.

But she's been in the bottom
two weeks in a row.

There's only so much CPR
you can give before you

finally have to let go.

- I'm not going to lie.

I was a little irked
being in the bottom,

but I feel much better now.

And I am galvanized to win.

See you later!

- Bye!

- We will forget the 'Ella.

- Kori is very interesting to me

because I thought
that she would be

delivering great comedy.

- Let's go sit down, ladies.

Bitch.

- So now I'm thinking to
myself, what do you do then?

It's obviously not looks.

- Well, now that
that was over, Onya, congrats.

- Thank you.
- Yes, Onya.

- I feel so good.

I'm excited to keep doing better

and better
and better and better.

So you better watch out.

- Crystal, how do you feel?

- It obviously sucks to not
win when you get like so close.

But just to hear the validation
from the judges really just

like gave me exactly what
I needed to go in next week

and fucking swamp all you hos, so.

- So Crystal's pissed.

She can lie and smile
and ee-ee-eeh all she wants.

She is mad.

- I was gagged that
you did not win.

- Thank you.

- Just because you were such
a like fierce fucking leader.

- Thank you.

- And the look is stunned.

- It's quilted everywhere, baby.

- I feel like a lot of girls
are mad that I won this week.

- If this was a winning look.

- Don't read yourself, sister.

- Yeah, don't read yourself, honey.

- A lot of the girls
were thinking that

good drag alone was going
to win in this competition.

And they're now
realizing that they

have to have a full package.

So be mad, wallahi.

- Well, nobody was
gagged that I didn't win.

- Arrietty,
how do you feel, diva?

- I was fucking fuming.

- Yeah.

- I was so angry.

I was like, bitch, I...

I'm not. Yep.

I don't think I should have
been in the bottom.

I was surprised to hear
that I was outshined

by Jewels by the judges.

I don't agree with it.

- Now I'm ready to get out
of motherfucking drag.

- Amen!

- Let's go.

- This is like a piranha tank.

We all want to win.

There is only one piece of
meat dangling at the top,

and we're all trying
to bite for it,

but only one bitch gets it.

- I am a little bitter.

I'm not going to lie.

- That's a reason to
be scared of you now,

if we weren't scared of you
already because of how big

and manly you are.

- Well, y'all can go get a room.

- Shut up.

- I feel like the competitive
claws are coming out

with most of the queens.

- All I know is I'm about
to shoot fire out of my ass

next week to be in the top
and get that win.

- This is the Olympics, honey.

I'm ready to knock a bitch down

just to get to the top.

Bitch, I'm ready.

It's time to put
the pedal to the metal.

Girl, rawr.

"RuPaul's Drag Race"

The winner
of "RuPaul's Drag Race"

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills
cosmetics

and a gag-worthy grand prize
of $200,000,

courtesy of TodayTix,
the theater ticket app.

With extra-special guest judge
Paul W. Downs.

"RuPaul's Drag Race"

May the best drag queen win,
best drag queen win

- Good morning.

- Good morn-ting.

- We're back in the Werk Room.

I got my little devil horns on.

I'm feeling a little villainous.

Ew.

- Ew to that hair.

- Dark-cited!

- She's going through
her villain era.

- I'm ready to be
a little crazy.

- It is a brand new day.

- It's a brand new week.

- Who's the piggy of the week?

- Can we do piggy of the week?

- You're going to have to
explain what that means.

- Piggy is someone who
just, like, is so fierce

and they're just eating,
eating, eating, eating.

Up, up, up, up.

When someone is
constantly eating

and constantly doing a good
job, baby, that's piggy.

- Piggy just eat, eat, eat,
eat, eat and eat even more.

- Yes, piggy.

Go, piggy.

Yes, piggy.

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Let's go, piggies.

Let's go, piggies.

- Good morning, queens.

Good morning!

- For this week's
Maxi Challenge,

you'll be performing in
everybody's favorite

sketch comedy show, "RDR Live."

- I can't lie.

I'm a little nervous.

I'm not the most
skilled with taking

words and making them funny.

- Now, in a few moments,
you'll get your sketches.

Then you'll choose your parts
and start rehearsing.

And later today, you'll go live.

- Shit.
- That's quick, bitch.

- As we know, I did do comedy
for my talent show performance.

It's a lot of pressure,

but I'm excited
to redeem myself.

- Now, queens, remember,
the key to success

is to create a funny,
memorable character

that makes us hoot
the house down boots.

- Got it.
- Boots.

- Racers, start your engines.

And may the best drag queen win.

- "RDR Live."

- I'm so excited!

- Me, too!

- It is time to
select our roles.

I want to make sure
that I get a role

that's going to make me stand
out from the competition.

Wow.

This is a thick script.

- The words are wording, honey.

- I feel like the key
to killing this challenge

is finding the role
that relates to you

and figuring out how
you can play off of that

and make your
little moment shine.

My God.

- I find Miss Rhonda,
RuPaul's former babysitter,

who is a cigarette mom.

And if there is anything
I know, it's a cigarette mom.

- This is so funny.

- The role that
immediately calls out to me

is Ruth, the lesbian podcaster.

I feel like there's
a lesbian secretly

deep inside me somewhere.

She would definitely be
a lipstick, but you know.

- All righty, then.

- I think our winner should
start from last week.

- I really like Queen One,

who is the mayor
and the monologue.

- That's your number one?

- Yeah, that's my number one.

- Anyone fighting for it?

- I don't hear
nothing but crickets.

Nobody in the room
wants the role.

And I'm like, did I just choose
the hardest role?

I'll take it.

- There you go.
- Perfect. Mayor.

- I don't know why she
picked this hosting role.

Did you not see Mirage?

- RuPaul is our me...
our musical guest,

so stick around.

- I will be playing
the role of News Anchor One,

just so everyone knows.

- I will take Ruth.
- I'll take Connie.

- Connie, gone.

- Real quick, I want Rhonda.

Doesn't seem like
anyone wants Rhonda.

- Three, two, one.
You have Rhonda.

- Yeah, baby.

- So some of these girls
get their first choice

right off the gate.

- For the cave women.

- Kori is Ug and Arrietty's Bug?

- Hell, yeah.

- So my first choice is Brooke,

just because
she's the blonde bimbo,

and that's exactly what I am.

I definitely want Brooke.

She's right up my alley.

- I want Brooke.

And I'm not going
to back off of Brooke.

My first choice is Brooke.

She thinks she is
the hot commodity,

and that's something
I can very much do.

- Neither one of you
have a second...

- I'm not moving.
- You're not moving?

- I'm not moving.
- I won't move either.

- I will say I feel
like it's expected

for Crystal to do Brooke.

It's more unexpected
for me to do Brooke.

We should challenge ourselves
to do something not expected.

- Ooh.
- Crystal, I think

you could push yourself farther.

You know, it's like
a very basic character.

I see it for Lana.

- All right.

I'll do Anchor Two because I
want to work with my sister.

- OK.
- So I'll give you Brooke.

- I'm not playing around
anymore.

It's about my time
to be in the top.

I'm tired of being safe.

- Now we have Ellen,
the beaver podcaster,

and Gert and Trudy,
the "Golden Girls" references.

- I want to be Trudy.

- I'm living for Gert.

Gert is the Sophia-inspired
character from "Golden Girls."

She's this 80-year-old
sarcastic woman.

And I know that I can go
really far with that look.

So my mind is kind
of set on that.

I would like Gert.

- See, I'm living for Gert
is the thing.

- I love Lydia.

That's my wife.

However, that role
is not for you, baby.

Hormona already looks
like a grandma right now!

- Gert-gate. Gert-gate.

Gert-gate.

My God.

- Hormona, as much as
you love helping people,

help me out and give me Gert.

- That's not fair!

- The twink has spoken.

- She pulls a little
sympathy card,

her little puppy dog eyes.

You're all going to help me.

I don't think it's fair
that you said I was nice.

She can be Gert.

- Wow.

- So let's get to work, y'all.

The picking process is over.

It went painlessly for me,
painful for others,

and I'm excited to get started.

- OK.

- I'm so excited!

- Me, too.

- I think we got
a winning sketch, ladies.

Period.

- This week's Maxi Challenge
is "RDR Live!"

- OK. OK.

First of all, this is a team

of collaborative, smart people.

- This week is going to be
so freaking cool.

We are doing the QNN News,
and my favorite thing

is "Weekend Update."

Miss Crystal I'm telling you,
I'm really glad that you

ended up agreeing
to do Anchor Two.

- Yeah, me, too.

Our group has a lot
of heavy hitters in it,

so we're feeling good.

We're feeling like
the varsity cheerleaders.

- Do you have any immediate
thoughts of like,

how you want to tackle
Anchor Woman?

- I think very Michael Che
and Colin Jost.

It should just be
straight up like,

we've got the like...
the newscaster voice.

- But also like, you could be

the slightly more
professional one.

And you're like the slutty one.

Do you guys like
this direction so far?

- I love it.
I love it.

- I think it's
a lot stronger, yeah.

- She's our acting guru.

- Acting but also directing
and sketch comedy,

specifically, is so my world.

So this is the team to have.

I have had a lot of momentum
in this competition.

And I want to win.

This is a challenge that I know
that I am going to succeed at.

- Am I reading out loud?

- Yes, we're reading
it out loud together.

- My group is doing
the Beaver Lesbian Podcast.

And Hormona ends up
with the role of Ellen,

and she's very disappointed
that she didn't get

the role that
she initially wanted.

- So, Hormona, how are you
feeling right now?

I would prefer Gert,
because I do like

a whole like "Golden Girls"
thing back home.

But I mean, she does look
older than me, Lydia does.

So I think it makes sense.

- That should light
a fire under your ass

to like do better than her.

- Yeah!

Hormona is flipping me off.

- All right!

- I can't with them.
Disgusting.

- Maybe Hormona not getting
the part she originally wanted

might get her in her head.

- I already sent Hormona home,
and she was saved.

So I'm ready for someone else
to send her home again.

- In related news, Rucco Films
has greenlit "Buttplug."

Do you like the "Buttplug."

- Yeah, "Buttplug,"
starring Ross Mathews.

- Like it's opened up.

Like, "Buttplug."

That's funny.

- You're not in on "Buttplug"
being funny, I think, though.

Because you're a newscaster.

You don't even know
that that's funny.

Has greenlit "Buttplug,"
starring Ross Mathews!

- I think that's
too much hit on Ross,

because it's about toys.

It's based on a popular toy.

Hit "Buttplug" hard.
- OK.

- Yeah.

- As we're progressing, Suzie is

shutting down
every single idea I have.

- We should break
character a bit.

- That's why I was trying
to laugh throughout it,

because that's what
Colin Jost always does.

Like, halfway through,
they start cracking up.

- I think there's a fine line
between breaking character...

- And genuinely laughing.

- Because the thing about...

- The character
shouldn't be laughing.

- Because you're playing
Crystal Envy

and you're playing Lexi Love,

play with grounding it
a little more.

Because I think
the jokes are funny.

- Every suggestion I have
for our anchor characters...

no, no, no, no, no.

XYZ, that's why that's bad.

That's why that's bad.

- And then end it with like,
a-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha.

And one of us grabs
the other one's neck.

- Like I don't think we should
do like a grabbing,

a choke at the end.

I think it should be,
ha, ha, ha,

how much fun we're having.

- All right.

I did.

I... ooh, I'm nervous.

- I don't think the other
teams have this insight

into how sketch comedy works.

- All right,
we're the opening scene.

We've got to start
with a bang, baby.

- Yes.

- Thank you for attending
this emergency meeting of

the Neanderthal City Council.

I chose the Mayor
and the monologue.

I didn't get one role.

I got two.

It's going to be
a challenge for me.

But this is a challenge
that is up my alley.

I'm Ug.

I'm Bug.

Our families have lived
in this community

since the day
of the primordial oomph.

- Last week the judges
told me that I was

eaten up by my scene partner.

This week, this moment,
I'm not going to get eaten up.

- Arrietty is swinging big
and is giving...

- I can already tell
that the other groups

are going to be like whoo!

The whole time.

- It's so wocka-wocka-wocka.

I think us, we're very calm.

- We'll also drag it up
a little bit,

like not too calm.

- We're trying to keep
our guests, you know, calm.

So what is your character
like vocally?

- I feel like it's expected,
kind of for you and I both,

to go like Southern.
- Yeah.

- I kind of feel like
I want to because

that's more natural for me.
- Do it.

- I'm not going Southern.

- Hormona is going
to go more Southern.

So I'm going to show them
something different.

- It's still has that
natural beaver scent.

Ellen, get ahold of yourself.

Now, Connie, I understand

you brought your own beaver
here today.

Can we see it?

How do y'all feel about my...

secret lesbian voice?

I'm Ruth Leslie Fistenberg.

I love it.

- Sam has chosen to go
with this "lesbian voice,"

which I think is a bold choice.

- You're doing,
like, Australian.

I like that.

- I think it just came to me.

And I think
she has to be Australian.

- Because you're like
an adventurer beaver bitch.

- Yeah, like a beaver girl.

Part of me thinks that,

you know, saying beaver
in the Australian accent

is really funny.

And so that's literally

the only reason
why I chose that.

Bushy beaver.

I think we should all agree
on what beaver really means,

because obviously, we're not...

- We're talking about vaginas.
- Talking about vaginas.

- Duh.

- I've actually never heard it
called a beaver I don't think.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I've heard it called a kitty
before, but never a beaver.

But beaver don't bite,
because beavers got...

they got big teeth
and they eat wood.

It's what's called a beaver,

because like
a penis could be wood?

That's crazy.

- Reminds me of
my wedding night picture

at Pacoima in 1955.

- Doctor, she bumped her head.

- I'm worried she's not right.

I am obsessed
with "Golden Girls."

I watch it every day.

So for Trudy, I feel like I
really have the character down.

- Do you have any ideas for
the Pacoima, July 1955 line?

- Well, so you're not very
familiar with "Golden Girls"?

I'm not the biggest fan
of "Golden Girls,"

but this character is this
80-year-old sarcastic woman,

which I think is really funny.

- So, like, when she does
like, the, like, Sicily.

Picture it, Sicily.

- Yeah.

- She always kind of
like goes off.

It reminds me of
my wedding night.

Picture it, Pacoima.

- Reminds me of
my wedding night.

Picture it.

Pacoima, July 1955?

- I am overhearing
Lydia portraying Gert.

I still don't see it.

- She's clearly incompetent.

- Incompetent?

- So I just hope that it doesn't

bite her in her pancake ass.

We'll see.

Wah-ha.

Is this thing on?

Thank you for attending
this emergency meeting

of the Neanderthal City Council.

I'd like to recognize
these two Neanderthals

from Cave by Mudhole.

- I'm Ug.

I'm Bug.

We've got a big problem.

- A mammoth problem
with our new neighbors.

- There are threats to our
Neanderthal way of living.

- And who are these
new neighbors?

- They are homos.

- Excuse me?

- Homo sapiens.

- Homo sapiens, Homo sapiens,
Homo sapiens.

- There, I said it.

These perverts are pushing
their unnatural

Homo sapien agenda.

- What are your
grievances, exactly?

- Isn't it obvious?

The progressives.

For one thing,
they stand upright.

- That's just weird.

- And their roles
are all confused.

I'm sorry, but you're either
a hunter or a gatherer.

Pick a lane, freak!

And don't get me started on
this nonsense about pronouns.

He, she, they.

I'm sorry, but ooh-has
worked fine since the Ice Age.

- But worst of all,
they're groomers!

- Well, that's
a serious accusation!

- They brush their hair.

They shave their legs
and their backs.

And hold on, hold on.

You holding it?

- They bathe.

- We need to do something.

This could lead
to Homo sapien marriage.

- The council now recognizes
the Homo sapien in question.

- Hey, hey, girl.

Put the bass in your walk.

- Hi, I'm Brooke,

and this is my Homo sapien
husband, Bruno.

He's hot, right?

- Brooke, what do you
have to say?

- Thank you, Judge.

I'd like to say
we are proud Homo sapiens.

We stand upright
because we are what?

Fierce.

And we marry who
we want to marry.

Because love is more than what
it says on some dumb old rock.

- I've made my decision.

These homos are welcome here!

- OK, fine.

But don't expect us
to use no fire.

- That's OK.

You'll be extinct soon.

And more thing.

Live from Tuckahoe,
it's "RDR Live"!

- It's "RDR Live,"

featuring the cast of season 17,

with musical guest RuPaul

and your host, Onya Nurve.

- Welcome to "RDR Live"!

My name is Onya Nurve.

Yes.

You may recognize me as
the queen most likely to win

season 17
of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

If you're watching,
you also know

everything about this season
is bigger.

And when I say everything,
I mean everything.

The Werk Room, bigger!

The main stage, bigger!

But the biggest gag
of the season

has got to be
the Badonka Dunk Tank.

And here's a little secret.

That's not water in there.

It's 100% vodka.

It's also where
we wash our pads,

but do not tell Michelle.

So loosen your corsets,
mix yourselves

a big old Badonka Dunk cocktail,

and get ready for a big show!

- Hello, I'm Ellen Chickahorn.

- And I'm
Ruth Leslie Fistenberg.

- And you're listening to...

"Women We Like."

- We're two platonic roommates
who enjoy getting inside women.

- Because figuring out
what makes a women tick...

Is what makes us talk.

- Today we are joined by
bestselling author and noted

beaverologist from the
K.D. Lang Wildlife Foundation,

it's Miss Connie Lingler.

- Hello, ladies.

I'm so happy to be here.

I'm a huge fan.

- So, Connie,
how did you get into beavers?

- Well, I was 19,
vacationing in the woods

with my field hockey team

when I caught sight
of my first beaver.

I was so intrigued,
so I dove in headfirst.

- Connie, do you prefer
your beavers wild or tamed?

- Well, I love a great big,
bushy beaver.

- Calm down, Ellen.

Don't embarrass yourself.

Now, Connie,
I understand you brought

your own beaver here today.

Can we see it?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course.

Damn!

- That is one handsome beaver.

- It still has
that natural beaver scent.

- Ellen, get ahold of yourself.

Connie, I read that a beaver can

stay submerged underwater
for eight minutes

without coming up for air.

- Yes.

Going down is one activity
beavers like best.

- Well, I can go down
for hours and hours.

- Fun fact.

Beavers are
monogamous creatures.

They usually move in together
one to two days after mating.

- Sounds like a beaver trap
if you ask me.

- You know where
the door is, Ellen.

- Well, in honor
of your visit today,

I thought I'd give you
a peek at my beaver.

- My goodness.

That is one plump beaver.

- So I've been told.

- Enough about your
fat beaver, Ellen.

My beaver is shaved.

Do you like
a shaved beaver, Connie?

- Yeah, I love a shaved beaver.

- Ruth, you whore.

- Well, that's all
the time we have.

Join us next week.

We'll be doing a deep dive
into pussy willows.

Goodbye.
- Bye-bye.

Do you mind if I pet it?

- Well, it's not
going to pet itself.

- And now our musical guest,
RuPaul.

Music, turn it up
a little louder

Feel black magic
from the waist down

Can't be wrong

This kind of sin
feels so right to me

It's all right, touch my body

It's on fire

Hot as hell, or is it heaven

All night long we going
to burn for eternity

You say, why'd you do it

The devil made me do it

Why'd you do it

The devil made me do this dance

Why'd you do it

The devil made me do it

Why'd you do it

The devil made me do this dance

Why'd you do it

The devil made do it

Why'd you do it

The devil made me do this dance

- It's Queen News Network

with Lexi Love and Crystal Envy.

- Good evening
and welcome to QNN News.

I'm Crystal Envy.

- And I'm Lexi Love.

Our top story tonight,
Bruno from "Pit Crew"

just returned from
a one-man mission to Mars.

When asked to describe
the atmosphere of the planet,

he said it was like
Crystal Envy's butthole.

Red, gassy,
and totally uninhabitable.

In related news,
Carson Kressley.

- Following Jinkx Monsoon's
star turn

on the series "Doctor Who,"

Lexi Love is joining the cast
in the role of

Doctor Who Should Go Home
Tonight and Why.

- Last night,
pet advocate Patti LuPone

opened a revival of "Cats,"

featuring a cast
of real feral cats.

One reviewer said it was
a cacophony of screeching,

hacking up fur balls,
and urinating on stage.

And that was just Patti LuPone.

- In LGBTQ+ news,
Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil

has announced his retirement.

He'll be replaced
by his daughter, Shadow,

his son, Sonny,
and a gay son, Shady Boots.

- Speaking of shady,
RuPaul's moving memoirs,

"The House of Hidden Meanings,"
has went to number one

on the "New York Times"
best seller list.

But a woman who allegedly
babysat for RuPaul

has something to say about it.

Please welcome Miss Rhonda.

- Hello, hello, hello!

Sound familiar?

It was me.

I was RuPaul's babysitter,
and I taught him everything.

- OK, that's a big claim,
Miss Rhonda.

- All this stuff
about drag racing.

I taught RuPaul how to drive
when he was 5

so he could fetch me ciggies
and wine coolers.

I told him,
start your engines, Ru-Ru.

- Wait, wait, wait.

So you're telling me you taught
a 5-year-old how to drive?

- And then I'd have to remind
him, don't fuck it up!

Next thing I know,
it's on a TV show.

- So you're saying that
you're responsible for all

of RuPaul's iconic sayings?

I didn't say that.

You said that.

But I agree with you.

- OK.

Well, I have a list here,
right, of other

quotes that you
claim credit for.

First, "house of love."

- That's the massage parlor
where I used to work nights.

- OK.

"Freaky money."

- That's how they paid me
at the massage parlor.

- "You better work."

- That's what I used to say
to my lazy, no good husband.

You can hear me, Frank.

I'm talking to you.

But here's a story
that's not in the book.

When Ru-Ru was a teenager,
I walked in

on him having a private moment

with a fistful of lotion.

- That must have been awkward.

But I didn't judge.

I told him, Ru-Ru, baby,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you going
to love somebody else?

And next thing I know,
it's on a TV show.

- Well, that's about
all the time we have.

Thank you, Miss Rhonda.

- Pay me my money, Ru-Ru!

- And that's the news.

Good night and good tuck.

- I don't know why
we're in the ER, Trudy.

I'm perfectly fine.

I've had hangovers
worse than this.

- We were in
a car accident, Mama.

Besides, I heard the doctors
here are positively dreamy.

- Hello, ladies.

I'm Dr. Johnson.

I heard that
you had an accident.

- It was just
a little fender bender.

Honestly, I barely felt a thing.

Reminds me of my wedding night.

Picture it.

Pacoima, July 1955.

- Doctor, she bumped her head.

I'm worried she's not right.

By the way, are you single?

- Pay no attention
to my daughter.

She was an ugly kid who
compensated by becoming a slut.

- Doctor, I told you
she's not right.

- OK, well, can you tell me
more about what happened?

- Well, we were driving.

It was sunny, so naturally,
I had my top down.

- I love a convertible.

I wasn't talking about the car.

- OK, it says here
on your intake form

that you were rear-ended.

- Well, just a time or two
with my second husband.

But I'm willing to give it
another go, doctor.

- OK, well, let me get
a little look at your gash.

- I beg your pardon!

Buy me a drink first.

- Would you like to check
my gash, doctor?

- Sorry, ma'am.

I didn't realize that
you were injured, too.

I'm not injured,

just available
and very flexible.

- Right.

Well, I do need to do
a physical exam,

so if you could, could you
please remove your blouse?

- Anything for science.

- For heaven's sake, Trudy!

This isn't the Playboy Mansion.

- Well, I have been mistaken
for Miss Pamela Anderson.

- You've been mistaken
for Louie Anderson.

- OK, you know what?

You can leave your blouse on.

Everything seems to be
in order here.

I've got just one last thing
I have to ask.

Gert, how's your head?

- No complaints.

- Really?

Well, I may have to do
a private exam in my office.

- Well, you're the doctor.

Hold my teeth.

I won't be needing these.

- Mama!

- Thank you for watching.

Good night, everybody!

- La-da-dee, la-da-da.

- Mob wife energy, baby.

It is elimination day,
and someone

is hopefully going home today.

- I'm so excited, you guys.

Who will eat?

Who is going to
eat, eat, eat, eat?

- Eat, eat, eat!

- Oink, oink, oink!

- Are you going to eat,
eat, eat today, Lexi?

- I've got my snout on.

I'm ready, Miss Honey!

- Miss Pig-ums is happy today.

- My "RDR Live"
performance was great.

I'm ecstatic.
I'm over the moon.

- The beavers
yesterday was so fun.

- All our jokes landed.

- I'm feeling confident
in my performance.

I pushed myself
and did a character.

I am very proud to have
shown off my shaved beaver

to all of America.

- So, how do y'all feeling
about the challenge?

- Sister, I feel good.

- Yeah, it was funny.

- I feel really good.

- I'm so excited.

- I was definitely
like method acting.

I was like, I am a ooga-booga.

- It was really funny.

The Neanderthal girls are all
patting each other on the back.

And I think that
they've all convinced

each other that
they are the greatest thing

since sliced bread.

- Wow.

- We shall see if reality has
a different idea for them.

- Here comes Hormona
sauntering over.

- I feel like you were doing me.

- She liked my accent.

- Acacia did really well.

Her accent was giving me,
honestly,

so I'm glad I could inspire her.

I loved it.

You really did good.
- Thank you.

- You should be proud
of yourself.

- Thank you.
- How do you feel, butthole?

- I feel great.
I feel good.

I thought it was pretty good.

- You did?

I think you did a good job.
- Thank you.

I had a great time.

I hope it translates.

- My sweet, sweet Lydia
did not deliver.

- Ask her.

- I don't know.

If I was her, I might not feel
too good about the toys.

Bye.

- It's just funny that everybody

feels really good today.

- That's what's scary.

- Ain't nobody worried,
so there's going

to be some face cracks today.

- It's going to be
a gag elimination.

- Because I know the girls,
they be talking.

I don't know who qualifies
as a kumbaya girl.

- That is not you, Lana.

- Who, me?

- You're not a kumbaya girl.

- You know the roster
of the kumbaya girl?

- I mean, I came up with it,
so I better know.

There definitely are
some cliques forming,

and I have established
the kumbaya girls.

Lydia and Acacia, Hormona.

Suzie Toot is the CEO of
the kumbaya committee.

Kumbaya girls are
the ones that like

you have to be like
kumbaya for them

because they can't like take it.

- I better not be on
that motherfucking club.

- Bitch, yeah, right.

- You wish.

- You're on the anti-kumbaya
committee.

- Yes!

- Nope, ugly.

- They don't know how to banter
and also they get offended.

So you can't really be
a drag queen with them.

- Once they're not here,
it's going to be

all fight-to-the-death girls.

Exac... guns a-blazing.

- So I want to go round,
but I don't want to go sad.

We're giving a middle ground
between me and Michelle.

Michelle has
challenged me to change up

my gigantic 1920s makeup.

- You paint yourself
very Betty Boop.

I know sometimes we
get stuck in our ways.

Push yourself out,
take those risks.

- I'm excited to show her
a softer version

of the Suzie face while
also literally being a clown.

- If I'm in the top
again this week

and Michelle looks me
in my shit and goes,

"the witch is back.

We're just
doing this again?"

I'd be like.

I would have egg on my face
just like Kori.

- Why is my name...

- I'm doing a clown look today,
and I'm very inspired by you.

- So no Depression eyebrows?

- No Depression eyebrows.

- Miss Lexi?

- Yes.

- It was so fun seeing you
in your executive realness

for the news team.

Is that something
that is close to you?

In all seriousness,
my day job, like,

I kind of like read
from a prompter.

- Really?

- And I do that all day.

I've even said to myself, like,
I feel like I'm a newscaster

or I could do that really easily

after doing the job that I do.

- So what is
the specific job title?

- I'm assistant
vice president trainer.

- Yes.

- Come on.

For a financial institution.

- That is so wild.

- My Hannah Montana
lifestyle is so unique, girl.

Everybody's always shocked.

I teach bankers how to detect
money laundering

in their accounts.

- That is so business
professional.

- It's so business professional.

All the people that know me
there, they call me he.

- Really?

- They call me...
they know Cody.

They know he.

Since I work over the computer,
like they don't see me

while I'm teaching them.

It's all virtual.

- Yes.

So to have them see this
and to see me as a woman, girl,

it could actually like
finally be

the change to make them change.

- You present as such
a confident trans woman

that I did not know that
so much of your life

was kind of hidden.

- Honestly, being here is
the first time that I've been

able to just like
fully embrace it.

Being able to just
like say I'm trans

and not even worry about
hiding it, I feel so free.

- You're inspiring so many
trans women out there.

I just commend you
so much for that.

That's so amazing.

- I really appreciate that, sis.

- I know a business
professional.

I have a 401, Miss Honey.

Yes to 401.

- Miss 401.
- Miss 401-slay.

Cover girl,
put the bass in your walk

Head to toe,
let your whole body talk

- Whoo!

And what

Welcome to the main stage
of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

She puts the broad
in "Broad City."

It's Michelle Visage.

- Ru, you know I'm very
sensitive about my shoulders.

- I was actually
talking about your feet.

Speaking of hacks, it's
the hilarious Ross Mathews.

- Now, just a clarification.

Is Michelle insecure about
the size of her shoulders

or how hairy they are?

- Ooh! Both.

- Understood. Thank you.

- He's not a doctor, but he
played one on "RDR Live."

It's Paul W. Downs.

- Take two and call me
in the morning.

- Is there an anal option?

- Always, Ru.

Always.

- This week
we challenged our sketchy

queens to become one-take
wonders on "RDR Live."

And tonight on the runway,
category is "Tickled Pink."

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

Hustle that kitty

Hustle

You say you wanna win it

Category is "Tickled Pink."

Up first Onya Nurve,
now starring in "Mad Maxine,

Beyond Thunder Thighs."

- This outfit is straight
out of Cleveland,

a head-to-toe fit made
entirely out of pink shoes.

There is sneakers coming
out my legs, child.

Sneakers coming up my arm.

And I've got this
headpiece made also

entirely by sneakers, honey.

- Kori King.

You've heard of Paris Hilton?

- Yes.

- This is Pacoima Hilton.

- That's hot.

- Really big,
really clown Barbie

is the definition of my drag.

Sparkly dress with
a fluffy tail,

shoes that are pink and high...
I am stumbling

down the runway, mama.

- OK, this blonde
definitely has more fun.

Arrietty, wow, the Folsom
Street Fair has really changed.

- No, it hasn't.

- I'm all covered
in vinyl right now.

More is more for Arrietty.

Pink, it's not a color
that I'm drawn to.

It's so out of the box for me.

But it does look gorgeous,
doesn't it?

- That is the most severe
prolapse we've ever seen.

- Lana Ja'Rae.

- She's making
every little Jack horny.

- Yes, she is.

- I decided to represent
this runaway by paying

homage to Little Bo Peep.

This is a very unique
silhouette for Lana,

because I've probably never worn

this much clothing before.

You don't normally get
to see this cutesy-ootsy

side of Lana.

- Little Bo Peep has
lost her virginity.

- Hormona Lisa.

- Paul W Gowns.

- I usually always wear pink.

I am known as
the bubblegum babe.

And just like bubblegum,
I'm pink

and may turn tasteless if
you leave me in your mouth

too long.

- Turn, smile.

- Nailed it.

Sham Shtar.

I bet she's seen a cockatoo.

- This look represents me
because I'm

giving you elevated,
expensive taste.

I'm known for being
a fabulous showgirl.

I couldn't really pick
just one shade of pink,

so I decided to do them all.

- I always wondered
what happened when you

mixed a flamingo with a whore.

- Jewels Sparkles,
My Fair Hooker.

- She's got a lot of bell
in her bottom.

- Everything about
this look is so Jewels.

This is actually repurposed
from an old pageant gown.

And I gave it
to a friend of mine,

and he turned it into
this gorgeous look.

These bell bottoms are
just so fun to walk in.

Does anyone still wear a hat?

I do.

You know Eliza Doolittle?

- She's Eliza
Do-Anything-for-$5.

- Crystal Envy.

- Oops, my gum's
all over me now.

I hope I didn't get any on you.

- She's been in some
sticky situations.

- Yes.

- Pink is my favorite color.

I decided to go
with a full outfit

made out of silicone, baby.

This is dripping all over me.

And my designer killed it, baby.

- Chew on that.

- Yeah, well, apparently
she's dating Chewbacca.

- No. Yes.

- Lexi Love.

- Representing
the New Jersey State bird.

- She's a sight for pink eye.

- In my mind, this lovely,
tickled pink woman

is feeling her fantasy
in, like, Aspen.

She's very rich.

It's cold out, and she wants
to make sure that

she keeps her tiny
little body warm.

- I'm sorry.

You've been disqualified.

You're a cheetah.

- Beep, beep.

It's Suzie Toot-Toot.

- Who's this bozo?

- I love clowns.

This look is a 1920s
Ziegfeld Follies perspective

on a 17th century harlequin.

It just read as a look
that needed to be pink.

And I look adorable.

- Why do I want
a Jumbo Jack right now?

Lydia "Butthole" Kollins.

- She's a grower and a shower.

- This week, I am inspired
by one of the things that

brought me into this world...

a penis.

This is exactly what Lydia does.

It has a shtick to it.

It is oversized, irreverent,
and a little sticky.

- If her runway lasts
longer than four hours,

please consult her doctor.

Acacia Forgot.

- Tail Bozzio.

- I'd like to place
a Missing Persons report.

- This look's very
like "Designing Women"

meets '80s punk rock.

I'm going for a very mean CEO,

drinks a martini for breakfast.

She is just a bitch.

- Pink owns 51% of this wig.

Welcome, queens.

I've made some decisions.

When I call your name,
please step forward.

Kori King,

Lana Ja'Rae,

Jewels Sparkles,

Crystal Envy,

Lexi Love,

Acacia Forgot.

Ladykins, you are safe.

You may leave the stage.

Queens, you represent the tops
and bottoms of the week.

Now it's time for
the judges' critiques.

Up first, Onya Nurve.

- Your padding tonight
is exceptional.

Really, the illusion you give
us by cutting that corset...

that move, I love, by the way.

My only change for this?

You need hair.

A big pink Mohawk
would have been hot.

- I thought your scene work
in the Neanderthal scene

was great.

Your facial reactions
were really good,

so you were bringing
something even

when there wasn't dialogue.

The monologue is really
hard, because you're

not doing a character as much.

It's more you, and you
have a lot of charisma.

I think you're really,
really fun to watch.

- And who do you pattern
your sense of humor after?

- For hosting, I like the
Jennifer Lawrence type of vibe

where it's like this
crazy Black lady,

but she's also very genuine.

- You mean Jenifer Lewis?

- Jenifer Lewis, sorry!

Fuck.

My bad, my bad.

- Up next, Arrietty.

This is such a dynamic,
show-stopping outfit.

- I love that there's
some whimsy in this.

It's naughty, gorgeous.

Let's talk about
the performance.

I appreciated that you
really swung big for this.

The issue is going 100%,
100% of the time.

- When big swings connect,
they're great.

But also you run the risk
of missing.

I think what we were mapping
in that sketch was

two conservative Karen-types,
and I was kind of

missing a little bit
of what the point of view was.

- And when you go that hard,
sometimes we lose the dialogue.

- Up next, Hormona Lisa.

- Tonight, you understood
the assignment.

That hair is gorgeous on you.

It's all really beautiful.

I smiled from the second
that you started speaking

in your sketch until the end.

I have to say, for me were
the star of that sketch.

- My only critique,
if I were to have any,

is, I think, for a sight gag
like the Beavers,

maybe taking it out
of your lap, you know?

Just to make it seem like
there's a misdirect of,

we're going to have something
not safe for work.

But otherwise I thought
that you really shined.

- That was not my first role
that I wanted.

I did originally want Gert.

But I was really happy with
where I got put with this role.

- Well, wonderful tonight.

Wonderful job.
Thank you.

- Thank you so much.

- Up next, Sham Shtar.

- Let's talk about your
Beaverologist podcast.

- My beaver is shaved.

- I'm not quite sure
why you chose to have

the voice that you chose.

It was very jarring,
and it just was kind of flat.

- One thing that could have
potentially helped

is sometimes agreement
is actually a real asset

in a comedy sketch like that.

So if you have
a scene partner who's doing

something that's Southern,

you know,
you might want to try that on.

- You have a natural
Southern accent.

- Right.

- Walk me through your choice.

- Basically, since she was
going for the Southern, I said,

yeah, let's play
opposite a little bit.

And I'm sad that it didn't land.

But you know what?

I learned that lesson,
and it won't happen again.

- The challenge was a hiccup.

The runway is a standout.

- Thank you.

- Beep, beep.

Suzie Toot-Toot.

- I don't know if you know this,

but you're dressed as a clown.

- What?

- The makeup tonight
is so pretty.

It's fun.

It was performative.

It was drag.

You have managed to find
this little sweet spot that

is very fashionable, even though

you're dressed like a clown.

- I've got to commend you
on that challenge.

You were so funny.

- Start your engines, Ru-Ru.

- Everything about it was
really well-embodied.

- There was no meat
left on the bone.

You found every punchline.

- Do you have
a background in theater?

- Yeah, well,
it started at a summer camp

in the Poconos Mountains.

- Aww.

- I was in "Fiddler on the Roof"

at 8 years old.

It's my life.

It's my blood.

- Well, it surely paid off.

- Thank you so much.

Up next,
Lydia "Butthole" Kollins.

Lydia, you're such a dick.

- I know.

- Here's the thing.

We all know who
these characters are.

- I beg your pardon.

- There's so much
you could have done,

and you really needed
to hammer the sarcasm.

- I didn't buy the doctor.

So that wasn't helping.

But you were playing
sort of the straight man.

What's tricky about that
is finding

the way to deliver
those sort of set-up lines

in a way that are also funny.

- You must have
a twisted sense of humor.

Look at you.

- Who came up with this outfit?

- Me.

I made it all.

- And where did you get
the idea?

- I love penis.

- All right,
Lydia "Butthole" Kollins.

Thank you.

- Thank you, Ru.

- Thank you, queens.

I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck backstage,

the judges and I
will deliberate.

Just between
us squirrel friends,

what do you think?

Starting with Onya Nurve.

- She's just so watchable.

You know, she's got
a lot of charisma.

- Her delivery was so good.

I thought her
confidence was palpable.

- That's the word,
confidence, right?

I cannot wait to see
what she does next.

- Arrietty.

- She absolutely missed
the mark with this character.

She's sort of like a puppy,
who's just so excited

and wants to do well, but her
tail's knocking stuff over,

you know?

However, on the runway,
this look

was so explosive, so Arrietty,

and I thought
that was spectacular.

- Hormona Lisa.

- There was such an ease
with her performance today.

- She has a wink.

She's got some kind of
wink to the audience.

And it's really fun to watch.

- She made me want
to try beaver.

- Really?

- Well, you should try it
with a peanut sauce.

It's delicious.
- There you go.

- Sam Star.

- She was trying to be
the kind of butch

to, you know, Hormona's femme,

but it wasn't butch enough
to be butch.

- Not butch enough to be butch?

Michelle, I'm right here.

- I'm sorry, Ross.

- I do think
because it wasn't landing,

it just felt a little wooden,
and there wasn't

a lot to do with it.
- All right.

Suzie Toot.

- I thought Suzie Toot
was fantastic.

To do RuPaul-isms...
because it could go bad...

and she just elevated it.

- She did a great job tonight.

She was funny.

She brought stuff to the scene.

- Lydia "Butthole" Kollins.

- Did you guys
notice that outfit

sort of looked like a penis?

- What?

- She read the room.

She knew we would like that,
but then

she shafted us in the challenge.

This role is iconic.

You need to be able
to deliver what

that role should have been.

In a weird way, she might
have fucked herself.

- Silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, queens.

I've made some decisions.

Onya Nurve, this week

you were absolutely
pre-hysterical.

Hormona Lisa, you made us
Beaver believers.

Suzie Toot,
you clowned the house down.

Suzie Toot, condragulations.

You're the winner of
this week's challenge.

And you've won
a cash tip of $5,000.

- Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Piggy of the week, Suzie Toot.

- Onya, Hormona... you are safe.

- Thank you.

- I am the first queen
to have two challenge wins.

Take that, motherfucker.

- Arrietty, this week
you slayed the runway,

but your comedy skills
were a bit primitive.

Sam Star, your
runway tickled us,

but your sketch lacked laughs.

Lydia "Butthole" Kollins, on
the runway, you were ballsy.

But in the sketch,
you were a sad sack.

Sam Star, you are safe.

- Thank you.

- You may join the other girls.

Arrietty, Lydia,
I'm sorry, my dears,

but you are up for elimination.

- Seeing Arrietty in the bottom
is just so devastating.

That's my sister,
and I'm rooting for her.

She can't go home.

I refuse.

- My heart is beating so fast.

I know some of the queens
want Arrietty to stay over me,

but I know I deserve to stay
in this competition.

- Ladies, this is your last
chance to impress me

and save yourself
from elimination.

The time has come for you

to lip sync for your life.

- I am furious.

It's a slap to the face
and to my ego.

But I'm ready to lip sync.

- Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

Dance

- Come on, girls!

Boogie Wonderland

- Whoo!

Hey, hey, dance

Boogie wonderland

Midnight creeps so slowly
into hearts of men

Who need more than they get

Daylight deals a bad hand
to a woman

Who has laid too many bets

The mirror stares you
in the face and says

Baby, it don't work

You say your prayers
though you don't care

You dance and shake the hat

Dance, boogie wonderland

- I'm rooting for Arrietty

just because that's my Latina.

She's my sister.

Dance, I find romance

When I start to dance

In boogie wonderland

- Go, Lydia!

- I hate to say it,
but I think Miss Lydia

is going to take this.

Maybe they should
change the song

to "Booger Wonderland."

- I'm just trying to boogie
as much as I can make

my little white ass boogie.

I find romance
when I start to dance

In boogie wonderland

- Queens, I've made my decision.

Lydia "Butthole" Kollins,

shantay, you stay.

My God.

- Thank you.

- You may join the other girls.

- Thank you.

I am so overwhelmed.

I'm scared to look
at the other queens

because I just sent home
their best friend.

- Arrietty, my dear,
you have one

last chance
to Badonka Dunk your way

back into the competition.

Are you feeling lucky?

- Yes.

- We need a human sacrifice.

Hi, Michelle.

Arrietty, before you
are seven levers.

One of these levers will drop
Michelle into the Badonka Dunk

Tank, presented by Las Vegas.

Arrietty, pull a lever.

- I've worked so hard.

And drag is my world.

This is my last chance to stay.

I need this to work.

My God!

- Yes!

- Damn, damn, damn!

We gotta keep another bitch!

Shit.

- Arrietty, you are free
to slay another day!

My God.

We are so back.

- Arrietty did it.
Yes, bitch.

You did it, bitch. Yes!

- And you've also won
a trip to the entertainment

capital of the world, Las Vegas,

because Vegas is good for you.

And when you're there,
bet on 17.

- Yes, I will.

- And now let's close
the Badonka Dunk book

because that chapter is over.

- Condragulations, queens.

And remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how the hell are you going
to love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

Amen!

- Let the music play.

I know you wanna work

They want to see you let it out

I know you wanna work,
they want to see you go off

I know you wanna work,
you know I am in business

Come, let's give them
just what they want

They want to see you work

- Next time on
"RuPaul's Drag Race"...

We're throwing the Let's Get

See Sickening Ball!

You need to upcycle
marine debris

into high-fashion couture.

- OK, who ruined my outfit?

- What?

- We have a limited
amount of time

to create these looks,

and now she's having to start
all over again.

- I don't care how you
struggled in the Werk Room.

Don't bring it to the stage.

They want to see you let it out

I know you want to work,
they want to see you go off

I know you want to work,
you know I am in business

Come, let's give them
just what they want

They want to see you work

They want to see you let it out

I know you want to work,
they want to see you go off

I know you want to work,
you know I am in business

Come, let's give them
just what they want

They want to see you
work, work, work

I know you want to
work, work, work

Work, work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work, work

I know you want to
work, work, work, work, work

>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
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