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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,593 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,434 I can't decide which list item to do today- 3 00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,567 pushed Slow Roger down a hill in the porta-potty... 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,169 or got the babysitter pregnant. 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,239 - Hey. - Here's an idea. Here's a crazy idea. 6 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,842 How about for once we do what I wanna do? 7 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:24,754 And I might not know what that is right now, but I know what it's not- 8 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,258 doing another item on your stupid list! 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,294 [Earl Narrating] Maybe it was my imagination... 10 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:32,627 but Randy seemed kind of stressed out this morning, and he wasn't the only one. 11 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:35,326 How the hell you gonna sit with a straight face and tell me that MacGyver... 12 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,630 wouldn't be the most awesome president of the United States of America ever? 13 00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:39,602 He's a fictional character, Joy. 14 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,608 No. Fictional characters are in books, Darnell. MacGyver's on TV. 15 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,803 I'm not gonna argue about this. 16 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,039 "I'm not gonna argue about this." I hate when you say that. 17 00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,049 It makes it sound like you think you could win the argument if you wanted to... 18 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,210 but I'm too stupid to argue with. 19 00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:55,219 Argue with me! 20 00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,619 [Earl Narrating] For some reason, tensions were higher than normal. 21 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:02,058 Even laid-back Catalina had her G-string in a bunch. 22 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,531 That's it. 23 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,268 Go ahead. Take a squeeze so I can eat in peace. 24 00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,270 Take a squeeze! 25 00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,567 [Earl Narrating] Yep. Something was definitely in the air that morning. 26 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,438 Randy, give me my list back. 27 00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:20,308 Why don't you come and get it? 28 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,177 [Earl Narrating] Maybe it was a coincidence that people were acting odd. 29 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,808 Or maybe it was like how animals get freaked out... 30 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,615 right before an earthquake or a tsunami or- 31 00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,780 Oh, my God! It's a giant swirly wind thingy. 32 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,790 Or as they call it on the news- 33 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,985 Tornado! 34 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,258 The tornado ditch was the trailer park version of a storm shelter. 35 00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:40,389 And in Camden, it got a lot of use. 36 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,559 Remember, if we get separated... 37 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,035 we all meet back where the trailer used to be. 38 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,106 [Man] I got it! 39 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,141 [Earl Narrating] After the tornado passed... 40 00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:51,710 it became clear why we called it "nature's game show." 41 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,904 Anything on the ground is finders, keepers. 42 00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,380 - [Joy] Kids, remember. Shiny before heavy. - [Man] I got it! 43 00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:59,452 That's mine right there. 44 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:07,085 Earl, look! Steaks! 45 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,161 Finders, keepers. 46 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,355 Just keep an eye out for my list. 47 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,571 [Randy] Earl! Earl! Earl! 48 00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:20,798 I got a boat. This is awesome! 49 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,398 Now we can live just like The Love Boat. 50 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:28,311 You wanna be Isaac, Julie or that pervy doctor? 51 00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:31,713 Wait. I take that back. I wanna be the pervy doctor. 52 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,378 [Earl Narrating] Catalina hadn't lived in Camden that long... 53 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,546 so she wasn't used to tornadoes... 54 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,681 or the finders, keepers rule. 55 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,818 - Finders, keepers. - But that's my purse. 56 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,023 It's imitation imitation Gucci. 57 00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:49,226 Well, it's mine now. That's the rules. 58 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,667 You don't see me bitchin' about losing my diaphragm. 59 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,002 - [Sniffs] - Hey, that's my shoe. 60 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,406 - This isn't fair. - Fair? 61 00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:01,173 I got 1500 on my S.A.T.'s. Life ain't fair. 62 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,943 [Earl Narrating] Catalina didn't like having her stuff stolen... 63 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:07,076 but she was about to learn the meaning of that old American saying... 64 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,678 "Don't get mad. Get even." 65 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,391 Everybody freeze! 66 00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,485 I am sick of being walked on. 67 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:19,793 I am walked on as an immigrant. I am walked on as a maid. 68 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,833 I am walked on as a stripper. 69 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:25,803 Literally! There's a guy who comes in on Wednesdays who's into that sort of thing. 70 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:30,239 So give me back my purse and my shoe. 71 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,578 And, Patty, I like that watch. 72 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:38,082 You know what? Give me everything. 73 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,120 You heard her, folks. Gun rules trump tornado rules. 74 00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:48,124 Darnell, look. A Bible. I wonder if this is some kind of sign. 75 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,220 Doubtful. Natural disasters are stressful times... 76 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:54,425 in which people ascribe heightened meaning to random events of physics. 77 00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:57,298 I think a Bible just got blown onto the steps. 78 00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,668 Yeah. Okay. And I guess Adam and Eve just got blown into the Garden of Apples. 79 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,741 Things happen for a reason, Darnell. 80 00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:07,006 - I'm not gonna argue about this. - There you- Damn it. 81 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:09,206 Stop treating me like I'm stupid. 82 00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:13,951 I'm not treating you like you're stupid, baby. 83 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:17,113 It's just that you have very strong opinions that you don't seem to wanna change... 84 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:21,853 and I don't wanna spend all day arguing with the most beautiful girl in the trailer park. 85 00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,986 Don't you talk down to me. 86 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,463 I know when I'm being comprehended to. 87 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,433 - You think you're smarter than me. - I am smarter than you. 88 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,696 [Gasps] 89 00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:34,534 But that doesn't make me better. 90 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:38,099 Y-You're stronger and you know all the words to "Total Eclipse of the Heart." 91 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,179 Not to mention that statistically... 92 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,374 you're at a lower risk for heart disease, so kudos for that, huh? 93 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,542 [Sizzling] 94 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,280 Well, it's gone. The list is gone. 95 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:51,357 Great. Now I gotta rewrite the whole thing. 96 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,687 I think these steaks came pre-marinated. 97 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,320 I swear this one smells like wine or whiskey or some kind of alcohol. 98 00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:01,389 I don't think I want those steaks, Randy. They don't belong to us. 99 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,061 None of this stuff belongs to us. 100 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:07,162 I bet someone's really missing those steaks right now. 101 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:08,831 And that boat. 102 00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:11,967 Yeah. Those people would be the losers, weepers. 103 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,205 What's the matter with you, Earl? You love finders, keepers. 104 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:18,910 During the last tornado, you got that cool blue door for the El Camino. 105 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:26,221 You know what? I bet that's why I lost my list. 106 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,729 Karma did it- so I'd realize what losing something feels like. 107 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,424 I gotta add that blue door to my new list. 108 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,663 - What's this? - We're gonna find out who's smarter. 109 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:41,672 I can beat you at any game we own. Pick one. Uno. Jacks. Twister. 110 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:45,266 - Those aren't about intellect. - Fine. 111 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,277 Operation. That's a game made by doctors. 112 00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:53,585 Oh, no. Here comes another one. 113 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:58,020 Boys, get in here and tie yourselves to your mother! We're going back to the ditch! 114 00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,853 Go! Get! 115 00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,723 [Earl Narrating] Catalina was about to change the way the world treated her. 116 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,195 - But instead, something changed her. - [Gasps] 117 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:15,265 Another tornado has been sighted here in Camden... 118 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,400 and it looks like there's more to come. 119 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,876 [Screaming] 120 00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,446 Was that my daughter? 121 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:30,222 Randy, they said there's another one coming! You gotta get inside! 122 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:34,851 No can do, Earl! A captain always goes down with the ship! 123 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,759 Fine. Suit yourself! But don't come crying to me when- 124 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,958 [Screaming] 125 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,659 Randy! 126 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:49,274 Randy! Oh, my God! Randy! 127 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,401 My brother got sucked up into the tornado. 128 00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:56,710 Quick. Everybody drag your mattresses into the parking lot. 129 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,986 Whoo! 130 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:05,023 - Whoo-hoo! - [Earl] Randy! 131 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,649 You're not dead. Thank God. 132 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,228 - I'm so sorry. - Why are you sorry? 133 00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:15,062 I've never felt more alive. I rode a tornado! I was flying! 134 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,500 And you should see all this stuff up here... 135 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,471 like a toaster, tennis racket... 136 00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,168 skateboard. 137 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,507 A gun. 138 00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:31,111 Damn it, Randy. What have I told you about throwing guns? 139 00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,151 Oh, right. Not to do it. 140 00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:36,779 Hey, there's a half a kitty cat up here. 141 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:40,347 Wow. You wouldn't believe what they put inside a kitty cat. 142 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,157 It's, like, really gross soup and snakes. 143 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,629 [Retching] 144 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:53,070 - Check it out. We got a boat. - Oh, you are so smart. 145 00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,072 Is that what that is, a boat? 146 00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:57,540 I didn't know that. I thought it was a herd of lions. 147 00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:01,044 Actually, a group of lions is called a pride. 148 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,172 I knew that. It's in The Lion King. 149 00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,749 Shut up! 150 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,081 So you know a bunch of stuff that's in a cartoon. 151 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,086 I'm the kind of smart that people care about... 152 00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,349 the kind that matters on the street. 153 00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,721 - What kind is that? - Street smart, dumb-ass... 154 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,817 which clearly you're not or you'd have known that. 155 00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,260 "Street smart" is just something dumb people say... 156 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,889 when they wanna use the word "smart" to describe themselves. 157 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,026 Dumb people, huh? 158 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:27,697 Okay, Mr. Genius, let's see how brilliant you are when you don't have a place to sleep tonight... 159 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,968 because you won't be in the trailer... 160 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,068 and I was smart enough to get my name on the deed and you weren't. 161 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,147 That's not smart. You just married Earl... 162 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,240 and had him sign it over to you when he was whacked out on morphine. 163 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,615 That's right. Street smart. 164 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,280 [Earl Narrating] Everybody got their stuff back from Catalina. 165 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:46,916 She didn't care. She was in the middle of a religious experience. 166 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,119 God slapped a gun out of my hand. 167 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,560 He knew I had evil in my heart. 168 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:54,690 I know I say this all the time to get bigger tips... 169 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,928 but I truly have been a very bad girl. 170 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:01,632 And she wasn't the only one feeling guilty. 171 00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,834 I know the Bible hit you... 172 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:06,935 but there's a decent chance he was aiming at me. 173 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,379 I once got pregnant with the devil's baby. 174 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:14,442 The devil's the mascot at the local junior college, but still. 175 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,853 It was so cool when I was flying. 176 00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:23,020 The only thing I'd change is next time I'd bring a couple tiny bags of peanuts with me. 177 00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:27,293 You didn't fly, Randy. You got thrown up on the roof by a tornado. 178 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,368 You're a naysayer... 179 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,301 just like all those people that said that Orville Redenbacher couldn't fly. 180 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,272 [Reporter] Another tornado has just ripped through Nathanville... 181 00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:37,467 and has been spotted heading towards Camden. 182 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:41,274 Time to ride the sky, Earl. Time to ride the sky! 183 00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,847 Randy! 184 00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,610 Yes, Dodge, it was very smart of me... 185 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:51,179 to make these silver-dollar pancakes with a lighter and a spoon, heroin-style. 186 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:55,226 Man, Mama made teeny pancakes... 187 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,422 and all I did was use the boat's motor to charge the battery... 188 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,965 so I could hook up a TV, VCR... 189 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:04,696 for some SpongeBob videos and this Sno-Kone machine. 190 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,329 Got our favorite flavor- blue. 191 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,533 - [Both Laughing] - Oh, look. 192 00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:13,100 I guess you love me too much to run to your father. 193 00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,305 - Baby, look what we're doing. - [Grunts] 194 00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:19,043 I'm pimpin' out a fishing boat. You turned the boys into some kind of love yo-yos. 195 00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:21,381 This doesn't seem like good parenting. 196 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:24,047 Don't you lecture me. I'm a good parent. 197 00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:27,182 I would never let anything happen to my boys! 198 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,023 Hold on, boys! 199 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:33,064 - [Both Screaming] - Mama's got you! Hold on! 200 00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,190 [Earl Narrating] Between the weather and the flying Bible... 201 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,361 Catalina and Patty were pretty sure the man upstairs was trying to tell 'em something. 202 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,439 The question was what. 203 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:43,235 Please, God, we just need a sign. 204 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:47,210 - [Wind Howls] - Was that the sign? 205 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,975 No. That's the sign. 206 00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:53,950 An ark! Just like in the Bible. 207 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,021 We gotta get in that boat. 208 00:10:56,122 --> 00:11:00,388 Floods are coming! 209 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,393 Randy! 210 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,525 - You gotta come in! - I'm gonna fly, Earl! 211 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:10,363 - [Baby Squeals] - Just like that baby in the stroller. 212 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,699 Lucky baby. Wait up! 213 00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,399 Okay, I've tried to be nice. 214 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,601 Now I'm not giving you a choice. 215 00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,003 What are you gonna do, shoot me? 216 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,081 I'm gonna shoot you in the leg... 217 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,673 drag you upstairs and save your life. 218 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,384 Did you shoot me? Nothing happened. 219 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,685 Do it again. 220 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:40,723 The hell? 221 00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:43,427 [Wind Howls] 222 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,972 [Earl Narrating] There was a reason those bullets didn't hurt Randy or his pants. 223 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:50,907 All right, boys, time for the annual birthday race! 224 00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,446 Are you sure you remembered to put in the blanks this time? 225 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,777 Yes. 226 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,975 I miss Mom. 227 00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:02,418 On your mark, get set- 228 00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:07,083 [Wind Howls] 229 00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,627 Twister! 230 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,757 Run! Run! Run! 231 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,528 There's no way I missed you twice. 232 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,800 Something weird's going on. 233 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,545 I know. 234 00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:30,741 I've been sucked up by a tornado, shot in the leg and nothing's happened to me. 235 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,580 Maybe I'm invincible. 236 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,315 Maybe you are, or maybe I'm dreaming. 237 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,687 - Ow! - Nope. 238 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,226 I'm invincible. But why? 239 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,694 Why am I invincible? What am I supposed to do? 240 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,958 [Wind Howls] 241 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:56,469 Randy, I think God made you invincible to do good. 242 00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,979 Cool. 243 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:06,312 [Earl Narrating] Finding out God made your little brother invincible... 244 00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:09,148 kind of changes the dynamics of your relationship. 245 00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:14,214 See, Earl? All we had to do was take one day off from the list... 246 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,226 and it was the greatest day ever. 247 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:20,424 For you. You get to be invincible and go save people. 248 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,127 I gotta rewrite my whole list and go do it without you. 249 00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:26,830 Forget the list. Come with me and watch me do awesome superhero stuff. 250 00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:30,500 - We'll get so much ass. - I can't just forget the list, Randy. 251 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:33,077 Well, I can't deny my superpowers. 252 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,774 Are you saying we should do stuff separately? 253 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,077 'Cause that's what it sounds like, and I don't like it. 254 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:43,246 Hey, maybe karma wants us to take turns with our missions. 255 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:47,382 We can go back and forth between my list and you helping people. 256 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,518 I think God could live with that. 257 00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,792 Well, look at that. 258 00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,631 Mr. Genius's boat is gone. 259 00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:01,968 Look, Mom. I found a gun. 260 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,702 Give me that. You're not 13 yet. 261 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,971 Go look for your daddy. 262 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,914 He's probably off in a ditch writing a term paper... 263 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,280 about how much smarter he is than me. 264 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:17,082 Swear to God, the next time he corrects me on some nerd crap nobody cares about... 265 00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,919 I'm gonna pick him up and slam his hair right through a- 266 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,754 [Screams] 267 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,829 [Earl Narrating] With the Brat out of commission... 268 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:26,659 Joy had to find a more creative way to get Darnell to the hospital. 269 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,325 Darnell, everything's gonna be okay. Don't worry about the kids. 270 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,893 I left 'em with Eugenia. Told her she keeps 'em safe, I'll bake her a pie. 271 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:36,202 They'll be fine. Bitch loves her pie. 272 00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:41,007 Mahumbo dogface to the banana patch. 273 00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,741 - Michael Landon. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 274 00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:46,044 No Michael Landon. You stay away from him. 275 00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:48,813 You can't die. You're the smart one in the relationship. 276 00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:51,151 What if we have to move the stereo again? 277 00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,021 All those cords. You fight, damn it. 278 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,689 Lfigure I don't have to help everybody with my superpowers. 279 00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:02,790 Like, if you're a guy that does experiments on chimpanzees... 280 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,700 and then you're trapped in a tree by a bunch of chimpanzees... 281 00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:08,705 I'd be, like, "Sorry, bro." 282 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,775 That seems reasonable. 283 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,411 - [Catalina] Earl! Randy! - Over here! 284 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,469 - [Catalina] Earl! Randy! - Over here! 285 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,013 We need two men to repopulate the Earth. 286 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,946 No, thanks. 287 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,245 We have steaks. 288 00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,320 I could eat. 289 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,852 Yeah, really, it was nothing major. 290 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,586 - I just flew up on a roof, stopped two bullets. - [Church Bell Pealing] 291 00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,663 You know, basic first-day superhero kind of stuff. 292 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,324 Oh, crap. It's Joy. 293 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,958 Hold on, baby. Hold on. 294 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:38,263 Joy! 295 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,096 What happened to Crabman? 296 00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,437 - Hey, Earl. - Hey, Crab- 297 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,977 Bless his heart. He took a header through the trailer wall. 298 00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:50,014 I gotta get him to a hospital before his whole brain leaks out. 299 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,777 I don't think you're gonna make it to the hospital. 300 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,612 [Randy] That's the biggest giant swirly wind thingy yet. 301 00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,884 There's a storm cellar behind the church. 302 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:02,290 They used to put special kids in there for Sunday School. 303 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:05,852 Oh, yeah. I got to go in there. Earl didn't, 'cause he's not special. 304 00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,234 Guys, this is serious. 305 00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,530 If you don't get down to that cellar, you're gonna die. 306 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,231 God wants me and Patty to stay on the boat. 307 00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:16,570 If it means we die, then we die. 308 00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:18,905 - [Electricity Crackles] - [Wires Vibrate] 309 00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:22,174 - Patty. - I'm sorry, sweetie. 310 00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:25,478 I've survived too many diseases to give up now. 311 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,491 - Damn it. It's locked. - Step aside. 312 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,428 I'm invincible. 313 00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,170 I'm vincible! I'm vincible! 314 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,537 Move, dummy. I'll do it. 315 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:58,082 Maybe my invincibility went into the lock when I hit the door. 316 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:02,381 No. The gun's shooting blanks, you idiot. 317 00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,946 Hey, baby, what's with the gunshots and whatnot? 318 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:09,960 Trying to save your ass. Unscrew that garden hose. 319 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:13,259 I'm gonna show you a little thing I learned from the king of street smarts- 320 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,356 Mr. MacGyver. 321 00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:18,368 [Earl Narrating] Joy had learned enough from MacGyver... 322 00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:21,530 to know you didn't need bullets to open a locked cellar. 323 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,608 Door's locked. 324 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,457 [Gas Hissing] 325 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,967 Are you sure this is gonna work? 326 00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,536 Come on, dummies. 327 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,850 - Why are you doing this? - Because God wants me to. 328 00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,942 Oh, so you know what God wants? 329 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:11,420 Yes. God wants me to stay in this ark. 330 00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,956 [Grunts] 331 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,458 God wants me to go with you. 332 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:25,096 Dag, that plan you came up with was way beyond street smart. 333 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,502 That was street genius. 334 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,904 They were blanks. I wasn't invincible. 335 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,976 Probably not. 336 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,545 But you did fly in a tornado. 337 00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:36,614 Nobody can take that away from you. 338 00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,615 Yeah, that's true. 339 00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,277 You know, at some point, we're gonna have to talk about the fact... 340 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:44,082 that you tried to shoot me twice, but not right now. 341 00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:47,317 I really appreciate you dropping everything and sticking with me. 342 00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:51,522 It's only fair. You've always stuck with me. 343 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:55,896 Next time you get a mission, it'll be one day your mission, one day my list. 344 00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:57,798 Thanks, Earl. 345 00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:00,394 Oh, my God. The list. 346 00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,577 Well, where-where did you get this? 347 00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:07,645 I found it right away. It was on the boat. 348 00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:10,306 I was pretty pissed, so I didn't wanna tell you. 349 00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:14,374 And then with the whole superhero thing, I guess I just forgot about it. 350 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,852 Wait. This-This doesn't make sense. 351 00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:21,449 I thought karma took the list to teach me a lesson about finders, keepers. 352 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,687 Now I'm not sure what any of this meant. 353 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:27,663 Tell me about it. Why did God give me and Patty so many conflicting signs? 354 00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:32,362 Yeah. The gun, the Bible, the boat, the Bible again. 355 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:35,702 Yeah. And why did he make me think I was invincible? 356 00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:39,299 You guys don't think God's losing his mind, do you? 357 00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:42,175 I don't know how old he is, but he's gotta be getting up there. 358 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,579 Maybe all of it means nothing. 359 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,241 Tornadoes tend to be stressful times... 360 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,377 in which people ascribe heightened meaning to random events of physics. 361 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:54,924 I heard that from a very smart man. 362 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,223 [Earl Narrating] It's tempting to look for messages when crazy stuff starts happening. 363 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,928 But maybe that's wrong. Maybe some things are just random. 364 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:08,502 Hey, Dad! Dad! 365 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:11,269 - I found our Bible! - I found your gun and a steak! 366 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,503 - # Dust in the wind # - Hey, great. 367 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,876 All right. Fastest runner gets to eat it. 368 00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,949 #All we are is dust in the wind # 369 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:23,044 - Or maybe nothing is random. Hard to say. - # Dust in the wind # 370 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,749 Excuse me, sir. 371 00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:30,658 - I think I owe you a blue door. - # Everything is dust in the wind ## 29807

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